Tonight, one stone overturned. Plus, stephen welcomes julia louisdreyfus. And musical guest moses sumney. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey you look good dont they look good . So good cheers and applause beautiful hey nice, i like it. Thank you so much, everybody. Please, have a seat. My friends, good to see you. Welcome. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The 2020 election applause everybody is excited. You know why, jon . Its because the 2020 election is finally under way. Jon its going. Stephen yeah, today was the New Hampshire primary. So after a year of campaigning, we only have nine months to go. laughter ill give you all the latest in tonights edition of. I have a plan for that. A progressive agenda. horn beeping youre a lying dogfaced pony soldier. I think they will end up being the losers. Fury road to the white house, 2020. cheers and applause stephen steyer is cut, man. Steyer looks good. Jon he got cut. Stephen now, we taped the show before the polls closed today, so we dont know who won in New Hampshire. Or iowa. But laughter we know the results from the midnight primaries held in towns like Dixville Notch. Dixville notch, of course, a tiny hamlet on the border of taintown trench, next to grundleton, penis township, and munchbutt canyon. laughter the Dixville Notch primary had msnbcs Brian Williams pretty excited. As we watch this, this will be like an athletic event. We can do color commentary. First of all, we need to establish that Northern New England is staggeringly beautiful, and that there are portions of northern New Hampshire where moose way outnumber people, as it should be. laughter stephen as it should be . Thats a little odd, but it explains his signoff as williams for msnbc, im Brian Williams. Bow before our moose masters, you human scum. Good night. laughter Dixville Notch had a surprise winner former new york mayor michael bloomberg, seen here stopping and frisking little bunny foofoo. laughter jon whoa, snap stephen got to stop and frisk him, hes bopping those field mice on the heads. laughter bloomberg won dixville in a landslide, but thats not saying much, given that the town only has five residents. laughter five he used his overwhelming cash advantage to buy targeted advertising, like kevin, vote for me. Ill make sure carol comes back. laughter and this one carol, vote for me. I promise to keep kevin away. The other big midnight winner was minnesota senator amy klobuchar, seen here doing a tight five at the pot luck. Even though bloomberg snagged Dixville Notch, when the three midnight primaries, Dixville Notch, harts location, and millsfield, were tallied together, klobuchar had won the most votes, with a whopping total of eight. Or as joe biden put it, wow, eight. That reminds me of the number of years i spent in the white house with barack obama. cheers and applause yeah. cheers and applause worth it, totally worth it. Of course, the Vice President s not doing all that well in the granite state. Before the votes were even counted tonight, biden and his wife flew out to a South Carolina launch party. Doesnt exactly sound confident. Thats like a guy on his wedding day saying, to love, honor, and cherish till death do us part. Now, if youll excuse me, i have a date. laughter on the eve hello. On the eve of the democratic primary, President Trump held a rally in manchester, New Hampshire, because he couldnt stand the idea of other people getting any attention. And while he was up there, he took some time to complain about House Speaker nancy pelosi. On tuesday, i delivered my address on the state of the union, and i had somebody behind me who was mumbling terribly, mumbling mumbling, wah, wah, oh, ah. Stephen huh. Audience boo stephen that was really late on that. But ive got to ask, have i been using the word mumbling incorrectly . as trump she was mumbling oh, ha, ho, ha. She was stuttering swish, swish, swish and worst of all, she kept whistling chachachachacha chachacha now, trump trump took time to tell the people of nearby concord how much he loves concord. Concord, concord, i love concord. cheers and applause i love concord oh, concord. You know how famous concord. Is . Concord, thats the same concord that we read about all the time, right . Concord. I love concord stephen first of all. You do not read any of the time. Second, no, that is not that same concorde. That concorde is in massachusetts. as trump oh, concord, i love concord your city once fought the red coats with a supersonic jet that could make the trip from new york to london in record time. Oh, concorde i love your grape juice concorde, i love you speaking of things that he loves speaking of things that he actually loves, trump introduced a very special guest. Also, a woman that not too many people know. Very powerful, very smart. Very beautiful even though im not allowed to say that, because shes my daughter ivanka. audience reacts stephen wow. Thats weird. He says hes not allowed to say it, and he knows why hes not allowed to say it because of all the other creepy ways he has said it. But then he says it anyway. Hed be terrible in a horror movie. as trump okay, im not allowed to say candyman five times in a mirror, but. Candyman, candyman, candyman, candyman oh, hi, candyman. Looking good. Or thrsome . Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice. Come on, the three come on. Come on take the hook off your hand, because weve got to. cheers and applause fine family joke. You know, sometimes you feel like donald trump is corrupting all of the Democratic Institutions that we hold dear. Well, ive got some good news for you youre not crazy to feel that way. And the latest example is the case of trump crony and man voted best dressed at nuremburg, roger stone. Last year audience reacts jon whoa, whoa, whoa. Stephen a lot of stone fans here tonight. Last year, stone was convicted of seven felonies, including lying under oath, forging documents, engaging in a relentless and elaborate campaign to silence a witness by threatening bodily harm. And, by the looks of him, im going to say, attempting to turn gotham citys water supply into marmalade. laughter these these are all serious crimes. Stone faced a maximum penalty of 50 years in prison. But, prosecutors asked for a sentence of just seven to nine years. We have a computer projection of what roger stone will look like in nine years. There you go. laughter and applause but, these prosecutors, even that lighter sentence didnt sit well with stones old pal donald trump, who tweeted, this is a horrible and very unfair situation. Real crimes were on the other side, as nothing happens to them. Cannot allow this miscarriage of justice audience reacts trump sbe of shhy all stone needs to get out is to roll doubles. laughter okay . Or pay 50 bucks. cheers and applause go to free parking. Do not pass go. cheers and applause jon give me some doubles stephen then, by some impossible coincidence how could it be . It was announced that the Justice Department will take the extraordinary step of lowering the recommended prison time for roger stone. audience booing stephen so that was the one i was looking for earlier, by the way. So donald trump and his attorney general are using the Justice Department to go easy on his cronies. The only difference between this and a Banana Republic is that trump does not eat fruit. laughter trump was asked about the stone case today in the white house. But first, he showed off a little project hes been working on. We have four trilliondollar companies. One is microsoft, one is apple, one is google, one is amazon. So you have amazon, google, apple, and microsoft. And so you have an m, you have an a, you have a g, and you have an a. You have maga. Maga applause see, look at that. audience reacts stephen no, no, no, no fair is fair. Hes right. You do get that. And, if you rearrange the letters in the name donald trump, they spell plod turdman. cheers and applause its just as true. Its just as true. I want that on a red hat. Regarding the stone sentencing, trump insisted he didnt make any special requests. Id be able to do it, if i wanted. I have the absolute right to do it. I stay out of things to a degree that people wouldnt believe. Stephen youre right. I wouldnt believe. The only things you stay out of are books, salad bar lines, and shoes that have to be laced up. laughter in response to trumps carriage of misjustice, all four of roger stones prosecutors have resigned. Thats right, they all walked. It must not have been easy for them to find the exit, since bill barr has relocated the d. O. J. Up trumps ass. cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Julia louisdreyfus is here. But when we return, meanwhile yes, that meanwhile this is hal. This is hals heart. Its been broken. And put back together. This is also hals heart. And his relief, knowing hes covered by Blue Cross Blue Shield. This is hals heart. And its beating better than ever. This is what medicare from Blue Cross Blue Shield does for hal. And with easy access to quality healthcare, imagine what we can do for you. This is the benefit of blue. Too many afterparties. New neutrogena® bright boost with dullnessfighting neoglucosamine. Boosts cell turnover by 10 times for instantly brighter skin. Bright boost neutrogena®. [ natural drums and [ music begins to build ]] [ drums beat faster ] introducing an unlimited coffee subscription for 8. 