Since they very innocently crashed our entire economy through purposeful and fraudulent activities [laughter] banks and the bankers who bank them [laughter] have weathered attacked from all corners. The government is waging war on banks. They say wall street is guilty that your fortunes are where they are now because of wall street. People want to see bankers in handcuffs going to prison. Jon as as though seeing them punished appropriately would be somehow just or right. [ laughter ] well, guess what . The vampires finally got their blood. His name is kareem and his bankers lied about the Mortgage Backed security and he knew about that and looked the other way so he was guilty. Jon huh. Lie being the value of mortgagebacked securities and looking the other way i think was the slogan for one of those companies, wasnt it . Why is he the only person to have gone to jail for that activity . He pled guilty and he is now in prison. Jon oh, he want to jail for stupidity. Doesnt he know, pleading guilty is now how you address the common charges. Jp morgan settled charges with the government but they are not admitting wrongdoing. Goldman sachs settled for 550 million without admitting wrongdoing. Ubs agreed to pay about 50 million. Under the terms of settlement ubs did not admit any wrongdoing. Jon thats how we do. [laughter] you say when you are caught, while i clearly have done nothing wrong, i know you are a busy man and your time is valuable so here is a Little Something for your troubles, you know what i mean . Get the governments wife something nice, maybe a tennis bracelet. Hey, gabbagoul. [ laughter ] but as wall street suffers, the real perpetrators of financial district wrongdoing continue to pay no price. Talking about occupy wall street. Im sorry. Im sorry. Mic check. Im talking about. Im talking. About occupy about occupy, wall street, wall street. [ laughter ] really you are going to bleep do that, really . They really did become the peoples mic phone. These occupy wall streeters after victimizing wall street job creators by drumming in their general have sinity, by wag their fingers in a threatening manner or crudely marketing the pepper spray with their faces. The occupiers have gotten off scott free. Except for the mass arrests and previously mentioned pepper spray. My point is not one occupier has been sentences to longterm prison time. Thats right. Its [laughter] wall street. One guy in jail. Occupy [laughter] until yesterday. An occupy wall street activist whose arrest went viral facing up to seven years in prison. Jon woo an occupier has finally been sent to jail. The arc of the moral universe is long. But it pends to mother bleep justice. [laughter] thats right. Its its 11. What crime did this occupy protester commit . I blet they served gluten at the gluten free table or shelfed c before z in the Public Library because Everybody Knows alphabetical order say system im being told that my mansplaining failed to check my privilege. She was found guilty of assaulting a Police Officer in 2012 and it was all caught on video. Jon okay, yeah you cant do. That theyll arrest you for that dont think that the police didnt also get in trouble when they assaulted protesters, too. Remember this aka tony baloney who peppered protester whys with enthusiasm rarely scene outside of chipotle. He was punished, too. He lost Vacation Days and got reassigned to Staten Island where he is from. [ laughter ] so not so much a sentence as being released back to his natural habitat. Sort of like the end of free willy. Tony baloney couldnt be more at home in Staten Island unless his name was jimmy pepperoni hey, im walking over here. Joining Social Security samantha bee. Thank joining us is samantha bee. Ive never seen the acronym before fvu. Its the financial victims unit, jon. [laughter] jon that was weird, what the hell was that . That was my dramatic thing. Im down here on wall street where everyone is breathing a sigh of relief now that s. Ly mcmillen aka the menace is finally off the streets. Jon this must have been a very difficult time for the wall streeters to know that she was out there and capable of letting them know from across the street how much she disapproved of them. Jon, you dont know the half of it. Because of the actions of criminals like ms. Mcmillen a lot of high ranking basic executives lost their homes. Jon they lost their home . They are piedterres. They didnt lose them but had to relocate because of drumming and many of bankers are in recovery from suffering from ptid. Jon ptid . Post traumatic inconvenience disorder. [laughter] but if justice is to truly be served we have to fix this terrible inequalate. Jon what is the inequality here, sam . Put your glasses on, old man because the jail terms are falling disproportionately on the financial sector. Jon not true. Its exactly even for the etire meltdown. One wall streeter went to jail and one occupier went to jail. Even steven, i guess would you say. Wasnt this about 99 against 1 . That means one banker is worth 9 protesters 99 protesters. By my count that puts us to justice. Sting me. Am rich. My Social Circle includes captains of industry, former secretaries of state, oil tycoons, and ambassadors of countries known for their fine cheeses. Yes i am rich. Thats why i drink the champagne of beers. Which will cause me to miss the end of the game. The x1 entertainment operating system lets your watch live tv anywhere. Can i watch it in Butterfly Valley . Sure. Can i watch it in glimmering lake . Yep. Here, too. What about th dark castle . You call that defense . come on [ female announcer ] watch live tv anywhere. The x1 entertainment operating system, only from xfinity. [cheers and applause] jon welcome back. [cheers and applause] now we all know that two gay men in a loving committed relationship poses a threat to our american way of life. We always assumed that two gay ladies were okay with us. But we find out otherwise in tonights special edition of gay watch, lesbian lifecycle. First [laughter] we begin [laughter] i dont know if thats a stock photo or not but [laughter] we begin with one of most important milestones in a womans life. You meet someone, in this case another woman, you fall in love and you get married and then and only then if you are ready . The judge ruled that two San Antonio Women married in another state can legal gi legally get a divorce here in texas. [cheers and applause] jon they did it. [cheers and applause] true disdain really does conquer all. Congratulations. The case could have ripple effects because the state of texas does not recognize samesex marriage and in this case is recognizing samesex divorce. Jon that could be a slippery slope. It could open the door to same sex trial separations, same sex bar mitzvahs. Its a slopery slope. Why do they need a divorce if the state doesnt consider them married. Allison hasnt seen her daughter shortly after she and her wife decided to separate. Jon she needs to get divorce to get the legal right to see her kid. Her wife asked the court to toss the case since gay marriage isnt legal in texas but late tuesday the judge denied that request. Jon wow, taking advantage of the states homophobic marriage laws just to get back at your ex. Its impressive to see a lesbian pulling such a dick move. That is [cheers and applause] nice. Nice. On to the next stage in the psych. Of a lesbians life. Retirement a joyful reflective time though less so when said retirement was not voluntary. Chris tal more in South Carolina said she was fired after 23 years on the force because of her sexual orientation. But was she . Some residents believe firing crystal was payback. They investigated the most recent hire. The mayor neglected to conduct a background check on sellers. Jon if he had run a becomeground check the mayor would have fund out that he crashed his car in a ditch while drunk driving. It is possible its not a case of homophobia and instead small town cronyism. He was secretly recorded. I would much rather have somebody who drank and drank too much taking care of my child than i have somebody who whose lifestyle is question able around schirn. Jon okay homophobia it was. His child care hierarchy is. This his first choice, exwife, second choice 15yearold down the street with add. Then drunk guy, then mental patient, then toronto crack smoking mayor ray ford and then figment of his imagination and then and only then a responsible lesbian who runs an accredited child care facility. Why cant a lesbian take care of your child . Because that aint the day way its supposed to be. Jon says it right there in the bible. God sayth unto moses, you should leave thy son to be watched by ye who drunkenly abandoned his car in a ditch. Lesbians cant take part in every day life even the bad parts like divorce and work. Tell me they are treated well at the end of her life cycle. A navy vet is mourning the death of her late wife and also mourning something else. The state run Veterans Cemetery where taylor opens to be buried some day is refusing to bury her with her wifes remains. Jon ye you bleep . Congratulations idaho you figured out how to screw gay people from beyond the grave. A veteran nonetheless. This woman better not be adorable or you are in trouble. She was hoping they would approve it since their ashes could be put together. Its not taking up any more space. I dont see where the ashes of of a couple of old lesbians is going to hurt anybody. Jon you are telling me you dont want to see that sweet old lady, burned to ashes and placed in [laughter] point is just let her do what she wants. Well be right gigantic, gigantic, gigantic a big, big love gigantic, gigantic, gigantic a big, big love land speed record nine times. What was he chasing . What are you chasing . Beer. Dog. Music. Yikes. Skip track, please. Im hungry. Impossible . Maybe, but honeywells latest innovation gives me hope. Hello, thermostat . Hello. Please say a command. Im feeling hot. Changing set point to 68 degrees the wifi thermostat that listens, learns, saves. From honeywell. What kind of beer do you want . Get me a. Get me a redds apple ale. Yea. Me too. Redds apple ale. Crisp like an apple. Brewed like an ale. [cheers and applause] jon welcome back. My guest tonight is the professor of law emeritus at yale university. His book is called why government fails so often and how can it can do better. Please welcome to the program peter schuck. Sir, how are you . [cheers and applause] thank you for being here. This, this, this, this, why government fails so often and how we can do better. Why is this not more a part of National Conversation . Why do you think the National Conversation is so tied up in conflict and partisan rhetoric and not the business of governance . Well, a few reasons. One reason is that people would rather talk about what they wish would happen, the world should be, rather than the way it actually is, the way it works out in reality. Most of us are like that. Secondly, the government doesnt want to know in many cases why its programs do so poorly. Jon do they have what are the mechanisms of government to assess that . What are the metrics they use and what do they even do to assess it . Theres a few agencies like the gao and Congressional Budget Office and sphectors general inspectors general of various departments, they do periodic assessments of programs but only when Congress Asks them to do that or directs them to do that. They have a number of methodologies, cost effectiveness is usually the main criterion. Jon are the finings utilizes or implemented . Thisser published. Jon their just published. [laughter] well thats very lovely. Like my book. Jon exactly your book is published. Its perfect. [cheers and applause] what you did which is long overdue is you try to find a way to attach value to the programs. You hear from i think for people who still believe government has an Important Role to play in improving peoples lives and we watch them not be able to do the simplest of tasks