Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240714

[ knocking ] yeah hey, jimmy, we are ready for you. Jimmy okay happy fifth anniversary jimmy yay no thank you happy five five years good show, good show, good show steve do you believe weve been doing this shiz for five years . Jimmy yeah, yeah actually, i can. Steve you know whats funny . You know what the traditional gift for five Year Anniversary is jimmy cotton steve no jimmy paper . Steve unhunh. Jimmy just tell me higgins, what is it steve its wood. Thats right jimmy all right, just say it steve you want to sit around and give each other wood later on jimmy there it is. Thanks, buddy. Steve oh, do you mind if i plug my barbecue cookbook during the warmup . Jimmy no sir, i told you several times already im not a janitor. Okay, okay, whats your name bob okay, bob whos not a a janitor. Why dont you go find a janitor and tell him the get the giant fricking cockroaches out of my dressing room, which looks like a crack house ben oh, great perfect. Thats just perfect. Jimmy what are you doing here, pal . Well, i was going surprise you for your big anniversary show, but i guess now i can just go [ bleep ] myself surprise is over, everybody surprise is ruined jimmy what are you talking about . Thats fantastic zero surprise jimmy dont worry about it its going to be great itll be fantastic ill just act surprised. Oh, youll act surprised. Nice try, dude ive seen you act. Jimmy okay, thats rude. Whatever, taxi. Youre lucky im even here surprise jimmy what crawled up your ass and died oh, tina knocky knocky. Where is she wheres the most perfect girl in the whole wide world . Hi do you need something im getting ready. Jimmy yeah, no, i just wanted to say hi, pal, and welcome and, uh wassup wow, like the beer commercial jimmy yeah its topical stuff. See you out there. Jimmy you look great, by the way. I think he gained some weight you think he looks like hes wearing a a mask of his own face no freaking way yeah, freaking way. Freakin thing must have been two, three inches long oh, we dont got enough crap around here . Now we got freakin cockroaches all over the place jimmy is that still a thing, cockroaches theyre getting worse theyve been mating steve now, folks you see that flashing sign up there . That sign that says amazeballs . See it [ laughter ] no, im kidding it actually says applause. Can you flicker that for a a second [ applause ] there you go now, remember, you are a big part of this show, and the better you are, the better jimmy is and speaking of better, you want a better rack of ribs its barbecue season. Jimmy oh, no, no, no dont plug the book. Steve treat yourself to the 80s cook book, the bone suckers guide to a good ribbing. Jimmy this books been out of print for 30 years. Steve wherever limited selfpublished cookbooks are sold so take a tip from the old bone sucker jimmy bone sucker . Are you joking steve ten seconds. Ten seconds. Get ready to have a good time. Jimmy ten seconds. This is fun. [ cheers and applause this is fun. Here we go in five, four, three [ cheers and applause steve from studio 6b in Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight, join jimmy and his guests tina fey animal expert robert irwin musical guest Florida Georgia Line and featuring the legendary roots crew questlove 1022 jimmy do i look puffy . Not at all. No, you look amazing. Jimmy you guys look great, too. [ cheers and applause oh, my goodness. Thats a good crowd right here welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it [ cheers and applause you made it. Even though i just got here i can already tell you guys are way better than last nights audience [ laughter and applause absolutely and youre actually here on a very special night because, guys, tonight is our fifth anniversary. [ cheers and applause thats right we launched the show exactly five years ago and as of tonight, well have made 1,022 episodes of the tonight show. [ cheers and applause thats crazy, right . I cant believe that its been five years can you believe that steve actually i can, yeah [ laughter ] jimmy thank you very much, higgins. Heres a fun fact. Tariq, tell everyone what you told me earlier. Tariq . [ light laughter ] year six off to a great start. Here we go [ laughter ] can we try that again . Dave, can we do it again no problem. Jimmy all right, thanks. Im gonna go from the fifth anniversary line okay magic of television, guys. Well edit this out. [ laughter ] guys, tonight is our fifth anniversary. [ cheers and applause thats right we launched the show exactly five years ago as of tonight well have done 1,022 episodes of the tonight show. [ cheers and applause and check this out tariq, tell everyone what you told me earlier. In dog years, were actually at 7,154 episodes. Jimmy wow. [ cheers and applause no wonder why im so tired now lets get to some news here if you watched the oscars last night, allow to me explain im whats called a host [ cheers and applause thats right, last night were the Academy Awards its when hollywood