Musical guest fergie. And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 742, ontario. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my man, wow that is a hot crowd right there. A good looking, hot crowd. Great new york city crowd. Welcome, everyone, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it. [ cheers and applause ] you made it, youre here. This is a great night. Its a great show. I love you, too. Heres what people are talking about. Some good news for President Trump. A new poll shows that his Approval Ratings just rose three points. Thats right, its now at four points. [ laughter and applause ] but its steve thats good. Thats not good. Jimmy the u. N. General assembly is still going on. And did you see this . North koreas foreign minister said trumps speech sounded like a dog barking. [ light laughter ] trump didnt respond because he was chasing after a fire truck. [ laughter and applause ] did you really throw my tennis ball or did you fake me out . Okay, throw it this time. [ light laughter ] i saw that trump met with the king of jordan at the u. N. This week. And when they spoke to reporters, trump sounded a a little bit vague. Heres a direct quote. This is real. He said, were working together on many problems and some things that arent problems that are very, very good. [ laughter ] but were going to make some of the bad ones turn out good. [ laughter and applause ] very confusing. He didnt stop there. He went on to say, we want to take the bad problems and make them good, okay . Were looking at all the problems. And when were done, were going to have so many good problems, problems like youve never seen, believe me. [ laughter ] it got really weird. It got even weirder. Steve really . Jimmy it got weirder, because he finally said, problems are bad things that are not good. So we want to turn the bad things into the good, and the good things bad. These problems are going to be so good, theyre not even going to be problems. Not bad, right . All good. No problem. [ cheers and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy what are you talking about . Steve thats insane jimmy all good, bad. All good bad, my bad. [ light laughter ] in an interview today, sean spicer said that he has never knowingly lied to the American People. Then spicer said, starting now. [ laughter and applause ] all right, i lied. I read that trumps longtime bodyguard quit his job this week. Yeah, and we actually here at the tonight show were able to get the job application for a a replacement, for a possible replacement. You can definitely tell that trump wrote the questions. Well, first question is, have you ever guarded a body this beautiful . [ laughter ] steve wow [ laughter ] jimmy heres the next question. Would you occasionally want to perform the duties of president . [ laughter ] wait a second steve wow. Jimmy pretty sure this is for a bodyguard. Steve for a bodyguard . [ applause ] jimmy finally there was, where do you see yourself in five scandals . [ laughter and applause ] thats not a normal check this out guys. Target is letting customers download an indoor map to help them find their way around the store. While if you get lost at costco, they just tell you to forget your old life and move in. [ laughter and applause ] never gonna get out. I also read that taco bell will start serving alcohol at some locations. [ cheers ] so the next time you think that youre having a bad day, imagine the guy who gets cut off by the cashier at taco bell. [ laughter and applause ] sir, i think youve had enough. Guys, we are in week three of the nfl season, and the big sunday night football matchup is between the Washington Redskins and the Oakland Raiders right here on nbc. [ cheers and applause ] washington versus oakland. Now, as you know, at the end of the season they give out the most valuable player award. But they also give out other awards during the season. Sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks, like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. So with that in mind its time for tonight show superlatives. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] tonight show superlatives jimmy our first player is ty nsekhe. Hes an offensive tackle for washington. He was voted most likely to be the love child of lebron james and shrek. [ cheers and applause ] interesting award. Next up for oakland is derek carr. He was voted most likely to be sponsored by sephora eyeliner. Oh thats nice. [ laughter and applause ] thats nice. Steve wow. Jimmy next up for oakland is donald penn. He was voted most likely to crash a sumo match and say, let me show you girls how its done. [ laughter and applause ] next up for washington is matt ioannidis. He was voted most likely to get diagnosed with his own last name. [ laughter and applause ] im so sorry. Ioannidis of the shins. Up next for washington is colt mccoy. He was voted most likely to be a furby after its first haircut. [ laughter ] he looks good. [ applause ] up next for washington is tyler catalina. He was voted most likely to have a permanent Snapchat Rainbow barf face. Wait, wow, i see. [ laughter and applause ] and finally for washington, it is morgan moses. He was voted upside down questlove. There you go, everybody. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show tonight, give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, roots. Thank you. Guys, we have a fun show tonight. Shes debuting her 9 00 a. M. Hour on the today show, monday of next week. Very exciting, yeah. Steve wow. Jimmy its our neighbor. Shes right across the hall. Megyn kelly is stopping by today. [ cheers and applause ] its a big deal. Fun. Steve fun. Jimmy new show at 9 00 in the morning. I love it. Plus, from the lego ninjago movie, dave franco is here. Steve come on [ cheers and applause ] come on, davey franco jimmy plus, the tv debut of fergies new signle, you already know. Fergies here, you guys. Its gonna be good. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy great. The album is called double duchess. You want to hear a taste of you already know . Steve please give me a a taste. [ light laughter ] from the original sexual visual [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah. Get ready for that. Steve come on jimmy fergie is here tonight. Steve fergie [ cheers and applause ] jimmy love fergie love fergie. Shes great. Guys, it is time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go [ cheers and applause ] Hashtags Hashtags jimmy we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to respond to that topic. So since its fall and school just started, i sent out a a hashtag called myweirdteacher. [ light laughter ] i asked you guys to send us your funny, weird, or embarrassing stories about your teacher. We got a huge response. Within 30 minutes it was a a trending topic in the u. S. [ cheers and applause ] so thank you for getting involved. Now, i thought id share some of my favorite myweirdteacher stories from you guys. Here we go. The first is from steveshoe. He says, the day after we turned in drafts of our term papers, the professor wore all black to signify his disappointment in our work. [ laughter and applause ] steve he had to tell them, too. Wouldnt figure that one out for yourself. Jimmy mourning the loss of your grade, yeah. This one is from johnballon. He said, my teacher moved his left hand in circles as he erased the board with his right hand so he would build the muscles evenly. [ laughter and applause ] steve wax on, wax off. Jimmy miyagi. Miyagi, yeah. This one is from tinagiballa. She says, my Homeroom Teacher kept a list on the chalkboard of people who needed prom dates. Steve aw. [ audience aws ] [ applause ] oh. You and gary. Jimmy dereks been up here for [ light laughter ] for three weeks now. So anyone wants anyone. You know anyone who wants to go with derek, or any do you have any pets at home that could maybe go with derek . Just so he doesnt go alone. This one is from leelomaria. She said, my biology teacher handed us back our graded homework. Every paper was maroon. She apparently spilled a bottle of red wine. [ laughter and applause ] steve yoink [ pop ] jimmy this ones from corcorcoran2. He says, if it was your birthday my teacher would draw a cake on the board and ask you to blow out the candles. You just had to stand there and blow on the chalkboard until he said the candles went out. [ laughter and applause ] not yet steve note yet jimmy not yet, keep going. Not yet [ fake crying ] jimmy okay, oh theyre trick candles, theyre back on again. [ laughter ] whats your problem, dude . Steve im in charge jimmy yeah. Im the boss, get it . This ones from hbpalways98. She says, whenever i ask my teacher what were doing today, she says, working hard and suffering greatly, because life is pain. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] steve wow jimmy this ones from mackencheese. Steve ohh, nice. Jimmy i get it. Not bad. Mac n cheese. Steve mac n cheese. Jimmy mac ken cheese. Steve nice one. Jimmy thats a nice one. [ light laughter ] mackencheese. She says, my chemistry teacher had a taxidermied armadillo in the classroom. For a while, it wore a party hat and it was called the partydillo. [ laughter ] steve yeah [ applause ] partydillo raise the roof, derek [ laughter ] jimmy the armadillo said that . Steve yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy this is from raskolnikovsacts. Steve ooh, deep. [ light laughter ] a little crime and punishment. Derek. [ light laughter ] jimmy he says, at the end of a test period, our Science Teacher would respond to our one more sec, one more sec with no more secs [ laughter ] no more secs in this classroom [ applause ] talking to you, derek. Steve yeah. Jimmy this last ones from thedonaldstump. [ light laughter ] he says, my teacher would tell us to work hard in math and science classes, otherwise wed end up as a gym teacher. He was also the gym teacher. Steve oh jimmy there you go. There are your tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Stick around. Well be right back with audience suggestion box. Its really fun. [ cheers and applause ] we are not here to observe, to sit idly by, or watch from the stands. We are here. For one reason. To leave. A mark. Lexus high performance. With 5. 0liter v8s and sport directshift transmissions. Experience a shift in the natural order. Experience amazing. Liz assumed all dressingsrust were made equal. Assume nothing. Just like the leading brands, these kraft dressings are made with high Quality Ingredients, at a price you can feel good about. No wonder kraft is so good. We just got to take it one game at a time. Next question. Odell. Odell. Can you repeat everything you just said . My livestream wont load. blows whistle . Technical foul. Wrong sport. Wrong network. See you need unlimited on verizon its americas largest most reliable 4g lte network. It wont let you down in places like this. Even in the strike zone. laughs . Its the red zone. Pretty sure it is the strike zone. Here use mine. Alright. See you on the court champ. Heads up when it really, really matters you need the best network and the best unlimited. Plans now start at 40 per line for four lines. It s a warning to the United States after President Trump s speech to the un. That story is on our website. Add an army of volunteers has now joined the search in mexico trying to find any more earthquake survivors. Our Damian Trujillo is in mexico city and he s tweeting about the rescue efforts. The 7pointone quake hit tuesday. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. Welcome back. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for watching. As you guys know, were always striving to get better here at the tonight show. Harder better faster stronger [ cheers and applause ] so before every show, we put out a suggestion box for the audience, just to get some feedback, about what you guys think of the show. Things youd like to see us do, that kind of stuff. So tonight lets look inside the audience suggestion box, here we go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this first one is from claire smith. Claire, are you here . Perfect. [ laughter ] steve im sitting in the back, jimmy. Oh wow, all right claire. Jimmy hey claire. She said, hey jimmy, you know those youtube pronunciation videos where they show you a a word, and tell you how to properly pronounce it . Do any celebrities ever do them . Actually, funny you should ask, because tom brokaw makes some of those in his down time. Steve really . Jimmy yeah, and we actually have one. This is tom brokaw take a a look at this. World wide web. [ indiscernible ] willie wonka. D. J. Khalid. Tony shalhoub. [ indiscernible ] worchestire. [ laughter ] jimmy there you go. Its right there, thats it. Its great. [ cheers and applause ] love tom brokaw. Steve wow, love him. Jimmy this one is from at cassandra dinkman. Steve dinkman . Jimmy oh, thats her married name, okay. Steve okay. [ light laughter ] jimmy hey jimmy, its back to school season. I was wondering whats in your backpack . Thats a great question, i have my backpack right here. Whats in my backpack . Oh, just your standard composition notebook. What about you, tariq . Whats in your bag . Uh i have a stapler, and a glue stick, jimmy. Jimmy yeah, thats cool, thats good. Whats in your backpack james . My smaller backpack. [ laughter ] jimmy whats inside of that one . My even smaller backpack. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy whats inside of that one . A tiny little backpack. [ laughter ] jimmy thats a tiny backpack right there. Whats inside that one . Oh, goodness. [ light laughter ] jimmy take a look, open it up what is it, man. [ laughter ] thats a good one. Jimmy greatest hits cd, thats jamess greatest greatest hits, james. Its his greatest hits cd. All his hits. [ applause ] steve thats what he keep thats what he keeps in his tiny backpack . Jimmy all those hits on one c compact disc. Steve one cd. Jimmy yep. Steve they all fit on one cd. [ laughter ] thats what he keeps in his tiny backpack. Wow. Jimmy this one is from ron bell. Hey jimmy, it seems like no one knows how to pronounce the sparkling water lacroix. is that true, or is it just me . You know, ive always thought it seemed hard to pronounce too. So we did an experiment. We sent our writer, arthur, down to the street to ask people about lacroix sparkling water, but we had him pronounce it differently each time to see if they would notice. Check it out. [ cheers and applause ] lacroix oh croix croix croix have you heard of lacrox . No. Yeah, its a lot of people are drinking it. Have you have you ever tried l. A. Crois . Ive tried one flavor. Do you think you ever might try laqua . I would love to try a laqua. Have you had lacroex before . I have tried it, yes. Yeah, have you ever tried lalacrosha . Yes. And then in london, do a lot of people drink lacroixoioi . I have never heard of it, but it looks interesting. A lot of people are drinking l. A. Croiten. Oh, okay. And what about los angeles kroi . Love it. Have you heard anyone talking about la chew chew . No. Oh, okay. So what is your favorite flavor of lach . Um, the orange one and the lemon. Have you ever had this one before, the l. O. L. Clowns . Heard of it, but i have not had it. Do you think youll ever try da crunks . I probably will now. Have you ever tried little crud boy . Yeah. [ light laughter ] have you heard a lot of people talking about lacolorcarowashayshush . Yeah, i love lacroix. Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy lacolorcarowashayshush. [ cheers and applause ] steve little crud boy. I love little crud boy. Jimmy little crud boy, man. Steve yeah. Jimmy actually, speaking of lacroix, i wonder if tom brokaw has a a pronunciation video for us. Steve how would you have it down right there . Lacroix. Jimmy oh, there it is. Steve yeah, there you go. [ applause ] jimmy this last one here is from easton broom. Hi, jimmy, have you heard of the group black simon and garfunkel . You know, the black version of simon and garfunkel . Can you have them on the show . Its funny you mention that, because i was last night i was having a nightcap, uptown, at bongos playhouse. And they showed up to perform a a song. Steve really . Jimmy they really are spectacular. Steve theyre fantastic. Jimmy so ladies and gentleman, here to perform a a song from their selftitled album, featuring a special surprise guest. Please welcome black simon and garfunkel. