Transcripts For CSPAN2 After Words Cynt Marshall Youve Been Chosen 20221029

Thanks for joining us. My first question is what made you decide to tell your story . Well, i have been asked for about ten years to tell my cancer story and every time i give a speech or something, people said, oh, you need to write a book. And i said, i only want to talk about my cancer stuff because people have been asking for my cancer journal ever since i had chemotherapy. When i got diagnosed with colon cancer. So one of my assistants finally said, we need to really turn this into a book. And one thing led to another. And i wrote it so that i can hopefully inspire people and give them hope. And then the publishers wanted to go beyond just my cancer story so we could inspire an even broader audience. So i finally decided this was the time to do it because cancer is so prevalent and so many things are going on in the world and i just decided i want to be a part of the solution to give people hope and faith that they can make it through the hard times. And a lot of people are going through hard times. You know, one thing that stands out to me, though, from reading the book is that cancer is the only thing that youve had to overcome. I mean, you dont hold back on the many challenges you faced in your life. Why did you decide to share so many intimate details about your upbringing and even your personal struggles away from work . Okay, so i did not want to do that. As i said, i started out just i started out just wanting to take my cancer journal and publish it so that if somebody is going through cancer, they know i have a loved one thats going through cancer. They can say, okay, this is what happened to her in round six. This is what happened, blah, blah. Well, as im telling the publishers my story, they said theres no way you can actually that you could have gotten through cancer the way you got through it with optimism, with the faith that you had. If there if there wasnt a back story. So they spent time just talking to me and asked me about my life and getting the back story because they figured i had been chosen prior to just being chosen for cancer, that i had been chosen for other things, other adversity in my life. And they thought that that contributed to how i was able to get through cancer. And so when they sent it back to me and all of these stories were in there at first i didnt want to do it. But you know what . I give a lot of speeches and i tell these stories because i am just truly on a mission. Honestly, i believe the lord has chosen me to inspire people to tell the stories. I believe that i have been through a lot of test and you cant have a testimony without the test. And so in order for me to testify to somebody and to tell them to be encouraged and to tell them the lord is going to bring them through it, whatever that looks like, i need to share some of my story in order to have credibility. And so i have theres no shame at all. I will tell the intimate details because i do believe, as my mother said when i got cancer, its all for his glory. Speaking of your mother, tell me about carolyn gardiner. I mean, you describe her as a saint, an angel and a prayer warrior. And if i were to meet her for the first time, what would my impression be be of her and you would love carolyn gardiner. So she is absolutely amazing. She is a strong woman of faith. So every thing she does, her words, her actions, theyre all rooted in scripture. She is all about service, believe it or not, because im kind of loud now and i kind of i write that guide. But she is a soft spoken woman until that voice of power comes out. And so, you know, when the lord that anointing starts rising up because shes all about service, she is all about helping people and on a true mission to make the world better. She loves her children, her grandchildren and her family. Actually, her community. I got my Community Service spirit from my mother and she is a woman of optimism. She she taught us a long time ago that with god, all things are possible. And so she is shes all about the bible. Shes all about jesus. And how much do you credit your success to just having a mother like that and just with her character in her heart . Oh, my goodness. All of it. All of it. I am truly my mothers daughter. Im not. Im not nearly the wonderful saintly woman that she is. Not by not by any means. I mean, i have an alter ego named janelle. My mother probably does not have an alter ego, but she gave. But she gave me a foundation in scripture. She gave me a foundation of optimism and definitely a foundation of faith and not only did she give me that, i watched her. I watched her go through a lot to raise her children. I saw her go through domestic violence. I saw her working two and three jobs. So i know what hard work looks like. So she modeled for me. She modeled for me. What it is to be a strong woman of grace and grit. Yeah. You know, on the flip side, obviously, there was your father, a man who the dark side you shared on numerous occasions in the book. But what was it like growing up at home, having that kind of say . And then, you know, the opposite of that. And in what ways did you sort of balance having that sort of parental situation . Well, i actually think my mother and her faith had the stronger presence in my life because i actually would describe my childhood as a good childhood. I went to good schools and that was just because of our Public Education system and the fact that zip code didnt matter. So i got a good education. I was involved in activities my mother had a Strong Influence on me. My dad actually was very strong on education as well. I mean, they left birmingham, alabama, when i was three months old because they didnt want their kids to grow up in the jim crow segregated south and thought wed have a real shot at a better life, not being segregated. And so both of my parents stressed the education, but my mother was all about just really pouring into us. And so i think she had a stronger presence. He obviously had had his own issues, his own struggles and, you know, was abusive and and what i would describe as a as a mean man, there were also qualities that i think around education that helped with my foundation as well. Yeah. Now, now you mentioned, you know, growing up in the east hill. Yes. Yes. Richmond, california. Not for at all. For. How would you describe that community in what was it like growing up there . And just how did it shape who you became . Richmond is a its a loving community. It always has been. The easter hill Public Housing projects where i grew up had all the elements of a Family Community and then all other elements around poverty. So the things you would associate with poverty, they were happening in our neighborhood. But my mother always taught us, its not where you live, its how you live. I mean, those words ring in my mind every day that she taught us our zip code didnt matter. And sometimes wed have to walk through things in our neighborhood and keep our head down and just have our little backpacks on getting back to the house. But there were some there were some great people right there in the projects with us trying to make it and trying to get out. So i describe it as a loving place with all the elements of poverty that you would associate with it. Yeah, a