Jimmy oh, my goodness. Thank you very much. [ cheers and applause i feel the love. I feel the love out there. Thank you very much. Please, welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Please, have a seat. Guys, we got a long show tonight. Yeah you dont want to stand for the whole thing. Yeah, no [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight i am so excited and fired up to be here. Im pretty much the opposite of Robert Mueller i really am. [ laughter ] everyone is still talking about muellers testimony. Democrats were hoping it would, quote, breathe life into the effort to impeach trump. But afterwards they were like, forget impeachment, someone should try to breathe life into Robert Mueller. [ laughter ] thats right both democrats and republicans thought mueller came off as slow and old im not saying mueller was bad but he made Bernie Sanders look like one of the kids from stranger things. [ laughter and applause right, muellers not quite as sharp as he used to be this morning he got up and said, okay, what time does the hearing start . [ laughter ] apparently, President Trump is thrilled with how it went. Yep, he was so happy, he came this close to hugging don jr steve really [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah he thought about it. Trump was so happy, he formed his hair into a party hat. Steve oh jimmy yeah, yeah [ laughter ] he was so happy that he rehired Jeff Sessions and then fired him again. [ laughter ] he was so happy, he thought about taking a victory lap, just made an intern do it for him. [ laughter ] he was so happy, he offered to fly the squad back to where they came from on air force one. [ laughter ] thats how happy trump was i heard that yesterday the president watched all seven hours on tv. But today he went back to his usual schedule of watching seven hours of tv. [ laughter ] well, after the hearing, trump said muellers performance was, quote, one of the worst performances in the history of the country. And then Stormy Daniels was like, second worst. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and get this, i heard that during muellers testimony, melania tweeted that shes already prepping for christmas at the white house not a good sign for trump. Hes hearing that he could be indicted and his wifes like, its going to be the best christmas ever. [ laughter ] just wait a day. After that, muellers testimony yesterday, a poll found that most americans thought it hurt pesident trump pretty interesting poll, take a look at this 60 said, i think muellers testimony hurts trump. 30 said, i think muellers testimony clears trump. 10 said, im not sure what to think about muellers testimony. 20 said, what do you mean youre not sure, did you even watch it . [ laughter ] 30 said, i mean, i watched some it. It was seven hours long. [ laughter ] who has time for that . 45 said, you do, carl. [ laughter ] all you do is sit on the couch and watch reruns of tiny house hunters. [ laughter ] you have plenty of time. 10 said, its research you know the tiny Real Estate Industry is booming. We cannot do this right now. Please, jodie, im exhausted. [ laughter ] 36 said, youre exhausted . [ laughter ] im the one working Double Overtime because you couldnt hold down a job at freakin outback steakhouse. [ laughter ] 15 said, oh, real classy [ laughter ] look, i already told you, my uncle rico that he can get me an interview at fuddruckers first thing next week. [ laughter ] 42 said, the same uncle rico who shows up to thanksgiving dinner every year completely plastered . Great, im glad thats the one who were depending on. [ laughter ] 35 said, ricos a good man and you would know that if you werent so busy nitpicking everything i do. [ laughter ] then 100 said, if you love rico so much, how about you and him move into a tiny house together . [ cheers and applause that was our latest installment of our segment interesting polls. [ cheers and applause jimmy some more news today, the president spoke at a a ceremony for his new secretary of defense but it seemed like he was having some trouble talking today. Watch this our military kecked kicked in both houses of congress, advising lawmarkers and the combat infantriven badge we talked to all of them and they talked to us. [ laughter ] steve wow jimmy my favorite show is this this is us. [ laughter ] some business news, get this, i read that soon youll be able to drop off and pick up ups packages at advanced auto parts. Its Pretty Simple ups driver just throws your package over your fence into an advanced auto parts. [ laughter ] steve wait, im sorry. Jimmy what was that . Steve so youre saying youll be able to pick up ups packages at advanced auto parts . Jimmy yeah steve and that makes it simpler . Jimmy sure, yeah, yeah you order your package through ups, instead of getting it at your house, you get it over at advanced auto parts. [ laughter ] steve what if there isnt an advanced auto parts near my house . Jimmy there probably wont be but you can move closer to one [ laughter ] steve so let me get this straight if i like where i live jimmy uhhuh steve and i like my house, right . Jimmy yeah, ive been to your house its beautiful steve i love my house. But i want to pick up my ups package. Jimmy right, i dont see what the problem is. Steve ill have the option of moving closer to an advanced auto parts to pick up my ups package jimmy yes, thats way its easier steve so i have to uproot my family. [ laughter ] jimmy your kids will make new friends. Steve right. [ laughter ] so that i can get my package at advanced auto parts. Let me let me just make sure im getting this right jimmy i dont i dont see what the problem is. Steve okay what do i do jimmy its very easy you just go to a post office steve right. Jimmy you get a box. Steve any size box jimmy sure, any size box doesnt matter you ship it through ups. Steve yes. Jimmy and then it ends up at an advanced auto parts. [ laughter ] steve the car parts store . Jimmy thats correct steve oh jimmy you got it steve yeah, i got it now, i have one more question for you. Jimmy whats that . Steve what if i need to buy auto parts jimmy you have to go to ups. [ cheers and applause its easier. Steve that doesnt seem much easier at all jimmy much easier. Steve that seems much harder jimmy this is going viral, everybody. Someone tried to order a cake for a twoyearold that said happy birthday, lizard. But the bakery misheard them and sent them a cake that said, happy birthday, loser. This is real look at this [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] meanwhile, at the white house, trump was like, why does the cake i ordered for don jr. Say, lizard . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and finally, this is amazing in north dakota, a College Student discovered a a 65 millionyearold dinosaur skull. Even more impressive, it took his roommate only an hour to turn it into a bong. [ laughter ] you guys, weve got a great show tonight come on with me. Give it or theoots [ cheers and applause jimmy guys, this is very exciting voting is done and the polls are closed were about to announce the winning book in this years tonight show summer reads contest. Now, we gave you guys five to choose from, five great books. Ill line them up right here and then we have we asked you guys to vote on it online, on our website and everyone did. Thank you for participating. We got close to a million votes. Steve wow. Jimmy in the past week [ cheers and applause here are the five books in the d this is it right here. So it was silent patient. Thats the woman who shoots her husband, then she wont talk steve right. Jimmy yup. Ask again, yes. Two couples live next door to each other in new york city and then something shocking happens. One family has to move away. Steve away jimmy but the kids, they stand they get back together and then later steve they ask again, yes. Jimmy find out what went down [ laughter ] this one, gone dead, she inherits a house after her father died years ago. She finds out when her father died, that day she went missing. Steve ooh. [ audience oohs jimmy this one, fleischman is in trouble this guy exwife drops the kids off and then she leaves. Never returns. [ laughter ] but its set in a humorous way steve right. Oh, its good. [ light laughter ] jimmy i think, i think shes funny. So its probably funny and then this is the chain. This is a thriller a stranger says he kidnaps your child. And to free them, you mus ild. Steve ooh. [ audience oohs [ drumroll ]wow,hats the firste drumroll, please thatmy people are making a drumroll with their legs steve its like rain in africa jimmy this is the audience making the sound with their legs do do do do do do do do do [ cheers and applause steve oh ooh. [ audience oohs [ laughter ] oh [ audience ohs ] oh [ audience ohs ] jimmy the winner that got the most votes and will be our tonight show summer read is ask again, yes. [ cheers and applause by Mary Beth Keane that is the winner thank you very much for voting steve wow jimmy it was really close between that and the chain. The chain, i think it was 3,000 votes. Steve wow. Jimmy but it won and congratulations, though. Heres what were going to do. Were going to read this book together i want all of us to read it together and then follow us on instagram and facebook over the next few weeks, ill be checking in i have not read this book. I really dont know if its good or not. Steve well, then read it jimmy i know these are all good books but, im going to read it with you. And then well talk about it like what book clubs do. Steve yeah jimmy yeah and then i want to make sure that youre reading it, too. So use the hashtag tonightshowsummerreads. And well talk about this book together you can go to tonightshow. Com summerreads to find out where to get this book and yeah, its a big deal. This is i annot believe this. [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. You guys, its the Timothee Chalamet puppet [ laughter ] i cannot believe this the ask again, is the winner i thought it was