Fireworks out the yinyang. laughter but fairs fair. There were some results. President obama and president xi jinping of china announced a major deal on climate change. The worlds two biggest polluters agree to reduce their Carbon Emissions. Jon oh pie god, thats i had no idea that was going to happen. Less Carbon Emissions from the two of the Worlds Largest polluters. This calls for a celebration. No, that no, that no, no, no. The fireworks things is actually working okay. I think this deal is going to call for a bit of a cultural shift. But listen, great, so obviously you cant do anything real about the environment without china on board. Which brings us to our next issue. Chinese gangs are being accused of smuggling huge amounts of ivory from tanzania, with the official of their officials. Chinese Embassy Staff were major buyerses of the ivory. The consignments were sent to china in diplomatic bags on the president ial plane. Jon ivory sent in diplomatic bags. What what is that in my bag . Nothing no, its not an el fants tusks, its a giant dildo. laughter jon not made of ivory. I have this thing for incredibly oversized dildoes. If you will excuse me, the punisher and i have to catch a plane. How you could, china providing a market for illegal poachers. I dont know how you, china, can even look at yourself in your incredibly intricately carved ivory. What kind of soul of a country with be the largest Retail Market. The United States is the second largest Retail Market for elephant ivory. Hello. laughter wait, how can that possibly be . Unless the i stands for ivory. laughter i always thought it was needless to say our insatiable hunger for ivory trinkets, did you enjoy that, our in insatiable hunger for ivory trinkets is having a catastrophic impact on the ivorys original owners. 100,000 elephants were killed for their tusks over just three years. The animals have reached a tipping point. With more elephants killed each year than those being born. If it continues, they will be wiped out. Jon all right. We have two options, people. Either we as humans can decrease our consumption of ivory by no longer buying trinkets we dont even need. For an elephant to use that and start shooting out pups like i mean chop chop, will fants, your careers can wait. Come on. Start [bleep] come on look, clearly were to the going to save elephants because it is the right thing to do. Thats just not us. So sweeten the pot. Whats in it for us, the tuskless. Terrorist groups have another source of fast cash to buy guns and fund the rest of their illegal activities. Theyre slaughtering african elephants and selling the ivory tusks for a lot of money. Only 1. 6 tusks would be required to fund a spectacular double terrorist attack on two embassies in east africa. Jon so youre saying elephants can keep us from being vk dk can speed us being victims in a terrorist attack. We will take off our shoes at airports to prevent terrorism, surely we can stop buying souvenir ivory figurines made in the likeness of the ivory donor. Apparently ivory money is funding almost every civil war, genocidal militia and terrorist group in africa, from al shabaab to boko haram. This didnt we ban ivory imports if in 1989, to which i would say laughter i was not aware of that. But we did. We did ban it but that will be loopholes in it. You have been able to walk the streets of new york and find ivory for sale. If you are a cop and say i think your ivory is illegal, the first thing that the ivory seller will say to you is no, no, no, mine is antique. Jon oh, antique ivory is grandfathered, that is the loophole. Guess what, thats not how our laws work. You cant say gee, officer, that cocaine was purchased by my grandmother in 1912. So i think were good here. You know what. Back then people were polite and had respect. Would you like the cocaine . Thats why earlier this year the Obama Administration proposed a new ban on all commercial ivory sales within the United States. And stricker documentation requirements for antiques. The new regulation effectively change the burden of proof. Exactly right. It shifts the burden of proof from the government to the holder of the ivory to prove any ivory they have is an antique. Jon you know democrats will enforce these rules, there are no animals they wont protect, that is why thousands of set aside in prezfbs. But republicans, republicans . Except accept a new regulation from the Obama Administration, even one designed to save their beloved mascot. laughter you have terrorists and rebel groups capitalizing on this trade. We need very aggressive action. I find it horrendous that people are doing this in the 21st century. laughter jon we just witnessed something rarer in nature than the african elephant. Bipartisan commitment to an issue. No cheers and applause but of course, it makes sense. It makes the all sense. Elephants get preserves, terrorist get denied funding, what kind of an ass would be opposed it. We are trying to defeat the ivory ban rz oh nr. Is there anything that you would keep trying to kill that would keep other things. Why would you be against something that keeps illicit airports out of terrorist. It is also an firearm issue. You just inherited, is worth its. It is going to drive the price of ivory up. Make the owners criminal. It is going to hurt americans. Jon so i guess the only thing that should be hurt are giant land mammals and victims of african terrorism. You know what, why are you sitting in a studio yaking in a radio, that cant put a dent in this. No lawmakers is going to take the bathe. For those who are concerned that this