Just let it go, sheldon. If i could, i would, but i cant, so i shant. Now, knowing penny, the obvious answer is, they engaged in coitus. But. Since thats what it looked like, we can rule that out. Lets put on our thinking cap, shall we . Raj is from india, a tropical country. Third world hygiene. Parasitic infections are common, such as pinworms. Mmhmm. The procedure for diagnosing pinworms is to wait until the subject is asleep, and the worms crawl out of the rectum for air. Yes, just like that. Penny could have been inspecting rajs anal region for parasites. Oh, boy. Thats a true blue friend. They slept together, sherlock. No, you werent listening. She said its not what it looks like. She lied. Oh. Dont i look silly sitting here wearing this . Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started. Wait the earth began to cool the autotrophs began to drool, neanderthals developed tools we built the wall we built the pyramids math, science, history, unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang bang are you all ready, are you ready, get set, are you ready . Are you all ready, are you ready, get set. Woof, woof, woof. The holidays are coming. And theyre going to be big. Get an extra 5 off our every day low prices, and Free Shipping with your redcard. Plus our new holiday price match. When it comes to home insurance, surprises can be a little scary. And a little costly. Thats why the best agents present their clients with a lot of options. Because when it comes to whats covered and whats not, nobody likes surprises. [ click ] [ chuckles ] we totally thought [ all scream ] obscure space junk falling from the sky . We cover that. Moving on. Aah, aah, aah, aah. [ male announcer ] we are insurance. We are farmers bum, badabum, bum, bum, bum hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Leonard, is it awkward for you knowing that one of your dear friends had sexual intercourse with a woman you used to love in the very place you lay your head . No, im fine with it. That sounds like sarcasm, but im going to disregard it, because i have an agenda paintball. Specifically, the interdepartmental tournament this weekend. In order to function better as a fighting unit, i thought we should establish a chain of command. Now, it goes without saying that i would outrank the three of you, but the question remains, by how much . Now, i dont see me as some fourstar general, back at hq riding a desk and playing golf with the secretary of defense. But i also cant be Sergeant Cooper because that might lead you to think of me as just a regular joe. This might take some thought. As you were. What the hell is wrong with you . Yeah, how could you do that . What is it to you . I got his back. Yeah, right. Youre just jealous because it turns out im pennys 2 choice after leonard. Hey, if i wasnt engaged to bernadette, that totally could have been me. Please. Sheldon would have been before you, and he might not even have genitals why do you care so much . Youre dating my sister, and penny and i are in love. What . what . gentlemen, if i may interject, ive decided my rank will be captain. If its good enough for kirk, crunch, and kangaroo, its good enough for me. Youre not in love with penny. Yes, i am. The god kamadeva has shot us with his flowery arrows of love. Who . Hes the hindu version of cupid, but way better, because he rides a giant parrot. Raj, come on. You fall in love with any girl who smiles at you. A month ago, you were writing poems about his fiancee. Im sorry. What . Rubbish. Hes talking rubbish. Oh, bernadette, please play my clarinet. That could have been about anyone. Besides, you have nothing to worry about, because now im the dusky half of koothrapenny. For the record, i do have genitals. Theyre functional and aesthetically pleasing. groans well. knocking oh. Coming. Yup, thats good. Wine glasses should have handles. Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. Smart idea considering how trampy you get when youve had a few. You heard what i did . Well, i heard who you did. grunts oh, my god, i screwed up everything. I hurt leonard. I hurt raj. I mean, what is wrong with me . I feel like two totally different people dr. Jekyll and mrs. Whore. Dont be so hard on yourself. Do you know the story of catherine the great . No. She ruled russia in the late 1700s, and one night, when she was feeling particularly randy, she used an Intricate System of pulleys to have intimate relations with a horse. Im. Im sorry. What does this have to do with me . She engaged in interspecies hankypanky, and people still call her great. Im sure your reputation can survive