Special guest, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing stephen whoo oh, jon, there you are what are we doing . Where am i . Happy thursday cheers and applause thank you very much piano riff audience chanting stephen hey how are ya . Good to see ya cheers and applause welcome welcome one and all to the late show im your host Stephen Colbert. Weve spent a lot of time over the last couple of weeks, talking about trumps racist rhetoric. But theres one race trump dislikes more than all the others, and thats the race for the democratic nomination. laughter ill tell you all about it in tonights doin it donkey style. Raise the minimum wage cheers and applause stephen the next democratic debate is a month away, and only eight candidates have qualified so far. Everyone else is getting desperate to break through. For instance, colorado senator and man who got cut from the cialis commercial for being too boring, michael bennet. Bennet put out a pretty radical Campaign Promise tuesday, tweeting, if you elect me president , i promise you wont have to think about me for two weeks at a time. laughter waaaaay ahead of you. laughter i want to say. Mitchell bucket . Im not sure. But i have to say, i do get excited about the idea of not thinking about the president. Also not thinking. laughter another candidate desperate to appeal to voters is tech entrepreneur and guy killing on c. F. O. Standup night, andrew yang. laughter yesterday, yang unveiled a spotify playlist of his favorite jams, including such hits as dont you forget about me. Wait, sorry, thats actually his campaign slogan. laughter cheers and applause piano riff now, a few of those candidates might end up on the ballot. But in one state, donald trump might not. Because a New California law requires president ial candidates to release their tax returns in order to appear on the primary ballot. cheers and applause wow. Wow. Thats pretty incredible. Thats right. Were going to see everyones tax returns. So well finally find out if Marianne Williamson writes off her dreamcatcher as a medical expense. laughter on tuesday, trump and the Republican Party sued california over the law, calling it a naked political attack against the sitting president of the United States. as trump its a naked attack. And not the good kind,like bargin in on the miss teen u. S. A. Dressing room. audience reacts and i want to remind you, this is me donald trump talking, not Stephen Colbert. Stephen thinks thats terrible. I, donald trump, think it was fun. laughter plus, california didnt name trump in their law, so trump suing them is a weird selfown. as guy at p. T. A. Meeting guys, this new pta rule that you cant sneak a lukewarm cocktail of vodka and crystal lite into meetings inside your water bottle is a clear attack against my wife. She will tell you that herself as soon as she wakes up laughter applause stephen applauding either for vodka or crystal light. I dont know which one. laughter the g. O. P. Suit claims that this new law violates the u. S. Constitution by creating an extra requirement to run for president. But thats not true. There are already all sorts of other requirements to get onto state ballots. In alabama, candidates have to get at least 350 signatures. In idaho, candidates have to pay a filing fee. And in florida, candidates have to get their petitions notarized by a licensed meth addict alligator. laughter and albert gator, i believe is his name. applause right now what is this . What is this . How many, 50 years into the Trump Presidency . Just two and a half years. Whoo two and a half years. Someone tell my mirror. Two and half years into the Trump Presidency, and President Trump says so many stupid things, its easy to forget a few. Like the time he said he got bigger crowds than jayz. Or the time he said venezuelans were all descended from inbred conquistadors. Or the time he said windmills cause cancer. Okay, i made one of those up, but at this point, does it matter which one . laughter cheers and applause jayz, yeah bigger crowd than jayz. Jon yeah, yeah. Stephen anyway, he makes a lot of weird claims, so its understandable if you forgot this one, from a couple of years ago, about the price of buying a new air force one. They were close to signing a 4. 2 billion deal to have a new air force one. Can you believe this . I said no way. I said i refuse to fly in a 4. 2 billion airplane. Weve got that price down over a billion dollars. We save a lot of money on air force 1. 1. 4 billion we saved. I was able to save 1. 5 billion. We added things and i got 1. 6 billion off. Stephen as trump i saved 1. 