Transcripts For KGO Jimmy 20240704

[ cheering and applause ] jimmy hi, everybody. Thank you so much. Im jimmy. Im the host. Thank you. Thank you for watching. Thank you for coming. Well, i got to tell you something. Well, if you guys are happy now, wait until you see what i have to show you. Just when you think youve seen donald trump at his trumpiest, he shows up at a funeral and sets a new world record. For ridiculousness. Fiberace flew to North Carolina this weekend to attend a Memorial Service for one of his biggest fans, diamond of diamond and silk, remember these two . They loved donald trump. Well, diamond passed away a couple of weeks ago, leaving behind a family, friends, and hundreds of videos praising the man who showed up to return the favor. Trump appeared before a sitting roomonly crowd. 150 mourners gathered to hear him speak about their beloved diamond. And he almost did. He almost spoke about her. Trump rattled on for 44 minutes. He covered a wide range of topics, including nafta, tax cuts, crowd size, illegal immigration, the election, why they dont put melania on magazine covers anymore, the space force. It was quite a performance and he got it in just before tomorrow when the Oscar Nominations come out. Inflation a death sentence for a country. You just can look back over the last 200 or 300 years, and you look at what inflation has done to many other countries. It is an absolute death sentence. But your sister diamond was taken from us much too soon. [ laughter ] jimmy Inflation Inflation killed diamond . I dont know. And by the way, were just Getting Started ive done a tremendous amount of work for the African American population, the black population. And i always ask, what do you like better, African American, black, you know, there is many different terms. They said we like black. We like black. Because i was always saying African American. But many people said we like black. Jimmy dr. Martin luther king jr. s dream has finally come true. It was more of a melogy than a eulogy. It was entirely about donald trump. He even managed to somehow work in a story about nbc begging him to sign on for more seasons of the apprentice. When i did the apprentice, it became the number one show on television, and it did well for years. And then i said im going run for president , and they said no, please. And the head of nbc came, head of Reality Television came, they all came to my office to try and get me to sign a fiveyear contract. Three years, five years, well do whatever you want to do. I said no, you can get somebody else. And they recommended Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now Arnold Schwarzenegger is a big movie star, right . Well, he did really poorly. He got no ratings. That thing was a disaster. Well, they got martha, too, right . Martha stewart. They put her in there. That was a disaster. Jimmy anyway, back to the deceased. Who we miss so dearly. This speech had all the sincerity and grace you could possibly expect from a man who buried the mother of his children at the 16th hole of his golf course. And the craziest thing is i bet he thinks it went great. I bet he feels like he just won a soul train award. Make America Great again. Its such a great there has never been a phrase like that. I think it was when people said what . Because i do nicknames for people. Probably a lot you have heard this, crooked hillary and so many others, low energy. Remember low energy . I mean we can go through the whole pocahantas. She said she was an indian. So i called her pocahantas. And everyone said oh, thats terrible. That person was our president , okay . This is a funeral. 44 minutes of this it was like a tone def comedy jam. Perhaps most famously, she said we classy and we sassy, but if you cross us, things may get nassy. Jimmy i think we just found his new campaign slogan. [ applause ] we classy, we sassy. Could we see that one more time, please . We classy and we sassy, but if you cross us, things may get nassy. Jimmy ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your countrys nassy ass. By the way, trump wasnt the only notable to show up at the service. Diamond got a considerably more emotional tribute from the my pillow guy you are looking down from heaven, and youre giving us courage to keep going in this spiritual battle of biblical proportions to save our country and move and move forward in the greatest revival for jesus christ in history. We love you, diamond jimmy use promo code ripdiamond for 20 off a mypillow pet bed. [ applause ] wow. Meanwhile, con man i mean congressman George Santos is hotter than ever thanks to this video, that either does or does not confirm he was at one time a drag queen in brazil. Jimmy wow. He may lie, but those hips dont, i tell you that. This is some story. Reports say santos drag name was kitara ravache. And on saturday, the artist formerly known as kitara actually answered a question for once. Congressman, were you ever a drag queen in brazil . No, i was not a drag queen in brazil, guys. I was young and i had fun at a festival. Sue me for having a life. Jimmy come