Transcripts For KGAN The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20161105

A bottle. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes viggo mortenson. Patton oswalt. And comedian maz jobrani. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, whats up . Thanks for being here. Hey, jon. Stephen welcome to the late show, everybody. Everybody. Thank you so much. Oh, hows everybodys friday going so far, everybody. cheers and applause i suspected as much. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Dont forget, Daylight Saving time guys, dont forget this, dont forget this, dont forget this. Daylight saving time is this weekend. That means when its 2 00 a. M. On sunday morning, turn your clock back to 1 00 a. M. But dont forget to set your alarm to wake up at 2 00, so you can set it back to 1 00 again. And if we all remember to do that, it will never be tuesday. Somebody tell barack and michelle theyre not leaving. And with just four days four days left in the race, theres some strange stuff going on. For instance, this is true, we just learned that Trump Supporters are trying to trick now, i just want to be clear to everybody watching you cannot do that for the president ial election but it does explain why Hillary Clinton just won americas got talent. Her talent by the way . Her talent . Jon yes, big time. Stephen hillarys talent by the way blowing huge leads. Now, no one is saying the Trump Campaign is out to stop people from voting, except for the Trump Campaign. Because last week, an unnamed adviser said that the campaign was having three major Voter Suppression operations under way, targeting liberals, young women, and african americans. Wow, they really dont want alicia keys to vote. laughter of course, people are angry about the election, but they are angry about everything these days. For instance you North Carolina for everybody to get mad about starbucks holiday cup. Now, starbucks hasnt unveiled their official holiday cup yet, but the new preholiday cup is out. Here it is. You can get a shot of that jimmy . Its green and has a picture of people drawn with one continuous line, okay, because what says starbucks more than a line that goes on forever cheers and applause just know your order when you just know your order its meant to symbolize unity but people on twitter have written furious responses to this cup, like this one, starbucks. Green cups . War on christmas. Last days. laughter and perhaps the hottest take of them all yes symbolize this team of peace and love where i will gouge out your eyes with a cinnamon chip scone people are more divided than ever by this unity cup, so i figured we should check in with someone whos an expert on christmas and, like starbucks, is literally everywhere god. Lets do that now. Are you there, lord . Its me, stephen. Yes, how you doing there . Im here. Stephen its the lord, everybody, say hi hey, everybody, hey, everybody. Stephen how you doing, lord . Well, im a little tired from watching the world series the other night. Did you like how i made it rain. cheers and applause yes, good game, good game. Stephen what did you say . Did you like how i made it rain before extra innings . What can i say, im a drama queen. Stephen god, how do you feel about the new starbucks i need my starbucks. Fidont have my morningula taw, i get all old testament. Sodom and gomorrah happened because someone served me decaf. Stephen but what about the war on christmas . Oh, please. People need to lighten up. Without some stupid cup, people will just forget my sons birthday . Oh, that reminds me. Im taking him to dinner. Got to make reservations. Its the 25th, right . Stephen yes. I should know that. Stephen yes. Well, before you go, im just curious. Since god has many names, what does the barista write on your cup . Well, as a celebrity, i have a lot of aliases god, yahweh, jehovah but mostly i use my real name, gary. laughter . Stephen your name is gary . Yeah, gary trendleton. Nice to meet you . Stephen nice to meet you, too. Ladies and gentlemen, gary. cheers and applause bye, everybody. Tonight. Viggo mortenson is here, so stick around well be right back. . . . applause fact. People spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. Advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. Gentle, nonhabit forming advil pm. Whats it gonna be . An ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. Man long live queen elizabeth. You dont think i wouldve preferred to grow up out of the spotlight, away from the scrutiny and the visibility . flash bulbs popping man are you my wife woman i have seen three great monarchies brought down through their personal indulgences. The crown must win. flash bulb popping whooshing . . . This is the time . . The time for harmony . . Let love be the song . S. C. Johnson. Discover card. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, whether youre wearing layers. Beads, stripes. Or cheese. If you bleed blue. Black and yellow, purple or various shades of red. Putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing. When i come home and dinners not ready i go through the roof. Grab em by the p. T. You can do anything. More accusers coming forward to say they were sexually assaulted by donald trump. Ill go backstage before a show. Yes. And everyones getting dressed. Donald trump walked into the dressing room while contestants, some as young as 15 were changing. Standing there with no clothes. You see these incredible looking women. Id look her right in that fat ugly face of hers. Do you treat women with respect . Uh. I cant say that either. Alright, good. Im Hillary Clinton and i approve this message. . . . cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody. Give it up for the band. Ladies and gentlemen, listen. If you watch this show, and you watch on a regular basis, you know we like to have a lot of fun on the show tell jokes, hahaha. But also, we have deep concerns about the future, and occasionally i like to use my service announcement. And i recently learned about the plight of one species that deeply troubled me. And so, right now, im going to record a p. S. A. , and joining me is another famous person who truly cares. Hello. We are stewards of the earth. And every living thing is precious. Im Stephen Colbert. And im viggo mortensen. cheers and applause and were asking you to please help us both save the bees. Stephen no other single animal species plays a more integral role in our food chain. And over the last decade, the global Bee Population has plummeted over 30 . Stephen which means less stinging here but more stinging laughter so, wont you please do your prart r part and save the bees . Stephen thanks so much. Thanks so much. Thanks, man. Thanks for stepping up and doing the right thing. That really felt great. It feels really good to give back. Stephen it sure does. I know we have to do the interview in a second, but i was thinking as long as i got you here, youre standing here, maybe we should just Record Record next years p. S. A. S, too . Sure, why dont we just record the next decade or something. Stephen that would be great. Why dont we record all the p. S. A. S we were going to record for the next five years but do them now. Youre on. Stephen jimmy. Last year, we asked you to save the bees, and it worked. Stephen thanks to your help, scientists solved the mystery of colony collapse disorder, and Bee Populations are on the rebound. More yummy honey in my tummy. laughter . Stephen thats right. But sometimes saving bees isnt enough. The bees deserve a better tomorrow. And thats why were asking you to help both educate the bees. The bees are thriving, and they want to learn. Stephen theyre so much smarter than we thought and are quite interested in subjects like military history and engineering. laughter so, wont you please do your part and both educate the bees . cheers and applause we asked you to save the bees. Stephen we asked you to teach the bees. And you did more than we could ever imagine. Stephen now there are too many bees. laughter and they are alarmingly smart. Stephen they know too much about us. So, please, dont bumble this opportunity to stop laughter as you know, humanity is at war against the bees. Stephen the time for talking is over. Weve lost every battle and were running out of food. But we still have hope. Stephen the bees must have some kind of weakness, even if they seem like tiny indestructible gods. Which is why we need you to both join the fight against the bees. Stephen head to a recruiting station before nightfall. They own the night. Stephen but if you act now, you can be the buzzerbeater. Together, we can all both defeat the bees. He were he were stephen hi, im Stephen Colbert. And im viggo mortensen. Stephen did you know every day more and more dolphins suffer at the hands of our fishermen . In order to protect these laughter stephen wont you please help us to both save the dolphins . Dolphins are beautiful, intelligent creatures. Stephen and they would make a powerful ally in our war against the bees. They can jump out of the water and swat the bees with their tails. Stephen and maybe they could use their soans to confuse the bees . Sonar. Stephen they the bees have begun building submarines. Stephen why did we teach them engineering . Calm the hell down, Stephen Stephen im sorry, im scared. I am, too. So, act now to both save the dolphins in order to recruit them in our war to destroy the bees. cheers and applause stephen the war with the bees is finally over. We must rebuild our cities and reseed the earth. But first, we must build monuments to our merciful bee overlords. Please join the hive and both serve the bees. They let us live, and deserve our obedience. Stephen unlike those treacherous dolphins. They were the ones who tried to lure us into an unjust war against the bees this guy get over here it was them it was them, my queen. We would never disobey you. Down slave down stephen get down there im drone 27534. 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Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Good to have you. One of my favorite actors is my first guest tonight and has appeared in some of my Favorite Movies of all time. His latest is captain fantastic. Please welcome viggo mortensen. . . . applause nice to see you. How you doing . Very good. Thanks for having me. Stephen you know, as i said in the introduction, youre one of my favorite actors. You know, not just from some of my Favorite Movie of all time, but from your performances in a lot of movies. I would say that your your promise might be the greatest fight scene of all time, okay. applause id like to say it was fun. Stephen one of the greatest movies ever made. Do people still kind of yell, hey, look, its aragon. Is that how they mostly know you . Do they think of you as that . I sometimes yell that, im aragone. I have gotten a lot of mileage out of that. Stephen we have your