Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20160615

And when im Vice President , im going to put a stop to them. [ cheers and applause ] they will not happen anymore. Earlier tonight on our network, abc, the warriors versus the cavaliers, game four of the nba finals, this is the 66th Straight Year the finals have gone to a game four. Its amazing, really. In the first two games, the cavaliers got blown out. In game three, the warriors got blown out. And for game four, both teams went to dry bar and got blowouts together. [ laughter and applause ] the league mvp, steph curry has been getting a lot of attention for his new signature sneaker. Under armour released it. Its a great pair of shoes whether youre a steph curry fans, or just a middle school lunch lady. See those shoes doing very well with fans in ft. Lauderdale. These shoes are so white they just endorsed donald trump for president. [ laughter and applause ] i really dont understand this. Couldnt steph have saved himself a lot of trouble, by just releasing this old pair of skechers. Theyre almost exactly the same. They already have his initial on them. [ laughter ] the new shoes are being called dad shoes. I guess thats an insult. Steph currys a dad, im a dad. So are many nba players, some of them many times over. Maybe its time to embrace a shoe made specifically for dads. Style. Quality. Performance. Introducing the new curry 2 low, the perfect shoe for cleaning the gutter, mowing the lawn, Walking Around the neighborhood at a moderate speed and throwing your back out. Curry two low, for the dad on the go. Available at walgreens. [ applause ] jimmy they have everything, they really do. You know, as the nba season comes to a close, summer begins, which means school is out, the kids go to camp. Families go on vacation, we start rubbing lotion on each other and our local news channel light up our lives with features like this one from the cbs affiliate in omaha, nebraska. This is a willy sphere, and this makes a perfect circle. Oh, wow. Look at that. Where do you get all this stuff . These you can buy and those ones i make. I could just make that. Oh, my gosh. Jimmy hey, be careful with those the sand castle people have children. Hillary clinton got a major endorsement yesterday from president obama. This is funny, Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the president yesterday. Donald trump was endorsed by don king yesterday. This election is the best. It really is. According to two new investigations done by nbc news and usa today, donald trump doesnt always pay his bills. Hundreds of people claim trump or his businesses owe him money. Lawsuits were filed by painters, waiters, bouffant fluffers, you hair gluers, you name it. 60 lawsuits saying he reflected or refused to pay. This could be a good strategy for dealing with the national debt. 19 trillion . What 19 trillion . I dont know what 19 trillion. That was the other guy. [ laughter and applause ] both Hillary Clinton and donald trump are in the process of finding a running mate. Hillary said shell begin her Vice President ial search on tinder, try to get as many matches as possible and go from there. That is not true, but she did say shed be open to sharing the ticket with another woman. Thats what bills been asking her to do for years. [ laughter and applause ] i dont know why theyre on a grand search for a running mate, when they both know full well i am right here. [ cheers and applause ] can i have my podium, please. Thank you, my fellow americans, you are probably aware of the email scandal that has plagued Hillary Clinton throughout this campaign, and because of that i want to assure you i will never have an email scandal. Vp stands for very public and to prove it, i called the fbi and asked them to investigate my emails. Since im on tv, i called an fbi agent from tv. And ladies and gentlemen, here to officially verify my e mails, please welcome David Boreanaz, special agent sealy booth from bones. [ cheers and applause ] this is all on the up and up. I want to thank you for being here, bones. Its a pleasure to have you here. Im not bones. Jimmy i thought you were bones. The show is called bones. No, no, Emily Deschanel is bones. Who are you . Shes my partner. Jimmy youre like a little bones . No, no are we going to do this . Jimmy yes, i asked him to search my email. What did you find . Please share everything with the american people. Everything . Complete transparency . Jimmy everything. I can confirm your email address is fro yo not 67 at aol. Com. That is correct. And youre still with aol . Jimmy yes, im an american and im online. [ applause ] you dont have to give the details. Just tell everyone that after a