gathers to celebrate all the incredible films nobody saw its great [ cheers and applause it was great seeing the stars on the red carpet though these are the jokes jimmy a little weird that Bradley Cooper kept unbelievable. Jimmy driving by in a limo saying i just want to take another look at you. [ laughter and applause of course there were some interesting winners last night for example, the oscar for best animated short went to kim jongun. Steve oh, really [ laughter and applause wow. I didnt even know he was nominated. Jimmy very animated. Steve wow. Jimmy speaking of kim jongun, later this week hes meeting with President Trump. They have a lot in common. They inherited everything from their dads and they cut their own hair [ laughter ] thats right trumps going to vietnam does he look puffy . Too much salt jimmy the meeting from february 27th through the lets get all the ramen out of his office. Jimmy spending two days with trump and kim jongun the translator will just slowly walk into the ocean. [ laughter ] but i really wish cameras were allowed in the room for that meeting. Because i would love to see trump try and say the phrase nuclear prolif oh, god. [ laughter ] nuclear proliferation. Sorry. I wish cameras were there allowed in the room for that meeting, yeah. I would love to see trump try to say the phrase nuclear pro [ laughter ] i cant say it hows it gonna say it if i cant say it cut that joke. We dont need that joke. [ laughter ] hey. Five years steve yeah jimmy five years yeah some entertainment news, a new Jeanclaude Van Damme movie opens this week this is an old person to you, right this guy looks old jimmy we die young is about what will happen if what happen trumps meeting with kim jongun doesnt go well. [ laughter ] at least he still comes his hair with a sneaker. Jimmy get this, the aarp thats young. Jimmy is making a new reality show called date my grandma. [ light laughter ] its like the bachelorette but instead of a fantasy suite, they get a booth at dennys. [ laughter and applause oh, my god, i hate myself for writing that joke. Yeah, i think we all hate you for writing that joke. Yeah. You should quit. Mmhmm. Jimmy hey, i saw that facebook recently celebrated its 15th anniversary i cant believe its been around for so long do you remember what it was like before facebook you remembered your friends birthdays because you actually cared. [ laughter and applause bang [ laughter ] before facebook you spent time at work actually working [ laughter and applause before facebook the only way to find out your uncle was racist was seeing him on thanksgiving [ laughter and applause finally, guys, a new report found that the New York Knicks are the nbas most valuable team at 4 billion thats crazy thats a billion dollars for every game they have won this year [ laughter and applause ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy talk about the magic of television. Well edit this out. Did you see what happened . Steve i saw you jump jimmy i suffered a trauma is what happened [ laughter ] dude, i just saw i just saw a giant cockroach steve ew jimmy did you see that yeah the biggest cockroach i have ever seen. You know, it stared at me. [ laughter ] it looked at me and then it scuttled [ laughter ] steve it scuttled. Jimmy it scuttled away steve it scuttled away jimmy behind the curtain and im, right now, im fully traumatized. Im sorry about that [ light laughter ] its bizarre you know why thats here you know whose fault that is roots, you know who it is. Questlove robert irwin jimmy yeah, little robert irwin [ laughter ] our animal expert. Our 15yearold genius im sorry. [ laughter ] he did the show like a month ago. He brought those cockroaches steve oh, i remember that was gross jimmy we do love him do you remember those . Theyre disgusting dave, do we have a tape of the cockroaches . You got it we can show it show this. You guys have got to see this. Look jimmy oh, no dont leave them here. Dont leave one here all right, here jimmy please dont leave one here because i know how they breed and i know how cockroaches work can you grab that one jimmy no [ laughter ] so one of them is just there anyway, Robert Irwins here tonight and hes gonna get a a piece of my mind yeah [ cheers and applause lets pretend that all never happened all right. Should i do it from just sitting down sorry about that all right, guys, here we go [ cheers and applause jimmy you guys, we have a great show tonight her new comedy wine country is premiering on netflix soon. Our pal, tina fey, is here [ cheers and applause plus, hes got brand new animals to show us 15yearold robert irwin is stopping by. [ cheers and applause and finally we have great, great music from the one, the only Florida Georgia Line. But before we get started, it is our fifth anniversary so i want to say a huge thank you to everyone who works here at the show. Crew, the producers, the writers, the staff, the roots, higgins, lorne you all work so hard to make this show every single night and none of this