This is the nightly show. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [cheers and applause] thank you, very much. At this. Thank you. Welcome to the nightly show. Audience larry. Larry thank you, appreciate it. Very nice of you. I just barely made it. My catering job wept a little late. Made it here just in time. We got a great show tonight man. Actress and median susie essman is here. [ applause ] larry also joining us is cohost of the view, nicolle wallace. First, this is exciting. Very exciting. Its time for a nightly showy election update. Larry ya. The unblackblackenning, bailey. First up governor mike huck a bee. Yesterday was a big day for him. He has waited since 2008. These roll outs are important. Every roll is scriptd and scrutinized. They have wait aid long time to deliver this message to america this. Moment. Lets enjoy. A race to the bottom to figure out the candidacy for presidency on the left. Were going to the rose garden where president obama is making an important announcement. [cheers and applause] larry maybe you can call us when its time to fill us in. They shut him down mid sentence, you guys. Normally when someone is cut off that hard they have to stop the whole nascar race. Lucky for mike though fox news hearts huckabee and stayed with him through the end of his announcement. We dont have time for the whole announcement. Give us the essence. Common sense tells us the best government is the most local and most limited. Huhuh, alright. Small government. Yes, the essence of conservatism. Huck a bee laying it down. Okay. Oh, im sorry i think i may of interrupted you. Finish your thoughts. But we have lost our way moral ly we have witnessed the slaughter of 55 million babies in the name of choice. Were now threatening the foundation of liberty by criminalizing christianity and denying the biblical principles of marriage. Larry i think i got it the government cant tell you how to live your life unless they disagree with how you live your life. Okay. Got it makes sense. Now that is small minded government. Okay. You foe, more and more it feels like the government is saying he wants a small government. Is like a girlfriend saying she doesnt mind her small penis. Its routine to say. Everyone knows they want something much bigger. [laughing] so, its fine. He looks so sad. Alright. Someone announces too. Who else was it. Im here with karlie fee ore eastbound. Alanna the former tax ceo. Are you running for president . Yes, i am running for president. Larry alright. Woomon lady cop breaking up the gop sausage party. Karlie use to run hewlettpackard hp. I read business magazine bidness magazine, yall. I do. I do. Let me tell you something, its her bidness that she thinks will give her the edge. I understand how the economy works whose in the world and who runs it. I cant imagine what her website looks like. I bet its pimped out. She has flash, right. Right, right. The java script all over that, right. Lets check out karliefee ore carlyfiorina. Org. Are those frowning faces . She should be happy running for president. Visit carlyfiorina. Org and the supporters might be disappoint. The site is backed by her critics. She didnt buy her own website what . I dont understand. Shes a, what are the frowning faces . 30,000 sad faces. Each for each employee she fired. Whats, whats . Man. Guys, im sorry i havent heard numbers that grim since the count got hooked on meth. Sorry. Its sad. It happens. Dont blame the messenger. One, two, three bags of drugs. One of the saddest days of my life. I dont know if this is a tech business person or a person who was technically in business. Not sure. At least the lady republican isnt being attacked for being a woman. Thats saved for the lady democrat. Shes aging, shrill, angry and clearly not inspiring. You want that face staring at you for eight straight years that frightening face . You can go [beep] [laughing] yourself. [laughing] [cheers and applause] Michael Savage you want to talk about a frightening face, look at the mile of bad road between your neck and your hairline. Its not just these pundents making comments about ovaries in the oaf al office. Dr. Skraouly holland wrote a article about how Hillary Clinton is the perfect age for running for president. According to her postmenopausal women are ideal candidates for leadership because theyre primed to handle stress well. Okay. On the one hand i understand shes defending hillarys age saying shes best suited because her hormones have flat lined. Got it. On the other hand by saying a person at that age is better suited to be president it diss all women under that age. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. On the third hand why are we talking about hormones at all . Why cant she just be a good [beep] leader . Why, why . We will be right back. [cheers and applause] if you havent heard about the latest sale at hotels. Com, then you havent see n this commercial. Book now and save during the Memorial Day Sale at hotels. Com. Sorry. Sorry. Regerts . Sorry, i was eating a milky way. So if i gave you a bud light are you up for whatever happens next . Yeah check it out. The perfect beer for stepping outside for some old school fun. My goodness. Aaaahhhhhh pacmaaaaaaaan goooo no yeah, riley we have a winner what is going on . . what made you switch to taco bell breakfast . I, for me, i personally think that all the breakfast sandwiches are the same. But this is an a. M. Crunchwrap. What really sets it off is i have a hashbrown in here. Im c. J. And im a breakfast defector [bong ] my name is jamir dixon and im a locate and Mark Fieldman for pg e. Most people in the community recognize the blue trucks as pg e. My truck is something new. Its an 811 truck. When you call 811, i come out to your house and i mark out our gas lines and our electric lines to make sure that you dont hit them when youre digging. 811 is a free service. Im passionate about it because every time i go on the street i think about my own kids. Theyre the reason that i want to protect our community and our environment, and if me driving a that truck means that somebody gets to go home safer, then ill drive it every day of the week. Together, were building a better california. [cheers and applause] larry welcome back. As you all know Hillary Clinton has set her sights on 1600 pennsylvania avenue. Did you know she opened her Campaign Headquarters in one of new yorks coolest boroughs, brooklyn. Otherwise known as crooklyn or as hillary calls it brooklyn. We took to the streets to hear how excited everyone is about the new neighbor. Hillary clinton has chosen brooklyn for her president ial headquarters. Im here to help you fit in. Its one of the most diverse places in america. Bearded hipsters. Bearded jews. Black people here, more black people there, if you go further out more black people. Everyone has a different way to welcome to you town. Lets see what they got. Any fashion or beauty advice for Hillary Clinton fitting in brooklyn . Got to go. Not in brooklyn. The earrings have to say yes. Look at me. Just like that. Yes. I want to be president. Get the jewelry. Nails done short. Not too long. I think so no. Do like Hillary Clinton. I love her so much. Give her a good price. Free. Does that mean i get free. Im her nev aoeufplt. I dont know. Free nails. Lets get richer. Bill clintons wife coming here to make brooklyn better. Bill clintons wife not Hillary Clinton. She has a name. I know. How do you make her a brooklynite. You want to be a brooklyn girl . Brooklyn at. Nets hat and then socks for 5. All day, bill will like these on her in the middle of the night. What would you give her any product that would say, this is brooklyn . I dont know get her like a scully or a mask. Like a ski mass stphbg. Ya. Im not setting her up for a rob ry. Got to come hard in brooklyn, hillary. A nice neck tattoo, baby daddy. Or go straight up brooklyn. Anything brooklyn . County of kings. On the belly. You have been coming here for how long . I am 78. We have not here since i was 15 years old. What do you think about Hillary Clinton moving her president ial headquarters to brooklyn . Everyone was in their place and good. You know like you guys. You guys you guys meaning black people. Ya. Say it. Were accepting black now. Oh, larry. How come you aint got no brothers on the wall. I think so were here at coney island outside of nathans franks. If you want to win brooklyns respect come down here and down 35 hot dogs in ten minutes. Bringing the womens title back to america. Do you that we will love you forever, hill raoefrplt. Were here at my home. L johns babar shop. This is the spot. What hair cut do you suggest for hillary . Jesus christ in the back of the head. There. I dont know. Christians wont vote for a woman with jesus in the back of her head. We are putting together gift baskets. I have one a Gift Certificate for one free shape up. Dont be bringing a bunch of people for extra shape ups this. Is one shape up for Hillary Clinton only. Please show up, hill ry. Thank you brooklyn loves you. We love thank you. [cheers andmike, everybody. We will be right marcia, what happened . Peter hit me in the nose with a football. Now sweetheart. Shut up marcia, eat a snickers®. Why . You get a little hostile when youre hungry. Better . Better. Marcia, marcia, marcia. They tell you its out there. Somewhere. Upon a star, over a rainbow. Where the grass is greener and everyones happily ever after. But its not on a map. Or some app. Its not someday or somehow. Its where ever you are, here and now. When you are you. [ rock music playing ] have a day to remember. Its easy with a free Red Velvet Cake with a 10 piece meal or larger. Welcome back. Im here with my panel. Nightly show writer holly walker. [cheers and applause] median and actress susie essman. [cheers and applause] and cohost of the view and author of the new book madam president , nicole wallace. Its a novel. Madam president. I like the way you say that. Its good. This magazine thing. How is this quoted again. Dr. Julie [laughing] so, she said biologically speaking post menopausal woman are ideal candidates for leadership. Theyre primed to handle stress stressful jobs well. There is truth in that . Im not suggesting anyone is post menopausal. Im proudly post menopausal. Good. Here is what i think about that. The statement is not in itself true. The statement would be false if she added premenopausal woman are not equipped to be president. Saying Something Like that to