audience chanting Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen well come to the report thank you some for joining us cheers and applause thanks for being here cheers and applause we have a lot of work to do. A lot to get done. For those of you watching this show on a memory cube, thousands of years in the future, i want to ever you a hardy bleep blorp for joining us. laughter for those of you sharing the present chronosphere, its day seven of the Global Pandemic that some are call ebolapalooza. laughter not many. Just me so far. But its going to catch on. You can smell the fear, thanks to heroes like cnn who asked the question, ebola the i. S. I. S. Of biological agents . Yes, it is. Without a doubt. Scientists have long compared diseases to murderous madmen. Thats why epidemiologists call tuberculosis lung hitler. laughter one person who is irresponsibly calm is president barack ebola. Just listen to how the administration plans to ward off the rage virus. The Obama Administration is taking new action to prevent the spread of ebola. President obama said monday that Airline Passengers traveling from the ebola hot zone will soon undergo additional screening at both ends of their journeys. Stephen well, im glad theyre checking at both ends because thats where the ebola squirts out. laughter but im sorry. applause big round of applause for bodily fluids tonight this is a hot crowd. cheers and applause theyre not taking it seriously enough because youre not taking it seriously enough. The latest polls show only 11 of americans are very worried about being infected by ebola. And its not my fault because ive done my part to make you shart. And i wanna know how im doing. Go to colbert nation and take my poll the colbert worried poll how worried are you about the unstoppable virus thats just seconds away from infecting everyone you love . Somewhat . Very . Or hazmat bubble prevents me from clicking on answer . laughter well calculate the results and make them available tomorrow for the gangs of feral bandits searching through charred walmarts for clues as to what ended humanity. humming i was just enjoying a big mac hamburger sandwich from americas favorite hamburger sandwich restaurant, mcdonalds. The fast food megachain was founded in 1955 by ray kroc. Who became so famous that he had to spend the rest of his life hiding in a purple suit. laughter and ray krocs ray krocs very first mcdonalds was located in des plaines, which is in the subject of the 80th installment of my 434part series, better know a district. Tonight, illinois 8th. The fightin 8th cheers and applause the 8th is home to the World Headquarters of motorola. In 1983, they released the worlds first Consumer Cellular phone, the dynatac , which quickly became more popular than the phone booth, despite being slightly larger than one. laughter the 8th is also home to not one by two ikeas. The Schaumburg Ikea and the bollingbrook ikea. They were only going to build one ikea, but after they finished the first one, they had enough parts left over to build a second. laughter cheers and applause famous residents of the 8th include harold gray, cartoonist and creator of the comic strip little orphan annie. The story of a redheaded scamp who was so poor she had to sell her pupils for food. And who has the mcnuggets to represent this district . Its none other than congresswoman tammy duckworth. I sat down with representative duckworth in her washington office. Thank you for talking with me today. Good to be with you, stephen. Stephen thank you for wearing your mad max jacket. Do you like it . Stephen i do. You were born in bangkok. Are you an american congresswoman . My father served in vietnam and met and married my mother. Stephen the thai people would be proud of you. The thai are from taiwan. Stephen if we agreed on how to secure the borders, how would you do so . I think were doing a good job. Stephen do you believe in a wall . If the wall makes somebody happy and its not then fine. But as long as you have comprehensive Immigration Reform stephen do you mean more than a wall by comprehensive . Because my plan is more than a wall. I say wall, mote, planes, fireproof alligators. Youve read the reports and im sure youve seen the reports on television that theyre bringing ebola into the united states. No, theyre not. Stephen i think i might have caught it already because when i look at these kids on the border i get a very weird clutching feeling in my throat, my heart sinks and my eyes begin to leak. Thats got to be ebola, i cant imagine what else. I think thats humanity. S that terrible . No. I think it means you actually care gla i did not kno. Stephen i did not know that. Switching gears. You were a helicopter pilot serving in which theater . Iraq. Stephen okay. And your helicopter was shot down, you lost both your legs and partial use of one of your arms. Yes. Stephen you said when you were recovering in the hospital that your spouse stayed by your side and you want gays and lesbians to have that right and someone being with them. That imply you think its right for gays and lesbians to serve in the military. When i was shot down, bleeding to death in my helicopter, an american g. I. Came to carry me out. I didnt ask if he was straight or gay. I was just glad he was an american g. I. Stephen straight or gay . I know hes happily married. Stephen straight . Yes. Stephen so something you werent saying before, but i would like to pretend you were, we both think obamacare is a disaster. Okay . I like my Health Insurance i get through the Affordable Care act. Stephen you said you were disappointed in the implementation of the Affordable Care act and that it had flaws and is far from perfect. I think more americans today have Health Insurance than they did before the Affordable Care act took effect. Stephen you believe employers should cover their employees contraception . I think comploirs should provide Health Insurance where the employee can access contraception. Stephen whats the difference between that and throwing blankets ton conference table and saying go at it in the middle of the meeting . The biggest difference is its none of your business what your employee