So, yesterday was the second president ial debate and like all sequels it left you wondering why do they keep making these, detail bait was overshadowed by donalds hot mick video on friday. Donald trump believes if youre a star you can grab women by the, um, i would never let donald trump touch you. There g what Donald Trumps advisors meant when they told him to reach out to women. It was a really disturbing week even, especially for parents who had to sit down and explain to their kids who billie bush was. Unlike the first debate when the two candidates met there was no happened shake. In Hillary Clintons defense she now knows where that hand has been. Trump immediately doubled down in his most memorable moments [sniffing. ] okay, so they clearly changed trumps debate prep. He seems to be on much stronger coke this time. And right out of the gate trump let everybody know that his comments to billy bush had a simple explanation. This was locker room talk. Im not proud of it. I apologized to my family, i people. Certainly im not proud of it but this is locker room talk. Stephen by the way, what gym does donald trump belong to. In my locker room were just trying to avoid eye contact and gently encourage old manual es to put on a old man wallace to put on a town. It was threatening. If i win im going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your situation because there has never been so many there has never been anything like it and were going to have a special prosecutor. Its just awfully good that someone with the temperament of donald trump would be in charge of our country. Because you would be in jail. Stephen its a nice line, youll go to jail then but its not true because hillarys got a lot of friends on wall street and those people never go to diswrail. Diswrail jail. When dropped brought up Clintons Hillary had her response ready. When i hear stuff like that im reminded what my friend Michelle Obama advised us all, when they go low, you go high. Stephen i dont know. If i thought trump going low, i would cover my crotch. One of the biggest moments of the night was when trump took it hard to his opponent mike pence. I want to remind you what your running mate said. The United States of America Military targets of the assad regime. He and i havent spoken and i disagree. Stephen so trump hasnt spoken to mike pence but i really think he should reach out soon because im pretty sure at this point mike pen is an undecided voter. It looks like there are no up lifting moments, a hero rose from the ashes. One more question from ken bone. Stephen ken bone, yes. America just got an express ticket to bonewn ken bone, ken bone taking command of the microphone . Felt alone on to the scene walk ken ben . Kenneth bone. Face the candidates with nerves with a confident voice he began to intone. What was his question again. Reminding environmentally friendly and minimizing plant loss for fossil workers. Stephen ken bone. After a ride on the bone wagon there was only one more question. My question to both of you is, regardless of the current rhetoric, would either of you name one positive thing that you respect in one another. Plannity plenty of particul tic. I respect his children. His children are incredibly able and devoted and i think that says a lot about donald. Stephen in other words her favorite thing about him is five other people. People said that Hillary Clinton should have been tougher on donald trump, that she was too sweet. That was weird to see flies landing on her when she was standing so close to a giant pile of [bleep] well thats it for the home show. I hope you enjoyed it. If youll excuse me, ive got to get back to my day off. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, stephen welcomes amy schumer, Omari Hardwick, and Michaela Watkins, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, from the ed sulli theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause . Captioning sponsored by cbs stephen hey whoa cheers and applause . Thank you welcome to the late show, everybody audience chanting stephen nice to see you cheers and applause . Thanks so much hey, everybody hey thats nice, thank you welcome to the late show, everybody. Thank you so much. Oh, what a lovely crowd. I got to tell you, im Stephen Colbert. Im happy to tell you that. I want to tell you that. And it is great to be back after a twoweek break, and i just want to start out by saying one simple thing, u. S. A. Number one cheers and applause u. S. A. u. S. A. u. S. A. u. S. A. u. S. A. u. S. A. thank you very much oh, that is my favorite flavor why are we chanting . Because america just dominated the 2016 olympics cheers and applause yeah thats right, we killed it. The olympics of course, are a time that the whole world comes