lot of times when you know peoples life goes sideways, they use the excuse of their product, of their environment that, you know, they didnt see hope. And so all these negative images are just they influenced them and what they became. What did you see there in terms of, you know, your imagination or in real life that made you believe that you could become what you eventually did . Well, i was very fortunate. Again, i had parents focus on education. I had teachers who poured into me. I distinctly remember my sixth grade teacher. I actually skipped the fifth grade, actually. I guess i was in the fifth grade for a couple of days. And so Patricia Rosa was my sixth grade teacher. And so she had something every month where she would name student of the month. And so i often, you know, was the student of the month. And i remember one time in particular, she took me and our group in richmond. So across the bay to San Francisco and she took me to San Francisco for a day, you know, student of the month, saturday and took me to zimmer hamburgers. I never had a big medium rare hamburger and she took me to see my fair lady at this big, big theater with all these big curtains and, you know, dress. It was beautiful. I had never seen anything like it. And then going across the bridge. And so she exposed me to some things. And thats just one example of teachers and Community People that exposed me to things that normally i probably would not have otherwise been exposed to. And through those experiences, through running track and being able to go and visit other places and going to different towns, i was able to see things that not everybody was able to see and i dont think that was too uncommon at the time in my neighborhood. The sense of community was tremendous and people would just come alongside my folks and do big things for us, which was awesome. So i was able to see some things that i normally wouldnt have seen. Yeah, i mean, there are a lot of gripping stories that you that you share in this book and a lot of early on, you know, a lot of them, you know, centered around just your father and one about the time where you first saw a gun pointed at you and saved you. The next time when he actually pointed a gun at you, how did you just grapple with just his complexity in the fact that at one moment he was there to save you and the next moment he was endangering you like, how did you deal with having someone who was seem to have so much going on in that regard . Yeah, i think it goes back to my mom and her desire and her actions actually that supported her desires to create as much of a stable environment as she could for her children. And i know to this day there are some things that she kept away from us, even though there are some things obviously that happened to us and that we saw. And so we were taught, you know, we were taught not to disrespect our father or, you know, dishonor him in any way. But we were also taught that there were some things that really we didnt have to deal with. So when my mom got a divorce when i was 15 years old, that was definitely a message that some of the things that we had seen werent acceptable. And she wasnt going to she wasnt going to tolerate it anymore. I mean, he was my father and, you know, people go through all kinds of things in their life. I mean, bad things do happen to good people. And we had some bad incidents that occurred in our lives. But i think going to church, being involved in activities, having my mother there as an anchor, i truly tip the scales in the opposite direction for all of us. And kept us on a positive path to to to do some good things for me and all of my siblings. Now, obviously, you have a lot of firsts. You were the first black mandatory high school. You went to first black cheerleaders at uc berkeley, and now youre the first black woman ceo and mba. When you started scratching off a lot of these firsts, what will you look back at . What youve been able to accomplish . What stands out . Okay, so first of all, i you know, most of the times when you first you dont know your first because as you just either try out or like when i tried out to be a cheerleader, i didnt know that i was one of the first. I assumed that i mean, people told me i was the first, but i think there was probably another one or two before me. And i keep researching it, but you dont know that there are few people or no people that that have done this that look like you before. And the only time i ever set out to be the first was when i was senior class president because i was at my sisters graduation, High School Graduation as a freshman. And i saw these two white guys on stage and asked my mom if a black girl could be on that stage. And so that i got one of my buddies to run for student body president when we were juniors. And so two black girls ended up on that stage four years ago. So that was the only time i set up to do it. But every time after that it happened when i became the first black female ceo in the nba. I dont think mark cuban was trying to make history. I mean, he was really just trying to make a difference for his team. And so i didnt even know i was first until a reporter actually at told me that. And it was actually kind of sad because in these days and times you shouldnt be first. Maybe back when i was growing up, but but not now. And so what i try to do with it is just use it as encouragement to make sure that im not the last, to make sure that i am working on the pipeline of the first, the second, the third, the fourth. And to make sure that i do a really, really good job so that my colleagues and other people in leadership can be, you know, will be okay with picking somebody that looks like me because they are very well aware that we can do the job as women, as black people, as black women, people of color, that all of us, white people we can all accomplish great things and we can all be strong leaders and placed in powerful positions. So i take it as a real challenge to myself to make sure that im not last, that im first, but not the last. Yeah. And i feel with sports a lot and you know, of, you know, every level ive covered nba for a long time, but i remember having a conversation with dusty baker, who managed the Houston Astros once and we were talking about just being a manager and being a leader. And he said one of the issues that he faced, you know, as a black manager in Major League Baseball was that a number of his players had never dealt with a black authority figure, never dealt with a black person in a position, a leadership position. And so it was unusual for them to take orders from him. And i can only imagine what that was like, you know, as a black person, but also as a woman. And when you were in control and what was that like, just sort of dealing with, you know, as you rose up, you know, in your profession, especially at at t, you know, where there were maybe people who looked at you and just like, why is she telling me what to do . That is that is so true. And first of all, im glad you mentioned dusty baker. I know him. I have so much respect for him. I actually saw him a couple of months ago. I got a chance to throw out the first pitch at a Texas Rangers game, and we were playing against his team. And so my daughter and i got a chance to go and visit with him and just talk San