could happen without you. So thank you all so much [ cheers and applause and to you at home, we love trying to make you laugh every night. Is anybody buying this gratitude speech oh, please. Ive worked here for ten years he doesnt even know my name he actually called me linda the other day. [ cheers and applause are you doing anything big to celebrate the big 05 . Steve i am im going to the strip house and having myself a giant steak. Jimmy yeah [ light laughter ] havent you been there, like, three time this is week . [ laughter ] steve thats my jam. Man, you got let me live jimmy yeah, all right, fair enough [ light laughter ] steve also, ive been trying out different new dry rubs for the second edition of my barbecue books. Jimmy guys, we have a great show tonight but first [ cheers and applause oh, my god, its hashtag guys, hashtag the panda wow this is such a great surprise. Oh, my gosh. Hashtag. Its such a great surprise i had no idea that youd be here i had no clue that ben . [ cheers and applause ben ben stiller what are you doing here . Come on. What you know, its no big deal, jimmy. Its just i heard it was your big fifth anniversary show, and so i thought i would drop everything i was doing [ laughter ] fly across the country, cancel my whole week so i could come here and see the look of surprise on your face when i surprised you. [ laughter ] so surprise. [ laughter ] jimmy well, im totally surprised. Audience are you surprised . [ cheers and applause we were all surprised youre such a bad actor. Hey, ben, ben. Would you mind dancing out you cant tell, but im giving you the finger. [ cheers and applause jimmy ben stiller, everybody. [ cheers and applause there he is. [ cheers ] well, that was fun higgins, wasnt that fun steve oh, that was that was real fun. Jimmy yeah that really was. Ben stiller, everyone. How cool was that . [ cheers and applause guys, when we come back, tina fey is here, stay tuned for more of the tonight show. And remember, no flipping. [ cheers and applause jimmy what the hell was his problem . Guess he didnt like the surprise got blown jimmy surprise got blown please, hes a grown man in a bear costume steve what was his problem jimmy his problem . What was your problem . Steve what jimmy dude, i told you not to plug that stupid barbecue book steve no, when i asked you, i said, do you mind if i plug by barbecue book in the warmup . You said no. Jimmy whatd i say no, no, exactly. No, i dont want you to plug the book steve no, you said no, you didnt mind if i plugged it jimmy no, i said dont plug the stupid book. Steve no, you said no. I said do you mind and you said no. Im not a mind reader. Jimmy whatever man i dont know what you are. But just whatever. Plug away. I dont care do i look puffy out there . I feel like my face steve oh, no, no not at all. Keto is really working. Jimmy really steve yeah, you look kind of like a ham on those cheekbones jimmy oh, really steve youre looking really good jimmy thanks, dude yeah, man killer jimmy you guys look good too. Steve thanks thanks. Whats up dude . Jimmy whats up, dude . Tina fey is coming out now. Just a heads up, she seems super mad about something. Shell be fine shes a total pro. Yeah, she was just like, he knows exactly what he did. Jimmy what the heck did i do i dont know. Six minutes. End with a clip. All good jimmy yeah, everybodys crazy. Everyone deserves each other i should have been a mailman the pink . Lets go mets go time daddy [ giggling ] ohhhh man. Took my hat off. [ to love somebody by bee gees playing ] thats crazy [ crowd cheering ] [ screaming ] lets go mets [ cheering ] im truly amazed at the effect thathank you, bob ple. Dear lexus, it is with a very gratesful heart that i write you about your amazing employees. Eric volunteered to come to my rescue that evening. To a mom, these things really matter. From this day forward, im a lexus customer for life. Thank you. Sincerely. Ivy, kim, david, greg. Crafting every experience for our guests with the same level of care we craft our vehicles. Thats what makes lexus, lexus. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Lexus. Here are even more reasons to join tmobile. 1. Do you like netflix . Sure you do. Thats why its on us. 2. Unlimited data. Use as much as you want, when you want. 3. No surprises on your bill. Taxes and fees included. Still think you have a better deal . Bring in your discount, and well match it. Thats right. Tmobile will match your discount. We like drip coffee, layovers and waiting on hold. What we dont like is relying on fancy technology for help. Snail mail we were invited to a y2k party. Uh, didnt that happen, like, 20 years ago . Oh, look, karolyn, weve got a mathematician on our hands check it out now you can schedule a callback or reschedule an appointment, even on nights and weekends. Todays xfinity service. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Id rather not. [ cheers and applause jimmy we are joined right now by a brilliant comedian and writer shes created hit movies and tv series, a New York Times best seller and her smash hit Broadway Musical mean girls was nominated for 12 tony awards this may, you can see her in an allstar cast in amy poehlers directorial debut wine country. Look for that on netflix say hello to tina fey. [ cheers and applause hey youre a terrible person jimmy what you heard me. Standing ovation. Thats great do you think they clapped more for her than me, though . Seriously. You know what, dont answer that im out of here. Shop my wares somewhere else by the way that trashcan . Full of cockroaches. Like my dressing room. Totally infested this building is infested. Its infested with fallonitis im taking the stairs. Im taking the stairs. cause the elevator didnt come okay, where are the stairs jimmy but including this guy. Yeah, okay. So this is okay, so this i dont know if you guys have seen the show, but at the end of the show, spoiler alert, whatever, we gave you plenty of time [ laughter ] kimmy writes a book. And writes she kind of becomes, like, the next j. K. Rowling. She takes, like, her crazy dark childhood with her imagination and she becomes a great author and in the tv show she writes a book called the legends of greemulax which is like a a middle grade reader that teaches kids how to control the little monster inside them jimmy yeah specifically boys teaches boys how to control the little monster jimmy yeah and so we were like, oh, we should someone should really write the book. Because thats because were stupid [ laughter ] jimmy thats great i think its genius. Its so nice. Its a really good book. Its a woman well, kimmy schmidt wrote it jimmy of course. [ cheers and applause right, guys . Kimmy schmidt wrote it with the help of a great woman named sarah mlynowski. And it is a real book. And it goes all our profits go to a charity called prevent child abuse america. So its like a good thing. And if you yeah [ cheers and applause jimmy absolutely sure [ cheers and applause well, you got to be i dont know if you saw the Ariana Grande video for thank u, next. I did because i got a text from my 13yearold being like, the videos dropping in three minutes. [ laughter ] arianas dropping a video. Its going to have mean girls in it. And i was like, youre at school like, why are you on your phone . [ laughter ] jimmy howd you get an alert . Yeah right and i was like, yeah, how does everybody know it . I have so much trouble getting people knowing, like ive got a tv show on netflix anytime you want it. Jimmy yeah, yeah and i cant get any jimmy they know that a a videos being dropped. But then like, arianas like, tomorrow at 3 00, pick up your phone. Everyone is like, okay. Jimmy yeah but look, there she is doing mean girls. Yeah. Jimmy regina shes being Regina George [ cheers and applause and Jonathan Bennett from the original movie looks the same. Jimmy he does. [ laughter ] right . Thats bizarre right . Dude looks the same yeah the videos pretty cool, right jimmy yeah fantastic, dude. I want to talk about wine country. Yep jimmy cause this is, i know, amy poehlers directorial debut. Yes jimmy and shes how is she as a director a feature debut shes a nightmare. [ laughter ] shes awesome. You know, so this movie came about, i just went that way and i walked into rachel maddow. So what . Huh . Im going to try this way. You know, wish me luck like the poseidon adventure or something every time one of us turns 50, were going to take a little trip. So they took the first trip they took was to wine country and i didnt get to go on that trip, cause i was working but so they took a trip to wine country and had a crazy time and then they were like, we should make a movie about our trip to wine country. And thereby be paid to return to wine country. [ laughter ] jimmy ah, genius genius. Jimmy genius so this is a movie, kind of, inspired by the insanity of that trip. Jimmy of real life yeah. And its going to be on netflix. And its basically, like, if you ever wanted to hang out with amy poehler, maya rudolph, and dratch and everybody, and then i show up jimmy this is it its a murderers row jimmy yeah its ridiculous jimmy we have a clip heres tina fey, maya rudolph, and Rachel Dratch in amy poehlers directorial debut, wine country. Its on netflix in may check this out jimmy hey, do you mind telling me what the hell your problem is you know what you did jimmy i dont. Well, maybe if you werent popping so many pills, you would have a better sense jimmy popping pills . What are you talking you know what . Fine, lets just not talk for the rest of the clip fine by me. Jimmy yeah, fine by me too [ laughter ] just so you know, i will smile and finsih this interview because im a professional but in the future, i will be shopping my wares elsewhere. Jimmy your wares you heard me, jackass [ light laughter ] what are you up to, nothing champagne time all right, everybody [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause jimmy our thanks to tina fey look for wine country on netflix in may animal expert robert irwin joins us after the break