together and competes in the spirit of brotherhood and goodwill, so let me be the first to say suck it, world cheers and applause suck it, suck it in record time we got 121 medals and im not surprised. I watched the games here in the which channel, and from what i saw, apparently, only americans competed. Americans, and usain bolt. Of course. Hes an honorary american at this point, i think, because really, lets face it, jamaica is basically tropical colorado. laughter not only did america lead in the overall medal count, we also won the most gold medals, the most bronze medals. Which means were not only number one, were also number one at being two and three cheers and applause were number six i think. I think thats math. And the majority of those american medals were won by female athletes. cheers and applause thats nice. So, i just want to say to all the boys out there, the next time somebody on the playground says you throw like a girl, you say thank you. cheers and applause now over two dozen of those medals were won by African American women, and on twitter people celebrated that fact with typing hashtag blackgirlhardworkanddedication. I dont know. laughter here to check out japanese pole vaulter hiroki ogitas failed attempt at qualifying. He goes up, hits the bar with his leg, still, looks like its going to be fine, and coming down. Boom he knocks the bar off with a clunk of his junk oh m there it is. Oh, that poor man. Can you imagine . Just think, for the rest of his life, hell have to tell everyone, yeah, i went to the olympics, but i didnt win gold because my bleep is too big. laughter applause what are you gonna do . What are you gonna do . laughter say hi to jon batiste and stay human band playing cheers and applause as i said before, you know, the late show was off for two weeks, we were in reruns, but donald trump still had original episodes the entire time. laughter so lets catch up right now, in tonights report what donald trump did on my summer vacation. laughter now, before i dive in, ive got to be careful here. Im not used to taking a two week dose of trump in one segment. Hes like arsenic. Now, while i was away, trump did something ive never seen before he tried to appeal to someone. In fact, this was his pitch to black voters over the weekend tonight im asking for the vote of every single African American citizen in this country who wants to see a better future. Look how much African American communities have suffered under democratic control. To those i say the following, what do you have to lose by trying something new like trump . Youre living in poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs, 58 of your youth is unemployed. What the hell do you have to lose . audience reacts booing hes a people person. laughter very appealing. Very appealing . Jon yeah, ill definitely vote for that guy. applause stephen you see, youre open minded. Thank you jon. Thank you for staying open minded. Yes, black people, as far as donald trump knows, youre all poor, your schools all suck, youre unemployed, your last meal was im going to say a football with the word turkey written on it, so take a chance what have you got to lose . Its all summed up in trumps new slogan youre already on fire, so you may as well shoot yourself in the head. Now laughter applause thats a new game. I like that. Now, this is going to be a bit of a tough sell jons this is true, among black voters, in a twoperson race, trump is in fourth place. laughter thats like coming in third at solitaire. laughter plus plus, last week, Trumps Campaign chairman, and joe pesci resigned after ukraines Anti Corruption bureau revealed that he may have received 12 million in undisclosed payments from ukraines previous proputin government. I dont know why this was undisclosed. If someone gave me 12 million, id be at the bar saying, hey, guess who Just Got Paid 12 million . Oh, and by the way, you want to know why i didnt win gold in the pole vault . Its a pretty good story. So, with manafort out, trump was forced to bring in a new trump wrangler Breitbart News chief and lesbian haircut model steve bannon. Now, if you havent heard of Breitbart News, that means you do not have a racist uncle on facebook. laughter bannon is known as a real according to one former spokesperson for breitbart he is someone who is prone to profanitylaced tirades at all hours of the night. Which is a refreshing change of pace from donald trump, who likes to go to bed early. And bannon has a bold new direction for the campaign, because bannon has convinced trump that the rest of the Campaign Needs to be bare knuckles brawl with huge rallies. Gloves off. Thats right. Bannon thinks the reason trump hes been too civil, and now the gloves are off. The tiny, tiny gloves. laughter