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy guys whenever youre ready. Shes got me spending spending all my money on her and all my time on her shes got me spending spending all my money on her on her [ cheers and applause ] what you gonna do with all that junk all that junk inside your trunk imma get get get you drunk get you love drunk off my hump what you gonna do with all ass all that ass inside your jeans imma gonna make make make you scream make you scream make you scream my humps my humps my humps my humps my humps my humps my humps my humps my lovely lady lumps check it out [ cheers and applause ] lie la lie lie la la la lie lie lie la lie lie la la la la lie la la lie [ cheers and applause ] jimmy give it up for black simon and garfunkel and fergie [ cheers and applause ] megyn kelly joins us after the break. Stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] a Millie Dresselhaus doll happy birthday, sweetie oh, millies. Trick or treat were so glad to have you here. What if we treated great female scientists like they were stars . Yasss queen what if Millie Dresselhaus, the first woman to win the National Medal of science in engineering, were as famous as any celebrity . [Millie Dresselhaus was seen having lunch today. ] [. Rumors of the new discovery. ] what if we lived in a world like that . crowd applauding we know a place thats already working on it. Woman so this happened. Nikki picked up some limearitas and thats when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. We started hanging a disco ball but then the ball reminded ava of her sequined dress. Now we have two disco balls. Limearita. Make it a margarita moment. Lc Lauren Conrad sweatersnt are just 36. 99 sonoma denim is 19. 99 and save on shoes and handbags. Plus, take an extra 20 off when you spend 100 or more youll get kohls cash too kohls. Hello moto. Its time to reimagine the smartphone. Snap on a speaker. A projector. A camera that actually zooms. Get excited world. The new moto z with moto mods. Get a moto z play for only 10 a month. No tradein required. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are joined right now, by a New York Times best selling author, and highly regarded journalist who is now a part of the family here at nbc. Monday morning she premieres her 9 00 a. M. Hour on the today show called megyn kelly today. Say hello to our new neighbor, megyn kelly, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you brought me a pie . I brought you a pie, now that were neighbors. A little house warming gift. Jimmy oh my i see, thats very nice of you. I had no idea what to get you, because i want to see what you need. We really are i mean this was we really are neighbors. Youre going to be so right across the way. Jimmy youre going to be so annoyed by me by the end of the [ light laughter ] i mean we do are you going to be like a a Gladys Kravitz . Jimmy oh yeah. Ill just keep in the bathrobe looking out, with the curlers. What . Whats she doing . Jimmy keep popping over, and going, what are you talking about today . Whats happening . Yeah, uh. [ light laughter ] i wanted to get you we were talking. I go, do you need anything . Like a set a headphones, do you want a sound system . You were like, no im good. I dont need you go, maybe a candle. Then i go, thats so personal a candle. cause then, i dont want to get you something and you go like, that smells awful. So i go, maybe ill give you the candle i have a candle. This is the one from my dressing room. [ laughter ] its used. Its used, but smell it, see if you like it. Ill take it. Jimmy its like burnt firewood. Oh, its awesome. Jimmy its pretty good right . Wow, it does smell like burnt firewood exactly. Jimmy yeah, but in a great way. And we were from upstate new york. Were both from upstate. We had a lot of days smelling that stuff there. Jimmy shout out to albany, new york. Yeah, absolutely. The tundra. Jimmy yes yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right, so i will get you a brand new one. Thank you. Thank you. Jimmy or you can have the used one too. That one was recently burnt. I can smell it. Jimmy this is recently yeah. Its still warm. I dont know what you were doing backstage, but jimmy oh, well, we have snoop dog was on the next sh no. Im just kidding. [ laughter ] i have breaking news. [ light laughter ] jimmy what are what is your show going to be like . Because i came in, you had all these test shows this week, and i barged in on one of them just to bother you. That was fun. Jimmy oh, no i loved it. Hes a class a classy act, because he comes in without any warning, and just surprised our practice audience, and of course, they loved him, and he stayed and very generous of you. Jimmy but i want to say the set is so cool. The set is gorgeous. Jimmy i mean, are you excited putting this together . I i cant wait. I really cant wait to just launch the show, and start doing the show, and as you know, having done this show and the other jimmy yeah. Its going to take us a a while im sure, to sort of get from a walk to a run, but we feel good about it. And the point of the show is to provide some connection in a a disconnected world. To you know, how were all feeling so divided as a a country . Jimmy yeah. You feel it, right . Jimmy yeah, of course. I know, i feel it, and i want to do something that makes people feel less divided, and maybe even unified, and maybe like they had fun, and learned something, and were inspired. And at the end of the hour, feel like, yes yes, im going to go do that, or yes im so glad i watched that. Jimmy see thats and is it going to start off with you or are you going to