stick around [ cheers and applause jimmy how great was she . Tina fey, everybody tina fey, everybody thank you jimmy thank you pal. You gotta redye your mustache yeah. Trump got elected because of you. [ cheers and applause where are the stairs . To get downstairs . To Rockefeller Center . That way now its this way. Okay, make up your mind. Which way . What oh, my god im gonna go this way again. [sfx bottle opening] [sfx tires screeching] ahhhh [sfx bottle opening] {sfx neighing] [sfx splash] ahhhh [sfx bottle opening] ahhhh whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Oooooooooo. Ill show you something neeeeeewwww. Im gonna make you moooooove. Ill show you something, ill show you something. Neeeeeewwww. Ill show you something, ithis ijust listen. Ing. vo theres so much we want to show her. We needed a car that would last long enough to see it all. avo subaru outback. Ninety eight percent are still on the road after 10 years. Come on mom, lets go got their start in 1957 right here in the ballpark. They soon became a summer tradition, passed from one generation to the next. With the taste of 100 angus beef, ball pk franks bring on summer. When your psoriasis is bad, it can be hard to see whats possible. But the possibilities become clear with taltz. The first and only treatment of its kind offering a chance at 100 clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of those with moderate to severe psoriasis saw a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. Some even saw 100 clear skin. Dont use if youre allergic to taltz. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. Increased risk of infections and lower ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about infections, symptoms, or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop, worsen or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions can occur. See the possibilities. Ask your doctor about taltz. Hey, jimmy, robert irwin wants to talk to you backstage jimmy now . Its the middle of the show. Yeah, hes saying its extremely urgent jimmy well crikey, in thats case. Thank you jimmy hey. Do you know what animal boy wants . Im not sure, but youve got some time, go talk to him. Jimmy oh is that right i got time to talk to him . Thank you so much for giving me the time to go talk to him thats so great. Im so thankful i have that time i can do so many things. I can do anything. I can definitely get a new animal expert, i can tell you that much. Gday jimmy how you going . Good to see you. Jimmy great. You know, were in the middle of the show right. Yeah, yeah, i know, and im sorry to bother you but i want everything to be perfect for your anniversary, so ive got these two animals that im thinking about closing with tonight. Ive got wally the american alligator, he is beautiful the perfect finale hes amazing jimmy yeah or, ive got this gorgeous albino python. Just amazing so, which one . Jimmy thats why im here . To pick alligator or snake who cares . Who cares well maybe you dont care jimmy but i do ive devoted my life to these animals. My whole family has. We love them jimmy okay youre a very bad person. Jimmy i think youre overreacting a little bit. Well what if i said who cares about one of your little knockknock jokes, huh what if i crapped all over your career would that upset you jimmy oh, your career . Please robert, youre 15 years old, okay . Your career is playing fortnite and popping boners im a professional conservationist. Jimmy oh, yeah, and it was so professional of you to leave all those cockroaches all over the studio thank you so much for that, dude its a peppered cockroach jimmy peppered cockroach, it was very oh, save it junior youre lucky im here jimmy put some pant on, okay its february. That man is a very bad person jimmy my mic was on wasnt it steve yeah 100 jimmy so they all just heard me steve screaming at a kid, yeah good luck and were back in five, four, three [ cheers and applause jimmy my next guest is responsible for this entire building being filled with cockroaches. Please welcome robert irwin, everybody. [ cheers and applause jimmy there he is. Nice to see you. Good to see you, robert, as usual. Love the shorts. Oh, thank you very much youre looking well, jimmy getting plenty to eat there. I can see that good, good [ laughter ] jimmy what animals did you bring us today [ laughter ] oh, weve got a lot of fun animals for you today. First up weve got this guy. Have a go at this. So, this is an asian water monitor. Im going to put him up her on the table. [ laughter ] now, you are welcome to get as close as you want to this guy. Jimmy or far [ light laughter ] or as far as i want to get come in her and give him a pat just along there steer clear of his head cause these guys have some of the sharpest teeth of any animal ive ever seen eh, lizard. Kind of boring maybe it will bite him. There we go good job and feel there how theres little bits of skin coming off jimmy yeah they are continuously losing their skin all the time. And hell get a lot bigger