on, guys. He was young and he had fun at a festival. Thats going to be my excuse from everything from here on. I was young and i had fun at a festival. I dont know. And what a great position the republicans are in on this. Fox news, i dont know if any of you watch, but they spend every night railing against drag shows, like there is some epidemic. Now theyve gotta suck it up and stand by curious boy george. Over on the other side, another new batch of classified items were found at joe bidens house. How big is this house . This is a three bedroom house in suburban delaware. Is there an underground bat cave we dont know about . Where are they finding all this stuff . A spokesman for the feds said, the f. B. I. On friday executed a planned, consensual search of the president s residence in wilmington. I like that they use the word consensual. Thats a little nut shot at trump, right . For 13 hours, investigators searched every inch of bidens house, every safety bar in every bathroom, his phone book collection, his pill organizer boxes, the horn on his victrola, they even took the plastic off his loveseat. No hard candy dish was left unturned. And theyre comin for his box of polident next speaking of old, this thursday, january 26th, will be our 20th anniversary on the air. [ cheering and applause ] thank you very much. We have been on since 2003. We have a special show in prime time on thursday to celebrate. 20 years is a long time. Weve had many highs and lows along the way. And well bring you some of the lows on thursday, but tonight, i thought it might be fun to look back at one of the highs. This is one of my favorite days. This aired on november 13th, 2017, which was my 50th birthday. And the staff wrote and shot this in secret as a gift for me. When i was around 9 or 10 years old, i drew this comic book, okay . This is a comic book i drew. Oh, hold it here . You dont have to say aww. Awww, you were a sad little boy, werent you. This is like my fantastic four, the terrific ten. The main heroes are muscle man there in the yellow. He wore a crown. He is the king of super heroes. And then there is color kid. Color kid had all the powers of the rainbow, there is color kid, which are none, by the way. There was a leprechaun named lucky lad. All these different characters. This is the bad guy right there, dr. Bolton, some of his hench people. And the terrible 10 including bleach master, which was a box of bleach with an ax. I was a strange and lonely boy. So anyway, my staff asked j. J. Abrams to direct a movie adaptation of this comic book using the dialogue from the comic book that i wrote as a kid. So here it is, the trailer for the greatest superhero story never told, the terrific ten. Enjoy. Between the terrific and the terrible. Soon youll all be under my control. Sources confirm the super villain known as dr. Bolt is plotting to literally destroy the earth and wishes to invite muscleman to do battle now. Whats the plan, muscleman . Assemble the team, super duck. Top speed. Thats the only speed. We are the terrific ten. Color kid, my sidekick. Color me ready super duck release is quacken. Spire, god of weapons. Who wants to go clubbing . Mirgiv, god of wonders. Abracadabra, youre abra cadead. Meinstrom, god of weather. Its going to be cloudy with a chance of justice. Bendolite. Alls well that bends well. Lucky lad. Feeling lucky . Super sal. Silent but deadly. Laser lass. Im the lady one. And me, muscle man, king of the superheroes. I am a man, with muscles. Dr. Bolt, i got your invitation. I hope you dont mind. I brought a plus nine. Your power is over. Oh, boy. This control activates my atomic bomb, which can destroy the entire earth. Well, then, dont hit that button. My dominance over you and now i shall unleash the most terrible of my terrible ten. Behold, the bleach master whats up . Really, a box of bleach . Oh, and youre so great . What do you have the power of, a gym membership . Hes got multiple gym memberships. Im sorry, remind us again what your power is . Have i all the powers of the rainbow. Oh, so what . You eat skittles . I put smiles on peoples faces, okay, man . Uh, okay. Wait, whats happening . And what about super duck . He super suck. No, i dont. I can fly. What about leprechaun elvis over there. What does that mean . Makes you look stupid. Quiet, please. I look like a yoga instructor. Boned a claw machine. Im a box of bleach. Shut up shut up we all suck. You know why . We were created by a weird, sad kid. Who grew to later become a weird fat man. [ bleep ] you [ cheering and applause ] i mean, he didnt even draw us genitalia. [ laughter ] jimmy anatomically correct. All right. We have a good show for you tonight. The new bachelor, zach is here with us tonight. Weve got music from lukas graham. And well be right back with David Duchovny. So stick around. Abcs Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by audi. To look good. Its built to command attention. Its not just a comfortable interior. Its a quiet refuge. Theyre not just headlights. They light the way forward. The new fully electric audi q8 etron models. Its