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Friends, our life is changeable, like the weather by the sea, sun in the morning, storm in the afternoon, calm in the evening, the only constant is that every september a humor festival begins in sochi, and this means that, together with the velvet season, our peoples love for sochi can be considered open as endlessly as the universe, they say this year, the number of tourists who have already visited sochi is 3 million. I was told, you looked in the wrong column, this is the average cost. Thats why this city is so dear to us. Friends, this festival is unusual, an anniversary, the twentieth in a row. I recently recalled the history of our festivals. An amazing thing, it was like rereading dumas novel 20 years later. After all, whats surprising is that over these 20 years, the list of favorite artists has not changed. What does this mean . Yes, that the most stable, strongest currency in the world is our russian sense of humor, and let it always be so, we begin, if i say that a certain artist is turning 60 years old, this is certainly worthy of prolonged applause, just a minute. If i say that the artist has 60 years of creative activity, forgive me, he deserves continuous applause. Just a minute. When, back in sixtytwo , this skinny man walked up the famous steps of the variety theater in moscow boy, no one could have imagined that an entire era was entering the stage with him. By the way, 60 years of creative longevity is an official world record in the genre of satire and humor. Meet our favorite record holder. Peoples artist of russia, Evgeny Petrosyan. Thank you very much, what i was like, i didnt stay like that, what my age is, this question, as you understand, began to worry me, it s clearly written here. This is that period of life when you still see young goats in women, they see something in you the lighting is bad, i, they see you as old, what, an artist. I would define it this way, old age is that period of life when you bend over, say, to tie your shoelaces, and you think that they could do something useful downstairs, or heres a detail, in my youth i considered fortyyearold women to be old aunts , and now ill sincerely say, girls, forgive me, please, it seems to me that the less you think about old age, the later it will come to you, and if it comes, its okay, lock it in the chulan, and go to travel, well, in the west they always traveled in old age, and we must do so, however, our pensioner is far away. He wont go on his pension, unfortunately, i think that we will resolve this issue sooner or later, but there is already adjusted, yes, one old man told me, when im not in the right condition , just in case, i put a note in my pocket, with the address, so that they can take me home later, yes, i say that. What do you write there, he says, well, what, paris, boulevard, i say, what nonsense, you live, as i know, in mytishchi, thats right, but ive already been to paris twice, bravo, our resourceful old man, bravo they say that childhood leaves in english without saying goodbye, and old age with insanity and sclerosis come without saying hello, hello, so that this does not happen, hello, smart people make their brains work, work, learn poetry, solve crossfords, some have gone further, are engaged in improving their sense of humor, there are such technologies, i saw one such, trained grandmother, for some reason she was standing in a minibus, something fell out of her small bags, the driver immediately joked, well, our people like to joke on the go, he said that everything that was mine had fallen, she, without thinking, into the ice, answered him, you drive quietly on, but. Now im going to fall and ill be all yours , how much charm, i want to note, our old people have one grandmother, at the station she calls rapist, rapist, grandmother, im not a rapist, i m a rapist, im still a brat, i have different examples here, but theres only one old man, trained in such humor old man, me too. He looked for a long time at the dancing young a couple, they danced the letka enka, you know the letka enka, well, they stand behind each other, dance there, there, there, there, there, and so, for about 10 minutes , there, there, there, there, there, there, there, watched, looked, then said, it seems to me that until. They lie down, nothing will work out for them, i have examples with a minus sign, too, unfortunately, we got into minibuses in a traffic jam, well, you know, we have big ones in moscow there are traffic jams, you can stand for 3 hours, one guy suggests to the driver, let me show you the shortest route, bypass the yards, thats it we were delighted, the old man really showed the shortest route through the courtyards and went out at his entrance, and then we spent 2 hours in the courtyards, backwards, trying to win, just like that. Old men, little boletus. The grandmother got on a longdistance bus and asked the driver to tell her when the grating would be. A hint, of course, lets go, we drove for 2 hours, chalk, she reminds us, is the grating coming soon . Yes, soon, soon. The driver answered irritably because he forgot about the grandmothers request. And drove through restilovka, well, what are you going to do, but he was a kind man, i turned around, sawed back 40 km, imagine, thats it, weve arrived , get out, heres your grating, but i dont need to get out here, my daughter just told me to take this pill at this stop, grandma. They light up sometimes, but ill say that its not easy for the elderly adapt to the innovations of life, especially to all this electronics, the young must help, navigate the elderly, of course, they once told you how this world works, patiently told you in detail so that you. Its time for you to repay your debts, young, an atm stood at the entrance on the street, the bank was on the ground floor, which means a man was running into the building shouting, karau, save me, everyone is on the street, what is it, theres your atm, this one is strangling grandma, it turns out that grandmas daughter gave her a credit card, and so that she i didnt lose it, i hung it around her neck. On a chain, and it was sucked in, what are you thinking, its mine, that means all the episodes so that i dont miss anything, i want to tell young people, dont laugh at old age, old age, it is insidious, only the elderly have the right to this laughter, over each other, we can, but i really dont feel myself. As an elderly person, there is a boy sitting inside me, and recently i, i even felt younger than the young man, because i was transferring across the road not an old woman, but a young man who at that time was chatting on a smartphone, and i am transferring him, this it also happens, anything can happen, my friends, grandson, what are you doing, granny, well, you dont understand, im surfing the internet, and whats wrong with that, you have one of your subscribers, sweet beauty, thats me. Anything can happen, grandpa, tell me, here in your village before, how it was without the internet, but how you communicated, you had some kind of conversation on vkontakte, or in classmates, the grandfather was silent, silent, then he said, there were a lot of sins. And there are contacts and classmates , we have such a smart, resourceful generation, my neighbors