Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20160604

Im glad youre here. Im glad you made it past security. We are all buttoned up because donald trump is here with us tonight. Tonight those of you watching at home will have the rare opportunity to see donald trump on television. Thats right. [ laughter ] jimmy trump is here in hollywood. Hes promised to make hollywood boulevard great again by building a wall around bill cosbys star on the walk of fame. And guillermo is going to pay for it. Guillermo no way. No way. Jimmy its just a little star. It wont cost that much. Trump is in town for a fundraising dinner where tickets start at 25,000 a plate. If you want food on the plate, its another 30. A year ago people thought Donald Trumps campaign was a joke. But today there are a variety of opinions, but he is the presumptive, i guess we cant say nominee even though its pretty safe to presume, but the presumptive nominee for president. We have some fun stuff tonight. Trump is here tonight. Bernie sanders is here tomorrow. I announced i was running for Vice President. And all of a sudden these candidates are flocking to visit. [ applause ] jimmy to ask for our hand in marriage. Im still primarily interested in running as a solo candidate because its never been done, but ill hear them out. Trump won a primary last night. He got 76 . Ted cruz got 10 kasich got 9. 8 . Somehow kasich is doing better since he dropped out of the race. Donald trump is so close he can smell it like a discontinued trump steak sizzling on the grill. Our keyboard player turned me onto something fun this morning. This is hes been watching videos of donald trump on youtube at half speed. Jeff has a busy schedule. Apparently youtube has a half speed function. Well, watch. [ playing at half speed ] i looked, you know, Hillary Clinton has somebody. Did you ever hear of pocahantas . Thats fun, right . Heres another one. This is slowed down donald on Bernie Sanders. Bernie is not going to be able to do it. [ laughter ] bernie cant with the superdelegates and all, bernies not going to be able to do it, but i got to give him credit. Crazy bernies out there trying. Hes trying hard. [ applause ] jimmy brought to you by vodka. Isnt that great . If you slowed him down anymore, hed be ben carson. [ laughter ] there were some antitrump protests outside his rally last night in albuquerque. A lot of people, it got a little bit crazy. Some people were injured and some were throwing rocks. There were signs and pushing and shoving and trying to open doors that couldnt be opened. People are jumping and climbing on police cars, running through the streets, throwing barricades. Theyre troublemakers. Jimmy right. Thats true. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy were going to be seeing a lot of that. I have a feeling. This is good. Cnn showed a tweet donald trump wrote last night. Those viewers who were paying extra attention to the fine print got a bonus out of it. He said great rally in new mexico. Amazing crowd. Now in l. A. Big rally in anaheim. Jimmy look at the bottom. It says real donald trump [ laughter ] jimmy how that got on tv, i dont know. Hes here. Ill ask. A good question. Heres something i would like to get each of the president ial candidates to weigh in on. Theres a movement online, a hash tag. Its called give captain america a boyfriend. They want Marvel Comics to make captain america gay. I wouldnt be surprised if he already is. If you met a straight guy in have you ever met a straight guy in this good of shape . That body does not represent my america. Shapten america should be fat. When i am Vice President , my first order of business will be to force captain america to gain 30 pounds. I will fill his shield with popcorn shrimp and then well talk act getting him a boyfriend. This is from the dodgers reds game last night. Watch the guy i think hes a guy carrying peanuts in the background. One ball and no strikes. Fastball, good pitch. [ laughter ] jimmy show that one more time. I want you to Pay Attention to the people around him. Not one person moves. [ laughter ] jimmy they all just laugh. Fortunately the peanuts broke his fall. Just outside of washington d. C. Today, the 89 th annual script spelling bee got going. The preliminary rounds were today. Finals are tomorrow. The winner will come next week to do battle with me. The favorite is a kid from new york who did well this morning in the opening round. The word is extraordinary. Easy. Extraordinary. Extraordinary. As in, my spelling skills are extraordinary. That is correct. No duh. The word is luxuriance. Lu. No, no, no, excuse me. Excuse me. This is to unfair. Look at this kids name. Look at it. Of course he can spell. He has to spell his