and that makes it confusing, you know, that, "oh, my gosh, your waist is not the right size" or "your height�*s not the right size" or you look a certain way, that makes you beautiful or that doesn't make you beautiful. so that, being judged by the male gaze and the beauty standards that have been created by patriarchal norms, because women have, for a very long time, lived as secondary citizens, that's hard. but when it came to me, my pageant, it gave me a springboard that i probably wouldn't have had. so, individualistically for me, now as i look back in retrospect, i don't think i would ever be a part of a pageant now, this ao—year—old me. but at that time, it was very, very empowering for a small—town girl in a massive stage with 96 contestants, being viewed around the world, you know, just felt like, wow, my life has suddenly changed! the cameras were like that and now it's all on me.