Welcome to the report, good to see you. Folks, i got to tell you, its not just the energy in this room. I feel it too. You know, i love going i love going on vacation. It is great to be back after two weeks. I spent the fourth of july holiday celebrating a steamy anniversary with my lover, america. laughter i got him the same present as every year, scrap meat and explosives. But sadly it wasnt all party time. You see, before vacation i was swept up in world cup fever riding high riding high on team usas thrilling series of winning, tying and losing. laughter but then we faced our h he eternal enemy, belgium. Or as i call it europe rhode island. laughter and those wafflesucking sort of frenchies. Crushed us like we were then in every world war. laughter and with america out of the picture it all came down to a death match between germany and argentina. Naturally i assumed it would be decided based on which country has the post living nazi war criminals. Too close to call. So instead laughter it was decided with the thrilling sight of a chest volley goal in extra time followed by the terrifying sight of germans celebrating victory. Kuz that never turns bad. Of course this cup final has special meaning in vatican city, because pope francis is from argentina and livein grand Pope Benedict is from germany. So deutschelands win means benedict is pope again cheers and applause byebye frank. Dont let the 20 foot gilded door hit you where the good lord splittia. And nation if there is one thing i have always said about our president barack obama, is that hes an ineffectual weak ling in mom jeans. But if theres a second thing ive said its that hes an imperial tyrant with an ire fist in mom jeans. laughter and facing the last two years of his life long rule, obama has sworn to use executive orders to ram his nefarious agenda down americas gull et. We are not just going to be waiting for legislation in order to make sure that were providing americans the kind of health that they need. Ive got a pen and ive got a phone. Stephen hes got a pen and a phone. Hes not only issuing executive orders, hes stealing office supplies. laughter somebody better glue down the stapler in the oval office, then staple down the glue gun. Now fortunately speak of the house john bayne certificate putting an end to this overreach. House Speaker John Boehner says he is filing a lawsuit against the Obama Administration on behalf of congress. Hes accusing can the president of going around the law by using executive orders. Stephen thank god someone is finally suing barack obama. Though i always thought it would be whoever lived at 1601 pennsylvania avenue. I mean those helicopters have got to be some kind of noise violation. laughter and youll never guess what boehner is suing obama over, unless you guessed obamacare. laughter jim . Boehner says president obama overstepped his authority when he delayed the employer mandate portion of obamacare without first seeking congressional approval. What were talk about here are maces where the president is basically rewriting law to make it fit his own needs. Stephen yes. And congress cannot sit idly by while the president rewrites their laws. They have to sit idly by while they not write laws. And obamas overuse of executive orders is unprecedented in a modern American History in that he has issued fewer than any president since fdr. And dont tell me that every president issued executive orders because William William Henry Harrison did not sign a single executive order. Instead, this good man chose to die of pneumonia 30 days into office. That is called leadership. Now conservatives like myself have supported a un tear executive and use of executive orders in the past. But theres something about this president that makes the whole thing seem shady. laughter something im up set too. Something, something he shares with attorney general eric holder. Theres a certain level of vehemence it seems that is directed at the president. Theres a certain racial component to this for some people, for some theres a racial animus. Stephen racial animus. Holder is saying i feel differently about executive orders because obama is black. And im not going to argue with eric holder on this one because he might accuse me of racial animus. Then i would have to look up the word animus. laughter i think it means butthole. laughter well i dont know. I dont want to know. I dont want to know. Well, holders accusation brings me to another edition of my long awardlosing segment, thank you racism. You see applause last week eric holder stood by his previous statement that americans are essentially a nation of cow ards when it comes to talking about race. But holder could not be further from the lets say truth. laughter because i see only now that executive orders have always been wrong. But without my apparent distrust of black people i wouldnt have had the courage to suddenly be moved to protect the constitution from the overreach i didnt care about