6 billion, got them to waive the carryon baggage fee, and as long as he wears a vest, i can bring Stephen Miller as my emotional support racist. Er applause so how did trump get the price of air force one so low . Well, apparently, instead of building new planes, he found cheap 747s that were owned by a russian airline. Ahha so now, the United States has something russia used and discarded. And he is buying their old airplanes. laughter applause still, if the president really did save the taxpayers over a billion dollars, he deserves a but he doesnt, because he didnt. It turns out the cost of trumps new air force one has skyrocketed nearly 2 billion more than the original estimate. Oh, great, so instead of saving us a billion, its costing us two billion . Evidently, trump mistakenly used the one for the price of two coupon. laughter heres a story heres a story would you like to hear another story . applause heres a story that technically counts as lighter news the earth may be broiling to a crisp, but according to a new study, men dont recycle to avoid looking gay. laughter really . Really, men . Is there no limit to straight male fragility . as kid dad, you were around during the early 21st century. What did you do to combat the preventable destruction of the planet . as man, shouting i liked girls thats what i did i liked em a lot the girls without this stuff down here and they got the things up here with the with the things, what do they call them, the niblets on the end . Yeah, i saw lots of em and im not scared of em besides, who said gay people get a reputation for being environmentally conscious. Have you seen the aftermath of a pride parade . The study polled participants about hypothetical scenarios, and found that certain ecofriendly activities, like recycling, and carrying groceries in a tote bag, instead of a plastic one were seen as unmanly. Wait, now straight men think the way they bag their groceries indicates their Sexual Orientation . Gonna make checking out at the Grocery Store a little more interesting as cashier sir, did you bring your own bag today . as customer did i bring my own bag . Once when i was at college. But its, you know, like, its college, and it was a fraternity thing, you know. It was part of the applause part of the it was part of the Fraternity Initiation we had to bring each others bags, you know. How did you even find out about that . we were sworn to secrecy. laughter this isnt just toxic masculinity, this is literally toxic. And as a ruggedly heterosexual male, i feel responsibility to convince my fellow hairychested manmen that caring for the earth is butch as hell. Join me in the late shows testosterzone cheers and applause boom boom okay welcome welcome, my dudes, to the testtoster zone. I want to bazzle mother nature. You think this is a wussy tote bag . Think again. Its a canvas vagina bag being held by a masculine arm that holds your strong, turgid groceries, like baguettes, allbeef hotdogs, and allbeef zuchinis. Oh, youre worried about being seen near a recycling container . What if it had a nice pair of boobs . Ooh, thats some bulky waste i wouldnt kick that to the curb, cuz its tuesday. cause youre a man in the testosterzone. And mother earth is soooo hot. Literally. Its very hot. We need to do something. cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. From san diegos kvwn channel 4 news team, ron burgundy is here stick around for his exclusive standup set that you wont see anywhere else cheers and applause band playing no wait ugh, sorry its ok [laughs out of breath] oh you got a fast one there just cant get him to slow down this class will help with that we get it. You got it were petsmart who used expedia to book the Vacation Rental that led to the ride which took them to the place where they discovered that sometimes a little down time can lift you right up. Flights, hotels, cars, activities, Vacation Rentals. Expedia. Everything you need to go. Expedia. No i, i cant feel the heat yet dont let it catch you i cant feel the heat Veronica Corningstone cay corningstone Christina Applegate, Christina ApplegateChristina Applegate keeping it fresh. Doing it right. Sc johnson. cheers and applause band playing stephen ladies and gentlemen, welcome back folks, ladies and gentlemen, you know him as the former anchor of san diegos awardwinning channel 4 news team, and he specifically asked me to mention that hes kind of a big deal. Pleaseom performing standup, ron burgundy cheers and applause band playing oh, my gosh wow thank you so much wow cheers and applause wow wow wow hold on here hold on cheers and applause thank you what a crowd wow please, i got to get to the jokes, folks. laughter thats what you say when theyre screaming too long, right . Yeah. laughter what a crowd wow give yourself a