[laughter] i mean they are thick. Ive seen them. It is on my website. [laughter] it would have been perfect if trump had actually bought greenland for us. America does need a place to store its christmas ornaments. But hey, you cant have everything. But who cares. We have a lot. The country still adding jobs. Were at 21 consecutive months with the Unemployment Rate at 4 or lower, like 3. 5 . Meanwhile, trumps got our allies making sure they are paying their bills, not us. I wonder, are we the suckers anymore . For years we have been the suckers. Were not the suckers anymore. Greg i think he answered my question. Thats why hes president. So yeah, it was a year of relative peace and prosperity, but to hear the media tell it, it was more like this. [screaming] [laughter] greg the horror, this orange thing thats living in the white house, bringing jobs to the country, reducing poverty, cutting taxes, nothing, nothing but an existential threat. The existential scandal that has surrounded the trump presidency. Hes an existential threat to those american values. Donald trump is such an existential threat to our democracy. President trump is an existential threat to the future of the united states. Hes an existential threat to the country. They believe hes existential, that they need to unseat president trump. Greg hes an existential threat to brain cells. [laughter] and you wonder why trump talks to reporters this way. I just told them ive got to come over and see the fake news. What do you have, john . Be quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Youre with cnn and youre fake news. Fake news which is you and you. You dont want to do anything about it. Do you think i should do that . No, no, do you think i should do that, john . I watch your onesided reporting. Do you think i should do that . John, no, seriously, john, do you think i should just sign . Well the argument is tell me, tell me. John, do you think i should just sign . Would you do that if you were in my position because if you would do that, you should never be in this position. [laughter] greg you know, its a sad fact, we dont deserve him. [laughter] greg and the dems, they only have one trick left. Its called call the hearing, find a crime later. The mueller report, impeachment hearings, russia, ukraine, it was all the same, create something from nothing all because they are worried that their candidate wont get the job done come november. And god knows they put enough candidates out there. [laughter] greg they are like gremlins. You leave the room for five minutes. You come back, theres twice as many there. [laughter] greg of course, the medias darlings turned into duds. Remember beto, oh, hes just like kennedy. But enough about his driving. [laughter] greg kamala oh, come on. Youve heard worse from me. Then theres kamala who drew a bigger crowd than obama once, then fell apart like an ikea cupboard, didnt even make it to the primary. Did the moderate candidates get any attention . Not really. Did the only interesting one in the bunch get any attention . Not really. Right mary anne . Mr. President , if youre listening, i want you to hear me, please. You have harnessed fear for political purposes and only love can cast that out. So i, sir, i have a feeling you know what you are doing. Im going to harness love for political purposes. I will meet you on that field, and sir, love will win. Greg i would give anything to see that. [laughter] greg i still have hope, my marianne. Sorry, the thing is, of all the candidates, still in or gone, can you pick one of them looking like they are having fun out there . You know, they drink beer. [laughter] they got hair cuts. They played beer pong with water. All to try to seem relatable to you. While the other guy checks in with his base and everyone has a good time. Is there any place where we can have more fun than at a trump rally . [cheers] sleepy joe, he understood how to kiss the rock obamas im president , and they are not. Better looking. Including the men. We are going to keep on winning, winning, winning. Whether you love me or hate me, youve got to vote for did i se him . That could be tough next year to beat. No wonder they are banking on imare the stock market at least ending the decade around 28,000. Do you know where it was ten years ago . 10,000. Thats a lot. If i only i diversified instead of giving all my money to my bald neighbor karl. [laughter] greg what did i see in karl . Also saw historic declines in poverty, disease, and deaths due to climate di sasters. Decade got weird too, safe spaces became a thing, identity politics became a thing, free speech and free thinking instead of embracing it, the way universities are supposed to. Some people learned the hard way that they could ruin their own lives with one tweet, called cancel culture a term didnt exist ten years ago. Maybe next decade will be lightning which is the point of this show. Thanks to you, we have had our highest rated year ever. So everyone [cheers and applause] everyone, everyone here gets a car. [laughter] greg no you dont. But thanks for watching. Thanks for laughing. Were happy you are here because really this show is the best thing that happened this decade. We give you the news. We give you the