going to be [ laughter ] it was not it was very close. It was not the you sure . Yeah, im sure you sure . I am sure. Ask again ask again, yes. Ask again Timothee Chalamet, ask again, yes is the book well, that is the book i will read, as well. Steve so the dummys going to read the book jimmy do not call him a a dummy. Hes the host of the tonight show. [ laughter ] that is rude for you to do that [ laughter ] he knows what hes doing hes a professional. Dont let him talk to you like that. Steve im sorry. [ light laughter ] jimmy a little i think he was never mind hes actually hes a very talented a very talented guy, the Timothee Chalemet puppet steve hes a Timothee Chalemet puppet jimmy you want to see what he can do . Yeah okay blindfolded. Jimmy can you see anything no, i cannot. Steve okay [ laughter ] jimmy how many fingers am i holdin i told you i cannot see what do you think . [ laughter ] you an idiot you are the dummy [ light laughter ] all right, higgins, hold something up do you have something to hold up steve yeah jimmy anything steve okay jimmy anything okay steve there we go, right there, give it a shot. Jimmy all right. Can we have some silence, please steve ill hold it right by my face. [ laughter ] wow. His brain is working jimmy is it a cylinder . Steve wow, yes yes, it is a cylinder. [ light laughter ] amazing. [ laughter ] jimmy is it shiny . [ laughter ] jimmy im almost too exhausted. [ laughter ] no, you have to continue you must continue, Timothee Chalamet puppet youre very close. Ill only do this for you [ light laughter ] is it a beverage . Steve yes, yes, it is a beverage jimmy i think it is a can of la croix. Steve wow [ cheers and applause jimmy wait, before steve wait jimmy you want to guess steve what flavor . Jimmy what steve what flavor . Jimmy dont make him do that steve yes. Can you guess the flavor jimmy dont make him do that pamplemmousse. Steve oh, my god [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my god Timothee Chalemet puppet oh, my gosh. Steve hes tired he fell asleep jimmy hes exhausted steve he fell asleep on the chair. Jimmy hes exhausted [ laughter ] hes cant do hes a steve oh, my gosh. Jimmy hes not a mentalist steve you know, the brain uses jimmy hes very talented steve yeah jimmy anyway, im very excited about this i cant wait to do this. We did this last year. And we love our author last year it was children of blood and bone which is still on the bestseller list. And tomi adeyemi and so were going to have Mary Beth Keane on the show. And were all going to read this together. Its awesome im so excited go to your bookstore and pick p. Actually, you guys here dont have to. Because everyone in tonights audience is going home with their own very own copy, yes [ cheers and applause stick around well be right back with more tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause at tmobile, for 40 line for four lines, its all included for the whole family, starting with unlimited data. Use as much as you want, when you want. And if you like netflix, its included on us. Plus no surprises on your bill. Taxes and fees are included. And now for a limited time, with each new line, get one of our latest smartphones included. Thats right, only 40 line for four lines and smartphones are included for the whole family. Pringles wavy. With a big crunch and totally different flavors, theyre not really pringles. not really daddy. Yes it is. Ok. Pringles wavy. Theyre not, not pringles. Friends family sale. Take an extra 20 off . Plus take an extra 10 off home save on memory foam pillows. And novelty electrics 14. 39. And save on an instant pot plus everyone gets kohls cash plus free amazon returns now at all kohls stores thursday through sunday. At kohls. [loud horn noise] first theyre sour. Guys shhh then theyre sweet. Nice now ill only get one lecture. Do you have any idea what time it is . New heads tails 2 flavors in one candy. New heads tails the next american chinese original is here. New sichuan hot chicken. For a heart breaking limited time only at panda express. [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back everybody. We are joined right now by our resident science expert, give it up for kevin delaney. [ cheers and applause jimmy good to see you buddy. Kevin kevin, welcome back to the show its always good to see you buddy. Good to see you too jimmy what are we doing first here do you like fireworks jimmy yes. We all do. Do you like [ cheers and applause do you like smores . Yogot those on jimmy yes. Its great oyou look very cool jimmy thank you. You look like the terminator jimmy ill be no, i wont. I wont say that yeah. [ light laughter ] so im going to ask you to hold the smores jimmy okay and ive got the marshmallow here so what were gonna do i have a sparkler back here. Okay, so im gonna light the sparkler, and im gonna use it to roast this marshmallow. So this is a titanium sparkler so it reaches about 600 degrees celsius. Or if youre in to fahrenheit, its over a thousand degrees jimmy yeah, im in