before. Now, now i am standing up for america or against obama, whatever, same thing. Now i know ive said some terrible things about racism in the past, folks. I guess i guess i prejudged racism without really knowing it. laughter and for that im sorry, racism. Now folk, some say that boehners lawsuit is a long shot but i say its a long slamdunk because while i was bald could beletter, on the fourth, i was up to the blueberries, i learned that i no longer have to pay for shut pills aka whore pellets aka vitamin bow chicka bowwow. Jim . The Supreme Court of the United States delivered a major blow to president obamas Health Care Law today in a major victory for religious freedom. In a 54 decision the justices ruled in favor of the hobby lobby craft chain saying that closely held corporations can m in fact, opt out of the obamacare contraception pan date due to religious objections. This is a big victory for religious freedom. A guy can particular victory, victory for common sense. Victory for traditional americans. Victory so, break out the champagne but not too much, hobby lobby employees because your Birth Control is no longer covered. laughter all right. Be careful, please, set your humping to dry. applause yes n a unanimous 54 decision the Supreme Court catholic men have ruled that a womans right to contraception does not trump her employers right to believe she shouldnt be taking it. And its based on the sound principleses that the government didnt have the authority to force closely held corporations to violate their religious beliefs. Oh and its probably not a big deal but they also ruled that corporations have religious beliefs. I mean it makes sense. Hobby lobby obviously christian, Panda Express is jewish at christmastime, and papa johns of course is atheist because their pizza makes you doubt there is a god. applause well be right back. Well be right back. cheers and applause son dad, this is a remix. Its the new Red White Blue slam. Same thing. Hmmmm. This has blueberries, strawberries and cream cheese icing. You dont know what youre talking about. Yup, he loved to say that, too. [bell rings] waitress welcome to dennys hot pockets got protein to pleeease hey pinata i got energyyy from premium hickory ham and 100 real cheese. My hot pockets from premium hickory ham and 100 real cheese. To tof 5hour energy a little. Strong,e dont miss the 5hour energy onehundred thousand dollar yummification contest. Mix 5hour energy with your favorite beverage. Name it. Shoot it. Send us the video. You could win a share of onehundred thousand dollars. For complete rules and requirements go to five hour yummification dot. Com the 5hour energy yummification contest. Its delicious stephen well come back, everybody, thank you so much. Nation, you probably already know this but we live in a golden era of digital toys. My favorite are fitness like the fitbit, i got one right here, uses motion sensors to record all of my exercise. And evidently i did not move today. laughter last week, last week i wanted to run a marathon so i strapped this bad boy to a paint shaker for about 20 minutes. For some reason im still not losing weight g figure. For the most exciting personal info device is called vessyl, a brandnew digital cup that tracks and identifies all your beverages. Lets just say i have this soda on the table. And this one is an orange crush. If i was to pour my soda into the vessyl t would know that it is orange crush. It would know that that there is, you know, about 70 calories and then i would drink it. Stephen wait. laughter a digital cup that can tell me whats in the cup and how many calories and allow me to drink it . laughter that level of information was previously available only on the can you just poured it out of. applause i mean there are so many think about t there are so many times when vessyl beverage identifying technology will come in handy like when you order a coke but it tastes kind of like a indict coke but youre not sure. And perhaps other times. And vessyl will make sure you get your daily recommended allowance of Silicon Valley buzzwords. The vessyl automatically knows whats inside and can track in realtime the contents of the beverage. It tracks your realtime hydration needs but the main goal is to help you make healthier and more informed decisions in realtime. Stephen finally, decisions in legal time realtime. Im so tired of making up my mind hours after im done doing what i will have decided. And this realtime works quickly. Just watch as this guy pours a beer from a can into vessyl which confirms it is beer. Its like hes not even drinking alone any more. laughter and applause stephen and according to vessyls creative director that cylindrical design was no accident. Weigh wanted to create something beautiful, functional, durable and also something that could live confident below on tabletops. Stephen thats right. It holds liquides and can sit upright on a table. I mean is there any as pebling of being a cup this cup cant