Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20171011

To comfort a friend everybody hurts its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, trump brags about his bigly i. Q. Plus stephen welcomes Tracee Ellis Ross. Luke evans. And musical guest jade bird. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen thank you, sir cheers and applause lovely lovely group of people out here tonight. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. applause upon ladies and gentlemen, so far, it has been a rough start to the school year for donald trump. His report card is definitely going to say has problems working and playing well with others. And theres not much we can do. What can we do . Because the oval office doesnt have any corners. You cant put him in a timeout. Because its open warfare between trump and republicans. It all started in an attempt to avoid open warfare with north korea. laughter you see, secretary of state and disappointed father tribute head, rex tillerson, was in the middle of tense negotiations about north korea and their nuclear program, when trump tweeted that tillerson was wasting his time trying to negotiate with little rocket man. laughter applause you know, we all know, Everybody Knows. cheers and applause Everybody Knows there is no better way to defuse a tense Nuclear Standoff than with insult humor. Who can forget during the cuban missile crisis when kennedy tweeted, cueball khrushchev and lil beardy dont have the balls. I doubledog dare you to push the button. cheers and applause got, i doubledog dare you. I doubledog well, today, in a interview with forbes, trump defended his actions towards tillerson, saying, he was wasting his time. Im not undermining. I think im actually strengthening authority. Yes, im not burning your house down. Im lowering your heating bills. laughter now, to thank him, to thank him for all that strengthening of authority, tillerson called him a bleep moron. Allegedly. Allegedly. Jon my goodness stephen but today was this today this morning, donald trump had an answer for that, too i think its fake news, but if he did that, i guess well have to compare i. Q. Tests. And i can tell you who is going to win. laughter me, too, because we have the results of their i. Q. Tests right here. Tillerson scored a 120. Its above average, not genius, but still pretty good. And weve got trumps. Its a drawing of a big truck that says maga. And theres trump right there saying, horveghonk. And heres rex tillerson, but trump calls him rex smellerson. So its a tossup. Were not entirely sure. Into this imbroguelio, enter chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and man rehearsing hamlet, bob corker. Senator corker again, this is a republican, member of the same party as the president , said that tillerson, mattis, and john kelly are all that separates america from chaos. Thats right. Hoobls we are in the before times. As head of the Foreign Relations committee, keep in mind, corker knows everything. He has access to all the secret foreign im going to say stuff. And he has some bowel loosening opinions about our president. In a recorded interview with the new york times, corker said that because of trumps careless twitter eruptions, we could be heading toward world war iii. All this time weve been worried the next war would be caused by Artificial Intelligence. Turns out the real danger is natural stupidity. cheers and applause ill miss us. Ill miss us. We had a good run. We had a good run. Now, corker thinks the president is so impulsive, he has to be managed like a toddler. But that is ridiculous. Our commander in chief proved he can be trusted with the Nuclear Triad with this mature response the failing nytimes set Liddle Bob Corker up by recording his conversation. Was made to sound a fool, and thats what i am dealing with what youre dealing with is a crippling case of narcissistic personality disorder. cheers and applause thats two things, that and this. Allegedly. Im not a doctor. This is not the first time that trump has criticized corkers height with the liddle. Last year, corker was in the running to be in trumps cabinet, but trump thought corker was too short to be secretary of state. He even made him stand next to the sign, you must be this tall to call the president a moron. Jon wow stephen and today, and today, we learned that corker might be on to something because according to politico, white house aides use delays and distraction to manage trump. Chief of staff john kelly has tried to limit bad decisions by blocking information from the president s desk. And sometimes, staffers would even distract him with a visual aid like charts on how farmers might feel about ending the north American Free trade agreement. And an executive with the Trump Organization explains that you either had to just convince him Something Better was his idea, or ignore what he said to do and hoped hed forgot about it the next day. Because, like a toddler, trump lacks object permanence. laughter what nafta deal, donald . Theres no nafta deal. It rolled behind the couch. Its gone forever. laughter applause well, the next Time White House staffers need to distract donald