And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 601 mississippi steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ahha thank you hi welcome welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the tonight show. This is it. You made it youre here. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Well, heres what people are talking about. Of course, its all of these accusations coming out about trumps ties with russia. In fact, a 2013 interview just resurfaced where trump says he has a relationship with vladimir putin. While putins like [ russian accent ] ugh, you poke someone back on facebook, next thing you know youre in relationship. [ laughter ] thats all i did. [ applause ] and yesterday trump held his first Big Press Conference since the election, and he got into a shouting match with a a cnn reporter who claims that trump tried to have them thrown out. Yeah. Then the other reporters were like, oh, come on. Why does he get to leave . [ laughter and applause ] i mean, why do we have to stay, for the rest of the whole thing. Steve its a living. Jimmy and now the penthouse is offering a Million Dollars to anyone who has compromising videos with donald trump. When he heard about the offer, trump provided the videos himself. [ laughter ] i know a good deal when i see one. Well during his confirmation hearing for secretary of housing and urban development, dr. Ben carson was grilled about tax payer money being used to benefit donald trump and his family and did you see this, higgins . Im not sure carsons response helped his case. Listen to this. Watch this. Can you just assure us that not one dollar will go to benefit either the president elect or his family . It will not be my intention to do anything to benefit any any american. [ laughter and applause ] steve what . [ laughter ] jimmy finally a politician who actually tells the truth finally. [ applause ] steve what . Jimmy heres a little celebrity news. I heard that ben affleck was patted down by tsa security at Los Angeles International airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, im not in the tsa. [ laughter ] check this out. Kim kardashian revealed on snapchat that she may be getting her own snapple flavor called kims peach royal tea. Royal tea. Steve royalty. Royaltea. Get it . Jimmy of course, kim isnt the only celebrity with their own snapple flavor. Theres also snoop dogs high tea and thats very british. [ laughter ] then theres Bernie Sanders cranky prune tea. [ laughter ] and finally, you can also try Vladimir Putins you drink first flavor. [ laughter and applause ] no. You drink it. Why have me drink it . Steve tastes like bitter almonds. Jimmy i read that hostess is recalling its white peppermint twinkies over salmonella concerns. But i guess they cancelled the recall when the salmonella was killed by the stuff that was already in the twinkie. [ laughter ] guys, a little sports here. It was Just Announced that tim tebow wont be invited to the Mets Major League spring training camp. [ audience aws ] in response tebow says, okay, hockey it is. Here we go. [ laughter ] lets try it. Lets try it. I dont know. How do you do it . Finally, a woman in venezuela was arrested after she tried to break her boyfriend out of jail by stuffing him in a bright pink suitcase, and rolling him out. [ laughter ] she almost got away with it. But when the guards asked her whats in the suitcase, the suitcase said, nothing. [ laughter ] there you go. We have a great show tonight give it up for the roots everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, you guys, welcome thank you very much. Welcome to the show. Guys, we have we have big news here. We have our very own ride opening at universal orlando resort. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its called race through new york its the most fun thing. Its like visiting new york city, going on the craziest awesomest rollercoaster simulator, and going to the tonight show all in one ride. If you could understand, its like i well its 3d. You get into one of these its like, uh well it feels like youre coming to the show. Theres like red seats, and you sit in the seats. You have 3d things on you here. You hear higginss voice, you see the curtains, you see the roots. Its unbelievable. And i come out in this like spaceage new futuristic gokart thing. And then i challenge you to a a race through new york city. And you go to see the statue of liberty, and you go down into a a subway, you go into the east river. You get wet. [ light laughter ] yeah, you do. Its clean water, and [ laughter ] you stop at a pizzeria at one point, and you smell pizza. [ audience aws ] yeah, so its the most amazing thing ive ever done. Its so cool. Theres fireworks at one point. You go through you go to the moon. Steve yeah. Jimmy you go i mean, come on. And the roots are on the moon. And youre floating around the moon. But anyways, its like this hydraulic thing. Like the seats the floor moves. Like this brand new technology, so its a giant imax thing. So it feels likes youre like floating, and the winds blowing, and youre getting wet, and everything. The whole thing, you smell like pizza on the way out. Steve yeah. [ light laughter ] jimmy im not describing it well. It is it is the most fun ride ive ever even if i wasnt part of it, it is the most exciting, fun thing ever. And were very happy to announce, the grand opening is going to be thursday, april 6th. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy they built the whole they built a whole like, fake 30 rock building, in at the resort in orlando. So its like coming in to see our show straight off the bat. Its like i honestly, im going start weeping when i think about. But to celebrate were gonna take the tonight show on the road. Were going to be doing shows at Universal Studios orlando april 3rd through the 6th. [ cheers and applause ] get your tickets now. Mark your calendars. Race through new york. I cannot wait its gonna be good you guys. [ cheers and applause ] youre going to freak out. Steve i cant wait. Jimmy youre going to freak out, man. Its been a great week so far. Theres more ahead. Tomorrow night, claire danes and j. K. Simmons will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] we have Something Special planned with them. And of course thank you notes, well do that tomorrow. You dont want to miss that. [ cheers and applause ] but first, we have a fantastic show tonight. This guy is such a great actor. We love him every time. Anytime hes in town, im like, please, come over and just hang out with us. Hes from the new film patriots day. Kevin bacon is here everyone. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy were going to talk with him, then kevin and i are going to do a fun thing. We do this thing called first drafts of rock. Steve mmhmm. Jimmy and weve done it weve done it as the beach boys. Steve yeah. Jimmy and then we did as tom petty and the heartbreakers last time. And we have a new one tonight were gonna debut. Hes the best. Kevin bacons here. Im so excited. [ cheers and applause ] plus, she stars in the new movie 20th century women. Greta gerwig is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] a lot of buzz. Its a good movie. We love her. And we have standup from one of the funniest comedians out there. Nick thune is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] love nick thune. Steve i know. Jimmy hes great. Guys it is time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] Hashtags Hashtags jimmy well, we use twitter on our show every single week. So if you watch our show and you want to play along, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag, and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. So since its the new year, and everyones making their resolutions, i went on twitter and sent out a hashtag called resolutionfail. And i asked you guys to tweet out a weird, funny, or embarrassing way youve broke a a new years resolution. We got thousands of tweets, and in fact, it was a trending topic in the u. S. So thank you for those tweets. [ cheers and applause ] now i thought id share some of my favorite resolution fail tweets from you guys. Here we go. This first one is from abbydengle. She says, my resolution january 1st was to lose 15 pounds. As of today, i only have 20 more to go. Well, there you go. [ laughter and applause ] steve not bad. Win, win. Jimmy not bad. This one is from corruptedturnip. [ light laughter ] steve oh. Corrupt. Jimmy that sounds like a a band i saw in college or something. Steve yeah. Jimmy got tickets to see corrupted turnip tonight. He says, my resolution was to read more, so i put the subtitles on my tv. [ laughter and applause ] oh, there you go. Very smart. This ones from candacelsmith. She says, my first resolution is to drink only when im with friends. My second resolution is to make more friends. Oh, there you go. [ laughter and applause ] you set yourself up that way. Steve yeah, you set yourself up for a win. Jimmy thats thinking ahead. This ones from tylerhughs. He says, when i said my resolution was to stop saying thats what she said, my friend said, its going to be hard. steve oh. [ laughter and applause ] dont say it. Dont say it dont say it jimmy thats what she said [ applause ] this is from isabellersg123. She says, my resolution was to make better decisions. Four days later, i got stuck in a baby swing and had to call the Fire Department to get me out. [ laughter ] steve what . I can