On the show tonight. Tonight is our first night back from a week off. Man, i missed you guys. And before we get started we have to talk about march madness. 2016. Larry explosions always surprise me every time. So the championship game is didnt. We shot the show before the game so we dont know who won yet but its down to villanova and South Carolina that means hosting as my alter ego soul daddy versus starting a twitter battle with kanye. Yeah, man. Thats right. If North Carolina wins ill be coming for kanye higher than his debt collectors. Doing it already. I still cant believe North Carolina beat out syracuse. It was a major upset darewise. I was looking forward to hosting the show drunk i really was. Then i remembered, hold on, its my damn show i dont need a syracuse win as an excuse to host drunk. Ill just pour myself a little whikey for the late night homies that aint here. Ugh. All right. Lets see our first story. The governor of mississippi has signed a proclamation declaring april Confederate Heritage month but made no mention of slavery. Larry Confederate Heritage month. This is not going to do. [cheering] larry Confederate Heritage month . I assumed in mississippi every month was Confederate Heritage months. Hold on a second, guys. Can we play that clip one more time. The governor of mississippi has sound a proclamation that brother can barely get those words out, all right. He cant believe whats on the teleprompter. You can see his brain going just say the words, brother. Keep your jobo brother. Keep your job. You know its [bleep]. Why are they doing this now traumatized black anchor. He believes the States History deserves deflection no matter how unpleasant slavery might be larry unpleasant . Its not humidity. The south lost, why are we still dealing with this [bleep] . I mean, you know what, this is what robert e. Lee said stow it away and put it in your attic which brings me to a new segment called things i never thought id say. I agree with the confederate general, these are things i thought id never say. I have to say, guys, when it seems as a people were more divided than ever. Last week someone brought everyone together in the shared horror and disgust and im not talking batman vs. Superman but the trump comments about abortion. Do you believe in punishment for abortion yes or no as a principle. The answer is that there has to be some form of punishment. To the woman . Yeah, there has to be some form. Larry i agree. Usually this is the part i get angry and curse through a bullhorn but i think ill give it to a woman on this one. Here you go, holly. [cheering] thanks, larry. All right. How does this thing work, oh, here we go. [bleep] that [bleep] [cheering] larry thank you, holly. Now, even for trump, guys,ni th is pretty extreme. So extreme he even issued a correction, well, sort of. Trump campaign u uncharacteristically backtracking and within a few hours a reversal of the first statement saying if abortion were made illegal, quote, the doctor or any person performing the act upon a woman would be held legally responsible. The woman is a victim in this case. Larry no, donald. Thats not better its just more condescending. Women have agency. Doctors arent going around rounding up women and force them to have abortions. Come here, you, having an abortion kept for the one guy which reminds me dont get in dr. Goofballs abortion van. That guys not legit. It didnt end there. Trump took five positions in three days. Five different positions in three days. Sounds like me last weekend at the sandals resort. [cheering] thats right, guys. The woman in barbados are still recovering from hurricane larry. I was there alone. I was there alone. Just supportive. Thank you very much. Okay, so trump marked to unite both sides in condemnation but ironically he exposed the logic of the psyche this week and once that was exposed it has hard to take thatlong logic train to make sense town. Why shouldnt a woman who makes the choice to take the life face a punishment or sanction. Because i think its difficult on her to begin with. Larry wait, wait, wait. So your calling a woman a murderer but forgiving her because it was difficult to commit the murder . Thats now how it works. Mr. Dahmer you said after i ate the mans penis you did some soul searching. Okay, no jail time for you i can tell its been really difficult and no more eating penises. Get out of here. Now over the weekend the Prolife Movement made it clear when it comes to abortion theyre look out for women. Who should be punished when you make abortion illegal the prolifer say not women. Its the antiabortion line were not about punishing women. Of course women shouldnt be punished. Larry its nice for the gone to say they dont want to punish women for performing abortions but women in ohio have seen funding cuts and clinic shirt and draconian actions and counselors banned from referring women to abortion clinics. You can say youre thrown side of women and dont want them