trump, they can always show him this report from our inhouse news team, real news tonight. Jim . Welcome to real news tonight. Im jim anchorton. And im jill newslady. And im receiving a breaking news story right here. Puerto rico is still reeling from Hurricane Maria with 85 of the island still without power and 40 without potable water. Well have more on this story tomorrow, or maybe in a couple of weeks. Maybe after christmas. But for now, look at this chart oooh, so many bright colors. The number of smiling farmers on charts is skyrocketing. And theres big news from north korea, where you know what . Reading ahead, im not going to share this one with the president. Lets move on. The latest approval numbers are in for president trump, and its looking very positive. Because hes still in the positive numbers. Well have more on that eventually. But for now, lets introduce the newest member of the real news team, pepper the puppy pundit. Whats that, pepper . What do you mean the president is killing any chance of passing legislation by alienating members of his own party in congress. Oh, pep elets not bore the president with that sort of information. Good luck, pepper on your new assignment chief correspondent to the farm upstate. Coming up, webster announces the word of the year as the president s very own liddle spelled with double ds. Even his hilarious nicknames have large breasts. I wish i had large breasts so the president would love me. Stephen thank you, guys. They do such a good job, so good. Best in the business. Personally, i hope trump doesnt start world war iii between now and december 15, because theres a new star wars movie cheers and applause did you guys see the new trailer last night . Did you see it . It debuted during halftime of monday night football. Im not sure if they were advertising star wars to football fans or football to star wars fans but it worked out. Before playing the new trailer, a legion of stormtroopers marched onto the field, seen here in the amount of armor Football Players should be wearing. Listen up. Take a knee you take a knee during the National Anthem . No thats disrepectful to the snowwhite pretend nazis who are coming out in a minute. This is why finn joined the resistance. Thats that. Yeah, ill take it. However i can get it. Jon they got guns, too. Stephen the trailer was fantastic. And i being the original star wars fan have decoded the entire plot of the new movie. If you pause right here, you can see rey, which means she didnt die in between the two movies. A great creative choice. We know that she goes to see luke, who has a new robotic hand or has been c3po dressed up in a man suit this whole time. Rey is training to beat the new villain a large rock that she is conflicted about killing. Probably ends up being her dad or something. Kylo ren is also back and badder then ever. And the gash that rey gave him in the last movie is now healing, courtesy of his space bandaid. Or he cut himself shaving with light saber. Thats why you cant have the blades coming out of the sides, kylo. And look whos coming to the rescue its chewbacca, and his new friend, porg chopper cheaper finally, finally applause people love porg. They love the porg. Finally, a second character that speaks only through screaming. Aaarrgghh raaah. Yaaaa half the movie overall, a really great trailer. Not j. J. Abrams 48, but still, pretty good. I cant wait to see the new star wars this christmas. And next christmas. And every christmas after that. cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Tracee ellis ross is here. But when we return, robots roberts poor mouth breather. Allergies . Stuffy nose . Cant sleep . Take that. A breathe right nasal strip instantly opens your nose up to 38 more than allergy medicine alone. Shut your mouth and say goodnight, mouthbreathers. Breathe right. My, what big rims you have. My, what bright eyes you have. [beep beep] all the better to tease you with, my dear. That was good. Where to . Gee gees. Get ready to spin your own tale. Introducing an allnew crossover. Toyota chr. Toyota. Lets go places. Behold the power of energizer® ultimate lithium™. Music the 1 longestlasting battery. 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Does things humans cant even fathom, like launch rockets, predict weather patterns, autocorrect gentle to genital. Really, siri. You thought i wanted the movers to be genital with the dishes . I had to throw them all away. Thats why ive been all over the dire warnings from tesla founder and vitamindeficient tony stark, elon musk. Musk is so worried about a. I. That he recently tweeted that kim jongun should be low on our list of concerns for civilizational existential risk. Competition for a. I. Superiority at National Level most likely cause of ww3, imo. Yes, elon musk thinks Artificial Intelligence will cause world war iii. My moneys still on donald trump. laughter applause i mean, corer. I mean the corker. This fear of a. I. Is nothing new for musk. Recently, he also tweeted, if youre not concerned about a. I. Safety, you should be. Vastly more risk than north korea, right above a poster that says, in the end, the machines will win. Its