sentenced to seven to nine years in prison for lying to congress. then today, the department of justice issued a statement calling for much less prison time for stone and trump said that he had the right to tell the justice department what to do. then all four prosecutors in the stone case resigned in protest and then, trump called for the military to pursue legal action against lieutenant colonel alexander vindman for testifying against him in the impeachment trial. and senate republicans blocked three bills to prevent foreign interference in our elections. and lindsey graham and don junior showed up on "fox news" in matching trump merch. [ light laughter ] i guess what i'm telling you is, by this time tomorrow we might be a cooking show. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause multiple federal prosecutors resigned today after the justice department announced plans to reduce their sentencing recommendation for former trump adviser roger stone. pretty unsurprising for someone who looks like the get out of jail free card [ laughter and applause former -- you know former new york mayor mike bloomberg is facing backlash after old audio resurfaced in which he defended police for targeting minority neighborhoods. saying, quote, "that's where all of the crime is." which is definitely wrong because this was around when you were mayor [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause right there. hot bed of crime during an event this weekend, former vice president joe biden responded to a question about his electability by calling a woman a, quote, "lying dog-face pony soldier." but don't worry, it was just a joke that nobody understood because he's 100 [ laughter ] voting in today's new hampshire primary started at midnight last night in the 12-person town of dixville notch dixville notch is also what joe biden called a voter that disagreed with him [ laughter ] "i'll pop you in the kisser, yo dirty dixville notch." [ laughter ] the justice department is being criticized, following a report that it gave over $1 million to unfamiliar nonprofit organizations, including one called hookers for jesus [ light laughter ] said trump, "you had me at hookers, and lost me at jesus. [ laughter and applause i was with you and then, you lost me." according to a new survey, the best place to be proposed to is in central park. while the worst is, in the butt. [ laughter ] i'm legally required to do one joke the writers insist on [ laughter ] a new report has found that 61% of couples have gone on a vacation with their partner in an effort to reignite the romance. though you don't have to mention that in the caption. [ laughter ] lawmakers in virginia passed legislation last week to overturn a victorian-era law that prohibited premarital sex and now, they have to change the name [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause an extremely rare grand piano worth nearly $200,000 was destroyed last week after movers dropped it while taking it out of a recording studio in berlin. said a regular piano, "not so grand anymore, are you?" [ light laughter ] in the butt. [ laughter ] and finally, according to a new study, taking viagra can cause blurry vision. so, now, melania has also started using it for sex [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight he hosted "saturday night live" for the first time last weekend and is the emmy-winning host of "rupaul's drag race. returning for a 12th season, february 28th on vh1 rupaul is back, you guys [ cheers and applause she is the founder of the national voting rights organization, fair fight stacey abrams is back on the show tonight [ cheers and applause and she is a fantastic comedian whose latest special "weakness is the brand" is available on multiple platforms maria bamford is here tonight, you guys [ cheers and applause the democrats have held eight debates already. but i think there's still a lot of important questions left unanswered, so we decided to hold another one that's right, all seven qualifying candidates are right here, right now, and they're ready to go. so, without further ado, here's the "late night" democratic presidential debate. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: welcome to the "late night" 2020 democratic presidential debate. i'm your moderator, seth meyers. let's get started. vice president biden, how would you describe the status of your campaign at this point >> without friends, without support, without allies. [ laughter ] >> seth: senator sanders, i heard you don't like the term, boomers. what do you call them? >> young people. [ laughter ] >> seth: vice president, what's the one sentence that strikes fear into everyone when you're playing pickup basketball in the capitol? >> ruth bader ginsburg is on the court. [ laughter ] >> seth: senator klobuchar, where do all of the staffers you fire end up? >> 1,500 feet underground. [ laughter ] >> seth: vice president biden, be honest, when's the last time you smoked a doob? >> i took a hit in iowa. i'll probably take a hit here. >> seth: my man. [ laughter ] [ applause ] senator klobuchar, what do you think about people who applaud when the airplane lands? >> we should prosecute those people [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> seth: mayor buttigieg, what would you say to joe biden, if you visited the grand canyon together >> go all the way to the edge. [ laughter ] >> seth: senator klobuchar, you claim that one of your biggest strengths is your sense of humor, give me a hilarious punch line to this joke. two business men walk into a bar. >> one guy, a business guy, says to the other, they're eating them like doritos. [ laughter ] >> seth: i don't get it. [ laughter ] senator warren, what's the best way to avoid getting mugged on the subway >> put your money where your mouth is [ laughter ] >> seth: vice president biden, i heard that when beto o'rourke dropped out, he gave you his skateboard how did that work out? >> i busted my neck. [ laughter ] >> seth: senator klobuchar, how many times is lionel richie's lover a lady >> not once, not twice, but three times. [ laughter ] >> seth: mayor buttigieg, what do you call your fists >> murder and mayhem [ laughter ] >> seth: senator warren, what did you do on your fifth birthday >> i started my grown-up life. [ laughter ] >> seth: vice president biden, your body is looking pretty tight these days is there any way we could get a peek at the rest if it >> go to joebiden.com, you'll see the whole deal [ laughter and applause >> seth: dotcom? senator sanders, your "jeopardy!" category is heisman trophy winners for $800. in 1973, this buffalo bill nicknamed the juice, became the first player to rush for 2,000 yards in a season. [ buzzer ] >> who is a terrible murderer? [ light laughter ] >> seth: correct [ laughter ] [ applause ] senator klobuchar, complete this lyric from 2 live crew face down, ass up -- >> that is the best way to do it [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> seth: close enough. mayor buttigieg, where is mickey mouse? >> on my watch [ laughter ] >> seth: looks like we have time for one more question. vice president biden, you went to college in a time before free contraceptive programs what happened back then when you hooked up? >> what happened we pulled out. >> seth: whoa! [ laughter and applause it looks like we're out of time. so, on behalf of all the candidates, have a good night. we'll be right back with rupaul, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ some other 5g networks. and it's rolling out in cities across the country so people can experience speeds that ultra wideband can deliver. 1.7 gigs here in houston. 1.8 gigs here in frigid omaha. almost 2 gigs here in los angeles. that's outrageous! it's like an eight-lane highway compared to a two-lane dirt road. ♪ remember, you have out the hilton app. can the hilton app help us win? hey, hey-we're all winners with the hilton price match guarantee, alright? man, you guys are adorable! alright, let's go find your coach, come on! book with the hilton app. expect better. expect hilton. you try to stay ahead of the mess. but scrubbing still takes time. now there's new powerwash dish spray. it's the faster way to clean as you go. just spray, wipe and rinse. it cleans grease five times faster. new dawn powerwash. spray, wipe, rinse. we don't need to do anything special for valentine's day. okay. ♪ even if she says she doesn't need a thing ♪ ♪ show her you care, make her heart sing ♪ make this valentine's day mean more. ♪ jared. (professor) sthe product of sound pressure tand a component of the partial velocity at a point. [sounds] kazoo sound ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up for the 8g band right over there, everybody. [ cheers and applause and back with us tonight is the drummer for country music legend, shania twain, whose "let's go residency in las vegas" has dates scheduled throughout the year. for more information, be sure to follow their instagram at elijahwoodmusic. elijah wood, everybody thank you so much for being with us [ cheers and applause our first guest tonight is an actor, recording artist, iconic drag queen and emmy winning host of the hit reality show "rupaul's drag race," which returns for its 12th season february 28th on vh1 let's take a look. >> welcome to the main stage of nicki minaj's drag race. [ laughter ] and i'm so glad you're here. young money in the house her anaconda do. michelle massage >> you should know what my anaconda do. [ laughter ] >> style superstar carson kressley, you ready >> i am ready to pound the alarm. [ laughter ] even though i've never pounded anything in my life. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, rupaul, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> oh, my goodness >> seth: welcome back. >> thank you thank you. it's good to be in the building. >> seth: in the building you were here, we were talking backstage. an absolutely triumphant "snl" on saturday. >> i had a lot of fun. [ cheers and applause >> seth: it was wonderful. >> it was great. it was fun >> seth: you seemed very comfortable, very confident, which is, of course, how we're used to seeing you did you have butterflies, though >> no. you know, i was telling the cast, you know, it's only tv >> seth: yeah. >> just television you know, actually, i've been doing television for 38 years. i started my career in atlanta, georgia, on public access television >> seth: wow >> and that was -- and you know, anybody who had a camera could get on television. but you know, it's funny, what you were doing earlier with the -- remember in the '70s, they used to do those disc jockeys on radio, used to do those mashups, where they would have answers. >> seth: yes >> is that where you got that from >> seth: no. we invented it [ laughter ] it's very unique and original to us and we did not know that was a thing. >> well, no. you know, i think it's '73, i got my first panasonic tape recorder and i used to make those things where they would have, you know, superman versus batman >> seth: right, sure >> and nixon answers -- they were big hits on the radio stations >> seth: what was your -- 38 years ago what was your public access show in atlanta >> well, it wasn't mine. it was called the american music show in atlanta, georgia and you know, when cable came along, they had to allot a certain amount of channels for the public because the cable stations were using public ground and wiring and stuff. >> seth: yeah. >> so, anybody could have a television show. and you know, here in new york, remember the old "robin byrd show." >> yeah, i do remember the "robin byrd show," yes >> yes i think a lot of kids may remember that. >> seth: yes it was an education, yeah. [ laughter ] >> so, you know, that's what i was doing. >> seth: so you came to new york from atlanta >> yeah. >> and you sort of eluded to in your snl monologue, it was an interesting time to be in new york that had a lot of great elements in the '80s and '90s [ laughter ] because some people would say new york has been cleaned up but there was a part of new york that obviously was exciting and dangerous. >> well, no, but when i came here in the 1980s -- [ laughter ] no, it was still -- it was still dirty and fun. >> seth: yeah. >> it was so much fun. but you know, giuliani -- it was about '95 when it got cleaned up and i had left the scene by then i don't know if my leaving the scene was part of how it got cleaned up [ laughter ] >> but - >> seth: you know what, we might manage to clean it up now. we're not going to take it on when rupaul is here. [ laughter ] >> no, but you know, actually, when i got famous, that's when the drag fun ended for me, honestly because you know, i couldn't terrorize y'all's neighborhoods anymore. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> because i became the face of drag, darling, yes >> seth: quite a burden, i would imagine. >> yes it is well, you know, i had to act nice and christian and everything as much as i could [ light laughter ] >> seth: well, i genuinely mean this -- by acting that way, you have created this world, now, in its 12th season. this is a show that i think must have been hard for you to conceive in the '80s and '90s. this is a show that people watch with their families. >> yes yeah >> seth: this is a very -- it is a really fun, entertaining show with people being, you know, kind and supportive. and that was -- was that the world you knew in the '80s and '90s that people from the outside would never have imagined >> yeah, well, no. you know, listen, drag has never been really for -- consumption for everybody. drag is dangerous. it's politically incorrect it's meant to provoke different ideas. but the fact that it's become this semi-mainstream thing is mind-blowing in fact, on "drag race," we have two premieres this season. you get to see the first bunch of girls in episode one. and the second bunch of girls, we say girls -- we use that term loosely, okay? [ laughter ] in the second episode. >> seth: that's really exciting. you're also doing -- live. you have a live version in vegas? >> at the flamingo hotel, there's a live version of "drag race," which is great. i also have a master class which is coming out very soon. and it is mind blowing if you want to do drag, if you want to understand what it's about, you got to see my master class. [ laughter ] yeah [ cheers and applause it's really good >> seth: i need to do that >> i also have a line of watches i'd like to introduce you to [ light laughter ] >> seth: you saw nicki minaj there. >> nicki minaj you obviously have these celebrity guest judges do you have other fun ones planned for this season? >> we have a lot and you know, because i'm an elderly gentleman, i don't remember anyone. >> seth: perfect >> i don't know any of them. >> seth: we'll just assume they're there and having a fun time [ laughter ] you're married three years, to your husband, george >> yeah. but we've been together since, i think, after the korean conflict, we got together. [ laughter ] i can't believe you guys know what the korean conflict is. [ laughter ] you know, young kids, i saw the backstreet - >> seth: by the way, there's one happening right now. [ light laughter ] >> there is. that's probably what they thought. i saw the backstreet boys in the elevator coming up here. and my page, and i started singing "show me the meaning of being lonely" and the page i was with, he had no idea what that song was >> seth: yeah. >> and i was like, "that is -- max martin, one of the greatest pop songs of all-time. ♪ show me the meaning of being lonely ♪ >> seth: well here we go we'll get a little bit better here >> yes, yes. oh, my goodness. anyway, korean conflict, yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: where did you meet? because this is again, pre-apps, pre-internet >> i met george at the limelight disco right down the street, on the dance floor. [ cheers and applause >> seth: there you go. >> yeah. it was -- i met him on his birthday in 1994 and we have been dancing ever since. >> seth: that's wonderful. >> yes [ audience aws ] [ applause ] not just dancing - >> seth: he has a ranch in wyoming. >> yes >> seth: you also hit the ranch. and just a reminder that you can really -- you can fit in anywhere, you look very ranchy here [ laughter ] i mean, that is very ranch >> trust me, i'm the only one in probably a 50-mile radius wearing westernwear in wyoming >> seth: yeah. >> you know, it's true i took the opportunity to put on -- because i love clothes i love all that stuff. >> seth: of course >> and this is, like, my westernwear drag but no one else in wyoming is wearing these clothes. >> seth: that's really funny no one else. >> no. [ laughter ] >> seth: how did you come up with the persona because i imagine when you went to the world of drag, that's a big decision that you live with. like any name you give yourself. >> yeah, well listen i was telling someone earlier, you know, i've always been ambitious. and i've always liked to look under the hood, to see how things actually work so i knew that if i was going to do drag and make it to above 14th street, so to speak, i had to calculate the image and what i did was i had one part dolly parton to two parts cher, one part david bowie and a big heaping spoonful of diana ross >> seth: yeah. >> and then, i took -- and this is scientific. and i took the subversive sexuality out of my persona. so that betty and joe beercan can invite me into their living room and you know what? it worked. [ cheers and applause >> seth: it worked >> it worked >> seth: and what about the name >> rupaul is my real name. and i tell all the kids, if you are getting into show business, do not use your real name. because it winds up on all of your public records. oh, at the gynecology office oh, miss rupaul? is miss rupaul here? [ laughter ] and i'm like, "oh, my goodness." it's my real name. >> seth: yeah. >> my mother named me that my mother, who's from -- book mother and father from louisiana. and the roux in a gumbo, it's spelled differently, but the roux is how you -- the base of a gumbo. so she wanted to put her culture in there so it's rupaul >> seth: that's fantastic. she probably had no idea what a highly marketable name she was giving you >> oh, no, she did >> seth: she did >> she did when she was pregnant with me, this is before ultrasound. she went to a psychic who said, you're going to have a boy and he's going to be famous. >> seth: really? >> yeah. so i grew up thinking, how am i going to get famous? [ laughter ] i have to figure this out. one part dolly parton. two parts -- [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: i would hope -- i hope that psychic, for the rest -- absolutely [ cheers and applause >> true story. >> seth: that psychic should have had outside - predicted rupaul >> yeah. >> seth: called it when rupaul was still in the womb. >> right, right. >> seth: if i dip my toe into drag, what would be a good drag name for me? if you don't keep your own name? >> well, you know what happens is that when you get into your drag, the energy that you emit, emote, dictates what your name is >> seth: yeah. >> so you never know and that's why i see everyone -- boy, girl, everyone should get into drag so you can find out what that energy is. it will surprise you but you know, there's lots of names. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, if you had sirlady in front of anything, it's going to be a good name. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, it could be sirlady desktop. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, oh, i like that >> it's just really good >> seth: yes, sirlady -- plus, then, i could be in drag under the desk, which is great because my legs do not look good [ laughter ] >> that's right, and you don't have to talk >> seth: yeah, that would be really nice. >> which would be really good. >> seth: yeah. hey, thank you so much congrats again on saturday can't wait for the new season. >> thank you [ cheers and applause >> seth: we really appreciate it rupaul 12th season of "rupaul's drag race" premieres february 28th on vh1. we'll be right back with stacey abrams. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ woah. is this the future? this is the present. here is your order, bills. excellent! (guitar riff) ack ack ack ack ack! ack ack! ♪ where are they? yes, r2. i am quite aware we are lost. (beep sounds) i don't know. roll introducing jimmy dean a nebiscuit roll ups.st. we took delicious sausage, eggs, and cheese and rolled it all up, in a soft flakey biscuit. give your family a good hearty breakfast that you can eat on the go. it's not getting in my way.? i had enough! joint pain, swelling, tenderness... ...much better. my psoriasis, clearer... cosentyx works on all of this. four years and counting. so watch out. i got this! watch me. real people with active psoriatic arthritis are feeling real relief with cosentyx. cosentyx is a different kind of targeted biologic. it treats the multiple symptoms of psoriatic arthritis to help you look and feel better. it even helps stop further joint damage. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. an increased risk of infections and lowered ability... ...to fight them may occur. tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen... ...or if you've had a vaccine, or plan to. serious allergic reactions may occur. i just look and feel better. i got real relief with cosentyx. watch me! feel real relief. ask your rheumatologist about cosentyx. ♪ at progressive park! insurance themed fun ♪ children: yeah! announcer: ride the totally realistic traffic jam. ♪ beep, beep, beep, beep children: traffic jam! announcer: and the world's first never bump bumper cars. children: never bump! announcer: it's a real savings hootenanny with options that fit your budget. that's fun for the whole family. announcer: only at progressive par... maybe an insurance park was a bad idea. yeah. yep. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: our next guest served as minority leader of georgia's house of representatives and was the democratic nominee for governor of the state in 2018. she is the founder of fair fight, a national voting rights organization please welcome back to the show, stacey abrams, everyone. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: welcome back, stacey. >> thank you for having me again. >> seth: you were here last year, right after you gave the response to the state of the union, the democratic response >> yup >> seth: you received very high praise for it. were you happy not to have to do it again >> sweet lord, yes >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] i would imagine a lot of pressure, and it was nice to just have a -- >> well, gretchen whitmer, who is the governor of michigan, did an extraordinary job >> seth: yes >> and i'm so glad it was her. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] so i want to -- obviously, we're taping this tonight before the results start coming in for the new hampshire primary, i don't need to tell you that your name is often bandied about as a potential v.p. pick for pretty much every candidate who's still in the race. i know you won't say if you have a preference for that. but do you look forward to the possibility of debating mike pence >> i think it could be a very lovely experience. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. it would be an enjoyable evening. [ cheers and applause i have a lot of pent-up aggression >> seth: yes [ laughter ] >> and some stark disagreements i think could really lead to a vigorous debate. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it would be nice, because in a debate format, you have your time to talk >> exactly >> seth: you can't be interrupted. so that would be -- it would be lovely >> it would be wonderful >> seth: you -- i want to ask, a lot of people have been critical and have asked questions about, does it make sense in this day and age to have iowa and new hampshire, states that take -- i believe, their voting very seriously but are, you know, very white states. what would you propose as far as how the primary system worked? >> number one, they should all be primaries i appreciate the camaraderie that a caucus creates. but the chaos is not unusual as much as we were upset last week about iowa, in 2012, the same thing happened for the republicans. it's a systemic challenge, not just a, you know, did they use an app challenge >> seth: yes >> but more than that, we need primaries that actually reflect the communities that are going to be casting votes. and so my solution would be that we rotate who goes first, and maybe