fit in here. Come on. Jimmy whats the big deal . Come on. You go in that one. And ill go in this one. Steve you take care of you [ light laughter ] jimmy clearly, shes by herself, too. Shes like [ laughter ] right . If shes with somebody, they couldve helped her out. Yeah. Steve nobodies gonna what you gonna do . Cut you out of a baby swing . Jimmy this whole thing is a a bad decision. All the way through, yeah. This ones from sydluvsyou. She says, i asked the kids i teach to write down what their resolutions were. One kid wrote retire. [ laughter and applause ] again, thinking ahead. Steve yes. That kid is that kids my favorite. Jimmy this next one is from facebook. Shawn aucoin says, my new years resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so i look skinnier. Oh, thats good. [ laughter and applause ] steve you want these donuts . Jimmy of course. Why not . Steve yeah, im not going to eat these donuts. You want one . Jimmy yeah. What do you mean free pizza . [ light laughter ] this last ones from lschauf5, she says, i promised to stop honking at people while driving, so now i clap instead. If you see me applauding you, it means you messed up. [ laughter and applause ] there you go. Those are tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Stick around, well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jon are you seriously doing your taxes . With turbotax . writer uh, yeah. Its free to file. jon no, it isnt. Not if you itemize your deductions. Unlike turbotax, h r block more zero lets you file for free online, even if you itemize deductions. writer why do you know that . jon why do you not know that . Also, does anyone know if that smoke is toxic . I just feel really itchy. assist writer do you want me to. jon could you . vo h r block more zero lets you file online for free, even if you itemize deductions. jon vo dont just get your taxes done. Get your taxes won. But so we dont have tormin wad to get clean. Charmin ultra soft gets you clean without the wasteful wadding. It has comfort cushions you can see that are softer. 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[ cheers and applause ] i met her in the club down in north and she drinks champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola c. O. L. A. Cola she walked up to me and she asked me to dance [ cheers and applause ] i asked her name and in a small town voice she said lola l. O. L. A. Lola lo lo lo lo lola she taught me some spanish and i did not know thats the way in spanish that you say hello is hola h. O. L. A. Hola she opened up her fridge and said i like what i see she had a chunk of my favorite Italian Cheese gorgonzola g. O. R. Gonzola my friend valerie she teaches a class well i go twice a month and its always a blast i like yoga y. O. G. A. Yoga theres one gadget that i want to own it comes out in 30 years and its a flip phone motorola m. O. T. O. Rola im looking for a breakfast food with a hole but i dont want the bagel to play that role i want a doughnut d. O. N. G. Doughnut i cannot spell doughnut [ cheers and applause ] well its got a bunch of letters and it starts with a d why is spelling so hard for me i can spell out a word but doughnut is hard why is spelling doughnut so hard well im not the worlds most passionate guy which is what im passionate about is granola g. R. A. N. Ola i just bought a car made in japan its a sweet fourdoor toyota sedan its a camry oops, i mean corolla or is it a camry no, its a corolla wait it is a camry yes, it is a camry ignore the corolla [ cheers and applause ] let me try to spell once more the word that gave me trouble before it was doughnut d. O. U. G. Doughnut that spells dougnut doughnut [ cheers and applause ] we cant spell doughnut its so hard to spell why is it so hard to spell doughnut well i looked at her and she at me whos that player that plays for the cubs hit 609 career home runs his names sosa oh yes, sammy sosa s. O. S. A. Sosa sosa so so so so sosa so so so so sosa sosa [ cheers and applause ] so so so so sosa so so so so sosa sosa so so so so sosa so so so so sosa [ cheers and applause ] sosa so so so so sosa so so so so sosa so so so so sosa o romeo, romeo wherefore art thou romeo. Call me but love, henceforth i never will be romeo my love is deep, the more i give to thee. A thousand times goodnight. Ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That geman got the last one. Sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Sold. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Yes, but it has to be a comedy. A little cash back on the side. With the blue cash everyday card from American Express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Throw. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. Ever try you get hungryood, just thinking about it . Its more than cash back. 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You could spend the next few days weeding through w2s, pay stubs and Bank Statements to refinance your home. Or you could push that button. Sfx rocket launching. Cockpit sounds. Skip the bank, skip the paperwork, and go completely online. Securely share your financial info and confidently get an accurate mortgage solution in minutes. Lift the burden of getting a home loan with Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. whisper rocket [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a golden globe winning actor. Starring in the new Motion Picture patriots day. Which opens nation wide tomorrow. Please welcome the very talented kevin bacon, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, my friend. Welcome back to the show. Thank you. Always happy to be here. Jimmy i always love having you on. Thank you. Jimmy i just love doing those those bits with you. cause oh, keep them coming man. I i have so much fun. Yeah. Jimmy because you can sing, and when you you obviously play music. And we know its just fun. It was really fun. Jimmy yeah. I really enjoyed it. Jimmy what was the first one . Was the first one well we did the beach boys. Jimmy and that was fun fun fun. Fun at the hamburger stand. Jimmy oh, thats right. He kept talking about the hamburger stand. Yeah. Jimmy yeah. Right. And then jimmy they wouldnt stop talking about the hamburger stand. Thats right. Jimmy thats right. Right. Jimmy that was the first draft of that one. Yeah. Then tom petty. And then tom petty. Jimmy that was good, yeah. With the horses. Jimmy yeah, that was good. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy oh we have to say that one, because hes talking crazy about horses. Jimmy i love it, i love it, i love it. Thats my favorite thing. I want to talk to you about cuba. You went with the family to cuba . Yeah, went for christmas vacation. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy i wouldnt yeah, it was fantastic. It was really, really interesting. It was my daughters idea. And we hadnt been on a Family Vacation for a while and one of the interesting things about going to cuba is at least our trip was set up. To spend a lot of time with different artists and in artist studios and dancers and we went to recording studios. Jimmy the music is unbelievable. Oh, musics amazing. And i love the cuban people. I love their lust for life and their rum and the cigars and the dancing. And everything its just so cool. Jimmy yeah, its pretty fun. Yeah, it was really great. Old cars. You know, the whole thing. Jimmy oh thats right, yeah. And i was i decided that if we were going to have this kind of, like, learning experience that i would try to get a percussion lesson. Because when i was a little boy, you know, my first toy was just a pot that my mother would pull out of the drawer and just give me a spoon to bang on. So i really always loved to play percussion and i play a a little percussion in the Bacon Brothers band. And then, you know, when santana came out. I was like, oh thats it. You know, latin percussion, i was totally into it. So i went down and i found this guy who was like a worldclass, you know, latin percussionist. And hes also a bass player and there was a keyboard player there, too. We all kind of like, trying to learn this, and by the way, im absolutely terrible. I mean, embarrassingly bad. Hopefully these people hadnt heard that i actually played, or at least, considered myself im hoping they did not even know that jimmy no. It couldnt have been that bad. It was god awful. Im telling you. But jimmy what what percussion . Well jimmy like frank knuckles, is a unbelievable. Yeah. Jimmy i mean, you can go for it. Just give a little taste. [ drum solo ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i mean, you can do that. Yeah, so anyway jimmy because he can do that. Exactly. So this is what happened. Jimmy yeah. So im doing like and im playing. Jimmy thats good. And the bass player, sitting there, he says [ mouth bass ] you know, hes playing along. Jimmy all right. Everythings cool. Piano is like [ mouth piano ] yeah, everyones like doing it. Its like everythings happening, its great. And i get off, right . Jimmy yeah. Start jimmy in improvising. Right, and the no, no. I just get off. Like, im just bad. Jimmy oh, you get off the thing . No, no, no, i just screw up. Jimmy get off rhythm. I get off rhythm, right. Jimmy i thought you left the stage like yeah, yeah. Jimmy oh ow no, no. So the bass player starts playing my conga drums but hes still playing the bass at the same time, and im like, what . Jimmy what wow. And hes like [ mouth drums ] onehand