cheers and applause by the way im fairly confident donald trump would have no trouble with the pole vault. Well be right back with amy schumer. . . . ch . Every time i travel, its the moments that are most rewarding. Because youll never forget them. The new marriott portfolio of hotels now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. My bladder leakage made me feel t be the father that i wanted to be. Now i use depend. I can move the way i really want. Unlike the bargain brand, depend fitflex underwear is more flexible to move with you. Reconnect with the life youve been missing. Get a free sample at depend. Com. [ . Diggy . By spencer ludwig] reconnect with the life youve been missing. . . What twisted ankle . What muscle strain . Advil makes pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. . Whats it gonna be . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. . With this level of engineering. Its a performance machine. With this degree of intelligence. Its a supercomputer. With this grade of protection. Its a fortress. Introducing the completely redesigned eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. Mercedesbenz. I think my strongest asset, maybe by far, is my temperament. Id like to punch him in the face, ill tell you. I would bomb the [bleep] out of em. I could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot somebody and i wouldnt lose any voters, okay . And you can tell them leep] themselves. Get him out of here get him out of here get the hell out of here priorities usa action is responsible for the content of this advertising. cheers and applause . . . cheers and applause my first guest tonight my first guest tonight is a brilliant comedian and now the author of her highly anticipated book the girl with the lower back tattoo. Please welcome the great amy schumer band playing cheers and applause come on i love the band stephen theyre the best band. I love you, i love the band. Stephen i feel the same way, in my darkest moments. Oh, wow. Stephen congratulations on the new book, the girl with the lower back tattoo. I wrote a book. Stephen you did. A book. Nobody thought i could read. laughter stephen thank you for being here, because i understand youre feeling a little under the weather, thanks for being here. Why, just because im winded from walking 20 feet . Stephen its the altitude, its two steps up. Is it hot in here . Yeah, i just finished filming a movie, i was in hawaii all summer, with goldie hawn. cheers and applause hello such a rough life. Stephen thats the part were supposed to be sympathetic about, that you spent the summer in hawaii . Yeah, i got really sick there. I got bronch, the hospital so we had to stop shooting. Stephen you went to the hospital . You know it stephen like fluids and stuff like that . My sister and i were laughing so hard. They kept coming in. They were taking all this blood, and we just kept laughing, all the time and they kept having to take more. It was just rock bottom and, so, i couldnt speak, and i coughed so hard stephen thats difficult i know, it turns out, i thought the gold was just this, but it turns out its more im, like, ariel, you have to hear my voice. But i coughed so hard i fractured my own ribs. So that still kind of smarts. Stephen do you want a little hot tea or Something Like that . Would you mind . Thats exactly what i want. Thank you. Selfpromotion. Stephen a little bit. All you guys are the same. Stephen weve got to. Thats so nice. Thank you. Stephen did you get to enjoy the islands . What island were you on . Honolulu, oahu i dont know, there was a palm tree. laughter i was sick the whole time. First of all, im from here, so i like to sit and not move. Stephen yeah. And everyone hikes there. Like, everyone hikes every day. Stephen theyre so healthy. Theyre so healthy. Cats, you will see on a hike. laughter i went hiking and somebody said, on your left it was, like, a baby in a diaper blowing past me. laughter stephen did you go to kauai . Because its like the grand canyon of i was too sick. I was bedridden. Stephen i went hiking on hawaii on my honeymoon and i was humiliated, because we walked down into a canyon and i couldnt get out. laughter you couldnt get out. Stephen i though for me, no sex for me on my honeymoon. I cant climb up a hill. It was a little emasculating. It was like 127 hours, but nothing was wrong with you. Stephen i felt like cutting off my own arm by the end of it. What a great way to start a marriage. Stephen yeah. Hawaii didnt totally agree with me. They would hike under any circumstances. You and i which are stopped easily. I remember, it was really muddy and i asked someone and they said, is it going to be this they were, like, yes, but also there are bees up there. laughter nothing