punish but when you defund planned parent hood or move clinics hundreds of miles from poor people and enact laws designed solely to shame, you are punishing women for having abortions. Donald trump was the only one to own up to it. So for a couple hours at least. Well be right back. Put more fun in your day with icecreamflavored coffees at dunkin donuts. Go for delicious flavors like butter pecan, cookie dough, or new pistachio. Enjoy one today. America runs on dunkin. Fruit. Nuts. Silky smooth dark chocolate. Revel in the pleasure of new dove® fruit and nut. Thiand being able to useve worked oa pen like thisk. On the screen directly with the image, it takes me back to my time as a painter. And i just cant do that on my mac. America, lets take a break from politics this month. Lets have a few bud lights and focus on what unites us all. Three weeks of nonstop basketball. Yes no enough attack ads and name calling. Yes, that was a foul you jerkface yes larry welcome back. The state of kansas city isnt sure. Can you blame them with kansas facing a halve million of about the students physical privacy act said the bathrooms and shower rooms are for one sex only and its identified at birth by a persons anatomy. Larry first question, why is the Kansas Senate ways and Means Committee coming up with definitions of sex especially when no one on the commit is a scientist. It consists of a farmer and travel agent who would come in handy if you are trans and want to get the hell out of kansas. Its the latest in a nationwide antitrans backlash and the privacy act goes further. If the bill passes schools would have to pay 2500 to students who encounter a transgender student in the bathroom. Theres a 2500 bounty on the heads of transgender children larry with more on how jayhawks are cashing in a resident mr. Mcmasters. What exactly do you do . Im a bathroom Bounty Hunter, larry. Larry wait a second. A bathroom Bounty Hunter . Thats right. And right now im in a High School Girls bathroom. Just looking for those that dont belong if you know what i mean. Larry i think you mean you. Well, im picking up a scent here. I smell d on this towel. Theres been a man in this bathroom. I taste it too, hes here. Larry you are an idiot. Have you identified any transstudents yet . Not yet. Turns out most kids just close the stall doors. Pretty tough. Not to mention, trans isnt really about the body part. Its more about what happens up here. Larry hold on a second. You sound pretty progressive for someone who wants to Cash High School kids. Well, im a Bounty Hunter. Im a progressive scholar second. Larry so do you think the law is stupid . Its wrong as hell but its easier than catching criminals. Larry why are people so hung up on who is using what bathroom . A lot of men here still havent accepted that ladies poop. Theyre a little behind. Larry youre kidding me. Let me say this, you spend two hours in here and youll know. Larry i get it. All right, so have you collected on this bounty yet . Nope but thats why im keeping old trusty wide open. Larry how did you lose your eye . Its a dark tale, larry. A ninth grader clawed at me when i was peering over a stall. I played a hunch and the hunch was wrong. She was right. Thats my bad. Larry yes, she was. Flag mcmaster bathroom Bounty Hunter. Hunter. Wel verizon is the Number One Network in america. I know what youre thinking, they all claim stuff like that. Yeah, but some of them stretch the truth a little bit. Like this. Faster, more reliable and better coverage than ever. And it shows the coverage there. Uh, oh, hold on. Oh map is not a depiction of coverage well, then whats the point . Im speechless. Only verizon has the largest 4g lte network in america. And now if you buy a Samsung Galaxy s7 edge, you get one free. Give extra. Get extra. Is our partnership with habitat for humanity. Pg e is committed to clean energy and part of that commitment our mission is to build homes, community and hope. Our homeowners are lowincome families, so the ability for them to have Lower Energy Cost is wonderful. We have been able to provide about 600 families with solar on their homes. Thats over nine and a half Million Dollars of investment by pg e, and that allows us to provide clean energy for everyone here. Its been a great partnership. Together, were building a better california. Show show me more like this. S. Show me previously watched. Whats recommended for me. X1 makes it easy to find what blows you away. Call or go online and switch to x1. Only with xfinity. Larry welcome back. Im here with our contributor Rory Albanese and nightly contributor and from meet the black folks comedian mike epps. Join our conversation on twitter with our hash tag nightly. The smash hamilton the story of alexande Alexander Hamilton show came under fire for seek nonwhite men and women. They got in trouble for using the phrase nonwhite. Got in trouble for that . Being the highest grossing musical of all time. Larry if youre a casting agent