hell get to be the second largest lizard in the entire world. The teeth right in there jimmy dont touch the head or anything. Theyve got a little sheath so, if he were to open his mouth, you wouldnt see them but he can, kind of, raise his teeth out and thats when he grabs in and lacerates really cool. [ laughter ] how goods that . This is joseph hes got a very cute name. Jimmy he really does hes a good boy jimmy is there anything more that i can handle but different animal okay, no worries. There you go, joseph jimmy thats a little frightening, sorry [ cheers ] good job. All right. For this next one, come around here this is shaq, and he is big. [ audience oohs have a go at that. Jimmy wow so shaq demo loves owls hes actually the largest owl in the world harry potter. Over six feet. So, you can see, if he puts out his wings have a look at that. [ audience oohs they are just enormous have a look at that. Very intense stare [ laughter ] jimmy hoo hoo. [ owl hoos ] yeah. That was good. Jimmy he just answered me back that was so jimmy that was real. Go, to try again. That was good. Jimmy hoohoo. [ owl hoos ] [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] that was awesome. That was good. That was good. Jimmy i think now i speak owl. Its fantastic that was pretty good. Jimmy yeah all right, ill talk to you later. Right. [ laughter ] thanks. Shaq. Jimmy yeah, yeah youre good. Okay for this one i want you to sit down for this one. Its the last animal of the night. [ light laughter ] this one is really exciting. So take a seat jimmy all right. Okay the last one is always a big, giant thing and either you scare me or im im excited, but im also frightened as well sorry. [ laughter ] oh, well, this one is exciting so, why dont you close your eyes and put your hands out. [ laughter ] jimmy dont make me do that and this one is going to come in. All right, ready close your eyes. Put your hands out jimmy put my hands out no, please all right, ready . Jimmy please dont its going to be scary please, please dont i dont want it to be [ audience aws ] all right jimmy ah [ laughter ] all right, open your eyes open your eyes [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause jimmy a cat . Whoa. There you go you got her . Jimmy this is a regular cat . Yeah. Well, this is actually melva and she is a gorgeous american shorthair all the way from staten island. Isnt that great [ laughter ] [ cheers ] shes so cute. And i absolutely love cats they are just so cute, arent they jimmy you really pulled out all the stops for the big finale, huh, robert . Absolutely. Jimmy i mean, wow. When does anybody ever get to see a cat . What happened to the snake and the alligator . I think your exact words about the snake and the alligator were, who cares . Jimmy its beautiful [ cheers and applause well, melva, everybody, shes actually very playful. Would you like to see her play jimmy sure a little bit does that sound good jimmy i dont know if we can handle the excitement. Sure, yeah ready here we go are you raedy, melva are you ready . Here you go. Up here. Here, get nice and close to jimmys face [ laughter ] here, come on. Up here. Jimmy all right. Up here jimmy all right. Thats good. I think we can i dont if we can handle any more excitement. [ laughter ] thank you all right jimmy robert irwin, everybody. [ cheers and applause the first season of crikey its the irwins is available on the Animal Planet go app. Well be right back with more tonight show, everybody. Hi, buddy. Hi, buddy. I see you, i see you [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] jimmy good maybe she can eat the roaches. [ laughter ] there we go jimmy robert irwin, everybody. Righthere. [ cheers ] great job. Grow up [ cheers and applause ech theres a cockroach in the cheese plate graham . Thats my daughter hey. Dad. What an incredible set love the wig. The greater than ever corolla. Lets go places. The greater than ever corolla. World elite mastercard, now with more automatic benefits. Lets order some food. Start reconnecting. Start something priceless. Explore the new benefits of the world elite mastercard. What shes zip lining with little jon . Its lil jon. Even he knows that. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. We want your sandwich to arrive freaky fresh®, so we only deliver within 5 minutes of our stores. And not. Farther. Hes new. Order at jimmyjohns. Com. Because sandwich. driver relax, its just a bug. Thats not a bug, thats not a bug burke hit and drone. Seen it, covered it. At farmers, we know a thing or two because weve seen a thing or two. We are farmers. Bumpadum, bumbumbumbum be right back. With moderate to severe Crohns Disease, i was there, just not always where i needed to be. Is she alright . I hope so. So i talked to my doctor about humira. I learned humira is for people who still have symptoms of Crohns Disease after trying other medications. And the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief and many achieved remission in as little as 4 weeks. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Be there for you, and them. Ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, remission is possible. Have the Fastest Internet and now the best mobile network too . Yeah and get them together and save hundreds on your wireless bill. Wow, thats great. Oh, and this looks great. Are these words for sale . No. Go, go, go, go, go. Now the fastest, most reliable internet can help you save on your wireless bill. Thats simple, easy, awesome. Taxi should i have stopped her . Save hundreds of dollars a year when you get internet and mobile together. Plus ask how to get 250 back when you switch to xfinity mobile. Check out this timespace wormhole i created. Hows it work . Let me see your togo, and ill show you. Earl you have my lunch. Pretzelrami is back, with our famous pastrami and a bigger soft pretzel roll. And try the new turkey bistro with warm turkey and smokehouse bacon. Or the new hot club chicken dijon with black forest ham. The new hot pretzels, only at togos. How far would you go for a togo . Hey jimmy, we have the telemundo promo next jimmy okay, great. Guys, im going to do a quick promo. Hes doing the promo. Jimmy that is our Spanish Language Sister Network and i am warning you right now, i dont speak spanish. [ light laughter ] itll sound fine, but i have no idea what im saying i really should learn spanish. Yeah, you should. In five, four, three [ speaking in spanish jimmy why am i saying despacito . Steve its the town, not the song jimmy okay can i start again . Here we go, in five, four, three [ speaking in spanish so whats he saying i thought you wrote this. I thought you wrote it. [ speaking in spanish well if neither of us wrote it, then who did [ speaking in spanish [ laughter ] [ speaking in spanish jimmy did we get that . Nailed it jimmy got it [ cheers and applause is that a roach oh, god oww. Have in common, limu . [ paper rustling ] exactly, nothing. Theyre completely different people, thats why they need customized Car Insurance from liberty mutual. Theyll only pay for what they need [ gargling ] [ coins hitting the desk ] yes, and they could save a ton. Youve done it again, limu. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Ooohhhh here are even more reasons to join tmobile. 1. Do you like netflix . Sure you do. Thats why its on us. 2. Unlimited data. Use as much as you want, when you want. 3. No surprises on your bill. Taxes and fees included. Still think you have a better deal . Bring in your discount, and well match it. Thats right. Tmobile will match your discount. Applebees new loaded chicken fajitas. Now only 10. 99. Im not picking it up. You pick it up im not picking it up. Ill pick it up theyre clean cuz my hineys clean. Oh yeah im charmin clean. Charmin ultra strong just cleans better. Enjoy the go with charmin. Oh oh oh ozempic® announcer people with type 2 diabetes are excited about the potential of onceweekly ozempic®. In a study with ozempic®, a majority of adults lowered their blood sugar and reached an a1c of less than seven and maintained it. Oh under seven . And you may lose weight. In the same oneyear study, adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. Oh up to 12 pounds . A twoyear study showed that ozempic® does not increase the risk of major cardiovascular events like heart attack, stroke, or death. Oh no increased risk . Oh, oh, oh, ozempic® ozempic® should not be the first medicine for treating diabetes, or for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. Do not share needles or pens. Dont reuse needles. Do not take ozempic® if you have a personal or Family History of medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if you are allergic to ozempic®. Stop taking ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, itching, rash, or trouble breathing. Serious side effects may happen, including pancreatitis. Tell your doctor if you have Diabetic Retinopathy or vision changes. Taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase the risk for low blood sugar. Common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, and constipation. Some side effects can lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. I discovered the potential with ozempic®. Oh oh oh ozempic® ask your Healthcare Provider today about onceweekly ozempic®. [ cheers and applause jimmy performing their brand new song colorado from their new album cant say i aint country. Please welcome good friends of the show, Florida Georgia Line [ cheers and applause i got friends from colorad i got friend from tennessee so i got somethin in a bottl and i got somethin from a a seed since you sai you didnt love me since you hung m out to dry ive been drunk up in the smokie on a Rocky Mountain high jasper hogs big loud management. Im with the band. Jimmy pleasure jimmy. Made the plan booked the day spent the money to nothin sweet bout a paid fo honeymoo Million Dollar vie to see but she wont these boys have been here six times. Jimmy yeah theyre great. We love them theyre like family. Yes indeed. Yes