to fahrenheit [ light laughter ] really, really hot. So it should be able to yeah, yeah me too me too man jimmy yeah so it should be able to toast this really well done. So are you ready jimmy okay yeah. Yeah, lets alright [ clicking ] ready . Here we go jimmy this is fantastic. This is perfect to do in the summer its about eight feet tall, give or take [ audience ohs ] jimmy yes, yes that is the way to do it right there. Look at that, perfectly done [ cheers and applause okay. So, now, do you want to get a smore pocae orn jimmy yeah ill get a smore ready to go there we wanted to have enough so jimmy perfect, thank you very much. Here, you want to jimmy just put one on top of there yeah, yeah. Jimmy yeah, thats perfect thank yoitvierfectly dont eat it, its full of titanium [ laughter ] jimmy oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you very much. Ill have one of these can i eat that we have some more sparklers you all right . Jimmy yeah did you eat a plain raw marshmallow . Jimmy i did, but yeah, thats i think thats safe jimmy okay, i didnt come to rehearsal [ laughter ] alright, thats okay, thats okay have you seen theres a a movie called titanic thats about this boat. [ talking over each other jimmy no spoilers. Yeah [ laughter ] okay, yeah. The im flying scene, where jack and rose are on the bow of the boat and theres beautiful music playing. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah and he asks her, do you trust me, and what does she say . She says, i trust you, jack. Right . [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah, this is unbelievable do you trust me, jimmy. Jimmy i trust you kevin. Were going to recreate the scene. Jimmy alright. So i need your arms out at 90 degree angle. Jimmy okay imagine youre looking out at the beautiful ocean a researchers been deceived by a woman, an old woman. [ laughter ] okay jimmy thats right its titanic. Jimmy yeah, of course. Okay ready, light the titanium [ cheers ] wow jimmy yes near far wherever that was unbelievable. How are you doing jimmy im great. Im not on fire, am i . How is your heart, did it go on jimmy my heart was gonna go on [ laughter ] okay, good, good, good. So, we were able to do that, so why didnt it burn you jimmy i dont know why there was not enough heat energy in a little tiny spark to burn your skin. Jimmy because it did the marshmallow. Right jimmy so had my hands in closer to it ight, because heat is a product of an object mass, and its temperature so a larger object like the marshmallow, with all that heat concentrated on it, cooked the marshmallow. But just a small amount of heat on your skin didnt hurt you at all. Jimmy fantass a newoods der champion jimmy nice when i was a kid. Thank you very much. [ applause ] so we have some pinewood derby style racing cars here but because come on over here were people of science. So we have some little co2 cartridges in the back to power them so what were gonna do is im gonna put your hand there. Jimmy yep. And you want to pull out the pin, but dont let it go until i say so jimmy okay, sure so on the count of three let go alright, ready jimmy yes. Three, two, one [ audience ohs ] jimmy oh fantastic awesome [ cheers and applause jimmy can we see it in slow motion you got me you took me. Yeah, youre the champ right there bud. Thats okay thats okay. [ applause ] okay, so i know you like racing on the show a lot jimmy yeah i do. Wouldnt it be cool if we had human sized versions of these sort of cars wouldnt it be cool . [ cheers and applause i agree. Tariq, do you want to race against him . Tariq i thought youd never ask. [ cheers and applause jimmy really youre going to want to put on these gloves cause its gonna get cold jimmy wow, really . Really oh, now its getting serious. All right jimmy what do we do . Follow me, were going to go out into the hallway jimmy all right. All right jimmy you mentioned something about the 50th anniversary of the moon landing . Right, right. And so pretty much, this is the same way that like we move objects around in space. So its a large, you know, throwing mass behind a craft right . Moving it in the opposite direction. So pretty much what were going to do is the same thing. So down here we have two carts that have been modified, kind of upscale from the pinewood derby type cars. Okay jimmy oh my gosh, yes so pick your cars, there you go and youve got helmets to put on tariq i like to make a a choice now, these red tanks are fire extinguishers, right, and theyre co2 fire extinguishers that have been modified to really allow all the pressure to release and we should be able to get a a nice propulsion forward. So once youre ready, well begin the race now you want to go down the hall, around, and back into the studio and the first one to the finish line is the winner you ready tariq im not answering that lets go [ light laughter ] alright, three, two, one. Ready, set, go [ explosion [ applause ] [ bell ringing ] tariq you sprayed me with smoke. Jimmy smoked you, man. Smoked you smoked him [ cheers and applause kevin delaney, everybody [ cheers and applause well be right back with Zachary Quinto come on back everybody wow, that was [ cheers and applause ] {tires screeching} {truck honking} avo life doesnt give you many second chances. But a subaru can. dad you guys ok . You alright . Wow. avo eyesight with precollision braking. Standard on the subaru ascent. The threerow subaru ascent. Love. Its what makes a subaru a subaru. We all use our phones differently. I can manage the time they spend on their phone, who theyre texting with, all of that. Its a win for all of us. vo the network more people rely on, gives you more. Like plans families can mix and match, including the new just kids plan. Thats verizon. a blend of quality probiotics new align whole food probiotic, and fermented whole food botanicals. Expertly curated to naturally support your gut health everyday. Go with align whole food blend. From the pros in digestive health. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. The brewpub chicken new hwith grilled chickens. Crispy smokehouse bacon, and fresh avocado. The new buffalo chicken with franks redhot wings sauce. [ cheers and applause jimmy our first guest stars on the amc series nos4a2 which will air its Season Finale this sunday at 10 00 p. M. Ladys and gentlemen, please welcome Zachary Quinto [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back to the show its good to be here. Jimmy we love having you here how was your summer . You enjoying it . Great yeah jimmy did you go on any vacations at all jimmy no i had never been there either jimmy is it beautiful . Its so beautiful and peaceful and the people are so welcoming. And, yeah, it was great. It was really lovely jimmy this is not where the incident occurred, if you know what im talking about its not where the incident occurred jimmy the paddle boarding incident the paddle board fiasco i mean, i love to kind of experience the places that im in and so, it was my last day i was like, im going to go out for a paddle board jimmy yeah before i leave for the airport. So i go. And i was like very tranquil, paddling my way down, and im like, this is great. And i go, you know, fairly far down the beach, and then i get to the end and this, like, Hurricane Force wind, basically, whips up. And then i have to turn around and now what was like this tranquil thing [ light laughter ] im, like, like, like, laboring against the wind and then i had to get on my knees and be like paddling and it was like it was horrifying and, of course the paparazzi was there. [ light laughter ] jimmy whats fun is that i know. I know jimmy we found the photos. [ laughter ] i mean, what did i ce jimmy come on, dude. This is fantastic. [ laughter ] [ applause ] dude, its so good its so funny. Thats right. Thats right ekim i was like, please. Jimmy you still look good, buddy. Come on jimmy thats just hilarious though oh my gosh can we talk about nos4a2 . Lets do it jimmy by the way, the finale is this sunday sunday. Already. Its so crazy. Jimmy on amc yup jimmy and youre fantastic in it. Aw, thanks. Jimmy you have so much prosthetics in this show theres a lot of different looks jimmy its amazing for the character who ages up and down through the course of the narrative, the story. Jimmy i mean, hundreds of years. Look at this yeah. Jimmy i mean this is scary look at this ooh. . Jimmy do you like doing prosthetics, or do you i do. I mean, its an interesting ive never done them to this extent and its certainly a a fascinating part of the process that really allows me to immerse myself in a a character. Jimmy sure and we have a fantastic team of people joel harlow, richie elanna, and Cheryl Daniels theyre incredible, and thell itca so congratulations yeah, we did yeah thanks, man. [ cheers and applause its a good segue, yeah. Jimmy i want to show everyone a clip. Heres Zachary Quinto in nos4a2. Take a look. Lovend the care that they require you are, however, capable of providing them with a proper meal come out, right now, or you will be the one to burn. [ cheers and applause jimmy ooh ive never seen that side of you. So creepy jimmy thats a creepy side of you i never really see yeah, thats a creepy side. We should balance that creepy side out i feel. Jimmy if you dont mind, ill bring up something that could balance it omy heard tha time you were here, we talked. You said that you were kind of picking up the banjo oh yeah, yeah jimmy and trying to learn that ive been playing the banjo yeah. Jimmy we have your we do have my banjo jimmy banjo here tonight i was just wondering if you would [ cheers and applause thank you, thank you, thank you. Jimmy this is fascinatin im really excited about this. Are you jimmy yeah, because i love banjo. I love banjo too. Jimmy and i tried to play, and i couldnt do it thank you i was debating on what to play i decided to go with one of my easier songs just because ive never i feel very show and tell about this like, very third grade [ light laughter ] like bringing my cookie