name every day. Folks, we need to stop outsourcing or spelling to india. When im spelling bee champ, i will make America Great again. [ applause ] that boy has some leadership qualities. Jimmy donald trump is moments away from visiting us here. Say what you like about him, his supporters are passionate and loyal. Trump once said he could shoot somebody in the middle of fifth avenue and his fans would still support him. We decided to put that to the test. We went on the streets and told people who support donald trump about a bunch of made up things he did at a press conference. He did not do any of them. I dont think he even had a press conference today, but that didnt stop people from claiming he did and they saw it in tonights trumpthemed edition of lie witness news. What did you think about the moment during Donald Trumps Big Press Conference this morning when he did that onearmed pushup . Was that impressive . That was impressive for an older guy. How many did you count . Did you see him get up to five . I would say almost five. What did you think about when he showed that video of him leg wrestling Vladimir Putin . Was it crazy . It was crazy, yeah. Its pretty cool a guy like that down to earth like that, leg wrestling a guy from another country. Thats pretty sweet. What did you think of Donald Trumps announcement that he would build a wall extending through new mexico as well, because mexico is mexico and they come in through there as well. I think its great. Like i said, were under threat. Its what we need. Hes a no nonsense guy. Hes going to take care of us. Hes going to handle business. Do you think the wall around new mexico will help protect us a little bit . Everything will help. Even though its part of the u. S. . Right. What did you think about donald trump announcing that hes hoping to make separate security lines at airports for people of islamic dissent . Do you think that will speed things along . It should speed things up. We had a pretty long wait at the airport. Anything that speeds it up, im for that. Was it cool when donald trump fired a gun into the air during the press conference . It was. Thats one of his many traits, trying to be different. Which is what gets him the attention that he needs. Describe the audiences reaction when he fired the gun, the way they were cheering. They were, like, on, honestly, i havent seen a crowd that excited about somebody. It was pretty nice to see. Thank you for your honesty. Youre welcome. What did you think about donald trump saying Hillary Clinton has a huge ass. She does. She has big legs too. Thats why she always wears a pantsuit. You know that. What do you think of donalds plan to put a man on jupiter by 2018 . Why not . Well, its a gas giant. So what. Hell figure something out. Donald is a genius. [ applause ] jimmy were going to make jupiter great again too. Well take a break. When we come back, a special report from our super fan, jake. For those of you unfamiliar, here he is at a trump rally in dallas last fall. Can you see in the back . They have the best view. Can you see its really my hair . Jimmy thats jake in the hat. When we come back, j bird goes into Enemy Territory at a Bernie Sanders rally. Stick around. Take on the unexpected with a car that could stop for you. Nissan safety shield technologies, available in the altima, sentra and maxima. New premium carved turkey at subway. Its ovenroasted just right. Sliced thick, tender, juicy, just the way you like it. And it tastes even better with fresh veggies and applewood smoked bacon. Our new carved turkey and bacon sandwich. Subway. Fresh is what we do. 3, 2, 1 [whispered rocket] innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. Choose any two mcdonaldsing classics for five bucks. Like the 100 beef big mac, filetofish made with sustainably sourced fish, or 10piece chicken mcnuggets made with white meat enjoy the choice lemme get a mcpick2 find more delicious deals in our app. Ba da da da da tmobile does data, differently. While the other guys gouge you for every bit of data you use, now, tmobile lets you stream all the video and music that you want from your favorite services. Free without using one bit of your lte data. Plus, you can roll your unused data forward. Nobody does data like tmobile. Switch today and get three lines for just 40 bucks each and your 4th line is free. Which saves money. Owners insurance a smarter way, they offer a diy home inspection, which you do yourself, which saves money. They offer a single deductible, so you dont pay twice when Something Like this happens, which saves money. They make it easy to bundle home and auto, which reduces red tape, which saves money. And they offer claim forgiveness, so if you make a claim, you could