11/18/2023 – Michigan 31, Maryland 24 – 11-0, 8-0 Big Ten Michigan got up 23-3; they'd paved Maryland on a couple touchdown drives, forced a fumble out of Taulia Tagovailoa for a touchdown, and blocked a punt. Hooray, another one of these games, can we please fast forward to next weekend. I no longer want football to be happening, because Roman Wilson has already exited this game and there is no reason to continue this exhibition before the main event. Then the other football game happened. You know, the one before Ohio State where everyone wants to fast forward to The Game but the opponent will not cooperate and Michigan gets stuck in a slog. This one wasn't as bad as last year's Fiesta Del Field Goals against Illinois, but happy sim-to-end thoughts got replaced by grimmer ones as Michigan kept losing players and Maryland kept hanging around. There was a terrifying targeting review on Mason Graham that would have knocked him out of the first half of The Game; Myles Hinton ended up screaming very loud on camera after he got his knee rolled up on; Sherrone Moore tried one deep shot that McCarthy missed and otherwise went right to the book of Lloyd Carr Blown Leads. Michigan did not blow the lead, instead deciding to repeatedly sack Taulia Tagovailoa until Tagovailoa freaked out and threw it to no one while standing in the endzone, and the trap game ended without much more than mild annoyance from the Michigan fans that made up a large majority of the crowd. Now: death, fire, and doom. ---------------------------------------------------- The most important Game of all time is always this one, but this is the most important Game of all time. Michigan has been beset by wildly exaggerated claims of malfeasance based on Connor Stalions going great lengths to get things that you can get just by asking Rutgers. Jim Harbaugh has been suspended via a ludicrous legal theory that he can be punished for acts he did not commit or know about because he "embodies the university." Ohio State fans are weeping on Twitter that Ryan Day should be forgiven because Michigan's dastardly acts invalidate consecutive three-touchdown beatdowns. They are crossing out all the Ms in their tweets except one. You are probably aware that this has been the most irritating, enraging, and insane month in the history of my—and likely your—tenure as a Michigan fan. The non-stop chirping from people who couldn't figure out how to change a lightbulb even if Stalions gave them detailed instructions has changed a joyous, national-championship-contending season into a descent into paranoia. That fact that all of this is bullshit will never register with the people who do not already realize all of this is bullshit. Pretty much every single former player who isn't a rival has dismissed this as penny-ante crap, but you still have the media howlers howling about banning Michigan—Blake Corum and JJ McCarthy and Mike Sainristil and Mike Barrett—from the playoff. There is only one way to shut it all up: win. Ryan Day's successfully disrupted the Michigan football program but now he's out of excuses. Michigan has your signs? That's on you at this point. You can't beat Sherrone Moore? Not a great look, Coach Just For Men. Lose, and the ridiculous narrative that sign-stealing was the main reason Michigan won by three touchdowns in consecutive years will never die. Only one team's getting out of this alive. That is barely a metaphor. AWARDS Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week [David Wilcomes] you're the man now, dog #1 Mike Sainristil. Two interceptions will do it, yeah. The first was particularly critical, coming just as Maryland was getting momentum and threatening to drive for the lead. Tagovailoa got him a couple times but Sainristil nearly had a third INT, but for Tagovailoa throwing his late ball late enough that Sainristil could only bring it in out of bounds. #2(T) Kenneth Grant and Mason Graham. Graham was the main motive force on various pressures. His explosion is the driver on stunts; he clears people out so badly that loopers have a truck lane to jet through. Grant, meanwhile, continues to come into his own as a truck-sized human who is supernaturally fast. Both guys tied for second on the team in tackles, as defensive tackles. Four points each. #3 Tommy Doman. 47 yards an attempt, a long of 58, and the Punt Of The Year? Get in here, buddy. Honorable mention: Mike Barrett punched out the fumble that Derrick Moore grabbed for a touchdown; Cam Goode got consistent QB pressure. Colston Loveland had two crucial catches and blocked well. Blake Corum did Blake Corum things. KFaTAotW Standings. (points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.) 45: JJ McCarthy (#1 ECU, #1 UNLV, #2 Rutgers, HM Nebraska, #2 Minn, #1 IU, #1 MSU, HM PUR, HM PSU)23: Kris Jenkins (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 BGSU, HM Rutgers, #1 Neb, HM MSU)20: Mike Sainristil (T3 ECU, HM BGSU, #1 Rutgers, HM IU, HM MSU, #1 MD)19: Blake Corum (HM ECU, HM UNLV, #2 BGSU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb, HM IU, #1 PSU, HM MD), Mason Graham (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 Minn, HM IU, HM MSU, T2 MD)15: Kenneth Grant (T3 ECU, T2 UNLV, #2 PSU, T2 MD)14: Roman Wilson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, #3 Nebraska, #2 PUR)13: Mike Barrett (HM UNLV, T3 Rutgers, #2 IU, T1 PUR, HM MD)11: AJ Barner (HM BGSU, HM Neb, HM Minn, T3 IU, T2 MSU, HM PSU),10: Braiden McGregor(T3 UNLV, #2 Nebraska, T1 PUR), Colston Loveland (HM Rutgers, T3 IU, T2 MSU, HM PUR, HM MD)7: Cornelius Johnson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM Minn), Derrick Moore (T3 UNLV, HM Neb, HM MSU, T1 PUR), Will Johnson(#3 Minn, #3 PUR, HM PSU)6: Junior Colson (#3 BGSU, T3 Rutgers, HM MSU), Jaylen Harrell (HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM IU, T1 PUR)4: Ernest Hausmann (T3 ECU, T3 Rutgers), Max Bredeson (HM Rutgers, HM Neb, T3 IU), Josiah Stewart (HM Minn, T1 PUR), The Offensive Line (HM Minn, #3 PSU), Tommy Doman (HM ECU, #3 MD)2: Josh Wallace (T3 ECU), Semaj Morgan (HM Rutgers, HM PUR), Donovan Edwards (HM ECU, HM PSU)1: Tyler Morris (HM UNLV), Quinten Johnson (HM Rutgers), Kalel Mullings (HM Minn),Keon Sabb (HM Minn), Ben Hall (HM IU), Rod Moore (HM PUR), Rayshaun Benny (HM PSU), Cam Goode (HM MD) Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week Michigan's fourth quarter onslaught against Tagovailoa ends in an intentional grounding safety that closes the door on a regulation loss. Honorable mention: Derrick Moore scores a defensive touchdown; Christian Boivin blocks a punt for a safety; Mike Sainristil intercepts two passes. MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK Maryland gets down to the one and punches in a touchdown as Will Johnson is beat on a fade route. This is more about the Implications for next week, but the implications are there, being implied. Honorable mention: JJ McCarthy throws two terrible passes in a row, the second of which is actually intercepted. This is also about next week vibes. Tagovailoa goes nuts in the third quarter before reverting back into the Tagovailoa pumpkin. Josh Wallace gets torched on a double move and is removed for the remainder. NICK SAMAC PATHETIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK Hey! We made it through a game without issuing this! Woo! Dishonorable mention: N/A [After THE JUMP: BGSU revibes]