Who steelz our children. We know him as former Vice President dick cheney. cheers and applause comow and then she slighters out from his lair of kitten corpses and goes on tv saying awful things. Usually we ignore him but sometimes we cant. Mr. Vice president you dealt with iran a lot as secretary of defense and eight years as Vice President. Do they strike you as a practically minded or responsible regime . This is a totally radical regime that is the premiere sponsor of state terrorism in the world, and obama is. To give them nuclear weapons. Its i cant think of a more terrible burden to leave the next president than what obamas creating here. Jon really . You cant think of an administration that left a more terrible laughter think hard. No wait. Think if i ask you think harder. Can you think maybe you need a visual aid . You can think of an administration that left can you all right. But that wasnt even the worst thing cheney had to say. Is he naive . If you had somebody as president who wanted to take america down, who wanted to fundamentally weaken our position in the world reduce our past influence of events, turn our back on our allies and encourage your adversaries it would look exactly like what barack obama is doing. Jon i wah is barack obama a traitor . I dont wah laughter i dont know if hes wah a traitor but he does a great impression of a traitor. Wah. laughter but basically the Vice President s point appears to be this anyone who strengthens the strategic position of iran is by definition working to weaken the United States of america. So i guess the formulation would be whoever strengthened iran more would be the greater threat to america. Using dick cheneys own metric as our baseline, can we uncover a greater threat to america than even barack obama . Well, we find out in tonights nailbiting installment of. cheers jon thank you for joining me in the library mr. Vice president. laughter mr. Vice president. laughter represented here by a balloon with a frowny face drawn on it. laughter Vice President cheney you leveled some serious charges that barack obama has strengthen iran. Is there anything else you can think of over the last say i dont, 12 years and 28 days that coiled also be seen as fundamentally strengthening irans position in that region . One of the consequences of our invasion of iraq was ultimately to strengthen irans role and influence in the regions. Jon and who, sir, was responsible for that invasion . Who, sir ill look it up in my history book. Wah wah by gum, it was you it was you applause cheers i take your reddened face as embarrassment laughter and if invaigd iraq not only removed irans closest faux but complicated americas ability to actively counter vail Irans Nuclear program, well, in fact, according to the International Atomic Energy Agency by the end of your administration, Vice President cheney iran had over 20 times the number of uraniumenriching centrifuge as when you came into office. And that laughter could that not be considered handing iran a nuclear weapon, sir a conclusion so damning it can only be spoke pen through two different oral afecitations. laughter i see the smile and lines and topography has gone from your face. laughter yes, dick cheney, you took out irans enemies while giving iran time to build up their nuclear program. But surely you could course correct this by just installing in iraq another strong antiiranian government to take saddamSaddam Husseins place as any americaloving Vice President would do. What was your move sir . In baghdad with violence growing, the bush team began urgently looking for an iraqi leader to unite the country and stop the fighting. A c. I. A. Officer at the embassy had a suggestion a relatively unknown shiite member of parliament, nouri kamal nouri kamal almaliki. Jon and thats when maliki walked in. laughter and thats when maliki walked in. And i decided to shift genres. laughter applause maliki it was heartstopping dame. Actually, a middleaged iraqi man. He called himself almaliki. And he had a pair of getaway sticks that went all the way up from the floor to hez pelvic region like a normal adult. Who was this brave, future enemy of iran . For 25 years, this guys been a hardline shiite sectarian politician. When he was in exile from Saddam Husseins regime, he lived in iran. He was funded by the iranians. Jon for an American Administration to replace Saddam Hussein with a man emboldened and indebted to our greatest regional enemy according to dick cheneys own logic, anyone who trusted maliki would have to be naive or deliberately trying to weaken america. Do you trust Nouri Almaliki . I do. At this point i dont have any reason not to trust him. Jon do you well, it seems youre getting sweat on your brow laughter it seems youre ah getting a little getting a little hot in here isnt it, mr. Vice president . Strange. I find the temperature. Quite mild. Hmmm. Still not going to confess your disingenuous utterly lacking in selfexamination ironic attack on the Obama Administration . Well, ill have to give up and report to my superiors i couldnt crack the case. Ah, what are you going to do . Just one more thing one more thing. laughter one more thing mr. Vice