little credit cheers and applause yes, thats more like it go ahead, ride the wave go ahead yeah cheers and applause okay, now start booing yourselves. booing there you go come on oh, a real bronx cheer anyway, hows everyone doing tonight . Good . cheers and applause yeah . Do we have any partiers here tonight . cheers and applause yes i always wondered what that meant when someone would say, hey, do you lining to party . You must be a partier look out ted likes to party right . What the heck does that mean . Do you like to throw parties . Which, in a way is a really nice compliment, you know . Means you care about people and you like to plan. laughter its going really good. Its going really good. laughter however, people usually come off more aggressively. You know, tonight were gonna party i want to party we are going off laughter what does that mean . laughter to go off . To go off where . laughter to go off and find a private nook to plan a party . laughter tonight we are going off to find a quiet area and plan an elegant sendoff for my cousin denise laughter she will be delighted because of the care and forethought whoa laughter anyway, thats the lingo these days. In my day, it was a much simpler time. We would just say, hey, im going to have a good time. And by a good time, it just meant you get drunk and you fight the first person that looks at you sideways. laughter man or woman. laughter real or imagined. laughter animals were no exception. laughter i fought a lot of pet birds and dogs back in the day, and i dont mind telling you, most of the time, i came out on the losing end. But thats what we called having a good time. New york city, though, is its a great drinking town. Whenever i come here, i just want to order a cocktail, you know what i mean . Harvey wallbanger. Thats a weird name for a drink, right . A guy named harvey, used to bang walls. Burgundy rim shot rim shot applause thank you. I really appreciate that. Because that would look terrible if you werent ready to do that. So thank you. laughter raise your hand if youve heard of a drink called the rusty nail. Yes. Oh, almost everyone. laughter a rusty nail is scotch and drambuy and the first sip tastes like your grandmothers underpants, but after the second sip youre ordering two more. Next thing, youre in the emergency room getting a tetanus shot because you end up shooting yourself in the foot with a nail gun. Thats a rusty nail. laughter no joke, though, you should get caught up on those tetanus shots. What else is going on . What else . Trade wars, right . Everyday all we hear is trade war, trade war with china, trade war with mexico. We even had a trade war with canada. What was that about . Yeah, boo im with you. I i ha hate canadians. applause no, thank you, its refreshing to speak your mind with an anticanada audience. laughter good, good, were on the same page. laughter trade war with canada, we arent going to give you any more cars till you lower the price of canadian bacon . laughter to hell with the trade wars, i say trade peace cheers and applause yeah thank you. Thank you. Hey, i got something we can trade how about we trade a doobie back and forth and figure this whole thing out, you know what i mean . cheers and applause yes, because im getting sick of hearing about it. Speaking of doobies, did you know that marijuana is now leaguel in most states . Thats just crazy to me because, back in my day, everyone had a dealer named marcus or julius. laughter or paco. And they would meet you in la vons parking lot with a dimebag or a little piece of tinfoil with weird shavings or tree bark or god knows what it was and you were happy to have it. laughter these guys became a real part of your life. You invited them to your wedding. laughter they went on vacations with you. laughter paco and julius were your best friends until you couldnt pay. laughter and then the knives came out, and it was harsh, but you felt alive laughter now you just waltz in and buy a bag of gummy bears and trip balls, you know . laughter wheres the dangerous . Wheres the romance . laughter i miss paco and julius. Theyre both dead, by the way. laughter what else . laughter oh, you guys excited about the new star wars, huh . cheers and applause yeah . Is there a new star wars . I have no idea. I just say that and people go crazy because youre all a bunch of chumps. Canadian hating chumps. But i love new york. I really do. The other day i went to ellis island to trace my family roots and i have to say it was very emotional. I looked up the burgundy family to see where we had originally come from, and i was looking and looking and poring over the records and, finally, finally i found burgundy. Josiah and