administration is trying to take away our guns, well, this regulation could actually do that. Ive introduced legislation s2587. The lawful ivory protection act of 2014 to stop this misguided policy from going forward. [bleep]. Jon see, this is why we cant have nice things. Like elephants. Than ever why now is the best time to be on verizon. One verizons the largest, most reliable 4g lte network in the country. Thats right america. With xlte in over 400 markets. Two and heres something for families to get excited about. Our best pricing ever get 2 lines with an incredible 10gb of data to share for the low price of 110 or just 140 for a family of 4 and three get 150 credit for every line you switch. The more you switch, the more you get. Verizon. Guinness master brewers tproudly introduce new guinness blonde american lager. Deliciously crisp and flavorful, brewed with mosaictm and willamette american hops and using centuries old guinness brewing artistry and traditions. The First Addition in the new guinness discovery series. Discover a new age of brewing excellence for yourself. New guinness blonde american lager. Jon welcome back to the show. You know we cover a lot of. Community organizers were on the ground in their neighborhoods canvassing to encourage people to get out and vote. One of the volunteers, the woman you see here in the purple hoodie sweatshirt is minneapolis mayor betsy hodges. Shes posing for a photo with another volunteer named neff ill gordon. Jon that is awesome, grass roots democracy at its finest. Or to put that another way. This is a photo of minneapolis mayor betsy hodges arm in arm with a man flashing what Law Enforcement agencies tell sus a known gang side for a north side gang. laughter jon thats a gang sign. All this time ive been the lead in for a in the oruous gang member. laughter incredible. You know what, thats it i dont want that gang member, i want that guy gone by the end of the year. laughter anyway, eye witness news 5 is faking this story very seriously. Tonight Law Enforcement sources alerted to us a photo that has them fuming over the actions of minneapolis mayor. They want to know item mayor would take a picture with a convicted criminal while he and the mayor flash gang signs. laughter jon i think its obvious. To warn clown ass bitches, not to snitch. laughter just not a sentence i say a lot. How on earth can the Mayors Office explain this blatt ept endorsement of criminal activity . A spokesperson concludes by saying quote she and the man in the photo are just pointing at one another to which the head of the Police Union Says shes been around long enough, she knows better. Jon come on she has held lechive office since 2005. Whereas pointing as a gesture only goes back to literally the very first form of human communication. By the way, that of course no, do not encourage notorious gang kingpin huggie the mayor was doing Voter Registration work with a man who wasnt in a gang and was brazenly flashing a notgang sign. So how did this get painted as a gang thing. One month ago she took a strong position on Law Enforcement and community relations. She wrote this in an open letter to the community. Quote some officers abuse the trust that is afforded it to them. And take advantage of their roles to do harm rather than prevent it. Oh, i get it. This isnt so much about the mayor flashing this sign, as it is about the police flashing this sign at the mayor. Anyway, the cops are mad. Because the mayor criticized their conduct. When they came across this picture they told everyone that it was actually this picture. Which means unfortunately, its time to once again update our list of innocent things black people do that look suspicious. laughter hold on, hold on. Here we go. Dont wear a hoodie, dont carry skittles. Dont carry keys, dont reach for a wallet. Dont drive in a car in a nice neighborhood. Dont drive in a car. Dont be a passenger in a car. Dont knock on a white persons door. And now dont point. Which of course for gods sakes mean black people, whatever you do, stay away from sporting events. Well be right b b introducing nexium 24hr finally, the purple pill, the 1 prescribed acid blocking brand, comes without a prescription for frequent heartburn. Get complete protection. Nexium level protection™ cant wait to get the next big thing . Come to tmobile and get the Samsung Galaxy note 4 for zero down. Grab the hottest phone around, for zero down and zero waiting and zero annual Service Contracts only at tmobile. Stuck in a contract . Well even buy you out of it. So why wait . Switch now and get the Samsung Galaxy note 4 for zero down. Im gonna be the perfect mom. Herman . Just like in the movies. Ill be the one person my daughter can always trust. Making memories that last a lifetime. I should totally start a blog. Life can surprise you. So can an allstate agent. With accident forgiveness they can make sure your rates dont go up after one. Because everyone has an off day. The good hands are doing more than ever before. To us, it means giving you a wide selection of products. The best advice. The best service. And an unbeatable price with our price match guarantee. Expert service. Unbeatable price. Best buy. Jon welcome back. My guest tonight, oh, gentleman has a new film out called foxcatcher im really sorry about your mother. Oh no, no, no, its fine, its fine. Are you okay . Yes. Are you sure. David, theres a lot of work to do in the next couple of months. And youre an integral part of that, understand. I understand. Im going to need you. And i will be relying on you to a great extent. I want more than anything