me is like saying if we have a male president he has to be a unique or a castrady. Thats like saying you cant have a man with a sex drive be president. You cant have a woman who is menmenstruating be president. I agree. I know you had a guest with the book when the balls drop. I think Time Magazine owes it to say where men are in the process. Thats a thing. I didnt know that. They ache they drop. You know this is about his ball sthz. I think its in the book. Okay. Nicole f they have prostate problems they pee nonstop. Oh my god. How can you stare down vladimir if you have to pee. Exactly. Seriously. Very good point. If menopausal women are on the table so are ball aches. Okay. If a man is 35 or 40 he maybe jerking often times a day. Thats what guys do. Maybe. Then we can only have unix run for president. Its ridiculous. Isnt castrady like an italian car . I actually think there is some truth to it. I think that post menopausal woman are ideal candidates. I think that premenopausal women are great candidates. I think during menopausal are great candidates. All of the pausals are good candidates. All the of the pausals. Can i go ahead please. Here is the thing when i was premenopausal and had a period once a month i ran a career i brought up mildren, i ran a household. I did all of these things plus bleeding every month. How coy do that having my period a fulltime job. Yes every 28 days i bled but the country goes on. Oh. There has been enough women in the white house. Women as National Security advisors. Listen this is this is your topic not ours. Tell is about the bleeding every it will days. Larry, im bleeding right now. [beep] everything is [cheers and applause] yes youre speaking. Im talking and things are okay. Were not victorian woman. You know okay. [laughing] oh, arrrgggh on period cant stop. Ing . Is wrong something is wrong [laughing] to me its like were acting like women are a creature we have never met before. Exactly. A biology were not familiar wfrpl. You know how many people in the raud yens are potentially lieding right now. Things are not going were not burning down stuff. We can still talk. The whole suggest i find it offensive. I do. How should hill row handle it . She shouldnt pay attention. Regan reagan handled everything with jokes. When they talked about his age. He slammed mondale. The hope and the change. They like it. [cheers and applause] or how about if holly was the campaign manager. Im bleeding right now, what are you going to do . Ignore it. Ignore it. Dont give it energy. Its a ridiculous topic. The voters will make their own corrections. They have a way to sift through this. The people determine determining the outcome of president ial elections are women. They are the Largest Group of swing voters and independents. Thats who the candidates are speaking to in the end, thats who they speak. To theyre important. Yes, they are. I dont understand when other women throw shade on women sometimes. I want to show this ceo clip. I think you talked about this on a morning show. I am a strong women. I run my own company like you said. But that is not the same as running the best country in the world and being commander in chief and head of state. The president of the united states. To me should be a man. Not a female. Okay. Obviously was she transgender. No. Dont go down that road sue see. Just asking. Obviously shes cray. She says are women womens biggest obstacles . They can be. She said in her Facebook Post if a woman run she would move to canada. If a woman ran she would move to canada . Yes. Please, hill ry we need you now more than ever. Those poor canadiens. Democrats threat tone move to canada. We have to hold anyone this cycle menstrual cycle. Yes. The canadiens are lovely people thefplt have no face though. I dont think the canadiens want any of these at dunkin breakfast just got zestier with guacamole made from real avocados, tomatoes, cilantro, and lime the new bacon guacamole flatbread. Ole, indeed america runs on dunkin. You can call me shallow. But, i have a wandering eye. I mean, come on. National gives me the control to choose any car in the aisle i want. I could choose you. Or i could choose her if i like her more. And i do. Oh, the silent treatment. Real mature. So you wanna get out of here . Go national. Go like a pro. Thats all the time we have time for tonight. I want to thank our panelists and a message for Hillary Clinton. Hey, hill row welcome to brooklyn. I have some door knockers for you. Right here. You have to come on the show and get them. Good nightly, everyone. [cheers and applause] its 11 59 and 59 seconds, this happened on dictionary. Com today. Websters dictionary defines dictionary. Com as the thing that is going to put websters dictionary out of business. Dictionary. Com is barely able to keep up with all the new dumb words people keep making upton internet but you go girl. Com. Dictionary. Com just released a list of over a thousand over the, of the latest hip new words that kids are using all the time these days, like brogrammer a male Computer Programmer who is characterized as a bro, in other words a male Computer Programmer. Or. Con controversial one, revenge porn consumely
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