sword. Could we have a shot of that, jim . We have your sword. Just to make me happy. Good luck. Stephen thanks very much. Thanks very much. I dont actually think of you as aragone anymore. Thats good luck. Stephen im getting a vibe off of that. I dont think of you just as aragorn, i think of you as thoh, rogorn. I think of you one as one of the alexwon. Also, secretly the strider of the rangers. Stephen, yeah. Impressive. Youre up on your token. Stephen oh, yeah. I can live with you . laughter . Sure. Stephen maybe. We could practice sorld fighting. Stephen what is it like to be what would it be like to live with viggo mortensen. In this new movie, captain fantastic, you play an unfengzal dad to lives off the grid with his kid. Six kid. Unconventional person and you have lived off the grid, right . I dont know. I keep to myself a lot. But i dont know that i live off the grid, exactly. What do you mean by that . Stephen you seem like you eshoe convention. You go your own way. You go is what im saying. You go your own way. Sure. Stephen do you have an iphone . Ive got a yeah, ive got an well, its my phone. Stephen you have a flip phone . Its ringing. This is a phone. Stephen is this someone really calling you . Hello . Vinny . Vinny, no. Im im in the middle of something. laughter im with my friend stephen. No, you all right, all right. You vinny wants to say hi. Stephen vinny . laughter hey. Tell h stephen it is. Theres actually a guy on the phone. I thought you were bleep me. Theres actually a guy on phone. Hello . Yes . Hello. Vinny, not now. Stephen no, you cant come over. We dont have any clothes on right now. Were off the dprid right now. Sword practice. Stephen sword practice, he says. Exactly. Well, listen okay, thanks vinny. Thats good. Were going to need a release for him to put this on air, i think. Thats fine. Stephen thats fine. Ill release. Stephen this is a stone tool. laughter this is a motorola flip phone from, like, 1997. Yeah, you dont have to you can walk around with it. Stephen its magic, my friend. You have to plug it in. You have to plug it in eventually. Do you . Stephen yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can walk around on the street. You dont have to use it just in your house. laughter . Stephen thats true. Its one of those new cordless phones that they have. I recommend it. I recommend it. Stephen when you when you were getting ready to play the dad in and ill turn it off because i should have done that. Im sorry. Well, vinny, sorry. Yeah. Stephen yeah, you really should have. Yeah. Stephen that was very rude of you. Unprofessional. Stephen yeah, it is. Even. Im sorry. Stephen but youre a consummate professional. You throw yourself into your roles with complete abandon. I do. Stephen like in this one, you play the father of all these six kids out in the wilderness. Yeah. Stephen again, totally off living in a bus or something . What are you living in. A tee tee. Stephen do you think this would be a good way to teach children, a good way to raise them . Honestly it, doesnt matter. You dont have to win out in the woods woodz. But i think the idea, honestly, to be truthful, at all timeses not matter how young the kid is, no matter what the subject, whether its death, sex, anything, just tell them the the truth, no matter what age they are. I think thats good. And have open discourse and, you know, for themselves and to be able to defend their ideas. I think thats all good. Stephen well we have a little clip here of applause we have a clip of its you on the family bus talking to the kids about what youre going to have to do as a family or how you might have to conform, because mom is actually back in the city because she has some problems. Stephen some problems that back into society and this is you telling them how life is. Yeah. Stephen another jim . Powerful, controlled the lives of the powerless. And thats the way the world works. Its unjust, and its unfair. But thats just too damn bad. We have to shut up and accept it. bleep that. applause that was you know, i mean, its also a road trip. The kids insist on going to see the mom, even though ive been told by my inlaws, who are quite a bit different. Theyre very conservative, sort savages. And weve been ive been forbidden to come anywhere near their daughter. And the kids insist on going on this road trip, and thats when everything starts to go haywire. Stephen how much of that is what youre like . Could you give that speech and end it with bleep that . Is that how you live your life . Because you know youre not like to my son, could i say that . Stephen do anybody. Not just raising a child, but is that how you feel, like you have to do message of nonconformity . Because i know youre not choosing between trump and clinton in this election. No, im not. Im voting for jill stein for the same reason i supported bernie sanders, you know, because shes talking in a meaningful way about many things that arent discussed in the debates. Stephen like what . Theyre not really going into Climate Change in a big way. Theyre summer not talking about overspending in the military. applause theyre not talking about foreign policy. I mean trump and clinton are trying to outdo each other saying, im going to kick ass here. Im going to kick ass there. She has proven to us she likes to do that and not always the best idea when she does that at times, and shes bellicose. Trump, who know what he will do. As far as foreign policy, i would say they