Francisco bay area talk. So it was great. I have so much respect for him. He i mean, hes blazed so many, so many trails and youre actually youre absolutely right there are still to this day in 2022 people who have never worked for a woman or never reported to a person of color, let alone a black woman. And and sometimes i can sense it. I know when its when its going on. And in fact, thats one of the things i ask in interviews of my Leadership Team members. When im interviewing for a job, i ask people if they have experience working in diverse cultures, if they have supervised and led diverse people, if they have actually been managed and supervised by diverse people, because sometimes that is different for people. And i like to address it head on because, you know, were here, were here, we are qualified, were in powerful positions. And yes, you have some people who just refuse to do it. You have some people who think like when mark cuban brought me in that it was some pr stunt and i wouldnt last 90 days because i was a woman and quote unquote, i didnt know basketball and all that. So its very, very real. But as long as you know that youre put in that position for a reason and that youre hired for a reason and that you do bring something to the party. And like the book said, youve been chosen to be there. Itll be all right, but you have to address it head on. It is very, very real. Sometimes surprising, sometimes surprising. But. But, but israel. Yeah, i know that sounds. People are suspicious of your eyes. And i know you mentioned that youre treated as if youre untrustworthy or dishonest. Do you have any specific examples of when you encounter that and how did you overcome that and still push through and just say, you know what, im not going to allow them to define me . Right. You know, several times. And i know i know women and and people of color who have experiences. Ive experienced it where there is a double standard where sometimes, you know, you get more audits than anybody else or you are told, oh, this is not acceptable, but you know it is. And you know, the rules allow it. And, you know, somebody told you that it was okay, but then all of a sudden for you, its an issue or somebody files a complaint that, you know, you just know as crazy, but it has to be looked into. But then all of a sudden, youre youre not being talked to. And the process isnt being followed. So there are times where the rules just seem to apply differently to to people who look like me. And its very real. And you have to just you work your way through it. And i often say, you know, you just have to be, you know, above the law. You know, people will come looking and you just have to make sure they dont find anything when they come looking. And not everybody has to live like that in the workplace on a daily basis. But some of us do. And its okay as long as were operating by a set of values and by a code of conduct. You cant stop the people from looking. You cant pray away the double standard. It just exists. And so you make sure you perform, you deliver the results and you give them no ammunition when they come looking next. Youve obviously had a ton of success and youve said it highlights a lot of black people, women, especially black women, have reached. But you also, frank, that it came at a cost. Looking back on your career and just what youve done, what did you gain from your ambition and your hopes and what, if anything, was lost in that pursuit . You know, its interesting. You use the word ambition, because i actually wouldnt i wouldnt describe myself as ambitious and not that its a bad word. I dont think its a bad word at all. I dont think its a bad word. I just dont think it describes me. I turned down at least four for promotions in my 36 year career at at t because i had two questions i always asked when i got a job and i had 15 different jobs at at t, 13,088 days and those days i always ask the lord, lord, what is it that you want me to do in this job . Because i believe i was always chosen for a job for a different reason. There was something particular that i brought to the table and that i need to accomplish. And then i would always ask the lord, who is it that you want me to touch . So i always felt i mean, from the time i started working in a professional space at 21 years old, i always felt i was on some kind of a marketplace mission, if you will. And so i, i responded to what the lord put in front of me and the jobs that i had. I dont think i rose at a cost. In fact, often when i got promoted, i wasnt expecting it. In fact, i never pursued a promotion in my career. But the lord continued to elevate me because he had more people that he wanted me to touch and things that he wanted me to do. And so if you ask me what costs, what did it cost me, i dont think it cost me anything. I did have foresight for a second trimester miscarriages that had nothing to do with work. My body had some kind of physical condition and they never quite figured out what it was. I think they got close. Then i had a daughter who was born prematurely, who died a six and a half months old that had nothing to do with work and being promoted. I had a husband with brain damage and they said hed never walk and talk again and we prayed him back to good health. In fact, i took off work to go to a church convention, so that had nothing to do with work. So i dont think i think my adversity at work had to do with work and dealing with some issues there. But i had a great career as well. So things i went through, a lot of people go through them and so those are the bad days in my career. Are they pale in comparison to the good days . So i dont think i dont think im pentecostal. I dont think i paid a price at all for climbing. In fact, i think i was blessed in a lot of people were blessed because i was able to rise and help change the shade of who was in the room, help people appreciate what women bring to the table, help people are appreciate that we all should be respected, that every Voice Matters and everybody belongs, which is our workplace promise. At the mavs. So i think just the opposite. I think my, my promotions and my rise, if you will, didnt come at a cost or price at all. The only thing that truly came at a price or a cost in my life is salvation. And jesus dying on the cross. Mm yeah. I mean you just mentioned it and i was going to get you later, but since you brought it up, i wanted to talk about just the fact that, you know, it was really heartbreaking when you explain your journey that you and your husband, kenny, took towards becoming parents and i know a lot of families can relate to those challenges, but most got to deal with that agony and private, what do you hope people who read this book can gain from your openness about your struggles . And just also just the sadness that came because i know that knowing how, you know, you sort of a goal setter and you can, you know, if you want it, you go after you get it. And im sure that was probably one of the more difficult things is just not know that you werent in control in that situation. Michael, you are so right. The pain of losing my daughter is like a pain ive ive never felt before or since. And also the pain of losing control. And youre right, up until the end, you know, i had a plan. I was going to graduate from college, start