Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Folks, thanks, good to have you with us, folks. You know, if you watch this show you know, and i take this seriously, my most solemn duty is holding our elected officials accountable. And tonight i have reeled in the biggest fish in the big apple, our mayor. cheers and applause no, not michael bloomberg, bill de blasio. Ive waited a long time to hold de blasio seat to defire because we all know what this man is. Mayor de blasio is a socialist, all right. Hes just flat out a socialist. Americas leading leftist, mr. Tax the rip, the mayor of new york bill de blasio. Bill de blasio, this your mean socialist. I think bill de blasio is a socialette, i call him comrade mayor. Comrade mayor bill de blasio is going to sock it to the rich, sock it to wall street. I wouldnt be surprised if wall street leaves new york. Stephen thats right. Thats right. Thanks to comrade de blasio, wall street is going to leave new york and move to the part of the country where people like them. Ill get back to you on that one. His honor launched his Persecution Campaign of the rich as soon as he took office, when a blizzard hit new york city and residents of the wealthy Upper East Side complained that their streets didnt get top plowing priority. And he is still charging them, folks. I have not seen snowplows on the Upper East Side in months. Point is bottom line, i dont like this guy. So how did i get him on my show, well, according to the internet, i bullied him into accepting an invitation to my show on twitter. Thats right. cheers and applause boom. I booked the mayor on twitter. Its my biggest coup since landing joe biden on tender. applause anyway, the mayor will be on later and joe biden, even later. Of course, folks, i have not stopped covering National Politics as wellment i cannot wait for the 2016 election. Because its democrats only have one item on the menu, Hillary Clintons who seoul call if i sole qualification is the fact that she is probably going win. Meanwhile republicans have a buffet of enticing options. You have curley fries, you have beef patty, you have smile salsa. You mild salsa, you have milder salsa and of course leftover overs. But my personal favorite cheers and applause folks, my personal favorite is Texas Governor and cartoon of a Texas Governor rick perry. This guy should have been a lock in 2012. Colbert super pac supported him in the iowa straw poll with a series of powerful ads urging iowans to vote for rick perry with an a, an a for iowa. But rick perry blew it. First when it was revealed that his familys hunting camp had a name which my career will not allow me to say on tv. So hermann cain. Hater. Stephen and that damning revelation led his opponents to say ah, schuk a ducky. Classic. Of course, folks, what really sank rick perry was a debate gaffe that no one can forget except him. Its three agencies of government when i get there that are gone. Commerce, education and the the wass the third one there you cant name the third one. The third agency of government, i would do away with, education the commer commerce and lets see i cant, the third one, i cant, sorry. Stephen oops, of course, also the rallying cry of anyone who donated money to his campaign. But governor perry had a valid excuse for forgetting, he was high. You see due to a bad back he was on painkillers. And it became obvious perry was on the junk when he asked Newt Gingrich if he could help him bake the cookies in his hollow tree. But folks, remember. That rick perry that high, out of touch rick perry is gone. After two years of agonizing reappraisal the governor has completely reinvented himself with a pair of glasses. He cant lose now i mean those make him look smarter, more serious, and cheers and applause but perry, oops but perry, perry has also made a more troubling change, to cure his aching back so he can dial back the painkillers, perry recently announced he had given up on cowboy boots. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Yes, you were mildly shocked. I could tell. You heard right, the governor of texas swearing off cowboy boots. Thats like the governor of colorado turning his bong back into an apple. Even worse, even worse, perry spurned his spurs for plain black loafers, nice shoes, dad. Even worse, hes pairing those loafers with 2014s least appealing fashion accessory, barack obama. And im not the only one who is enraged, folks, so is texas land commissioner Jerry Paterson who complained i lament the fact that our governor can now pass for a west coast metrosexual. Oh, oh, oh. Meow laughter i dont know what a metrosexual is but im guessing they dont say, meow. laughter this is definitely going to be an issue in 2016, folks. Conservatives respect tradition. When a man makes a commitment to boot is a commitment for life. Thats why im still wearing these babies i got when i was a member of the kiss army. cheers and applause all right. I will never take these off. Because i want to rockandroll all night and visit my chiropractor twice a week because they are killing me. I think, i am so high on pills right now. Well be right back. cheers and applause welcome to the framily, dad ive been hearing good things about sprints new network. Oh, its unbelievable. Fewer dropped calls, better call quality. Its fast, right . Sprint a un tout nouveau reseau lte avec un spectre tribande. You can also text. Yes, you can also text. Its tres good. Okay. I, i dont know where to go with that. [ male announcer ] join americas newest network, now with faster speeds, fewer dropped calls and better call quality. Happy connecting, from