grandmother always ran across the road at a red light, there she stood, waiting, it would light up, she went, the Traffic Police stopped her. Why are you rushing at a red light, she says firstly, this is how i treat myself when a kamaz is rushing towards you, cromat and raticulite disappear somewhere, secondly, i like to tickle nerves, thats how old we are, but i want to. To say, old age is not a joy, they say correctly, these are all legends, that every age has its own joys, my grandmother stood at the grocery store, barely leaning on her walker, and it was clear that she was upset about something, people surrounded her, and young and old, what happened, but i took some money from home. I wanted to buy groceries, but i lost them somewhere, i dont know, they began to reassure her, well, dont be upset , grandma, anything can happen, money is not the main thing, money is not the main thing, suddenly everything they saw how the wind was blowing a fivethousanddollar bill along the sidewalk, everyone forgot about this grandmother, they chased after the bills for the race , who was in general shock when the grandmother overtook them, as they say, youth is not without stupidity, old age is not without stupidity, grandfather, but grandfather, you believe in love at first sight, at my age, my granddaughter, his eyesight is failing him, yes , he needs to poke around, and my other character said, im too old to run after women, bring them all here, the main thing, guys, is not to grow old with pepper, here so, health, this joke, you know, in the bus is entering, which means the maniac is screaming, now im raping everyone, the girl says, at least let the grandmothers go, the grandmothers screamed, do you hear, cover your mouth . But i have never forgotten one grandmother, puny, small, how much strength she has, inner, what a strong soul, what a root, wow , she is not afraid of anything, she is not afraid of death, she is not afraid of anyone, she says a seemingly simple phrase to the seller son, and your fish is fresh , grandma, but its still alive, so what, i m also still alive, what the hell kind of pensioner am i, i really. Didnt have time to get over it, as before i see the world in my own way, it is birds flapping their wings, withering away, the world is good for me, i belong to it, from the first infant breath, and the fact that i walk with effort does not mean at all that i feel bad, some sage said , you must live in such a way that in your youth you will be forever, drunk from the events of impressions, in old age from the hangover memory of these days. Thank you very much, thank you, thank you very much, thank you, Evgeny Petrosyan , we have a selfplayed accordion, ill find a selfplayed accordion, the tsar wants everything from. Bring me some jellied meat and what will the jellied meat come soon, the floor is shaking, the walls are shaking, big changes have come, in the new season, with a new renovation, a Slight Movement of the hand, we are turning this room into an absolutely faceless one into three different functional zones, ideas are overflowing, we want to transform. There will be a lot of surprises and a lot of work, plans for eyes turn into projects, i adore plants , im generally a plant maniac, real stone flowers will soon bloom in the living room of our heroes, after dismantling, a lot will become clear, and dreams become reality, look, let them into your home, big changes, tomorrow at 12 00 on the russia channel, i am a doctor, my friends, doctors, are coming with me to stop the spread of fever in your land , premiere on the russia channel, when the peak growth in the number of infected is expected, 2 weeks, give or take, invisible killer, mortality for fever, i need to check this blood, have you heard about epidemics in africa . They sent her blood from there, we will bring the killer virus to moscow , the metropolis is on the verge of extinction, evgeniy volovenko, it will be hot, lyubov konstantinova, the mission expects results from us, evgeniy sidikhin, you realize what an important task you have waiting. Fever from monday at 21 20 on the russia channel. If a baby is born on april 1, he immediately becomes a comedian out of happiness. You can dance beautifully, sing beautiful love songs, and successfully participate in eurovision. It doesnt matter, youre still a comedian at heart. It is with great pleasure that i invite our colleague to the stage, he is making his debut at this festival this year, but i am more than sure that from now on we will see each other regularly, after all, his birthday obliges, meet sergey lazarev, what shaking out i want to confess my love to you every second, every minute, friends, you are incredible, thank you, never be silent about your love, if you love, shout about it to the whole world, who wants to dance, dance, get up, tell me about the miracle of how we are flying away with you. Just dont tell me that these are just dreams, a couple of phrases and no extra pros. With you its like pitting, im not god, but believe me, ill give everything for you, believe me, ill give it , i cant, i cant, because i love, im going crazy, i want to scream like i love, are you strengthening yourself, only you, i cant be silent, i cant be silent, read my letters, i have one question, will you be white, are you a dress, yes or not serious . Just believe me, take a step closer to me, we are free birds, towards one destiny, one destiny, i cant be silent, i cant, because i love, and its going crazy, i want to scream like i love, strong only for myself, only. For you, i cant be silent, i cant be silent, thats it, keep your hands up, get up, get up, lets dance, i cant be silent, i cant damn, i cant be silent, i cant, because i love, and its driving you crazy, i come in to scream how much i love, only you, only you, only you, i cant be silent, i cant, because i love, and it makes you crazy. I want to scream as much as i love, so much, only you, only you, i cant be silent , i cant be silent, i cant be silent, i cant be silent, thank you, sochi, cafe, a man is sitting at a table, flipping through the menu , the waiter, a caucasian, comes up to ask for the order and the man says, please, i want. One khachapuri or one khachapuri or one khochapuri, tell me which is correct, the answer is brilliant , two are correct, the current festival is an anniversary festival, maybe thats why it is unusually rich in round dates for artists, now a magnificent artist, my great friend, will appear on stage. He has a date this year, yes, exactly 30 years ago, in sochi he ate his first khachipuri, or the first, or it doesnt matter, the important thing is that its igor momenka. I dont drink at all, i dont drink alcohol at all, i can only drink as a last resort when im stressed, heres a leaf from the tree fell. Im stressed, the little sparrows are loud, stressed. Still sick, stressed, recovered, terrible breakdown, and my wife doesnt understand my delicate psyche, as she says, are you drunk, i say, my friend, valerik, died, she says, valerik died 20 years ago, i say, he just came up bitterness of loss, she says, what a bitterness of loss, scarecrow, doesnt understand me at all, somehow she says, you need to unwind, she took me to the ballet , i saw this guy on stage in tights, i was so stressed, he was wearing