working, have a family, and to i get married two years after college and then start a family after that. So everything was going to plan until i start having all of these second trimester miscarriage. And the lord let me know that he has a plan. So it was very painful and what i hope comes out of telling this story actually i experienced it yesterday, was someone telling me about their miscarriage is and how reading my book has given them hope that they will have a family one day and maybe the lord has a different way to make that family. But they have hope. They also got inspiration from me sharing my pain because theyre going through pain and they felt like they had permission to go through it and that it was actually normal from reading my story and reading about me being laid out on my staircase for two whole days, why, while my husband was visiting his folks . Because i literally couldnt get up the stairs big after we had the funeral. And i just had to let it all out. And he found me in the same position when he got home. But what he did was he reached his hand down to pull me up and thats what i want people to also see in that book that you might be the one lay it out on that staircase and trust and believe that somebody is going to come and pull you up or you might be the one that sees somebody laying down there and you have to extend that hand. And so thats what the book is all about. Weve been chosen. Weve been chosen to go through the adversity that we go through. Weve been chosen to be there for other people. And the lord truly has a plan. And so we have to trust that plan and know that were chosen to kind of live out what he wants us to live out the way he wants us to live it out. And yes, sometimes it is very painful. I often say sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. It is truly a train. Okay, bad things do happen to good people, but we have to to trust what it says in jeremiah 2911 that there is a plan for our lives, and that plan is to give us hope and a future to prosper and not harm us. And i believe that in my soul. Im i know i got that from my from my mom. And so thats why i share these stories, because i want somebody to know that, yes. If you had miscarriages. Yes, you can keep trying. Its okay. I kept trying for ten years. I said, i am doing this. I am going to have this baby and i actually said something very stupid to somebody one day when they talked about adoption. And just honestly, its so stupid. I shouldnt even repeat it, but i told this colleague of mine, i said, theres no way you can. Laughs kids, if somebody else had like theyre your own kids. And so then when we sent out the postcard, when we adopted our first son and we sit at the postcard and say, anthony adopted us, and we were all smiling and so happy. That same colleague called me a year later and he said, okay, tell me about all that nonsense you were talking. I said, boy, shut up because it was so ridiculous. But i didnt know that. And thats why i share this story. Im hoping i can save somebody ten years worth of pain and have them really get in touch with the planet. The lord has for our lives. I so many times of my life. Michael, i heard i heard the plan. I knew that Something Else was supposed to be going on. And i just kept saying, i got to do it my way. I have a plan. And then at some point you have to you have to yield. You have to yield to the fact that youve been chosen and youve been chosen for a certain path and youve been chosen to also serve, you know, also show up for other people and so finally, i have yielded. And so im hoping i can give people faith and optimism and the permission to go ahead and yield. Yeah, they obviously went on to adopt for children. My babies, that wasnt my baby. Oh, in what ways . Um, motherhood enhanced your life. Oh, lord, that is, like, the most. Thats the best part of my life. Okay . That is the best part of my life. It was worth the ten years of struggle. So i love, love, love the fact that i have to. I dont have a choice. I have to show up for these people. I have to show up for my babies. They are relying on me. The lord gave me these kids, and for as long as im on this earth, i am blessed and i have the pleasure to be able to go through life with them. There is just no better feeling that motherhood they love me as a mother. You know, my my family gave me a crown years ago and a bell. They gave me a bell that i ring on mothers day. I start ringing it at midnight and i ring in until 1159. And so they can just serve the queen of the castle. I love being the queen of the castle. Those are my babies. I love them. Theres just no better feeling. Oh, yeah. Well, one thing you mentioned in your book, too, is that, you know, there was a point where, you know, your dad was out of your life and you shut him out and stop communicating with him. And it seemed that you were done with him, but there was something that he left for you that you didnt you werent aware of coming. And it came in the form of what took his life eventually, which was colon cancer. And then obviously, you wound up with stage three colon cancer and thats the central focus of the book. But just what was it like the day that you found out that you were going to be in a fight where you had a 25 chance of making it . Well, you know, its interesting, because when i had you know, i had symptoms, but i didnt recognize them as symptoms of colon cancer. And then when i ended up getting a colonoscopy, it wasnt because, as i thought that something was wrong, it was because i was in this corporate athlete class at work. Thank goodness for a Great Program and they said, pick one thing youre going to do to either enhance your physical, mental or spiritual health. And so i was off the charts great on the mental off the charts, great on the spiritual, had already started eating a little better around physical. But i remember i had a slip on my a referral slip from my doctor on my nightstand to go and get a colonoscopy and i have to be honest, i had never plan on doing anything with that referral slip, but when i kept thinking about, okay, what can i do around physical and it came to me, i said, okay, fine, ill get a colonoscopy. And it still was until the end of that year. I had an accountability buddy. My good friend frank jewells new york guy, who used to call me every day saying, you got that thing done, you got that thing done. And so finally, my last day, a 50. So technically, i guess in compliance to get a colonoscopy a 50 and some people need to get it much earlier. But my last day 50 i got a colonoscopy and on my 51st birthday is when i got a call from the doctor saying, you need to get to a surgeon. And so when i finally got the news, i had the surgery and i got the news the day before new years eve that i had stays recalled in cancer, one lymph node away from stage four, and would need to immediately have chemotherapy and all that. I was in shock and i called my mom and i was crying. I just you know, theres nothing like it. And i can still hear those words today when i answered the phone, the doctor told me who he was. He apologized for calling me back so late and it was over the holidays. And he said, i hope youre sitting down. I have news. Its bad and its significant. You have surgery, colon cancer. And when he started telling me it