rhonda burgundy. Country of origin, and someone had drawn some intricate male genitalia. laughter so that was so that was a bummer. Thats not so much a joke as a cautionary tale. laughter so if you go to ellis island, people, be prepared theres some mean people out there with a sharpie drawing penises where it says country of origin. So true story. laughter heres one im going to leave you with, two guys walk into a bar, a gay guy and a straight guy. laughter the gay guy says to the bartender, id like to order a drink. The bartender is a mexican guy and he says, whatll you have . Meanwhile, down the bar is a chinese lady. laughter just minding her business, but before anyone can order, in walks a black guy, and he walks right up to the bar all calm and cool. Now, the straight guy takes a look at whats going on and he turns to the table behind him, which is a table full of jews and a Catholic Bree priest. Now, if you thought i was going to the a racist joke, you had another thing coming. This is new york city, folks, and were all here to have a good time my name is ron burgundy, i hope to see you at the bar thank you stephen ron burgundy, everybody cheers and applause band playing ron, come on over yeah thank you so much really great. Really funny stuff, ron. Im a longtime fan of your work, but how long has ron burgundy been doing standup . How long . Stephen yeah, how long. About 20 minutes. How long was that set . Twelve . Stephen yeah. I really enjoy it. Stephen clearly. I write my own material. It was all written by me. Stephen my understanding is you were on tonight, on every single late night show in one night. All in one night. Tonight, august 8. laughter stephen yeah. House of your summer, by the way . Which is a joyous summertime its the happiest day to have the summer. Stephen exactly. I have any summertime scarf on and my cashmere turtleneck. Stephen its so important in august to keep the throat warm. Oh, my gosh, and ive had it on all day so this is wreaking. laughter stephen you have been on all the shows. Yes. Stephen all the shows tonight simultaneously. Whos your favorite . My favorite late night host, and its got to be christiana napor. Shes so funny and very highly intellectual. Stephen sure. But youre in my top five, stephen. Really appreciate it, yeah. Stephen sure, sure. So speaking of hosts, everybody the king of the mountain for all time is Johnny Carson. Yes. Stephen did you know johnny at all . Did you go drinking with him . Did guy drinking with Johnny Carson . Stephen yeah. O Johnny Carson for those of you who dont know was the host of the tonight show, 32 years, and he used to have a wellknown poker game at his house i was sometimes invited to. Stephen drive up to san diego. Sackedo past carlsbad to his house in encino. Stephen sure. And i would be invited, and they liked to drink, they liked to drink there. You name it. You never know who you would sit next to. Burt reynolds, joey bishop, marty feld been. Pete barboodi and brother derk. Stephen would you like a drink . I would love one. cheers and applause drinking wasnt illegal back in those days. In fact, i remember one night it was just johnny and i and debbie reynolds, americas sweetheart, and it was about 4 00 in the morning and im trailing off now because i realize i cant tell that story. laughter stephen its an honor to f tephen we have to take a commercial break, you know, from the business. I dont know. I dont know if i can stick around. Go ahead, go to commercial, and if i can stick around for the second segment, i will. If not, it was great talking to you. Stephen all right, great. laughter so well see you in about three or four minutes. I have a good feeling about it. Stephen yeah. All right, well be right back with possibly more ron burgundy, all right, well be right back with possibly more ron burgundy, everybody. 6 cheers and applause the good news . Our comfort lasts all day. The bad news . So does his energy. New depend® fitflex underwear offers your best comfort and protection guaranteed. Because, perfect or not, lifes better when youre in it. Be there with depend®. Tthe bad news . Ouyour patience might not. Ay. New depend® fitflex underwear offers your best comfort and protection guaranteed. Because, perfect or not, lifes better when youre in it. Be there with depend®. For that many calories you could have 9 veggie chips. These are more chip than veggie. While v8 is a snack you can veg out on. V8 the original Plant Powered drink. Veg up. P touched down in thehoes land of the delta blues in the middle of the pouring rain then im walking in memphis walking with my feet ten feet off of beale then im walking in memphis walking in memphis but, do i really feel