tights such, uh, choreography, and these girls, this cannot happen in nature, this is how it should be, that is, they beat me up with foam, my fatherinlaw once said, let them read books, they help with stress, i took the first one i came across, stephen king, vampire killers of werewolves, by the evening i drank everything that was in the house out of stress, kerosene, brilliant green, up to a mash from the toilet duckling, motherinlaw says, let him watch tv, hell fall out of love, i sat down to watch, they show such a golem, i couldnt stand it, drank, my wife said, well, where are you . Ive found stress here, i say, larisochka, these tv moguls treat us like morons, theres a whole plate spinning all over the place right now, she says, youre a fool, you re sitting in front of the microwave . Somehow she says board games help with stress, sat down play cards, i am my fatherinlaw and my downstairs neighbor, baba zoya, 75 years old, played for stripping, no matter how hard i tried so that baba zoya would not lose , i put up trump cards, drew six uzofei, ten trumps, she still lost and was stripped, i had so stressed, i got so drunk, then i look, and baba zoya is fine, sweetie, the main wife somehow. A bottle, i dressed myself all clean , i grind my meat in a meat grinder, my wife comes in to drink, i say, how did you guess, she says, well, first of all, you are the cats tail twist, secondly, youre wearing my moms headdress, not my moms. Somehow, he says let him go in for sports, it helps with stress, let him do pushups from the floor, i must say, for those renovations in the apartment, he took off all the covers from the sockets, i could do pushups easily, my toes hit the socket, i did pushups 2. 742 times in 15 seconds, im stressed. My wife once said you need to unwind, she took me on a trip to a cognac factory with a cognac tasting, when on the eighth day the guards finally caught me and deported me home, i felt like a bee that had been deprived of honey, such was the stress , the wife turned on the tv, the whore malysheva says, the cause of stress is an excess of male hormones, here are castrated cats , they are calm, quiet, they have no stress, i say, larisochka, a miracle happened, i was healed, since then i have no stress, stay positive all day, which is what i wish for you. Igor momenko. 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Call to order a mini folding washing machine at an incredible discount. Total. For 2. 999 rub. Call or order on our website leamax. Ru. Lets look before everyone else. I cant believe it, im so guilty, nelya. Dean, what do you have to do with this . Will they find the killer . You will see. Mirror of lies. All series. We only look at the platform, in the app or on the website. Ruby, the movie is amazing, i spent 90 minutes squeezing myself into my chair. I havent done a lot of things before, and then i did, its a dream, fyodor sergeevich came, he says, no , its very inspiring, a thirst for adventure, for knowledge, for the unknown, i ve been going towards this all my life, i have someone to follow as an example, courage, courage, dont rise any higher, youll just fall down towards me, its coolly done, and the graphics are cool, its such a largescale canvas, you have a storm front ahead, youre going straight towards it. In such delight, just in one breath, im flying where the wind blows, hes the master of the wind, the master of the elements, what do you want, the whole hall gasps, groans and my heart skips a beat, were all with him, because hes the only one, sorry, without flowers, experiences, emotions, this is a real movie, the lord of the wind, mashenka, my love, will you marry me . To the cinema weekend, my youngest daughter katya, hello, my eldest daughter anya, if your mother has been proposed to, it is important to get the consent of your daughters, we worry about you and dont want you to suffer, i will prove to you that anton is not what he pretends to be, im ready forgive a person everything except lies, so if you have secrets, yes, my dear, i miss you very much too, but mo mom, dont rush to apply to zacks, he has a family and he hides it from you, girls dont crying, mash, youre doing it all wrong, mashenka, masha, premiere, today at 21 00 on the russia channel, friends, the festival in sochi has always been famous for unexpected creative duets, or as it is now fashionable to say, collaborations, now for the first time , two artists will appear on stage with a joint performance, one of them, at first was just mine colleague on stage, then became my partner in the play, not to mention the fact that he was and remains my wonderful friend, ladies and gentlemen, yuri oskarov our festival is an anniversary, yura has a very beautiful number, he turned 45, look, those who love berries applauded, and about the second member of the duet, i want to say that in general i also have a good attitude towards him, but the only thing that irritates me is his. Success and impatience in everything, now he managed to appear earlier than i announced him, sergey drobotenko , you know, friends, we comedians are often asked where we get the themes for our numbers , i admit honestly, sometimes you dont need to invent anything, you just need to turn on the radio, listen to the lyrics of modern hits, thats it, the program is ready, i. Have said it more than once interview that before coming on stage, i managed to work as a dj at one radio station, we had a program on request live, people called, ordered this or that song, congratulated each other, one day a man got through on the phone in all seriousness live, wildly nervously said, hello, my wife, bark round date, 605, please pass on igor nikolaevs song staraya milnitsa for her, but todays idols are in no way inferior, the favorite of all women, stas mikhailov, released a song with an amazing line you dissolved and disappeared, leaving only a wet trail. Listen, remember this one, stop it, vita needs it. Already after the second chorus i want to shout, release it already, i wonder, friends, could you write the lyrics of modern songs . Friends, if you dont mind, we will now go down to your hall and check it out to your stormy and prolonged applause. Oh, how i love this moment in the concert, you guys would know, up to this moment, they look into your eyes with love, you just violate the intimate space, your eyes drop, you dont to me, not to me, not to me, theres a good one that stuck, friends, the conditions are very simple , were listening to a small fragment of a modern song without the last line, and you ll try to guess or compose this line, well , lets try, hello, beautiful and frightened eyes, what is your name . And my name is tatyana, very nice, tatyana, im yuri, where did you come from . Im from sochi, the journey was short, i understand, yeah, that means the question automatically disappears, how do you relax, tanya, i honestly like sochi the most geography, its amazing, i remember we somehow got lost on a serpentine road, i saw a local walking by, and we asked him, tell me, is that lower loo around the bend . He tells me this is the top boo i say, lord, where are we . Are you in mameds gap . Tanechka, have you ever been to the glorious ural city of shadrinsk . Unfortunately no. Have any of you, friends, been to the city of