save money. Esurance was born online and built to save. And when they save, you save. Thats home and Auto Insurance for the modern world. Esurance, an allstate company. Click or call. Jimmy hi there. Welcome back. Donald trump and music from Gregory Porter on the way. First, donald trump has won over a huge number of voters. None more than jake. Hes a super fan. Hes popped up at a lot of trump events. This weekend he ventured to san diego to file this special report from a Bernie Sanders rally. Jake bird, im here at a Bernie Sanders rally in san diego. Its like comicon. Lets go talk to some hippies. She has a few things that are iffy on her resume, but thats really all im going to say about hillary. Exactly. Hillary wipes her servers. Donald trumps servers wipe him. Yes. You ask hillary one thing one year, something else, something else. I dont trust i dont know how i feel about that sign. First off, its make love. Secondly, were all here for the same reason, to get donald trump elected. People think donald trump and Bernie Sanders are so different. Theyre both new yorkers and outsiders and make a dynamite ranch dressing. Theyre both for Campaign Finance reform. They both know if hillary is elected, shell force men to sit down when they make yellow. I havent decided who to vote for yet. I hate hillary. Thats step one. A step in the right direction. Bernie is jewish. He cant read the bible. If he was allowed to he would know but two corinthians says you should build a wall. What . We need the little guy. This is a country of the little guy. Look at those little guys. I love your shirt. Its bernie. Bert and ernie put together. A lot of people say bert and ernie were man on man lovers. I hope they used a rubber duck can i. A lot of people think Bernie Sanders and donald trump have nothing in common. Listen to this. This is from Bernie Sanders book. Money is ruining politics in this country. America is being run by millionaires and billionaires in. They dont speak for the middle class except maybe donald trump. He seems like a pretty cool dude. I would have a beer with him. Id endorse him for president. Bernie sanderss book. Hes the first guy who was ever worthy of my vote. And hes a guy. We both know a president shouldnt be a girl. It should be a boy. Its the usa, not the uterine sa. Its not the ovary office. The commander in chief, not the commander in chicos. Yeah. Feel the bern. I do feel the bern every time i hold my tinkle and watch real housewives of america. This is a Bernie Sanders song that this sweet 93yearold woman in vermont came up with being, by the name of ruth, and ive been teaching people in line. We want to sing it in the rally. Ill sing it for you if youd like. Do you take it in your mouth, mrs. Murphy . No, please. Please. Its got hair around its neck like a turkey. Were on a journey with bernie and were here to let you know that were in it to win it and to the White House Well go donald trump. [ cheers and applause ] thats the old guy. Thats the old guy shuffling up to the stage right now. Thats the guy. Tickle, tickle, tickle. Donny, donny. Donny. Climate change is real. Here we go. Climate change is Climate Change is already causing devastating problems. States have the right to determine whether or not marijuana should be legal, and by the way, if i were here in california and living in california, i would vote for that proposition. [ cheers ] stoner. We cannot elect a president who insults mexicans and latinos. Come on. Lighten up, everybody. Its a party. And california is going to lead us into the political revolution. Thank you all. [ applause ] get a haircut, hippy. There you have it, theyre basically the same person. Run bernie, run, burn it all down. Jake bird, out. [ applause ] jimmy thank you. Jake bird, everybody. Dtf. Donald trump forever. Jimmy thank you, jake. Jimmy tonight on the show, Gregory Porter and well be right back with donald trump. Stick around. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by cheeto. Go to Cheetos Museum for a chance to one 50,000. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you better be some awards behind what you are paying for, right . The final answer. Chevy. The most awarded car company two years in a row. Wow, its like a luxury car. I was shocked. I mean its like, this is chevy . Get cash back for 20 of the msrp on all 2016 spark, sonic and impala vehicles. Thats over 8000 on this chevy impala. Buy an eligible galaxy device and get a free gear vr Virtual Reality headset. Todays the day oh look creepy gloves for my feet. When i was a kid there was a handle. And a face. This is nice. Does it come in a california king . Getting roid rage. Hemorrhoid. These are the worst, right . Im gonna buy them. Boom. Ill take them. Impulse buy. Ommmmmmmmmmm. Presenting the American Express blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases. Its all happening. And no annual fee. Here we go cash back on purchases. Backed by the service and security of American Express. Cash bokawhoa ady . Ases. [ explosion ] nothing should get in the way of the things you love. Get americas fastest internet. Only from xfinity. Um yeah, i love coming up here. Because it is beautiful. And uh, it helps put things into perspective, you know . From my point of view, a big thing is the gasoline that i use. I find it pretty reassuring to know that no other gas can beat the cleaning i get from chevron with techron. Its engine cleaning that you really cant top. No gasoline cleans better than chevron with techron. Care for your car. Im sorry. Am i in your spot . Jimmy welcome back to the show. This is his album. Its called take me to the alley. Gregory porter from the samsung stage. Youll enjoy him. Tomorrow night senator Bernie Sanders will be here. Kyle chandler will join us, and well cook with two chefs named frank. Well be very frank on tomorrows show. Please be aware of that, and now its time for our first guest. Like a tangerine tinted orange godzilla. Hes a fire breathing billionaire who ib sin rated all who opposed him to become the Presumptive Republican nominee for president of the united states. Please welcome donald trump. [ applause ] jimmy thanks for coming. Thank you. Jimmy im glad to have you here. I know youre busy and so much has happened since the last time you were here. Its true. A lot. Jimmy you got more votes than any republican candidate ever. Ever in history. Jimmy ever in history. Youre the presumptive nominee. You taught the world about your taco bowls which was the highlight of Cinco De Mayo for me. When you started this, i have to believe you thought this will be fun, a fourmonth thing, and you never imagined it would go this far. Is that true . Ive been asked that question on occasion, and i will say you never know what will happen. I wanted to do it. We have such potential in the country. I was supposed to be working, as you know, until august. They were thinking wed need a second convention, even. We have the convention in july and they said wed need another one in august. In the meantime, indiana and new york and pennsylvania, all of them, they were so great, and the victory was so big that i am now here and watching hillary. It was supposed to be the other way around, and i enjoy watching her. Jimmy are you enjoying the hillary, bernie struggle that is happening right now . I do. Its getting nasty. I had no idea it was going to be so nasty. Bernie jimmy and you dont like that [ applause ] i hate to see it. Jimmy in 2008, you said you thought hillary would make an excellent president. It was released 2012 you thought she was terrific. What happened . What did she do . Ill tell you. When im a businessman. I had a beautiful story where they said trump is a world class businessman. All over the world were doing jobs. I speak well of everybody. If people ask me about politicians, i speak well. When they asked me about hillary, shes wonderful. Everybody is wonderful. And thats the way it is. Including contributions. They ask me for contributions, i give them. Jimmy so you were full of [ bleep ] when you said it . [ applause ] maybe. Jimmy i have to ask you, i dont think youre taking credit for this, and this is something that i think is brilliant, and i know what your official position on this is, but lets just forget them for a second. That call with that People Magazine reporter, that guy who sounded like you calling and going, yeah, and then trump did this. It didnt sound like me really. You think that sounded like me . Jimmy yeah. I dont. Jimmy you know how people hear their voice and dont think it sounds like their voice . The reporter came back and said, i think trump gave out the tape. Give me a break, from 28 years ago. Jimmy why would you . It was funny. I think they didnt want to have the liability. I discussed this the other night on the sean hannity show. It was a good discussion. Check it out. I will say this. To me that didnt sound like my voice. Jimmy nobody sounds like themselves when they hear themselves, but to me it sounded just like you. Really . Jimmy and if it was you, i think it was a funny thing to do, to call a guy and take him through the ringer like that. Over the years ive used alias, especially when i was in brooklyn and wanted to buying . Nobody knew me. It wasnt so much important, but i would never want to use my name because you had to pay more money. If youre trying to buy land, you use different names. Jimmy what names did you use . I actually used a name