was the first time in my life i had what i think was an outofbody experience, because i just actually at some point thought he was talking to somebody else. There was no way somebody was telling me i had cancer. And it actually wasnt until a month or so later when i was talking to my oncology is getting ready for chemo and he had asked me a few times about my family history. And so then and i just said, you know, cancer doesnt run in my family. And then just for some reason, one day i was sitting in his office and he said, okay, tell me about your mom and dad. And we were talking and i saw my dad passed last year. Well, 2009. And he says, oh, what did he die from . And i just rose. I said, wow, colon cancer. So youre right. I dont want to have anything to do with him at that point in my life, but he definitely left something for me and we were definitely attached. And they did all the genetic studies and all that. And so genetics plays a part in it. I it, i mean, theres so many things that can lead to colon cancer, but the big thing is to have a colonoscopy. And so thats what im hoping will also come out of this book that more people will just stop, assess their health and go and have a colonoscopy, even if theyre not 50, because the ages are getting younger and younger in terms of people getting colon cancer. But just stop and evaluate your health and do what you need to do, especially when it comes to getting a colonoscopy. Colon cancer is so preventable. So thats part of also why i tell this story is to help somebody go and get that colonoscopy. And if they have polyps, get them out and get on with their lives without chemo. Well, im actually headed to a colonoscopy pretty soon myself. Reading this made it clear i definitely should have to do it. You have to do it. Well, one thing you mention in the book and you have a lot of inspirational quotes, but you say you never ask why it is what will i do with what ive been given and how did you get that that perspective, and how did that perspective help you manage with that fight with with chemo and then through with cancer . Oh, i love that question. I think it came that attitude and that mindset has from a few Different Things. Number one, watching my mother go through a lot in life and never question why, but always believe that the lord was going to take care of us. And there was always Something Better on the other side. So i didnt grow up around someone who questioned why i grew up and i was raised by a woman who always said the lord had a plan and it would be better. So thats just how i grew up. And then when i look over my life and i think about Different Things that have happened, i always got up every time i was either knocked down or fell down on my own because, you know, sometimes you fall down on your own, you make bad decisions and you know, i make mistakes. But theres always somebody to get me up. And then theres always a learning that comes from it. And so eventually youll understand the why. Sometimes you wont, but sometimes youll get a learning out of it and you go, okay. And thats something thats going to help you for the next leg of the journey. I have learned that some of this stuff is a setup, some of the things i went to went through leading up to cancer was a setup to help me actually get to the point where i could survive cancer. Some of the things that happened in my life just around job moves and creating communities and relationships, all that led up, all that led up to me being able to make it through it. So i had and then of course im rooted in the bible. I try my best, you know, lord knows im not a saint by any means. Trust me. But i try to internalize the word of god and to know that all things Work Together for good to them that love him and are called according to his purpose. So i believe everything is for his good and i just have to get through it. Trust him, rely on community, rely on people, rely on my faith. And then sometimes ill understand why and sometimes i wont. But no reason to ask it. Yeah. Your faith obviously comes through in book and just even this conversation and just the fact that you drop in romans 828 in the conversation, it took me back to like when i first started my career, i had some challenges early on, one of my mentors gave me a little card to put in my wallet, and it was a smiley face on one, and it was romans 828 on the other. And it helped me deal with some hard times. And i was just out and i do wonder, though, as anybody who, you know, is a spiritual you understand, theres always a time, at least or maybe there isnt. But for some, theres a moment where you find yourself doubting god or doubting if hes there, if hes real. And i to know if that ever happened to you, and if so, what brought you back to believing . Yes, thats exactly how i was when after we buried our six month old daughter and i got back home and i was headed and my husband had just decided, you know, we had had six months in the hospital. Then we buried her. It was just too much. She wanted to go and see his parents for the i did not want to go with him. I just want to go to bed. And as i was walking up those stairs and i saw her little nursery, i saw the special k because her name was carolyn with a k, my mom was carolyn and then my husband is kenneth. So carolyn with the k and i saw those special k cereal boxes at her, the minnie mouse room all set up there, her her nurse, her nursery that she never solved. And i was going up the stairs and to my left i saw that nursery. And i just like literally just fell out on the stairs. My husband had just pulled out of the driveway when he got back. So that was a friday evening, her funeral. He got back that sunday evening. I was still laying there in the same place. I cried for 48 hours. I laid out on those stairs. I just didnt understand this i just didnt understand why i had gone through these four second trimester miscarriages. I didnt think there was anything in the middle i thought i would either have a fifth second trimester miscarriage or a full term pregnancy and all of a sudden im in this middle space where i actually have this kid who they said would live for two days. This princess. And then it was six and a half months. And then he took her. I couldnt process i couldnt understand that. I just lay there and cried, just saying, okay, whats next . Lord, i dont understand on this. Im not going to be able to get through this. The pain is too much and i can still remember my husband coming back and he didnt say anything. He looked at me and he had that look as if to say, have you been laying here the whole time . But he could tell i had the same clothes on. And then it was just that hand. It was just that hand that got me up. And so we have to be that hand for people sometime and its okay to lay there and not understand. And some things we will never understand. But sometimes it yes, its what happens, but sometimes its also about is more important how you respond to what happens. And i got up, he got me up and we got on with the plan that the lord had for us in terms of how the lord had planned to make our family. I finally had to let go of this desire that i had, that i was going to make my family. Thats not how this works. Yeah. Your husband sounds like an amazing guy. And i suppose anybody who gets a shout out from maya