the way i feel . And reverend green, glad to see you when you havent got a prayer youve got a prayer in memphis memphis then im walking in memphis walking in memphis this is something bigger. G. That is big. Not as big as that. Big. Bigger. Big. Bigger. This is big. And thats bigger. cheers and applause band playing stephen thats true. That is true. Stephen thats true and not only that but they never found out who set the fire. No, well they did but we cant say. Its sealed. Stephen oh. Until 50 years after the crime. Yes. Stephen were back here with ron burgundy. A longtime i want to say a longtime what . Stephen hero . Hero of mine. Oh, well, yeah. Thank you. laughter taken aback by that. Stephen im a broadcaster. Youre a broadcaster. You definitely are. Youre a hell of a broadcaster. Stephen your longevity is what i like. Your endurance, the punishment you have been able to take in your job would kill a lesser man. I would concur, yes. Stephen yes. laughter but, you know, my dad used to tell me, ronald, every day you wake up is a good day. Stephen right. laughter now, is this your first time in the ed sullivan theater . No, it is not. No, in fact, i was here in 1964 to see my favorite magician fred caps, and we were so excited. Stephen yeah. And we were, like, oh, fred caps. And we had to listen through this inseasessently screeching band called the beatles, and i was like, get off the stage youre never going to make it anyway, youre bums bums i dont know why i had such a visceral reaction. They finally got their asses out of there and fred caps came out and did his magic and it was wonderful. laughter stephen did he have a signature trick . He would put a rabbitt in hat and the rabbit would the rabbit would disappear. And then the rabbit would appear again. Stephen oh, okay. Yeah. Stephen because many people take out a hat and theyll reach in to remove the rabbit and he said his trick was to actually put the rabbit in the hat. Because i dont understand thats exciting. You dont see that every day. Ever see a guy stitch a woman together look, that was the out th you didnt know what the hell he was going to do. Stephen he had a trick where he would put a quarter behind your ear. He wod just leave it there. laughter stephen so amazing. So amazing. Fred caps. Stephen to fred caps. To fred caps. Stephen the king. Whatever happened to the beatles, by the way. Stephen didnt work. You have been reporting on Current Events for a long time. Youre a newsmans newsman. Yes. Stephen and you and cronkite partied. Absolutely. Stephen you guys used to take his boat beyond territorial waters. Where theres no law. Stephen maritime law, which is essentially no law. No law. Stephen you guys could have a poker oh, gosh, we would shoot off flare guns. Stephen at each other. At each other and try to harpoon sea life, and stephen yeah. California grey what else, you name it. Stephen on east coast, very rare. Very rare for those. Well, they sometimes go all the way around the long way. Stephen panama canal. And show off against the hump backs. Stephen mano a mano. laughter stephen you must have your own perspective on mr. Trump. I once played a celebrity Golf Tournament with him and he shot 90 under par. It was incredible. Broke all the course records by a mile. Stephen wow. And we were just in disbelief. But this guy is a real character. Hes a riverboat gambler, you know what i mean . A hell of a business man. Stephen yeah. Did you ever invest in any of his properties or anything like that . I invested in trump university. laughter stephen good. And what was great was i wrote the check and i got 3 degrees. Stephen wow, good for you. Good for you. To knowledge. To knowledge. Knowledge is king. Stephen yes. applause tuning, and you would know, as a newsmans newsman, do you think theres a fake news problem in todays media . Well, i think its out there for sure. Stephen meaning it exists . Yeah, it exists, but lets face it. A lot of stuff i reported on was fake. I made it up. laughter but, you know, ive always told people, young journalists, that you have to go out there and you find the ms. , you find the truth, right. Stephen . Stephen and if you cant find it . If you cant find it, there are plenty of handsome white guys like me who will lie right to your face. Stephen hold that thought. Back with nor rob ron, everybody cheers and applause band playing dont stop, i cant feel the heat yet dont let it catch you whoa i cant feel the heat you know that look . That life of the party look. Walk it off look. One more mile look. Reply all look. Own your look with fewer lines. Theres only one botox® cosmetic. Its the only one fda approved to temporarily make frown lines, crows feet