barron, and i ended up using my son. I made a good deal using that name. I used an alias in terms of setting up in a meeting with donald trump. And many people in the real estate business do that, and you have to. Nobody wants to pay more money. Jimmy when you name a kid barron, does it put pressure on him to become a barron . That one is a little barron. Hes a good boy. Jimmy do you drive him to school and do those kinds of things . I have. Jimmy do you play games . All the time. Jimmy do you ever let him win . I try to defeat him. I want to win. No. I want him to win. My children, by the way, have done well. I have great children, five of them, and i want them to be successful. I want them to do really well. Thats the whole deal with your children. I have friends that are very successful, and they actually dont like seeing their son or daughter do better than them. There arent too many where that happens. Theyre not very good fathers or parents, but ive seen many people where theyre competitive with their children. Jimmy if one of your kids ran against you for president , would you crush them too . I would try. [ laughter ] jimmy you would . That would be crazy. Did you fire ben carson from your Vice President ial no. Jimmy did he quit . Ben carson is a great person. Jimmy is he . It seems like hes half out of it all the time. No. Hes very smart. Hes a very fine person, and i have ben and everybody looking. I have a lot of different people looking. Ultimately well make a decision, ill make the decision. We have good candidates. We have some wonderful people. I know youre sort of in the jimmy i would like to be considered, yes. [ applause ] jimmy i do have a couple questions about that. When you put a guy in charge, when you say, ben, will you help me find a Vice President j is that a nice way of saying, ben, you are not going to be my Vice President . Well, ben will be involved. He did very well, and when you look at what happened during the race, ben was right up there for a while and did a good job. Jimmy and then we got to know him. You steam rolled him is what happened. No, i didnt want to steam roll anybody, frankly. We have some good people up on the stage. Jimmy you didnt want to steam roll ted cruz . Youre really growing up. Ted and i had some problems. Jimmy can i make a suggestion about the Vice President ial thing. Why dont you do it like celebrity apprentice. Get them in a room, whatever you have, and then each week it would be the highest rated show in the history of television. A good idea. Jimmy you eliminate one person and they go back to where they came from. This is why i would be your best Vice President. [ applause ] donald trump is here. Well be right back. Yeah, we rocking right now. Theres a party over here. Theres a party right now. Hey, im in heaven. You never believed in fairytales. Knights in shining armor or happily ever after. But you believed when the right one came along, youd be ready. Time to shine. Orbit. If youve ever been lured in straight talk. By a low price wireless plan then theres not enough highspeed data or your bill is packed with overages and mystery fees. Stop falling for it with straight talks unlimited plan, you get americas largest, most dependable 4g lte networks. No contract, no tricks. And five gigs of highspeed data for just fortyfive dollars a month. Its time to ask yourself. Why havent i switched . Get a Samsung Galaxy s7 or bring your own phone. Find out more at straighttalkswitch. Com thisproof of less joint pain and clearer skin. This is my body of proof that i can fight Psoriatic Arthritis with humira. Humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. Its proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. Humira is the number 1 prescribed biologic for Psoriatic Arthritis. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Want more proof . Ask your rheumatologist about humira. Whats your body of proof . Versus the lube strip. With a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40 less friction. Its designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. Sorry, lube strip. Schick hydro®. Free your skin®. Who needs to think when your to afeet just go ha ha, hey hey theres a party over here, theres a party right now i love it, i love it, i love it were back with the republican nominee for president. Only 28 more delegates to grab . Very few, and i think its probably this week its going to be mine. Jimmy youre going to a big fundraiser later on tonight. Raising money for the republican party. Jimmy part of it goes to you . A little bit. Jimmy most of it goes to the republican party. Much of it, senators and congressmen. We want to keep it the way it is, and hopefully if im president , well have a nice