[ laughter ] i dont know what he said next, but it had to be, why is everybody laughing . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] according to according to new analysis, President Trump speaks at a fourth grade level. But only [ laughter ] but only when he doesnt want betsy devos to know what hes talking about. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this isnt for betsy. We need to do it ammediately [ laughter ] former white house chief strategist, steve bannon, has stepped down from his position as the head of breitbart news. So hes unemployed. [ cheers ] i guess all this time, he really was dressing for the job he wanted. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] President Trump will have his First Physical exam as president this friday. That story again, trump will have his firstever physical exam on friday. [ laughter ] i have i have two knees. Thats the most. [ laughter ] i have the most possible knees. [ laughter ] thats right. Trump will have his First Physical exam on friday. Okay, you can go ahead and get undressed, said trump to a nurse. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] according to a new book, President Trump prefers to eat at mcdonalds, because he thinks it protects him from being poisoned. And because it allows him to meet with other world leaders. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] u2 front man bono said in a new interview that he thinks music has gotten too girly. Well, you know what they say. Opinions are like u2 albums. Even when you dont want them, bonos gonna give them to you. [ laughter and applause ] actress Roseanne Barr has said in a new interview she would probably be a better president than trump. Ya think . [ laughter ] at this point, i would take either becky over trump [ laughter ] and finally, an arizona bank robber was recently arrested after he applied for a job with his local police department. They busted him after they asked, where do you see yourself in five years . And he said, in jail for robbing a bank. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a fantastic show for you tonight [ cheers and applause ] he is the writer director of the critically acclaimed get out. Jordan peele is back on the show. Our good friend. [ cheers and applause ] his new film, the commuter is out this weekend. Patrick wilson is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] hes one of my favorite comedians. And his new standup tour this joke the joke is on us kicks off january 11th. Lewis black is back, as well. [ cheers and applause ] so youre here on a great night. Before we get to all of our wonderful guests, every day donald trump continues to prove that hes an increasingly erratic president who is unfit for his job. And now hes apparently working even fewer hours in neglecting urgent issues. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth since the publication of fire and fury, the explosive book about his first year in the white house, President Trump has been battling the growing impression that even his closest aides believe him to be dangerously unfit for office. And they obviously have a very strong case, since trump knows virtually nothing about the job. But you would think that a man who ran on a platform of pure patriotism and who spent months lecturing athletes about respecting the National Anthem would at the very least know the words to the anthem. [ laughter ] and yet trump seemed lost as he tried to sing along to the anthem before last nights National College football championships. Can you see by the dawns early light [ laughter ] what so proudly we hailed at the twilights last gleaming [ laughter ] whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight [ laughter ] seth oh, my god, trump sings the National Anthem the way the rest of us sing despacito. [ laughter and applause ] despacito seriously, how can you be president and not know the words to the National Anthem. Thats like Peyton Manning not knowing the words to the nationwide jingle. Nationwide is something something [ laughter ] now just two weeks into the new year, trump faces a series of urgent tasks that deserve every ounce of his attention. From keeping the government open, to protecting daca recipients, to fully funding the Childrens Health insurance program, to providing electricity to millions of Puerto Ricans who are still without it. And yet, hes apparently spending even less time working than he did before. The website axios obtained trumps private schedule. Not the public ones his staff puts out and found that President Trump is starting his official day much later than he did in the early days of his presidency, often around 11 00 a. M. And holding far fewer meetings. This is largely to meet trumps demands for more executive time, which almost always means tv and twitter time alone in the residence. [ cheers and applause ] sorry. He starts his day at 11 00 a. M. . [ light laughter ] is he the president or lunch waiter at olive garden . [ light laughter ] all i do is make fun of him and i still have to be here at 9 00 a. M. [ laughter and applause ] just take trumps private schedule from this week as an example of how little he works. On tuesday, trump has his first meeting of the day at 11 00 a. M. He then has an executive time for an hour, followed by an hour lunch in the private dining room. Then its another hour fifteen minutes of executive time followed by a 45 minute meeting then another 15 minutes of executive time before ending his official day at 4 15 p. M. On thursday, the president has an especially light schedule. Policy time at 11 00 a. M. , then executive time at 12 00 p. M. , then lunch for an hour, then more executive time from 1 30 p. M. Oh, my god, trump might be our first president who works so little, he technically qualifies for unemployment. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] its like trump isnt even the president. Hes more like mike pences out of work friend who has to crash with him for a while until he gets back on his feet. Hes the dupree of the white house. [ laughter ] deep cut, thats a deep cut. Trump, of course, not only defers all major policymaking to his staff and republicans in congress, hes also so fragile and erratic that he needs those same people to go on tv and lavish praise on him. As senior policy advisor Steven Miller did on sunday in his now infamous interview with cnn anchor, jake tapper. The reality is, is the president is a political genius who won against a field of 17 incredibly talented people. Who took down the bush dynasty, who took down the clinton dynasty. All these so called political geniuses in washington, whether it be at the big lobbying firms or the only person who has called himself a genius in the last week is the president. [ laughter ] which happens to be a true statement. A selfmade billionaire who revolutionized reality tv and who has changed the course of our politics. Im sure hes watching and hes happy that you said that. [ light laughter ] i would be with the president on his Campaign Plane with a rally in 20 minutes, and he would be able youve already made your point, steven. He would be able to come up with material youve already youve already said that. A selfmade billionaire, revolutionized reality tv and tapped into something magical thats happening in the hearts of this country. Seth ugh. [ laughter ] id say Steven Miller has a boner, but he already is one. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seriously, he looks like someone flapped a couple of googly eyes on a penis. [ laughter ] seriously, is there anyone creepier than Steven Miller . He wasnt born, he just appeared after someone read an Edgar Allen Poe story into a cracked mirror. [ laughter ] also, can we go back to the first part of that clip for a second . The president is a political genius, who won against a field of 17 incredibly talented people. Who took down the bush dynasty. Who took down the clinton dynasty. Seth there is something worse than someone who pronounces it dinasty. [ laughter and applause ] miller claims hes in touch with the working class, but he pronounces words like a british dandy. [ light laughter ] whats next, text his mobile for his shedule so he can have some privacy during his lezure time. To borrow a phrase Steven Miller might use. Steven miller is a wanker. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] with googly eyes. Obviously with googly eyes. Also, can i say im just tired of this talking point trump and his toadies keep repeating that he beat a field of 17 incredibly talented people . He did not. Lets not forget the field he ran against included a narcoleptic, a malfunctioning robot, a sentient butter sculpture and a guy who was almost suffocated by his own hoodie. [ laughter ] and when trumps sycophants arent available to go on tv and stroke his ego, trump does it himself. Yesterday he flew to tennessee to sign an executive order and speak to the American Farm bureau. And at one point, he needlessly lashed out at the media and told the crowd to look up his twitter account. I will sign two president ial orders to provide broader and faster and Better Internet coverage. Make sure you look up realdonaldtrump. [ light laughter ] seth im sorry, but it strikes me as unpresident ial to plug your social media account. [ light laughter ] he sounds like the end of a youtube video. If you thought this speech was dope, please like, and subscribe for more, sick content. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] one of the details trumps aides have repeated about him to show hes mentally unfit for his job is his pension for repeating the same handful of stories over and over. And yet again yesterday, he rambled on about his 2016 election victory and reminded the crowd of his position on guns. Were restoring the rule of law and protecting our cherished second amendment. [ laughter ] seth why are you making the hand motion . They know what youre talking about. The way trump abuses the First Amendment makes me want to take advantage of the 21st amendment. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] trump is like a guy playing charades who doesnt realize hes not allowed to speak. Movie, two words, star, wars. Boom, we did it that was so fast [ laughter ] but it isnt just that trump is growing increasingly erratic, hes also becoming more lawless after repeatedly hectoring his Justice Department to investigate hillary clinton, it seems the doj is now doing exactly that. And on top of that, yesterday, the Trump Administration announced that it was cruelly ending a humanitarian program that allowed 200,000 people from el salvador to live here for more than a decade. Hes working fewer hours and neglecting the basic responsibilities of his job, and yet, hes still desperate for praise. In his speech yesterday, he rambled on about the election and his administrations attempts to roll back regulations and insisted to the audience that they were happy he won. Were streamlining regulations that have blocked cuttingedge biotechnology. Setting free our farmers to innovate, thrive and to grow. Oh, are you happy you voted for me. You are so lucky that i gave you that privilege. [ audience oohs ] seth ehh. Hes so hes so gross. I never thought i would say this, but bring back Steven Miller. [ laughter ] this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with our friend, jordan peele, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. For. Your bbf your backup singer. Your frenemy your boo your roomie so one phone for you and one phone for someone in your squad. Buy an iphone 8 and get a second iphone 8 on us when you have directv. Mom stuffynosecold nosleep mouthbreather just put on a breathe right strip it instantly opens your nose. Up to 38 more than Cold Medicine alone go to breatheright. Com today to request a free sample. Try degree ultraclear black white saves your white clothes from yellow stains and black clothes from white marks still with 48 hour sweat protection. Try degree ultraclear black white it wont let you down depend real fit briefs feature breathable, cottonlike fabric. In situations like this, theres no time for distractions. Its not enough to think im ready. I need to know im ready. No matter what lies ahead. Get a coupon at depend. Com [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back and give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause ] also, sitting in with us this week, shes one of our favorite drummers who can be heard on the new selftitled album from needle driver. From right here in new york city, allison miller, everybody [ cheers and applause ] welcome back allison. Thanks. Seth our first guest tonight is an emmywinning actor, writer, and comedian. He wrote and directed the critically acclaimed film get out, which has been nominated for multiple awards. Lets take a look. Would anyone like tea . No, im good. We leaving actually. Really . Why . Is something wrong . Rose . His dog got really sick, so he has to be at the vet first thing in the morning. [ talking over each other ] oh how terrible. Rose, the keys. Looking. Rose. Rose, the keys. Where are those keys, rose . Seth please welcome back to the show, our good friend, jordan peele, everyone [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, buddy thank you [ cheers and applause ] seth congratulations again. Film of the year by my money. Thank you. Seth i just love it so much. Thank you. Seth and but, i also want to talk about this. Even more impressive or more important, i should say, a new dad. Congratulations. New dad. [ cheers and applause ] i got a new dad. [ laughter ] seth you got [ laughter ] no, im a father. [ laughter ] seth youre a father. Is it beaumont . Yes, beau. Seth beau for short. Seth beau, okay great. And hes adorable. Seth and hes about 6 months . 6 months. So that means hes like. You know, hes smiling, hes laughing. Seth uhhuh. Which is important. Seth does he find you funny . [ light laughter ] yeah yeah. [ laughter ] but no so you know im married to chelsea peretti. Seth who is a very funny comedian. Very funny comedian. And clearly funnier than i, because she gets him to laugh. I cant. Seth really . Yeah. Seth well, i can tell you, its even more heart breaking for me. My wifes a lawyer and my son laughs at her more than me. [ laughter ] thats a problem. Thats not good. Seth what does she do that you cant pull off . Well, i dont know. Its one of these like this, you know, this magic quality. She goes, muh muh and hes like his laugh his laugh is like, ahh [ laughter ] like, great. Like, my son is a stoner already. Its great. [ laughter ] i tried exact same thing. Im just like, buh and he just goes [ laughter ] and so its the look away thats really disheartening. You know, hes like [ laughter ] like, yeah, no, i saw it. Seth well, thats like he knew it was supposed to be a joke. Yeah. Yeah. Hes watching he had more smile before the bit than after. Hes like boo [ laughter ] its tough. Its tough being married to a hilarious comedian. Seth you we were both at the globes. Yeah. Seth you were i was backstage for it. Im sorry. Amazing job, seth meyers. Seth oh, thanks, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] thank you guys. That was not the easiest hosting gig. I thought you absolutely nailed it. Seth i was very happy when it was over. [ laughter ] but i had a great it was an honor to be there. And the real honor was to be there on the night when oprah spoke. That was a speech for the ages. That was my favorite part of your monologue. Seth oh, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thats