playing. And im like, all right. I give up. Jimmy i was going to, yeah. Thats the end of that, yeah. And, you know, somebody said my wife was watching all this and someone said to her later on, you know, so how did what was that like guys . Oh, it was really it was really great. It was a great, a great, great, you know, experience. And she said, i would describe it as humbling. [ laughter ] i was like, oh, thank you, honey. Jimmy yeah, thats not so, nice. Thats the best. Thank you so much. Jimmy i love that. I want to talk about patriots day. Yeah. Jimmy congratulations on this film. Thank you. Jimmy im happy they made this film. Its you, Mark Wahlberg, john goodman yeah, j. K. Simmons. Jimmy j. K. Simmons. I know hes coming here, to come on ahead, yeah. Jimmy yeah, tomorrow. Its a fantastic cast. Its a really, really amazing story about the Boston Marathon bombing and the manhunt for the two guys that, that committed this horrible, horrible tragic crime. And the movie is really. At its core. About the strength of the city and the people of boston. And the fact, as its said in the movie, marks character says this, and weve been talking a lot about it. That in the face of this kind of extreme hate, the only thing thats going to win is love. And that is the heart of of the movie and the heart of this story and i its really worth seeing. Jimmy i think its a good one. Its a good one. Jimmy i love them. [ applause ] jimmy what a great city. I mean yeah. Jimmy of the spirit, and thats who you cannot beat. I want to show a clip. Here is kevin bacon, john goodman, and Mark Wahlberg in patriots day. Take a look at this. And what if were wrong . Theres no take back. Ive been through this before. Look, we dont call, what we already know it is. And a cell is activated, they hit chicago, or new york, or washington, what happens then . The accusations are going to come, no matter what we do. [ sirens ] its terrorism. Well take it. So what do you need . Command center. Really big one. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy kevin bacon, everybody. Patriots day opens tomorrow. Well be right back with greta gerwig, everybody. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] you got your mom side. A just be calm side. You got a, i never thought id get married at 65 side. Hey im just looking side. Man, you better buy that ride, whooo thats why theres nationwide. They help to know, protect and grow your many sides. Yeeeahhh nationwide is on your side. If youre gonna make an entrance. [car driving upon the water] cascaras the cherry thats on the outside of the bean. Its now being used as a sweetener. Its like a very subtle sweetness into your coffee. Its just this like cup of deliciousness. Customer service d. Maam. This isnt a computer. Wait. Youre real . With discover card, you can talk to a real person in the u. S. , like me, anytime. Wow. This is a recording. Really . No, im kidding. 100 u. S. Based customer service. Here to help, not to sell. Only at t offers you all your live channels and dvr on your devices, datafree. Its entertainment. Your way. Im at higher risktwice as likfor depression. Troke. Im 26 more likely to develop an irregular heartbeat. I have a 65 higher chance of developing diabetes. No matter who we are, these diseases can be managed or prevented when caught early on. Because with better research, the right medicine, and with doctors who help keep me healthy to begin with, we will thrive. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a a very talented actress. You know her from movies like greenberg and francis ha. You can see her alongside Annette Bening in the highly film 20th century women, which is now playing in select theaters. Everyone, please welcome greta gerwig [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome. Welcome back. You look fantastic. Thank you. Thank you so much. Jimmy please, no. Im happy. The last time i saw you i was humiliating myself on family feud. Jimmy no, no. This was not humiliating. It was actually it was fun and actually it was very charming. We played family feud together on the same team. Yes. Jimmy with Annette Bening. I thought you gave great answers. Yeah, like when they asked me laugh sounds like thats like an animal, i said a cat. Jimmy yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah, name a laugh that sounds like an animal. You said cat laugh. And that made sense. That made a lot of sense. No, no. I liked that because i, you know, i laugh like that all the time. Youre always laughing like a cat. Jimmy yeah. Meow. [ laughter ] jimmy meow, yeah. Yeah, me too. Jimmy you do it, too . Meow [ laughter ] jimmy meow, meow, meow. Though, i loved your answer. It was so fun. I thought it was great. And you said, name an itchy part on your body. I said ankles. Jimmy ankles. [ laughter ] my ankles are always itchy. Jimmy yeah. Yeah. Jimmy i mean, mine itch now and then. Yeah, sure. I mean, it wasnt the number one answer on the board, but i loved playing with you. And i think did we win . Or we almost won . Nope, we lost. Jimmy we lost. [ laughter ] okay, well it doesnt matter. You guys won. Jimmy yeah, but did you we played against the roots. Yeah. Did you watch family feud growing up . No. To be totally clear. I was at a bit of a a disadvantage. I grew up sans television, without television. So i didnt know game shows. I didnt know, i didnt know anything. Jimmy you didnt know that show . Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah. I know. Its like like, kids dont have that much to talk about. I mean, they dont do that much. [ light laughter ] like, so kids talk strictly about television. Like what do you see on tv . Like, growing up as child of the 80s and 90s. Jimmy of course. And i had nothing to say, from kindergarten through seventh grade. I was like i cant contribute to this conversation. Jimmy oh, no. Yes, yes. Jimmy youre like, meow, meowmeow. [ laughter ] what is he talking about . Yeah. Meow, meow, meow. Jimmy you know cartoons or you didnt know . I didnt know. I didnt know. I was and it made me feel Like Television was very important and i should pay a a lot of attention to it, but i have a particular memory of everyone watched teenage mutant Ninja Turtles when i was growing up. Jimmy oh yeah, sure. And they were playing it on the school yard one day and i wanted to play and i was like, can i play teenage mutant Ninja Turtles with you guys and they looked at me and can always smell a liar. They were like, do you even know what that is . And i was like, yes i definitely know what that is. They were like, really . Sing the theme song. [ light laughter ] and i was like, what am i going to do . And i made up a theme song. [ laughter ] that was not and i dont think jimmy of course. They didnt say like thats not the theme they were so stunned, that they just accepted it. [ laughter ] and they were like, oh jeez. Jimmy were you improvising . Did you just say turtle power at all or anything . No, i didnt. Jimmy did you know michelangelo . Did you know any of the names . No, i didnt know the names. I think it was like, there was clapping was involved. I think. [ laughter ] like, teenage, mutant, ninja, turtles. Jimmy why not . And then they were like, no, no. This is not it. Jimmy yeah, thats the way it is in my tv, yeah. You guys are watching the reruns. And they were like whats the name of the girl on it . I was like, lady tron. [ laughter ] jimmy i dont even know thats great. I would let you play. Why not . Did you ever get a tv . Your family . My family just got my dad just got a television for christmas [ laughter ] jimmy just this past christmas . A christmas miracle yes. Jimmy its a christmas miracle. My mom like, my parents have been married a very, very long time. My mom was like, what do you want gordon, for christmas. He was like, honestly, christine i just want a a television and a couch. [ laughter ] jimmy and a couch . To sit on so he can watch the tv. Jimmy oh, of course, yeah. Those go hand in hand yeah. Jimmy this must be the best year of his life. Hes freaking out right now. He might be watching this. I know. Jimmy hi, gordon how are you . Yeah. Both teenage. [ clapping ] mutant. [ clapping ] ninja. [ clapping ] turtles jimmy turtles, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] turtles. Yeah. Jimmy oh this is great. Yeah, he can see me. Jimmy does he love it . Did they love it . I think hes so happy. I mean, this is like, really, the peak moment of his life. [ light laughter ] jimmy i mean, yeah. I mean, because well he probably saw your movies in the theaters . Yes. Hell go see it in the theater and then we had a computer which had like an ability to play dvds. So for a long time, greta, pull up a chair and watch this dvd with us. [ light laughter ] that was the way wed experience movies. So now its like a whole new world. Jimmy wow. Yeah. Yes, yes. Jimmy oh my gosh, thats fantastic. What did you do, as a kid, with your family . Did you just lots of cards. Games. Lots of, like, bridge, cribbage. Jimmy bridge . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy i tried to get into bridge. Its tricky. Bridge is hard. Jimmy yeah, its really hard. Its a hard game, yeah. And not a game that young people often play. [ laughter ] jimmy hey, forget about this teenage mutant Ninja Turtles. You guys want to play bridge, or what . [ laughter ] yes, yes. Jimmy like, no. [ clapping ] thank you. No thank you. Were leaving. Yes. We played a lot of cards and dominoes. You have so much time if you dont own a television. Jimmy yeah. And i really jimmy thats kind of great, though. Yeah, it was really great. Jimmy i think it turned out pretty well. Thanks. Jimmy i mean, here you are in this great film. Thank you. Jimmy 20th century women, and the whole cast is fantastic. Yes. Jimmy billy crudup is awesome. Yes. Jimmy elle fanning, everybody scores in this movie, obviously Annette Bening as well. But do you want to describe what the films about . Yes. So it takes place in Santa Barbara in 1979 and its about Annette Bening who is raising a teenage son on her own and she kind of recruits me and elle fanning to help her raise this boy with her. And its like a lovely like, if you have a mother or know a a mother, youll cry at this movie a bunch. Jimmy yeah. And also laugh. Its great. Jimmy oh, its great. And its funny. Its funny as well, too, and we had billy and annette on, and you. And we played family feud. But, yeah. Thank you. And elle. We had everybody on, what am i talking about . Yeah. Who directed this film . Mike mills, and he made a a film called beginners which also great. Jimmy mike mills. Oh man, he did such a great job. Yeah, hes fabulous. Jimmy beautifully shot and beautifully done. You guys got to check it out. I want to show everyone a clip from the comedy 20th century women. Heres a scene of greta having dinner at the boarding house run by Annette Bening. Thats right. Jimmy and just take a look at this. Just say menstruation. Its not a big deal. So start staying it now. Menstruation. Now. Yes. Menstruation. Menstruation. Jamie, no. You dont have to. Youre saying it like youre scared. Dont say it like youre scared. Abby. Say it like its normal. Menstruation. Menstruation. Not. Julian, menstruation. You can say it, right now. Im sorry. Oh, menstruation. Just keep eye contact with me. Who are you looking at . Menstruation. Menstruation. Yeah. Thats right. Menstruation. Charlie . Youre quiet. Menstruation . [ light laughter ] menstruation . No. Not like a question. Menstruation. Menstruation. Uhhuh. Everybody say it together. Menstruation. Like, gentle, happy, but casual, and all menstruation. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy get out there. Get it in the conversation. Why not . Yeah. Jimmy well done, pal. Come back and see us. Thank you very much. Jimmy greta gerwig. 20th century women is now playing in select theaters. Well be right back with standup comedian nick thune, everyone [ cheers and applause ] when it comes to healthcare, seconds can mean the difference between life and death. For partners in health, time is life. We have 18,000 people around the world. The microsoft cloud helps our entire staff stay connected and Work Together in real time to help those that need it. The ability to collaborate changes how we work. What we do together changes how we live. Inside the rack houses every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. How will you make yours . Even when you know where youre going. It Still Matters how you get there. The lexus line of luxury suvs. Giving you the power to make your own way. Thats your underwearstrong, dude. Cleaner. So clean. Keeps you could wear them a second day. Charmin ultra strong. Its 4 times stronger, and you can use less enjoy the go with charmin. Try theraflu expressmax,nd flu hold you back now in new caplets. Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel. Theraflu. For a powerful comeback. New expressmax caplets. Todays the day oh look creepy gloves for my feet. See when i was a kid there was a handle. And a face. This is nice. And does it come in a california king . Getting roid rage. Hemorrhoid. These are the worst, right . Im gonna buy them. Boom. Ill take them. Impulse buy. Ommmmmmmmmmm. With the blue cash everyday card from American Express you get cash back on purchases. Its all happening. With no annual fee. Here we go its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy guys, check us out tomorrow night. From the hit television series, homeland, Emmy Awardwinner claire danes will be here. [ cheers and applause ] plus j. K. Simmons and music from sampha. Its gonna be a good show. [ applause ] guys, we are joined right now by one of my favorite comedians. His standup special nick thune good guy is currently available on nbcs digital comedy platform, seeso. Give it up for nick thune [ cheers and applause ] thank you, guys, so much. [ light laughter ] 2017 is the year of the plan b. And i found my plan b. I did searching and ive realized that i could be a a youth pastor. Really. At any church in the country. Christian, nondenominational, methodist, lutheran, doesnt matter. They would hire me based on my beard alone. [ laughter ] and heres how i know i could do