shadrinsk . Are you, are you from there . Friends, an amazing city, a city, an amazing city, and there is an equally amazing song about it, lets listen, sober shadrinsk, sober shadrinsk, frivolous shadrinsk, that there was an option ayay, ayay, ayay , so, shadrinsk, what are your versions, and im drunk, its strange that tanya spoke from the masculine gender, seryozh, at my concert there was a woman, and she had one option for all the choruses, pour it, yes, listen, i had it too , you and i were at the same concert, yes, what other options, friends, there are options, my friends, sober shadrinsk, listen to the original, sober shadrinsk, sober shadrinsk, sober shadrinsk, beauty. Listen, apparently sober shadrinsk is such a rare natural phenomenon that the author wrote these lines under the impression, i think if he had written about sochi, the ending would have been different sober sochi, sober sochi, sober sochi, never, hello, what are you afraid of, we are all our own already, when you were little, you went to kindergarten, yes, yes, yes, how unexpectedly, me too, yes. You know, once at a concert i also approached a respectable man, i asked if you went to kindergarten when you were a child, and he said to me in such a deep voice yes, i m going now, it turns out hes the director of the kindergarten garden, and remember, in our soviet childhood, for the new year in kindergartens they gave us gifts , well, remember, these gifts always included tangerines, then it was practically impossible to buy them in the store, so we looked at them as aliens from outer space. True, theres a wonderful catchy song about this new years fruit, lets listen, im standing at the window, looking at tangerines, big tangerines, im standing at the window, looking at tangerines, big tangerines, your version, like theres no money, yeah, friends, what options . Tangerines at. Excuse me, what is your name . Tatyana, remember this name, yes, do you have any options . Whats the girls name, marie and yours . Whats your girls name . Marina . Well , unexpectedly, as marina always writes purely autobiographical texts, we listen to the original. At the window, i look at the tangerines, big tangerines, like that. Id like to say, marina, stand up and look at you, id like to say, well, great, marina , admit it, youve been discharged, well, lets move on and continue the new years theme, and the new year is not only tangerines, thats right, thats Traditional Russian new years table, whats there besides olivier, olivier is sacred, we dont touch it, under a fur coat, under a fur coat, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, thats right, the salad sat under a fur coat, the only russian salad whose name cannot be translated into another language, they go crazy when they hear the translation, and then they tell wild legends about russia , that in winter its so cold here, that the herring is under a fur coat, and the horses are in coats, and, by the way, the herring was also immortalized in a song, and this we are listening to the song now, this song is called selyodonka, why, why, well, the author is already in in principle, i did everything that way, but still, why friends, why, why . Delicious, bravo, you have, and what an airy rhyme, seryozhenka wrote it, yes, herring, seryozhenka, so , well, not byron, but not bad, girls have answers to all options, yes, liner, this is really a very difficult task, so lets not bore you for long, lets listen to the original, this song is called selyodnka, i dont know why, can you imagine how many such texts can be written in a day, and work, please tell me, do you have homemade animal, no, how firmly, you answered , no, but you have a girlfriend, also no, in general , according to statistics, russians have three favorite types of pets, dog, cat, husband. Yes, but you know, there are exceptions to any rule , and thats what the next song is about, lets listen, in the kitchen in the corner ill put a box, ill buy a shrew for the earth khomyakov also yura, you explain who a shrew is, because not everyone knows, its common a mouse whose nose is elongated in the form of a proboscis does not show it on itself, i will not, what can you do to pamper a shrew, your options, traits, also, groom, at least good. So also cheese, zucchini, more girls, baby, listen, and baby, thats people s imagination, the main thing is the rhyme is beautiful, yes, sausage, my friends, well, we see that you hosts are very hospitable, but were listening to the original, and im in the kitchen ill put a box in the corner and buy some rockcrawling rollers for the ground. You know, i imagine the eyes of a salesperson in the hardware department, to whom a girl comes and says do you have a stonecutter for a shrew . Friends, well, the fact that you didnt guess everything is, on the contrary, good, this is a victory, it means that you have a sense of humor and common sense , for which we congratulate you, thank you. Shabrinsk, sochi, marina, we have an international one. Andrey, evening show of andrey malakhov, today at 17 50 on the russia channel, anxiety can be treated. Afabozole retard gradual release of the active substance, only one tablet per day. Afabozole anxiety can and should be treated. Reinforced concrete, clearly. We vet and honor employers, so choose your job with confidence. Avito. Acute pain due to neuralgia takes away freedom of movement. New block in yellow packaging. Block pain with double strength, break the chains of pain. Long block double block against pain. I am the whole globe sarah. 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There were two of us, it was easier for us, on friday at 21 30 on the russia channel, look, come on, everyone is on the screen together, meet new voices of russia on stage, in your city, i have to ask you to write a letter of resignation, why are there movies on weekends, seryozha, hello, im lizanka, let me call you back, what am i with her . Mostly your fault. Svetlana smirnova martinkevich. I promise you, i will have a new job and you and i will rent a normal apartment. Evgenia dmitrieva, i would like to introduce a new employee, elizaveta aleksandrovna, our director of happiness. Okay, not out of misfortune. I will help you. Pavel borshak, a girl left me, and i keep waiting for her to will return. There is no need to hold on to the past. Try to let go. Happiness is given to those who know what is wrong with them. Do, i really like you, lisa is the love of my life, you will marry me, director of happiness, tomorrow at 13 00. On the russia channel, tom hanks, and rita wilson, brad pitt and angelina jali, famous star acting unions , some broke up, some still exist, but hollywood married them all, you know, and sochi is no worse, they came together here once two creative elements, so that later. No longer never be separated in life or on stage, our answer to hollywood Natalya Korosteleva and yuri khvostov, katya, well, it doesnt work out, you drive, you know, its not your thing, its driving, the road is such a difficult thing, they need transport too be able to drive, but its not your thing ; driving is not your thing, katya, stop your male chauvinism. What are you making up out of nowhere . I drive normally, by the way i havent had a single accident, today yes, because you havent gone