how i like to get in. I like yeah. Seth i tried to tie myself to oprah. But i had to watch it on a monitor backstage. You were in the crowd for it. What was it like to actually be there for it . Oh, my god, it was just it was goose bumpy. Seth yeah. Im not talking about r. L. Stine goose bumpy. [ light laughter ] it was legit one of the most Amazing Things ive ever witnessed. In person. You could just feel the energy in the room. That we hadnt felt that way since your opening monologue. Seth thanks. Um, no. [ laughter ] it was beautiful. It really made the whole put the whole thing in perspective. And i think, like, her message of empowering people to take a stand and to, you know, grab hold of their own future and destiny was just like inspiring. Seth it was fantastic. There was a party we had a party for everybody who was nominated and people who were in the show i feel like this is a new parent thing that you and your wife did. Well so yeah, this is very new parent. We came at, like we came before the party started. [ light laughter ] so and i dont know where you were. Seth i was not there yet. Yeah. But we were we came we had a hard time getting in. It was like we went into the venue, and, of course, it was just like it was absolutely empty. So, yeah, we had to go off and seth so you didnt stay . You left . We came back. Seth okay. And the second entrance was very cool. [ laughter ] it was like, ah, fashionably late. We had eaten some innout burger. Yeah, nice party, seth. Seth oh, yeah i was like, god, these guys are in no rush to be here. Cool. That worked. It worked then. Seth so you directed the horror movie of the year. Not just the movie of the year, but the horror movie of the year. And you have long been a fan of horror. We back in the day, we saw plenty of horror movies together. Youre a fan of tim burton. Yes, a big fan of tim burton growing up. Seth beetlejuice is a big movie for you . What have you got there . [ light laughter ] seth this is just my taxes. Okay . [ light laughter ] all right, hold on to that. Seth so how old yeah. Seth this is you dressing up as beetlejuice. [ cheers and applause ] pretty great. I used the same costume for garth, from waynes world the next year. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Yeah, so thats you just got me unlaid by my own wife. Seth oh, wow. By showing that. Seth this moved you backwards. This is you laid, and then this i just did this. Yeah. Seth thats great. And thats young to have seen beetlejuice, i feel like. It was yeah, it was it scared me. [ laughter ] she takes the face off. No, it was no, thats one of the things i loved about tim burton, and its that he entertained and scared at the same time. He just has this very specific mix. So hats off to you, tim burton. Seth and Michael Keaton. Just, literally one of the greatest actors alive. Yeah. Amazing performance. I mean, i wonder how Michael Keaton feels that like his entire life he puts amazing performances together, and people must just be like beetlejuice. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] i didnt do the face thing. That was prosthetics. Yeah. Seth he has people say, do the face thing. Yeah, do it, do it. Yeah. Seth you had fantastic actors in your film, as well. Yeah. Seth daniel kaluuya, who is fantatic. Keener, bradley whitford. Mmhmm. Seth and Allison Williams. And Allison Williams was here recently and i heard that she came to you because she needed help with a scene. Yes. So this one day she just she calls me and she says you know, there is a love scene in the movie. Seth yep. Its not like a hot, steamy, sex scene. I would not feel comfortable [ light laughter ] directing that. Thats not my style. But it was like this soft, sweet love scene. And she calls me, and shes like, look, i really need to practice that love scene with daniel, and im going to invite him over. Can you come and, like can we work this out . This was like my worst nightmare. [ laughter ] literally like, okay, so i had to go okay, i have to go to your house and like witness you doing this weird love like direct it . Like, come on. This is yeah, just absolute absolute nightmare. But, okay, im a director now. Im an enigmatic, intelligent director. I have to man up. [ light laughter ] so i went over to the house and, of course, it was a Surprise Party for me. [ audience aws ] seth oh, thats fantastic very sweet. At which point i realized, of course, Allison Williams does not need coaching with love scenes. [ light laughter ] shes fine. Seth she also told me, which sounded fantastic, is that, again, your unique situation, where youre a director, not only an actor, but an incredible sketch performer, as well. That you would sometimes direct, if it called for it, as tracy morgan and sometimes as barack obama. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah. If you need to pick up the room a little bit, you know, you can just feel it. All right, now, and cut [ laughter ] you know. Thats pretty good. [ laughter ] thats pretty good. [ cheers and applause ] i think we can do a little bit better. [ laughter ] lets learn our lines for starters. That would be a big help. And, you know, this is one of the things where its like the audience is ready for this to go to a punch line. [ laughter ] seth well, you can always nah, its just a voice. Seth punch line when would you direct what would be the scene you would need tracy morgan for . Tracy morgan was somehow a more competent director than obama. [ laughter ] all right, stop, lets go hey, lets go everybody, lets good this were going to be moving. Weve got to be there in 60 seconds [ cheers and applause ] weve got to be there. Tracy tracy is a good friend of mine. Hes like a brother to me. Seth and youre producing a show with him, yeah . Im producing a show with him. Starring him, tiffany haddish. Seth oh, fantastic. Cedric the entertainer. Amazing cast. Seth what a great thats incredible. Its on tbs, its called the last o. G. Seth mmhmm. And its a super funny show, and tracy is amazing. And one day this is i was talking to him on the phone, and he was eating something. And hes like, sorry, im eating a ding dong right now. [ laughter ] im like, all right, no problem. And he starts talking to me. He starts all of a sudden he starts coughing violently. I was like [ coughing ] its like, tracy, are you okay . Yeah, yeah. Im tracy morgan. [ light laughter ] survived getting hit by a truck, killed by a ding dong [ laughter and applause ] classic line. Seth well, i cant wait for that. Yeah. Seth i cant wait for everything thats coming next for you. Im just an audience that cant wait for more. Thank you. Seth congratulations on everything this year, jordan. Thank you, man. Seth its just fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] jordan peele, everybody well be right back with Patrick Wilson [ cheers and applause ] keep it comin love. Keep it comin love. Dont stop it now, dont stop it no. Dont stop it now, dont stop it. Keep it comin love. Keep it comin love. Dont stop it now, if you keep on eating, well keep it comin. All you can eat riblets and tenders at applebees. Now thats eatin good in the neighborhood. Gives skin the moisture it needs and keeps it there longer with lockin Moisture Technology skin is petal smooth after all, a cleansers just a cleanser unless its olay. Volunteer at neighborhoodofgood. Com. State farm. The world is not flat. You cant just pinch it or swipe it. Theres a whole world out there and no other card lets you experience it like the platinum card. Backed by the service and security of american express. Resolution 1 binge more. Join the uncarrier, and get four unlimited lines for only forty bucks each. Plus, netflix for the whole family. On us. So, they get their shows. Lets go, girl youre gonna love this bit and you get yours. Watch however you want. On your phone, tablet, or tv. For just forty bucks per line. With no extra charges. Lets rock this joint all on americas best unlimited network, tmobile. If your moderate to severe ulor crohns symptoms are holding you back, and your Current Treatment hasnt worked well enough, it may be time for a change. Ask your doctor about entyvio, the only biologic developed and approved just for uc and crohns. Entyvio works at the site of inflammation in the gi tract and is clinically proven to help many patients achieve both symptom relief and remission. Infusion and serious allergic reactions can happen during or after treatment. Entyvio may increase risk of infection, which can be serious. Pml, a rare, serious, potentially fatal brain infection caused by a virus may be possible. This condition has not been reported with entyvio. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, experience frequent infections or have flulike symptoms or sores. Liver problems can occur with entyvio. If your uc or crohns treatment isnt working for you, ask your gastroenterologist about entyvio. Entyvio. Relief and remission within reach. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Our next guest is an emmy, golden globe and tony awardnominated actor you know his work in fargo and angels in america. He currently stars in the commuter which will be in theaters this friday. Lets take a look. Mike, i want to help you. Youve gotta help me out. If i dont produce results theyre going to pull me out. Now, how many hostages do you have . 15, 20 . All right, just let some go. Whoever you want. How do i know theyll be safe . The hostages . Theres someone i need to protect. Look, if youre worried about someones safety, just send them out with me. Not yet. Seth please welcome back to the show, Patrick Wilson, everyone [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back how are you, man . Seth im great. Im so happy to have you here. Thank you. Seth this movie is very cool in that it basically most of it takes place on a train. On a train, yes. Seth and yet its an action movie. Yes. Seth and there are many action sequences on the train. On the train. Seth including you have a fight scene in a train car. Theres are many fight scenes seth yeah. In said train car. Seth yeah. And whats crazy is there is only one train car. Seth oh, so its like a punch line literally, we shot on a stage in pinewood in england. And you have to build a whole train. But they literally just did one car and then theyd swap everybody out and put in more