the birthday girl lets invite jacques lets not invite jacques whoa sure, he struggles on Conference Calls but hes such a dedicated employee. Youre right. Hey jacques come join us ohh hm, some strong winds. New emergenc crystals pop and fizz when you throw them back. And who doesnt love a good throwback . [sfx video game sound] new emergenc crystals. Throw it back. vo crabfest is back at red lobster. New emergenc crystals. When you can choose your crab, and one of three new flavors like roasted garlic butter. This is not your grandpas crabfest. Unless grandpas got flavor. Dayumm crabfest is here for a limited time. Welcome to fun dining. Sometimes jonah wrestles with falling asleep. So he takes zzzquil. The worlds 1 sleep aid brand for a better night sleep. So now, he wakes up feeling like himself. The reigning family room middleweight champion. Better days start with zzzquil nights. The cost of homeownership has been a struggle. [ violin playing] with utility prices rising sweetie, can you practice that somewhere else . [ voice breaking ] the good news is, new customers who bundle and save with progressive save over 20 on average. [ sobbing ] sorry. Shes just really good at that. Deion here you go. Deion ooh i told you. Group hey, devin jimmy hi there. Welcome back. Tonight from the bachelor right here on abc, the bachelor Zach Shallcross is with us. [ cheering ] later, a band from copenhagen, denmark, their album, 4 the pink album , just came out last week. Lukas graham featuring Mickey Guyton from the mercedesbenz stage. [ applause ] this week, as i mentioned, is our 20th anniversary weekend. Weve got new shows with julia louise dreyfus, rose byrne, bobby cannavale, darcy carden. Music from haley whiters. And on wednesday, eddie murphy will join us for our final show of the year. Guillermo fantastic jimmy i know, right . And on thursday night, we are celebrating our 20th with a reboot. Our first guests on our first show back in 2003 were george clooney, snoop dogg, and coldplay. On thursday in primetime at 10 00 and in regular time, im pleased to say they will all be back here with us. [ cheering and applause ] its going to be a fun night, so i hope youll join us. Our 20th anniversary in prime time at 10 00 here on abc thursday night. Our first guest tonight made his first appearance here back in 2004. He is still going strong. You can see him alongside a starstuffed cast in the new movie, you people. It premieres friday on netflix. Please welcome David Duchovny. [ cheering and applause ] jimmy very star trek tonight, are you . A little bit. I dont know whats going on. I usually dont try it on before i come out here. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. Jimmy david, you know who you muscle man. You look like the king of super heroes. How the f did you cast ben affleck instead of me . Jimmy i dont know how it happened, but im glad that it just did. Youre not the only lonely friendless boy who wrote a graphic novel. Jimmy is that for real . Can i see . Kepler. We just published it, i believe, in june. Or maybe jimmy you wrote this . Yeah. Jimmy i didnt know this about you. Are you kidding me . J. J. Abrams is out there watching still, this has not been optioned yet. And jimmy, youre welcome to audition, even though i had no chance. Jimmy i would love to play i gladly accept your invitation to play kepler. My accountants last name is kepler actually. Yeah, yeah, no, not. How you doing . Well, thats pretty cool. I like that. Were you a comic book nerd as a kid . I wasnt. But this was sort of a scifi idea i had for a novel. And i never tried scifi before, and it met morphed into a comic book. Jimmy its fun to me. Seeing that movie with these characters coming to life. It must have been a blast. Jimmy is incredible. Like a full two hours too. Jimmy just seeing just seeing your characters drawn is kind of fun, isnt it . It is. Because i do not draw at all. Like if try to do story boards, if im directing, whatever, its stick figures. And i do the nose on the side to show you which way he is pointing. Jimmy and thats it . Thats about all i can do. Jimmy i mentioned you were on our show in 2004. First of all, thank you for being on our show in 2004, because we didnt have any good people except you for the most part. Years ago. Thank you, i think. Jimmy before that, when i was on the radio at kroq here in los angeles. Doing the sports. Jimmy youre really one of the few people i had a preexisting relationship with. And i hope it doesnt feel weird, but i was so proud of you when you started doing so well on the show here. Jimmy well, thank you. It doesnt feel weird. Unless there is something well, thank you. [ applause ] you know i i was like an x files nut. Im wondering. You were . Jimmy i am still, i guess. Its one of my alltime favorite shows for sure, as ive told you many times. Probably too many times. By the way, are you still getting they just released that they dont call them ufos anymore. Theyre uaps. Two weeks ago they released another report. Did everybody contact you about it . No, no. If people do, im so out of it and