anywhere yet, katya, you re lying on this airbag, katyusha more often than on the one on the bed, you dont look at the road at all, katya , i hung a rug in the parking lot so that the sun wouldnt bake the interior, its so silver, i hung it on the windshield, you didnt go with it. I drove i thought it was fog, its fog in your head, katyushka, and in general i would drive normally , but these pieces of iron under my feet are in the way , these are the pedals, they gave them to you, you go with them, but they bother me, like everyone else. Interferes, in general everything interferes, you are distracted all the time, okay, there are other girls there listening to music, yes, god bless he communicates with him on the phone, but you knit while driving, you knit while driving, katya , but whats bad, but i knitted some warm pants for you for the winter, ill show you the pants, but katya knitted me some pants, what am i doing . March, or something, please tell me, well, i was a little wrong, i was a little wrong, so katya, and no matter how much i tell you, you dont need to talk to the navigator, he doesnt hear you, even though he speaks in a womans voice, katya, and i also ask you, why yesterday you chased a man to the side of the road in a car, right behind i was driving, i followed him, he wanted to eat me, in the sense of eating me. Im approaching a turn, there are two men standing, and the navigator tells me the first one will eat, katya, exit before he eats me, i chased after him in advance, you understand, my god, katya, you cant be allowed on the road at all, you you dont understand anything, you dont even know the signs, katya, yes, i know all the signs, wake me up at night , ill answer you everything, i know any sign, well check it, no problem, now well check it, here you go, now well check it, katya , please tell me, here, this, what the sign, button, what button, katya, blue and red, are you blind or something, how do you drive , you need to collect your license, im the blind one, yes, okay, thats what you see here, katya, what is this sign, diagram round dance, this is a circular movement, and how does the round dance go, it walks in a circle, oh, porushka, parane, got knocked up by ivak, katyushenka, you surprise me, what kind of sign is this, tell me, this is a sign, but only people can ride here red and black cars, in your head only red and black cockroaches can drive cars, these, oh, katya, what is this sign, tell me what it reminds you of, sveta . Why svetka . Well, her legs are crooked, she walks like this, like this, what is this sign, you should know it , shes not pregnant, all the girls know, its wrong , shes pregnant, no, thats what im saying, not pregnant, youre okay you dont understand, what kind of sign is this, ill tell you, wait, wait, hurry up, ill tell you, you saw this , you saw it 100 , black, white, black, white, a man walks along them like this, a man climbed on piano, wrong katya, i also think this is thats wrong, you should play the piano with your hands, not with your feet, what kind of sign is this, please tell me its a worm, katya, im telling you, its feminine, twisty, twisty, wormy, katya, these are road signs, here, look , what kind of road sign is this, what is this road sign, what are these two twisting worms. Chasing a black car, okay, what is this, what is this, whos driving . The collectors are carrying your salary, why . Because your salary is 8,000, katya, katya, what is this, im telling you again, these are road signs, all the signs are about the road, who does this sign mean . Does this sign mean a bad road . Why, well, you see, all the letters didnt fit, i can name the whole word, no need, what kind of sign , lost my glasses, road signs, katya, about the road, what does this mean, you can earn extra 500 rubles, how do you know, katya, your salary is 8,000. What is this sign . Only women can ride here. Who can ride . Katyusha . And only women with large busts can ride here. Well, you see, only half fit in. And this is who can travel, here and here men can also ride. Katya, these are road signs, what does this have to do with guys, what does this sign mean, tell me what this sign means , the retirement age is 60 years, and this, they canceled 60 years, extended it to 100, we will work until 100 years, katya, give me the last sign, business trip husband, thats enough, i dont have time to talk to you anymore, otherwise im already late for the service, come on, help me get dressed, well , katya, maybe youre on sick leave after all, maybe you wont go to the service today, what are you doing, today hes taking pictures of us, on the honor board, thats it, i went, well, maybe he wont after all, well, maybe you wont go after all , there is an opinion that every man is a hunter at heart, some hunt wild boars, some hunt ducks, this artist hunts stars. Wherever he guarded them, in public transport, on vacation, thank god, everyone is alive, and he can boast of a collection of his stellar trophies. On stage with marina is the brilliant parodist, theater and film actor, roman seletsky. Sochi, how is the mood, imagine, all over the world every day some kind of holiday is celebrated, now i want to discuss with you, and what are our stars favorite holidays . To leonid agutin, International Womens day is very dear. The salary has disappeared, the money has flown somewhere, the card is empty, so the day is march 8th, i thought about giving flowers to my wife and daughter, but the flowers are standing still. Just like oil, every pabuketu, pabuketu, every pabuketu, grab it, and theres no sign, theres no sign, here. No, and also a chain , bam, and goals, exactly, goals, exactly, goals, goals, exactly, im sad, im sitting, i m sitting, if im not sitting, again im a godless guy, a fabulous guy. Favorite holiday of abraham rusa its a wedding. He was once invited to a village wedding. And after what he saw, it took him a very long time to come to his senses. So, imagine a village club, abraham ruso is singing at a wedding. You are tall in a white dress, two, face in a salad is three. Look. The witness is on fire, the cake is flying everywhere, its melting on his trousers, its a bad guy, its just a piece of shit, the motherinlaw is like a detective, the fatherinlaw is looking for his jaw, he signed, he brought the goose to life, the fatherinlaw uses a fork from his motherinlaw, he plucks his eyebrows, everyone is screaming again, advice and love, cool singer iowa will sing now a cool song about a cool holiday, i once told a guy with his smile that i was going to give birth to 10 children, out of joy he broke the tv with the remote control, grabbed the gun, but the stroke grabbed him first, april 1st, smiling from the hospital quickly, returning, smile, smile, uh. In a year i promise, somehow, i ll play a prank on your mother, get better, dont be scared , smiling, hands up warning, celebrating maslenitsa, be careful. You celebrated maslenitsa yesterday, ate pancakes right up to 5 in the morning, and when you got bored with it, you lit a fire in the garden, decided to scarecrow, took an ax, like that business, the furniture in the house turned everything into firewood, stung. She put the firewood in, just blew into the horn against the wind, blew, blew, blew, lit up like a gypsy, the whole