trends. Most of all, we give you talking animals. So far its worked out. Right, guys . Yeah yeah yeah [laughter] greg lets welcome tonights guests. [cheers] greg yeah. The theologian and Fox News Contributor jonathan morris. [cheers and applause] greg host of the quiz show on fox nation. [cheers and applause] greg yeah. Hes quirky, smirky and can strangle a turkey shes quirky, smirky and can strangle a turkey, kat timpf. And tyrus [cheers and applause] greg welcome to the show, jonathan. You look great as always. What do you make of this era . I feel like the era, had no real identity until 2016; right . Like who would you say about the 2010s now . Well, politics was so boring before 2016; right . And it will be forever boring after trump; right . Could be 2028, 2032, who knows; right . Greg yeah. Things go so fast right now. In part it is because of the politics that were living in right now but also in part just because of social media and technology. We are living at a very high rate, and thats good and bad. I think its a question all these Democratic Candidates and others are talking about existential. That has to do with being; right . What is being . What is our being . What is purpose . And its hard to do in a very fast world. Greg but it is so funny hypocritical because none of those people really think that deeply. [laughter] greg i mean they just discovered the word existential on a word a day calendar. [laughter] greg im using that one. No, i have it. No i have it. You have cuomo arguing over the world, tom. What was your favorite thing about 2019 . You know, it occurs to me, greg, that he is an existential threat to the democrats. I mean, because hes driving them crazy. Hes like a laser pointer and they are all a bunch of cats. They go whatever he points at, they go, and they scream at it, but the thing is, they are into it. Hes got them all wrapped up in trumpism, you know, and they hate him for it, but like he said, hes got an i dont know what the logic of it, but it makes weird sense. He says love me or hate me, but youve got to vote for me. [laughter] its like who has ever said such a thing . Greg he is also an existential threat to media. Its like hes killed old media. Hes exposed them. He treats the media the way the media treated us as people. Media was always on top basically saying the average citizen was stupid. Trump is doing that to the media, kat, thats my theory. [applause] [inaudible]. K in the media,. Greg no, i dont. I work outside the media. Where are we . The decade it was all right. Greg yeah. Told you i could do it. [laughter] i dont know, i mean, i dont know. I went through so many decade in review lists to try to figure out what to talk about. Greg right. I dont know i dont like a lot of the things other people like. Greg right. I still dont know what fortnite is. And the jonas brothers, any white millennial dude could come up to me and say im a jonas brother. I would say i believe you. I dont know who they are. If i had to pick a favorite thing, it would be a tie between leggings becoming acceptable as pants, eric swalwell, and Honorable Mention goes to steve harvey crowning the wrong miss universe. Greg i think if you put it all together, swalwell and leggings farting would probably be an amazing moment. Do you like the odd years or even years, tyrus . What the hell . What is xexistential . Do i like the odd or even numbers . Im going to go with even. Me too. Greg i do too. I like to be equal. I like an equal question. Greg okay. What is your take on the year, the decade . Every month of this decade was the end of the world, especially during the trump presidency. Breaking news, trump did some [ bleep ] and theres an asteroid coming to get us right now. Every week it was the end of democracy. Greg right. North korea was going to bomb us. Syria was going to bomb us. Greg yeah. At the end of every show, you just didnt know. Greg exactly. Then you would wake up and you would be like that movie sucked. You would go through the anticipation, excited, fired up, going to be the scariest thing ever, and it is like ducks bathing in a pond. It is really not that bad out there. It is actually the best its ever been. Greg that is true. It has been the best. One problem though is im frightened by ducks bathing. It happened when i was a child, i was attacked by ducks in a pond. I dont know what im talking about. Back with more great stuff in a minute. [cheers and applause] here, it all starts with a simple. Hello hi how can i help . A data plan for everyone. Everyone . Everyone. Lets send to everyone wifi up there . Uhh. Sure, why not . Howd he get out . a camera might figure it out. That was easy glad i could help. At xfinity, were here to make life simple. Easy. Awesome. So come ask, shop, discover at your local xfinity store today. Greg its the phone call that started it all. So trump calls the president of the ukraine. They have one there actually. Someone blows a whistle and says that phone call isnt right. Dems get all excited and call for impeachment inquiry and trump is like take it easy. Heres the transcript of the call. And then this guy makes like hes really reading the transcript out loud. I dont see much reciprocity here. I hear what you want. I have a favor i want from you, though. And im going to say this only seven times so you better listen good. I want you to make up dirt on my political opponent, understand, lots of it. By the way dont call me again. I will call you when you have done what i asked. [laughter] greg except that didnt actually happen. That wasnt the real transcript. And then he claims oh i was just making a joke. Yeah, that was super funny dude. [laughter] greg as i watched that, i was thinking to myself who the hell does he remind me of . [laughter] greg so [cheers] greg so we did this. Watch. And now adam schiff reads nursery rhymes. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didnt know what to do. She gave them some broth without my bread and put them to bed. A wise course of action. [laughter] [cheers] greg and things just got weirder from there. And now adam schiff applies for a loan. Yeah, im sorry, mr. I dont think you qualify for a boat loan. I dont understand. As you can see, im all ready. Yeah, thats not how this works. How about now . [laughter] greg and then it just gets weirder. It gets weirder. [cheers and applause] and now adam schiff tries buffalo wings for the first time. Cant believe you have never had buffalo wings before, adam. Im a little suspicious. [laughter] just give them a try, but be careful. They are hot. [laughter] spicy. [laughter] i give up, man. You are so weird. In a court of law. [laughter] [cheers and applause] greg how did this come about . What is it about adam schiff that makes him so unique . As you know, none of these are about politics at all. Hes a very strange guy. He lives in an alternative kind of universe. Greg right. He sees the world his own way, which were all encouraged to do. Greg right, exactly. I prepare for the role by wearing shoes that are two sizes too small. [laughter] then i spray lemon juice into my eyes and then were off to the races. [laughter] simple. Greg i imagine you are being treated differently when you walk down the street. Around fox news i am certainly. All they want to talk about is adam schiff. Im getting emails every day. They are fantastic. Im hearing the suggestions. We have a lot of creative writers out there. Greg do you know what its made me its made me kind of interested in his life, kat. I want to know more about adam. Do you know his wifes name is eve . I did not. Greg adam and eve, kat. I have heard of the bible. Greg jonathan is aware of that. Maybe you arent. I know the bible. Greg barely. Thats a weird insult. Okay. I also did a lot of research into adam schiffs life. Greg yes. For this segment. Greg well done. Thank you. And he wanted to be a screenwriter. That makes all the sense in the world. It actually explains everything, like all the dramatic readings, the same things that he knows are going to get him on tv. Hes a vegan too, so he even eats like a hollywood [ bleep ]. So i have an idea. We should all start a go fund me to actually buy one of these scripts. That way he will do that and get out of washington. Greg thats true. Tyrus, hes never sold a script. Hes never sold a script. Neither have i, but i mean, like, get a grip. On behalf of hollywood [ bleep ] everywhere, i would just like to say, schiffs a little different because hes unsuccessful hollywood screenwriter, him and about 4 billion other people. Greg yes. You usually see them waiting tables, not working in the house of representatives. Greg yeah. But it was funny to me that i think he tried to sell this impeachment thing is going to do one or two things. One it is probably going to ruin his political career when it is over, but he did give us a really good snippet of his latest screen writing thing which is what he was doing when he was ad libbing the trump memoirs was actually his latest screenplay. It is a spy movie. Greg yes. He tried to put it in everyones ears like wouldnt it be great if i wrote a screenplay for this . This is all for his movie, the impeachment files. Greg yeah. He cant write that. No, hes trying out in impeachment. He tries it. Where he said it seven times, dont call me back. Thats literally what hes doing. Alking about adam schiff and hes here. Greg yeah. Is that okay . You dont want to be rude. You want to talk in front of peoples faces. I wonder if adam has seen these videos. Oddly enough, greg, the president has tweeted out four of them. Greg i think we have one more. Lets go for one last one. I think it is adam ordering a pizza. And adam schiff tries to order a pizza. Hey, tonys pizza, what can i get you . Food please, right away. Whats your address . Why do you need that are you going to order something or what . How did you large cheese. Greg yes, all [laughter] [applause] greg much more after this. It gets even better. Now back to the greg gutfeld show. Have a great night. Greg this years big craze, mistaken outrage. People got worked up over some stories that at first sounded really bad, but then turned out not to be. So this year we begin with the first annual greg gutfeld outrage awards. Thats right. Dont we have i dont we have some live music. The band didnt show up. Anyway, the second runner up Jussie Smollett who claimed two guys put a rope around his neck while yelling this is maga country in chicago. In the middle