enter . cause what i saw it was the choreography . Jimmy well, i have a lot of questions. Yeah, because i dont know if i saw the set, but its moved around a lot, and so i know you had like, Different Things that wont be there. So i realize now jimmy there was a pole there, by the way, the other day. Dont im not going to talk about the pole. Jimmy okay, alright, alright, alright. I maybe dont use the pole. I saw that. Lets just say jimmy i go, thats not going to last. My mother was there that day, and im not going to say any more about my mom, and that pole. Jimmy wait, but your mom your mom is going to be on the show . My mom my moms name is linda, and if youve read my book, you know shes the heroine of my life, but shes also just a very colorful character. My mom who got a tattoo at age 70, and dyed her hair pink. Jimmy what . Yeah, i know. Jimmy no way . [ cheers and applause ] at 70, theres a rosary on her foot. [ light laughter ] i think meeting linda is going to explain a lot about me to everybody. Jimmy meeting linda, yeah. Its our new friend, linda. Yeah, absolutely. She will humble you too. Thats going to be the name of the segment. Jimmy i know things will change as the show progresses. You have to change things, always. Constantly, you have to change. But are you going to ask questions of the audience . Because you were doing that. Yeah. Jimmy you will talk to the audience . Yes, yes jimmy are you comfortable doing that . Actually, thats been the part of our show where i let the audience ask me questions, has been one of the favorite pieces of the practice shows going back for a couple of weeks now. And its fun, like their their energy has infused me, and vice versa. Jimmy yeah. So, ive been loving using them. I feel like the audience, so if you come over to my show, im going to make you work. [ cheers and applause ] theyre my cohosts. Theyre my cohosts. Jimmy yeah. So, youre going to mix with its going to be like, a mix of like dr. Oz, and oprah, and donahue and everything or what . Oh, i like the way you make it sound. Jimmy i do i love that stuff. We dr. Oz was our neighbor for a long time. We used to bother him all the time. I dont think i dont think you can think like that. cause you cant as you know. Jimmy cant just take one thing. Sitting at this desk. You cant try to imitate anybody. Jimmy you got to be you. You got to be you, right . So its going to be me, but i love all the people you just mentioned. Donahue, he and i just had lunch actually, not long ago. Jimmy no way. I met him for the first time. Jimmy oh, i love sharp as a tack, i mean, who could forget him with the mic and the face and all that. Jimmy oh, i love him. I love his wife. So hopefully well be doing a little bit of that. Jimmy oh, great. He must have given you great advice. Oh hes just i remember that show. Of course, i love oprah, and all those people, but i im going to be me. Jimmy you have to be you. I will be my authentic self. Jimmy yes, you have to be you, and thats why people will watch. [ cheers and applause ] but its a mixture of guests. I know youre having on next monday is it monday, this coming monday. Monday we have the whole cast of will and grace and the show creators live. Jimmy i mean, come on. Live. Jimmy thats great. [ cheers and applause ] then weve got the cast of this is us. Do you watch this is us . Jimmy yes. Yes. Jimmy were crying already. The whole cast together on tuesday. I know. Jimmy were crying already. I was so irritated by all the this is us press. I was like, what is it with this show, just shut up already, and then i watched it. I was like, oh, my god, oh, my god, me too. I have to meet them. Jimmy its the best show. Oh, people are freaking out. I cant wait for that. The ladies of snl. You may be familiar with them. Jimmy see, come on. [ cheers and applause ] yes. Jimmy congratulations to kate mckinnon, just won a emmy award. Shes coming on. I cant wait. Im going to make her do her hillary. Jimmy so yeah she has to. Yeah jimmy so youre having those guys on, but then also, youre having a nun on mondays show . Monday. Jimmy sister donna from chicago. Now explain what you will fall in love with sister donna. Jimmy i will. Guaranteed, and if you dont, theres something wrong with you. [ light laughter ] jimmy now how did you find her . So sister donna was working in a disadvantaged neighborhood in ohio, and she didnt find it challenging enough. So she asked for a more difficult assignment. So they sent her to the south side of chicago, and now she is in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in america, where she says six or seven people in her neighborhood get shot and killed a week. Six or seven. Jimmy wow. She is helping young boys stay on the right path and get in school, and go get jobs, and then shes helping their moms. Moms who have lost kids to gun violence, and moms whos kids have committed it. And this woman, this little 77yearold nun is actually changing and saving lives in chicago. Well, anyway, youll meet her. Youll love her. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah. I loved her so, youre going to do both of those things, im looking forward to this. Its going to be its going to be fantastic. And were here for you. So, if you need anything, id like to be a gentleman now, and ill walk you over to your set so you can back to work. Oh, it is nighttime, so that i dont know how safe it is. Jimmy yeah, therell be no one there. Thank you. Jimmy yeah, ill walk you right over here. Megyn kelly everybody. [ cheers and applause ] megyn keely today premieres monday at 9 00 a. M. Set your dvrs. Here on nbc. Dave franco joins us next. See you after the break. [ cheers and applause ] you like that candle or no . I do, i love it. Jimmy not bad, right . I genuinely love it. Jimmy right there. This is exciting [ cheers and applause ] where do you want to go next . Only the Platinum Card gives you more reasons to go anywhere and everywhere. Earn rewards like never before with 5 times points on flights, from american express. Because theres always more world, theres platinum. Backed by the service and security of american express. Because theres always more world, theres platinum. 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The best things in life theyre free stars belong to everyone they cling there for you and for me flowers in spring the robins that sing the sunbeams that shine theyre yours and their mine love can come to everyone the best things in life theyre free [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you know our next guest from his roles in 21 jump street and neighbors, and now he voices the green ninja in the lego ninjago movie which hits theaters tomorrow. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome dave franco. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, welcome back. Nice to see you buddy. Good to be here, man. [ cheers ] jimmy dave congratulations, you are a a married man . Yeah, thats true. Jimmy hey, thats fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Jimmy hey thats awesome, i didnt know. Thanks, man. Jimmy you youre married to alison brie. Correct. Jimmy who is phenomenal, was just on our show. And shes fantastic in glow. Tell her i said, hi. Absolutely, shes the best. Everyone check out glow if you havent already. Its like, the greatest show, and im not i am biased, but its also true. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, yeah. Yeah, no, were not here to talk about your wifes show. Yes, yes. Jimmy but shes great in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Dude, im just happy youre here. You said before though before you were married, you were totally in love with your cats. And you have you had an obsess youre obsessed with your cats. Yeah, i dont know when i became the quirky cat guy. My friends who i grew up with, they constantly remind me to stop bringing up my cats in every single interview. [ light laughter ] jimmy but you cant stop it. I cant stop, i mean, theyre just a huge part of my life. I mean jimmy what are their names . Harry and arturo. And at one point in my life, i was the single guy with two 16 pound cats. [ laughter ] and that def 16 pounders. Yeah. Jimmy 16 pound cats. Here they are just hanging out. [ audience aws ] 16 pound cats. And that yeah, it definitely weeds out like, a a lot of potential dating partners. cause not a lot not a lot of women are, like, excited to dive into a relationship with a a guy who sleeps with 32 pounds of cat on top of him every night. [ laughter ] jimmy 16 pounds. Thats not even a cat, thats like a small dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimmy thats what they are, theyre not cats. We call them the small panthers, yeah. Jimmy yeah, they are panthers, yeah. But, alison loved them . Alison loves them, thank god. So that was i mean, she was the only one. She was really my only option so [ laughter ] yeah. Jimmy you told a funny story. I dont know if you want to tell it out here. But that, she was being nice, she threw you a Surprise Party . Yeah, so, when we first started dating my birthday came up, like, three months into the relationship, and she decided to throw me a Surprise Party. Which was very sweet. She put a lot of effort into it, but the guest list got a a little out of control where, like, you know, my managers assistant sisters best friend was there. And like, if you know me, im a a pretty private person, and i dont like to be the center of attention. And so i freaked out. And to alleviate my anxiety i decided to consume a weed cookie. And [ light laughter ] it had the opposite effect, where i ran downstairs and had the first panic attack of my life. And so, im downstairs, im telling alison, get everyone out of here, and it was the 80s themed party and so jimmy it was 80s themed party Surprise Party . 80s themed, yes. Jimmy so you couldnt even recognize people even if you knew them . [ light laughter ] well that wasnt the problem, the problem was, that the only person without a ride home was a guy dressed as cocaine. And, uh [ laughter ] jimmy how do you dress like cocaine . All white, wrapped in saran wrap or something. So im downstairs literally throwing up and throwing a a tantrum, while cocaine is upstairs raiding our fridge. So [ laughter ] alison had alison and i, we we still talked about how we survived my Surprise Party. We can surprise or, we can survive anything, yeah. Jimmy and were all worried is cocaine all right . Cocaine seems to be okay, yeah. Jimmy all right. Just want to make sure cocaine made it home safe. You have two older brothers, right . Yeah. Jimmy james, who we just had on the show. Yeah. Jimmy and then tom, i i dont know. Tom franco, yes. Jimmy yeah, and how and so youre the youre the smallest . They are i am physically the smallest, but also the youngest, um, thank you for bringing that up. Jimmy sorry, no problem. [ laughter ] they are five and seven years older than me, yes. Did they pick on you growing up . Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jimmy yeah. What would they do . Give me, like, a real real mean thing they did. They had i mean, it wasnt horrible, but they had their own unique forms of torture. Like, uh i always do one voice crack a talk show. [ laughter ] i always get that one in. [ cheers and applause ] all right. Lets jimmy i wasnt going to bring up i wasnt going to bring it up, but you are you are the smallest. [ laughter ] and the cutest, come on. Isnt he cute and small . [ cheers and applause ] youre not small. Youre normal, you look great. I love the voice crack. I wasnt going to say nothing. Thank you. Jimmy but that was a great voice crack. Lets hope another doesnt happen. I dont want my average to go up. Jimmy no, yeah, no, its good. Its very consistent, yeah. So, what were we talking about . [ light laughter ] jimmy what did they do to you . What howd they torture you . So, they would they would zip me up fully, in a sleeping bag and then tickle torture me from the outside. [ light laughter ] so, im kicking and screaming, and its literal torture, and they happen to be the greatest ticklers of all time. So, that was that was something. And then jimmy laughing and crying exactly. Jimmy from inside the sleeping bag. Exactly. Jimmy i want to talk about this movie, lego ninjago. Yeah. Jimmy these lego movies are fantastic. So good, so good. Jimmy i saw the first lego movie made me laugh. I loved it it was so creative. And the lego batman one. Thats all my kids watch. Really . Jimmy yeah, i mean, we we love it, cause its jokes we get too. Exactly, they jimmy finally, not dora. And so [ laughter ] but its really well written. Theres a clever like tricky stuff thats even over our heads. They sometimes they somehow find a way to make the humor appeal equally to, like, my nephews who are under the age of five as they do to us. And i dont know how they pull that off, but yeah. Jimmy theyre great movies. Theyre well written, well done. And who do you play in the movie . I play, lloyd, who is a a tortured High School Kid by day, because everyone knows his dad is the most evil man on the planet. And then at night, hes the green ninja, and he helps protect his city. But no one knows hes the green ninja. So, he doesnt get any of the glory. So its like, this really tragic shakespearean character. And like, weirdly, its the most complex character ive ever played. I dont know what that says about my career but [ laughter ] its, like jimmy the lego movie is your most complex [ laughter and applause ] but i love Justin Therouxs in the cast. Mmhmm. Jimmy and gosh, hes funny. But he he calls you. Lalloyd. Lalloyd, because lloyd as everyone knows, has two ls in it. And thank goodness for the other l. [ light laughter ] or else i probably would have called you just lloyd. Yeah, but so he calls you lalloyd. Lalloyd, yes. And that was a justin that was an improv, he just came up with that on the spot. And its one of the best jokes in the movie, yeah. Jimmy i want to show a a clip. Heres dave franco in the lego ninjago movie. Take a look at this. Im sick and tired of you trying to conquer ninjago. All right, green ninja now listen, just calm down. You dont have to use that thing. So, youre going to leave ninjago . Yeah. Forever . I promise. What are you why is your hand behind your back . What are you doing back there . Are you crossing your fingers . Thats physically impossible. How could i be crossing my fingers . I have these things. Im warning you garmadon. Fine, no crossies. No, crossies. Just chill okay look, im getting rid of all my sharks. See . No sharks. And the sharks in your ankle holster . I dont have any sharks. Whats in your ankle . Its a couple dolphins, man. Now youre acting loco, i mean this is hey, get rid of em. Fine. You happy now . Im done, you win. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its so fun, its so many jokes. Dave franco, everybody. The lego ninjago movie hits theaters tomorrow. Well be right back with a a performance by fergie. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] we just got to take it one game at a time. Next question. Odell. Odell. Can you repeat everything you just said . My livestream wont load. blows whistle . Technical foul. Wrong sport. Wrong network. See you need unlimited on verizon its americas largest most reliable 4g lte network. It wont let you down in places like this. Even in the strike zone. laughs . Its the red zone. Pretty sure it is the strike zone. Here use mine. Alright. See you on the court champ. Heads up when it really, really matters you need the best network and the best unlimited. Plans now start at 40 per line for four lines. Whatd ya think . Were almost there. Um, on the jingle though, brad, i want to feel it right here. Hmmhmm. Like here, in the chest . No, no, your heart. Heart. In your heart. Hmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmmhmm. Yes close. Close. Were almost there. Almost. I basically got it, right . Basically, almost. But youre doing great. What did i just get into . Hmm . Nothing. The all new 2018 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. So, i was at mom and dads and found this. Cds, baseball cards. Your old magic set . And this wrestling ticket. Which you still owe me for. Seriously . 25 . I didnt even want to go. Ahhh, your diary. Mom says its totally natural. 