Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240711

Steve from 30 Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight, join jimmy and his guests kaley cuoco Megan Rapinoe comedian josh johnson. And the legendary roots crew and now heres your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy awesome. Oh, my goodness. Thank you very much. That feels good. Even though its its ten people a standing ovation is a standing ovation [ cheers and applause thats a loud ten people i love you guys. Thank you very much. Thanks for tuning in welcome to the tonight show. Lets get to the news and jokes. Well, guys, of course the big story from the weekend is that joe biden has been elected the 46th president of the United States [ cheers and applause yeah for 75 million americans, the announcement was like the greatest unboxing video of all time [ light laughter ] its biden its biden its biden its biden ill always remember where i was when i heard the news. I was sitting in front of the tv, like i had been 24 hours a a day for the past five days [ light laughter ] thats right, the election anxiety is finally over. Which means our pandemic anxiety is like, im back, baby hey [ laughter ] you can tell things are already getting back to normal this morning on my way to work i saw two new yorkers giving each other the finger and it had nothing to do with politics [ cheers and applause isnt that great so sweet over the weekend, here in new york city, people were celebrating from brooklyn to the bronx to queens. Look how happy everyone was. [ cheers and applause [ horns honking jimmy yeah people were spreading so much joy, spreading so much covid it was just memorable, to say the least. Meanwhile, trumps staff told him people were dancing in the streets because red lobster brought back crab crackin mondays. [ light laughter ] its such a big deal i mean, joe biden will be the 46th president of the United States, and Kamala Harris will be the first woman Vice President. [ cheers and applause this is historic right now, the Trump Campaign is trying to figure out where it all went wrong. If only they focused more on attacking biden over the swine flu. [ light laughter ] i feel like that was really starting to pick up. After days and days of waiting, news anchors couldnt wait to call the election. Watch this joseph r. Biden, jr Joe Biden Joe biden Joe Biden Joe biden has been elected president of the United States he is president elect, Joseph Robinette biden jimmy yep, wolf blitzer was like, we waited til saturday because we knew people would want to go out and get turnt. [ light laughter ] also, did anyone notice joe bidens middle name is robinette . Tariq yeah jimmy trump wasted 18 months calling him sleepy joe. Robinette was right there. I mean, you could [ light laughter ] well, on saturday night, president elect biden addressed the nation from wilmington, delaware watch this i pledge to be a president who seeks not to divide but unify. Who doesnt see red states and blue states, only sees the United States. Let us be the nation that we know we can be a nation united, a nation strengthened, a nation healed. Jimmy americans are so damaged from the past four years, everyone was like, when is he gonna call someone an idiot . [ laughter ] when he is he going to insult somebody come on, spice it up, man. Thats a very different president ial speech than were used to. White supremacists were like, no shout out . What the hell, man . [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] of course, biden was joined on stage by his running mate, Kamala Harris, who, as i mentioned, made history of her own. Listen to this Kamala Harris will be the first female Vice President , the first black Vice President , and the first asianamerican Vice President [ cheers and applause jimmy republicans arent panicking. They were like, at least shes married to a white guy named doug [ light laughter ] we can relate to that. Right, guys . Thats right Kamala Harris will be taking over for mike pence. Its rare these days for a a human to take over the job of a robot. [ laughter ] this is interesting. This is interesting. In the hours after the race was called, several people left messages on trumps voice mail to share their thoughts on the historic election. And we were able to get our hands on some of the messages. Yeah check these out. [ beep ] two things. Our legal strategy isnt working. And i locked myself in the toilet again i wish i could feel sympathy, but because of you, my wife calls me low energy jeb in bed call if you ever need to talk but not too late, mother and i turn in at 7 00 after watching animal planet. [ phone buttons tone ] oh. [ phone dialing [ laughter ] [ phone dialing jimmy oh, and this was maybe the craziest story of the whole campaign on saturday, trump tweeted that his legal team was holding an event at the four seasons in philadelphia and nobody knows what happened, but the event was actually at a place called four seasons total landscaping. Check out Rudy Giuliani at the podium of the four and thats trumps best lawyer. Trump saw that and he was like, ugh, did he get fooled by borat again . The press conference was located next to a sex shop and a crematorium. Honestly, thats about where youd expect giuliani