angelou, it would probably be pretty special. Was that call . Was that cool or what . He has never let me forget that. Okay. Ive been weve been married. Itll be 40 years next april and that brother has never let me forget that maya angelou gave him a standing ovation because he did give up his career to stay at home with our children. And he told the reporter one time, i actually couldnt even believe he said it. When i read it, i said, who told you to say that . She asked him. She asked him, how was it being a stay at home dad to give up his career . And he said a real man will do whatever it takes for his family to thrive. When i asked him if he said that, he said, yeah, i dont know where that came from, but he said it was hard for him. It was hard for him to do that. But he said whatever it took for his family to thrive and to, you know, he poured into his family and it wasnt always for him. I mean, he had, you know, his own issues about how he dealt with that. And he can write his own book one day and he can tell his own stories, and then he can talk about his fabulous who just stuck with him through thick and thin. So the lord has truly been good to us. Hes taken us through some things and weve come out okay, what do you matter most about him and why was he the right man for you to take this journey in life with . He was the right man because the lord truly put us together and the lord, that whole thing, you know, i had put him on hold when i was in college, then called him back when i graduated and all that. Okay. So he, he was there, but he said he engaged. It was a whole long story. But anyway, so hes my husband now and so i know the lord put us together and what i love the most about him is he is an easy going, low key guy who is very much in tune with his own opportunities, has to do better. And so he never tries cover up anything like that in our marriage. And i love that, that he is just real and he is just out there. And what you see is what you get. And so thats what i think i love the most about him. I mean, hes hes hes my husband and he is ride or die for his children, his nieces his nephews. I mean, he is the super dad, he is the super uncle. Sometimes, even when hes driving me crazy, he is there. He is there for the kids. And i admire that. I think our young people need to have people in their life but especially men and our children of our black kids need to, i think, have black men in their lives who they know are just there for them, that they can put their own stuff aside to be there for these kids. And so hes always that hand that will reach out even if his hand is shaking, he will still reach out. Thats what i love about him. I must say that found myself laughing when i read the words. I will call you when i graduate. Dont play, im focused. Its what i see. But i was i mean, its pretty incredible just that one that you were able to him on hold not just not just the date, but just a call until you completed your studies at berklee. And i was shocked when i saw that. But like, i was like a young math. What wait for four years, like what he did didnt wait. Obviously he was engaged. Okay. So but, you know, i was the brother that i was coming back and and people ask me all the time happened to her. I said, i dont really know what happened to her, but to her. But i know what he said. He said when he hung up the phone, she asked who was that . And he said, oh, that was one of my girlfriends from high school and all that. And she said, that was cynthia, right . And he said, yeah. She says, you need to go to the party. Because i told my mom was having me a party and she said, no, you need to go. So she told him that he needed to come to the party. So i guess she knew to that how that was, that was going to be my husband and apparently shes happy and shes happily married and all that. So it all worked out. I didnt break them up. Okay. I didnt break them. Well, no, no, no. I mean, i think you guys had history, so but just the fact that you that connection that you all made even before, you know, in high school was that strong, that that even after four is a separation. And you came back together. I think thats a pretty incredible story. Yeah. He used to go by and see my mom and tell my mom. He i know. You know. So theres that, you know, shes in college and all of that. But, you know, he had moved to San Francisco state to go to college across the bridge. So he surprised me when he transferred schools. And i surprised him when i told not now boyfriend. So he used to go back and see my mom and tell my that he was going to marry me and that, you know, at some point that, you know, hed be the son in law. So just dont worry about it. So he was like he wanted a church girl. Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, i mean, like i said, it was great that it worked out. I wanted to get back to your fight with cancer because obviously its one of the more strong, its the strongest name. The book you mentioned your journal and you kept a journal that you shared with all your supporters in your village. And what was it like kind of chronicle those steps, you know, in writing and and how much was that kind of a a release for you through that process of sort of kind of, you know, let it all out and which your words, you know, it was it was amazing. And you allude to it. It was therapeutic. It was taxing, though. And it started because so many people around the country called once they found out about the diagnosis and they, you know, they wanted status and all that. And so one of my assistants decided, you know what, it would be great just to go to this caring bridge site and just post updates. And i never heard of the caring bridge site, which is its an amazing tool. And so decided so the first time i had chemo, i actually couldnt write the first journal posting. So you probably saw it in the book where rob smith, a good friend of mine, one of our predatory directors at the time at at t, he wrote the first posting because i was too sick to do it. And then i thought okay, what have i committed to . Because we had told people they could get updates, you know, periodically. And my plan because, you know, i always have a plan, right . My plan was to post every round of chemo. Well, of course, the first round i couldnt even post and then i said, okay ive got to do this. I just got to do this because i said i was going to do it and i want people to get it from me. I want them to feel it, and im going to give them the good, the great, the bad and the ugly not honestly, not really thinking there would be a whole lot of bad and ugly because a lot of stuff that i heard about chemo i truly didnt think was going to happen to me and it turned out that i did a post every round and i really did post good, great, bad and ugly. And i just opened up and let people know exactly what i was going through. So when they went to that posting to get a status, they got a real status and what was great is people would comment and i would get thousands of comments back that actually would encourage me. So on those really bad you know non cent like days where i just felt horrible, i could just lay down and i could read some of those falsely read some more and it just actually encouraged my spirit and my soul. And you probably notice that towards the end there some