Lets meet whoever Bernie Sanders is laughter no, thats actually thats colonel sanders. Lets meet deion sanders. laughter that laughter thats ned flanders. Sure. Sure, thats Bernie Sanders. All right, fine. laughter there we go how will this twoterm senator this eightterm representative, this fullterm curmudgeon battle the incredibly powerful clinton machine . Let me just make a brief comment and i will be happy to take a few questions. We dont have an endless amount of time. Ive got to get back. laughter jon with charm laughter that was his president ial campaign announcement. Not so much yes we can and more like lets just get this over with. Im a busy man busy running is antihillary. Hes a centrist hes a leftist. Her campaign is managed to a t he forgot his comb laughter she has almost 100 name recognition he is somewhat lesser known laughter she has a private server in her home where she deleted tens of thousands of her own emails. He owns a vhs copy of tootsie. laughter she has a set of consistent principles that he has he has a set of consistent principles he has run on his entire political life. She. Is going to crush him laughter there is nothing that can stop her nothing that can possibly derail or undermine or at least 181 Clinton Foundation donors lobbied the state department at the same time that Hillary Clinton was running it. The clintons did not live up to their promise to disclose all foreign donations. Now the foundation has had to refile five years of tax returns because at least three of the years they reported zero donations from foreign governments when in fact there were tens of millions of dollars. Jon what but thats okay. Thats easy mistake. The zero to tens of millions. Thats an easy mixup. Probably happened as you were doing, okay, 10 million, you probably misplaced the the 1 and uh laughter naturally, some people think that with all that money changing hands laughter really . A little reference but all right. laughter some think with all the money changing hands something unseemly must be going on. Thats the world in which people have access to the clintons or somehow buying access to the clintons. To give you an example the New York Times last year took note Chelsea Clinton gets about as much as 75,000 a speech for speaking on subjects like diarrhea which is a subject she says shes passionate about. laughter jon is it your suggestion, sir, that audiences might not be interested in Chelsea Clintons speech about diarrhea . laughter because as she has so eloquently said some people think its funny, but its really brown and runny. laughter gotcha applause its really a q a session afterwards thats most valuable. Chelsea, according to jon stewart and the daily show, when youre sliding to first laughter and your pants begin to burst, is that laughter when it smells like a fart my point is chachacha seriously though, diarrhea kills 1. 5 million children every year. laughter all right. Um. So so the outfits, the donations to foreign governments, the outfits are not good and theres a pot of potential for corruption. What about proof . So far there arent any specific concrete examples that any companies or foreign governments received special treatment abc found no evidence that Hillary Clinton took action based on these contributions. Jon well there you have it. No proof, no nothing. The one opening sanders might have shut down. All secretary clinton has to do is address this simply and squarely and put this to bed. Did these Companies Receive any special treatment for their donations . Jon well see if im right. Well were back into the political season and, therefore we will be subjected to all kinds of attack and im ready for that. It is, i think, worth noting that the republicans seem to be talking only about me. I dont know what they talk about if i werent in the race. laughter jon i wrote down no. So theres still hope bernie oh, didnt move at all. All right. Well, well be right back. When Francois Thibault said he was going to make vodka in cognac with spring water and the best french wheat. Everyone here said. Non, non but little by little the world got to love what he had made. Grey goose, francois . The extraordinary belongs to those who make it. Dear stranger, when i booked this trip, my friends said i was crazy. Why would i stay in someone elses house . But this morning a city ive never been to felt like one i already knew. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your world with me. It felt like home. Airbnb. Belong anywhere. This memorial day weekend only tmobile has the Samsung Galaxy s6 edge with double the memory for free. Thats right. Pay for 32 gigs, and get 64 when you get samsungs hottest new phone. Yep, thats twice the gigs. And zero down. You cant get that with the other guys. This weekend only. Double your gigs for free. Only at tmobile. Lilly baker is preparing for college. Shell use that education to get a job. Shell use that job to buy a home. This is lilly baker. Her mom just refinanced their home and is putting an extra 312 a month toward lillys tuition. Lilly is about to take over the world. Whos with her . Buy in. Quickenloans home buy. Refi. Power. Our pizza hut big flavor dipper pizza is almost twofeet of pizza. Whoa. Youre gonna need a bigger car. Get the new big flavor dipper pizza with four flavorful sauces and a free pepsi 2liter with online orders. Just 12. 