trust her about as far as i could throw trump. Stephen so to you, essentially . Its like curse on both their houses. I do honestly think its one of the one of the poorest maybe the poorest choice weve had in an election in my lifetime. And its unfortunate. And ive had a lot of people and i understand their point of view, you know, friends and strangers, publicly and private, go after mea say, how could you do that . Youre naive. Youre stupid. Youre elitist. Youre a patsy for trump. End of my life and look back and say i didnt vote my conscience ever when it didnt matter. And you can make an excuse every year for not voting for a third party. I dont know. I want to vote my conscience and feel right about it. Stephen do you live in the United States . Yes, i do. I wont be for long . Is that what youre saying . Stephen i have some evidence here that you actually are a nonconformist and you spread the spirit of nonconfo you and all the children in this movie. And this is you on the red carpet at the cannes film festival. Its true . Yes, it is. Stephen can you explain how this came about . laughter . I think our middle fingers have been blurred out. Stephen they have been blurred out because youre on cbs. Ah theyre great kids. I mean theyre so on, beadient. laughter theyre so on, beadient. Time at cannes. And we may not be invited to go back. Stephen you will live in the tee pea again. Thats right. Stephen thanks for being here. Listen on, the off chance jill stein is not elected president on tuesday, will you come back and talk to us again about whoever youre going to vote for the next time . Youre not running this time. I know you ran you could write me in if you want to. If trump wins, would you consider be secretary of state . I mean if trump wins, im moving to wherever youre going. laughter applause stephen captain fantastic is now out on dvd and on demand. Well be right back with Patton Oswalt. Stick around. Simulation initiated. Take on any galaxy with a car that could stop for you. Simulation complete. The new nissan rogue. Rogue one a star wars story. In theaters december 16th. cheering on tv you may write me down in history, with your bitter, twisted lies. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still like dust, i rise. You can shoot me with your words. Can kill me with your hatefulness. But still, like air. We rise. Im Hillary Clinton and i approve this message. I could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot somebody and i wouldnt lose any voters, okay . And you can tell them to go f . Themselves. You gotta see this, i dont know, i dont remember. Hes going like i dont remember. . This is the story of falls biggest fan. Autumn was born on the first day of fall. And from an early age she learned to love the season. Leaf piles and pumpkin pies. Hot apple cider and cozy sweaters. Which brings us to the very moment at such an amazing price . No. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. applause . Stephen hey, everybody. Thank you, jon. Welcome back, folks. My next guest tonight is a very funny guy who recently won an emmy award for his standup special, talking for clapping. He performed last night at the new york comedy festival. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Patton Oswalt . . . applause oh, hi. Stephen thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. Stephen how are you doing . Aaahh. Im okay. You know, its its its weird. Doing like, me sitting here now talking to you, this part very easy. And then, also, staying home curled up in the fetal position easy. laughter . Stephen there might be a few people out there, just to explain, who that, sadly, six months ago you lost your wife michelle. Yes, yes. Stephen for the people who dont know that, now you are youve been very public about it, about your grief, in ways that i think has been very appreciated by people who have experienced grief because there are a lot of times people dont talk about it, and they dont want to hear it sometimes because they feel almost like its contagious. Its so terrible for people to contemplate, but you sharing with other people i been a beautiful gift for someone to give to know that other people are not alone. So thank you for that. I mean, its a applause thank you. I think i think its a way for me to when you said, it feels contagious. It feels like youve summoned this virus and youve become this avatar of loss, to kind of desummon it, the more you talk more light on to it, people can see all the angles and say, oh, okay, that is horrible, but theres life on either side of it, and its somehow manageable. Ive heard from people that have gone through unbelievable like loss that i cant even wrap my head around in the depths of my loss. But you can and there are these really long messages that ill get. And you realize the length of the message is them beginning to talk about it and write about pouring out. And its theres just if you dont talk about it, then grief really gets to set up and fortify its positions inside of you and begin to immobilize you. But the more you talk, the more you expose it to the air and to the light then, you know, grief doesnt get a chance to organize itself, and then you can maybe move on a little better and a little easier. Thats been my experience in these six months. Know, have been away from performing and now youre coming back to performing. Yeah. Stephen how has that been . I must imagine when you first considered coming to do