A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. Die and so is everybody else. It starts when President Trump slices a tee shot. It strikes an asteroid that crashes into the moon. The statistic satellites can only broadcast the view 24 hours a day. Chris cuomo gets smarter. People are chasing each other in stores with alligators. Turtles start eating everything. U. N. Responds by making another movie about abba which sucks so bad that our blenders make the worst kind of virgin daiquiris. In dont believe what you see with your own ears. The final survivors on a last
stand elect adam levine. He tries to make peace by singing. Upon hearing this the earth implodes. Thus completing super duper doomsday. Greg thats the best ever. That was the best. All right. So the ugly truth, as the media and across deema deplore trump. If trump were disappear, what would they be doing . If you think these people are sick from trump anxiety. Just imagine their trump withdrawal. Talk about a doomsday. You cant go back after donald. He introduced something into politic we havent seen in a
acosta, i get the anger born from cynicism that they were oppressed and had their spines removed under obama and make it easier to bend over. Its clean, its clean. Its the contrast that bugs you and me. , but when you are winning you dontit need to scream. In fact i think thats piling on. Mymy suggestion, stop and do what x mom always said. Kill them with kindness. Or was it a machete. I could never tell with mom. It was either kindness or a machete with her. But lets stick with kindness. You have to Take The High Road and bee nicer. It will drive the media so nuts they will be so confused they will probably think its the end of the world again. Guest, that is not a truck backing up, we are just bleeping her filthy language. My cohost on the five an anchor of the daily briefing, dana perino. Perino. My cohost on the five dana perino. Besides the tv dinner, she is my favorite swanson. The original vampire slayer, actress christy swanson. All right. One of the best intros ever. Her keyboard only has one letter which is why she is always d pressing. Kat timpf. Thats too good. And his baseball cap gets altitude sickness. Former wwe superstar and my
massive sidekick tyrus. All right. Dana, i cant believe i say this, but try to keep it clean. We have some children in the audience. He was here for your monologue. Greg what do you make of the idea that this conflict between the media and the administration, who should Take The High Road. Shouldld we Take The High Road. Remember what jedediah said on the five. When i lecture people we have the luxury of a show. So we can talk about all the stuff we have an outlet for it. Greg people at the rallies dont. I think your advice is good, the tough love. I think not to get technical on
the polls. Hes bleeding women, the Approval Ratings are plummeting for him with women. Its not about the economy. Itsng not about russia. They dont care about russia. Its his temperament. Its just not helping. I think the reporters dont need to be in the room. They could be outside and you are just going to have one tv camera. Jim acosta doesnt need to be in the room and hes becoming part of the story and its w not necessary. Greg christy, so many good news in the economy. Is that whats driving the media nuts . They cant figure out what to say about him . They just want to put him down any chance they have. Theyeo just want to destroy him. Its terrible. Its bad. They need to stop. They are aging themselves. Greg they look like they are getting gray or white. They just look so angry and awful. They need to lighten up. Greg i noticed anderson coopers hair is totally white. And steltzer is bald. Its obviously having an effect. Kat, are you angry, nervous and perturbed . Im angry, nervous and perturbed. But its usually about other stuff. What if i get food later and i order one thing and i dont like the and i wish i got another thing. Or im walking down the street and someone sneezes on me. Or what if i hang out with somebody who seems to be healthy but they are harboring a cold
virus. There arenx a lot of things to worry about. I dont worry so much the amount of anxiety some people have about President Trump only one person should have that kind of anxiety about the president , and thats the president. You know . Be a n little he can be he can be a little nervous about making important decisions. But i get a little more nervous aboutng my food order than he does. Re he seems to be chill about being the president. Greg to him its another kind of big project. And when he talks about it like its a job, hell share the detail with the this job that no president ever would. The stuff he has to deal with, tyrus. Im glad you made it. You almost didnt make it tonight. Yeah, i made it. Greg he was circling for four