president. I just cant it get it out of my mind. Cant it get is it out of my mind. You mentioned earlier there was a reason you would never want an american president to deal with iran and you thought for some quite sometime. Iranians have endured oppression at the hands of a finatical rejeems. That regime is one of the worlds primary state sponsors of terrorism. Gl state sponsors of terrorism so you would never engage with such a regime lets say even when in 1998 you were the c. E. O. Of a johnson resources corporation. What was the name . Halliburton. We find ourselves these days american firms, cut out of the action in terms of exg anything that develops with respect to iran. As has been pointed out, in recent weeks, our government has become sanctions happy. Jon very interesting. You were arguing for the United States to lift sanctions on iran so your Company Halliburton could get contracts with iran. What would you makeave man whose final act in Business World before joining the American Government as Vice President would be to enter into contracts with the number one state sponsor or of of terror just before leaving to become bushs running mate . Contracts that were only legal because you did them through a foreign subsidiary, mr. Cheney and then once you were in office, in gratitude for irans money, you hand iran the greatest prize of all iraq. Isnt it you sir who is the double agent determined to bring america down isnt it you hes getting away hes getting away hes getting wait hes getting damn you, dick cheney cheers and applause well be right back. Tmobile is breaking the rules of wireless. And the Samsung Galaxy s6 edge is breaking the rules of design. Cant get your hands on it because youre locked down by a carrier . Break free tmobile will pay every penny of your switching fees. Get ahead of the curve and get your hands on the galaxy s6 edge for 0 down at tmobile today. Squire . what beer may i fetch you, my lord . Umm. Ill have a redds apple ale. And perhaps a wrench. No. A wrench, a wrench. Redds apple ale. Also in strawberry and green apple. Long live the pioneers rebels and mutineers go forth and have no fear come close and lend an ear and i said hey, hey hey hey living like were renegades hey hey hey living like were renegades renegades renegades cheers and applause . Jon welcome back. As you know we are blessed to live in the best damn nation on the planet and here at the the daily show we dont just believe in american exceptionalism. We sell it. Ladies and gentlemen i give you the 2015 merkin awards. laughter here now to celebrity a winner are our american judges, samantha bee, and jessica williams. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much. cheers and applause its good to be here. Im contractually obligated. Jon settle down. All right, judges the First American finalist comes to us from pittsburgh pennsylvania. Panic at an easter vigil maz. A man brings a gun into a church and it goes off,. The trigger caught on the mans pants. Judges what, do you say . Okay, well, its good. Its got the ingredient of an merkinworthy story devout religiousissity paired with guntoeting paranoia, very merkin. I feel like he could have tried harder. If he was of he did it wearing flipflops andflipflops, im going to give this story one baseballshaped twinkie. Jon thats a soiled score. Jessica, your score. Yeah, i felt it needed an extra edge. Merkin winner should make me feel like superman is throwing a hamburger at my face, so im going to give this one, one and a half. Jon another thats not terrible. I gotta say. By the way, that is one and a half out of how many nuts do you have, jon . Jon all right, so out of three. Moving on to our next finalist. This story is from georgia. A man shot an armadillo but ended up accidentally wounding his motherinlaw. The bullet bounced off the armadillo, hit a fence traveled through the back door of his motherinlaws mobile home 100 yards away. It piercedly the recliner shooefs sitting in before finally striking her in the back. No charges expected to be filed. laughter well, i should hope not. Yeah, if a man cant get away with plugging his motherinlaw in the back through the wall of her trailer and then blame a dead varm int, might as well take the constitution and flush it down the toilet. Damn straight. That couldnt have taken more of an American Journey if it had punctured a kraft single. Im giving this one a ben franklin wearing an American Flag bikini. Jon a perfect score. A nearly perfect score unbelievable, sam. I do agree with jessica. I give it a Washington Holding reagans legs while he does a keg stand on the liberty bell. Jon gl thats amazing. Thats amazing. Jon lets just give armadillo shooter the merkin now and celebrate with bud light and poppers. Jon not so fast. Theres one final entry from new jersey. A new Jersey Court Says a man cannot sue applebys neighborhood bar and grill over claims he suffered burns while praying at dinner. The man claimed a waitress didnt warn him his sizzling stake faheato skillet was hot. Burned in the u. S. A. Wow, that had everything. It had public prayer. Frivolous litigation gee a fam three chain restaurant serving fake mexican food. Not knowing