of the night. In sub zero temperature. Yeah, that happened. For sure. First runner up Media Coverage over a kid wearing a maga hat that social media accused of taunting a native american man until another tape surfaced that showed that wasnt the case. He is suing everybody for millions. Not me, though, thank god. [applause] greg which leads us to the outrage of the year over a meme, a meme that trump tweeted out. Watch. Greg so congratulations, everyone, who took that seriously. That actually not is possible. He cant be president in the year 3000. That trump was joking, but 99 of the media cant tell that hes joking. Everything he says is literal. Everything he says is serious. And when they make fun of him, oh, they are joking. So we present to you the first annual greg gutfeld outrage awards, in which the screaming chicken is the actual award. [laughter] greg enough with the chicken. All right. Tyrus . A couple things, greg greg yes. This is obviously a sham, first of all, you completely botched the name of its Jussie Smollett, a french actor. Greg im sorry. Jussie. Its perfectly as a black man who has been in chicago, theres nothing more dangerous for an act of racism in sub zero freezing weather where i can guarantee you that you would see a black panther and a klansman huddling for dear life saying come summer it is on, hold me, it is cold tonight. Thats literally it is too cold. Greg too cold for racism. That whole thing, you know, that was the one time where a lot of times in the Africanamerican Community when we see something we get ready to get fired up and protest and march and literally not one person was like no, huhuh, it was literally the thinnest rope they could find because apparently buying rope to hang people isnt a big thing in chicago. Its difficult to get a good Old Fashioned rope. Greg oh man. He kept his sandwich the whole time. Greg yes, he kept his sandwich. If im beating somebody up in a hate crime, im definitely eating the sandwich in front of them. Greg it was good pr for subway. Kat, what story did you see as the most outrageous or most manufactured . I really loved the way the people criticized the meme that you shared about trump saying hes going to be the president for 88,000 years. Almost everyone like hes such an idiot. He doesnt even know about the 22nd amendment. Im like [laughter] even if that were true, im pretty sure he knows hes not going to be alive in 88,000 years. Greg yes, yes. [laughter] i mean, but they dont see these things, right . It was just like when actual reporters spent their workday finding out that him giving that medal to that dog wasnt real. They were like breaking, we have an exclusive scoop, like, its just they actually dont know when its so obvious. Before you tweet, maybe you need to go back to 3rd grade and learn about context clues, karen, like, come on. [laughter] greg it is so true. I think they dont have they cant see the sarcasm because they are clouded by so much emotion, jonathan, and also social media kind of makes these stories explode. Otherwise they would go nowhere because no media guy if there was no social media, he couldnt go and complain about the memes. It makes his memes so amazing is we know hes the one who is putting them out. It is not his social media team. Oh, thats my president , i know what hes thinking now. It might be strange, but i know what hes thinking. Thats awesome. Greg yeah. Secondly, taking off what kat said, you know, it is a great worry of so much of the media when they saw that meme like hes going to live till hes 3000 years old. It is like oh my gosh, hes going to be a king or a monarch. Thats what he wants to be. No king and no monarch lived to be 3,000 years old. It was just so weird that the democrats were even weighing in on whats going on in 88,000 years. Like it was going to end in 10 or 12. Greg all right, last word, tom . Well, i think the real story isnt that there were three fake stories. It is the tip of the iceberg situation where so many stories that are still on record as being true are fake. Greg exactly. And so by looking at these, and they say oh, well that one was disproven. No most stories that go viral from social media are not real. Greg right. It is fake. The outrage is fake. Then they stack on fake facts on top of fake outrage and thats what you get. Greg there are few people who know this, unfortunately, in your life, when you become the subject of a story, thats when you know it is fake, because you actually know all the truth; right . And when the story is being told and you are reading it and you are going that wasnt in the interview when that guy interviewed me and that didnt happen, and i was kidding when i said that, but they are claiming that im serious, and this person its when you find out youre and now were watching that in realtime with trump. When trump makes a joke, you see the media portraying it as fact. You are actually watching it happen. It is kind of mind blowing. Got to wrap. Not like rap, but ive got to wrap the segment. You young kids out there. Back in a bit. [cheers and applause] janine i used to be a little cranky. Dealing with our finances really haunted me. Thankfully, i got quickbooks, and a live bookkeepers helping customize it for our