true. The machines always win. Give me my kit kat, you bastard applause and back in july, musk issued this warning about a. I. i think people should be really concerned about it. I keep sounding the alarm bell, but, you know, until people see, like, robots going down the street killing people, like, they dont know how to react. Stephen and if westworld is any indication, when we do see robots shooting people, well just want to have sex with them. laughter musks comments set off a bit of a feud with facebook founder and preteen boy who just saw a naked lady, Mark Zuckerberg laughter cheers and applause and zuck, who responded that musks commentses were pretty irresponsible. To which musk tweeted back ive talked to mark about this. His understanding of the subject is limited. Hey, elon, its not Mark Zuckerbergs fault that hes misinformed. He gets his news from facebook. cheers and applause so, so so, are the machines ready to rise up and start world war iii . And will there be anything left for them to destroy when they do . This is Stephen Colberts cyborgasm. laughter applause its a long intro. Thats a long graphic intro. I want i want to thank all of our viewers for staying with us through that graphic intro. Elon musk might be right to worry about a. I. Because researchers have discovered that Artificial Intelligence can acquire biases against race and gender. Well, that explains this scene in 2001 a space odyssey. Open the pod bay doors, hal. Im sorry, dave. Im afraid i cant do that. Whats the problem . Im scared you might be a mexican. laughter stephen apparently, apparentlia great movie. I dont understand the end of it, but its a great movie. Apparently, a. I. Is biased because it gleans the meaning of words by analyzing human text, so programmers did the worst thing possible they fed the computers text from the internet. Great now theyre racist and fighting over who the best star trek captain was. And even worse, the racist robots are on the move because googles deep mind a. I. Just learned to walk. Heres footage of a. I. Learning to watch. Thats exactly what i look like running towards the open bar at a wedding. Come with me come with me i want bourbon i want bourbon. Who wants please give me bourbon why did they do a whole mass . Why did they do a whole mass oh, my god, uptown funk, i love this song im exhausting. This is actual foot annual of the program trying to navigate around a wall. He gives up in frustration andidize. Uncannily human thats the same way i respond to slightly difficult tasks. laughter clean out the garage . Id rather be dead. Well, thats it for this installment of cyborgasm. Join me next time, when it will definitely still be the real Stephen Colbert. Well be right back with Tracee Ellis Ross. applause ti ladies and gentleman. 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New charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin jack this ridiculously long table in the middle of nowhere . Jack to invite all my friends in the industry to try this. Jack fast foods first ever ribeye burger. Jack made with 100 ribeye beef, grilled onions, a red wine glaze and creamy havarti cheese. Jack ahh, here comes the competition now. Jack and of course, since they work for my competitors, ive obscured their identities jack except for this guy. Jack he is so screwed. Jack try my new havarti grilled onion and allamerican ribeye burgers. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, a quick reminder. If you are looking to give if youre looking to give somebody a great halloween present and arent we all, jon . Jon oh, yeah. Stephen consider stephendn if you dont celebrate halloween, and some people dont, the next day is all saints day. And if youre looking for a great all saints day present this is the one. Its like going to church. Thats how close this is going to confession. Jon absolutely. Stephen you like going to confession, jon . Jon i liked going to confession as a kid, i liked going behind that thing. Stephen how long has it done . Jon oh, wow. Yeah. I read the book, though, i liked the book. Stephen youre covered. Youre covered. Jon i liked the book. Yeah, yeah. Stephen youre all good, youre all good. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is a golden globewinning actress who stars as dr. Rainbow johnson on blackish. Please welcome back to the show Tracee Ellis Ross. applause . Stephen hey you. Stephen know what . Lovely to see you. Im going to be in trouble with my wife tonight when she sees this. Why . Stephen i didnt help you up the stairs. You sort of did, but i needed extra help. Stephen i should have anticipated. I am a terrible host. No, i would beg to differ, sir laughter . Stephen all right, i bow to your formal accent, mlady. Lovely to see you again. Thank you. Im very happy to be here. Lovely to see you i keep doing it mlady. What would monsieur mean. Stephen my sir. Monsieur. Stephen i love the tux youre wearing. People are a little more formal on late night. You dont see that. Let me tell you about this tux Tracee Ellis Ross design for j. C. Penny. Stephen what yeah. Stephen can i see the label . Look at that. Stephen sure is. And theres t. E. R. S everywhere. 