comedy, thats must have been a weird feeling to do. It was really it was really weird, the process of getting to do the show. Again, once i get on stage and start talking, it weirdly becomes okay because the stage was always a safe place for me. It was a safe place that i was used to. But its the getting in the car people are coming into a room, and ive been through this loss, and im going to talk how dare i talk about this thing. But then in a really weird way, it takes you out of your own head and your own ego to go, well, wait a minute. Everyone in that room, each individual person, youre all meeting at this moment of you dont know what theyve been through that day or in their lives or what they have going on. So if you all meet together at that one where youre all denying whatever is bad for just telling jokes and being ridiculous, theres something its weird how both me and the audiences that ive been performing for, we all just kind of rise to the occasion. Its a its a way to make the darkness feel uncomfortable with itself for a little bit. You know . applause stephen i do know. I do know. Yeah. Stephen yeah. Grief cannot be fixed. It can only be experienced. No. Stephen unless you allow yourself t e will stay. And it cant be remedied. It must be endured. And its the endurance, weirdly enough, that becomes the remedy. Does that make a little i do. Like a no, its the acknowledgment of it. Its like a demon that must be named and then it can go. Yeah, if you can name it, you can manage it. You can mock it, you can manage it. Im quoting todd glass right there. But if you can mock it you can manage it. Stephen the devil cannot ignore mockery. Oh, yeah. Not too crazy about if youre being entertained or laughing at what is supposed to be terrifying you, it just takes all of its strength away. Stephen you cant laugh and be afraid at the same time is what i like to say. Yes, exactly. Stephen youre not doing this alone. Unless youre on bath salt s. Stephen that is true. Then you can do both. Stephen then your laughter is actually terrifying. Yes. Whoa should i take bath salts . Sorry. Te that will be good. Stephen you and your wife michelle have a daughter, alice, who you are raising. Yes. Stephen anda what is that experience like for you . Is she helping you . Oh, shes my daughter is helping me immeasurably with this, with the way that we when you see someone who in your mind, oh, shes only seven. Im the im the 47yearold here. Im the wise one. But you realize when youre when theyre younger they have do because because theyve experienced less of the world, and because theyre kind of creating the world as they go along, that grief lets like grief has been introduced to them in a world that they havent yet completed. So its way easier for them to go, im just going to place grief over here because i have all this other cool stuff that im still constructing and reforming. To get to see that is a reminder, again, to me, to get out of your own head. Kind of reverse your valences and put grief where you want it to be, not where it wants you to be. And my sevenyearold is showing me how to do that its pretty incredible. Stephen yeah thats a great gift. Thats a great gift. It is. Stephen how do you explain to her who donald trump is . laughter i show her the cantina scene in star wars. laughter and then i go, imagine a and thats for being too belligerent and too, you know he was being applause he was saying he was saying he was saying racist stuff about gun darks, and theyre saying were just trying to have a drink here. Please. Weirdly, and this is going to sound a little cheesy, you know whats been helping raise my daughter is having hillary to point at on tv, and go, look, theres this person and becaus getting i can tell her, i know youre getting hit with stuff, you know, feelings and stuff in your head be, but shes not only has she been getting hit with this stuff since he was a teenager, a teenager, shes had people coming after her. But its all televised and recorded and now, she has to she has to prove herself to this person that is it isnt even that hes awful. Its that he is he is the but she has to somehow beat him. applause you know what im saying . Whats weird is, people that support trump, some of the things they like about trump kind of make sense. But then he negates it. Like the thing that they like theyll go, you know whats great about trump . Hes antip. C. , and he just says and nothing gets to him. And youve got to go, stop, look. I understand that that could be a good thing. He is the most p. C. Human being t political correctness. P. C. For him stands for personal comfort. Its all his feelings. If you piss off somebody on the internet or twitter, theyll start a hashtag against you or write an angry essay. He will go, i will see you in court for saying that thing about my hair i want money his brain, its his brain is its just a desert where things are laughter barely alive. And then theres this giant dark words, my feelings, and if those words light up, everything in the desert dies, and we have to start over again. That is how his brain works. cheers and applause literally how his brain work s. Stephen four days, four days. God, please. Stephen patton thank you so much for being here. Thank you for sharing your story with us. People need to hear it. Patton oswalt will be performing in minnesota on november 11, and in n well be right back with maz jobrani. . . . . . . Im Hillary Clinton and i approve this