>> i thought the only way i could survive is to basically suppress the spy in me and to basically let the jihadist in me be the dominant personality and to keep saying always i'm a jihadist, i'm a jihadist, damn the west, in order to basically make sure i do not slip, i do not make a mistake. >> reporter: dean knew any misstep could be fatal. >> if your cover is blown while you are there, no help is coming. afghanistan is a black hole as far as intelligence operations were concerned. it's just a place where you can't meet handlers, you can't transmit information. you are on your own. once you're going in, you're lost. once you're coming out, you're born again. if my cover is compromised, then i would have faced a tribunal and death. >> reporter: aimen dean did face death soon after his arrival in afghanist afghanistan, not at the hands of al qaeda but while fighting