sprint. Stephen hey, welcome back, everybody, nation, thank you so much. Folks, its good to see you again. There is something i need to talk to you about right now, i dont have to tell you that the world is falling part under Barack Obamas leadership. I mean im going to tell you but i want to point out that no one is making me tell you and just when America Needs a strong leader more than ever we are losing one of our greatest. Captain america. He first won our hearts in 1941, issue number 1 by punching hitler in the face. cheers and applause and its hulk, may i point out the hulk was nowhere to be found. I guess the holocaust doesnt make bruce banner that angry. Hulk ignores atrocities. Unfortunately, caps days of protecting america are numbered and that number is 21, jim, right in there. There it is because unless youve been frozen in ice for the last 65 years, you know exactly what happens in this issue. Its a tale as old as time. The iron nail currently in his mobster form has launched a plot of framing captain america by launching helicarrier gungnir to be a flying robot and destroy the nation of nrosvekistan. Of course all of this is just a fantasy. In the real world nrosvekistan has been annexed by vladimir putin. But folks applause when cap tries to stop him the iron nail hits him with flying needles which remove the superserum from captain americas blood causing him to lose his supersoldier powers and instantly age 65 years. Meaning his new superserum will be ensure. I just cannot believe this is happening right now. I mean captain america was this close to being promoted to major america. This is a disaster, nation, with steve rogers brought there is a huge void in the captaining of america. I mean who among us is prepared to step in . I mean obviously cheers and applause stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephening stephen i got to say that had not occurred to me. But obviously you have to be extremely patriotic. You would have to look decades younger than your actual age and it should be someone who already owns captain americas actual shield. Thats right. cheers and applause thats right. Ed shields been up there since 2007. I needed it in my battle against nickelback. And i for one, i want you to know that i will be proud to wear that letter a and this time it wont be because i commit add dultery with a 17th century reverend. But who ultimately, who can say who is the next captain america will be. Here to say who the next captain america will be is the chief creative officer of marvel and part of the friend of the show, joe qasada. Thanks so much. cheers and applause thanks for being here thanks for flying over in your helicarrier. Yeah. What the hell is going on with cap pain captain america, what did you do. He saved the world again but not without crystal sacrifice, he lost the superserum. Who that who is going to keep the guatemalan kids from coming over our southern border. Steve had to hand the mantle over. Who, who, dont break my heart here. Am i the next captain america . No, stephen. All right, joe f im not the next captain america, who is. Sam wilson has part nerd the fall come falcon, becoming the new captain america. Well, if there is one bird associated with america t is the falcon. Wait a second, lets take a look at this. Is this the falcon. That is and theres the falcon as new captain america. There is just is this in the movies. In is strictly in the comics. The comics are the best but let me ask you something, this guy, this new, this new guy is black. Yes. Doesnt that make him captain africanamerican . No, im just asking. I dont ceclor. I you dont ceclor, neither do i. If you dont ceclor how do you do comic books . All right, wait a second, okay, if falcon is now captain america didnt that mean theres another void, dont we need a new falcon. You know, thats a great quebec, stephen, and we really thought about this at marvel and that opening is available and do you think cheers and applause do you think there is any chance. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen thats spontaneous. Try this out, we commissioned one of our great artists to do an image of you as the falcon. Jim, do we have that . There it. cheers and applause i i didnt realize people knew i had been waxing like that ive got a great catchphrase for the falcon. Lets here it. Stephen why did its falcon cross the road . I dont know. Jon for justice mother [bleep] joe kasada. Marvel entertainment. Well be right back. Take the tmobile test drive. Try the Network Designed Data strong on a 4g lte phone free for 7 days. Sign up at tmoble. Com testdrive welcome back everybody, my guest is new yorks most important non please welcome mayor bill de blasio. applause mr. Mayor. I hope youre ready, sir, because the free ride is over. All right . This aint the upper west side, okay. This is the colbert nation, all right . For the few people out there who may not know you are the 109th mayor of new york city. Before that you were the citys public advocate and before that you were a city councilman. What is your vision, sir, of this great city, you want to bring us back to the 80s. The bad days of the squeegee men and rampant crime and leg warmers, thats what you want . The leg warmers werent so bad. But its a progressive vision, an inclusive vision, creating a city of opportunity. Progressive means socialist, youre a socialist. Progressive means creating opportunity. You are a socialist or you are not a socialist, you raised money for the sandinistas in the 80s. You are a socialist, you are a communist. Stephen, in this country with vast income inequality, and