does in terms of their reproductive choice. Dont corporations have rights to their religious beliefs . I provide Birth Control for my employees because i am religiously opposed to maternity leave. I dont think you actually provide it. I think the insurance plans do. Stephen no, i actually provide it. I grind up the pills and put them in the water bottles. The men are growing breasts, though. Kind of nice, actually. laughter last question. You support sensible conversation on gun control. I do. Cant you have an even more sensible conversation if youve got guns . Because people get very quiet then and listen to what i have to say. Its not a conversation. A monologue. Yeah. So why do you want the take my gun. I dont want to take your gun, stephen, but we also should make sure that people who shouldnt be able to buy guns such as those with Mental Health issues, felons, should not have easy access. Regulation equal confiscation. I disagree with you there. But it rhymes. I guess. Accept your apology. Thank you so much for talking to me today. cheers and applause lets put illinois up on the big board wow so close to filling the whole map before the show ends i just have to do ten more of these segments every show well be right back meatball lovers rejoice. At subway. Where the mangalicious meatball marinara is now a famous 5 footlong. Bursting with italian seasonings and our signature marinara sauce, its a 5 footlong, all october long. Subway. Eat fresh. A lifeline for so many people. It is more than a community. It is a family. Theres always a hug. Youre friends for life. When i needed guidance, and i needed support, living beyond Breast Cancer was there. Last year, 5hour Energy Raised over 340,000 for living beyond Breast Cancer. Purchase this specially marked bottle now through december 31st, and a portion of the proceeds will help Breast Cancer survivors live beyond their diagnosis. Right here. Innovation starts. With a control pad that can read your handwriting, a widescreen multimedia center, and a headup display for enhanced driver focus. All inside a newly redesigned cabin of unrivaled style and comfort. The allnew cclass. At the very touch point of performance and innovation. To help entertain some friends at the beach. Before earning 1 cash back everywhere, every time. And 2 back at the grocery store. Even before he got 3 back on gas. All with no hoops to jump through. Rafael was inspired to use his bankamericard cash rewards credit card to spend a night watching the stars, under the stars. Thats the beauty of rewarding connections. Apply online or at a bank of america near you. Anncr the great thing many breakfast options. You did a great job. It looks good anncr . Is theyre right next to our many other breakfast options. Just another good reason to book now. Feel the hamptonality cheers and applause stephen hey, well come, wel, everybody nation, they say laughter is the best medicine, but i say, if you take the right medicine, everything seems funny. This is Cheating Death with dr. Stephen t. Colbert, d. F. A. cheers and applause wheres the pretty lady . Oh first, a disclaimer im not a medical doctor. I have an honorary doctorate in fine arts. So i cant write prescriptions, but i can interpretively dance them. As always, Cheating Death is brought to you by prescott pharmaceuticals. Prescott kid tested. First up, pandemic health. Folks, as i mentioned in the a block, were in the midst of an ebola outbreak. Our only hope is an experimental drug called zmapp, which is our last chance, since weve already tried a through ymapp. And you will be surprised how zmapp is zmade. Scientists may be looking to tobacco plants for their cure. A Pharmaceutical Company used the plants to develop zmapp. It uses to back to plants to make three different compounds. Put them together and you get zmapp. Wouldnt it be wonderful if tobacco were used for health . Stephen yes, wouldnt it be wonderful if tobacco could cure ebola like it once cured uncoolness . laughter but folks, this aspiring miracle cure is far from perfect. The plants are chopped up finely, and the proteins are extracted through both physical and chemical filtration, so none of these medicines will give you a nicotine buzz. That is so disappointing to those of us who choose medications mostly for the awesome side effects. I may not suffer from depression, but i take abilify just for the dizziness and excess saliva. laughter the real tragedy. Here is that zmapp was so close to solving the biggest problem with all medicine forgetting to take it. Thats why prescott pharmaceuticals, in association with r. J. Reynolds, is rude to is proud to introduce vas cay vascaginia slims, the pioneering antiviral medication we guarantee will become a habit. Forget grandpas pill organizer after just a couple days, your nervous system will tell you when you need it. You will know its time for a dose when you snap at your kids for no reason. And sure, vascaginia slims are not made with the same antibodyladen tobacco zmapp uses. They go one step farther and give the ebola cancer, because whos got tougher lungs you or some virus . Side effects of the vascaginia slims include elevated heart weight, cancer and probably still ebola. Well, thats it for Cheating Death. Brought to you by prescott pharmaceuticals. Prescott mercuryfree since 2015 laughter until next time, ill see you in Health Cheers and a [thinking] started my camry. Went to the auction. Won a storage locker. Found an old guitar. Tracked down the previous owner. Reunited them. Hit the jackpot. The bold new camry. One bold choice leads to another. Toyota. Lets go places. Im almost done. [ male announcer ] now you can pay your bill. Manage your appointments. [ dog barks ]. And check your connection status. Anytime, anywhere. [ dog growls ] oh. So youre protesting . Okay. [ male announcer ] introducing xfinity my account. Available on any device. Stephen well come back my guest tonight is here to discuss the 100th anniversary of the liberal magazine the new republic. This Months Center fold, f. D. R. Again. Please well come Leon Wieseltier cheers and applause thank you so so much for being here. My pleasure. Stephen for those who may not