99 a month. At panera, your cup is always full. Written for the bold thand the daredevils. Ny what happens here. Only happens here. Tat your door, so you can get more. Feels so good feels so good target run done. [ t its the timeon bof the season when love runs high teacher keep on teaching preacher keep on preaching band playing stephen oh welcome back, everybody jon batiste and stay human, everybody give it up for the band right there cheers and applause jon come on stephen jon, jon, you know, you know i love all my guests. I love all my guests equally. Theyre like my children. Jon thats right. Family. Stephen but there are some guests who i just love a little bit more than the others. And tonight, i hold in my hands, questions for miss julie louis dreyfus. cheers and applause this is not just a guest. Not just a guest, but a national treasure, a national treasure. They should keep her on ice. And tomorrow, mr. Will ferrell will be here, her costar in the new movie downhill. Jon two in a row stephen back to back. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Ive got to ive got to limber up. You know, folks, i spend a lot spend a lot of time over there, sprinkling the silk sheets with rose petals, chilling a magnum of dom perignon, to create the perfect romantic evening of news that is my monologue. But sometimes, sometimes, folks . I like to run to the rite aid at the last minute, pick through the damaged candy boxes of leftover stories, slap a ribbon on a bottle of cough syrup, and scratch out some of the details on a happy birthday grandpa card, to create the halfassed valentine of news that is my segment meanwhile cheers and applause stephen thats my valentine. Thats my valentine right there. Thats from me to me. Thats it. Nothing makes me happier. Meanwhile. laughter friday is valentines day. And after a bad year and the Company Nearly going bankrupt, the sweethearts conversation hearts are back. However, however they did not have enough time to set up the manufacturing process, and not all of the hearts will have sayings printed on them. Also, they wont be shaped like hearts, they wont be fun colors, and they are now meatballs. laughter happy valentines day. Meanwhile, this video went viral this weekend of cosmo the cougar, the official mascot of the Mormon Brigham Young university. cheers and applause stephen wow look what you can accomplish when youre not wasting your time having premarital sex. laughter meanwhile, elon musks verdict on facebook is its lame and you should delete it, because if theres anyone i trust to tell me whats cool, its elon musk. Yeah that is not lame meanwhile meanwhile, Keith Richards has quit smoking. Well, im glad hes taking care of himself before its too late. laughter cheers and applause moisturize. Youve got to moisturize. Meanwhile, in romance news, the san antonio zoo is holding a fundraiser in which you can name a cockroach after your ex and watch an animal eat it on valentines day for just 5. cheers by the way, that scene is also in the directors cut of marriage story. laughter by the way, naming a cockroach after your ex and watching it get devoured is the perfect way to say, screw you, stacy and also, you clearly made the right choice, stacy. But if a cockroach isnt enough, you can pay 20 more to have them name a rat and feed it to a reptile instead, and the zoo plans to stream the feedings on facebook live. And i think we have a picture of one of the facebook reptiles. Yes. Look at those cold, dead eyes. applause jon oooh stephen meanwhile, sex for unmarried people in virginia might be legal soon. Because until now, it was actually illegal for people in virginia to have consensual sex outside of marriage. Shocking, i know. But its always been right there in their slogan virginia is for overthepants stuff. laughter meanwhile, an ohio minister and podcaster named Dave Daubenmire says he wants to sue the n. F. L. Because the super bowl halftime show made him horny. laughter i hope he means this years half time show, because i would hate to think he was aroused by palywhat gotaubenmire all daubenmired up was the pepsi halftime show featuring shakira and jennifer lopez. Daubenmire took to the internet to vent his very specific problems with it. I saw a lot of crotch shots dare i say that . Crotch shots, from last nights super bowl. Im looking for a lawyer out there, or somebody who would join me in a Class Action Lawsuit against pepsi, the n. F. L. , my local cable company. I dont know who all we would sue. But sue as many people as we want to, for pandering pornography. Jennifer lopez, by the way, is 50 years old. 50 years old. Folks, im going to say this again, really, really slow. Jlo is 50. You go on your porn website, youre not looking for 50year old