so old, really, that i was doing an interview and somebody was asking about ufos. And they said, you know, something about this new ufo cache whatever. Has anybody dmed you. And i was like oh, dm you, is that what they call ufos now . Dmus . I havent heard of this dmu. What does that stand for, dmu. Demilitarized unidentified . Jimmy now that you said it. So youre not paying attention to any of that stuff anymore . I never did, really. I just got my scripts. Jimmy you must absolutely love hearing about it all the time. I really dont mind. I dont mind at all. I cant share the interest, but i dont mind your interest. Jimmy you had a great triumph on our show back in 2004. You remember what im talking about . How can i forget. Jimmy let me show a photograph. This is we, for whatever reason, probably not a good one, had a rascal scooter race. And you can see that is chris myers, who did the play by play. Me and my cousin sal, uncle frank, the great jeff gordon. And you. We raced on rascal scooters in our parking lot. Yeah. Jimmy and you can see who is holding the trophy there. So there is not going to be any drama. But lets play that. Lets show that clip. Incredible speeds, and it is David Duchovny i cant believe it. Wow, he did it lou jimmy kimmel is second and jeff gordon a disappointing third. [ applause ] jimmy how did we beat jeff gordon . I didnt remember that. I stopped and actually usain bolt taunted you. Jimmy you did. And how did we beat jeff gordon . It was all lane assignment. I had the inside lane. You had is second, he had the worst lane, the third. And you floor it immediately. It only goes 4 miles per hour. There is no skill involved. I stayed on the inside lane and won easily. Jimmy okay, all right. Well, if you want to downplay your accomplishments, thats fine. But the fact of the matter is i weighed at least 50 pounds more than jeff gordon did, probably 60 or 70 pounds more. Right. Jimmy so thats a disadvantage. I remember jeff gordon was a little pissed off too. Jimmy i dont blame him. I would be too. Im not a good driver. Jimmy well, you know what . I do want to mention this mel brooks thing. Theyre making a hulu series called the history of the world part 2. Nick kroll, wanda sykes. A huge cast of comedy stars. Youre part of this. And me. Jimmy and you. Youve done many things yourself. Who do you play . I play Howard Cosell. Jimmy Howard Cosell. You remember Howard Cosell . Jimmy i hope they do. Do you do the whole wig, the whole deal . I do the wig. I look like walter matthau. I didnt know i did a Howard Cosell necessarily until i got there. Jimmy everybody kind of does a Howard Cosell. Exactly. Of our generation, if i may say. Jimmy i know what youre saying. A lot of people dont know who Howard Cosell. But its a great character to play. Did you practice . Did you review old tapes of howard . I did a little bit. And then i was actual i actually was able to talk to his grandson collin cosell, who i then cast in a movie i directed of bucky fing dent. Jimmy is that right . I did the full thing there. Jimmy collin is the pa announcer for the mets. Wow, youre good. Jimmy and kind of sounds like Howard Cosell. A little bit. Jimmy its always a little bit weird. I called collin. And i said what are the bullet points of the cosell imitation . And he gave them to me. Jimmy what are the bullet point . I dont remember them anymore. Well, jimmy, i see that youve turned 50, and i applaud that, but i have to say i see before you the shell of a former talk show host that i used to know and love. [ applause ] jimmy i like subtle Howard Cosell. David duchovny is here. His new movie is called you people. Well be right back. [ cheering ] you i lane get out my lane you in my way get out my way you crossed that line you crossed that line it aint yo day it aint yo day i need my space get out my way, get out my way yeah , get out my way woo , get out my way, get out my way move , get out my way woo well i need my space when low prices on supplies spark great ideas. When theyve got it all in the bag for less. And when you can save more on school spirit. Thats totally target. Paneras you pick two means when part of you wants crispy, crunchy, fresh. And part of you wants melty, smoky, peppery. Both yous win big. You pick two and get more, only at panera. One dollar delivery fee on our app. Introducing togos new french dip sandwiches featuring fresh Artisan Bread piled high with tender roast beef, smothered with melty provolone cheese and served with hot au jus for dipping. Try the roast beef or pastrami french dips today only at togos im sorry about my mom. She is literally a moron. I like your braids. Thank you. Exhibit had braids. Yeah. You remember that show pimp my ride . That was a blast. I loved that show. He seemed like such a cool dude, such a gentleman. You ever bump into him on any of your show things . No. Oh. Is he still in the rat game . Dad, stop. What . Just like producing sound. I like x to the z. Dad what can i say . Jimmy that is David Duchovny in you people. It premieres friday on netflix. This is a very funny movie, and youre