99. Only at pizza hut. Now you can take bold, smooth cocktail taste. Wherever the night takes you. everywhere i go by new politics plays throughout introducing new bud light mixxtail. Now available in three flavors Long Island Iced Tea hurricane and firewalker. Bring the bar with bud light mixxtail. Jon hi, everybody welcome back we have been down this road a few times this year. Each time its not easy. Tonight marks the end of an era, the longest serving member samantha bee. It started in 2003. The bush presidency was entering terrible twos. We need a correspondent, we looked in your liquor stores, betting parlors, methadone clinics, google was in its baby stages and we ended up in canada. laughter we found this delightful incredibly funny, person. We put her in the trunk and raced back over the border. Canada had no idea what it was losing. Have you had a hot karl . No, i havent gotten to do everything yet. Its a totally Different Group of people. What state could you beat up . Ours. I dont think that counts. Oh, so i sorry. Ther states not in europe. Canada . Okay. None of these tools are sterile. Neither is is this. Its kind of dark my mommas always talking about something im samantha bee and i watch the five its the tale of a winsome blonde, dana parino. Got to be a catch make it snappy, ive got places to be. Okay, dripping wet balls. Ignore this. Umpire. You two timing mother ahhh im getting thrown out of this bleep pool one makes you larger and it rings i think a lot of the time it feels like a thankless job. People think our day ends at 3 00 and thats not the case. We feel unappreciated. Basically instant arrest. Takes a little bit of doing. Okay, okay, okay. Have you had your picture taken with black person yet . I dont think so but wouldnt mind. You would be willing to try . Certainly. Plenty of them. I know. Do you have any of them in montana . We dont. We were pretty old before we saw one. Jon sam is only the third correspondent to ever get her face stuck in a beach ball. The ones i love best are the ones closest to her heart. Sarah palin took stage in silence to her critic. But onish is for which he sees still unfairly attacked. Its very inappropriate the democrats seized on on the issue of her daughters pregnancy. Shes going to have a family and a baby. Its a human being. She made the decision another word im looking for. Im looking for voice. Every family and woman should have the right to im sorry whats the word . Its her family, its her what is the word im looking for . We have a lot of options, you should select one. Whats the word im looking for . Adoption is one. No, a specific word im looking for. Yes, but i dont think the i dont think that the decision i think it should be not i think that the Family Decision would become thats how yes. Okay. A different choice . Choice yes exactly every person, every family should have a choice to decide whats best for them there may be a 10yearold picking tobacco but you wont see him there all day. I work 12 hour days in the tobacco farms, sometimes longer. Youre making it hard for me to support child tobacco labor. The president says he wants us to talk about race. So lets talk about race you go first. I think it would be great if you started off. I dont think it would be great at all. If youre scared, say youre scared. laughter no im not at all. Im just incredibly uncomfortable. I know the percentage is so small so small of a person becoming pregnant from a rape that i just dont even know if thats even in the equation because they say that percentage is just like, almost impossible. Not impossible but close, and there have been some cases. Yeah, probably about 32,000 a year. 32,000. Women in combat positions are a threat to military cohesion. Its not clear that men can actually bond with women. Men join the infantry because they want to fight. Excuse me for one second. Okay. Girls become women by getting older. Boys become men by accomplishing something proving something. Okay. Have you ever actually met a woman before . Several. Um. A woman who did not want to strangle you . The reverse happens as well, where homosexuals go out and find straits to beat up. Really . Yeah. Are you sure about that . Hey watch out ive got a christian guys you cant even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting blowback. When you put it that way it does sound rather narrow, myopic narrowminded and bigoted. Yes, now ive done my job. Jon southeastern correspondent samantha bee cheers and applause you know blue moon didnt always come with an orange. Early on, i noticed people serving our beer with lemons kinda like a traditional belgian wit. But we brewed blue moon belgian white with valencia orange peel for a subtle sweetness. Thats when i got the idea for the orange garnish. So what i would do was bring bags of oranges to bars and show bartenders how to garnish our beer. People loved it. 