fifth point, thought, thought, thought, and then youre your point, up to the kidneys, she was lying all over in the snow so as not to burn, how jackson danced, how dzhigurda screamed and stuck it in the hole, friends, what do you think is the saddest holiday, and birthday, birthday, Valery Leontyev did not agree with you would. You answer my question, what kind of holiday is this for everyone . Dear, and even though it is so shortlived, and sometimes small to tears, this holiday flies to every home regularly, but quickly melts away in waste, leaving you in your throat, dear friend, dont be bored, take it to the accountants office, celebrate the babys payday , dear friend, understand, even if its a small pile of money, its half yours. Got a bunch, lets go for a walk thank you, but thats not all, as bulanova sings, holidays are fun and different in our hectic life, guests are frequent, but the most important holiday for each of you is your own birthday, and if someone right now in this hall or our tv viewers have a birthday, then i congratulate you, i wish you all the very best, be loved, someone has a holiday, but today is their birthday . Wow, happy birthday, enjoy yourself, for the images. Roman seletsky, the epidemic has gripped, it is gaining momentum, the premiere is on the russia channel, the doctors are leaving behind. Why are you staying here . The incidence is growing exponentially. It seems impossible to predict. I fell asleep and saw an evil spirit. I fought, but the enemy was stronger, impossible to avoid. Im flying to limorides. I give you my word that everything will be fine with me. Polina, im preparing a mission. Stop, we need to disassemble the virus into nucleotides, will you help, today we receive the first blood from lemuria , all departments are in full readiness, the mission expects results from us, the question of the lives of thousands of people, fever, dad, the main thing is to hang in there, and we are here, we are trying very, very hard , from monday at 21 20 on the russia channel, often pulls to the toilet, cystitis always pulls in the wrong place, tell cystitis cystone, 14 Natural Ingredients against cystitis. 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To inform you that animals are simply dying there, the donetsk was shelled very heavily, but we decided to host the wedding, the main thing is that we are together, ours, ours do not abandon ours, from monday to thursday, at 15 00 on the russia channel , we look before everyone else, i love you completely, i am wise, i love your strength, ekaterina, favorites, this great woman could become even more. If i didnt waste my heart on men, lets subscribe and watch. Friends, we all know and love the film magazine erolash, probably everyone has their own favorite story, you know what my favorite is, a little girl, about seven years old, goes to the store on her own for the first time in her life, its such a small rural store, there are many products there they sell it by weight, the girl goes and gets wildly excited, well , for the first time she walks up to the counter on wobbly legs, puts down an empty liter jar of he says to the seller in horror auntie, please pour some oil, but auntie has no time. she says on the phone, she has a tragedy in her personal life, takes the jar, mechanically the sour cream swells in there and puts it back, suddenly in this baby sevenyearold, an adult wakes up. Russian woman, she says woman, i asked for butter, but no sour cream, why are you so careless, the woman is in shock, pushes the phone away, takes the jar, shakes out the sour cream, washes it, pours oil, please, thank you, the girl removes the jar, puts it the second is clean, and here is sour cream. Unfortunately, many authors, screenwriters, directors remain behind the scenes, the public knows nothing about them, and i, as an author, am always incredibly pleased when my colleagues come out of the woodwork, meet the author of yarolash, author of hundreds of monologues for our pop stars, writer , playwright, alexey shcheglov. Hello, hello, dear, this is the courier calling, you ordered pizza, yes, yes, yes, you ordered it, i ordered it an hour ago, where are you anyway, at your place. My navigator is broken, tell me, what is your address . Sharika podshipnikovskaya street 12, what, ballbearing, pinched by balls, are you kidding me, or what . I ordered pizza an hour ago, now stomach juice is pouring out of my ears, quickly bring me my pizza, ball bearing 12. Ball, bearing. Sharika podshipnikovskaya, sharika podshipnikovskaya drying 12, damn you , sharika podshipnikovskaya, dear, and there is no other street nearby, there is a dead end of krzhenovsky bonchebruevich. Why is it all on my shift, and what is the first word . Krzhizhanovsky, krzhi, krzhi, krzhizhanovsky, korzhik, zhizha, socks, what is the second surname . Bonche bruevich, spongebob . So whats wrong with my pizza . Its getting cold, dear, quickly bring me my pizza, im dying of hunger here, and you cant remember the street. Dear, im on mira avenue, you tell me when to go, i know all the streets, so, look, you drive along mira avenue, then along prozhevalsky, then into zhegazhashchikevich lane, turn onto the highway. Through kryzhanovsky bonche bruevich to sharik podshipnikovskaya. Dear, were you talking to me just now . Well, with whom else . You remembered . What do you remember . How to go remember . Of course i remembered. Please remind me again. You drive along mira avenue, then along prozhevalsky. Then into dzhegazh bzhindzhakevich lane, turning onto kazopodlovskys bdashi, then to the podzhivlaner, through kryzhanovsky boncheevich to sharika podshipnikovskaya, hello, dear, but theres no other way to get to you, you can, look, turn onto zygmut sirakovsky through gasoldernaya scottorun, into krijaliy chavchavadze lane, then across the kuunena bridge, onto groom grzhimai street, then pokuchuk kainadzhirskaya. From manykina nevstruev, pokryzhanovsky bonchebruevich on sharika podshipnikovskaya, hey, hello, is the subscribers device turned off or is it outside the Network Coverage area . Hello, are you coming or not . Dear, what you just said is right or left, its straight, do you remember how to drive . Yes, ill be teaching for 30 years, i wont remember this, so thats enough, whats wrong with my pizza . Dear, while i was listening to you, i ate half the pizza, what did you do . Dear, why are you nervous, shes still cold. So, you know what, ill call you now at pizzeria, i will complain about you and you will be fired. Dear, so you dont mind if i finish your pizza, hey, hello, now ill call them, now ill arrange it for them, Italian Pizza is listening, hello, your courier didnt deliver my pizza, he ate it on the way, this is a disgrace, give me back my money, ok, respect. Come to us and we will return your money to you, but how to get to you . Its very simple, drive along zhum buylyl berdy avenue, then through abdakalyk urshak bashkaromalyeva lane to kurymbymbek zhakshyly street bagumbay, kyzy farhad, and what you just said, where is it anyway . In karagde, dear . I what . I got there, or something, on your left, no, dear, there should be your right, wait when this girl was 4 years old, she went to a performance by andrei mironov, she had a very important and responsible