business. live bookkeeper youre all set up janine great vo get set up right with a live bookkeeper with intuit quickbooks. Greg is he a hero for playing opposite de niro . Before it came out, we were hearing about the irishman for months, the special effects that made de niro look really young. He came out of retirement for this. Months of hyping this film, not once anyone has mentioned the real reason to see the irishman. [inaudible] for the familys . I didnt know the families. I think we can be sorry even when we dont feel sorry. I am sorry, god. Forgive me. And thats a decision of the will. Greg thats part of the film. [applause] greg i didnt even notice the other guy in the film. Might i say you put morris in remorse. Can i say that . Thank you, tyrus, the worst joke i have ever made in the history of the world. Dont sell yourself short. [laughter] greg this is not about you guys. This is about the real star. No. Greg he was in a movie, Martin Scorsese film, how did you get the role . Someone contacted me. They didnt tell me who was doing the film, nothing. They sent me a script and i looked at it and i thought this is kind of dumb. Greg really . I said im not interested. Greg wow, look at you. They didnt tell me who honest to god, like Martin Scorsese, de niro, i had heard the name. I wasnt really into films. So eventually i said i will go and read the script, and i read it with casting agent. They said can you go and read the same script to bob and to marty tomorrow . I said, i mean, maybe give me their last names. Bob and marty, i had no idea who they were talking about. I went down to the standard hotel. They had eight professional actors and three real priests. At the time i was a catholic priest. I was totally embarrassed because i saw another priest that i knew. Im like what are we doing here . Wasting our time doing this movie thing. And when it came to my turn, i said to them, guys, listen, im not really interested in doing movies for movies sake. I would change the script considerably. I said if you want me to do this, this is how i would do it. Greg i love it. This guy lived a life of and all the rest. I have seen so many people at the end of their lives so remorseful for not having purpose or existential meaning [laughter] right . For all these years, and so we end up in a very similar situation. What am i going to do now about my past . Greg yeah. Thats what bob, Robert De Niro was that was his situation. Greg that was all you basically. You wrote that wasnt their script. That was you. No, we went back and forth. The next day i went into the trailer with de niro and scorsese. We worked through it again. Greg how were they, by the way . They were awesome. They were great with me, excellent. Did you get to meet adam sandler . No, who is that . [laughter] first of all, congratulations, man, but yeah, you can [applause] [laughter] look his last boss was god. I dont think hes afraid of martin. Do you know what im saying . It is marty, by the way. [laughter] but you went in there and you were the real priest of them all. I get upset when i go to auditions and get typecast. I always get typecast. You were typecast. When you originally read the script, did you think you were going to be a mob guy and when you read the priest part, and youre like i got out and they pulled me back in, like really . I i was hoping to be the guy who got beat up. You moved on and youre a priest again. It is like you tried to get away from it and you are back in it again. No, it was awesome because in the end, i think all of us recognize that there are mistakes in our lives that we have to go beyond. How do we go beyond it . Thats not easy. In the end, this guy who was so important for so many years in this tiny little world of the mob world realized he was all alone and dying. The only one who he could talk to was this chaplain in assisted living, and he was saying my family has totally abandoned me. What am i going to do . He was looking for existential meaning. I have a question. I have a question. You were a priest before you took the role. Youre not a priest now. Was it the acting bug that changed that got you out of the priesthood no, i was a priest during the filming. Nothing to do with the i made the decision i made it very public because i knew thats what i had to do. It was something i had thought about for a very very long time. I love all the years that i was in the priesthood and all of the many i actually visited mob guys in real prison. Greg yeah. Okay, so ive had so many experiences that i never thought i would ever have had. Im just a guy from the midwest. [inaudible]. Have you . [laughter] how did they let you father im very curious about that. [laughter] think about a title of say it again. Okay. Greg our favorite fake commercials right after some commercials right after some real when we started our business we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. I remember setting up shipstation. One or two clicks and everything was up and running. I was printing out labels and saving money. Shipstation saves us so much time. It makes it really easy and seamless. Pick an order, print everything you need, slap the label onto the box, and its ready to go. Our costs for shipping