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Okay guys, weve got two cars here. Were going to start watching a movie in the chevy malibu. kids laughing hes flying ok guys, pause the movie were going to watch the rest in the toyota camry. Hit play again ehhh. What happened . You cant watch the movie. Ugh. No network connection. Who wants to go back in the chevy malibu . Me lets go peace out chevrolet. The first and only car company to bring builtin 4g lte wifi to cars, trucks and crossovers. This is cool. Yeah. My name is Jeff Richardson the Vice President of operations here at c. K. Mondavi. To make this fine wine it takes a lot of energy. Pg e is the energy expert. We reached out to pg e to become more efficient. My job is basically to help them achieve their goals around sustainability and really to keep their overhead low. Solar and Energy Efficiency are all core values of pg e. Theyve given us the tools that we need to become more efficient and bottom line save more money. Together, were building a better california. cheers and applause jon what about my guest tonight . Shes the best. She has a new film out called welcome me. I want a talk show with me as the host. Host. Okay. It wouldnt be our first for foray into fanty programming. I think she wants to take over for oprah. You want to talk about things . No. Guests and interviews. No. Okay what do you want to talk about . Me. Hmm. Jon welcome back to the program kristen wiig cheers and applause hello hi jon how are you . Samantha bee jon i know its killing me. You got a little i did. Jon you did. That one felt, you know this, past year a lot of people have been we loved her but shes foundational and we love her and decent and i think i got a little lump there. Yeah, thats okay. Jon when you left s. N. L. Like, mick jagger came and sang. Yeah, that was crazy. Yeah, he was the host that week and yeah, that was yeah, for a good year. laughter it was really hard to watch the show after that. Jon and everyone came and danced. Yeah. Jon we showed some clips. laughter i owe samantha bee an apology. I need to call the rolling stones. Its so bleep hard because its, you know, its the end of an era but i know, like, sam and i were talking earlier and shes so excited about the future she has so many great things coming up its hard to leave a place where you loved the people, felt comfortable, did good work and it knocks you out a little bit. Yeah, because you dont have a second home like that, many of those in a lifetime. Jon what i like so much about what you do is the choices you make theyre all intriguing. You seem like a person who chooses things based on true interest and passion and not other lesser thoughts. Yeah, i guess. Jon no. Yes i thought we were going to talk about ourselves. Jon all right. No, i mean i like to try different things. When we were talking earlier, i feel like, i dont know, being an actor, performer, whatever when youre a little uncomfortable and youre challenged, you question why you did that. Youre, like, oh, my god, why did i do this . Why am i not home in my house. Jon the grammies thing you were phenomenal in it. I thought, you must be trained. It was phenomenal. You were like, no we did a couple of weeks of practice laughter yeah, i mean, i danced by myself in wigs and leotards. And i cry a lot. laughter no, i took ballet when i was a kid, and then, yeah,. Jon do they call you up . Does somebody call you and say, hey, man, im going the grammys, would you dance to my song . Its kind of weird. My friend and i were talking. I made a joke if she needed anyone to dance in the background when she was singing and then it was like grammys . And i was sure, and it happened. It was great deally weird. Jon ive asked people that, too if they needed somebody, but ive never gotten that call. Never say it to a lot of people. A lot of people even people who dont sing. Jon i say it to orators, senators would you like me to dance . No one said jon no one bit. Did you like Bernie Sanders. That was funny. The picture jon hes tremendous. Its like this. Jon its like david is running for president. You have a guy like, what are you doing hes, like, ever to go so lets get this over with. Jon thats his announcement for running for president , lets keep it going, people laughter do you remember watching seinfeld and the steinbrenner character . That was davids voice. I feel like that would be a Bernie Sanders presidency. You would walk in and i want an embargo blah blah blah blah i know youre not comfortable with this but steve carell was on this program for a long time. And then he does the fox catcher and hes an actor. I feel like thats you. Youve got something there. I love the work youre doing. This movie welcome me its not easy to pull this off with great empathy but also the depth of character and you do a great job in it. Thank you. Jon its very nice. Kristen wiig, shes great cheers and applause kelloggs® krave a totally different breed of chocolate cereal. Wicked crunch outside, creamy real chocolate inside. Krave cereal. Chocolate chocolate. Yum yum [guitar playing] [grunting] to love this life is to live it naturally. Moo our pizza hut big flavor dipper pizza is almost twofeet of pizza. Whoa. Youre gonna need a bigger car. Get the new big flavor dipper pizza with four flavorful sauces and a free pepsi 2liter with online orders. Just 12. 99. Only at pizza hut. Theres some facts about seaworld wed like you to know. We dont collect killer whales from the wild. And havent for 35 years. With the hightest standard of animal care in the world, our whales are healthy. Theyre thriving. I wouldnt work here if they werent. 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