slows them down. Stephen dont drink the water. It has leprosy in it. Somethings wrong. Stephen you know what i want to get to, the last time i saw you, we were at the fanciest thing possible, we went to the met gala. We went to the met gala. Stephen look at this, this is you. cheers and applause oh, my gosh. Stephen thats all safety pins. In the front. Those were a necessity. Stephen yeah, in c somebody needed to change a babys diaper really quickly. I look like ben roethlisberger. Stephen no, you look beautiful. Alexander wang. Stephen and you had a big night. Who is that . Me and beyonce, my best friend. cheers and applause wow. I saw this picture and i really wanted to post it but i didnt because can you zoom in on my face . I look like a witch. I am a witch, and i have no idea. But, yes. I got to meet bey. Stephen you look beautiful. She got to meet you. No. applause stephen weve got to take a little break, but well be right back with more amy schumer . . . cheers and applause 3, 2, 1 [whispered rocket] youre acting so funny, whats wrong, billy . Are they contagious . I dont think so. Contract the rainbow taste the rainbow i tried hard to quit smoking. But when we brought our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. Can a toothpaste do everything well . This clean was like pow it added this other level of clean to it. Re so white. 6x whitening i actually really like the 2 steps. Step 1, cleans. Step 2, whitens. Every time i used this together, it felt like leaving the dentist office. Crest hd. 6x cleaning , 6x whitening i would switch to crest hd over what i was using before. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody cheers and applause . Were here with our friend amy schumer. Amy, congrats again on the book, the girl with the lower back tattoo. A classic. Stephen theres actually the lower back tattoo right there. There it is. Thats nice. Have you ever heard a quieter audience . laughter now, i was 18 this is a huge regret. Stephen why is it a regret . I could have got rid of it, but im, like, no, i did this to every vacation i go on, im in a bikini, oh, good, theres trash here. People know. You cant hide. Stephen you never see it unless you get a threeway mirror. Threeway something. Look, people see it. laughter stephen these are true, personal stories about your life in here. Even diary entries from when you were younger. Yeah. Stephen you say youre an introvert in here. Right. Stephen how can you be an introvert and still play huge crowds and be a comedienne . Well, actually, its a great way being a performer is great, because you perform. But look, youre alone up here. You can feel that, right . Stephen yeah. Youre alone. Stephen very lonely. People come in, there is a performance and then you dont have to see them anymore. Im on stage, yapping, then in my hotel room by myself. It seems strange but i am a classic introvert. Yeah. Stephen they are emotionally available people. Are you guys like me . Like, i dont like to talk to anyone. Even if i see someone i like at the gym, im, like, oh, god. Its like you want to recharge and be alone. Stephen do you want to be with people totally on your own terms, like, just stand over there, i eventually might come talk to you if my need, my loneliness becomes great enough. Have you been talking to my boyfriend . Stephen you do have a boyfriend. I saw photos of you and your boyfriend canoodling in bed on i was honestly telling him about some jokes i had been writing and he fell asleep. Stephen thats a really lonely feeling. You also talk about being out on the road, living the life of a standup, which i never did. I was in improv troupes but i never did standup. Whats that like to be out on the road . If youre a guy, it seems fun because you get laid. laughter look at the band im sure theyre all married now. Stephen theyre just shy. Yeah, i dont think so. Stephen youre a girl, it embarrasses them. The standup bassist, somethings going on with him. Trust me. He has an energy. He has an energy. laughter stephen you have a boyfriend. Sorry. Good point. So, you know, yeah, im an introvert. So i dont know why that was supposed to be a defense for why i would be hitting on your standupsi stephen yeah. So, yeah, the road sucks. What was the question . laughter stephen the question was how are you feeling now. Has the fever kicked in . Im still not at 100 , thats the truth. But im so lucky the way i get to go on the road now. I bring my family. My brothers jazz trio opens up the show. Stephen really . Yeah, we are not following the supply and demand model. laughter on the campaign trail for hillary because i get to talk to the crowd a little bit. cheers and applause stephen well, you know whats nice out on the road . Bring a nice book with you. The nicest book i can think of is the girl with the lower back tattoo. The author is amy schumer, everybody. Everywhere books are sold, go get it cheers and applause . . . One smart choice leads to the next. . Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. . Mobility is very important to me. Thats why i use e trade mobile. Its on all my mobile devices, so it suits my mobile lifestyle. And it keeps my investments fully mobile. Even when im on the move. . Sing girl, come on. . [ singing ] . Sorry, ariana you gotta go. Seriously . Verizon limits me and i gotta get home. Youre gonna choose navigation over me . Umm. That way. Girl you better get on tmobile why pay more for data limits . Introducing tmobile one, unlimited data for everyone. Two billionaires, spending millions to buy a senate seat for joe heck. Smearing Catherine Cortez masto with ads called bogus, highly misleading, and false. As attorney general, its cortez masto who held banks accountable and helped nevada homeowners. And governor sandoval praised Cortez Mastos dedication to fighting sex trafficking. Dont let joe hecks billionaires fool you. Catherine cortez masto has always stood up for us. Im Catherine Cortez masto and i approve this message. . . . cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back my next guest tonight is an actor, athlete, poet, activist, and now the star of power. Hes right, im out. This club, this life, this is who i am now. I didnt get in this game to you got me out of the game. You. You set me up so i can take care of my family. Not tommy. What do you want me to say . Tommy egans the boss now. Guess you better do what he wants. Stephen please welcome Omari Hardwick cheers and applause . . . Stephen welcome. Thank you. Stephen this is the first time you have been on a late night show ever, right . Ladies and gentlemen, Stephen Tyrone for all of you who didnt know his middle name was so black Stephen Tyrone, colbert is popping my cherry. cheers and applause laughter yeah, right . Yeah. Did we just go olympics there . Did we just go pole vault . Stephen i think we just did. Its an honor. Omari hardwick, thank you so much for being here. Any relation to Chris Hardwick . Way back. Stephen congratulations on power on starz, you guys just got picked up for your fourth and fifth season. Whammy. Stephen yeah, good for you. So youre going to be a busy guy shooting that. How has your summer been so far . I know youre an athlete. You played football in georgia, right . I did. Im from the south, as you are. Stephen im from south carolina, where are you from . Im from atlanta, georgia. Stephen ive heard of it. I played some ball. I dove into the olympics this year. I thought it was awesome. Everybody talked about avoiding course to rio, but i thought it was some of the best olympics weve had, man. Stephen america kicked a little ass. Kicked a little ass. applause as somebody who was a serious athlete, what do you think of the show boating of usain bolt . Do you think thats arrogant or do you think thats the sort of thing thats actually good for sports . He literally to me stephen, he runs with the joy of an eightyearold. Hes like robin williams, rest in peace, acting. Hes found the child in heart dances right before they shoot the gun off and i think its awesome. I think its incredible what he does. cheers and applause stephen hes a real performer. As a serious athlete, you played for georgia and almost for the n. F. L. , right . Yeah. Stephen is there a relationship between being a good athlete and being a good actor . Sure, because how many of us have been to a game where you are bored out of our minds. Then there are games you got to and youre like, this is stephen one is baseball, one is football. There you go. laughter we still rooted for Dennis Rodman even during those moments when he put on a wedding dress. Stephen its about his journey. It is, its about journey. The band should have stephen no, no, theyre good. laughter they are good. Stephen its a union thing. Theyre on break right now. Theyve got to be on break right now. You mentor some athletes, dont you . Or impart whatever there is to impart. Stephen okay, who . There is two olympic athletes, carry irvin and dramond green. Stephen really . So you give these guys advice . How did you advise them . How do you advise them when theyre both up for the n. B. A. Championship . This year was tough. Stephen it must have been. My Text Messages were definitely bipolar. Stephen did you give dramond green any advice on stop hitting people in the groin during i didnt stephen you didnt think he was doing that . He was working them like a speed bag. Was he really . Stephen yes. We need to look at that playback. Stephen you dont need to. Ask the people who are still in the hospital. And