very funny in it. Thank you. It is funny movie. That cast is amazing. Jimmy great cast. You, your wife. Julia louisdreyfus plays your wife. Jonah hill plays your son. Eddie murphy plays kind of opposing fatherinlaw. Yeah, yeah. And lauren london. Jimmy and you and julia just do everything in your power to ingratiate yourselves to this black family. Yes, the opposite fact. Jimmy yes, yes. And jonah hill, did you know jonah hill before this . Well, no. Its funny, because im playing his father, which is something. In your career, when you Start Playing peoples fathers, its something. But when not something to celebrate at all. So i dont remember what year it was, but i was doing your show, and i dont remember what i was doing at 4 00, but jonah was the second guest. And i had seen super bad because i was friends with judd. And i had seen a screening of super bad. It was just to be come out. I went into jonahs dressing room to say oh, my god, youre a star. Youre amazing. Youre so great in this film. And i remember jonah look at me like what the [ bleep ]. Jimmy did he remember that . I didnt bring it up. Jimmy didnt bring it up at all . Maybe i didnt remember it until we were starting to talk about coming back, youre retrospectively looking back. I just remembered that that had happened. Jimmy he had a moment where he looked at you and felt like you were a father to him. At this moment, yes, we could have used that in the film. We missed that chance. Jimmy did you get to spend any time with eddie murphy . Yeah, just working, sure. Spent some sometime with eddie, sure. Jimmy how was that . I mean, he is an amazing performer, and a really solid guy. I enjoyed everybody on the set. Jimmy i know. But hes eddie murphy. I know you enjoyed everybody on the set. But did you like make any attempt to really kind of bond with eddie or accidentally walk into his trailer . I said exhibit had braids. Jimmy exhibit, by the way was in the x files movie with you. Thats completely random true. Kenya barris, the Brilliant Writer director of this movie, he just came up with this riff. Jimmy oh, that was unrelated . Yeah. I play arnold. He is a podiatrist who has a thing for exhibit. And every time i open my mouth in front of black people, i start to talk about exhibit. So the weird thing was, i costarred with exhibit in the first or second x files movie. Kenya had no idea of that. So after i did the first riff on set, because i believe it was improved by kenya for me, i googled a picture of me and exhibit from the x files movie, and he was oh my god. Jimmy does exhibit know that you talk about him . I suppose he does now. Jimmy i yeah, i hope so. You also sing and play piano in the movie. Yeah. Jimmy and that is a very funny scene. Was that improvised as well . In a way it was. Kenya kind of left me to do what i want to do with that, go learn the song or whatever. And i went and i learned the song with a voice teacher, believe it or not. When you watch, youll see. [ laughter ] and so but because of covid, it was like the height of covid or one of the heights of covid when we were shooting it. And netflix has really strict protocol. So i had to show up super early, test twice, i think, was i was going to sing. Singing is the most dangerous thing you can do. Jimmy thats right. Thats what they said. I could bring a bazooka and a full arsenal, and they would give less of a [ bleep ] than if i was going to sing in front of you. Jimmy yeah. A deadly act. Jimmy we werent allowed to have trumpets or trombones in our band for a long time negative, wind instruments. So i had to go and record the song in a house where were shooting alone, and then i had to choose which version of the song i was going to lipsynch too, because they werent going to allow me to actually sing in front of the camera. I had to learn the ins and outs of the song i sang that morning to lipsynch it. And then they cleared the room. I wanted to show off in front of eddie and julia. I get to sing this funny song, check it out, and i was all alone in a room. I sing it. And after im done singing it and spraying my stuff all over the room, they fumigate the room. And you couldnt shoot in there for an hour. I felt like a total pariah. Jimmy thats very sad. Well, it came out funny. Whatever you guys had to do to get there. Youre directing a movie right now. Yeah, from a novel i wrote called bucky fing dent. Jimmy bucky fing dent. Bucky was a short stop, the mvp of the world series in 70. Yep. Jimmy in 70 you know better than me. You know more about ufos and baseball. Jimmy i remember that was a traumatic world series. I think it was either 77 or 78. Its really a fatherson story. My editor is in the audience tonight, jamie nelson and crystal. Jimmy i was wondering if your editor was in the audience. [ applause ] jimmy you know, weve had services. Jimmy in 20 long years, weve never had anyone shout out their editor in the crowd. Thats the key, jimmy. Editors are the Unsung Heroes of the movie business. Jimmy thats true. And were going edit this part of the interview out. [ laughter ] David Duchovny, everybody. You people premieres friday on netflix. Well be back with bachelor zach. We love our house. The outdoor space is great. But we do have invasive weeds. I think they got in the house. I think youre right. Tv he shoots. Tv . And of course, water. This particular rose bush. Stay away from my family why are you so strong . at least geico makes bundling my home and Car Insurance easy. We save so much. Do you want me to get the spray stuff . 