mission to bring out the lights, at a certain moment she came out on stage, but the bouquet was so huge, and the girl was so small that she was scared passed by andrei mironov, he caught up with her, took her in his arms, kissed her and said what a beauty, will be an artist, and as if looking into the water, our wonderful, talented beauty, actress and singer, oksana nevezhina. They say that the romance genre is outdated, i personally dont think so, my opinion is that we just need to change the words a little, lets try, sochi, damn, on a dark night, sochi is so long, i remember with you, and you are drunk on the sea and taking you into the distance on skis, hot sochi is soothing into the distance, and most importantly, cheerful. How i love you and for you now i will sing the romance again and again. I met him on the internet, he asked me out on a date, he asked me how to recognize you, i i wrote, i will be wearing a cherry shawl, but he writes, a shawl, its not fashionable, well, why this extreme fashion, we recognize each other freely, by the Cherry Blossoms in the summer. And then we decided, in our own way, that we would come to the first meeting, me with a bottle of cherry tincture, he with a cherry face, one summer. I decided to swim in a storm, but my cowardly husband said dont interfere, ill come in, a big wave rolled in, i felt in my clothes, screw it, everything that was was immediately washed away, and floated off somewhere into the distance, i screamed at. Take it to my husband to bring the swimsuit to me, i asked for an hour, two screams, no comes to impudence, and then i had to go to the shore, return to the moon, victorey. Just an acquaintance, one evening he was at home with me, dingdingding, dingdingding , the doorbell was ringing, i looked through the peephole, it was my husband leonid, in the city of omsk, on a business trip, it should have been him before , oh, how awkward, dingdingding, boomboomboom, now hes already knocking on the door. My guest, take the umbrella, from the balcony, in flight, in the moonlight, the umbrella did not open, secretly in the evening, ill go to the hospital , dingdingding, damn it, damn it, damn it, there is one conclusion here, you have to keep it home for friends paroshut, once she was offended by her husband and decided to punish her harshly, you sleep on the sofa for a month, besides, you dont even think about pestering me for a year, but at night, a long, but moonlit night, she herself then suffered without heat, in europe this is the country , shes not the only one suffering, why , like a fool, she imposed sanctions. In europe, this country is not alone in suffering, why, like a fool , imposed sanctions, hop, the first song, of course, was sung by a man, life seems tender to him. Yes, happiness is forever and romance is in this word, and romance is in it, because it again, we sing and sing and otsars, yes dawn, oh, once yes once again the tsar nazar will cheer us up, delight our souls, oh yes, once again, yes once again, the romance of the sunrise and the dawn will cheer us up, when once again it will cheer us up, delight our souls, romance, from tsars to tsars, oh once again, once again, the romance will amuse us and delight our souls, thats all, thank you oksana nevezhina. Today in this studio there are guests from Different Countries and songs without borders. I must tell my friends that these are our guests. From dagestan. Hello everyone, you know, this is how it was called in russian, hello andrey, andrey malakhovs evening show, today at 17 50 on the russia channel. 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And at the behest of the pike, well done, guy, soon, movies on weekends, anton, as they say now, my boyfriend, this is also my boyfriend, but ex, alexander nikitin, i really didnt know that anya was your daughter, hes too secretive, maria poroshina, i dont want to get burned by her again, i only have one woman, its you, i love you, let s be together like before, girls dont they are crying in the premiere today at 21 00 on the russia channel, the husband joyfully tells his wife imagine, my motherinlaw promised me a Porsche Cayenne for my birthday, she says, dear, you didnt hear, she said borscht and horseradish, i always wondered why so much. There are almost no jokes about motherinlaw about motherinlaw, but in due time it appeared the artist who sang the praises of her motherinlaw to the fullest, since then she has been called that, the main mother inlaw of the country, the marina stage, honored artist of russia, svetlana roshkova, in general the happiest person in the world, how much happiness there is in my life, i dont know, oh, actually just, ohohoh, its you, last year there was this happiness, i dont know, i thought id drown in this happiness, thats all, but what happened in the past, and i washed my down jacket , this is such happiness, i dont know, this, i bought a down jacket, i dont know what to do with it, well, well, how, which one to wash, i dont have any instructions, i think, well, ill put this in the washing machine, what will i get out of it . Yes, well, and then my friend lyuska comes running to me and says thats it, i found instructions for you, here you go, you did everything according to the instructions, washed it, and what . And now my windbreaker has peeled off to the ground, and march 8th is actually the cherry on the cake, march 8th, vanik and i had such a blast, its, i dont know, nabrdershavts. Oh, thats it, oh, we danced with him without a gag, thats it, i tossed him up, didnt catch him even once, oh, girls, i fell asleep, happy, oh, thats it, how bad i woke up the next morning. Oh, i had a hard time finding my eyes, i opened one eye, sharpened the focus, i thought, oh, why am i covered in flowers, and then i remembered, this is march 8th, this is this, vadik pulled this out for me million, million, million, grown up. Such happiness, opened my eyes to the fullest, lord, im in a flowerbed, no, you understand, im not complaining , im not complaining, im a happy person, then i have everything for happiness, girls, what do i need, i have horoscopes , this is the most important thing, yes, everything is there in horoscopes, life is there, i well in these horoscopes, i am from morning to night, because only. In the horoscope i always have travel, i have relationships there in the horoscope, i even have money there, all the money is in the horoscope, but then when i got sick, i went to doctors, she wrote me such a list, she said go to the pharmacy , maybe theyll give you something, i came to the pharmacy, i said, girls, i went in, they calculated everything for me there , they named him too, i ran back to the pharmacy, told all this to lyuska, and lyuska says that you are running back and forth, that you are running around, now everyone has been treated with folk remedies for a long time, i want to know what hurts you, apply a cat to the body, the cat will definitely fall on the place where i tied the badger for 3 days, after 3 days the infection broke out and landed on my wallet, i i think everything cant be like this, it cant be like this, i didnt dream about this, but how do i live, but what is this life, or what . I remember, i dreamed that i would grow up, i would become a fashion model, thats it, ill change