whats the best way to say we dont want white people . This is a tyler perry movie. Like we dont want white people i dont understand what the problem is. Im being serious. Theres never been a history of people not inviting whites. Its a nice change of pace. Like, oh, thats what that feels like. Larry whatso more offensi the idea for wording of a diverse cast. The exclusion part ofco it . Were going to act like everybodys invited. We dont want to say like nonwhite, what . Theyre mad because its a hit without them. Thats why theyre mad. They feel like minority are stealing the story of Alexander Hamilton white people do an allwhite color purpose and its a hit im telling all the white people. And thats true. The reality of it is is that i went to a prince concert and he was sitting in the middle of the floor with a piano and he was jamming and what blew my mind is it was all white people. Like no black people in there. I was having a ball and cheering and one of the songs went off and i was like yeah, and a white dude at me like, hes not yours anymore. Larry he opened for the stones and he was ours then because he got like booed. He was ours then. Let me tell you something, they can never have prince. White people are the worst. Im sorry. Larry no, no, no. Is it okay to specify race in casting. Youve been a casting director. The way they break it down usually when they dont say anything, mike, and you go out and they usually have to say when its black. nr how would you know what to ask for if you dont specify. Its kind of hard. Thats why it was so shocking. White people are like used to saying michael, 30s and its like oh, hes white but when its jerome its like hes black. Larry doesnt it feel like casting directors are the one place youre allowed to be racist and its not based on hate but if youre trying to cast a movie about overweight people then like you dont want to see skinny people. Its a waste of time. We just bring in the fatties. Like, its a business. Larry its tough when youre in the waiting room. ni it feels like a business. Youre paying casting directors money so they wont waste time. They know they dont want white people. Larry they kind of have to profile. Sometimes it doesnt get out of hand. Like theres been talk about the way women are written in character descriptions for straight out of compton some called it racist, b girls with hips. They asked for girls a, b, c, d. And then do you down to c, medium to light skin with a weave. You get to d, African American, not in shape and how do you grade women on this . That sounds like a police report. Larry so was she a, b or c. Whats messed up is the least flattering was d. They could have reversed it like a a little out of shape. Its crazy because i mean like me as an African American in hollywood. Do you dont have to whisper. We know. Larry go ahead, mike. Because im a black actor in hollywood sometimes i tell my agent, look, man, dont cast me for no black roles. Cast me white. Larry you want to be the lawyer . Im speaking about the money. Larry that makes a lot of sense. Well be right back. If you live in the new york city area or planning to this is smith forge. A superior hard apple cider inspired by the cider the pioneers drank. And they traveled this country. On foot. Smith forge. Hard cider the way its sposed to taste. So we brought in a phd a pto help explain them. Es. Youre getting this refund because your son is a qualifying dependent. Ah. I can see that. Good. Good. Good good. Great. Intuit turbotax. Bees not included. Ms new coffee nut m ms they wont make you shake. New chili nut m ms mouth will not catch fire. Try m all and vote for your favorite only those who dare drive the world forward. Introducing the firstever cadillac ct6. Daddy you done yet . One last screw sweetie. And were done singing lil sweet ahhhhhhhh you deserve the singing sweeeet reward of a diet dr pepper. I do . You build this big ole house with that singing tinnnny tool. Oh yeah, i did singing aoohhhhhh hmm, that is sweet singing ohhh yeahhh you know the game is about to start if. [sfx car horn beeps and cat meows. ] thats my ride is that our cat . Step on it singing lil sweeeeet diet dr pepper. singing its the sweet one. Larry were almost out of time before we go im going to keep it hundred for you. Tonights question from an audience number named julia. Lets take a look. Larry, how did you really go bald . Yeah, larry, how did you go bald . Larry thats messed up. Im not bald. I just cut it short. Thanks a lot. Keep it a running ahundred. Im not bald. Captioning sponsored by comedy central. Chris its 11 59 59. On soundcloud this week, last week we were on high tate us a fancy word for vacation. But chris has risen and i am back. [ applause ] chris it took me ten days to come back. I love to sleep in. [laughing] i guess god is going to strike him down for [beep]ing up his kids name. [cheers and applause] chris you left out the t
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