you shagging a Little Indian boy. knocking sighs you jerk face what did you tell howard . did you say there was something going on between us . Because he thinks there is hes completely freaking out please, come in. What the hell is wrong with you . well. You were always so nice to me, i thought maybe you liked me. Im nice to everyone im sorry. Damn right, youre sorry and you tell howard theres never been anything between us i will. Hey, bernadette . What . do you think i have a shot with penny . Of course you do. Youre a cutie pie any girl would be lucky to have you you know, ive done this before. In kindergarten, i was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen at recess, but by the time my class got out there, he was already engaged to chelsea himmelfarb. So what did i do . Hung upside down from the monkey bars, let all the boys see my underpants. You cant blame yourself. When your prefrontal cortex fails to make you happy, promiscuity rewards you with the needed flood of dopamine. We neurobiologists refer to this as the skank reflex. You know what . Lets get out of here. Where are we going . Somewhere where no ones seen me naked. We may have to drive a while. clears throat can i stay at your place for a few nights . Really . A best friend sleepover . Yay. Yeah, sure. Yay well make popcorn, stay up all night and ill teach you my secret language, op. Sounds great. Nope. Sounds gop rop e a top. Yeah, im gonna go pack a bag. No, youre not. Youre gonna pop a cop kop a bop a gop. Do we really have to wear this camouflage crap to play paintball . Who said that . Leonard, i can hear your voice, but i cant see you. Im not in the mood, sheldon. Oh, there you are leonard, i know youre upset about recent events, and i have someone here to help. I dont want to talk to amy. No, its not amy. Hello, dear. You called my mother . Oh, leonard, is it really necessary to caption the obvious . Hes been like that since he was a toddler. Look, mommy a butterfly. Maddening. Whats going on . What do you want . Sheldon informed me that youre experiencing an emotional upheaval, and im here to help. Thats so nice. And were back to the obvious. Now, whats up . Well, uh. Okay. Um. I dont want to get back together with penny. We tried it; it was crazy; it didnt work, but i cant deal with the fact that she slept with my friend raj. And then i find out that rajs sister priya, who ive been going out with for eight months, is moving back to india. So im just completely confused and alone. I understand. Got any advice . Yes. Buck up. Excuse me. Youre a worldrenowned expert in parenting and child development, and all youve got is buck up . Sorry. Buck up, sissypants. Thanks, mother. I feel much better. If you need any more help from me, my books are available on amazon. Logging off. blnwo and other consideration for the Big Bang Theory provided by with bacon and i portabella mushrooms. Have you had lunch yet . With bacon and i portabelnope. Shrooms. Thats the power of wendys new hot and melty bacon portabella melt. Now thats better. Ninetynine, one hundred. Its like a waterfall of liquid gold. My turn. sighs you know, i dont even know what the point of me staying in l. A. Is. I havent gotten a single acting job since i moved out here. The closest i came was last month i got a callback for a hemorrhoid commercial. Oh, i could so see you being the face of hemorrhoids. I know, right . sighs maybe i should just move back to nebraska. No, i cant let you do that. Why not . knocking for the first time ever, i have a thriving social life. And no pressure, but it kind of lives and dies with you. Hi, amy. Can i talk to penny . A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door . I wish i could tell 13yearold me it does get better. How did you know i was here . Its all over her facebook page. Ill take your stuff to the bedroom and clear out a drawer. Thanks. No problem. Try and keep it in your pants, okay . So, hi. Whats up . I was wondering if youre free friday. Theyre having a totally 80s night at the greek. Hall oates, katrina and the waves and threefifths of kajagoogoo. chuckles oh. Gee, thats really sweet, but the thing is. Aw, theres a thing. Look, honey, i was really drunk and made a huge mistake last night. We shouldve never slept together. Its what ruins friendships. You cant ruin a friendship with sex. Thats like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles. Come here. Just listen to me. I want to go back to the way we were before. You know, friends. No sprinkles. Oh. All right. Thank you. sighs well, uh. clears throat as your friend, you might like to know that, um. We