that a sizzling griddle of steak might be hot. I love this country so much. Im going to do it. Im giving it the full twoguns bleep each other. Jon wow wow thats never been done been done before. Amazing. Jess what what whatdo you say . Im going with lady liberty driving a monster truck with pizza wheels on mount rushmore. Jon we have a winner. The applebys burn victim. Congratulationses and god bless. Nice job guys. Well be right back. cheers and applause what art thou drinking isaac . Giveth me a redds apple ale gravity whats that . . I have no idea. Redds apple ale. Also in new green apple. Woman its been a journey to get where i am. And i didnt get here alone. There were people who listened along the way. People who gave me options. Kept me on track. And through it all my retirement never got left behind. So today, im prepared for anything we may want tomorrow to be. Every someday needs a plan. Lets talk about your old 401 k today. All these Networks Keep making different claims. It gets confusing. Fastest, the strongest the most inyourfaceest. It sounds like some weird multiple choice test. Yea, but do i pick a, b, or c. For me its all of the above. I pick, like the best of everything. Verizon. I didnt. I picked a. Maybe c. And howd that work out for you . Not so well. Can i get a doover . Why settle for less when you can have, well, everything. And get 2 lines for 100. Verizon. Esurance was born online. Which means fewer costs, which saves money. Their Customer Experience is virtually paperless which saves paper, which saves money. They have smart online tools so you only pay for whats right for you which saves money. They settle claims quickly which saves time, which saves money. They drive an allhybrid claims fleet which saves gas, which saves money. They were born online, and built to save money, which means when they save, you save. Because thats how it should work in the modern world. Esurance. Backed by allstate. Click or call. Heineken light. The best light beer youve ever tasted. Or ill give you your money back. Not me. I wont. Someone will give you your money. Someone at heineken. Im guessing. Is it . cheers and applause jon welcome back. My guest tonight, he is a former navy seal. He is the founder of the the Mission Continues, also a bested selling author of resilience hardwon wisdom for living a better life. Please welcome back to the program, eric greitens. Sir. cheers and applause this book is crazy. Thanks. Jon its so good. Resilience hardwon wisdom for living a better life. These are letters that you correspondence that you wrote with a fellow seal. Yes. Jon who wassing if through an adjustment period as he came back to the state. Yeah, my buddy, zach walker. He went through the seal Team Training with me. Went off to afghanistan. Did a combat deployment. Came back home. Bought a concrete pumper started a business. Kind of welcomed home as this war hero. And then what happened jon is his life was hammered by hardship. His brother died. He lost his business, and one day he drove his truck truckinto his trief way he got out dropped to the ground because he thought there was a sniper watching him. He got up, ran into his house, and he realized he had posttraumatic stress disorder. And then what happened is that my buddy started drinking. Zach did nothing in moderation so on the weekend it was not a sixpack but a cooler full of beer and he called me after he had been arrest pd my buddy who was the navy seal war hero come home was an alcoholic on disability looking at the prospect of having his kids come visit him in jail. We talked that night after he called me and i got home and started writing hill a letter about resilience, how you deal with hardship and become letter, how you deal with pain and become wiser how you move through fear and build courage. And he wrote me back and forth and the book say series of letters to my friend who i love about how you can build resilience in your life because we all have tow deal with pain. We all have to deal with hardship. Jon its incredible to see. The letters are incredibly erudite. Incredibly heartfelt. Two men considered warriors really opening up. Was zach comfortable with that from the getgo . Or i mean, they span the letters from quoting aristotle to lessons in logging. Which frankly, is unusual. Yyes. Jon but how comfortable is, you know is he in opening up to even a brother, feign fellow seal, and knowing that it might be out there publicly . Look, its tough for anybody when you come back and youre struggling. He was a navy seal. He was on top of the world. And he was waking up every day he had missions to conduct. He had a team around him. He was proud. And now hes in this place, and i remember when he called me hes on the phone and hes just hes hurting. But he also what happens was you build a bond with people when you suffer together the way that we did. You build a bond with people when you serve together and you share together, and you study together. And he knew that i was going to be there for him. Just like i know that hed always be there for me. Jon right. So we were able to share with each, and i think through that process we both became stronger. Jon it was