and forehead lines look better. The effects of botox® cosmetic may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness may be a sign of a lifethreatening condition. Do not receive botox® cosmetic if you have a skin infection. Side effects may include allergic reactions, injection site pain, headache, eyebrow, eyelid drooping and eyelid swelling. Tell your doctor about your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. So, give that just saw a puppy look and whatever that look is. Look like you with fewer lines. Own your look with the one and only botox® cosmetic. To sprint and get both our unlimited plan and the sprintern did you know you can switch brilliant iphone xr included . paul go on. sprintern for just 35 per month. paul go on. sprintern and it has a longer lasting battery life. paul go on. sprintern and. Well thats it. Its that simple. paul it sure is. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com they mad hot hot . Inal hot heres a shake up my hot flamins mixin with doritos hello talkin bout how far back we go way way way way back is it me youre looking for i dont care about that i aint sharin my snacks the original, now its hot. Uh huh well thats more than 3. 4 ounces youre going to have to toss that. Or just drink it here. Hvr. You either love it or you really love it. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody if youre just joining us right now, were honored to be joined by the great ron burgundy. In your opinion right. Stephen and obviously keep in mind that when you answer, this is the answer. Y you cant real it back in. Stephen you have to be careful when you point that thing because when you say it people listen. Whats the biggest story of 2019 to you . 2019 . Ron burgundy being on the Stephen Colbert show. cheers and applause no, no, that was cheap. That was chemo. No that was cheap. Snow, the biggest story of 2019 and i will go on the record as saying the Ferris Bueller report. laughter look, no collusion, definitely no obstruction, but the fact you select a fictional movie character to investigate the president is way beyond my pay grade. And im still curious, was it Matthew Broderick playing Ferris Bueller who conducted the investigation . Just someone who said his name was Ferris Bueller . Well never know. But the bueller report will go down as one of the more famous documents in history. laughter stephen sure. That and the death of grumpy account, probably two of my favorite 2019 stories. Stephen did you ever interview grumpy cat . I couldnt. I tried. They wouldnt let me close because of my dog baxter. Stephen how is baxter . Baxter is great. laughter stephen you had to think about that. I had to think. Stephen baxter is how old now, ron . Baxter is a real marvel of modern science and medicine. laughter stephen we first saw baxter 1972, 73. Yes. Stephen so that would be 47 years. And how old was baxter then when we met him . He was 15 then. Stephen so 62 years old. Ixtytwo years young. Stephen thank you. So in human years times that by 7. Stephen it cant be done. 434. Stephen i dont think so. No . laughter stephen i dont think so. 7 times 2, so 4 stephen no. Doesnt matter, hes old. Stephen whats, if you dont mind me asking, whats the most dangerous story that you ever covered . The most dangerous story i ever covered stephen because you must have put yourself on the line. Buzz the vietnam war. Stephen you covered the vietnam war . Well, i did from behind my desk at the news studio laughter stephen was that dangerous for you . Well, it was just a dangerous time. And there were spies everywhere. A lot of spies. Stephen spying on i turned in a lot of vietnamese spice to the f. B. I. Later i told it was what is called racial profiling, and youre not supposed to do that. Stephen that is frowned on. But that was a different time. A different time. Still not the right thing to do. Stephen right. But i admit my mistakes. Stephen as a journalist who knows you have to come back with a story, thats your job, youre a hunter. Sure. And sometimes youre being hunted. Stephen right. laughter how so . Well, people dont like news people, for the most part. Stephen because when she show up with the cameras, what did i do wrong . Right. Stephen did you ever and would you ever sleep with a subject to get an interview . Well laughter heres the thing it is completely unethical, it is abuse of power, but, yes, i did it. laughter about 15 times. laughter stephen mmhmm. But, you know, sometimes i mean, tom brokaw, he slept with Margaret Thatcher to get more info on the Falkland Islands war. Stephen really . he didnt get a peep out of her. Stephen he slept with her and didnt get the story . Didnt get one piece of