59 bucks for the pants. And 59 bucks for the jacket. And the shirt, come on. Stephen life needs sparkle it says right there. It does. Stephen 59, and 59. And 29 for the shirt. Affordable clothes for everybody, Stephen Stephen youre losing money not buying that clothing. Thats exactly right. Stephen and you can wear it anywhere. Anywhere what is wrong with me . Stephen have you been designing clothe for a long time . I have not. This is a first. This is a dream come true. I have been designing them in my head since i was a teenager, and this is my first experience. Im so excited. Its a holiday line, j. P. Penny out november 12. We announced yesterday. Stephen i imagine as a teenager huaccess to some pretty darn good clothes the best. Stephen because your mother, the lovely talented legendary diana roz was a fashion icon in her own right. Yeah, yeah. cheers and applause . Stephen you guys are probably about the same size, right . Sadly for her, we are. Yes. Stephen okay, so would you raid . I railed eye call it shopping. laughter i call it shopping. And, yes, i would raid her closet stephen do you still . Do you still go shopping . Yes, sir, yes, monsieur. I call it shopping. My mom has Amazing Taste and unfortunately for her as i said she and i wear the same size. And in high school, for example, i remember she was leaving to go for work, and she was going down driveway and i watched her go down the driveway and i went in her close closet and i was, lik, taking everything i liked. I liked to put if in my closet faz it were mine as opposed to sneaking it out of her closet. And she came back in. She forgot something. And i was like, im just helping to organize your closet as a surprise for when you get home laughter stephen and did she buy that . No. Stephen okay, good, good. You, also ey i mean, your childhood must have been full of fun. Do you know what this is . Oh, yeah. Stephen how old are you in this photo . Im so bad at that. Eight, between eight and 12. Sphen eight and 12. This was a polaroid taken by andy warhol. Stephen okay. The andy warhol. Did not know who he was. Was just a weird man. laughter . Stephen then you knew who he was. You knew who he was. But he made extraordinary art. Stephen he was professionally weird, though. He wore the white wig. Which for me now what an extraordinary human. But as a child, it was like whats happening. It was an airport hangar, all painted floor, ceilings, wall, everything, mint green. Stephen here in the city. Here in the city. He took pictures of us and we werent meant to move and he turned them into paintings and i now at 44 get to say i was painted and photographed by andy hall. Stephen what do you that can expression is saying . Shes like, who is this guy . Im like, mooooom. Right out of the corner of my eye. Stephen youll thank me later. Keep an eye on your mom. Stephen so its season four. Which is insane, yes. Stephen season four of blackish. Congratulations on that. applause and now, listen stephen it started last week. We started last week. Stephen started last week and we started with the juneteenage episode air, musical episode, which was fantastic, and right in line with the d. N. A. Of our show, we are jumping in on those heavy topics, even though were a comedy. And this week, our episode is on postpartum. Stephen this is an extraordinary thing you do. You you folks over there managed to tackle really weighted issues but still keep it a comedy without any laugh track or anything like that. You guys just do really incredible material. I think the writers are incredible. I really do. I think the way they enter the subject matter is interesting. The fact that we deal with these the n word, gun control, police brutality, and still its funny without us making fun of those topics is really exciting. It makes it really fun work for me to do. Stephen we have a clip of you and Anthony Anderson from blackish. What is happening in the scene . Bo is a doctor and is experiencing the symptoms of postpartum and hasnt experienced it before and isnt quite ready to say thats what it is. Stephen in denial. And we find a quiz in the magazine and take it. You know what might be fun . What. If we take this postpartum depression quiz together. Dre, i dont want to do that. Im okay. Totally, totally. But, i think we should we should take, it just in case one of us has a debilitating mood disorder. So ill go first. Do you feel sad, hopeless, overwhelmed, empty . Thats a nope for me. How about you . Uh, well, i feel sad. Uhhuh. And i feel hopeless. And i feel overwhelmed, but i dont feel empty so, i guess its a no for me. Okay this is fun. laughter stephen really lovely. Thank you. Stephen and true im very proud of that. Stephen its very true. Its very true. And its a very real thing that many women experience, and its not its not diagnosed because people are not comfortable coming forward. So i hope we do a little bit to help that. applause . Stephen well, you have an experience that i i could never experience. Which is . Stephen a woman can have a baby. I can never have a baby, i cant experience this. But you could have another experience that i do not understand. No stephen you do not