thorough and intensive investigation actually, did i flag a few emails that id like to go over if you dont mind. Can we put them up on the wall. Jimmy id rather you didnt. Okay, lets go over some of those. This is from jen sharon is the subject to molly. Jimmy thats my wife. Okay, sure. It says, hey, did we send her a baby gift . Jimmy i think we sent her a onesy that says poop there it is. That checks out. This one reads just taco tuesday. [ cheers and applause ] im confused. Taco tuesday. You sent it out to 428 people. Jimmy everyone in my book. Why . Jimmy well, it was tuesday, and i wanted to eat tacos. [ laughter ] are you sure about that . Is that correct . That is true. Jimmy is that it . No, no. On april 12th, you sent a group email with the subject matter here best videos of all time, with a youtube link. Do you remember sending this one . Jimmy i think so. You think so . All right, can we click on the link and make sure to take a look. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy i did send that. Isnt that great . So would you consider that the best video of all time . Jimmy it might be, yeah. Very, very interesting, mr. Kimmel. Because two days later on april 14th, you sent out another email to your inner circle group, right . Jimmy right. Of best videos of all time. Can we click that one up, please . [ turtle noise ] remember that one . Jimmy yeah, that was a turtle humping a shoe. So would you consider that the best video of all time . Jimmy it can be. There cant be two best videos of all time. Its either the faring iguana or the turtle humping the rock . Jimmy i dont know. I dont know. This is too much. I got one more for you. Jimmy i did not send that. I just wanted to make sure you saw that. Jimmy oh, you sent that to me . Thank you. Appreciate that. David boreanaz hes not bones. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy from the fbi. Were going to take a break. We have a great show for you tonight. Oh, when we come back, we sent a camera crew inside the game at the nba finals to find out how long we could delay a fan from getting back to his seat. Its fun. So stick around. Well be right back. Intrthe only lemon lime soda with a twist of real juice. Its a crisp, refreshing twist on lemon lime. Insist on the twist. Innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. vo you can check on them. You can worry about them. You can even choose a car for them. mom honey, are you ok . child im ok. announcer vo love. mom were ok. announcer vo its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Tmobile does data, differently. Stream video and music free without using one bit of your lte data. Switch today and get three lines for just 40 bucks each and your 4th line is free. Hey nithanks. Today. Juicy fruit . Sure ill try a piec. Juicy fruit. So sweet you cant help but chew. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the show. Anthony anderson, bill simmons and music from train is on the way, but first the nba finals are happening as we speak. This year, we tried something new. During the Third Quarter of the first game in oakland, we stopped a warriors fan who was trying to get back into the arena. He got up to get a beer, and our goal was to see how long we could keep him from getting back to his seat. Time for our first ever edition of clock block. Youre good, youre good. This will just take a second. Im sure this guys wants to watch the game. Well get you right back in there, two seconds. Its going to be a promo for the warriors for basketball. This whole thing is a real quick thing for pro basketball. Well get you back in there as soon as possible. You got your drink and your food here. Dont want that to get cold. Just look there and say, were not worriers, were warriors. Were not worriers, were warriors we wont worry. Were warriors, not worriers damn right. That guy just said it. Three, two, one. We wont worry, were warriors, not worriers. Would warriors worry . We wont worry we wont worry. [ bleep ]. Get you back in those seats. Youre missing the whole game. We wont worry. Five, four, three, two, one. We wont worry. Do warriors worry . No, were warriors. Would warriors worry . We were worried, do warriors worry . No, everythings a w. In ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, hit it we wont worry. Warriors dont worry. Will we worry were warriors. Hold on. We got time. 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, hit it. We wont worry. Would warriors worry . Warriors dont worry you were so close. So close. Hold on. Theyre loving you. Theyre loving you back there. Theyre watching this. 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, here we go. We got enough. We gotta get out of here. 