hours before this studio. Yeah, it was great. If i can piggyback on dana perino for a second shut up she has a great core base, she can do it. But her point is spoton. The acosta thing. Becausery of my background in wrestling and President Trump has a long historic history with wrestling. And acosta likes the chanting. He likes that stuff because you are right. Why is he not on the outside. Reporters used to do that. But you cant get those reactions and those ratings. So they can see him he stands up over the crowd so they can see him, they get going and do the wrestling chants, you suck and waste is. If he walked away to do his report it would be over. But hes doing it for the
greg i hope i would like it people looking like a mob doesnt a appeal to me in any shapee or form because im realy a good person at heart. No im not, im a terrible person. Coming up, Hillary Clinton teams up with steven spielberg. Up with steven spielberg. Is wisconsin failure . Am iat right . Oh, i have progressive, so i just bundled everything with my home insurance. Saved me a ton of money. Love you, gary you dont have to buzz in. Its not a question, gary. On march 1, 1810 [ ding ] frederic chopin. Collapsing in 226 [ ding ] the colossus of rhodes. [ sighs ] Louise Dustmann [ ding ] brahms lullaby, or wiegenlied. When will it end . [ ding ] not today, ron. When will it end . [ ding ] with my bladder leakage, the products ive tried just didnt fit right. They were very saggy. Its getting in the way of our camping trips. But with new sizes, depend fitflex is made for me. Introducing more sizes for better comfort. New depend fitflex underwear is guaranteed to be your best fit. If your adventure. Keeps turning into unexpected bathroom trips. You may have overactive bladder, or oab. Ohhhh. Enough already we need to see a doctor. Ask your doctor about myrbetriq® mirabegron . It treats oab symptoms of urgency, frequency, and leakage. Its the first and only Oab Treatment in its class. Myrbetriq may increase blood pressure. Tell your doctor right away if you have trouble emptying your bladder or have a weak urine stream. Myrbetriq may cause serious allergic reactions. Like swelling of the face, lips, throat or tongue, or trouble breathing. If experienced, stop taking and tell your doctor right away. Myrbetriq may interact with other medicines. Tell your doctor if you have liver or kidney problems. Common side effects include increased blood pressure, common cold or flu symptoms,. Sinus irritation, dry mouth, urinary tract infection, bladder inflammation,. Back or joint pain, constipation, dizziness, and headache. Need some help managing your oab symptoms along the way . Ask your doctor if myrbetriq is right for you, and visit myrbetriq. Com to learn more. Greg unemployment is so low even hillary found a new job. Were teaming up with steven spielberg, however that is to produce a documentary on the woman Suffrage Movement. The struggle they endured for the right to vote. One hundred years later than they could elect donald trump. [laughter] groups, i gave away the ending. [applause] hillary is producing television now which is a powerful gig. Tv is a very persuasive medium. The more stuff she produces, the more fun i can have with her. I wonder what her next project is going to be . Hillary clinton presents, i hate everyone on this planet, especially greg gutfeld. [laughter] greg i cannot wait for that. Cats, what you make of this . Does it upset you, it should. I just dont how you get a gig like that, being Hillary Clinton. She does not really strike me as being a creative person. I do not think she has ever finger painted, even as a child she was probably like no, i am not doing that. She was able to hire another kid to do the fingerpainting for her. That is just how i see it. She had to hire basically a team of writers for her twitter, to make jokes on twitter. If you cannot seep into your own tweets, how will you make your own movie . She is good at one thing,
sitting there and looking terrifying. [laughter] greg obviously, hollywood, does she deserve this opportunity . What you make of this . No. A producer . Like an Executive Producer . Greg you do not need a lot for that, do you . No. She is going to sit am a directors chair eating donuts and collecting a check. Greg bill is thinking, i will do the casting couch. [laughter] greg dana, serious points, if she is a real feminist should they do a documentary on Harvey Weinstein . Theyll be truly feminist but she cannot because she overlooked his behavior because