growing income inequality, we actually have to change our course. Why do we have to change course. Those of us who have the income do not wish you to change our course. Well, that doesnt surprise me. Okay. But look at new york city, the worst income inequality since 1929 and a situation where more and more of our people cant afford to live here. 46 of all new yorkers at or near the poverty level. We cant continue with a divided society. In fact, we want to create some unity. Were going to create more jobs, higher wages and benefits, were going give people paid sick leave. Government cant create jobs. Government. Only the private sector can create jobs by trickling down to the poor people, and i as a rich person and my friends, we dont have enough money yet to come over the rim of our bucket and start trickling. Were so close. I promise you i promise you, any day now if you just let us have more of the money, it will that trickle, its like a siphon, once it gets going. Once if gets going. applause i didnt realize it was that close. Oh yeah, were right on the edge, so please. I think government can make sure theres fairness in our society. And i think government can make sure, thank you, that there is we can make sure that people have bee sent wages and benefits, that the middle class gets reestablished. That we have an Education System that actually prepares our young people for a future. Next year we will have free full day prek for everybody. Lets get to that because to hand out the free, you know, nap times and juice boxes you want to do to these, you know, these freeloading miss kreents, that you wanted to tax rich guise, you said the rich of new york will pay for these. You got stopped from doing that. But why do you want to take my money away. Why is it my problem if somebody who cant afford prek gets prek. Let them work for it themselves. Well, fouryearolds are not yet in the workforce. Okay, thats another problem. Thats another problem. Do you realize those little hands change bob ins so well. Bobins so well. I think the fact is it is in everyones interest, its in those who are doing wells interest. It is in folks who are strugglings interest to have a Stronger Society with. What does that mean. An educated society. The future of this city, the future of this country runs through our Education System so full day prek. Full day prek means that youll have kids with a Solid Foundation regardless of demographic background. Everyone getting real opportunity and ready for the modern economy which demands a higher level of education treatment than any time in history. Real national security, real strength derives from an educated people. And thats what were going to have here. applause lets talk about Something Else. Lets talk about Something Else were about to have in this city and that is a rail strike, okay. We could very well have 8 unions shut down the lirr come sunday monday morning, 12 01 a. M. On monday. What are you as mayor going do to stop that from happening. Are you sending in the pinkertons with the trunchons to give them a taste of all daddy war bucks . The Long Island Railroad is under the jurisdiction of governor como, he is working very hard to come to a resolution. Not my problem. No, its something bring me the bowl, that pontius pilot may wash his hands. Im hopeful he will get to a res luig with the unions. Mayor bloomberg was in office for three terms. He they ever took a week off. Uhhuh. He might actually still be in your Office Hiding in the cabinet someplace. Will you now admit, now are you safely ensconced in office. Not going to yank you out of there. Will you admit that mayor bloomberg was a great mayor for the city. Mayor bloomberg did some things well. And mayor bloomberg made some mistakes. Staying for a third year was a big mistake. It was undem krakt. He used his wealth to achieve it. But in office he did some very good things for public health. De some good things in make us more environmentally sustainable city. De some Good Investments in education. But in the end, he did not address income inequality. He did not address stop and fisk. He didnt address a number of issues that were taering city and demand a resolution. You addressed stop and frisk. You stopped stop and frisk as we know it but the problem is now if i ran domly group young black men i seem like a weirdo. That would be a problem. Okay. Well p mr. Mayor, thank you so much for joining me. cheers and applause new york city mayor, bill de blasio. Well be right back. Welcome to the framily, dad ive been hearing good things about sprints new network. Oh, its unbelievable. Fewer dropped calls, better call quality. Its fast, right . Sprint a un tout nouveau reseau lte avec un spectre tribande. You can also text. Yes, you can also text. Its tres good. Okay. I, i dont know where to go with that. [ male announcer ] join americas newest network, now with faster speeds, fewer dropped calls and better call quality. Happy connecting, from sprint. Refreshingly sweet anduality. Intense. D hard apple cider. And bursting with a crisp apple bite. So try a Johnny Appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. Qheers plaus cheers and applause its 11 59 and 59 seconds. This happened on reddit today im charlie. Nice to meet you. Sorry im youre cool. Chris dont be fooled thats official taco bell greeter, charlie sheen. Not a carney working hitching a ride. Even though the mating call sorry im so [beep] hammered was uttered. I can not turn away, lets watch more together. Whats up with that tattoo . That one there. Hell ya. Gary
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