to have a law office when rudy walked into four seasons landscaping, everyone was like, the sex shop is one over. [ light laughter ] and heres another giant story today pfizer announced that they might be close to a covid vaccine. Check it out in what could be a potential breakthrough in the battle against covid. A vaccine developed by pfizer and biontech has shown a 90 efficacy rate in a trial with more than 43,000 participants. Jimmy and this is crazy. Youre not gonna believe what the vaccine is sunlight and bleach. [ light laughter ] thats gotta sting right . Thats gotta sting how much does this burn trump . Thats like your wife divorcing you, and then in text day she wins the power ball. And then marries timothee chalamet. Yeah, a vaccine could be on the way. Americans were excited until they realized it means theyll have to attend 50 weddings in june meanwhile, when the vaccine news broke, the ceo of zoom said mother [ bleep ]. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause in response to the news from pfizer and the results of the election, the stock market opened the week with a a recordbreaking day. Seriously, markets are up, a a vaccine is on the way. If biden wins the nobel prize, trumps gonna have a nervous breakdown. This is crazy its like the 2020 dam busted and all the good news started spilling out look, im not superstitious, but all of this good stuff started happening when abc switched bachelorettes im just saying. I am not a conspiracy theorist back to the president elect, biden is not wasting any time. Today he announced the members of his Coronavirus Task force. Watch this joe biden is rolling out his Covid Task Force the 13member panel will be cochaired by vivek murthy, david kessler, and dr. Marcella nunez smith the team also includes dr. Rick bright, who filed a a whistleblower complaint against the Trump Administration for its handling of the pandemic. Jimmy yeah, and unlike trumps Coronavirus Task force, biden said they wont begin each meeting by shouting, science is the Devils Playground all right. Lets begin. [ light laughter ] meanwhile, trump is still president and hes making the most of the time he has left President Trump tweeted that he has fired defense secretary mark esper this is the first of what we anticipate could be many shakeups around the president in the wake of his loss. When most people are feeling down, they cheer themselves up with a bottle of wine, maybe a a gift on amazon trump fires the secretary of defense. Right now at white house its like a liquidation sale. What does mark esper care . At this point, its like getting fired from quibi [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause and finally, even though biden gave his victory speech and the transition is under way, trump still hasnt conceded. And i read that white house staffers are trying to figure out who should be the one to tell him its over people thought it might be Jared Kushner or ivanka, but today they finally found the perfect person to deliver the news watch this you just lost and now you feel the sensation of losing. Really, for the first time how does it feel you just come in here with that negative attitude. Okay okay okay i think what happened was disgraceful. It should never have happened. You were fired. I doubt it i doubt it i really doubt it. Just go [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a great show give it up for the roots everybody. The roots [ cheers and applause jimmy hello, everyone. Thank you very much. We have a great show for you tonight. From the upcoming series, the Flight Attendant, on hbo max, kaley cuoco is here. [ cheers and applause kaley cuoco. Plus, her new book, one life is out tomorrow. Megan rapinoe is here. [ cheers and applause and we got standup from josh johnson [ cheers and applause very, very funny guys, chance the rapper is gonna be on the show next week, and we wanted to do something really fun with him. But we need your help. Its for a new bit called kid raps. So give your kid the title of one of chances songs. Nothing else, just the title and have them write a rap based on that. How young were you when you first wrote your rap tariq um, i was actually nine jimmy nine years old yeah, see if you can beat tariqs age. [ light laughter ] he waited a long time. Too long, some say tariq i was a late bloomer jimmy yeah, do you remember what you rapped about . Yeah. Jimmy what was that . Tariq i mean, just being, you know, devastating. [ light laughter ] jimmy thats not true. Tariq it is true jimmy you were devestated you said that how devastating you were tariq yeah. Jimmy at nine years old . Tariq yeah jimmy oh come on tariq okay jimmy can you improve . Tariq yeah it goes well im a hip hoppe i never stop a rockin around the clock a double t you know its me im rocking on the m. I. The moneymaker booty shaker party rocki non stop a girl take a heart breake undercover super lover im everywhere double t cant repeat hit the mic and i wil be the rock and i rock i and i got to be the to Division Double t great as the pyramids all is right and alway right and jimmy oh then i go by th name of double t im so devastating a monkey maker i wonder whether wh you got dominated [ cheers and applause jimmy all right. So your kids dont