of those journal postings got longer and longer because it was therapeutic. I was like, im telling the story. I mean, im into it now. And so it was a great way to communicate, but also a great way to express what i was thinking and then to get encouraging it back, you know, theres one thing that you mention is that chemo is a beast. I want you to tell me about winston and his little brother, willis. How to leave them behind. I love it. Okay, so winston was my chemo pump, so i had a you know, i had a port. So they put in a port to infuse the the chemo cocktail. And so my port was willis and willis was it. My arm came. Winston was my pump. So id go in and have chemo and then i would leave the chemo suite that i named the clubhouse because were all in there fighting for our lives. So i leave the clubhouse with winston on me, this pump for 48 hours, and i named my pump winston from the movie how stella got her groove back. So i dont know if youve ever seen it with taye diggs. Okay, so youve seen the movie and so angela bassett, so, okay, so my my pump was winston. I said this thing better give me my groove back as as as tough as it is to process all of this this chemo cocktail and all of this medicine. This is supposed to make me better. And so i named it winston. And so my husband would laugh because he said, not only do i have to sleep in the bed, winston has to sleep with us. He makes because, you know, you could hear the medicine going through. And so when it was all said and done. Of course, i gave winston back because winston cost a lot of money and you have to turn winston back in. But i kept my point and i told my doctor when he surgically, you know, take out the port, i said, i need you to do whatever you need to do with this. Sterilize all that and put it in a cup because. Im taking this to the bahamas and we are throwing this in the ocean to have a party. I can throw the a pump. And so. So we took willis to the bahamas and we had a big party was Beautiful People who didnt even know me were on the boat singing with this and singing i will survive. And we had a big party and we threw willis overboard. Once i got the news that i was cancer free. So yes, i named all my equipment. So winston. Winston gave me my groove back. Willis helped out. Winston went back to do more good work. Willis is living peacefully out in the ocean and oh man, oh, i wanted to talk to you a little bit also about just early on in your career, you had to make some adjustments to your appearance to look more corporate, look more acceptable. And i wanted to know, like you started to find comfort in being your true, authentic self. You mentioned that, you know, there was one point where you were about to get a promotion and you rejected it and they wanted you to change your name to be cyndi. And youre like, no, im sent. Hello. I want to know, what does it mean to be sent in . When did you like i said, if i comfort in being your authentic self. Okay. I love that question too. And i will let you know you cant see it though. But i actually have on hot pink fuchsia boots right now because that that is my statement that i dont always have to be in black and maybe blue shoes. Thats okay. But i can do other stuff too. So its a statement that i try to make periodically. When i first started working for our company, like fresh out of college, 21 years old, and i had a boss, a wellintentioned boss. Let me let me preface this. My bosss boss, very wellintentioned. He told me to take down my braids and get rid of my red shoes because they were too ethnic and not professional. And she wanted me to have a professional look, i was on this fast track management and she was so dialed in to making sure i was successful. And in her mind, that was not a successful. So her intentions were very wellmeaning. I went home that night with my oldest sister, cassandra, and my mom, and we stayed up all night taking my braids out. And then my sister worked at the five, seven, nine little boutique store, got me some little outfits and some some black shoes. Ill never forget it. And so i went back to work looking the way she wanted me to look again. Wellintentioned. And so throughout my career, i pretty much had that corporate look every now and then id come out with some splashy colors or something. But 19 years later, when got the call saying i was being promoted to officer, which of course is the highest level you can go in a corporation that offer came with some caveats. The boss told me my boss told me that she wanted me to start wearing more white and that she had left the magazine. She was also well intentioned that she had left a magazine on my desk with these all these black people with white on and the women had short hair. So she wanted me to get a haircut because she just thought i look better with this short hair that, you know, i guess it was just too much, you know, the hair i had. And then she also told me she wanted me to stop laughing so loud i couldnt be so happy. She wanted me to be a little more stoic. And she just had this laundry list. But where she kind of like crossed the line is she told me that i needed to stop saying words like blessed and needed to words like lucky, and then she told me i couldnt be sent. I needed to be cindy or cynthia because nobody knows what a cent is between having to change my name, which of course people i called me cindy and cynthia because for years people just wouldnt call me cent because they werent used to it. And so others who are named cynthia, it was okay for them to be cindy. But i was cynthia. I was sent. But that wasnt okay. And thats just because people werent familiar with it and they werent trying to get familiar with it. But most of the people who i grew up with who looked like me, not all of them, but most of them named cynthia across the people dont to appreciate that. So i just finally said, you know what . When i came here, i gave up the shoes and the braids. I think im just going to have to put a stop to this and i was a sincere as i can be. I asked her to help me figure out how to turn down the promotion, and i wasnt even i wasnt even mad at her. I mean, i thought, okay, like, youve gone too far and im not, you know, i was that i was a vp already. I had risen high, higher than i ever thought i would rise in the corporation. So i was well beyond that director level that i came in on for our Fasttrack Program at a fabulous job, fabulous team, fabulous stakeholders. I was enjoying life, but i wanted to keep my vp job, okay . Because, you know, my family is depending on me, others are depending on me and so i asked her to help me figure out how to say no, that i thought this was i was giving up too much. She said she said she agreed with me and she yes. Agreed that probably the officer thing wasnt for me and that she would shed break the news to the the chairman and her boss in a way that would keep my job intact. Thats all i was worried about when that when i hung up the phone, my husband was in the background and he had a barber. I could go get the hair. Could he go get me some white . Im like, oh, no, enough, enough. I cant let people fundamentally change who i am. And thats the message ive given to all of my kids when they fundamentally try to change who you are. You have to take a stand and well back you up. And so i took a stand