lebron stepped over him. There was a moment where he got a little testy. Hes an edgy cat. Stephen testys the right word. Lets talk about your character in power. Whats his story . We have a Great Production Team around a team of stars. They created a show where a man came from south side jamaica queens, hes impoverished, hes seen the hard parts of life and hes out after having dealt drugs through the greater part of new york city, so hes really hes trying to figure out how to fly straight. Hes the opposite of walter being bad and the characters that orbit around him. Its a great show. Its about new york city, new york city plays the backdrop for the show. cheers and applause stephen well, congratulations. Congratulations on the show. All success in the future. Lovely to meet you. Lovely to meet you back, man. Stephen power airs sunday nights on starz. Omari hardwick, everybody well be right back. I thought my bladder leakage meant my social life was over. Wearing depend underwear has allowed me to fully engage in my life and im meeting people. Unlike the bargain brand, depend fitflex underwear is more flexible to move with you. Reconnect with the life youve been missing. Get a free sample at depend. Com. Discover card. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. O dog give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh to dog im so proud of you. Well thank you. Get your free credit scorecard at discover. Com. She saw the boots and fell for fall all over again. Was she expecting to find the perfect designer boots at such an amazing price . No. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, band playing . . Well, if you want to sing out, sing out . . And if you want to be free, be free . . cause theres a million things to be . . You know that there are . . And if you want to be me, be me . . And if you want to be you, be you . . . You never believed in fairytales. Knights in shining armor or happily ever after. But you believed when the right one came along, youd be ready. Time to shine. Orbit. . When cold and flu hold you back try theraflu expressmax, now in new caplets. Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula for a powerful comeback. New expressmax caplets. Whats it gonna be . An ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody you know my next guest from shows like transparent and trophy wife. Shes now starring in casual on hulu. Please welcome Michaela Watkins band playing stephen that was a nice hug. That was a really nice hug. I waited a long time for that hug. Stephen you actually put your head on my shoulder for a second. Its like we were slow dancing for a second. I wept. Stephen thank you for being here. Thank you so much. Im so happy to meet you. I always thought if i met you, we would be great friends in a more natural setting. This is unnatural. Stephen lets pretend theyre not here. This is speed dating. Minutes, lets see how it goes. All right. Stephen congratulations on casual. Thank you so much. Stephen its a funny show and its sad. Yeah. Stephen heartbreaking. Its the story of a sister and kind of a nary do well brother and shes taking care of him beyond when she should. Theyre very codependent, its very unhealthy. Its like a comedy but its not. Stephen is this based on your life . I dont know. I mean, you are a comedienne. I have a tear on the inside. Stephen im a sad on the outside cryer. You were an improviser, right . I was, yes. Stephen where . I was a member of the groundlings. Stephen do you go do sets in los angeles . Yes. Stephen i havent done it in forever. I think i would suck now. No. Stephen its like a sport, your backhand. You lose it if you dont use it. It could be painful to die up there. Yeah, ive done that a lot. Stephen do you have particularly painful memories of dying on stage . You know, groundlings, one time i did a sketch that, in my mind, it was so funny when i wrote it, but when we put it up, yeah, it was going so badly, and i still had, like, four more minutes left of it. You could hear crickets. And i somehow projected into the audience and watched myself on all that made me laugh so hard that i wet my pants. laughter stephen and did you share that with the audience . I shared it with the stage manager who was bringing out a couch and i was, like, put it over there. laughter stephen thats a better story than i have. Do you have a story . Stephen no, i learned to enjoy the feeling of failure. You did . Stephen yeah, yeah. I had a first director who said bomb. Because when you improvise, like, 25 of the time, it works, and the rest of the time is waiting for it to work. Audiences are patient with that because they know youre making it up, but the agony of when you know the 25 is never showing up, that you had to learn to love