have to be that good. Dont let the pressure your kids yeah [ laughter ] not everyone can do that oh, my gosh. Questlove show off jimmy yeah, exactly. You should have heard my first song it was like my names jimmy fallon [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah if you go to tonightshow. Com kidraps, it has all the details. It is going to be fun. Check it out [ cheers and applause thank you, tariq devastating. Hey guys, last week was crazy. Election day should have been one night, but ended up being almost an entire week. But anyways, we wanted to say thank you to all of the hardworking journalists and reporters who didnt get much sleep in order to bring us the news pxpx thank you, everyone especially Steve Kornacki. Our very own kornacki was up late i was getting scared at one point he was kind of falling down he was just like wobbling oh, got to hold kornacki i cant let him go down. Its too important but i did want to say thank you, so i decided to surprise him at his office. Man his office is just a mess. [ light laughter ] he is just downstairs. Hes in our building, at msnbc so i just surprised him this afternoon. Take a look. [ cheers and applause jimmy okay, here we go gonna find kornacki. Is Steve Kornacki there . We are here. We are at the right place. Look, msnbc, this is the floor gosh, its dark in here. Are these temporary offices . Kornacki kornacki this is like bizarre Steve Kornackis office. Hello, can i come in whats up, dude. [ light laughter ] how are you doing jimmy wow. Oh my jimmy this is the office what in the world . God. Second floor jimmy Steve Kornacki, the legend, the chart throb himself. Come on out buddy. Steve, you are still standing. Youre doing all right i am recharged. Im feeling okay jimmy feeling great what happens now to you though. They put me back into preservation for about three and a half years i got you a Little Something cause of you know this is for you. Okay. Look at that yeah jimmy it is a subway 5 gift card and a bottle of jack we love you. This is really kind of you. I wish i had you welcomed jimmy i dont want anything there is not much in here [ laughter ] jimmy Steve Kornacki, everybody. The one and only good job, buddy. Fist bump. Thanks for visiting jimmy yeah, no problem well be back with more tonight show, everybody. Come on back shall i put her in snow mode . Nope what about offroad mode . Nah. Sport mode it is. Lets see what this baby can do. Or. We could check out that Farmers Market . No you know what . Ill be in chill mode. button click if anyone needs me. Propilot assist with navilink. Available on the allnew nissan rogue. Now, theres skyrizi. I have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. 3 out of 4 people achieved. 90 clearer skin at 4 months. After just 2 doses. Skyrizi may increase your risk of infections. And lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection. Or symptoms such as fevers,. Sweats, chills, muscle aches or coughs. Or if you plan to or recently received a vaccine. I feel free to bare my skin. Visit skyrizi. Com. Cheddar, jalapeno and sour cream onion the spicy nacho stack. I wish i could stack pringles but i dont have hands or a mouth to. Cool, play my dance playlist. Theres a flavor stack for everyone. Sort of. Its following your passion to bto the very top. And setting the standard by which all who follow, will be measured. Tequila herradura, the worlds most gold medal awarded tequila. [whats this . ] oh, are we kicking karly out . We live with at t. It was a lapse in judgment. At t, we called this house meeting because you advertise gigspeed internet, but we cant sign up for that here. Yeah, but im just like warming up to those speeds. Youve lived here two years. The personal attacks arent helping, karly. Dont you have like a hot pilates class to get to or something . [ muffled scream ] stop living with at t. Xfinity can deliver gig to the most homes. Its following your passion to bto the very top. And setting the standard by which all who follow, will be measured. Tequila herradura, the worlds most gold medal awarded tequila. Jimmy welcome back, guys it can be hard to say goodbye, but sometimes you have to. And there are a few things id like to say goodbye to right now. Its time for go on, git. [ cheers and applause go on git go on git go on go on go on git jimmy go on, git, election touch screens. Thanks for being the ipads we needed and the tvs no one asked for. You served this country well, but now its time to get back to the cnn supply closet until 2024 may you live to be pinched and poked another day. til then, breaking news, you better go on to the git. [ cheers and applause go on, git, mahogany oh, you think because youre a a straightgrained, reddish brown timber with a range that extends from south america to north america that you get to have a four syllable, hoity toity name like mahogany heres a new name for you. Tree [ laughter ] dont like that one . Heres another one wood wham bam go on, git [ cheers and applause go on, git, Daylight Saving time sure, its fun to switch things up, but you know what else is fun . Daylight the only things i need less light for are movie theaters and laser tag. And both of those are on covid hold or hovid, as i call it besides, im tired of adjusting