drink coffee or sugar. How do you in America Today in America Stephen how do you escape dripping coffee . It is everywhere and it is the nectar of the god. First of all, i drank coffee once in high school during an exam. And we were in the gym. And i swear to god, i drank two sips and i was like, oh, now this is weird. Because i felt like my entire soul went up and slapped on the ceiling. And i was and the difficult part of is that part knows all the answers to the questions. laughter i just im a very i have a very wiry, energetic personality, so coffee and sugar and stim lantz of any kind, even chocolate, make me feel like im having an anxiety attack or panic attack. Stephen wow. See, thats why i drink the coffee. I dont like that feeling. Stephen it keeps me weak all the time. It just feels like anxiety. It doesnt feel like energy. I go to sleerng or sometimes if im real tired because i wake up at four checkin the morning for work sometimes. I do jumping jacks stephen wait, at 4 00 in the morning do you jumping jacks. Yeah, or i do some yoga its crazy but its true, i dry brush. You have ever dry brushed . Stephen what. Exactly. Its good for your circulation im so sorry i brought it up. Stephen what kind of brush are we talking about here . Like a toilet brush. Its not a toilet brush, but the bristles are that firm. Stephen and what does one do . You dry brush your skin and it helps the circulation and it wakes you up. Stephen that sounds like ancient romans whipping themselves with laurel branches or Something Like that. To me it sounds so much healthier than a cup of coffee. Stephen ill get you some better coffee. Clearly, there are two people out there that dont drink coffee. Everybody else is like shes nuts. Stephen between every act of this show i get a fresh cup of coffee. Literally you would watch me and i would scrp disappear. I would be gone. Stephen would be a great trick. Would be a agreement trick you want me to disappear stephen well, we do have to go to commercial. It was lovely it see you. Thank you so much for being here. Blackish airs tuesday nights on abc. Tracee ellis ross everybody. Well be right back with luke , endless fiber it could be wearing on you. Tell your doctor what youve tried, and how long youve been at it. Linzess works differently from laxatives. Linzess treats adults with ibs with constipation or chronic constipation. It can help relieve your belly pain and lets you have more frequent and complete bowel movements that are easier to pass. Do not give linzess to children less than six and it should not be given to children six to less than eighteen. It may harm them. Dont take linzess if you have a bowel blockage. Get immediate help if you develop unusual or severe stomach pain, especially with bloody or black stools. The most common side effect is diarrhea, sometimes severe. If its severe, stop taking linzess and call your doctor right away. Other side effects include gas, stomacharea pain and swelling. Talk to your doctor about managing your symptoms proactively with linzess. Get on up, mama. Get on up. Do what you want. Do you want, let the record hop. Degree motionsense. Ultimate freshness. With every move. The more you move, the more it works. Degree, it wont let you down. Directv has been rated 1 in Customer Satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. But some people still like cable. Just like some people like banging their head on a low ceiling. Drinking spoiled milk. Camping in poison ivy. Getting a papercut. And having their arm trapped in a vending machine. But for everyone else, theres directv. For 1 rated Customer Satisfaction over cable switch to directv. Call 1800directv. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlement, you know my next guest from the fast and furious movies and beauty and the beast. I know him as bard the bowman from the hobbit. Please welcome, luke evans good to see you applause stephen nice to see you again. Nice to see you, too. Stephen weve seen each other a few times over the years. Do you first time we have had an interview together. Do you remember the first time we met . I certainly do. You came to new zealand when i was shooting the hobbit. Stephen thats right. And somehow wangled your way on to one of my keeps with your family. Stephen thats exact it. Peter jackson asked me if i wanted to play its family wanted to play spy network. Thats right. Stephen but the very night we shot that scene, do you remember going to a party . We went to one of the writers of lord of the rings and the hobbit, and you had a toikenoff. And the most difficult toiken questions i ever heard anybody be asked. Stephen i dont think they were that hard, actually. That was a peek moment for me, but thats not what i remember about the party. Do you want ton what i remember about the party . I was there with my wife and my two boys, and the boys had gotten there for a few days to do fishing in new zealand, which is incredible there. It is great. Stephen and evy had gotten down there. And i said, ill take care of the boys. You enjoy the party. Ive been on a vacation a few days. It was fran walshs house. She said, do you want them to take a nap . And i put