how terrible that felt. Right. Stephen then i got addicted to sucking. So you like shame is what youre saying. Stephen i love shame. Awkwardness. Stephen i love singing too loud in elevators with strangers. You do . Stephen yeah. I get in there, i sing Gordon Gordon lightfoot. Jimmy buffett. People are probably getting excited, colbert is singing loud in my elevator. I think when people dont know there is things i would love to do when people dont know who you are. When people talk really loud on their phone, i want to get on my them oh, i know isnt it terrible i feel the same oh. Are you on the phone, too . Stephen you dont need a phone to do that, just put your hand to your ear. My hand talks to me, too its terrible. Shut up hi bye stephen your character is divorced in casual. Yes. In her late 30s or 40. Yeah. Stephen is there a difference for you . Are you still dating . Are you married . Im not still dating because i am married. laughter stephen its a modern world, you can do what you want. Yeah. Stephen i understand its, like, welcome back to the neighborhood. They used to work around here. I used to work across the street in a terrible, soul sucking waitressing job. Stephen is there any other kind . Where was the place . It was called martinis. Horrible to me. Stephen theyre gone now right . Yeah, theyre gone. Ha ha cheers and applause stephen it can be tough. Did you ever get to say, im out of here . No, i never got that moment. I was working one time when somebody else did. It was such a big corporate restaurant. Stephen and everybody is an actress or actor. And everybody is an actress or actor. I didnt know half the people because it was so big and i want to tell you what they did. But were on network stephen its okay. What did they do . We did silverware rollups, people come in, throw it around, they dont know it took us 20 minutes to do that. So were rolling those up, yeah, and then all of a sudden the back door opens and this girl, who looked a lot like lili taylor but i dont know if it was, so lili taylor opens the back door and this girl screams i mean, its 9 00 a. M. , were all miserable, i dont know why she took it out on us, but she screams, hey, everybody, i just got a job in a movie, so i quit and bleep you cheers and applause stephen you never i never. Restaurant. No. Stephen do you want to do it right now . Lets go do it right now. Come on lets live the dream cheers and applause come on come on were going out this way. All right, come on come on cheers and applause right out here. So this is a restaurant right across the street. Right across thre stephen all right. Get yourself back in that mind frame. All right. Oh, man this is really great. Stephen all right, here we go. This is a real bucket list moment for me. Stephen imagine that theyre still there. Okay. cheers and applause hey, martinis im on Stephen Colbert stephen well be right back stephen well be right back cheers and applause . . . cheers and applause hes divisive and dangerous. Uh, i dont know what i said. Uh. I dont remember. But congressman hardy supports trump 100 said hell do whatever trump wants him to do. Hardy even said people with disabilities are a drain on society and that seniors who rely on programs like Social Security are a draw on government. Donald trump and congressman hardy divisive and dangerous. Dccc is responsible for the content of this advertising. Jacky rosen im jacky rosen and i approved this message. Man the Tea Party Republicans oin them. Man he is proud to call himself a Tea Party Radical. Man he wants to privatize Social Security. Woman . Just like them. Woman risking Social Security benefits on wall street. Man Danny Tarkanian would raise the retirement age. Woman just like the Tea Party Republicans in congress. Man they would take away what weve paid for out of every paycheck. Man thats Tea Party Radical for ya. Politics should never come before basic health care, but thats the choice joe heck keeps making. Women like me rely on planned parenthood for checkups and cancer screenings, but congressman joe heck voted ten times to take away their funding. Heck even threatened to shut down the federal government to eliminate funding for planned parenthood. Shutting down the government. Taking away access to lifesaving care. Just to score political points. Joe heck should be ashamed. Women vote is responsible cheers and applause stephen thats it for the late show. Good night cheers and applause captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh . Are you ready to have some fun . Feel the love tonight dont you worry bout . Where it is you come from its gonna turn out fine . Its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from lake ontario,
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