he was giving so much money to the party for her to get elected. Maybe the worst example of a feminist is her, maybe. You said it well. Greg thank you. I wonder if they will start off with the woman who started off the right to vote is from wyoming, which is where i am from. Typically conservative. I also dont think she will have to do anything. Just like barack obama or Michelle Obama will have to do anything from the millions they are getting from netflix. When James Patterson wrote his latest book, he added bill clinton to it. It was a collaboration. James patterson did not need bill clinton to help sell books. This is basically, it is like if you fail, then you get picked up by hollywood if you are a liberal. I am not bitter about that. Greg you should be. I am you have not failed. But when i fail, i have no
safety net. Maybe this is a weird thing i dreamt. Wasnt the Suffrage Movement created am part for prohibition . A woman would vote question work. It was Property Rights am a miami you do not have that high of a population. They wanted women to vote to increase their vote total. Greg tyrus, what are your thoughts on hillarys next move . We should be afraid. I am not messing with her. Leave her alone. [laughter] stop messing with her. There is that scary old lady on your block and one kid who always wants to go pick that and say dont do it. Dont to it. She is going to use this vehicle because she is going to do that. He is a name and has a big bandaid. He is about women to get her
reelection bid going this is a path to get her with her base. This movie is about womens right to vote because we need to stick together to stop the evil trump. It is going to come back to donald trump am a darth vader suits at the end of the movie. [laughter] i guarantee. Greg we should call it jaws seven. I am just envisioning hillarys house has seven or eight frisbees on the roof because nobody goes over to get it back. Everybody who grows up am the neighborhood knows who i am talking about. This is the lady, times ten. Like am the sandlot . He was the dog and was sweet. Even if they got hurt she would be crawling after you like terminator. Greg coming up, do Trigger Warnings do more harm than good . Warnings do more harm than good . However so you just walk around telling people geico could help them save money on Car Insurance . Yea,that and homeowners, renters, motorcycle and boat insurance. Huh. Thats nice. What happens when you catch a fish . Gecko whoa. Geico. More than just Car Insurance. See how much you could save at geico. Com. Im ok
load on two drones but exploded before reaching the president. One expert said maduro will use this incident for further purges of disloyal officials and further clampdowns on civil liberties. Police in portland, oregon used blash bangs to try to break up a protest. A reporter for the newspaper was injured. No other injuries were reported. D campaign officials. Now back to the greg gutfeld show. Greg now, a story about Trigger Warnings which calls for a trigger warning. Old people get the reference. [laughter] a new study from harvard, a school finds that Trigger Warnings may do more harm than good. We have seen these from books depicting violence. One group got a trigger warning, one didnt. What they found is that Trigger Warnings increase peoples emotional vulnerability to trauma. If youre someone who believes words can hurt you, a trigger warning makes it worse. That is crazy. Somebody who may have been able to handle something shocking would be less able to handle it because of the warning. Trigger warnings are causing pain not preventing it. This is nuts. Ive come up with a great new product. One that counters Trigger Warnings with a blunt world advice from someone you know well. Sometimes i want direction and advice from a favorite strategists. Why canno why cant i have both . Now you can. The world first geo locator to come with the dose of nononsense advice. Your destination am one hour there are no shortcuts am life. If you believe otherwise you are a protein washed. I pity you and your said to cry of children. Turn right at the next intersection. Nice. The position is an system is also always there. This traffic is tol terrible. Theres a tollbooth ahead so i hope you have the money after the taxes. Its a shame, you meet and mates and all they do is take and take. They would rather expend to government than your well. Also, there is a passing lane had. Thank you. Plus it will keep you out of dangerous areas on road trips. Where are we . Am 500 feet turn right. The only way am which to fight Political Correctness and ideological prejudice is to turn right. Then turn left to avoid traffic. Here we come. You can download this right ear smart phone. This should be easy for you, your filthy communist. Then i can see so get a haircut. Get the Positioning System today. Youll never get lost or disappoint your parents again. That was supposed to be on the show tonight. He could have used a gps. But he did not make it, so hes not there. But we have you. A constellation price, i know