women. Youre looking for 24yearold women. audience reacts stephen excuse me . Porn enthusiasts dont want to see 50yearold women, sir . Does the term milf mean nothing to you . cheers and applause no no im sorry, im angry but im a little confused how daubenmire thinks hes going to win this lawsuit, so ive invited him here to explain. Please welcome reverend Dave Daubenmire hello, stephen. Hi, there. Hello, stephen. Thanks for having me on your filthy, latenight, sinand jazzmusic revue. Stephen my pleasure, sir. My first question is, can you really sue the super bowl for having sexy dancers . Oh, it wasnt just the dancers. Everything in that halftime show shuddered with pure eroticism the lights, the shape of the football, the pepsi logo. I mean, look at it its a dolphin going to town on itself under a red umbrella its totally obvious. Stephen i dont see it. But sir, why didnt you just change the channel . That wouldnt work, stephen. This filth is everywhere. Youve got those golden girls shaking their bathrobed butts this way and that. Then the commercials start, and youve got that depraved koolaid man, with his full round curves, that rockhard handle, red frothy juice sloshing up and down the sides of the jug. No wall can keep him in stephen okay well, thats all we have time for. I hope your halftime lawsuit goes well. Im also suing jugz magazine i bought a copy, and it only had human women. Where are the humanoid juice men . Stephen you laughter youve disturbed my audience, sir. I know. Stephen you seem very serious about this. Im coming for you, juice man stephen Dave Daubenmire, everyone you too, Stephen Stephen well be right back with julia louisdreyfus. 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Heres what i think youre not picking up on. This was a huge event for our family, okay. And, sir, i dont want to make this a legal matter between us. I dont. Really . No, i dont want what im saying is what i dont want. Were not in america where you sue because your coffee is hot, madam. Screw you. Im an attorney. Yh, well,omeoneeeds to hear it. Thank you for your time. And no thank you for your time, from me. That is for certain. Ive got it, okay . Okay. Stephen please welcome back to the late show, Julia Louis Dreyfus applause cheers and applause thank you woooo thank you sit sit thank you stephen delightful. Wow. Stephen so nice to see you again. Im going to come back here every night. I hope so, i hope so. God, its so good to see you. Stephen nice to see you, too. My friend Stephen Stephen always a delight to see you. Now, we all just saw you recently at the oscars with your costar hold on a second with your costar, will ferrell. Yes, thats us. cheers and applause stephen that was this weekend. Now, im fancy. Im not this fancy. Yeah. Stephen i have never been i have never been. Is it fun . Is oscar night fun . I can tell you something . Id never been. Stephen really, how is that possible . Thats what i want to know. Stephen its Julia Louis Dreyfus. I know, thats what ive been saying for years. That apparently doesnt fly. Anyway stephen its on your license. Exactly. No, but it was actually totally thrilling to be there. It really was. And also terrifying. Im so glad that our bit is over because i was really nervous. Stephen sure. It went great. Thank you. Yeah. It was fun to do. Stephen im being told it went great. Im being told it went really good, really great. Would you have had as much fun if you were nominated, do you think . No. Stephen because you can just go and have fun. But if youre nominated, you have to pretend to be having fun. Yeah, i mean there is tension in the room, theres no doubt about it. They had all these musical acts this year. Elton john is performing. It was cool as hell. Stephen parties or anything like that . We we went to the governors ball right afterwards. And very briefly, but then we had to get home because i was flying to new york to come and do this crap here. So. Stephen im so sorry. Yeah. applause you prevented me from stephen i apologize from having a really long night, yeah. Stephen as i said, your costar from downhill, will ferrell, presented with you. Its an adaptation of a 2014 swedish film called force majeure. Thats correct. Stephen can you give people the premise . Can we say the event . Are we doing that . Yes, im going to explain that, yes. Its an american adaptation of this swedish film, and essentially what the film is about is, an American Family is on vacation in austria, and i feel like i should be directing this to our group. Stephen sure, thats fine. Ive already heard it. Okay. And theyre having a lovely time. Theyre about a day into their vacation. Theyre on the mountain. Theyre eating outside, having lunch at an outdoor