do . An no wonder because vessyl is the culmination of 7 years of work. laughter seven years, okay. Lets put that into perspective. That is longer than the time between jfks call to put a man on the moon and the apollo 11 landing. And remember when armstrong landed his cup had no idea he was drinking tafg. laughter not that inspiring now is. If nation as far as i can see the only downside to vessyl is that it will cost almost 200 and wont ship until early 2015. Early 2015 and thats in realtime. laughter of course even one vessyl does launch, it still only monitors your beverage intake. S thiss only half the hydration equation. What about tracking your output. Thats why tonight im excited to announce the prerelease idea launch of my new product toylet. Its the first the first cutting edge e recept cable capable of it handling your 1. 0 and 2. 0 downloads in realtime. laughter most importantly, toylet syncs with your iphone in that you can look at your iphone while youre sitting on it. Well be right back. cheers and applause hey pal . You ready . Can you pick me up at 6 30 . Ah. boy im here im here cop too late. I was gone for five minutes ugh move it. Youre killing me. You know what, dad . Im good. dad it may be quite a while before hes ready, but our Subaru Legacy will be waiting for him. vo the longestlasting midsize sedan in its class. Introducing the allnew Subaru Legacy. Its not just a sedan. Its a subaru. [robotic sounds] guess what . Im not a real human man. But i use old spice body wash and deodorant together and now im really cool. I got it, dudes. Oww i think you crushed some of my ribs. Mmmm, you smell amazing. Thank you. Id get off of you, but i cant get up. Maybe i dont want you to. Okay. Got you tapping out . Mcdonalds bacon clubhouse is a new breakthrough in break time. A true tastemaker with thickcut applewood smoked bacon and big mac special sauce. A break this buzzworthy deserves both hands. Ever since we launched snapshot, my life has been positively craycray. Whats snapshot, you ask . Only a revolutionary tool that can save you bigtime. Just plug it in, and the better you drive, the more cash youll stash. Switching to progressive can already save ye 500. Snapshot could save ye even more. Meat maiden bringeth to me thine spiciest wings of buffalo. Hot pockets got protein to pleeease hey pinata i got energyyy from premium hickory ham and 100 real cheese. My hot pockets stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight are the cohost of public radios radiolab. Which i believe please welcome Robert Krulwich and jad abumrad. cheers and applause jad, robert, thanks so much for coming on. All right, guys, for the few people out there who dont know, jad, robert, you are the cohost of wnyc here in new york that produces the peabody awardwinning radiolab, one of the most popular shows on public radio, 478 stations around the country, downloaded pod casts more than 4 million times every month. What is what is radiolab . laughter and what are you spermentsing on . laughter on the radio i guess you could say, i mean its. Stephen experimenting on the medium itself. Yeah, new ways of telling stories. The lab is in a sense to experiment trying all the usual ways of telling stories but just doing differently. Stephen okay. Yeah, sure, sure. For the purpose of our discussion i will say i followed that, all right . But why do you need to tell stories in a new way. People have been telling story since, you know, caveman said ug kill bear. We just like to play, i guess. We just theres an adventure to this. So we just we enjoy making up we choose complicated subjects. We dont completely understand them all the time and then we try to make sense of them. And to do that youve got to have fun and experiment and you got to do mischief. Stephen so you dont always understand the things you are talking about on the show. No, i without say it a prerequisite. We star in a play called absolute unknowing. Stephen dow ever end in a place of absolute unknowing. Pretty much every single time. Stephen really. So our arc is a little hard. We go from nonknowledge to a little bit of knowledge to ah, kind of. Stephen so if you are your fans come up to you and say i got to say i listened to the show this weekend, i didnt know what you were talking about. You say success. Exactly. As long as they remember some of the things you said. You want to give them a Little Something that sticks to them. Stephen okay, is your youre liberals, obviously laughter because you work for public radio. You work for public radio. You dont know that. Stephen i know you work for public radio an thats all i need to know. Okay, theres two conservatives on public radio an their names are click and clack. The tappit brothers. Is it curiosity itself a liberal value . Because im a conservative, and i believe that it is sometimes better not to know then know. laughter knowledge is not always a good. Well, to not know can be kind of scary, that is true. But then. Stephen