them down for a nap and i came out looking for my wife. And i cant find my wife. And i said, has anybody seen evy . Shes there, back in there with luke, or Something Like that. Im not sure. So i come around the corner and there is my wife talking to you, looking at you like youre the captain of the football team. laughter and shes one of the cheerleaders in high school. And i said and i said i said, hey, guys and i took a photograph. And this is the photograph i took at that moment. applause caught redhanded. Stephen she is completely she is shes looking at me like, yeah, you caught me. laughter hes kinds of cute. Shes very a lovely lady. Stephen i can point something out. How much skin youre showing. It was somewhere. Stephen look how much skin. I get no skin. Look at the skin my wife gets. We can undo the buttons. cheers and applause . Stephen what is this . This is actually weirdee stephen a symbol of new zealand. Its the hook, the fishing hook, made out of this beautiful jade. Stephen i can see that . Thats warm. Thats really warm. Thats right. Right next to my heart. laughter stephen now, the new movie you have is called professor marston and the wonder women. Yes. Stephen now, explain to the good people out there who may not know, where wonder woman came from. Professor maforton was a psychology professor in the 1930s and with his wife created the early lie detector test, which is part of the story. He has a Polyamorous Relationship with two women for his whole life, has children with them both, then goes on and creates wonder woman. The same person did all of these things. And its an extraordinary story stephen how does the professor become the creator of a comic book superhero . He had a very vivid imagination and was inspired by the two women in his life. The creation of wonder woman is inspired by these two wernl the way they looked and she the deflected bullets the bracelets. Thats what one of the women used to wear. Its very interesting how he drew many parallels from his life with this with this with his own life, which is quite unusual. Stephen we have a clip here. Thats right, yes. Stephen with oliver platt. Who plays m. C. Gains who is basically the man who created superman and the Company Became d. C. Comics. Pitching supreme athe wonder woman, yes. Stephen jim. Prima, the wonder woman, will not be an ordinary comic book. But instead, the start of a powerful feminist movement. She will be carefully crafted based on a lifetime of research into the human mind, inserted into a pop lust medium and equal rights for women. Do you always lay it on so thick . Suprema the wonder woman . Its too wordy. Why dont you just call her. Wonder woman . Wonder woman. laughter applause cheers stephen now, as you were saying, the character has Polyamorous Relationship. Yes. Stephen and i understand i havent seen the movie yet, but im looking forward to it for many reasons, this is one of them. There are unconventional sex scenes in this movie, i understand. Yes. Three people three, yes. Stephen ropes. One is enough. Stephen costumes. Costumes. Stephen i imagine a sex scene must be difficult enough but when you make it a little more creative like that, does it get easier or harder . Its never easy, especially when you have 10 middleaged sweaty camera crew and boom operators no offense, guys. laughter . Stephen im sure none taken. You couldnt be sweaty. Its leaks fridge. But it was very hard on the set. The director, angela, decided she would play some music to sort of loosen us up. So were all very nervous. There are three of us. Were having to do dressup and all watch the show. And she puts this song on, and were all standing there trying to get ready for it, the cameras are rolling. And out of the speakers lets go it on marvin gay, which was quite we burst out laughing. And weirdly she used that laugh in the film because it was very human, you know. People laugh when they make love sometimes. So. laughter applause stephen ive never been ive never been so lucky . Well, it was lovely to see you again. Thanks so much for being here. Thank you very much. Stephen professor marston and the wonder women is in theaters friday. Luke evans, everybody well be right back with a performance by jade bird. Stick around. And if you feel like i do, baby kyle mom mom kyle, we talked about this. Theres no monsters. But you said theyd be watching us all the time. No, no. No, honey, we meant that progressive would be protecting us 24 7. We just bundled home and auto and saved money. Thats nothing to be afraid of. But good night, kyle. [ switch clicks, door closes ] i told you i was just checking the wiring in here, kyle. Hes never like this. I think somethings going on at school. [ sighs ] hes not engaging. Are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. You are a true friend of the crown. Dilly, dilly. Dilly dilly madame susan, you are an even truer friend of the crown. Dilly, dilly. Dilly dilly what is that . This is a spiced honey mead wine that i have really been into lately. Please follow, sir brad. Hes going to give you a private tour of the pit of misery. Im sorry, what . Pit of misery dilly dilly dilly dilly heres to the friends