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. We wont worry. Warriors never worry. Hold up, one more time. 5, 4, 3, 2 let me say it 3, 2, 1. We wont worry. Warriors never worry aaah. I gotta go i dont want to be on it. 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. We wont worry. Warriors never worry. Were going to win, lets go lets roll tape on this. We wont worry. Warriors arent worried. Were gonna [ bleep ] win [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you for your time. Jimmy its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments whether they need it or not. Its this week in unnecessary censorship. The woman who was doing yoga on her vacation in our state ended up getting [ bleep ] by a bear. We werent ready to play. They just [ bleep ] us right in the mouth. Hes working on klay thompson. I am telling you, i am so looking forward to [ bleep ] donald trump saw a big black [ bleep ] coming this way. Hes been called the [ bleep ] bandit. Caring for each other come rain or come shine ill [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] and youll [ bleep ] mine i feel like if chad and daniel dont find love at the end of this, i think they might ride off into the sunset together. I [ bleep ] my family, i [ bleep ] my friends, and now im going to [ bleep ] you, the american people, like nobody has ever [ bleep ] you before. Jimmy tonight on the show the music of led zeppelin as performed by train, bill simmons is here, and well be right back with Anthony Anderson. So stick around. Portions are jimmy kim live were brought to you by still the king, premiering this weekend only on cmt. Starbucks® cold brew coffee. Now with housemade vanilla sweet cream. Smooth meets sweet. In stores now. Only at starbucks. [ screaming ] rate suckers [ bell dinging ] your Car Insurance goes up because of their bad driving. People try all sorts of ways to get rid of them. [ driver panting ] if youre sick of paying more than your fair share. [ screams ] get snapshot from progressive, and see just how much your good driving could save you. Welcome back. He is a former employee of this progr program. Hes the host of any given wednesday. Bill simmons is here with us tonight. And then later, this is your new album, its a cover album, train from the samsung stage. All proceeds go to a charity, family house. So, buy it. By the way, monday night, were back on for prime time with the nba finals, Ellen Degeneres and the cast of finding dory. And oprah will be with us so, please join us all next week. A funny man you know from blackish. Hes host of to tell the truth of which you can get a sneak peek. Please welcome Anthony Anderson. [ applause ] you look relaxed. You look sharp but also casual and relaxed. I ium home. Jimmy youve been on so many times from the very beginning of the show. I want to ask about your vacation. Because i saw a video of you on vacation with george lopez. This is true so far . So far. Jimmy well, play the video because i need to know whats happening here. [ bleep] [ laughter] oh. [ bleep] got it. See. Jimmy what the hell what is that . It was about it was like a 10inch millipede, man. And i was coming out of the bathroom, brushing my teeth and it ran across my feet and they say when you get bit, its like getting electrocuted. Did you hear how deep my voice got . It was crazy. It scared the hell out of me. Jimmy are you and george lopez sharing a hotel room . We had a villa. A fourbedroom villa. He was on one side, i was on the other. Jimmy i thought you had something you wanted to tell us. Dont threat powder blue fool you. Jimmy blackish and you got a peebabody award . We were fortunate, i got it the same night George Letterman got his and steve martin got nothing. It was a great night. Jimmy this is a game show from 50s . 60s . Yeah. They bring three guests on and one is sworn to tell the truth, the other to lie out of their teeth and i have a panel of celebrity guests. I have leakes and the beautiful and talented betty white. She did the original to tell the truth. So we had to have her back on. Jimmy you have another cast member. Your mom is the score keeper. Is she good at keeping score . My mom went to Public School in chicago and watts, she cant count. Jimmy your mom used to come on our show all the time when you were here and at a certain point, i was like wheres your mom and you were like shes not coming back. She was on punishment. But shes off punishment now. Jimmy can we bring her in . Yeah. Jimmy there she is. I havent seen her in a long time. [ applause ] we want to do is i have to take a break and when we come back, were going to play a little game of to tell the truth between the two of you that i