restaurant on the mountain. All of a sudden theres a boom. They look up, and theres an avalanche coming very but its very, very, very far away. And as people stand up and start taking pictures and so on. But then it seems to get closer and closer. And all of a sudden, its, like, really close. And all of a sudden, it seems as if its almost upon them. And its about to hit them. And the mother, who i play that part applause woohoo, for moms yay for mothers, right . And the mom grhe and the dad, played by my friend will ferrell, grabs his cell phone and runs in the other direction. laughter and thats where the movie takes off. And its about the sort of the unraveling of that moment rward,eah, yeah. Stephen uhhuh. Its harrowing to watch. Its a really funny movie. But that moment, every i think every man who watches that thinks, what would i have done . Know. I know. Stephen you say to yourself, i would never run. Of course not. No, of course, not. Stephen but then you dont know. Have you talked about this with your lovely husband, brad . Yes, well he would absolutely stay and protect me. laughter stephen do you think do you think he would stay . Do i think he would stay . Stephen do you think you would stay . Oh no, i would take off like a bat out of hell. No, of course i would stay. My children and everything, 100 . We all think we would stay. But what this movie really is about is good people sometimes make bad choices. Stephen sure. And how does one redeem themselves from those moments . Stephen yes. And thats really what the story is about. Or sort of own up to it, you know. Its about telling the truth. And stephen in a lot of different ways. Correct. Stephen they end up telling each other the truth in a lot of very uncomfortable and funny ways. Tense. Stephen in tense ways, yes, yes, yes. Its very tense. Stephen and if youve ever just taken your kids skiing, just the tension of getting your kids ready to go skiing. Oh my god, its unbelievable. Stephen forcing the feet into those boots. Oh, and the crying and its freezing, and you finally get them dressed and theyre boiling and they want to talk it off, you know. Stephen and theyre missing one glove. Right. Yeah we have that scene. Stephen theres a scene where theyre missing one glove, and my wife and i clutched on to each other for the whole thing. Yeah. I know, it was very tense. Stephen very tense. But good tense. Youll dig it. Stephen definitely its a great valentines day movie if your relationship is really solid before you go into the film. Exactly. laughter stephen now, listen, you shot in austria. I did. Stephen nice work if you can get it. Tell me about it. Stephen yeah. We were in the alps for, like, two months. Stephen and youre one of the producers on this film. I am. Stephen and you were like, lets shoot this in austria. Totally. Stephen and you ski, right . I do ski. Stephen so this is all working out for you. Yeah, except to say its not like we could shut the mountain down and sort of have it to ourselves. Its not like we were it was pretty sort of runandgun. And it was really cold. And we were on the mountaintop all day long shooting in natural light, et cetera, et cetera. Stephen sure, sure, sure. So we should be sympathetic for your plight. We should say, i cant believe you had to suffer through. Pity me, pity me, everyone. Stephen you sent along some photos here. Its very glam. Stephen where is this . This is me and will in our dressing room. clears throat trying to warm it up with some wood to put it into the fire. laughter by the way, im not kidding. This is where we were hanging out waiting to come outside. This is this tiny little shack on the mountaintop. Stephen and everybody still have their fingers and toes at the end of this . Last i checked, but you never know. Stephen this is holding, the glamorous holding area. This is the holding area up top on the alps. For real i mean, it was nice to have the chair, i got to tell you. Stephen did you guys have oxygen . They had oxygen there. Stephen did you ever hit it . No. Stephen not even a little no, im tough as nails. What are you talking about . Stephen i forgot you worked as a sherpa for many years, right . Yeah. Stephen old tenzin, they used to call you. This is this is the truest photograph. This is you just miserably cold. But look stephen with not one but two coats and two hot water bottles. And what youre not seeing is im also sitting on a hot water bottle. laughter stephen thats nice. Yeah, yeah. But im telling you, it really was it really was fun. It was very exotic. Stephen julia we have to take a little bit of a break and im so sorry to say that. Oh, bummer. 