my oven clock at your whim so why dont you spring forward, fall back, and go on, git [ cheers and applause [ spitting ] [ ding ] go on, git, anteaters, you big weirdos. You look you look like someone stuck a dirt devil onto a dogs face and said, hope you like ants. Well, i reckon god created you for a reason, and that reason was for me to say, thank you for eating all the ants. I do dislike ants. You can stay, anteaters, you weird looking conefaced beavers. [ cheers and applause [ light laughter ] go on, git, old hotmail address. You were the first email address i ever had, but youve outlived your usefulness by about 20 years the only emails you get now are bed, bath, and beyond coupons, links to adult website, and notifications from myspace. So, go on, git, cooldude555 hotmail. Com. And dont let the barn door hit you in the backside. [ cheers and applause well, its hard to see them go, but glad i got that all out of my system. Well be right back with kaley cuoco, everybody [ cheers and applause this year, our driveways have brought us all closer together. And been our gateways to the world. For over 30 years, lexus has been celebrating driveway moments. In a year filled with memorable ones, heres to one more. The lexus december to remember sales event. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Shop today and tomorrow haveat kohls. Ed and save big with an extra 20 off plus, get a little more for your wallet with kohls cash plus get fast and free store pickup. Shop black friday deals now extended. Today and tomorrow only. At kohls. When panhe doesnt justs mmake a pizza. He uses fresh, clean ingredients to make a masterpiece. Taste our delicious new flatbread pizzas today. Panera. Women with metastatic we breast cancer. Rs. Our time. For more time. Has come. Living longer is possible and proven in postmenopausal women taking kisqali plus fulvestrant. In a clinical trial, kisqali plus fulvestrant helped women live longer with hr , her2 metastatic breast cancer. And it significantly delayed disease progression. Kisqali can cause lung problems or an abnormal heartbeat, which can lead to death. It can cause serious skin reactions, liver problems, and low white blood cell counts that may result in severe infections. Tell your doctor right away if you have new or worsening symptoms, including breathing problems, cough, chest pain, a change in your heartbeat, dizziness, yellowing of the skin or eyes, dark urine, tiredness, loss of appetite, abdomen pain, bleeding, bruising, fever, chills, or other symptoms of an infection, a severe or worsening rash, are or plan to become pregnant, or breastfeeding. Avoid grapefruit during treatment. Ask your doctor about living longer with kisqali. We love our new home. Theres so much space. We have a guestroom now. But, we have aunts. Youre slouching again, ted. Expired, expired. Expired. Thanks, aunt bonnie. Its a lot of house. I hope you can keep it clean. At least geico makes bundling our home and Car Insurance easy. Which helps us save a lot of money oh, teddy. Did you get my friend request . Uh, ill have to check. doorbell ringing aunt jonis here for bundling made easy, go to geico. Com. Hello . Jimmy my first guest tonight executive produces and stars in the new series, the Flight Attendant, which premieres thanksgiving day on hbo max. Here is kaley cuoco. Hey guys. Jimmy oh, wow. Its so good to see you. To say im still wild jimmy i know my gosh. Its so weird hi, jimmy. Jimmy thank you for coming on the show. I appreciate this, and im psyched about the Flight Attendant. Thank you jimmy before the pandemic though you were filming the Flight Attendant all over the world . Yes yes, its quite an International Show before the pandemic, obviously we were in thailand and then we were in rome for a while, so right before in january of last year. Jimmy you were telling me that in italy though you actually felt you felt like you were becoming more like your character i [ laughter ] jimmy you have to tell the story, cause its just like its awesome so my character, cassie, is kind of a hot mess a fun, hot mess loves to drink, loves to party so one night in rome, me and the cast decided to go out and be like, you know, one of the locals so we were with a couple guys that lived in rome and knew the town so they brought us to this amazing club very small club. Again, locals. Like, no tourists. The place was very small youre packed like sardines. The music is like loud, bumping. Im like i have never been to a place like this before. I walked in, and first thing that i clocked in this very small club were open candelabras. So like imagine you know, like beauty and the beast, like open flames jimmy right, okay. Right jimmy yeah, sure so im like, wow, thats and i clocked it. Im like, thats got to be thats got to be a little dangerous. So we walk in, and like, ah, more shots, whatever. So were sitting there jimmy yeah, its like, yeah, were too concerned in america. Come on. Lets be european. This is cool. Right stop being so worried, cuoco. So im sitting there looking at my girlfriend, sitting at the bar, sitting in a tall chair and theres so many people and all of a sudden my girlfriend, i see her eyes go big and i smell smoke. And i i look around, and im like, do you smell