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Psych and im about to steal this game from you just like i stole kelly carter in high school. You got no game dude, thats a foul and now youre ready to settle the score. Game over. And if you dont have the right Home Insurance coverage, well, you could end up paying for all this yourself. So get allstate, and be better protected from mayhem, yeah, like me. Thanks, bro. Take a lap, rookie. Real mature. When the lunches you pack with love ta are filled with. Quality ingredients. When you can celebrate big wins, with low prices. And when saving on easy dinners together bring everyone a smile. Thats totally target. Jimmy hi there. Welcome back. Lukas graham is on the way. Earlier today america watched our next guest meet 30 beautiful women, kiss 7 of them, dump 10 of them, and get licked behind the ear once. Please welcome our newest bachelor, Zach Shallcross. Well, its good to meet you. Congratulations i guess, is that what we would say . I think so. Congrats on 20 years by the way. Jimmy thank you very much. I appreciate it. [ applause ] i know that i was informed of something kind of interesting. This is not your first time here at the show. No. This is actually my second time. First time i was here a couple of years ago with one of my good friends. Actually, one of the producers in your show got me some pretty cool seats. Top left corner right up there. Jimmy oh, were you way in the back . A little nosebleedy. Jimmy we should put a plaque, the bachelor once sat here in the bachelors seat. This is a photo you took backstage. You look very different there. How long ago was this . Great question. Three years ago . Jimmy three years ago . Yeah. Jimmy boy, they cleaned you up for this bachelor, didnt they . You look like me on the way into work in that picture. So you were on the bachelorette. You were in the top three. And what, you kicked yourself out of the show, right . Kind of. Yeah. Jimmy after the fantasy suite. Yes. Jimmy was it in the fantasy suite you decided you no longer wanted to be on the show . Yeah, absolutely. Jimmy happen had in there . Its a great question. Jimmy Something Weird . Yeah. What do you think happened . Jimmy i think you soiled the bed. [ laughter ] and you said you know what . I got to get out of here now. Im out. Something along those lines. Well keep it at that. Well just keep it at that. Jimmy oh, this is good too. Your uncle is yes. Jimmy Patrick Warburton who played putty on seinfeld and the tick. So you have show business in your blood kind of. A little bit. I mean, its kronk. Everyone loves kronk. He had a lot of advice and support for me. Jimmy did he give you advice . What did he say . Interestingly enough, only a little bit, because he is like dude, this world of reality tv is another beast. And he was beyond shocked. Because he was part of it a little bit last season. Jimmy was he happy that you were on the show . Mmm jimmy not that happy. Hes supportive. Ill just say that. Jimmy all right. All right. How did the whole putty family react to you being on the bachelor . The whole putty family and my family found out the same time i did actually. So there is the live finale and they did the announcement. Jimmy oh that was real where you found out you were going to be the bachelor live there. Moments before was it concerned. I had pure shock. My family was oh my god, its actually happening. Jimmy do they ask you beforehand, hey, if you pick you, will you be . Or is it just youre the bachelor go its more like that. Jimmy is it really . They just assume that because youre there you would accept being the bachelor . There is a good chance of it. A couple of conversations. And i thought it would be a great opportunity and ready for love again. My family has been super excited. But my sisters have kind of lost their interest in the bachelor. Jimmy because youre on it . So theyve been diehard fans for years. And once they learned oh, wait, im going to have to watch my brother be the one in the hot tub, im good, im good. So they wont watch. Jimmy thats understandable, i think. By the way, one of our producers has a theory, laura, that the bachelor is a cult. And she printed out a list for me of the characteristics of a cult. I want you to tell me if any any of these apply. Sleep deprivation. Members must stay awake for extended periods of time. Correct. Jimmy check. Charismatic leader that would be you. Members are zealous, protective and unquestioningly committed to a living, charismatic leader. Sure. Jimmy check. Cohabitation. Members are encouraged or required to live and socialize with other group members. Absolutely check. Isolation. Members