and then i got a call just a few minutes after we hung up. And the person on the other end, her bosss boss, said, sent, and he emphasized the t. Yeah, he said, i want to start this all over again. I just heard what happened and he was wonderful. He was wonderful. He told me that he had been in my office. He had seen this cross that i had this thing i had on the wall with the cross on it, said laura, theres nothing that can happen today that you and i cant handle. He said, i see that. I saw that big rock on your deck because he had been in our San Francisco office a few months prior to that. He said, i saw that big rock on your desk that says, i can do all things through crisis within me. He said, i know who you are. I know youre loud. I know you love the people. He went on and on and on. He said, thats the person who has deliveries faults. Thats the person whos been successful and thats the person who we want to be an officer. And ill never forget at our first officers conference, it was so new to me. I had never been into this kind of environment and in this environment. And ed whitaker himself, who was the chairman of at t at the time met me at the door, and he was in tears. And he and he says, girl, youre one of 110. And there 110 officers. He said, its a long way from the east hill Public Housing projects in richmond, california. He said, go in, contribute, take your rightful place in that room. And then he opened the door. Ill never forget as long as i live and that just gave me a true freedom after that, to be who i am. And by the time i actually made it to to be the president of at t, north carolina, when i made it there, i just start telling my stories and opening up and just the authentic me came out and she is never going back in. So that is the long response to your question. Thats how it happened. Yeah. So you just have to slice that up and cut it up and take out what you need. Yeah. Now the great youre now working, you know, with the Dallas Mavericks and then your book you mentioned, you mentioned whats going to warriors game, but i want to know what your level of nba fandom was before that. I work for mark cuban, who you had never heard of before he reached out to you. I know. And people dont believe that. Which i mean, i cant help what they believe. I had never heard of them. So you could judge me. And i was a basketball fan. Okay. But okay, so. So this story is already out. So i will tell you that i had on Golden State Warriors sweats and a cal berkeley baseball cap when mark cuban calls me. Okay. And i was living in dallas, but i was die hard damnation because i was loyal to my home team. Thats who i grew up with. So i was loyal to the giants, loyal to the 40 niners, loyal to the warriors. I mean, just i grew up and so i was a big basketball fan. I paid attention to the warriors and some other teams. Right. I was working like a dog in dallas when i came when i was moved there by our chairman to at t and dallas. So i just, i was working and so i hadnt been to a mavs game. I did know mark cuban when he called me and oh my goodness, was i missing out . Because to go to a mavs game is quite an experience. If you have. Have you been to a mavs game . Of course ive been there for the finals and everything, so yeah. Okay. I mean, to be at a mavs game, theres just no experience like that. So i obviously have been missing out, but i just hadnt been there. Im raising my kids and all that. I hadnt been there and so i didnt know mark cuban when he called me and when he told me about his situation. And then when he was when he was just sharing with me what he needed and he needed a leader. And i told him i dont know the business of basketball. He told me, dont worry about that. He could teach me the business of basketball that. He needed a leader. My name had come up and he needed someone to come in. And basically his mandate was to the culture. I knew i couldnt do it by myself, right . In some amazing women with me coupled with the amazing people who work at the mavs. Yes, we did have to have quite a few leadership changes and diversify our Leadership Team. I laid out a vision and a set of values, put together a 100 day plan and i dont take credit for our transformation and were not perfect. I think were still on a journey for a great place to work, but were not a bad place to work. Were not the place that we were. March 2018 and several people, i mean, probably 150 people have had their hands in making us a much better place to work. So its been quite a journey. I didnt know him and he didnt know me and i actually think is great that he didnt know me because its not like mark was trying to call the friend or call somebody to you know, help him cover up or anything. He truly, truly was sincere about creating a great place to work for his employees. And so we have been on that journey and we are on that journey. We still you know, we work through workplace stuff every day. There are some who are no longer there who dont like the fact that theyre no longer there. And every now and then something will pop up from them. So we still work through our opportunities and our challenges, but we are on a journey for a great place to work. You know, i guess were wrapping up now, but i remember, you know, i covered nba for 20 years and so i was first introduced to you when you took over the mavericks. But i noticed that in this book, you dont really go into what youve done and what youre doing right now. And im wondering, are you setting us up for the next book . No, im not. Because this really was this has been on my heart for 11, ten, 11 years until this cancer story and encourage people and the publishers, of course, and i think they did a great job. What did these other stories in to give people more insight into my life and to if the if the goal was to really give people hope and optimism and encouragement that we accomplished that. I think from what im hearing with some of these other stories, as well. But the cancer journey is the centerpiece and get people to be there for each other and to show how god and great people always show up and and tell people to get a colonoscopy and all that. The rest of it. I said i would never write a corporate book. I thought about writing one years ago. Ironic. Like all rebound. Okay, just about Corporate America and my life and always being able to rebound and get back up. And then i just said, i dont want to if i write another one is probably about motherhood and that kind of stuff. I dont you know, we got the nbas inclusion leadership award. Theyve only given it twice. We got it both times. Okay. The last few years. And so i feel good about what weve accomplished. But but we did it. Its a story for all of us to tell at the mavs and we tell it and we try to help other teams and other organizations. Im just one of those vessels. I dont ever plan on writing a about my time at the mavs or frankly, my time at at t. I dont even think people want to hear about that. I am trying to do gods work and help to inspire people with how he has blessed me and how hes picked me up. Yeah, through my life. Well, thank you so much for your time and for writing this book and sharing your life story. Appreciate you spend some time with us. Thank you for reading it and thank you for taking some time to also encourage people i appreciate