that . And she goes its and i see her like motion that its me out of nowhere this man comes from behind me which i still dont know that my hair is the one thats on fire my hair has now caught on fire this man comes, i think hes attacking me and im go, oh, my god, this man. And i start hearing in the club people chanting. Fuoco fuoco fuoco im like, oh, my god, not only is my hair on fire, everyone in this club is recognizing me. Theyre, cuoco, cuoco, cuoco. Jimmy cuoco, cuoco, cuoco yeah, theyre attacking you. Yes, theyre attacking me and im like, oh, my god, like im too famous to be here. Like the narcissist in my brain. Jimmy yes. Im like, you guys, we have to go. And theyre like, but theres fire, and theyre trying to put the fire im like, guys, please no pictures. And im hearing, fire. And im like, i know im on fire we got to go we got to go. So finally, i realize that its my hair. Im thinking they are telling me im on fire like, hey, baby, you know, youre on fire. And im like my hair had completely caught on fire. Jimmy uhhuh this man who i thought was attacking me in a club in rome was actually saving my life. So when we leave me and my friends were all talking about it, can you believe that happened . Like, i cant believe i survived that. Like my hair were shooting tomorrow. So were with a couple italian guy guys who were like who were like, yeah, everyone was yelling fire in the club and i was like, well, no, they were yelling cuoco. he goes, well, they were yelling fuoco, which means fire in italian. And i was like, they werent calling my name in the club . Jimmy no one cares [ laughter ] no one knew who i was and i was convinced im telling you, one letter difference, fuoco. Jimmy and youre like, whoa, you are attacking me. No paparazzi, please yes, of course were hot. Please. Jimmy were on fire. Yes. We laughed for days, cause they were like and they walked by, a couple of guys that i worked with that were there were like, hey, fuoco. Like it became a joke on set and they called me fuoco. And i was like it was pretty insane, yeah jimmy well, im happy you survived all of that, and i thank that man who saved you and saved i was so mad at him but now, you know, at least i can announce that he saved me. I really thought he was attacking me jimmy yeah but he saved my life and my hair and i owe him a lot. Jimmy do you want to tell everybody what the Flight Attendant is about . Yes its about a boat captain. Im kidding. Its about the Flight Attendant is about a stewardess who lives her life internationally, named cassie. Shes kind of like i said earlier, a hot mess, loves to drink, has a lot of issues but shes a blast to be around and you know, she she goes home with a passenger, very goodlooking passenger for her one night off in bangkok in thailand and she wakes they have a a wild night they get completely blackout, the time of their life and she wakes up next to his dead body and her life is just hell for the next eight episodes, and trying to figure out who did this and exonerate herself and also learn it gets dark as episodes go, learning about herself and her past jimmy i want to show a a clip here is kaley in the Flight Attendant on hbo max. Thank you jimmy take a look at this. Where are you i dont this place is so pretty yeah. No, okay thats not an answer bangkok . Oh, speaking of getting arrested in foreign countries, do not get arrested there. The laws are like byzantine. Right yeah how did you know that im in bangkok . Oh, when we all took that girls trip to toulouse, we turned on the find friend thing because of like kidnapping and yeah, you just never turned yours off, so. Listen, you are not actually in trouble or something, are you . No, im hungover in thailand jimmy more with kaley when we come back stick around, everybody. Oh, oh, oh, ozempic® announcer onceweekly ozempic® is helping many people with type 2 diabetes like emily lower their blood sugar. A majority of adults who took ozempic® reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. Heres your a1c. Oh my a1c is under 7 announcer and you may lose weight. Adults who took ozempic® lost on average up to 12 pounds. 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Yes for less jimmy welcome back tonight we are joined by the one and only kaley cuoco whose new series, the Flight Attendant, premieres november 26th on hbo max now i dont know about you, kaley, but whenever im on a a plane i can barely hear whatever the pilot is saying on the speakers do you know what im talking about . Yes yes. Jimmy so with that in mind, were gonna play a little game called the pilot voice challenge. Here we go pilot pilo pilot voice challenge jimmy now, questlove will be our pilot he is gonna say some famous song lyrics through a muffled intercom for one of us to guess. If we get it wrong our opponent gets the chance to steal all right, kaley okay. Jimmy i will go first. Here we go questlove shoes on, get up in the morn cup of milk, lets rock and roll jimmy whos on questlove king kong. Jimmy wait, wait have you questlove kick the drum. Jimmy are you saying different words . Questlove rolling on like a rolling stone. Jimmy are you saying the same word . Questlove roger. Jimmy can you can you start it again i heard like coupon . Coupon, get your