25 is nothing. Abracadabra, bro. The bank of america mobile banking app. The fast, secure and simple way to send money. Ohns disease. Youre more than just a bathroom disease. Youre a life of unpredictable symptoms. Crohns, youve tried to own us. But now its our turn to take control with stelara® stelara® works differently for adults with moderately to severely active crohns disease. Studies showed relief and remission, with dosing every 8 weeks. Stelara® may lower the ability of your immune system to fight infections and may increase your risk of infections and cancer. Some serious infections require hospitalization. Before treatment, get tested for tuberculosis. Before or during treatment, always tell your doctor if you think you have an infection or have flulike symptoms or sores, have had cancer, or develop any new skin growths, or if anyone in your house needs or recently had a vaccine. Alert your doctor of new or worsening problems, including headaches, seizures, confusion, and vision problems. These may be signs of a rare, potentially fatal brain condition. Some serious allergic reactions can occur. Do not take stelara® if you are allergic to any of its ingredients. Were fed up with your unpredictability. Remission can start with stelara®. Talk to your doctor today. Janssen wants to help you explore cost support options for stelara®. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy she is an eight time grammy award winner whose new album double dutchess and visual album, double dutchess, seeing double are both out now. Performing, you already know, give it up for fergie. [ cheers and applause ] lifes a movie let the camera roll fast life moving aint no going slow thats right baby you already know you already know hope you are ready ready steady steady rocking let it go get bold i just cant hold back and forth cause im the girl with soul in control in effect so what the heck rock the discotheque cause this groove is the next tease on the camera freeze while i animate im no amateur im a laminate im assassinate all the imitates then im a take a break and meditate let me think about it put my little noodle on a problem then i drink about it drink a little swig a little sip a little spill a little feel a little loopy when i get a little tipsy thieves got me feeling like a gypsy smoking on a hooka got me feeling like a hippee trippy gone for a minute yup you miss me now fergie back with a bag full of trixies lifes a movie let the camera roll fast life moving no going slow thats right baby you already know you already know hope you are ready ready steady steady rocking this is how we do this is how we do this is how we do this is how we do come get some you little bums dudes want the cake but they cant get a crumb from the original sexual visual dope chick and all that good charismatic when im at it when i add it up im mathamatic baby top game im out the attic there you have it no dramatics hold the static pose for the camera daddy im voguing baby im glamorous center folding grammys and amas im holding amazing the way i keep it frozen cool thats true got new shoes and a new attitude got my hair did got a new hair do come and see me at a venue near you i said watch me i said watch me when i drop it just watch and learn baby watch and learn baby its hot it burns so i drop it oh baby watch me when i drop it you didnt know i could drop it like that did you you didnt know i could drop it like that did you lifes a movie let the camera roll fast life moving aint no going slow thats right baby you already know you already know hope you are ready ready steady steady rocking this is how we do this is how we do this is how we do this is how we do this is how we do this is how we do this is how we do this is how we do [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, thats how you do it right there, fergie. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. Double duchess is out now. Well be right back, everybody. Oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] at Stanford Health care, we can now repair complex aortic aneurysms without invasive surgery. If we can do that, imagine what we can do for varicose veins. And if we can precisely treat eye cancer with minimal damage to the rest of the eye, imagine what we can do for glaucoma, even cataracts. If we can use dna to diagnose the rarest of diseases, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. Imagine what we can do for you. Imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. Dilike, outside dirt,. Thats not a bad thing. Also, it comes off. Inside dirt, yeah. Thats way different. But now theres a more powerful chevron with techron. Yeah. It has even more cleaning power to clean up deposits left by low quality gas. And cleaning up deposits restores lost gas mileage. Its legit. Now with more cleaning power. Chevron with techron. Care for your car. Nice hat [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to megyn kelly, dave franco, fergie, once again. [ cheers and applause ] double duchess. And the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] youre doing the today show tomorrow. Stay tuned for the today show tomorrow. But first, watch seth meyers. Thanks for watching, have a a great night. Hope to see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight emma stone from the mick, actress kaitlin olson. Music from blondie. Featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, everybody. Im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] great to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. Former White House Press secretary, sean spicer, said in an interview today that he never knowingly lied to the American People while in office. Oh, really . Then how do you explain this
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