were cut in half. Just like that. Shipstation. The 1 choice of online sellers. Go to shipstation. Com tv and get 2 months free. Greg our first favorite video of the year came after british protesters made headlines this summer by throwing milk shakes at conservative politicians. We imagined what the next james bond movie might look like if he used the same tactics to defeat his enemies. Where are you . You cant get away with this. Oh, but i already have. By the time you track me down, it will be too late. [laughter] youre so predictable. All i have to do is push this button and the building will be levelled. Theres only one thing that can stop a mad man like you. Wait [laughter] [cheers and applause] two things, you could only do that in one take because you only had one jacket and you didnt even flinch. No, i took it, greg. I took one for the team there. I did throw my underclothes threw them away. Greg really . I wasnt going to bring those home. Greg you are lactose intolerant, arent [laughter] greg but you didnt flinch. Great directing by tom oconnor there. This next vid crow was an idea we video was an idea we had after seeing how boring joe bidens Campaign Events they are. It is a product to help the democrats energize themselves to the same level as the president. Fouryear College Degrees but those who compete for job training oh, man, this is so boring. Biden is putting everyone to sleep. Having trouble paying attention to uncle joe . Yes. I want to hear him out, but hes just so boring. Thats because he needs a trump fusion. Trump fusion . Whats that . It is the process by which the president s blood is injected into the body of a boring candidate. Interesting, does it work. It sure does, listen. I never attacked him on his looks and believe me theres plenty of subject matter there. You just injected trumps blood into joe biden. How is that possible . Is that even legal . Lets not get hung up on the details. Just enjoy. Weve got more money. Weve got more brains. Weve got better houses, apartments. Weve got nicer boats. Were smarter than they are. And they say the elite. Withre the elite. Were the elite thats amazing. What if im not running for president and i want to be interesting. Can i get a trump fusion . Sure can. Everyone can have some. I dont wear a toupee. It is my hair. I swear. [laughter] thanks trump fusion. This election season is going to be great. [cheers] greg great acting, great acting cast. Did a good job there. Also excellent theater performer. Amazing voice, kat, that you were able to capture. Greg exactly. Lets move on, shall we . This is awkward. Theres a certain democrat president ial candidate who is known for sometimes once invading ones personal space. It got us thinking maybe theres a way to stop that from happening. Profits for the First Quarter of 2019 have never been higher. Costs are down. Customer satisfaction is through the roof. And its all because of the people at this table. So proud of you. Do you know someone at work who often gets a little too touchy feely . It is not sexual but it is not exactly appropriate either. You are uncomfortable and thought about saying something. Now you dont have to. This is a highly advanced technology guarantees that even the friendliest of coworkers will struggle to make contact with your body. You never have to be uncomfortable ever again. If you act now, we will throw in another product totally free. [laughter] [cheers and applause] greg that was amazing. I had all those props at home. [laughter] greg all right, all right. Our final favorite video of the year is an ad for the president s southern border wall. We thought it could use a little bit of marketing. Hey there, are you looking for the hottest Border Security . Do you love long and beautiful slabs . Raw steel . Then you will love the all new [inaudible]. The southern border wall. And the Great Barrier reef. Call now because one way or another, these bricks are getting laid tonight. Greg that totally went over my head. But doesnt everything . Final thoughts next, of the year. [cheers and applause] i hope these arent final final thoughts. There was a huge change in my own life. In our country there is so much stuff going on could be assistantly, politically. Its a time to get some context and say whats most important in my life. Jobs can change and politics can change. And in the end what matters most has to do with love. Thats why an existential being has to be grounded in love. Greg do we have any time left . 5 seconds. Tyrus 2020 tyrus. Kat im out of thoughts. Edededd in times square . Eric i absently have and it is remarkable. Laura ill be there during the day see you tomorrow. Five people on board are dead. Theres a teenage boy and daughterinlaw of an lsu football coat. Good evening i am jon scott and this is the fox report. Jon the crash happened shortly after take off this morning in louisiana. The devastation couldve been far worse as a plane crashed into a post Office Parking lot near a walmart. Among the victims, 30yearold carly mccord, Sports Reporter for new york orlands television station and daughterinlaw of lsus offense of a coordinator. The group is on its way to atlanta to watch lsu take
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