to win a gold medal. Jon welcome back to the program, steve carell. applause steve carell. Youre going to have to explain something to me. I will need some help here. So i go, an this is something, a dont mean in no way to be disrespectful. I go to see the movie foxcatcher. It is a brilliant movie, wonderful movie. The performances are incredible. Youre not in it. No. Jon i dont see, i watch the whole thing, they keep telling me steve carell he is great in this you wont believe it, hes so good. I know you, youre not in this. No i am not. Jon you werent in that. I looked all over there is a gentleman in it who is tell me about that. Jon he plays this character dupont who is sort of a twisted eccentric, rich, plays it, its not even acting. Its being. Does he disappear. Jon let me tell you something, im watching it, with pacino, al and i went to the movie. Al turns to me in the middle of it, i dont know who that guy is, but im quitting. Because that guy is so acting. What would they call t good. Acting good acting. It is ridiculous, dude. Did you have any when you watch it, does it even feel like you . Do you answer remember it . It is an incredible performance. I will admit t was weird. It was weird. We wept away for three months and that was three hours every day getting into that stuff. And it was strange. This real guy, and we modelled after this real guy. Jon the gestures, the voice, everything. And it doesnt feel, you know im talking you watch a movie and go oh, look at that guy, actoring, doesnt feel like that at all. Thanks. Jon its like inhabiting. And you were here for years and i never thought you were talented. You were, you know, we we would have you out there, you are eating crisco, youre getting drunk, youre in shorts. You know. I know. Why didnt you say anything . I tried but you would never listen. Can i just say, i saw jon stewarts movie. Yes, he did see that. And it is equally remarkable and fantastic. Jon you know what we should do . Heres what we do. Im serious. Jon heres what we do. Lets have a fawn off. All right. Jon your acting shakespeare from the grade got an erection watching your movie. I have never seen a director achieve in any movie in history what you were able to achieve in the movie road watcher. Honestly, honestly t is, i know you are trying are you block, jon. Jon come on. Because you dont want you dont want me to embarrass you. Jon no, im very proud of it. It is fantastic. Jon thank you so much. He came to see it in telluride t was the first time we showed it to a crowd. And we saw steve come out through the crowd, it really, like i got watery. Like you came up and i was just like i know, i know. What are we doing here. Jon i know. Had you been to telluride previously. No, i hadnt. Jon its 50,000 feet above sea level. I felt like, tell me if you fell like this when i got off, there is gondolas that take you places because you cant walk. I remember to the being able to breathe but everybody else was walking. I felt like i was in a Science Fiction movie. Everybody was fine. You need a mask, some sort of oxygen mass stock walk around. Jon i wanted to grab people and go dont you see theyre suffocating us . Yeah. You just have a perpetual headache up there. Beautiful, though yz it is beautiful. We think, or maybe that was a hallucination. When you when you go through this and inhabit Something Like this a dark place for three months. And are you not a dark individual. I have known you for a long time. Are you not, right now maybe. But or what question dow want to answer . Its up to you whatever question. But do you understand . Youre just a good person. I would think its difficult to live in that for a while. It was strange. Actually, we shot it in pittsburgh and im glad, i went home on the weekends. But it is a weird thing. And not to sound too actory or methoddy, but you kind of stay in it. Not like i was Walking Around in character the whole time, but you stay in that, and its pretty heavy and dark. Jon the kids are too young to see this. Oh, yeah, it would not be it wouldnt be a good thing to see dad doing that. Jon you know what will be awesome though when they are like 18 and acting up a little bit. And you go look at this put on the dvd player. And i will sit behind them going laughter jon well, i got to tell you, it is remarkable. And im going a this and i know you dont want to hear it, but heres how good it was. Oscar, the statue will open his arms for steve carell. cheers and applause foxcatcher. In the theatres on friday. Steve carell. Steve carell [barking] ooh whos a good dog [barking] hey. Whoa no hard feelings, ok . Crazy good good morning. Morning. [beep] your morning could use a hand. Taco bells steak and egg a. M. Crunchwrap with a hash brown inside. A whole breakfast in one hand. [bong] as strongbow hard] acider, better. But strongbow over ice is the best. Enjoying strongbow over ice with your slow motion horse, the bestest. Strongbow, worlds number one hard cider. Jon thats our show. If you get a chance, tomorrow night, thursday night were going to do what they call a sneak preview of the film rose water and simulcast it to a bunch of theatres and afterwards Young Stephen colbert who is a talented interviewer will talk to me and the journalist. Get a chance to join us for that, great. If not, we will see you tomorrow at 11 00. If not, your moment of zen. To fight the 230 particular she got on halloween day a caused with dozens of other drivers of not stopping to let a six foot four donald duck cross captioning sponsored by comedy central
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