indeed [ smooch ] at the tip top lookin at a holler full of hemlocks that seems to me that maybe family should get to sit on the couch. Im all alone jimmy excuse me . I got friends from colorado they got good stories to tell, jimmy. Lot of good stories. Jimmy thank you. I got friends from tennessee so i got somethin in a bottle so i have your word on that then and i got somethin from a seed jimmy word on what on the couch. We can just go ahead and make that promise official . Jimmy yeah im just trying to enjoy the song talk to talk to the booker sure. See how it is. Come here six times, no couch. The big fat slice of talk to the booker you know when i heard this place had cockroaches i i had no idea they would be so tall jimmy whatever you laugh all you want jimmy fallon, but jimmy im not laughing im actually annoyed you laugh all you want regardless those boys have stories to tell on that couch. Id hate to see them start shopping their wares elsewhere [ cheers and applause jimmy Florida Georgia Line cant say i aint country is out now. How you doing . Nice to see you. I had sushi for the first time last night. [ cheers and applause and actually, didnt think i was gonna like it. Thank you for having us jimmy. Jimmy well be right back everybody. Loved the appetizers. [ cheers and applause were the slowskys. We like drip coffee, layovers and waiting on hold. What we dont like is relying on fancy technology for help. Snail mail we were invited to a y2k party. Uh, didnt that happen, like, 20 years ago . Oh, look, karolyn, weve got a mathematician on our hands check it out now you can schedule a callback or reschedule an appointment, even on nights and weekends. Todays xfinity service. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Id rather not. [ cheers and applause jimmy my thanks to tina fey, robert irwin, ben stiller, floridageorgia line and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for five amazing years, everybody have a great night hope to see you tomorrow byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause theres not much i want to do to get those boys on that couch jimmy. Not much at all. Hey, thats not the stairs. Im i just want to get out of this building i just want to leave here so badly. I just want to get out of here okay do you know where the stairs are . [ cheers and applause whew. Well, the good news is theres another one tomorrow jimmy long day yeah. Youre lucky im here. Jimmy its fun, though, right . Hi, im robert de niro. And im jimmy fallon reminding you to tune into the the tonight show every weeknight at 11 30 p. M. Right here on nbc. Oh, and happy fifth anniversary, jimmy is that a cockroach . Theres like three or four roaches. Theres another one. You know what . Forget this. Forget it. Im done im done thats it. All over bye. Ill be shopping my wares somewhere else [ beeping tonight show. Scene one, mark. Steve can you believe i have been doing these shows for five years thank you. Jimmy i can. Actually, i can. Steve you know what the traditional gift is for a fiveYear Anniversary . [ laughter ] i drank the whole tray hes such an animal. I drank the whole tray [ beep ] jimmy no way, its going to be great itll going to be fantastic. Ill just act surprised. Oh, yeah. Youre going to act surprised. Sorry. Okay [ beep ] yeah, surprise hey. Hey, fella fella, you can come out of hiding hey danny come back out jimmy doesnt matter its almost good that hes not there. Yeah, guess what . Surprise is over [ beep ] jimmy what the hell crawled up your ass and died [ laughter ] at least hes still combing his hair with a sneaker. Jimmy what did she say at least hes still combing his hair with a sneaker. [ laughter ] [ beep ] jimmy lets get this i was hoping this was going fly away, but jimmy in your face jimmy my god oh, my god [ beep ] im out of here sell my wares im sorry [ beep ] hey jasper hogs, big loud management, with the band. Jimmy do it again. Sorry, blew it. [ beep ] hey, jasper hogs, big loud entertainment. With the band. Jimmy big loud management. Yeah, aah [ laughter ] jimmy you blew it [ beep ] i knew exactly what i was doing. I wouldnt change a thing yeah, no, im not going to. Because im actually reading right now. Ill be taking do that again. Ill be shopping my wares somewhere ill be shopping my wares somewhere else [ beep ] i can keep doing this all night. Seriously. Ill just keep doing this. No, that was great. That was a really good one [ beep ] thats a wrap [ cheers and applause jimmy so weird are we done . This day is so weird its freaking me out [ laughter ] [ foghorn [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight jim gaffigan, star of dead to me, actress linda cardellini, poet and novelist, ocean vuong featuring the 8g band with fred armisen [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. Welcome to late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause well, that is wonderful to hear. In that case, lets get to the news President Trump held a press Conference Today with the president of poland