who was, uh... the bad person in my life, and my parents thought she was the best babysitter ever because she always brought presents. she was always there. but she was-- she molested me, and, yeah, it was very difficult. i remember i used to wish her dead and then she died. she died in a-- on her graduation night, and i thought i killed her. so i couldn't tell my parents that she was doing these things to me, and i couldn't tell her that i killed her. i really thought that i had these magical powers that i-- whatever i thought was going to happen, so... - you had a 25-year-old man-- - yes, yes, oh, god. - tell me about. - i was supposed to be at the movie theater and i was with a girlfriend. we ended up going over to a friend's house and, um, this man was teaching me how to play backgammon. and, yeah, then he attacked me and i had never been with anybody, and he was a lot older than me, and i was 12 or 13, so... - he raped you. - yeah. so that was, um, yeah. my first experience and... so, it wasn't pleasant. how do you trust people after you have situations like that?