know, you are a writer, critic, philosopher and long time editor of the new republic. Insurrections of the mind, 100 years of politics and culture in america. What does it mean to be a cultural critic . Do you have a critique of our present culture . Oh, i do, yes. I do. Its a very elaborate one. Yes. So stephen ten words or less. Ten words or less too much digital, not enough critical thinking, more physical reality. Stephen damn so youre one of them literary types. Mmhmm laughter stephen the magazine was founded 100 years ago. The beginning to have the progressive era. It was. Stephen whats the difference between a progressive and what we think of as a liberal today. Sometimes they get confused and limped together. The progressives are more to the left of us. Stephen of you . To the left of your hair . Actually, way to the left. This is centrist hair. laughter stephen who are some of the great minds who have insurrections of the mind . John cane, orson wells. Stephen cane economics i pay you to dig a hole, tomorrow i pay you to fill it in. Approximately. Stephen the people of the new republic are folks who believe in thinking, okay. Pretty outrageous, i know. Stephen it is. laughter not very popular these days. Sell me on thinking. laughter because i dont have to think much anymore. I can just feel, and i can also open any eyes and take the digital fire hose from my screen and watch videos and pictures of, you know, someones and mistake that for thinking. Stephen im preferring it. I understand. I understand why you would, but heres the reason, a democratic society, an open society places an extraordinary intellectual responsibility on ordinary men and women because we are governed by what we think, we are governed by our opinions, so the content and the quality of our opinions and the quality of the formation of our opinions is what basically determines the character of our society and that means in a democracy in an open society, a thoughtless citizen of a democracy is a delivering went citizen of a democracy. applause stephen i thought you were still filibustering. Im sorry. No. Stephen what about feeling . Human life will never suffer from too little feeling. We all feel all the time. Were mortal creatures. We have hearts. Stephen yes. The important thing is not to mistake our hearts for our minds. They do two different things. If we were only hearts or minds we would be monsters, but were both. So the role of the mind is to actually question some of the assumptions and dogmas and prejudices of the heart. Stephen and theres a third organ. I bet there is. Thank yo thank you for raising the level of the conversation. Stephen theres the mind, we should do Something Different then your heart, oh, how i feel about the things youre doing. And then theres my gut that tells me this is right. Right. Stephen i go with my gut because my gut is responsible for, you know, the actions that require courage, or my balls. Right. I see. All right. I see. Stephen my gut and my balls laughter my dput an gut and my balls areg my brain and my heart. Its very beautiful. Weve just met so im not going to discuss some of. This i agree with you about the gut but a gut requires education. I believe in educated guts. The important thing is we have reason force the beliefs and then we articulate and then defend the reasons. Stephen heres a reason for my beliefs. All right. Stephen they feel good. laughter it feels good to think that when i die i will go to heaven. That feels good. It feels good to think that i am right. That feels good. Well, you know that its preposterous to think that because one feels something that its the truth. Stephen no, its not true. Its truthy. Greater than truth. It is inasalable because my truth is based upon what i want to be true right. Stephen rather than anything the facts could possibly support. Your truth requires work, mine requires merely feelings. Ill beat you to the truth punch all the time. I congratulate you for living in a world entirely your own. Stephen thank you. Its called the colbert nation thank you so much laughter cheers and applause the new republic insurrections of the mind thank you so much you got to stay in shape for all the costumes. Whats that . You know like. Attractive nurse. Viking princess warrior. And foxy fullback can we go over the viking lady again . Whatever you are staying fit for, start with a low fat subway sub like the tender turkey. Subway. Eat fresh. We lovchocolaty, creamy. With a Little Something extra. Mmm deliciousness. Cookies or almonds. Yumminess. Hersheys is mine, yours, our chocolate. Anncvideoconferences its youof the day. Rtant hi hi, buddy anncr thats why the wifi and free hot breakfast are something to smile about. And good reasons to book now. Feel the hamptonality the allnew mercedesbenz gla took nearly 600lbs of high strength steel. Setting industryleading Safety Standards took 20,800 crash simulations. And perfecting its engine took over 1. 1 million miles of extreme driving. But, this may be the most impressive number of all. Introducing the allnew mercedesbenz gla. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Im spending too much time our hiringenter. And not enough time in my kitchen. Need to hire fast . Go to ziprecruiter. Com and post your job to over 30 of the webs leading job boards with a single click; then simply select the best candidates from one easy to review list. You put up one post and the next day you have all these candidates. Makes my job a lot easier. Over 100,000 businesses have already used zip recruiter and now you can use zip recruiter for free at a special site for tv viewers; go to ziprecruiter. Com offer77. cheers and applause stephen thats it for the report good night cheers and applause comedy cel captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org [feedback squeals] okay, we can hear me . Okay. Uh, good morning. Im here to kick off the first day of a new tradition at our School Called green week. What . First a month to black history, now, seven days on the irish. All this week, Greendale College is becoming so earthsmart that were changing our name to envirodale
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