express how sorry i am. to those who knew and loved [ bleep ] i'm sorry and will not ask for your forgiveness either. i know that i've hurt you in ways i have only just begun to understand. you have every right to hate me for what i've done. i hated myself for a long time. every day for over half my life not a moment has gone by when i didn't hang my head in guilt and shame. that's it. >> why did you feel the need to write that? >> well, i think it was -- this was as much for myself as it was for anybody else's sake. i -- this is going to sound kind of silly but i really didn't -- couldn't comprehend death until someone i knew -- until i had experienced that loss. and it -- it kind of put things in a completely different
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