my life, i ll be happy, thats it. Ill go to the casting, the time has come, im already 50, i came to casting, this is a commission that sits, says woman, surprise us, i danced a blade for them, i threw the chairman, five times i didnt catch it even once. He says woman, i, i cant hurt you deeply, but you dont look like a fashion model, you understand, you look more like an identikit, i say, whats wrong with me . Two arms and two legs, he says, well, your arms are like legs, and your legs are like a rake, we need other characters, you know, others, we need someone slimmer, younger, you are already 50, i say, yes, 50, but the government is me convinced that this is the beginning of life, im still one step away from retirement, he says, why are you growling like that , god forbid you have a stroke, sit down, drink some water, well figure out something, but while were thinking, you go home, work on yourself , watch your figure, i say, yes, ive been watching this parasite all my life, as soon as i turn away, shes already eating something, i cant sleep normally, i have a bed like this, and im always. On the edge i lie down on my side all the time, because im waiting for the top to come, to bite off the hated tank, the top is not yet i came, my sides were with me, but my friend, lyuska, came, looked at me, said, sanya, you clearly dont have enough man, three times. A day, i say, what am i against, or something, but im only for it, well, where can i get it, lyusya, where, i want Something Like behind a stone wall, and whats around, she says, yes, around solid drywall, well, he says, nothing, search on the internet, i say, i searched, well, i found one for a classmate. It seems okay, he seems nice, by the way, brad pitt, well , we agreed to meet, we met in a cafe, thats it, lucy, i understand, i understand that this is not my person, you will never have anything with him, you understand that we are different people, well, we met in a cafe, well, well, im trembling all over, because well , i was on a date for the last time in 905, well, we sat down at the table, the waitress comes up and asks what you will order, i say, baby, i cant even think, well, im on edge, bring 100 g of cognac, and the man too, he says no, no, no, god forbid, please, i need 200 g of ice cream, i say, i say, nonsense, im not sure what youre drinking, he says, well, if honestly, according to my passport, im a donkey, i say, the initials are he and a, lyus says, what a donkey , what nonsense hes pete, how i am, how young, are you stupid or something, have you forgotten that a man, the older, the richer, like silver in your hair, gold in your teeth. In the kidneys, i say, you know, lyusa, when i was little, a girl, i was friends with a boy, we were the same age, well, as long as it was necessary, but to fly, that was the relationship, lyusya, well, we played with him , well, as usual, children, as if he were my husband and as if he was working, and i was his its like ive been waiting all day, all the time im baking pies, this is from the sandbox, im making pies, he comes, and i immediately give him some pies. And he seemed to sit down, lucy, he was eating, so he was crying and eating, my sand pies, ive never had a better relationship in my life, she says, thats right, because the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, and you still dont know how to cook , i say, i can, i learned what to be able to do, it boiled, throw it in, it surfaced, take it out, she says, well tanya, with such an attitude towards cooking, you you will never be happy, you will have no one to send valentines to, i say, what did you just say . She says there will be no one to send you valentines to, i say, i dont care about them, what valentines, look. At me, where am i, where are those valentines, yes, im a draft horse, im galloping through life , ive worn out my hooves, theres a bug in the stump, what do you think, that i m dreaming about valentines, yes, in the morning ive already been dreaming about a stall, shes for me, thats it, i galloped up. Eat a chocolate bar, i say, go ahead, no one in the model takes it anyway, i took it and ate it, just like that thats it, i ate it, and now im thinking whether i unwrapped it or not, what difference does it make . I ate it, a miracle happened, girls, i ate Something Sweet and it seemed to make me feel better, then we got some more mucus, semisweet, and in general, i was in trouble, i was sitting there, already relaxed, happy, and i thought that i had screwed myself up. Yes, i have everything for happiness, and horoscopes, and lyuska, they came up with these valentines, you will choke on them, these valentines, i need them, ill cut hearts from sausage for february 14th, i ll set the table, ill call lyuska. So lets sit like human beings, talk and laugh, fight, and we will be happy, happy to everyone, good luck, joy, have a good rest, friends. A wonderful artist, a dreamer, mikhail belov, i was nervous in the morning, nothing was going well, it was a strange blues, in the end i got tired of it, i once ran to the doctor for advice, but after examining me the doctor said with a smile, oh, my friend, all your fears are simple. Nonsense, but so as not to be nervous, you always remember that with a little imagination, selfhypnosis will help you, from now on imagine, im cheerful and healthy, and as they say, i forgot about doctors, but if i start to get nervous or two, i immediately remember these wise words a little bit of imagination, selfhypnosis will help us, in the morning sophia loren serves me tea at home, all in furs, diamonds in a fashionable kneelength skirt, but before the doctor i could have thought of this i dream that sophila could become my wife, but with a little imagination, selfhypnosis will help us, in a swallows car, i go out of town every weekend, partly on another, i wouldnt be able to, there is no doubt, mistake a doctor for a swallows car bike, but a little game imagination, selfhypnosis will help us, but maybe some of you would like to meet the stars of the tv screen now, so then imagine that my dad is jean marais, and that the stars are performing in front of you ha, what good a sitting alone in your room, come here the music play, life is cabry, old chum, come to the cab, hello darling, this is dan, its so nice to have you back where you blown. If youre blue and you dont know where to go to, why dont you go where fashion sits . Under it, so a little imaginary play. Help us selfhypnosis, our anniversary festival continues to remind us of round dates, now i want to invite the stage of the oldest participant in humor, he. Is turning 200 years old, yes, yes, yes, you heard right, 200, the fact is that in 1822, german inventor, christian buschmann, first came up with the form of a Musical Instrument that would later be called the accordion. I think all accordions in the world dream of being in his virtuoso hands at least once in their lives. Meet peter dranga. Hello, on the russia tv channel, in studio Irina Rossius and the main topic for this hour. Exacerbation of the palestinianisraeli conflict. Hamas attacked israeli cities with rocket attacks and captured several large populated areas. Netanyahu declared mobilization in the country and put the country under martial law. How are events developing