but i can do the accent. Greg am the world world, you will get a trigger warning. I did not have a trigger warning about the alligator going into the convenience store. Had i known they would be terrorizing people i may have prepared myself and not embarrassed the network by saying a bad word on live television. Greg on the five, dana said something awful on the show which embarrassed her cohost. If i had known the alligator was going to do that, i might not have cause the problem. Trigger warnings are like spoilers, isnt it better to find out things. Ill be real honest, my definition of Trigger Warnings is a lot different than yours. I do a lot of prepping for the show. This means im going to my car so, you mean like a preemptive verbal cue that something offensive is about to come. Greg apparently students feel that way okay. Thats exactly what it is. And you can choose to leave. If you hear the just music. If im reading a book, once upon a time no thank you, i got it. Greg if you do well on certain matters, it makes it worse. It is like if you told the kid a dr. Comes am and said were going to give you a flu shot just to let you know, its a giant needle. It is going to pierce your skin. When my dr. Does certain exams he talks to me while he was doing it so im not paying attention. And then i say what just happened. Its so much better. Greg you are shocked by his finger. A sneak attack. Greg are you saying that wasnt a question . It was not a question at all. Greg it was a statement wrapped am a question. What are your thoughts am general . I think it is ridiculous to warn people. I learned something new today and i love Trigger Warnings. Can i get a trigger warning when you go on a date . Instead of stocking will kat, last word. I think it makes perfect sense, just like the shopping or anything else. If were saying this might emotionally traumatize you how is that supposed to calm you down . That would be if i came to you before every show is a dont screw it up. I do not think that will make you have a better show. Greg it wouldnt, but yet you still do it. I kind of do. [laughter] greg a lot of people do that at box. They really do. Greg still to come, new Government Program that punishes you for your social behavior. Is it awesome or scary, or both . There are multiples on the table one is cash, three are fha, one is va. So what can you do . Shes saying a whole lotta people want to buy this house. But you got this Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans makes the complex simple. Understand the details and get approved in as few as eight minutes. By americas largest mortgage lender. If you misbehave. China, the country, not the Fine Dinnerware has rolled out a social Credit System despite on the behavior of its massive population. The reason is from a Government Document Keeping Trust is glorious and breaking trust is disgraceful. Lou dobbs once said the same to me am a sauna. I never forgot it. [laughter] now, with social Credit Scores except it is way worse. Things like bad driving, smoking and a nonsmoking area or posting fake news online can affect your social score. People with low scores can be prevented from traveling. You can miss out of school, jobs, or the ambrosia salad recipe. Its amazing. The system is optional but they plan to make scores mandatory am public by 2020. Am the words of dana perino holy that is pretty scary. [laughter] obviously. Im going to go to first of dana calm down a bit. [laughter] i kind of like this idea. You like this idea . Can you imagine if they put your internet history up, you would really want that and the naked party stuff you look at . This is a horrible idea for men. Greg those are bodysuits. My brothers am china land, dan. Everything you do. I can only speak for men, straight men. [laughter] we are kind of decrepit, naughty little dudes and we look at
things we shouldnt because we are curious about the world so, i would really not want to be walking my son to school i would not be able to take my daughter to school ever. His credit score 600 but his personality score is a two. And his adult contents of negative 75. You have a Credit Rating and a pervert trading. Im curious,. Greg dana, you love this topic. Why do you love it . I think it is the most evil way to try to control people the system is meant to depress creativity and freedom. I want to give you an example. They have a system where lets say you jaywalk. Its easier to get across the