think is going to be very interesting. Anthony anderson and his mom are back after this. Ney. They offer a diy home inspection, which you do yourself, which saves money. They offer a single deductible, so you dont pay twice when Something Like this happens, which saves money. They make it easy to bundle home and auto, which reduces red tape, which saves money. And they offer claim forgiveness, so if you make a claim, you could save money. Esurance was born online and built to save. And when they save, you save. Thats home and Auto Insurance for the modern world. Esurance, an allstate company. Click or call. Tmobile does data differently. Now, stream video and music on your favorite services. Free without using any of your lte data. And, roll your unused data forward. Nobody does data like tmobile. So switch today. 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Youre not the co host. Youre a score keeper. Jimmy are you behaving like a star . Yes. Jimmy in what ways . I get what i want. Jimmy what do you want . Potato chips. Jimmy and do you treat your son with the respect that is typically accorded to the host of a show like this . No. Sometimes. No. Jimmy why do you say no . She comes late. I was late one time. You were late the first show. Second show. She comes with an entourage. Drunk bobby and debby. Theyre in the back. What up, drunk bobby . Hi, debby. Theyre in the green room. Jimmy why do they call him that . Because he like hennessy. [ laughter ] jimmy on to tell the truth, you have three people come out, two of them are imposters. One is the person who says he or she says they are. Were going to do it a little bit differently. Two of them are not true, one of them is true. Things that youve never heard about him before. Secrets from his past and you have to figure out which one is true. Do we need any game show music or anything like that . No, we dont. [ laughter ] okay, here they are. You and dad went out one night, and i was hungry, and i cooked a polish sausage in a pan and i burned it and threw it in the backyard but the house was so completely filled with smoke that i turned on all the fans and you came home and said who the hell burned something . I said, i dont know. Okay, thats one. Two, my brother derek actually pushed a bar stool over on my head and gave me these stitches right here in the family room. Thats true. Hold on i aint even got to the other story yet. And three, i lost my virginity to your best friends daughter in the house, and my brother derek also watched it through the keyhole of our bedroom door. Was it barbaras door . Jimmy you cant ask followup questions. Which do you think is true, one, two, or three . In the den, where my other son knocked him in the head with the skateboard. Jimmy anthony, which story is true . I lost my virginity while my brother watched through the keyhole in the door. [ laughter and applause ] who lived two houses down . Old lady mary, then the samoans. And then barbara. Her name wasnt barbara. Maymays mother, that was her name . Yeah. Okay, well, her daughter, yeah. Shantel. Derek watched through the peephole. Jimmy what do you think of that . Does that surprise you . Thank god she didnt get pregnant. Jimmy all right, now its your turn. You have three stories, give them to anthony. Hell figure out which one is true. I made love in a jiffy lube truck. [ laughter ] jimmy ho thats number one. That explains a lot. Thats why my car is always okay, mama, go on. Free oil change for life. Jimmy number two. Okay, made love in a jiffy lube truck. Jimmy whats the next story . When you was 10 years old, i smoked a joint with francis and i got high and i couldnt walk, and i had to crawl home. Literally, crawl home. And when i got inside, i said, im so hungry. They told me, if you eat, you will come down. So you went in there and fried me a chicken. Jimmy how old was he . 10. Jimmy oh, boy. Okay. Whats number three . Jimmy whats story number three . Your daddy was no good. Your real daddy. Okay. But your grandfather was good. Wait a minute wait a minute we not from the south, mama we from South Central anyway, i said he was a goodhearted man, he left you 5,000 when he died. And i spent it. I bought the dining room table. [ laughter ] see, now this is interesting. Okay. Not going to say my mama smoked a joint with francis, so she didnt really crawl home. I think the first time she smoked on joint was on her 50th birthday in london with me. So, im going to get rid of that one. Jiffy lube and money. My mama is a big freak, so the jiffy lube story could be true. But im going to go with my mother stealing the using the 5,000 that my grandfather left when he died. Because anybody knows me and my mama with money, knows that my mama would never tell me that she had some free money from somebody. Jimmy which one is true . I smoked a joint with francis. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy there you go. To tell the truth airs a special sneak preview at 8 00 p. M. , tuesday. Well be right back with bill simmons whistle now go left, left, left, left. Run to old navy for activewear from 5. 00 and up to 50 off the entire store. To buy a new gym bag. Before earning 1 cash back everywhere, every time. 2 back at Grocery Stores and now at wholesale clubs. And 3 back on gas. Kenny used his bankamericard cash rewards credit card to join the wednesday night league. Because he loves to play hoops. Not jump through them. Thats the excitement of rewarding connections. Apply online or at a bank of america near you. Buy an eligible galaxy device and get a free gear vr Virtual Reality headset. You never believed in fairytales. 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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a sports media juggernaut. He has a brand new website called the ringer and a new show on hbo, any given wednesday. It premieres june 22nd. Please welcome bill simmons. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wow, those are the new steph curry shoes, huh . Theyre great. Jimmy are they comfortable . You were joking in the monologue how they made them for dads. Im a dad. Jimmy there you go. These are wonderful. Jimmy well, thats something. And the socks pair so well with them as well. Thats what they recommend in the commercial. Jimmy is an exciting time for you. It really is. Jimmy this is the First Television show youve hosted . It is. Jimmy and you used to work on our show. Brought you out from boston and now youre wearing shoes that cost 60, sometimes 70. Im wearing the hottest shoes in america. I was thinking about you today. I have a golden tea in my office. Jimmy the golf video game . Right. Im trying to work on something, i basically turned into you. Your kids would come in and you would work on these scripts. Id marvel at your ability to multi task. Jimmy you mean to ignore my children . Yes, i learned from the master. Jimmy put up the billboard. There are billboards, im sure this is new york, there are these huge billboards of you all over the place. Have the kids seen that yet . Theyve seen it. I took my daughter to theres one thats like a 20story building on sunset and she was freaked out. Like she got frightened. Jimmy yeah. And then i got frightened because theres one on gower, and i dont know what happened, but it looks like the atmospheric pressure made my face curve. Jimmy lets look at that. [ laughter ] its like a had a minor medical incident or something. Jimmy its a little bit of a smirk, yeah. By the way, theres one right by my house and my wife said, bill looks very handsome in these things. Thank you. By the way, i had a better joke for that but our publicist talked me out of it. Hes like, dont go out there and say that. Jimmy hes very sensitive. He has tiny little thumbs and so he considers himself hes like in a special class he gave tiny thumbs down. [ laughter ] jimmy you named your show any given wednesday. Yes. Jimmy against my advice. You called me and asked me, you said, im thinking about naming the show any given wednesday, and i said i dont think its a good idea. You were the only person in my life who didnt like it. I was 29 for 30 and you didnt like it. And i realized it was because i handled how i asked you wrong. Jimmy oh, really . Because i learned when i worked with you. You have to do a Jedi Mind Trick with you. Jimmy dont you want my honest reaction to it . I should have made you think it was your idea. Jimmy thats always the best way to deal with anybody. And i should have given you a list of ten names, with nine terrible names and any given wednesday and youd be like, i like that one and we would have been good. Jimmy that would have been a waste of time. What were the other top candidates for names of the show . Its so hard to name stuff. We had the sim thing with the ringer. Jimmy i like that name. Thank you. And for four months, theyre like, thats the Johnny Knoxville movie where hes in the special olympics. We were like, people are going to say that. You said to me, even Johnny Knoxville doesnt remember that movie anymore. Jimmy hes scratched that from his brain. We couldnt come up with a name. Jimmy you still didnt really. Your show is called Jimmy Kimmel Live youre not live [ laughter and applause ] jimmy youre misstating that. The show is called Jimmy Kimmel Live and people mispronounce it. What i worry about, the show will repeat on hbo a number of times through the week. And