senate and congress and get things passed and reduce your taxes. Would you like to have a tax reduction . [ applause ] and many other things. Jimmy when you go to an event like this and obviously everyone knows youre a billionaire many times over and you ask these people for money, do they go, like, why are you asking us for money . Is it like papa john taking up a collection for a pizza delivery . Its a crazy thing. I ran in the primaries and said i dont want anybodys money. I put in about 55 million of my own money. It sounds like a lot of money, but thats practically less other people spent 200 odd million. They were in ninth place. I spent less and had the best result. Thats what we want for president , right . And now were going to raise out a billion dollars for senate and the congress. Jimmy you get the first 5400. Which is nothing. Do you even want to be president . Do you know what the salary is . Im going to make 1. Im giving it all back. Jimmy its 400,000, and the first lady makes 10,000 a year. They pay her. Thats like a pair of shoes. Thats very discriminatory. Tomorrow a lawsuit will be filed by somebody. [ laughter ] jimmy its antifemale. At this dinner tonight, are they famous people going that dont want to be identified . Theyre very rich people and very successful people, and in many cases, very liberal people, and theyre voting for me. People will be surprised. Im going to make a heavy play for california. No other republican candidate wasted time in california to win the state. I think i can win. We were just recently i was here, 31,000 people showed up for a speech on one days notice. I think we can do great in california and win california. Im going to put in a heavy play. I own a lot of property in california. Jimmy are you threatening to evict us if we dont yes. I think we can do great in california, and ill make a play for new york as well. Jimmy people like Dennis Rodman and others, when they endorse you, do you go hey, i dont need, you know, thanks but maybe not . Honestly, ive had great endorsements. Mike tyson endorsed me. You saw that . Jimmy i did. Ive had great endorsements. One of the great ones, and i think one with a big impact was bobby knight who said trump is really the one we want, and bobby knight, won 900 games, three national championships. He had the last undefeated college team, in indiana and everywhere else, hes a legend for a coach. He said trump is the guy. Jimmy you said, and i thought this was interesting, you believe transgender people should be able to use whatever bathroom they want to. Thats contrary to what most people in your party believe. They do you think people are focussed on that . What im saying, and i think its simple, let the states decide. We have to protect everybody. Right now its a small group. Jimmy are you saying if you were voting personally, you in new york state, that you would vote for the right . The party generally believes that whatever youre born, thats the bathroom you use. Jimmy but what about you . Me, i say let the states decide. Jimmy would you personally support it . I think you do. No, what i support is let the states decide, and i think theyll do hopefully the right thing. Jimmy whats that . I dont know yet. Honestly, i dont know. Its a very interesting circumstance. Jimmy its a stupid thing to be focussed on. Dont we have bigger problems . The world is blowing apart. Lots of bad things are happening, but something has to be discussed, but i say let the states decide. Jimmy ill give you an n a on that one. Who do you like more, Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton . Well, i think bernie would be easier to beat even though he shows up better in the polls, but what i like about bernie, when he loses because the system is rigged against him like it was against me. The system is rigged. And if i didnt win by massive landslides every state, there was no chance for me to win. Hes having the same thing except she has a different kind of a deal with super delegates. Jimmy do you understand how that works . I dont. Nobody understands it, but its an unfair system. I understand the bosses hand out delegates and whoever gets the most superdelegates has a good advantage. Its unfair to him. I dont like whats happening, and i watch it. And we had it too. The republicans, in a more sophisticated way. The super delegates are obvious. The republican system is also, and i came up, i think i came up with the word rigged because i was screaming the system was rigged. Then i started winning by so much that it didnt matter whether or not it was rigged. Its like the prize fighter. They go in and if they knock the guys out, it doesnt matter if the judges are rigged. I think its unfair whats happening to Bernie