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Applebees 25 cent boneless wings are back in your choice of three sauces. cheers and applause stephen thats lovely. Were back here you can keep talking and hey, everybody, were here with the lovely and talented julie louisdreyfus. cheers and applause julia. Yes. Stephen while you were in austria, did you get to vienna at all . Thats a lovely town. Oh, my gosh, so gorge okay, so i went to this okay, im going to butcher the name. Have you been to vienna. Stephen i have. So, you know the main museum there. Stephen the kunsthistorisches museum. laughter yeah, that one. Stephen you drink enough beer over there and you can say that. So we went there and we got a lovely tour if you ever get a chance to go to this particular museum, you must grab it. Stephen everything is so grand over there. Oh, my god and the collection is mind blowing. Stephen i like to say like its as if rome fell but never burned. Correct. Stephen everything is imperial but nothings destroyed. It just no longer has any political power behind it. Correct. So this guy this wonderful gentleman was taking us around and he told thus amazing story. Prior to our visit, Vladimir Putin had come, and they had given him a private tour. Hmmm. Stephen yes, yes, okay. Now, i should tell you that all over the museum, they have these gorgeous urns filled with orchids and lilies and all sorts of and its very, very, you know, viennese looking, so opulent and gorgeous. Well, turns out Vladimir Putin doesnt like flowers or the smell of flowers, so they all had to be removed from the museum, okay. Then get a load of this. They they told us that Vladimir Putin travels with his own bathroom. That they had to set up outside the museum right in front so that if he needed to use the facilities, he had his own. And its his very own porta potty that he travels with on the plane, and he uses it on the plane, too. Stephen wow like, were all that interested in his bleep you know what i mean . laughter applause stephen who knows what you can learn. No, but thats completely true. Stephen cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Yeah, cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Thats what i call that. Anyway, its kind of freakazoid. It feels like dr. Evil. Stephen i think it doesnt even feel like it. I think it is dr. Evil. I think it is, yeah. Stephen now, you probably know because ive said it to you many times how much i love veep. Oh, yes. Stephen im not going to get into a conversation about veep, weve all moved on. Weve all moved on, right. Stephen i dont even think about it. It would be hard to do that show this deep into the Trump Administration because things are so crazy in reality. Well, i, i mean, i yes. I feel like hes doing a far superior version of our show. laughter except that its not even remotely funny. Stephen right. Its deadly serious. Stephen sure. Its like if your show had the tone of chernobyl. laughter both hbo, both hbo. Correct. Stephen but one is just a steaming disaster. Correct. Thats exactly right. But i miss it, too. I mean it was just gobs of fun. Good times. Stephen valentines, valentines of course being this weekend. Yes. Stephen happy valentines day. And to you. Stephen you have a valentine of your own. I do. Stephen and you post old photos of the two of you on valentines. Yeah. Stephen and this is last you posted this last year. But this is not of last year. No, its not of last year. Stephen how many years ago is this photo . That is 32 years ago. Oh arent they cute . applause stephen they are. Yeah. Yup. Stephen how do you guys celebrate valentines day . Do you do a traditional dinner . Let me tell you something about valentines day. I dont really dig it. Because its sort of like new years. Its like, you must have fun you must stay up till midnight. And valentines day, you must be romantic you must make love to your partner. And i just dont like to be told what to do like that, you know what i mean . cheers and applause yeah. So im going to make love to him every other night except valentines day. Stephen yes. Yeah, how about that . Stephen i good luck. laughter good luck. Thank you, i appreciate that. Stephen to all of us. I want to thank you for something before you go here because i have a very precious present here. This is i dont know if we can get close enough to see what this is. You brought me a jar of. Marmalade. Yes. Stephen okay . Yes. Stephen and it says right here, winter 2020. Very good year. Very. Stephen hand picked, hand made by julia and brad. Yes, we made it stephen you made this marmalade and brought me some. Yes from our own orange tree. Stephen wow. Yes, and you gave me orange peel. So its like stephen i gave you candied orange rind and you gave me marmalade. Thats right. Stephen thank you. Thank you. Stephen i have no joke associated with this other than the fact i truly love marmalade. Im so glad. Enjoy it on your toast. Julia, thank you for being here. A delight to see you as always. So lovely to see you. What a treat. I love it. I love to be here. I love ya. Stephen its all worked out for me. Downhill is in theaters on friday. Julia louisdreyfus, everybody well be right back. My psoriasis. Cosentyx works on all of this. Cosentyx treats the multiple symptoms of Psoriatic Arthritis to help you look and feel better. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Watch me get real relief with cosentyx. Watch me i cant believe it. That chad really was raised by wolves . Which one is your mother . Thats her right there. Oh, gosh. No, i cant believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on my Car Insurance with geico. Its really great. Well, im just so glad to have met your beautiful family. And we better be sitting down now. Believe it geico could save you fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance. Tat your door, so you can get more. Feels so good feels so good target run done. Iced chai. Ry. Pad thai. Baked pie. Pork chop. Soda pop. Scallop. Kebobs. Soursop. Hot pot. Dumpling. Chicken wing. Peking. Onion ring. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. Just a blur when they jumped the median. The corner of my eye. There was nothing i could do. daughter daddy dad vo shes safe because of our first outback. And our new ones even safer. avo welcome to the allnew subaru outback. An iihs top safety pick plus. The highest level of safety you can earn. 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Wheres the car going . Technology, dear. Thats technology. Are haikus better than fleece . Than. Fleece edition. Uh no way grapes . pet rocks . What . are wizards better than fleece . you stole my bit neil. And no, nothings better than fleece. Get thirty percent off everything or forty percent with an Old Navy Credit card. At old navy what started at my dining room table, has grown into a serious operation. Thats why i chose the spark cash card from capital one. With unlimited 2 cash back on everything i buy why wouldnt i get this card . i redeemed 115,000 in cash back in just one year which doubled our Marketing Budget last summer and i saw 69 growth year over year my spark card is more than a credit card. It has actually helped me grow my business. Whats in your wallet . It has actually helped me grshouldnt you pay less when now you can. Data . Because Xfinity Mobile gives you more flexible data. You can choose to share data between lines, mix with unlimited, or switch it up at any time. All on the most reliable wireless network. Which means you can save money without compromising on coverage. Get more flexible data, the most reliable network, and more savings. Plus, get 300 off when you buy a new Samsung Galaxy s20 ultra. Thats simple. Easy. Awesome. Call, click or visit a store today. Stephen and now, making his u. S. Television debut with cut me, from part one of his upcoming double album, gray, ladies and gentlemen, moses sumney. cheers and applause when im weary and so worn out ooh, when my minds clouded and filled with doubt thats when i feel the most alive masochistic kisses are how i thrive a stiffness in inside my neck and bangin my head against the desk if theres no pain is there any progress . Thats when i feel the most alive endurance is the source of my pride might not be healthy for me but seemingly i need what cuts me, cuts me cut me, cut me, cut me guess im a true immigrant son no vacancies, no vacations sure, i could do better than this but i dont i wont i dont ooh what cuts me, cuts me cut me, cut me, cut me when i feel the most alive is when i think i wont survive and you cut me, cut me, cut me its when i feel the most alive when i think i wont survive and you cut me, cut me its when i feel the most real cut me, cut me ee stephen thank you, moses. That was beautiful. Thank you Stephen Moses sumney, everybody well be right back. Get to the ross spring dress event, where the prices make all the dresses yeses. Yeah save 20 to 60 percent off Department Store prices on our best selection of spring dresses. The ross spring dress event, on now what . Oooh. Ahhh. No. Yeah . Yes oh yeah si. Yes. Thats the sound of saving 20 to 60 percent off Department Store prices. At ross. Yes for less. Stephen now stick around for james corden. Good night stephen mr. Daubenmire, everybody, well be right back. Stephen, the way youre holding that coffee is driving me crazy. laughter oh now its less hot. Now its hot. Now its less hot. laughter oh, you know im suing you to pieces. laug
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