background and then shoot the next scene. It was i dont know how the director did it. Seth the funny thing, no matter how many times you go on a movie set. Yeah. Seth like, im sure you thought, great, ill be on a whole train. Yeah, no. Seth theyre like, no, thats not how movies work. One car. Seth were just gonna use one car. One car. [ light laughter ] seth i imagine there is an amazing amount of choreography to a fight scene that takes place in a closed space. Yeah, it is, definitely. And one, you dont want to hurt people. Seth yes. And theres because its also like real seats. And, you know, trains arent the most comfortable spaces. Seth yeah. Theres a lot of metal around. Seth yeah. And to shoot it in such a different way to make each fight interesting, is also seth of course, yeah. Oh, another train fight, great. [ light laughter ] youve worked with liam before i have. Seth you were in ateam. We have fought before. Seth oh, you fought in ateam. Yes. Seth you got to fight with liam neeson. Yes, yes i did. Seth how is he . Is he one of the guys large. Hes a large man. Seth he is a large man. He is surprisingly i mean, i know he looks hes a giant. Seth hes one of those guys that looks big in movies and then is somehow even bigger in real life. Yeah, hes like 73. [ light laughter ] seth yeah, is he a guy who swapped out for his stunt double, when it comes time for fights . His stunt double is very short. So its very seth its very hard, yeah. No, he will hell go for it. Seth okay. In fact, i remember this on ateam. When the stunt double usually comes up after a take and says, you know what, you can give it to him a little more. Like he can cause you dont wanna you know, its liam neeson. I mean, i know he does this a lot, but you know, you respect the guy. Seth sure, of course. You dont want to sort of go at it. And then the stunt double comes up and says, give it to him. Seth oh, wow. Yeah, he can take it. Seth all right, well i mean, i believe he can take it. I would be more worried about you. Dont take it the wrong way. [ laughter ] you have another i gotta go. Seth im assuming theres plenty of stunts in youre doing aquaman. I am. Seth you filmed aquaman for six months. Another large man. Seth another large man. Well thats even jason momoa. Yes, yes. Seth he must be 75. He is, hes like 82. [ light laughter ] seth because its great, because when those when you watch the movie, youre like, i wonder who is going to win the fight . Jason momoa or Patrick Wilson . [ laughter ] youre killing me. Seth you play look, i youd beat me in a fight. [ laughter ] you play aquamans half brother. Yes. The smaller, shorter seth orm. Whiter half. Seth your name is orm . My name is orm. Seth thats great. Im a bad ass in that movie. Seth yeah, no. Hes the ocean master. Seth orm sounds like a guy you would be scared by. [ light laughter ] guys, look out, orm is coming hey, guys [ light laughter ] you know whats funny . You know whats funny . We would on my chair cause the chair in the movie i dont know why im referring to the chair. But it would say orm. And wed put tape so it says norm. Which made me even less [ light laughter ] seth when you go under water, you would drop the n. Thats right. Hes awesome. Seth this is really cool. Your kids are 8 and 11. Yes. Seth and your wife, who is also an actor. Yes. Seth the two of you direct youve directed musicals of theirs at school. Yes, we direct the Elementary School musicals. Seth oh, thats so exciting. [ audience aws ] that just must be the best. Now, ive won you back [ laughter ] you thought i was a loser seth we were wrong about orm [ laughter ] he directs musicals [ laughter ] wonderful. Seth who is going to win the fight, aquaman or musical orm . [ light laughter ] hugh jackman has done very well. Seth he has done see. Seth and hes won lots of fights as wolverine. He has. Seth now im going to tune in and does musicals. Seth now im gonna tune into aquaman. Now im not sure whats going to happen. Now you are. Seth no. And so what musicals do you choose for elementary . I will give the props to my wife, dagmara dominczyk, who i love you. [ audience aws ] who is awesome see i won them again seth yeah, you got em back [ light laughter ] yeah yeah, last year, it was we are monsters. And this year it was the same writers, actually, did a musical called giants in the sky. So, we like to pick ageappropriate musicals so its not like a third grader being tevye. Seth oh, thats good. Did was that what you did . Fiddler on the roof reference. Seth did you do when you were young and doing plays, did you ever do ageinappropriate stuff . Oh, thats funny. [ laughter ] not on stage. [ laughter ] yeah. I guess, yeah. Seth are your kids are they in the same musical together at 8 and 11 . No, they werent. Seth okay. Because my they do third, fourth, and fifth grade that are in the musicals. So my youngest had just got in to third grade this year so seth okay, gotcha. Yeah. Seth and are they i mean, i know theyre your kids and you have to say this. Yeah. Seth are they pretty good . They are. They are. [ laughter ] theyre well, we dont you know, its funny. Its like any kid. They dont want to take any direction from their parents. Seth