you can always count on. Cpresented bye cotarget. Food has the power to transform lives. With the help of target, the San Francisco Marin Food Bank addresses hunger headon in the community. Our food pantries are vibrant. People feel welcomed, and theyre being respected. It helps our team members see the work that they do in the store every day. How that actually relates to their communities. Cbs eye on the community is sponsored by target. Depression is a tangle of multiple symptoms. Thats why theres trintellix, a Prescription Medication for depression. Trintellix may help you take a step forward in improving your depression. Tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. Do not take with maois. Tell your healthcare professional about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications, to avoid a potentially lifethreatening condition. Increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur, especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin or blood thinners. Manic episodes or vision problems may occur in some people. May cause low sodium levels. The most common side effects were nausea, constipation and vomiting. Trintellix had no Significant Impact on weight in clinical trials. Ask your healthcare professional about trintellix. Cilantro. Parsley. Spinach. Basil. Toothpicks . Campbells slow kettle chef crafted soups. Mm can i get some more spinach . Made for real, real life. Sometthats when he needs the way ovicks vaporub. s sleep. Proven cough medicine. With 8 hours of vapors. So he can sleep. Vicks vaporub. Goodnight coughs. Making her Network Television debut. Here performing cathedral from her e. P. , something american ladies and gentlemen jade bird i woke all in white right in the middle of the night i hoped you knew that i had left you with no reason why and i know i wasnt kind and you probably lost your mind but, oh, i couldnt find one reason not to run a mile i heard it from the aisle of the cathedral baby, i was gonna break your heart even in the vat of something evil know we had to stop before we start and we torture each other and wonder why we ever promised until we died and i swore that id never leave you behind but ive seen the light, oh, ive seen the light you made me feel so safe i recall it like its yesterday arranged like a thoughtout maze i try, couldnt find a way i was screaming out then you told me that we were bound i was screaming out, now all i hear is the sound i heard it from the aisle of the cathedral baby, i was gonna break your heart even in the vat of something evil know we had to stop before we start and we torture each other and wonder why we ever promised until we died and i swore that id never leave you behind but ive seen the light, oh, ive seen the light i heard it from the aisle of the cathedral baby, i was gonna break your heart even in the vat of something evil know we had to stop before we start and we torture each other and wonder why we ever promised until we died and i swore that id never leave you behind but ive seen the light, oh, ive seen the light but ive seen the light, oh, ive seen the light cheers and applause on the wind. Its expected to get stronger beginning tomorrow morning. Chopper5 was over glen ellen. On the sonoma napa border. Around dusk. When the nuns fire started devouring multimillion dollar homes. One after another. As for progress. The largest fire. The atlas. Is 3percent contained. 2 other big fires nearby. Are one percent contained. Complete live coverage. On kpix5 news. Starting at 4am. Chop, drum beats one time, in new orleans, well, before it was even founded, a french teenager scared away a british warship with just a story, and Great Stories kept coming. Some of them are epics, like when the military came here and built the boats to win the war. bbc announcer on the normandy peninsula some make you move, like when music fans discovered jazz, funk, and bounce. offscreen where yat johnny but you know some of our stories arent so straight forward. In fact, they make no sense at all. radio announcer blocked by the saints while others prove that great things can happen, even on a monday night. radio announcer listen to this crowd the story of our city is the story of all of its stories strung together like beads or rosaries, which some might call the same thing. Cause for 300 years, Great Stories have started the same way one time, in new orleans. laugh crowd applause at Stanford Health care, we can now repair complex aortic aneurysms without invasive surgery. If we can do that, imagine what we can do for varicose veins. And if we can precisely treat eye cancer with minimal damage to the rest of the eye, imagine what we can do for glaucoma, even cataracts. If we can use dna to diagnose the rarest of diseases, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. Imagine what we can do for you. Stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be andrew garfield, tracey ullman, and musical guest, wolf parade. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, jennifer connelly, jason alexander, and mark consuelos. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show announcer ladies and gentlemen, all the way