experience physical separation from their family, friends, and society. Absolutely. Jimmy check. Games. Games with obscure rules are introduced. Check arooney. Yeah. Jimmy love bombing. Creating a sense of belonging through hugging, kissing, touching, and flattery. There is a bit of love bombing. Jimmy thats the whole frigging show. A little bit. Jimmy and finally, common goal. The group claims to pursue a common goal, which in this case is getting a ring from you. The right reasons. Jimmy this is a cult that were airing on television on a disney owned television network. [ applause ] and youre their david koresh. I have news for you. So is it overwhelming when youre presented with 30 women who are all suddenly hot for you without ever having met you . Yeah, yeah. It was a shock. And at the live finale, i actually met five of them. And i forgot everyones name. Jimmy you did, yeah. I would do that too. Just lost everything. It was terrifying. Jimmy do you remember the names of all 30 of the women who were on the show with you . You know, it was so scarring at the live finale that i didnt mess up a name again throughout the entire season. Jimmy so if i were to put up all 30 of the women and one of them [ applause ] im not going to ask you to name them because thats ridiculous. But if one of them wasnt the bachelorettes, would you be able to find that woman . Absolutely. Jimmy okay. Put it up on the wall. There they are. Should i walk. Jimmy you can look at it closely and examine and figure out if somebody looks unfamiliar to you. [ laughter ] by the way, were all hoping you get it wrong [ laughter ] wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. [ laughter ] jimmy i promise, we didnt screw around. There is one person who is not on your show. Im not lying, i promise. Jimmy, dont do this. Jimmy im not doing anything. Im just right here. Jimmy thats the one . Thats the one. Right . Jimmy as a matter of fact, yes. Thats a member of our studio audience tonight. [ applause ] we asked her to take a picture and stuck it to the wall. Thats good. Thats got to be a relief. Did you find love . Did you find the one, the woman of your dreams . Hmm. Jimmy you cant say. Unfortunately. Jimmy now im going to say the odds are no. Ill tell you this. I found love. I did. Jimmy you did . I found love. Absolutely. Jimmy you found love. What does that mean, you found love. Youre going to have the see what that looks like. Jimmy okay. All right. Well, well see, i guess. The bachelor. You can watch it. See if zach is indeed telling the truth about finding love. Monday nights here. They lie a lot, by the way. Monday nights on abc. Theyre cult leaders. Theyre programmed to lie. Thank you, zach. Zach shallcross, everybody. Well be back with lukas graham. Well well well, what have we here . A magical place. Thats lookin to get scared with bats. And ghouls. And cars in disguise. Ive cast quite a spell now. You wont believe your eyes [laughter] the spell is cast. Halloween time is back with spooktacular experiences in disneyland and disney california Adventure Parks [laughter] jimmy thanks to David Duchovny and zach, the bachelor. Apologies to matt damon. We ran out of time for him. Nightline is next but first, their latest is called 4 the pink album . Here with the song, home movies, and some help from Mickey Guyton, lukas graham [ cheering and applause ] theres a boy i dont know what hes hiding hes got his mothers eyes and his daddys charm just the right mix and theres a girl she knew where to find him in the local bar smokin in the dark it was Perfect Timing but what they both didnt know is how far this thing would go and they might not want the truth but if they do play em our home movies if they wonder who i was even if they dont then play em just because let em see the highlights and dont forget the lows everybodys got a story no one knows so just let them play until the credits roll theres a story i didnt know wed write it however long it took its an open book if you love surprises theres a song underneath the silence you can hear the crowd sing the words out loud in just the right pitch but what we both didnt know is how far this thing would go and we might not make it through but if we do play em our home movies if they wonder who i was even if they dont then play em just because let em see the highlights and dont forget the lows everybodys got a story no one knows so just let them play until the credits roll theres nothing i would be without these memories each though they might not show the best of me ohoh play em our home movies if they wonder who i was even if they dont then play em just because play em just because let em see the highlights and dont forget the lows everybodys got a story no one knows so just let them play until the credits roll [ cheering and applause ] Mickey Guyton, ladies and gentlemen. This is nightline. Tonight, the migrant crisis overwhelms new york city. Why hundreds of people were forced to sleep in the streets. Is the city able to provide the basic needs to Asylum Seekers right now . No. No. Not at all . No, were not