didnt have sex in the conventional sense. Oh, god. Did you pull some weird indian crap on me . No, no. After we got undressed and jumped in bed, youyou asked if i had protection. Oh, you did, didnt you . Of course. Im always packing. Anyway, um, i had trouble putting it on and you tried to help and. That was all she wrote. So, we didnt actually. I did. It was beautiful. Oh please, please promise me you wont tell anybody about this. Of course i wont. No, i wont. Oh, good. exhales and, um, can i tell people that our love burned too bright and too quickly . Kind of a candle in the wind deal . Sure. Cool. Can i say it fell apart because you were all, i want to have your babies, and i was like, im too rock and roll to be tied down . No. Can i say i ruined you for white men . Also no. Okay, just the candle thing. Yeah. Cool. All right. Friend. Hmm. Ill see you around. Okay. Raj, wait. Thank you for being my friend. Penny . Mmhmm . Its getting beautiful again. All right, this is a google earth view of the field of battle. I dont see anything. Give it a second to load. Whenever youre ready, at t okay, here we go. This is us here. To the south is professor loomis and the geology department. According to their twitter feed, theyre out of sunblock, which means theyll have to hug the tree line or risk melanoma. Thats our edge. All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge, the rockworshipping pastyfaced bastards wont know what hit them all right, lets move out. Hang on, sheldon. How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to india . Maybe he was too busy writing clumsy penis metaphors about my fiancee. Screw you. That was a beautifully written penis metaphor. You know what, guys, im not in the mood for paintball. What do you say we just bag it . Fine with me. Sure, whatever. You cant quit. Thats a Court Martial offense. Thats punishable by. You cant quit. Sorry, sheldon, its just not a good time for playing games. This is a game to you . Uh, was the battle of antietam a game . Huh . Was the sack of rome a game . Yes, no, and no. Wait. I just want you all to know that i forgive you. This mutiny isnt your fault. Its mine. I havent earned these bars. Although what i lack in leadership, apparently i more than make up for in sewing. Let it go, sheldon. Ill get you a jamba juice on the way home. No. Jamba juice is for heroes. And thats what were going to be. What are you doing . Following in the footsteps of kirk, crunch, and kangaroo. people shouting in distance geology isnt a real science paintball guns popping popping ceases damn those sons of bitches lets get em eat paint yelling if theres ever a church of sheldon, this will be when it started. paintball guns popping ow id like to propose a toast to the man whose noble sacrifice inspired our victory captain sheldon cooper. Hear, hear. Hear, hear. Excuse me. Its major sheldon cooper. With my last breath, i awarded myself a battlefield promotion. Its kind of a big deal. knocking hi. You guys have a minute . Uh, yeah, sure. Okay. Um. clears throat well, i already talked to raj, but i wanted to apologize to the rest of you for, you know, everything. Please, penny, let me. clears throat weve decided to let our crazy, wonderful night together be just one of those memories you have and can call to mind when youre feeling blue or youre in the shower. Hey, what you doing, quick draw . Sorry. Go on. clears throat anyways, i wanted you guys all to know that ive been taking a really hard look at things and come to the conclusion i have to stop kidding myself. I suck at acting. Its time for me to move back to nebraska. Youre leaving . Yeah. What are you going to do in nebraska . I dont know, maybe teach acting. cell phone ringing oh, sorry. Hold on. Hello . Penny, listen, i hope youre not doing this cause of you and me, because i have a girlfriend, and youre a single woman. Shh its my agent. Its my agent. Youre kidding. Oh, my gosh. I cant believe it really . oh, im so excited thank you so much. Okay, bye. I got the hemorrhoid commercial i start monday what about nebraska . Oh, hell with nebraska. Im gonna be a star door closes have you ever thought of teaching physics . Ready to ride . I dont think so, mom. Not today. Oh, sweetie. Hemorrhoids acting up again . You dont know the half of it. Oh, yes, i do. Try a dab of this. Rosescented preparationh for women . Now, the h is for her. Im proud of you. Shh here comes my joke. How you doing . Sittin pretty. Captioning sponsored by cbs and warner bros. Television captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org
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