coupon. Group on questlove as i was saying. Jimmy i cant even hear what youre saying questlove shoes on, get up in the morn cup of milk, lets rock and roll jimmy cup of milk . Questlove king kong, kick the drum jimmy oh, bts dynamite. Questlove yes. [ bell rings ] oh, my god. That was impressive. What jimmy dude, were you saying, shoes on . Tariq shoes on jimmy get up in the morn. Questlove get up in the morn. cup of milk. Lets rock and roll. Hey. King kong. Jimmy yup. Oh, god that was hard. Jimmy all right, here we go wow. All right it is your this is the hardest game ive ever played jimmy its your turn quest, what is the lyric questlove i did it again i played with your heart got lost in the game oh, baby, baby oops i did it again. Britney. [ bell rings ] jimmy you dont have to read it like youre a robot. I mean, like questlove hey, im the pilot here yeah. Sorry, youre the pilot. Jimmy time for round three here we go another lyric for us, quest. Questlove day to night to morning, keep with me in the moment id let you know i had it. Why didnt you say so . Jimmy hes not even saying words. Abba do have, steve miller band, abracadabra. [ buzzer ] questlove no jimmy i heard that all right kaley you get questlove shall i do it again . Let me try again let me try again jimmy hes gonna try again kaley, this is up to you you can steal. Questlove day to night to morning. Keep with me in the moment i let you know i i let you had i known it why dont you say so oh, why dont you say so. Oh, jimmy, you can have it, go jimmy its say so. That one. Jimmy oh yeah, say so. [ bell rings ] doja cat doja cat say so. That was good dude but you said questlove youre correct jimmy yeah, thank you. It was almost like questlove day to night to morning. Jimmy yeah, i know but this is like a weird person leaving a cryptic voice mail like on a a dateline episode it is very scary. Jimmy doesnt sound like a questlove like its not easy, right . I would be calling the police jimmy it is youre scaring me youre going like, didnt even notice you sound like a speak and spell. [ laughter ] questlove aeiou. Yes, it is. Jimmy the cow says moo. All right. This is kaleys turn quest, give us another one here we go questlove our whole universe was in a hot dense state. For nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started. Does it go expansion started, wait. Questlove wait big bang theory, baby. [ bell rings ] jimmy ah, come on no, come on. Okay this better be the tonight show theme. Its both of our turns for this final round. Tied right here ooh, this is a close game right here ooh, this is wow, it is. Jimmy whoever shouts the correct answer first wins. All right jimmy questlove, please, whenever youre ready, drop the lyric. Questlove half of my heart is in havana, oh na jimmy havana havana ooh, na, na. Questlove dang [ bell rings ] havana, ooh, na, na it was a close call jimmy half of my heart is in havana. Questlove yeah, yeah aeiou. [ light laughter ] jimmy kaley, im going to take the win on that, but i love playing with you. You got it. Jimmy that was the pilot voice challenge. The one and only kaley cuoco thank you jimmy shes in episodes of the Flight Attendant starting november 26th thanksgiving day on hbo max more tonight show when we come back. Thank you thanks, jimmy tmobiles been building its 5g network for a moment like this. Introducing the iphone 12 pro with 5g. Now at tmobile, you can unleash the power of the epic iphone 12 pro in more places. Get 2 iphone 12 pro max 2 lines of unlimited 5g for just 100. Only at tmobile. Americas largest 5g network. Family time turns flan brings abuela closer. And a good deal means a great deal. Hey guys want to stack different pringles flavors to create new flavor combos . Here ill. Go first. Pizza, barbeque and jalapeno. 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Your blessings all i ever wanted im stressed, you got me feelin nauseous wowwowwowwowwow wowwowwowwowwow wow jimmy our next guest is an olympic gold medalist, a a twotime world cup champion, and one of the most influential soccer players in history she has a new book out tomorrow called one life. Here she is, Megan Rapinoe yeah i love just giving you an intro. It just makes me feel so happy [ light laughter ] all the cool stuff youve done, youre awesome thank you for coming back. I loved chatting with you last time we were here i think you were here in july, and we were talking about a campaign that you were a a cochair, you were encouraging people to vote, and more people voted this year than any other year in american history. I know, it really is incredible to see the turnout. I probably would have liked more people to vote the way i did, but thats okay we got enough. It really is amazing i mean, we should encourage everybody to vote. As many people should vote as possible we should be making it easier and much more simple for people to vote. But it was pretty incredible to see the turnout this year. Jimmy joe biden, who is the president elect, he just recently congratulated you on twitter, because you just proposed to your now fiance, sue bird you have a photo right there oh, come on, now, with the sun and the water, come on, now. Now, walk me through what happened, and how long was it planned . Um, well, in true and