we have a few folks who go first. we pick a few southern states, some midwestern states we let the west, you know, play if they want >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> but we actually reflect the composition of the united states as we go through the process, because we give so much credence to this that it really needs to be reflective of the demography and the people of the country. >> seth: does it seem like also that -- i mean, you know, i would say the argument that people would make against, is it's so nice that all of the candidates get to go, sort of town-to-town and connect with all of the voters in one state but the downside is there's an idea of momentum right? iowa is a very small state new hampshire's an even smaller state, and yet based on these results, we're gonna talk a lot until there's another state about who has the momentum right now. if four or five states voted the first day, wouldn't that take that away? >> it would spread out the joy >> seth: yeah, that'd be nice. [ light laughter ] >> because yes, someone gets to know everyone everybody in ames. and they get to know everyone in dixville notch they might get to stay over. >> seth: yeah. >> but that means that as they go further through the process, they don't get to meet folks in south carolina, or georgia, or in tennessee they don't have to spend time in oregon and because later states get taken for granted, we lose the opportunity to really understand who's running. i want to see how someone goes from ames to atlanta in the same time period. i want to know if they say the same things. it changes the narrative of a campaign when you have to actually talk to different representative samples of america. >> seth: you think there's not as much value in trying to flip trump voters as there is in getting new turnout. do you still believe that that should be what all of the democrats in the field should be trying to do >> we should be trying to convince people who share our values to live those values. i think trump has helped us convince some of his former voters that they actually share our values, and we want those folks to vote with us. but we should not be compromising our values to convince them that they would want to come with us if you agree with trump after 3 1/2 years of the ignominy and demonization and sheer stupidity of his administration, then mazal tov. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> but our energy should be focused on those who believe, what we believe, that this is a government that should value and respect people that should create space for everyone to be successful. and that should be a moral leader, not only here, but around the world if those are the values you share, then we should talk to you and try to get you to vote >> seth: so, you -- absolutely [ cheers and applause and you have made -- obviously, you had a very close race for governor and after you lost, you decided not to run for office again, but to start these two organizations. >> yes >> seth: fair fight, which is about voter registration and making sure people have their right to vote. and fair count, which is about the census can you talk a little bit about why that was the path you chose at a time where i'm assuming there's a lot of people to telling you to get back on the horse and run again? >> so, in the ten days between election day and my non-concession day, i went through all the stages of grief really fast and then added a new stage that i like to call plotting >> seth: uh-huh. that's a good one. [ light laughter ] yeah >> it was fun. it was like being in a marvel movie all by myself. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and i got to go - [ laughter ] and then i started thinking, "what work would i have done had i become governor? and what work needs to be done until the next election? and one is fighting voter suppression. it's making sure people can register, and can stay on the roles. they get access to the ballots, that they're polling place doesn't shut down, that we fix the infrastructure of democracy in america but the other is that we have to make sure people participate in the 2020 census. donald trump's administration has underfunded the census to a degree that we have not seen in generations. plus, he has done his level best to scare people out of participating and that's by design the fewer of us who are actually seen, the less money we get, and the harder it is to prevent the kind of gerrymandering that created the nightmare of the last ten years and so i decided my mission would be to protect the right to vote through fairfight2020.org and to protect the census and get more people to participate through faircount.or [ cheers and applause >> seth: it seems a though -- it's very -- very positive plotting >> thank you >> seth: as far as plotting goes >> yeah. i'm the daughter of ministers. even my plotting becomes sort of servious oriented. >> seth: yeah. were you -- even as a kid, it's true that you were -- i don't know if it was called plotting, but you did have a spreadsheet as a very young girl about the things you wanted to accomplish. >> i did i've always been very goal-oriented. >> seth: yeah. not quite rupaul goal-oriented [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> there was no -- you know, there was no one who attended my birth with a prophecy. [ laughter ] but i tried to keep up >> seth: yeah. and you were very precocious, safe to say, as a child? >> i was >> seth: i have heard -- >> oh, god >> seth: -- that you did not care for the game duck, duck, goose. at a young age, you made a valued judgment on duck, duck, goose. >> it just seemed pointless. [ light laughter ] you were literally going in a circle, and no one explained what the goose did [ light laughter ] like, did you get take over the company? did you get to set -- did you guarantee everyone health care like what was the goose responsible for? [ light laughter ] so, no, i did not play >> seth: yeah, you know, and here i was just about to teach my kids how to play, but now i realize what a colossal waste of time it is [ laughter ] >> just add a step duck, duck, goose, promotion >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> or duck, duck, goose, healthcare infrastructure. >> seth: yeah, exactly >> voting rights, something. >> seth: there you go. that's a much more fun duck, duck goose hey, thank you for being here. please come again. >> i will. >> seth: it's always a pleasure to have you. [ cheers and applause >> you were wonderful. thank you. >> seth: stacey abrams, everybody. [ cheers and applause for information on fair fight, visit fairfight2020.org. we'll be right back with more "late night. ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ i walk alone ♪ i'll pretend to know the way ♪ ♪ we only come out at night ♪ ♪ we only come out at night ♪ burrito. raw kitfo fried shiso. pork chop. soda pop. soursop. hot pot. scallop. kebab. (inhale) brussels sprout. sauerkraut. fresh-caught trout. alfalfa sprout. we are america's kitchen. doordash. every flavor welcome. i put it on, popped the collar and looked at the brand- and when i saw the price tag i was like, oh yeah, this is- this is a keeper brands that wow. prices that thrill. marshalls. your surprise is waiting! prices that thrill. i have moderate to severe pnow, there's skyrizi. ♪ things are getting clearer, yeah i feel free ♪ ♪ to bare my skin ♪ yeah that's all me. ♪ nothing and me go hand in hand ♪ ♪ nothing on my skin ♪ that's my new plan. ♪ nothing is everything. keep your skin clearer with skyrizi. 3 out of 4 people achieved 90% clearer skin at 4 months. of those, nearly 9 out of 10 sustained it through 1 year. and skyrizi is 4 doses a year, after 2 starter doses. ♪ i see nothing in a different way ♪ ♪ and it's my moment so i just gotta say ♪ ♪ nothing is everything skyrizi may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. before treatment your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms such as fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or coughs, or if you plan to or recently received a vaccine. ♪ nothing is everything ask your dermatologist about skyrizi. ♪ how is tidy cats breeze changing the litter game? by providing outstanding odor control with simple cleanup. number one goes to the bottom, and number two stays on top for easy scooping. switch the breeze pads weekly, the pellets monthly, and you're good to go. discover the ease of breeze today. the pellets monthly, and you're good to go. two bacon, two sausage, this is the two eggssuper slam. hash browns and pancakes and now make those pancakes all you can eat for a buck. that's where the duper comes in. the all new super duper slam just seven ninety nine. see you at denny's. othroughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. sfx [can opens] ♪ whenever, wherever ♪ we're meant to be together [laughter] ♪ i'm at your feet ♪ whenever, wherever ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: welcome back. with the new hampshire primaries tonight, the 2020 democratic nominating process is now in full swing here to comment live at democratic headquarters in concord, new hampshire is dnc spokesman ben stern, everybody [ cheers and applause >> whoo, what a night. what a night >> seth: ben, thank you so much for being on the program with us >> seth, so happy to be here this is a big, big night for our party. the verdict is in, seth. democrats have decisively won the new hampshire primary, yeah. [ cheers ] yes, yes >> seth: what do you mean you won? >> seth, the democrats swept new hampshire. from top-to-bottom, a republican didn't even crack the top 12 this is nothing short of a complete republican shutout. >> seth: a shutout >> seth, and i think we're going to do the same thing in nevada next week. steamrolling to south carolina the week after that, and - >> seth: okay. >> and if i may be so bold, i think it's going to be a clean democratic sweep on super tuesday, yeah. [ cheers and applause >> seth: ben, ben. i'm sorry, i'm sorry it's just democrats were the only ones on the ballots tonight. i mean, it was a democratic primary. [ laughter ] >> hey, what are you doing >> seth: what? >> why are you talking that way? >> seth: talking like what >> come here come here. come here. come here. stop it. [ light laughter ] these people are finally happy again. [ light laughter ] for once, democrats didn't blow it >> seth: i'm sorry, but again, you guys are the only ones on the ballot it would've been pretty hard to blow it. >> the democrats were the only ones on the ballot in iowa and we somehow managed to blow it. [ laughter ] don't you think a celebration is in order >> seth: i mean, i guess but do you think a viable candidate will emerge from the primary process? >> i mean, shut the -- [ laughter ] come here. come here. come here. come here. [ light laughter ] you got to keep it down. look, seth, we have to take a week and get democrats don't win big things and when we do, it's just barely because the opponent is like a pedophile or something [ laughter ] >> seth: do you think any of the current candidates can beat donald trump >> what? i don't know probably not no, i don't know shut up. [ laughter ] doesn't look great why do you even got to ask that at a time like this? >> seth: you don't think during the lead-up to the presidential election that i should ask if any one of your candidates can beat donald trump? >> no. [ laughter ] not while we're having fun we're partying new hampshire, baby tax free liquor, the best maple syrup in the world >> seth: that's vermont. >> oh, so you're a bernie bro. >> seth: what? [ laughter ] >> hey, ben, why did you leave the party? >> hey, david. i'll be right there. why don't you just go back and you have yourself a good time? >> hey, ben? are you worried about the looming civil war happening within the democratic party? >> no. and neither should you you just go back up there, david, and enjoy the night >> okay. >> all right [ laughter ] >> that's david. he's fragile we're all fragile, seth. we're democrats. we're snowflakes >> seth: all right you know what? i'm sorry. maybe i should just let you guys enjoy the night. >> thank you then again, we are actually taping this at 6:50 p.m. so, there's plenty of time for us to [ bleep ] this thing up. [ light laughter ] >> seth: that's true we'll be right back with maria bamford, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ (howling wind) (howling wind) (professor) sthe product of sound pressure tand a component of the partial velocity at a point. [sounds] kazoo sound ♪ ♪ give her something that will leave her with no doubt. ♪♪ make this valentine's day mean more. ♪ jared. charmin ultra soft! it's softer than ever. charmin ultra soft is softer than ever, so it's harder to resist. okay, this is getting a little weird! enjoy the go with charmin. i need all the breaks as athat i can get.or, at liberty butchemel... cut. liberty mu... line? cut. liberty mutual customizes your car insurance so you only pay for what you need. cut. liberty m... am i allowed to riff? what if i come out of the water? liberty biberty... cut. we'll dub it. liberty mutual customizes your car insurance so you only pay for what you need. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ and you'll experience a whole new range of emotions like... of a travel site the relaxing feeling of knowing you're getting the best price. and the magic power of unlocking your room with your phone. i can read minds too. really? book at hilton.com and get the hilton price match guarantee. you've been hearing a lot about 5g. but there's 5g... and then there's verizon 5g. we're building the most powerful 5g experience for america. it's more than 10x faster than some other 5g networks. and it's rolling out in cities across the country so people can experience speeds that ultra wideband can deliver. 1.7 gigs here in houston. 1.8 gigs here in frigid omaha. almost 2 gigs here in los angeles. that's outrageous! it's like an eight-lane highway compared to a two-lane dirt road. ♪ grand now we have to deal withed us this.rs. climate change is an emergency. that's why i wrote the nation's most progressive climate law. and that's why i'm endorsing tom steyer. because when big oil tried to stop our clean air laws, he led us to victory. same with the keystone pipeline. when tom says we can save the world and do it together believe him. i'm tom steyer and i approve this message. [ fast-paced drumming ] ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian you know from shows such as "arrested development" and "lady dynamite." she host the series "what's your ailment," which is streaming on topic. and her new comedy special "weakness is the brand" is available now. please welcome back to the show, maria bamford, everyone. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> seth: how are you >> very good very good. exciting >> seth: it's so nice to have you back >> thank you for having me >> seth: your new special is called "weakness is the brand. >> yes >> seth: and one thing you did recently is that i want to ask you about is you tried to file a restraining order against the president? >> yes president of the united states [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. many times in comedian acts they'll suggest legitimate domestic and foreign policy that is not taken seriously >> seth: yeah. >> and i thought to myself, "we have an unregistered sex offender in the white house." [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> and i don't feel safe so, yeah i went to my local courthouse. saw a judge within an half hour. >> seth: yeah. >> he denied me ultimately, a useless gesture that didn't further the conversation in any way, and wasted the time of caring professionals >> seth: wow [ laughter ] but you weren't asking for a lot. you were just asking for like 1,000 -- >> yeah, 1,000 feet. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah, that's all i want >> seth: yeah, that's not crazy. >> i don't want him to go near 91001. [ laughter ] >> seth: you -- do you consider yourself someone who is politically articulate >> i have lived with a 20-year-old pug named betty. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and -- so, she is blind and deaf and if we left her for any amount of time, she would -- we'd find her at home wedged between the stove and a kitchen cabinet covered in her own fecal matter crying -- [ dog crying ] that's it. that's where i'm at, politically. [ laughter ] desperate for leadership >> seth: yeah, that's right. >> and i know i wouldn't turn down a biscuit >> seth: you wouldn't turn down a biscuit. >> no, no, no. >> seth: no, of course not you do something that's fascinating to me, and it actually works for you you will find people on twitter. >> yes >> and ask them to meet you so that you can try your comedy on them >> yes >> seth: okay. >> yes >> seth: and you'll just basically -- and then you'll do this like across the country when you're on the road. >> yes, yes. >> seth: and how does it go? >> it's goes great, 'cause turns out, a lot of people are either self-employed or underemployed [ laughter ] and they've time to meet me at a dunkin' donuts and i buy them a cold brew, whatever the sky's the limit on that menu >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and -- and we meet and yeah, i tell them jokes. it's -- los angeles, the audiences are very small >> seth: yeah. >> so, it's not unlike a show in l.a. at 11:00 p.m. at the comedy store. >> seth: there you go. >> sometimes to just get one person who's paying attention, oh, my god unreal >> seth: do you read it off paper, or is it performy >> no, very performy >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> performed quietly, you know, to not -- i don't want to create a spectacle. >> seth: right, sure >> or do i [ laughter ] is everybody looking [ laughter ] is everybody looking so sorry >> seth: do you get -- and you feel like you get good feedback from people? >> yes >> seth: and they genuinely laugh? >> yeah, but it's definitely a product of the internet. people are fans. >> seth: yeah. >> so they're already enjoying and many of my fans have experiences with social anxiety. so everyone's everyone shy and pleasant >> seth: yup do they bring people do they ever bring a buddy >> yes >> seth: yeah. >> few times somebody has brought someone else, as a witness. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> just in case i -- i went off. >> seth: yeah, sure. might as well. you did a fascinating special where you did your special with an audience of two people, which was your parents >> my parents. >> seth: yeah. how did that come about? >> well, sloth laziness >> seth: yeah. >> i didn't -- i wasn't feeling very well at the time. and so i thought, "what's the easiest thing i can do in my own home pay my parents 600 bucks apiece." i didn't want to 1099 them am i right >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] nobody wants that. >> got more paperwork. and yes. so, they're very supportive. >> seth: that's wonderful. >> so, yeah. >> seth: do -- i want to talk about your other show. you have your special and your show, "what's your ailment?" >> yes >> seth: talk about how that started. >> just interviewing people, mostly celebrities, comedians about mental health issues, so that people that were interested in talking about it, 'cause it's not -- it's less of stigma i think than it was, but it's still -- there's no good health care in this country, as far as i've been able to tell [ light laughter ] if anybody knows somebody, just let me know. i've recently -- i hope this isn't a sponsor for you show betterhealth.com i signed up with them paying a therapist $200 a month she just texted me, "christine, of course you're stressed, you just had a baby. [ laughter ] >> seth: your name's not christine. >> no, it certainly isn't. [ light laughter ] but think about her. think about -- it was helpful. it was actually fairly helpful [ light laughter ] >> seth: do you -- have you ever gone sort of out of the norm for health advice over the years >> oh, sure. i used to live in l.a. >> seth: yeah. >> so there's always suggestion of, "oh, somebody can blast you with energy on wednesdays over the phone" >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah, no, i've paid $300 for things that did nothing. >> seth: for energy blasting >> yeah, for energy blasting my dad, i told him about that. he's like, "i'll blast you i'll blast you for free. [ laughter ] thanks, dad. >> seth: you also, you know, i think a lot of times we talk about the -- the quest for excellence, i think. >> yes >> seth: especially, you know, i think people would claim there's this, you know, sort of american superiority. and that's what make this country -- people aim for the skies. you have a -- you sort of think that mediocrity is overlooked. >> yeah. why does everything have to be so good? >> seth: yeah. >> you know, beyonce, einstein, the muppets, japan i adore a two-star experience. [ laughter ] there's a deli down the street from our house i believe it is called the super crap [ bleep ] liquor store. [ laughter ] diet coke is hot milk sour. you open up a snickers, it blooms [ laughter ] they are always unfriendly they're only sometimes open. it is that kind of integrity over time that deserves celebration. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's so nice of you >> yes >> seth: to give a shoutout to the mediocre >> oh, it's so good. >> seth: yeah, you know, maybe mediocre people are watching tonight, not that i think you are, but thank your for your service. >> yeah, no, no. >> seth: thank you for everything you do. >> no, i appreciate that everybody sometimes half-asses it at work somedays. i had surgery recently where the doctor forgot to sew something up >> seth: oh, wow >> oh, whoops. [ laughter ] and you know, i get it you know, don't have me on like an argumentative panel show. where -- 'cause sometimes, if i was on a show in australia, where it was a full hour, i did not say anything >> seth: really? >> for the full hour 'cause i'm shy. i didn't want to interrupt anybody. >> seth: yeah, it was very hard to be on one of those panel shows. [ laughter ] well, it's very nice that we've this time together >> no, no, 'cause it's just you. so, it's okay. >> seth: yeah, i've enjoyed having you, as well. [ laughter ] thank you so much for coming back, maria. always a pleasure seeing you >> thank you so much for me. thank you. [ cheers and applause >> seth: maria bamford, everybody. her new special "weakness is the brand" is available now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ♪ obama: he's been a leader throughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. steady the elbow.shoot me one? ♪ ♪ ahh boom shaka laka. feisty. ♪ ahh ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: my thanks to rupaul, stacey abrams, maria bamford, everyone elijah wood and, of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "lilly singh. we'll see you tomorrow, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ "a little late with lilly singh" - >> lilly: no sober person screams, "mother [ bleep ] you skip me one more time, i will drop your body from the top of gumdrop mountain. >> daniel: and - >> lilly: "over uber." what kind of music does the driver turn the radio to when you enter the car? what assumptions does he make? >> uh, bollywood [ laughter ] >> daniel: plus -- >> lilly: from the new comedy "carol's second act," sabrina jalees and "superstore's" nico santos [ cheers and applause you were recently at -- caal -- j.lo's house party >> i mean -- [ scattered cheers ] >> lilly: tell me everything >> jared leto was there. he was looking fine. homeless, but fine [ laughter ] >> the first decision you make when you have a son is whether to trim his penis. [ audience ohs ] a real aggressive lesbian move, to be like, "yeah. cut the tip off! [ laughter ] lop the balls off, too [ light laughter ] sew 'em to his chest."
Related Keywords
New York , United States , Georgia , Australia , New Hampshire , Washington , Atlanta , Vermont , Virginia , Michigan , Brussels , Bruxelles Capitale , Belgium , Wyoming , Iowa , Houston , Texas , Hampshire , Marshall Islands , Berlin , Germany , America , Marshalls , American , Maria Bamford , Lionel Richie , Liberty , Jimmy Deana , Joe Biden , Los Angeles , Elijah Wood , Betty Seth , Michael Bloomberg , Gretchen Whitmer , Tom Steyer , Stacey Abrams , Robin Byrd , David Bowie , Seth Meyers , Lindsey Graham , Max Martin , Dolly Parton , Shania Twain , Rockefeller Plaza , Bader Ginsburg ,
comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.