you seem troubled. john wilkes booth: troubled? i? for four years i have lived not daring to express my thoughts or sentiments, even in my own home, constantly hearing every principle dear to my heart denounced as treasonable. and i have cursed my willful idleness, begun to deem myself a coward. and to despise my own existence. richmond has fallen, in a war against the constitution, against states' rights, against southern rights and institutions. and a malignant tyrant, a half-breed, low-mannered, country buffoon is threatening to proclaim himself king. i should have killed him on inauguration day. i could have.