typical megan fashion, i really do plan things and i do think about them i just dont actually have a a plan, so i had been thinking about it for awhile thinking about it really every day for a number of months i didnt have a special ring i actually took one of the rings off my finger and gave it to sue and i didnt know exactly when i was going do it. But, like, just the Perfect Moment presented itself. Obviously the photos beautiful. Shout out to our friend boots for taking the photo it was really sweet, and beautiful and spontaneous, but planned at the same time jimmy and now, here we are look at this you wrote this book, and you started by admitting that you wrote it to take advantage of all the Media Attention that you get. Yeah, i mean, i think that people always say, like and i think athletes and famous people are really cognizant to not look like theyre, like, leveraging the moment, or like be being too, like, crass or shrewd and trying to leverage the moment and i was like, im just going to go the totally opposite way im going to, like, leverage every ounce of it i can, and, gain all the Media Attention i can, and blow it up as much as i can, but hopefully im going to do it accompanied with, you know, some good causes, obviously, equality, everyones for that. You know, you mentioned the voting before, equal pay and all that kind of stuff, so it was kind of one of those things, i was like, i think i can flip the script here and leverage the heck out of it, and try to do it for good. Jimmy yeah smart. Its like, yeah, if everyones listening to you and looking at you, youre like, lets go. Heres what i want to say. Yeah. Jimmy and heres the things that we can get. Heres the change that can happen exactly jimmy do you remember when your activism started, or where it comes from . No, i didnt grow up even knowing what the word activism was or having the language for it but, you know, i definitely remember my parents instilling in, you know, all of my siblings, but definitely my sister and i im a twin just like, you stand up for yourselves, you stand up for each other, you stand up for people who maybe need you to there was, like, an infamous bully situation in fifth grade, and it became very apparent. My mom was like, oh, youre going to stand up to that bully. Youre going to stand up to that person and not let them push other people around. Jimmy the thing that i love many things that i respect and admire about you, but i also like, youre an amazing athlete, but when you talk, or when you interview, or when you do bits, or even when youre playing, youre entertaining you cant take your eyes off you. And i was wondering if that goes to was it high school . Was there one moment where youre like, you did Something Weird and then there was like, woah, i like that thing you did there. And you go, yeah, i can do that as well, because you make some good tv as well yeah, i think, honestly, i think it goes back to even before that. I think it was two things. Im a huge Michael Jordan fan and a im a huge jim carrey fan. And so growing up, like, you have all of the movies ace ventura, you know, you got Michael Jordan, hes got his tongue out, hes obviously, like, hes an athlete, but hes entertaining everyone in this way that we hadnt seen before and then jim carrey, i mean, of course, to see this all come full circle and jim carrey doing the loser on snl. Jimmy right, crushed it. It was just like it was so ridiculous, so i feel like the showmanship and having fun with it i was never going to be the biggest, strongest, fastest, like, i was never going to be the best athlete im shocked that people think im even in the conversation to be the best, but i was like, entertain i can do. Jimmy yeah and check out the book, one life, cause Megan Rapinoe is a legend, and you will love this book. Uh, congrats on this im so excited for you one life is available everywhere, tomorrow so, we have it the day before. Im so excited and congrats again, buddy. Thank you jimmy well be back with standup from josh johnson come on back to more tonight show everyone humira patients,. This ones for you. You inspired us to make your humira experience even better. With humira citratefree. It has the same effectiveness you know and trust, but we removed the citrate buffers, theres less liquid, and a thinner needle. With less pain immediately following injection. Ask your doctor about humira citratefree. And you can use your copay card to pay as little as 5 a month. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections. Serious and sometimes fatal infections,. Including tuberculosis, and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened,. As have blood, liver, and nervous system problems,. Serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common. And if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections,. Or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Ask your doctor about humira citratefree. The same humira you trust with less pain immediately following injection. If you cant afford your medicine, abbvie may be able to help. If you cant afford your medicine, theres no bad time to start at amazon. I like the flexibility. It also allows for picking up shifts. Safety comes first, speed comes second. Safety. Safety. Safety. Were