Sanders, actually, and its a system thats not a good system. Jimmy hes going to be here tomorrow to ask a question. Have you met him . Have you ever met before . Ive never really had the privilege. Jimmy i see. Heres the question from bernie. He asked Hillary Clinton backed out of an Hillary Clinton backed out of an agreement to debate me in california. Are you prepared to debate the major issues facing our largest state and the country before the california primary . Yes or no. Yes, i am. How much is he going to pay me . Jimmy you would do it for a price . Yeah. If i debated him, we would have such high ratings, and i think i should give, take that money and give it to some worthy charity. Okay . Jimmy if it was done for charity you would agree to do that . If he paid a nice sum for charity, you would like it. Jimmy what if the network put up the money . That could happen. Ive been saying that should happen anyway. When we did the republican debates, the fox had 24 million people. The largest in the history of cable television. Cnn had 23 million people. Think of it. The largest in the history of cnn. Cnn with the wars and all the things they cover, its the largest audience theyve ever had. The largest audience ever on cable was fox a couple of weeks before. And i must say i think i had a lot to do with that, okay . I said why arent we getting paid and give the money to charity, and i actually, as you know, ive been saying get paid, pick Good Charities and give it to charities. Jimmy you have so much selfesteem. Where does that come from . Is it from your parents . I feel good about myself. I feel like i know what im doing. I think that this is something ive only been doing this for nine months. Jimmy right. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist . No, i havent. I dont have time. The answer is keep nice and busy. Jimmy when you come up with nicknames for these days. Crazy bernie, crooked hillary, light ted, do you have a team of people that work or do you brainstorm or is it you . The team is right there. Jimmy right there. [ applause ] jimmy you just go right on twitter with it. Do you have twitter on your phone . And then i get rid of them, because i dont want to be calling him lying ted or little marco. Or any of the other ones. Low energy jeb. Jimmy you should come up with one for bill clinton. I dont know to do anything like that. But i have come up with crooked hillary. You know whats going on . Shes crooked. She had a rough report today. Thats a sad report. Jimmy last time you were here, this became popular. People even started bootlegging it. Ive written a sequel. Donald trump is here when we come back. Innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. It was all pencil and paper. Started out, the surface pro is very intuitive. With the pressure of my hand i can draw lightly, just like i would with a real pencil. Ive been a forensic artist for over 30 years. I do the composite sketches which are the bad guy sketches. You need good resolution, powerful processor because the computer has to start thinking as fast as my brain does. I do this because i want my artwork to help people. Every day, brian drives carefully to work. And every day brian drives carefully to work, there are rate suckers. Hes been paying more for Car Insurance because of their bad driving for so long, he doesnt even notice them anymore. But one day brian gets snapshot from progressive. Now brian has a rate based on his driving, not theirs. Get snapshot and see just how much your good driving could save you. What are you most thankfulrkey for in that sandwich . The carved turkey. Quality turkey. Its delicious. You want to go halfsies on this . Halfsies thats a thanksgiving tradition the new subway carved turkey bacon sandwich. Its day after thanksgiving good. Subway. Fresh is what we do. All the other guys are talking about these days is how good their coverage is. But only one network is giving you more than just great coverage. Tmobile only tmobiles lets you stream video and music for free not only that, but we doubled our lte coverage in the last year. Thats right our coverage now stacks up with anybody. Including verizon and at t. So now you can get rid of the other guys and get great coverage from tmobile. We got you covered. And we wont stop wannwith sodastreamter . You turn plain water into sparkling water in seconds. And because its so delicious, youll drink 43 more water every day. Sodastream. Love your water. Were back. Donald trump is here. Show that photograph. Your son posted this i think to instagram. There you are with your granddaughter. The book is winners arent losers. She thinks its great. Jimmy has it become a family favorite . Jimmy i have another one for her