information about the Falkland Islands. Stephen wow. He also said she was a bengal tiger in the sack. laughter stephen sadly, we have to take another break. Please dont go away. Well be back with more of mr. Ron burgundy cheers and applause band playing hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. S before she puts them in the dishwasher. So what does the dishwasher do . vo cascade platinum does the work for you. Prewashing and removing stuckon foods, the first time. mom wow thats clean vo cascade platinum. With apples mand cinnamon notes. And ignite your mood. True fragrance. Crafted only by glade. S. C. Johnson. One call 811 before you dig. Ings you can do is to make sure you calling 811 can get your lines marked. Its free, its easy, we come out and mark your lines. We provide you the information so you will dig safely. Leave the structure, call 911, keep people away, and call pg e right after so we can both respond out and keep the public safe. cheers and applause band playing vo the hamsters, run hopelessly in their cage. Content on their endless quest, to nowhere. But perhaps this year, a more exhilarating endeavor awaits. Defy the laws of human nature,at the suerdi event get exceptional offers now. Wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Seventh generation gets the laundry detergent from plants, not petroleum. And this stuff beets stains. Its kind of a big dill. Lemon tell ya. It squashes sixty of your toughest stains. And leaves your clothes looking raddishing. So lettuce make the right choice, and choose seventh generations plant based detergent. Was that too corny . Seventh generation. Powered by plants. Tested on sixty of your toughest stains. [ scoffs ] if you say so. Im sorry . What teach here isnt telling you is that snapshot rewards safe drivers with discounts on car insurance. What . Or maybe he didnt know. [ chuckles ] im done with this class. Youre not even enrolled in this class. I know. Im supposed to be in ceramics. Do you know room 303. Oh. Thank you. Yeah. Good luck, everybody. cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back, everybody when last we left, ron burgundy was here and still here. Now, my understanding and i did not know this and i did not know you were in season two and you have a podcast. I do. Stephen and what is it called . Its called the ron burgundy podcast. laughter stephen take you a while to come up with that name . Went through a lot of names. Stephen yes. Lets listen to this. One, two, three action news. Katherines ode to katherine. Stephen is there anyone named katherine involved . No. And we just settled on the ron burgundy podcast. Stephen now, why a podcast . Because, i mean, this is your moneymaker. Sure. Stephen why would you hide the moneymaker . To tell you the truth, stephen, i didnt know whatta podcast was. I got kind of sold a bill of goods. Stephen oh, okay. O now im stuck in a, you know, airless, windowless room in a basement with a smelly microphone and some zitfaced teenager on the board trying to fill 40 minutes of my day. Stephen and how often can we how often is it on . Its on once a week. Stephen and what might we hear on the podcast . Various musings. laughter you name it. We have guests, i reveal, you know, recipes. Stephen you reveal recipes . I reveal recipes. Stephen are they secrets . Well, yeah, theyre secrets because im the only one who knows whats in my recipe book. So, yes, we reveal them. laughter stephen have you thought about putting out your own cookbook . Ive thought about it, that maybe thats something that happens down the road. Stephen sure, but right now its the podcast . But right now its the podcast, the art of the spoken word. Stephen mmhmm. Well, ron, it has been great to see you spin your magic right here. Stephen, i cannot thank you enough, and i really appreciate the 10,000 youre giving me tonight to be on this show. cheers and applause piano riff thank you so much. Stephen well, its always an honor. Thank you so much. Stephen season 2 of the ron burgundy podcast premieres today mr. Ron burgundy, everybody cheers and applause band playing cheers and applause Stephen Stephen thats it for the late show. Now stick around for james corden, with a very special mystery guest. Goodnight stephen bring em on. Ill show them who likes girls because its me yeah. All the stuff they got. Different stuff. Different stuff than we do. Thats why i like em its not scary at all im not scared youre scared of girls. I can understand why, its pretty crazy pretty crazy whats going on down there its a mess but you know, you just you just you get through it cheers and applause theme song playing captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the wa