monster doll into the class. [ laughter ] this is something i mostly only do on my own, but this is one of my favorite folk songs. And i fell in love with it the first time i heard it when it was covered by joan baez its been covered by bod dylan, jerry garcia, so many people but it was written by this woman named Elizabeth Cotten, whos amazing. She was born in 1893 in , rth carolina, d 9 shpicked up her brotrom the beginning. She started writing songs and playing songs, and she did that for years. When she was 13 she bought her first guitar, but she was left handed she bought a right handed guitar, and learned how to play it up side down. I mean, just this incredible woman, and then she got married and had a kid, and she stopped playing music. And she made a living doing other jobs and one of the jobs she had was in a Department Store. And one day this young girl was lost in the Department Store, separated from her mother, and elizabeth cotton helped her find her mom and they struck a conversation and formed a friendship. And eventually Elizabeth Cotten went to work for this family as a housekeeper. And it turns out that the little girl who was lost in the Department Store was the sister of pete seeger and so she hadnt played music for 25 years, and the seeger family reawakened her joy for music, and she started playing and recording. She won a grammyhen she was 90 and jimmy 90 yeah. She started her career again when she was 65 years old, but she wrote this song when she was 11 jimmy wow. And then i added to it. Ill play three quick versus and the last one are lyrics that i wrote but im so like, all right, im going to do this this is [ cheers and applause wait till its over wait till its over. [ laughter ] its called Freight Train. Freight train, yeah. Freight train Freight Train going so fas Freight Train freight trai going so fast please dont sa what train im o and they wont kno what route ive gone please dont tell the what train im o so they dont know what route ive gone when im dead and in my grav no more good times shall i crave place a stone at my head and fee tell the world that ive gone sleep place a stone at my head and fee tell the world that ive gone to sleep country country i will wander until i know where i come from is where ill go i will wander until i know where i come fro is where ill go jimmy oh, my gosh, hey [ cheers and applause Zachary Quinto, everybody. That was beautiful the Season Finale of nos4a2 airs this sunday at 10 p. M. On amc. Betty gilpin joins us after the break, stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause see . Romance isnt dead but it is here. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com hotels. Com. Be there. Et ra. Oooooooooo. Ill show you something neeeeeewwww. Im gonna make you moooooove. Ill show you something, ill show you something. Neeeeeewwww. Ill show you something, ill[happy irthday music] dont get mad, put those years to work with e trade. Hey, you wanna shoot me one . Steady the elbow. Oooh. Amateur. Someone show him how its done. Ahh boom shaka laka. Feisty. Ahh dangerously cheesy. [ scoffs ] if you say so. Im sorry . What teach here isnt telling you is that snapshot rewards safe drivers with discounts on car insurance. What . Or maybe he didnt know. [ chuckles ] im done with this class. Youre not even enrolled in this class. I know. Im supposed to be in ceramics. Do you know room 303. Oh. Thank you. Yeah. Good luck, everybody. Oh. Thank you. Yeah. I am totally blind. And non24 can make me show up too early. Or too late. Or make me feel like im not really there. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442342424. We all use our phones differently. I can manage the time they spend on their phone, who theyre texting with, all of that. Its a win for all of us. vo the network more people rely on, gives you more. Like plans families can mix and match, including the new just kids plan. Thats verizon. Has been excellent. They really appreciate the military family and it really shows. With all that usaa offers why go with anybody else . We know their rates are good, we know that theyre always going to take care of us. It was an instant savings and i should have changed a long time ago. It was funny because when we would call another insurance company, hey would say oh we cant beat usaa were the webber family. Were the tenneys were the hayles, and were usaa members for life. Get your usaa Auto Insurance quote today. This is and because alling of the devices onching. Freds wifi network are protected with xfinity xfi, literally, nobodys watching. Except for millions of you, of course. Wait, millions of people are watching . Yeah. Were making a commercial. If its connected, its protected with xfinity xfi. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Xfinity delivers the best inhome wifi experience. Plus, add xfi advantage for enhanced network security. Click, call or visit a store today to learn more. [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest just got nominated for her second emmy for her work on the hit netflix show, glow. Season three premieres august 9th. Please welcome betty gilpin. [ cheers and applause jimmy come on, welcome to the show hi. Jimmy thank you so much for being here its so nice to be here jimmy happy belated birthday i want to say oh thank you, thank you so much jimmy did you have a nice one . I was on the plane back from comiccon which was so amazing, i had never been before. Jimmy ooh thats a big deal yeah, it was crazy. Jimmy e yothatsin or theres like special rooms i was in hall h jimmy yes. Which seats just a casual 7,000 people jimmy yeah theres like this part of me thats like my 7yearold self like oh my god, i cant believe any of this is happening. And then part of me thats like, its all going to go away. Jimmy oh really . I call her angela i have to tell angela to kina of take a chill pill jimmy enjoy it now kid yes jimmy yeah and then right before i went out, this woman with a headset was like oh dont be nervous. They dont care about you, theyre here for marvel, its right after your panel. I was like, what [ laughter ] and then i realized like its 7,000 marvel super fans who have travelled from all over the world to come see the marvel panel and before that i have to be like my names betty im on glow. If you havent seen glow, you should check it out. [ laughter ] jimmy how sad, how sad yeah it was and then the moderator of the panel i was on i saw this happen in slow moon a bo 7,000 people she was like trying to throw me shes like, betty gilpin plays Liberty Belle on glow. Anyone out there dressed as Liberty Belle . Cosplaying as Liberty Belle . And 7,000 people, this is the sound i heard. [ cough [ laughter ] jimmy somebody coughing . [ laughter ] one cough [ cough [ ht jimmy oh wow and my inner angela was like, you see. Jimmy this is the end of the road kid, yeah yeah. Jimmy lets talk about glow and this is your second emmy nomination yeah. Jimmy congratulations. Thats really fun. Thank you so much im really excited [ cheers and applause yeah jimmy you deserve it thanks. Jimmy i just read somewhere you do some interesting impressions . Yes okay, so this impression that i do, i have the musical taste of like a 75yearold hermit woman whos like wearing a dress made out of spider webs so the impression that i can do i dont know if its gonna translate, is a duet between Ella Fitzgerald and jimmy oh my goodness that kind of thing jimmy absolutely but i thought to kind of modernize it, i would do it to one of a pivotal song for me as a a middle schooler. Okay, okay, here we go this is happening, this is crazy. This is like what i would do when i was 6yearsold alone, and then stoned at 17, and now sober here okay oops i did it again i played with your heart got lost in the game o baby baby oops you think im in love and im sent from above im not that innocent jimmy oh, my god [ cheers and applause that is a first. That is a first that has never happened on our show before. That is a first. Ella and louie doing Britney Spears oh my gosh thank you jimmy betty gilpin, you are awesome. Heres a clip. Heres betty gilpin and alison brie in season 3 of glow. Take a look at this. We may never open a show in las vegas ever again just take a moment and appreciate what is right in front of you so you dont miss it hey, so me speaking as your producer, everyone is up dont bring them down into your sinkhole of despair. Hey it was fun last night. No todd, what did we say . Im working. Lets chat. [ light laughter ] really . Jimmy Betty Gilpin Betty gilpin, everybody. Season three of glow premieres august 9th on netflix. Well be right back with stand up from Mike Vecchione, stick around [ cheers and applause protect your pet with the 1 name in flea and tick protection. Frontline plus. Trusted by vets for nearly 20 years. Athe backtoschool savings add sup . With an extra 20 off save on skechers for the family. Girls stretch jeggings just 12. Plus everyone gets kohls cash plus free amazon returns now at all kohls stores thursday through sunday. At kohls. 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[ cheers and applause jimmy this next guy is one of my favorites. He can be heard weekly on the no disrespect podcast available on itunes. Please welcome the very funny Mike Vecchione [ cheers and applause new york city, baby [ cheers and applause my name is mike. Im in my 40s. Some of you might be younger, so ill tell you what its like to be in your 40s. [ light laughter ] whether i lift weights or get drunk, my body feels about the same [ light laughter ] the next day im just achy and sore, questioning all of my lifes choices [ light laughter ] my father gave me some very bad advice growing up. And its going to sound like good advice when i say it. But now that im in my 40s, i know its bad. This was the advice. He said, michael, always give 100 . He said, you cant go wrong if you always give 100 . That, my friends, is false [ laughter ] if you give 100 at all times, you will end up in a mental institution. [ laughter ] but you have to try sometimes. So what i do now is when i walk into a situation, i check my cell phone whatever percentage my battery is at [ laughter ] thats how much effort i give. [ cheers and applause tonight, they were like, mike, this crowd deserves 100 . I said 37 is what theyre gonna get. [ laughter and applause unless somebody has a a charger. [ laughter ] im not married. Theres a lot of lies floating around out there about marriage one is that marriage is 50 50. I find that to be not true at all. The marriages that last are never 50 50. The marriages that last are a combination of two types of people one person who is boring [ light laughter ] with another person who is crazy. [ laughter ] boring and crazy is the only combination that seems to work ive done the math on this two borings dont work theyll cheat on each other. [ laughter ] not enough excitement. Two crazies dont work because thats the show cops. [ laughter ] have you ever seen the show cops . I have been through a lot of break ups. And when i break up with a a woman, never pleasant. I like to do it at a a restaurant [ laughter ] because i feel like its a a public place and she will not cause a scene [ light laughter ] but can i share a secret with you guys the women of today will yell at you right in a restaurant. [ laughter ] do you know what i do . I take her to a Chinese Restaurant [ laughter ] that way if she yells at me, it just seems like shes working at the restaurant. [ laughter ] [ applause ] im trying to stay in shape. I started doing hot yoga last spring and one of the benefits of doing hot yoga in new york is that you get to carry a small mat around the city with you and i like that. [ light laughter ] because my friends are dumb. Theyre like, are you doing yoga . Im like, this . No i like to engage people in tiny wrestling matches all over town [ laughter ] thats how i work out now. I start a confrontation. I roll out the mat [ laughter ] i wave on the challenge. Im like, bring it, dog lets solve it in this two by one by two by oneinch space that i carry around with me for aggressive reasons. [ light laughter ] i complain about hot yoga being too hot. Im one of those guys. My friends are like, mike, why dont you just go to regular yoga . Im like, no, i like hot yoga i like hot yoga. Because youre sweating so much, no one can tell that youre crying. [ laughter ] theyre like, mike, are you chanting . Im like, i am weeping. [ laughter ] i told the instructor it was too hot. Its supposed to be 90 minutes, 105 degrees. But it feels like 140. The seasons. Im like, do you know how buildings work . [ laughter ] you control the weather on the [ laughter ] thats why its different from the outside of a building. [ applause ] otherwise we would not need buildings. We would just do everything outside. Shes like, but dont you feel better after its over . Im like, i feel better the way someone feels better after they survived a car accident [ laughter ] i feel better that im alive [ laughter ] but i dont feel better than if i never would have come here. Shes like, but youre losing weight arent you happy that youre losing weight . Im like, am i losing weight . I dont feel like im losing weight i feel like im evaporating. [ laughter ] i feel like thats happening i feel like theres a cloud outside that looks exactly like me [ laughter ] fat, white and sad. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause you guys are amazing thank you so much [ cheers and applause jimmy Mike Vecchione for more visit mikevecchione. Com. Im black superman. Here comes the kryptonite. Come on [ screaming ] the brewpub chicken new hwith grilled chicken,. Crispy smokehouse bacon, and fresh avocado. The new buffalo chicken with franks redhot wings sauce. Or the tangy barbecue chicken with chipotle mayo. The new hot chicken trio at togos. How far would you go for a togo . Has been excellent. They really appreciate the military family and it really shows. With all that usaa offers why go with anybody else . We know their rates are good, we know that theyre always going to take care of us. It was an instant savings and i should have changed a long time ago. It was funny because when we would call another insurance company, hey would say oh we cant beat usaa were the webber family. Were the tenneys were the hayles, and were usaa members for life. Get your usaa Auto Insurance quote today. [ cheers and applause jimmy my thanks to Zachary Quinto, betty gilpin, kevin delaney, Mike Vecchione, and the roots right there from philadelphia [ cheers and applause stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for wang byeby e [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight michael moore, host of most expensivest, rapper, 2 chainz writer, Brian Michael bendis featuring the 8g band with fred armisen [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, im seth meyers. This is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause that is great ea
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