then its confusing if you watch it on thursday, youre like, oh, this is old. Thats fair. My whole thing, i didnt want to work on the weekends. If you do hbo, sunday night is their big night. And i thought if i had wednesday in the title, i wouldnt have to work. Yeah, because any given sunday wouldnt roll off the tongue. I thought of it and you didnt listen to me. What is the show going to be like . What do you have planned . First of all, its weekly. But were going to have conversations. Try to be topical and big picture. Jimmy are you prepared to announce your first guest . Our publicist said high wasnt prepared to. Jimmy that little thumb bastard. No, its going to be fun. I think the difference is when we have people on, were trying to tie them to a topic and a reason for them to be on other than come like me coming out here and promoting the show. Like when you come on, i want to team you with somebody like carl malone. Jimmy yes. That you like. Jimmy not just carl malone. Make it carl malone. And then youre on and we talk to carl malone and that would be fun. Jimmy lets do that right now. That would be great. I ran into carl malones wife and daughter on the street yesterday. Weird insight into my life. Anyway, the ringer, the website, tell me what the idea is. Does it differ from your last one . Its sports, pub culture and tech. Its a little more timely because things move so fast these days. Like news happens and theres 45 different think pieces on in an hour. So you cant take your time as much. We also have features and columns too. Jimmy one of my favorite bits of trivia about you, even though you do run a forward media empire, you still have an aol email address. And a blackberry. Ive been in meetings where i have all these young people jimmy dont be sad. Its not like he cant afford a gmail address. [ laughter ] ive been in meetings where im like, hold on. And its like youve got mail, and theyre like, oh, my god, youre so old. But now i have the currys. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy i wish you a lot of luck. The website is called the ringer the show any given wednesday. Any given wednesday premieres june 22 at 10 00 p. M. On hbo. Bill simmons, everybody well be right back with train. He gets a ready for you alert the second his room is ready. So he knows exactly when he can settle in and think big. And when josh thinks big you know what he gives . Ill give you everything ive got and then some. He gives a hundred and ten percent im confident this 10 can boost your market share. Look at that pie chart boom youve never seen a number like that you feel me lois . Im feeling you. Yeah you do lets do this watch out he just had a whole thimble full of coffee. Woot woot the ready for you alert, only at laquinta. Com. La. Quinta yeah [ cheers and applause ] dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by samsung. Jimmy its like a car. Id like to thank Anthony Anderson, bill simmons, David Boreanaz and apologize to matt damon. We did run out of time for him. Nightline is next. But first the album is called train does led zeppelin two, here with the song heartbreaker, train [ applause ] hey fellas have you heard the news you know that annies back in town it wont take long just watch and see how the fellas lay their money down her style is new but the face is the same as it was so long ago but from her eyes a different smile like that of one who knows well its been ten years and maybe more since i first set eyes on you the best years of my life gone by here i am alone and blue some people cry and some people die by the wicked ways of love but ill just keep on rollin along with the grace from the lord above people talkin all around bout the way you left me flat i dont care what the people say i know where their jive is at one thing i do have on my mind if you can clarify please do its the way you call me another guys name when i try to make love to you yeah i try to make love but it aint no use give it to me give it work so hard i couldnt unwind get some money saved abuse my love thousand times however hard i tried heartbreaker your time has come cant take your evil way go away heartbreaker heartbreaker heartbreaker heart [ cheers and applause ] this is nightline. Tonight, three young women at this club, the moment terror changed their lives forever. Cornered in that back bathroom, the remarkable story of survival, being pulled out from that hole in the wall and remembering the friend they lost. Plus, did she know . The shooters wife now a focus of the investigation as we learn more about his secret life. And the Assault Rifle at the center of the attack. In 40 states, no waiting period. Now renewed calls for ban americas rifle