it. I was doing some research and i realized that the most popular pastor has got tons of youtube videos and i watched one of them has millions of views, thousands of people in the audience. And heres how he started off his sermon. Ill never forget when i was 5 years old and i got at lost at the grocery store. Have you ever felt lost . Pause. I can do that. [ laughter ] i can take an insignificant false memory and relate it to people that are dealing with deep spiritual issues. [ laughter ] not a problem. Get hired at a church, theyre going to have to fire two guys but im in. Just based on how cool i look. And then ive got to get my first sermon together. And theyre going to start me off with the kids, which is fine. Im woke. Im good. [ light laughter ] sunday rolls around. Oh, im excited. I stroll in. Theyre finishing up some worship songs. Something creepy, like nothing but the blood of jesus. Something like that. [ light laughter ] and all of the kids are like, whos that guy . And theyre like, who . And theyre like, the guy in the in the corner with the sunglasses on. And im like, actually, theyre transitions. [ light laughter ] give them about 15 minutes. [ laughter ] they finish up the song. I walk up on stage. Theres some guy with an acoustic guitar. Im like, hey, give it to me. You know . Why not. Jesus over music is always better, i believe. Hey, guys. Im pastor nick. I know youre wondering what happened to pastor jeff . Wheres pastor brian . Which statistically are their names. [ light laughter ] dont worry about them. Lets pray. Bow your heads. Take off your glasses. Jesus was a stickler. Dear jesus, i want to thank you for these noodles. Ramen. [ laughter ] im just kidding, guys. I love ramen. Lets make a pour over and hang out. Huh . Im pastor nick. Im a cool dude. [ light laughter ] oh, jesus. You son of a god. [ laughter ] rascal. Open up your bibles. And then close them. [ laughter ] yeah, im a cool pastor. Open up your iphones. What . [ light laughter ] what . Open up google maps because in the beginning, google created earth. [ light laughter ] just kidding. Thats a pastor nick joke. Im pastor nick, actually. Open up google maps and what i want you to do is hit a little translucent compass in the bottom righthand corner. Just tap on it. And what thats going to give you is your current location. [ light laughter ] and what you need to know is that jesus christ, your lord and savior, is in all of our current locations. [ light laughter ] never heard it put that way and i know trents in the back. He has a smartphone. No, he doesnt. Hes got no service. Trent, youre going to hell [ laughter ] but, seriously, ill never forget, when i was 2 years old, and i was playing with a toy. It was a fire truck. And i dropped that fire truck on my big toe. And later that day the toenail came off. Have you lost a loved one . [ laughter ] thank you. Im pastor nick. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, oh come on. Thats my dude thats my dude nick thune [ cheers and applause ] watch nicks special, go to seeso. Com. Well be right back, everybody pastor nick. [ cheers and applause ] heavy, labored breathing heavy, labored breathing heavy, labored breathing coughing breathing through oxygen mask breathing through oxygen mask breathing through oxygen mask breathing through oxygen mask covered california. Its more than just health care. Its life care. Tadirectv now. Stream all your entertainment anywhere anytime can we lose the all. Theres no cbs and we dont have a ton of sports. Anywhere, any. Lets lose the anywhere, anytime too. You cant download onthego, theres no dvr, yada yada yada. Stream some stuff somewhere sometimes you totally nailed that buddy. Simple. Dont let directv now limit your entertainment. Only xfinity gives you more to stream to any screen. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you for trying that, i appreciate it. My thanks to kevin bacon, everybody [ cheers and applause ] greta gerwig [ cheers and applause ] nick thune, right here. Look at nick thune. There he is. [ cheers and applause ] and of course, the roots from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. Hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight jude law, star of nbcs blindspot, actor sullivan stapleton, cooking with action bronson, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ chrs and applause ] seth good evening, im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. In that case, lets get to the news. President obama today awarded Vice President joe biden the president ial medal of freedom with distinction, which is an honor only three other people have been given over the last 30 years. Then biden ge
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