making sure that somebody is getting their very important items. It makes me very happy. How can i, when you wont take it from me you can go your own way xfinity mobiles fast nationwide 5g network meets the first iphone with 5g. Get the new iphone 12 on xfinity mobile. And right now get 250 off. Learn more at an xfinity store today. [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest is the host of the podcast, the josh johnson show. New episodes are available every thursday on apple podcast. Please welcome the very funny josh johnson [ cheers and applause ive been trying to keep up with everybody during the pandemic like ive been trying to keep up with my granddad, because hes, you know, one of my favorite people. And he helped raise me and everything so sometimes ill call he lives in an assisted living facility and so ill call him, and one of the things that happens these people are doing an incredible job but one of the things that inevitably happens is every time i call, they hand the phone to the wrong old man [ laughter ] every single time. So then, through the phone, i have to guide an old man to my granddad, right . [ laughter ] and the last few times they kept handing the phone to the same wrong old man named jb. Hes a lovely man, but hes not my granddad. [ laughter ] you know what i mean so they hand the phone to jb im pretty sure his name is jb because he was born before full names came out, all right . [ laughter ] this dude was born when there were js and there were bs, and then he put them together, you know he most 98yearold man i have ever come in contact with in my life so then they hand the phone to jb, and i say, hello, jb, and then he says, how do you know who i am . [ laughter ] and then i have to explain to him, sir, im actually your roommates grandson, okay . So weve actually had lots of conversations. I was just wondering if you could hand the phone to my granddad. And then hes like, i dont think i know who that is. And im like [ laughter ] yes, sir, you do. Hes your roommate he should be right there. And hes like, im not sure about that. And so then finally, i have to ask him, sir, is there an old black man, wearing a a conductors hat sitting on a a bed watching westerns . And then jb goes, how do you know that . [ laughter ] and then i have to spend 15 minutes explaining to this man that i am not the government, all right . [ laughter ] i dont know what jb did in his life to think the popo would still be after him [ light laughter ] it was insane. And so finally, i can hear him trying to get my granddads attention. And through the receiver i can hear him, and hear my granddad be like, cant you see im watching something leave me alone, im busy. Right . So then jb goes i dont think he wants to talk. So then i just talk to jb. [ laughter ] and honestly, its nice, its like having two granddads again, you know . [ light laughter ] cause i dont know if youre all as wellversed with old black men as i am. I dont know if theyre as intimately in your lives, but is it just me, or when old black men are about to fight, doesnt it sound like theyre about to tear into a piece of pie . [ laughter ] theyre just standing in front of each other like, mmmhmm hm hm hm mmmhmm. All right, okay. Mmmhmmhmm, you about to get it, all right . You about to get beat, all right . All right . And then they give you the recipe of the fight. Like im going to take these hands, all right im going to put a little foot in it, okay . Ima add some cane to it. [ laughter ] ive been watching a lot of tv and ive been watching a lot of romcoms especially. And i dont know if this bothers anybody else, but does it trip you out that everyone in a romcom has enough money to make it work . [ laughter ] know what i mean every romcom scenario is the same its like boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl. Boy misses it up boy buys a lastminute dayof flight to australia, one way, to get past the gate and stop girl from taking a a lifechanging opportunity across the world its like, i dont have lastminute flight money, all right . [ laughter ] like, even if i managed to get that ticket, i now have to go with you to australia, whether i win you back or not, you know [ laughter ] just running running onto the plane like sheila, look, im so sorry, okay im sorry, all right i was stupid i was dumb i cared more about my friends than the things that were important to me. Which is you. Youre the most important thing to me. You make me better, you make me whole, and i just want you to take me back all right, will you . No okay, well, move over, cause im window all right . I [ laughter ] i really thought this would work, but, you know. Buckle up for 16 hours of awkward. [ light laughter ] like, just once i want to see, like, a realistic romcom, you know i want to see a romcom where they cant afford to break up. You know like, boy meets girl, boy falls in love, boy messes it up, boy wants to move out, but in a fit of passion, they signed a lease. [ laughter ] so looks like this is life for the next six months, playboy [ light laughter ] guys, im josh johnson, thanks so much. You have a great night appreciate it. Thank you so much for coming out. [ cheers and applause jimmy josh johnson for more info go to sh