like process veteran Health Claims in an efficient way is disheartening. On the other side people say its too big and you have to cut money without attaching bigness or money to any value that may be provided. You had a segment about the v. A. And the coverup that occurred after it was revealed. People watched this for a long time knowing the v. A. Backlogs are terrible. Really terrible. They are reduce and once they are reduced its like a highway. You reduce congestion and more people come on. Jon why do they have such trouble reforming clearly failing or inefficient systems . Its not that clear to a lot of people. People who support the programs can find lots of reasons to think that they are succeeding and there are interests who want home it do more of the same. So it requires people, like me, and other people who will actually go and look at the data really carefully and make some judgments judgments about whether it works or not. Jon you mentioned a homestead act as a program that was cost efficient. A resource was given by the federal government to a group of people for a particular purpose. That is considered a success. It was a relatively easy case because the land was basically free except for the indians who happened to live there. Jon sure. And were massacred along the way jnch im sure on their the daily show they are having a different conversation. [laughter] that was easy didnt cost anybody anything reelsy except for the native americans. Jo you could really end every conversation about this country with that phrase, by the way. So it worked . Except for the native americans. [ laughter ] what about something a little wonkier Social Security . Its been a Successful Program but its going insolvent. Fortunately with Social Security there are relatively straightforward fixes that could be done. You can extend the retirement age, you can tax upper income recipients. People like you. Jon kick it in, baby im ready. You are not 65 yet. It doesnt matter. Jon you have no idea what is going on inside my body. Im about 93. [ laughter ] you can increase the wages that are taxable. There are lots of ways to do it. Jon do you have a sense that what needs to be done is say more active management of these programs or there has to be a more fundmental change in the way we view the implementation of policy . I think its both. Its not just active management. The management is often very interior. Our bureaucracy has been debased and degraded over time. Theres a terrible morale problem. Jon its a management problem. The people i talk to in the bureaucracy are generally pretty good hearted, pretty much want to do the right thing but dont have the marching orders. Theres much more layering of political appointees on top of them. They dont have the same sense of mission they used to. Have in used to have. In the book i looked at how the bureaucracy is functioning. Its deep crisis. Jon were in the deep crisis. Were on the precipice of collapse. Were going to commercial, youll be on the web and tell us how to fix it and youll have three minutes. Why government fails so often. This is the book. These are the conversations that i News Networks should be having. They dont. Jon yeah, no. Peter schuck. Well be right back. [cheers and applause] thanks. Mmm, actually it does get ready for summer with a frozen, fruitflavored dunkin coolatta. Pick up any small coolatta for just 1. 99. Well pay your early termination fees. So you can get the new galaxy s5 for 0 down. Honestly, the offseason isnt ive got a lot to do. Thats why i got my surface. Its great for watching game film and drawing up plays. Its got onenote, so i can stay on top of my todo list, which has been absolutely absurd since the big game. With skype, its just really easy to stay in touch with the kids i work with. Alright, russell you are good to go alright, fellas. Alright, russ. Back to work the original 96 calorie pilsner and that changed everything this led to people counting calories which led to counting carbs which led to counting crunches which led to 8 minute abs which led to 7 minute abs which led to ab masters thigh masters and butt masters which led to the realization that the best place to get a 6 pack is the liquor store miller lite we invented lite beer and the perfect six pack youre welcome yo,move fast fruit flavor,fe, watermelon, blue razz green apple. Your taste buds dancing. Its the jolly rancher, we make it happen. Untamed fruit flavor. Jolly rancher. What is this place . Where are we . This is where we bring together the Fastest Internet and the best in entertainment. We call it the x1 entertainment operating system. It looks like the future he has a phaser its not a phaser its my phone he can use his voice to control the tv. You can use your woice . My voice. Your woice. My voice. Vuh, voice. His voice. Your woice . Look. Watch scifi. [ female announcer ] the x1 entertainment operating system, only from xfinity. [cheers and applause] jon thats our show. Here it is your moment of zen. Dont forget this was prior, prior to Osama Bin Laden being taken down. And the thought was and the discussion was is president obama going into the reelection soft on terror or not . A lot of people are saying it was i want to know whats going on with the huge woman, and i want to know what the deal is with the red witch lady. Yes. Yes. Yes. [laughs] i would too. You know what im saying . [laughing] straight out. No, but i mean, like, have you . Have youhave you ever slept with a black guy . No, but i really want to. [laughs] me too apparently, it is, like, a whole other thing than sleeping with white men. Oh, no, no. I heard theyre supposed to be, like, way better at it or something. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that too. I wonder if its cause they have, likelike, better rhythm, you know . Right, cause theyre really good dancers. I mean, apparently, they have, like, bigger oh, way bigger penises, right . [laughs]
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