and fear can be a good thing. There was actually a really long period in history of the world where people were told not to be curious that it was sinful and so on. Stephen well, sometimes it is. Sometimes it can get new trouble. Stephen it did not work out well for no didnt. Stephen ar for adam and eve,. So there is a lesson to be learned it i suppose. But for us we just cant help ourselves. I think there is something in humans, conservative and liberals that says hmmmm, i would like like a cloud, you find out it weigh 00 tons and yet its in the sky. Stephen it doesnt weigh 500 tons. Clouds dont weigh. News slash clouds dont weigh anything, okay. That is how they float. Okay, what does a balloon weigh. Stephen less than nothing. If you took a teaspoon you could weigh a little bit of cloud, you multi fly that tea spoon toward cloud you have a lot. Stephen so parts of a cloud weigh something but the entire cloud weighs nothing. No. laughter no, i was thinking. Stephen you do most of the work, right . You do because you applause you got one of them mcarthur genius grants back in 2011. Did you ever lord that over him and go one of us has a genius grant. No, kuz the whole genius thing is a little trippy. Stephen what does that mean, what does trippy mean. Deeply confusing. Stephen like your show. And also yes. People suddenly thought he was really smart because he was a genius. That is odd. Stephen you ask big questions, what is time. Does evil really exist. Have you thought about doing a show called do these questions make us seem high . laughter i tell you what, i think there is an aspect of the show that is sort of that pot smoking in your dorm room whoa sort of thing. I think that is where it begins. Stephen it sounds that way because you have all the sound effects, you have this Robert Krulwich radio you know. I mean i think you want to start with that place of disorienting, but then you really do try to figure it out. You try and know and walk through stepbystep into all the different layers of these questions. Stephen what is next. Where is your curiosity leading you next. Do you have a season or just grind in and out. Doing it we just make it, we are always on. Stephen how about this one. How much does canada weigh . Thats an interesting question. Thats a hard one because in the winter when it is snowing it might be heavier. On the other hand, where would you stop when are you weighing it. You have to go down. Stephen all the way to the core. You a little wedge. The top of it is melting so that might get it lighting or heavier. See that is the kind of thing we do, exactly. You start with an open question and start thinking deeper and deeper. Stephen can i get a little taste of the back end on that one . Public radio, dont forget. Stephen oh, okay, just give me the toths back. Thank you so much for joining me, robert, jad, jad abumrad, Robert Krulwich, radiolab, its on all the time. Time. Well roob bait b thats about as american as it gets. Woman what do you mean . Blueberry pancakes, strawberries and cream cheese icing, starting at just 4. 99. Apple pie, watch out. [bell rings] waitress welcome to dennys you want to save money on Car Insurance . No problem. You want to save money on rv insurance . No problem. You want to save money on motorcycle insurance . No problem. You want to find a place to park all these things . Fuggedaboud it. This is new york. Hey little guy, wake up aw, come off it mate geico. Saving people money on more than just Car Insurance. Can i pet your cloud please . Sure [ rumbling ] woah aah he doesnt like to be touched there. Mmm [ male announcer ] pet the rainbow taste the rainbow. You think it smells fine, but your passengers smell this. Eliminate odors youve gone noseblind to for up to 30 days with the febreze car vent clip. Female passenger wow. Smells good in here. Vo so you and your passengers can breathe happy. Oh, cheezit grooves. Its a cheezit, but its light and crispy like a chip,ki. Theres more than one world . Theyre among us . Youre one of them. Help hes got a probe its a pen. We take the time for our cheese to mature in our cheezit grooves. cheers and applause stephen thats it for the report, everybody. Good night. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org im going down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting, howdy, neighbor heading on up to south park, gonna see if i cant unwind mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine stan, you know its almost valentines day. I know. Maybe we should go on a cruise or something. I cant afford a cruise, dude. I know, but we can make a little boat out of cardboard and pretend its a cruise [ laughs hysterically ] shut up, cartman [ laughing ] that is so lame [ laughing ] [ panting ] oh, oh. Oh, man. Oh. And then we could dress up in little costumes and pretend were getting married. [ laughs hysterically ] [ laughing ] stop, seriously youre killing me over here
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