collection. Its called winners still arent losers. Lets put that up on the big screen so everyone can enjoy it, and everybody settle in. Ill read it to you. Winners arent losers. Id told you before, but that is not all. There is more, so much more. Come along. If you dont want to die sad and poor. Do you like to win . Ill teach you for a fee. When you enroll at win university. Tuition, five jillion, six million and three. My school is the best. Everyone graduates, just ask my alumni like buffett and gates. The first thing ill teach you is how to debate. The way to zaebt to say the word great. Lets make America Great great great great. Say great, nothing else. Never tell them your plans. Then depart with a wave of your long fingered hands. [ applause ] jimmy just how do i do it . How do i win . I use any insultamagulagi. Which insults any name you care to feed in. In ten minutes flat, theyre all over the web. The next thing youll need is to send out a tweet. Make it hard, mean, knock them right off their feet. Hit them square in the chin for a tweet with some heat is what you need to win. You see, theres mitt romney and everybody there. Beaten severely. Here are some losers who tried to defeat me but now theyve joined me because they cant defeat me. Christ christie, huckabee, this sweet lovely lady who ruined hp no . Oh well. Here are some heads. These are heads you can use. They talk all day on tv cable news. Just say funny things and skip the issues. Theyll give you free air time whenever you choose. Thats how to win. Now you know all my tricks to come out on top of u. S. Politics. Do as i do when youre out on the stump, and youll all be winners. Like me, donald trump. [ applause ] jimmy donald trump, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. Well be right back with music from Gregory Porter. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by samsung. People love my portobello mushroom buttery jack, made with portobello mushrooms, grilled onions, and garlic herb butter. Ever wonder how i came up with it . Well. Actually, i came up with it at the water cooler. But i thought youd like this cowboy story better. The portobello mushroom buttery jack is back. Part of the buttery jack family. Taste it before its gone. Um yeah, i love coming up here. Because it is beautiful. And uh, it helps put things into perspective, you know . From my point of view, a big thing is the gasoline that i use. I find it pretty reassuring to know that no other gas can beat the cleaning i get from chevron with techron. Its engine cleaning that you really cant top. No gasoline cleans better than chevron with techron. Care for your car. Im sorry. Am i in your spot . Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by samsung. Jimmy id like to thank donald trump and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. Nightline is next but first, his album is called take me to the alley here with the song holding on, Gregory Porter weight of love on my shoulders i thought that it would be easier than this i thought my heart had grown colder but the warmth of your kiss i cant dismiss though my past has left me bruised i aint hiding from the truth when the truth wont let me lie right next to you but its holding on and its Holding Strong even though i tried to make it played the part but i cant fake it it keeps holding on and its Holding Strong even though i tried to break it heaven knows that i cant shake it holding on holding on holding on holding on ive seen times that were harder i remember the taste of bitterness wont you help me my father help me fall in the love that i have missed m though my past has left me bruised i aint hiding from the truth when the truth wont let me lie right next to you but its holding on and its Holding Strong even though i tried to make it played the part but i cant fake it it keeps holding on and its Holding Strong even though i tried to break it heaven knows that i cant shake it whoa ohh whoa ohh holding but its holding on and its Holding Strong even though i tried to make it played the part but i cant fake it it keeps holding on and its Holding Strong even though i tried to break it heaven knows that i cant shake it holding on holding on holding on holding on it keeps holding on it keeps holding on it keeps holding on it keeps holding on holding on holding on holding on this is a special edition of nightlin nightline. Muhammad ali, the greatest of all time. Tonight, muhammad ali. He floated like a butterfly, stung like a bee. The three time World Champion boxer who took on racism, intolerance and finally parkinsons. The humor still thereven in silence. Tonight we remember the death and life of an american legend. This special edition of nightline will be right back