street and you take your life am your own hands. They would take pictures of everyone. They mash it to your credit score they would say dana perino jaywalk today and being am debt am china is an embarrassing thing. They try to control your entire life. They are making a huge mistake. I think they changed am a terrible way. How do you feel about a . I feel the same way dana does. It is a big eyeopener. To be appreciative and the freedoms that we have. [applause] not so fast. I want more of that, i kinda love it. One of the things we could get penalized for is buying too many video games. Have any viewed dated the dude that plays a lot of video games . Its like you dont exist. Its like, sorry am not a dragon. They should have lots of other things to like posting minute by minute updates about your pregnancy on social media or saying something after asking you a question. Were you born am a barn . What is wrong with you. Is someone out there is sharing chapstick im fine with that. By the way, were doing this to ourselves. We are policing our own behavior on twitter. We are banishing them and thats just as bad. We are actually a big brother. I am with you. Social credit, hogging gym machines. You hate people that hog gym machines . Greg yes. Why . Greg i just want to use the gym machine. Im going to go with dana on this one. [laughter] greg go ahead and clap. I am not listening to your clapping. Still to come, people are Motorcycle Revving Motorcycle Revving Motorcycle Revving Motorcycle Revving no matter who rides point,
there are over 10,000 allstate agents riding sweep. And just like tyrone taylor, they know what it takes to help keep you protected. Are you in good hands . 1100 less. His Insurance Company told him that. Turns out the insurance process of men under 25 are at higher risk of collision than women of the same age. David said he is not physically changing his gender, just only on paper which was as easy as getting a dr. Snow. Is he exposing the sexist practice or committing fraud . Either way, he is my hero. We know who the worst driver is. Right mr. Whiskers . Local greg he has a perfect driving record. So thank you. Your clapping over that . Your star for humor. This guy is an American Hero even though he where men are men and moose are nervous. I love the canadians. Let me make that clear what is
this about . Is it jim carrey who did it . Justin bieber . I have no idea. I think it is very clever. It proves that men and women are biologically different when it comes to money would feminists prefer they pay the same amount as men. We want the Social Credit for being who we are. The interesting thing, Isnt It Canada who is changing their Birth Certificate Going Forward . You do not have to declare a gender. I do not know what allstate and geico are going to do. It is opening a can of worms. Heres the thing, i guess for the people who are psychologically challenged for not knowing who they are being
trapped, this could be disheartening. But its still the point. This is the problem when we change the rules so everybody is happy. Then nobody is happy. There are 24 technical genders now what i am saying is they will get upset. The guy changes to save money. But inside he felt like a cheap woman. He did not want to pay the bill you cannot argue that. Should woman do the reverse like if you identify as a man there is no line at the mens bathroom. I just dont understand this personally. I should not be getting cheaper Car Insurance than anyone, or Car Insurance at all. When i used to drive, i got am so many accidents, i hit other
cars and things that were not cars that were not moving. I blew out a tire because i had was and that is something that would only happen to a woman, the gorka gps that went about 5 inches thats the first time i will driven about six years. So sure i totally deserve cheaper Car Insurance. This is fair. I think we learned a lot. My father passed this truck down to me, thats the same thing i want to do with you. Its an emotional thing to watch your child grow up and especially get behind the wheel. I want to keep you know, stacking up the memories and the miles and the years. Hes gonna get mine but im gonna get a new one oh yeah hes gonna get mine but im gonna get a new one when its time for your old chevy truck to become their new chevy truck, theres truck month. Get 10 or 14 percent below msrp on 2018 Silverado Pickups when you finance with gm financial. Plus, during truck month make no Monthly Payments for 90 days. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Omar, check this out. Uh, yeah, i was calling to see if you do laser hair removal. For men. Notice that my hips are off the ground. [ Engine Revving ] and then, im Gonna Pike My hips back into downward dog. [ rhythmic tapping ] hey, the rain stopped. A bad day on the road still beats a good one off it. Tell me about that dental procedure again
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