right, of course. So i even had this conversation with my oldest, kalin. Well give him, like, a little note. Like, i got it, i got it, daddy. I got it, i got it. Okay, just let me give you no, no, i got it, i got it. So ive got to teach him, just to, you know, be quiet. Let the director direct. You act. Seth okay, there you go. You your father was also a bit of a celebrity, as well, but different. Yes. Seth from your branch. Yes. Yes. He is a tv anchor for 50 years. Seth wow. Yes. Seth in florida . In florida. Seth okay. My brother took over for him. Seth oh, wow yes. Seth like, immediately after . Yes seth your dad retired and your brother took over . Handed an actual baton. Not really. [ laughter ] seth thats nice for the people of that that area. Tampa bay, yeah. Fox 13 in tampa. Fox seth and so were you when you were a kid, were you very aware that everyone knew because that is such an important part of a community. He was basically ron burgundy without the scotch and women. Seth okay, gotcha. [ laughter ] it was, rum, really. No, hes the best. Yeah, yeah. Seth thats great. And you did grow up with like you know in the 70s and 80s, i mean the local news seth huge deal. Guy was the most famous guy in the area, so i got used to every time going out to dinner, someone would come up, and say, hey, john, how are you doing . Theyd leave, and i would say, daddy, who was that . And hed go, i have no idea. [ light laughter ] seth well, thank you so much for being here, man. Yeah, man. Seth its always a pleasure to see you. Awesome. [ cheers and applause ] seth Patrick Wilson, everybody thank you. Seth the commuter will be in theaters this friday. Well be right back with lewis black. [ cheers and applause ] something inside me has always been there. But now its awake. The force is yours. The last jedi ar stickers only on the google pixel camera. 60 of women are wearing the wrong size pad and can experience leaks discover always my fit. Find the number thats right for your flow and panty size on the top of any always pack. The better the fit, the better it protects. Always. And, and i had to jump out of the way. [screaming] [splash] oh. Hey at least your taxes are free what . with turbotax absolute zero at least your taxes are free youre throwing a rope to me . no, no, no, at least your taxes are free oh that is a Silver Lining he gets it. Did you see that sunset last night . I did. Intuit turbotax. crunching dude, your crunchings scaring the fish. Dude, theyre just jealous. Kelloggs raisin bran crunch. With crunchy clusters and the taste of. Apples and strawberries. I got one i guess were having cereal for dinner. Deliciously hearthealthy kelloggs raisin bran crunch. Even when you know where youre going, it Still Matters how you get there. The lexus line of luxury suvs. Giving you the power to make your own way. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. I see your one, two and three dollar deals. Tell you what, ill raise you five. Introducing value jacks way. Five great ways to save. Like i tell jack jr. , its all about big values, jr. Prices. Thats value jacks way. Like jacks oneofakind breakfast pockets for 2 each. Three of jacks famous tacos and a small drink for 3 or a classic bonus jack combo for 5 its like i tell jack jr. , its all about big values, jr. Prices. [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is a bestselling author and grammywinning comedian. His standup special, black to the future is available now. Hes also about to kick off his new tour the jokes on us. Please welcome back to the show, the always hilarious, lewis black, everybody [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back thank you. Seth how has your year been . Oh, its delightful so far. Seth okay. Just been a joy. Its been a all nine days of it have been its been a tapestry of turds. Seth oh, no. [ laughter ] every day gets better and better, you know. When you start with a bombogenesis. [ light laughter ] because really, what weathermen needed to do was really kind of find a words that we had never heard before. [ light laughter ] to make things that are horrible seem worse. [ light laughter ] really . Like, that made it seem worse than what it was. It was horrific you dont need to come up with some stupid word for that [ light laughter ] how come we never heard the word before . Seth yeah. What, these idiots here in the back room. Hey, what can we say to scare the hell out of em . So then you wake up, and then its like, oh, a snow day, and the next day in this city its 10 degrees, right . But the wind chill it feels like zero. Well then you know what . Then its zero [ laughter ] okay . Thats what it is seth yeah, right. [ applause ] because thats the deal. And you know, when its below 10, then its a snow then it has to be like a snow day. Seth right. [ light laughter ] why . Because you cant think [ laughter ] nobody thinks when its 10 nobody has a thought you dont walk down the street going, you know what i should do with my life . God, its cold [ laughter ] thats why bears bears, which are idiots. They got a brain this big. Theyre smarter than we are. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] they go, you know what . You know what im going to do in this weather . Im going to go back to my cave, im going to touch myself privately. [ laughter ] not in front of anyone, just by myself. And then wake me up in three months. [ laughter ] seth so how you were here right before the election. How do you feel, like how has the first year in office been for trump for you . Woo [ laughter ] its been just a joy every day. I think hes really gotten it together. Dont you . Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] a lot of progress. A lot of stuff is going on. Well, a lot more interesting things than id expected, really. Ooh. I cant do it. I cant keep up with it. Seth yeah. Its hard. Hard you need a staff. [ light laughter ] seth yes. I dont remember what happened two days ago. Seth no, it moves really fast. Fast . [ light laughter ] i came in, and they were telling me stuff that happened this afternoon. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. I didnt i didnt know you know, i mean heres what i think. In todays news cycle, they announce that oprah is thinking of running to be the president. Well, thats what his presidency is like. But that could be a part of the news cycle. Oprah is thinking thats not news [ laughter ] okay . That she had a thought isnt news [ light laughter ] im not thinking of running thats not news either [ light laughter ] seth whether or not oprah runs, it seems like one of the positive things that could maybe happen in 2018 is more women are going to run. Do you think thats a good thing . Yeah. I think its huge. [ cheers and applause ] seth yeah, it is. I dont think the men made much noise. [ laughter ] did you . So you better start making noise [ laughter ] just pretend pretend, you idiots [ cheers and applause ] seth there they are. There they are. No, i think its i think its important. I think i used to believe because im a socialist, that we needed a third party and there should be a socialist party. And let me just say right now, dont write into seth and say, boy, i cant believe you talked about socialism on tv. Not his fault. [ laughter ] okay . And im ashamed of it. [ light laughter ] i know its horrible. But im someone who wants to share my stuff with others. Terrible. Terrible bad, lewis, bad [ light laughter ] so then i thought it should be moderates. Now i do believe the third party should be women. And i hope thats what happens. I hope its the womens party. Because men have really proven in the course of my lifetime, that we dont know what were doing. Seth yeah. [ cheers and applause ] and and then we dont. We dont know how to govern ourselves. And women are more nurturing. And so i think, you know, men are pigs. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] and so its time that i think it should be about 60 40. 60 women, 40 men. Seth yeah, that sounds right. You know . Seth great. I want to but Something Else you actually asked for in 2011. You said in 2011, you did a piece on the daily show about how you thought donald trump should run for president , because you thought we needed a third world dictator type president. Yeah, back then. Seth back then. Back then [ light laughter ] seth and he reached out to you after you is this true . Yeah, he called. His secretary called my assistant. And then my assistant got in touch with me and said, donald trump wants to talk to you. And i went,what . Why . [ light laughter ] and i thought thats idiotic. Whats he want . Whats he bothering me for . And so i you know, okay. I thought about it. And then i had a lot of stuff going on. And i couldnt really and i said, i cant talk to him now. And then after a couple of days, i realized, i had no time to talk to him. And im just a comic. And i had no time to talk to him. He was supposed to be an entrepreneur with a tv show and all sorts of stuff going on. And apparently, he had time to talk to me. I dont have time to talk to him. Whats wrong with this picture . [ light laughter ] and then i thought, i dont want to talk to him, because then and this is what you see this now with him. You know, i didnt want to give him that sense of youre entitled because you pick up the phone, you get to talk to me. Seth so you never talked to him. No seth good [ cheers and applause ] im so glad and im so glad that youre back here. Its always such a pleasure to see you. Its been nice. Seth lewis black, everybody [ cheers and applause ] hes performing in portland, oregon, january 19th and seattle on january 20th and 21st. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] with 33 individual vertebrae and 640 muscles in the human body, no two of us are alike. Life made more effortless through adaptability. The perfect position seat in the lincoln continental. depend silhouette briefs. Feature a comfortable sleek fit. 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[ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to jordan peele, Patrick Wilson, lewis black, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] allison miller, the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] carson whats up everybody, its carson daly. Tonights last call is coming to you from the federal bar. Weve got a great one. Heres what about to hit your