message. Donald trump i could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot somebody and i wouldnt lose any voters, okay . And you can tell them to go f themselves you know, you could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever. You gotta see this guy. Ahh, i dont know what i said, ahh. I dont remember. . . . . . . applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back. Oh, folks, my guest guest has performed at the white house and the Kennedy Center and now hes here to perform for us. Please welcome the very funny thank you, thank you. Im excited to be here. Im a big fan of the show. This is fantastic. A lot of crazy things going on in the world right now. The elections are almost over. A lot of crazy applause yes, yes. A lot of craziness, islama phobia is on the rise. Im originally from the middle east myself. I was born in iran. And i gotta tell you, its a hard time to be middle eastern these days. Its a hard time to be middle eastern these days. And by these days i mean laughter yeah, thats the last year we had a good year, yeah. Remember that . 1516, we were in the super bowl. But we didnt win. We didnt win. Yeah. Its crazy because theyve been kicking middle eastern people off of airplanes left and right for doing nothing. Did you guys hear about this guy . There was a middle eastern guy on an airplane, he was watching something on his phone, there was gun violence on the phone. The passenger sitting next to him, saw him, saw he was a middle eastern guy, got him it was spirit airlines. Have you heard of spirit airlines. If you have heard of spirit airlines, work harder so you no longer have to hear about spirit airlines. This poor guy was watching on the phone, there was gun violence. They investigated. It turns out it was a middle eastern guy watching the news. Thats why he got kicked no one is thinking anything. What did the lady sitting next to the guy think . It was isis looking at lastminute instructional ideas. Im going to go like i go like that. Hold on, dont fly. Im still studying. Go like this, go like that. Skews me, i can borrow your phone. Im starting to hijack the plane, i cannot see how its craziness. Its a fear of immigrants, right. Theres a lot of fear of immigrant. If you watch fox news, you, too, will be afraid of immigrant. I watched a half hour of fox news and i was afraid of immigrant. You watch fox news and youll say, oh, my god, the mexicans are going to take our jobs, the im going to get eaten my a mexican muslum shark with the zika virus named Barack Hussein obama. A lot of it is fear of immigrant. First of all, if you like trump or not, when he first started running, everybody thought it was a joke. Everybody was like hahaha. Now, no one can believe it. Search like ha ha ha no one believes it and ive been watching the guy. Ive been trying to see if hes got any plans. Hes got no plans. Its a lot of slogans with no plans. And hes at the reallies and he just says the slogans, he repeat the slogans and no one asks about the plans. Hes at the rallies. Gonna make America Great again gonna make America Great again gonna build a wall. Gonna beat china gonna beat china listen, the number one thing ive heard Trump Supporters say, number one thing, i love him because he says whats on his mind. He just says whats on his mind. He just says whats on his mind you go, what, are your thoughts about his policies . I dont know about his policies. He just says whats on his mind. I thought that was the dumbest thing i had ever heard. Until i went to visit my mother, an iranian lady. She fell for she said, maz, i like this guy. He says whats on his mind. I said are you crazy. Hes antiimmigrant. If he became president , they couldnt come and visit you. She said, i dont like them anyway. applause yeah. A lot of immigrants actually like trump. A lot of immigrants get in this country and they dont want any more of them coming. I swear to god, i was in an this guy loved trump. Barely spoke english, but he loved trump. He was trying to tell me what i great politician he is. He kept saying what a great politic he is. He kept saying,donald trump, number one politic. Very good, number one politic, very good, number one, vrkd, number one. I said, dude, hes antiimmigrant. Youre an immigrant he said, yes, but im here. applause yeah. For me, good politic. For my cousin, not very bad politic. I actually think that trump does not want to win. I really do. Hes a megalomaniac billionaire businessman. He wants to make money. He of you dont make money as a president. I think he wants to lose. I really do. Thats why he says so much crazy stuff. And then that tape came out where he said if you want to pick up women you have to grab them by their. I said, mom, did you hear what he said. If you want to pick up woman you have to grab them by the. She fathers day. Thank you. cheers and applause stephen his movie, Jimmy Vestvood amerikan hero, is now available on amazon. Maz jobrani, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause stephen well, thats it for week when we will be live here on cbs monday and wednesday, and live uncensored on tuesday for our Election Night special at at 11 p. M. On showtime. Good night. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org . Are you ready to have some fun . Feel the love tonight dont you worry bout . Where you come from its gonna be all right . Its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from christchurch, new zealand, give it up for your