interesting, you know as you read it, some of the difficulties that you faced not just, you know, what you see in war or what you may do in war but also the feeling, when youre a seal you really are at if there is an allpro level of the military youre functioning as an allpro. Youre the top level of the military. And much like, lets say a pro athlete who his career is cut short i imagine theres a loss of that identity. Thats really hard to do. You were the best in the world at something, and now youre just another guy, and is that difficult for people to process . You know, its very hard for people when they come back. Its hard for pro athletes but its hard for people had they retire. Its hard for people when their kids leave for college, when people go through these transitions, for entrepreneurs when they lose a business. Its hard for people when they lose a loved one. Your sense of life in this moment where theres chaos and change ask theres difficulty and theres hardship all of these things come and people ask the question who am i going to be now . And thats the question that zach had to answer for himself. Jon i thought that was really interesting in there. There were a couple of tough love moments where youre talking about yeah, youve endured some crazy hardships but every does and not just in the military and if you go around your community you will find people who suffered deeper harder endured more than you had and you need to take lessons from that. And theyre doing that without your team around them, without your friends. I said there are people in your community dealing with cancer or people in your community who have lost kids or people in your community who are really struggling and who are waryors and in places of hardship. And when you step outside of yourself and you go out and you start serving, youre going to get stronger, zach, and youre going to see there are a lot of people out there who still need displu and i thought it was interesting, you made the point you can be resilient. You can live that better life, you can optimize who are you and is it still may not work out. There are no dpawrnts but that doesnt mean that you cant that you cant move towards optimize. Thats right. Life doesnt guarantee you anything. And everybodys going to deal with hardship, but what you can do is you can build resilience. And are you not responsible for everything that happens to you. Lots of difficult things can happen to you, but you are responsible for how you react to what happens to you. Jon right. And when zach started to let go of some of the executions that were holding him back and started takes responsibility hes doing phenomenal now. Jon after reading this book i think im now a navy seal. Is that how it works . Will you stick around because i want to talk a little more about the Mission Continues and some of the other things youre doing. Resilience. On the bookshelves right now. Eric greitens. cheers and applause you could win an out of the blue party with a rockstar, like charli xcx. Follow us on twitter and hashtag out of the blue with a picture of pepsi. Ahh, nothing like the peace and quiet of a beach escape. Funny, there was no mention of hail in the weather report. Go smell the roses. Lewis. And clark . Brian do you think it was power goop that helped us trek through nearly 8,000 miles of uncharted wilderness . No . Right all we had to eat was meat, cheese and nuts. Take this. It has protein youll need for your journey. I was going to jog on the treadmill for 30. Fortnights . Minutes. Hmm. sigh good luck with that. P3 from oscar mayer. Its 13 grams of protein from the original source. Tmobile is breaking the rules of wireless. And the Samsung Galaxy s6 edge is breaking the rules of design. Cant get your hands on it because youre locked down by a carrier . Break free tmobile will pay every penny of your switching fees. Get ahead of the curve and get your hands on the galaxy s6 edge for 0 down at tmobile today. Do you regularly wear underwear . Do you wear underwear . laugh yeah yes laugh i never wear underwear. Is that too much information . Yes now, do you think you can get too much information from your car . No this is an email from my car. There are 100s of diagnostics that the vehicle gathers and sends to me. Does anyone want to meet the sender of this email . This is a 2015 chevy malibu. I love it. cheers and applause . Jon thats our show. Here it is, your moment of zen. So were going to be very aggressive on that issue as well as on the geographic preferences oh come on. Just let it go. Sorry about that. Tosh. 0 features videos from the internet and is intended for a mature audience. Comedy central does not condone the activities performed and discourages anyone from attempting them. Enjoy. [bleep] thats what you get for being a blond adult male. Welcome to tosh. 0. The only things that are certain in life are death, taxes, and that prints are extremely charming on me. Tonight, i hang out with this human popup ad, i show you why its an honor to lie for your country and we come up with some Simple Solutions to rehydrate california. Now, quick, get him to the beauty parlor
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