Whatever you would like if youd like to participate in the conversation. So what Everybody Knows she would much rather love other people than herself. So given what we know that so many of us warned why did you write a book . Thank you everybody for being here i didnt set out to write a book or certainly not by myself when i left the white house i found wonderful work at new america i kept my head down and focused. But i remember women in particular challenge me to think i had something to say that might be of value. I thought what do i really have to say that would make a difference to anybody. But that forced me to think about it. What do i have to say and to whom . I do a lot of public speaking is become policy issues and student groups all the time when i tell stories over the course of my career all the time i have the same stories because thats what resonates invariably somebody will come up when i am done in 100 percent of the time its a woman most of the time it is a woman of color and says to me that saying that you said im so glad you said that i thought i was the only one. So i put myself in the presence of those over the years i have something to say and i say it all the time so once i gave myself permission to believe i have something to contribute i immediately knew about the book and i spoke to seven women also women of color who had stories to tell and that some of the stuff i had struggled with is the same staff everybody else struggled with that we often dont talk about it and think it shows signs of weakness instead of strength thats just wrong and we are leaders already and women of color so the book is an offering of stories from my own experience and experience of the women who were generous enough to share their story and the strategy if we have ourselves and aware people around us so the idea is to remind all of us we have what it takes. So for anyone who doesnt know listening to us now the Vice President for technology in here at new america came to us after being the head of the Domestic Policy Council in the Obama White House which is the highest domestic policy position there is in the white house. Its not a cabinet position. Before that she spent 20 years working on policy and she would never want me to say this but one of what we talk about the our third genius award. Because i am certain there are people out there who think nobody but that type of resume could ever. But we say you are 100 percent secure whether or not i belong here so maybe you talk about those that interviewed you your colleagues or friends or other women of color. Yes. Because to say that we talk about the things that under estimation so i tell the story of putting on makeup working at Chicago Public schools and at the time i really was young so i said i would make myself look more mature. But in sharing that we really connected on the people level and that was part of the process because other women are outraged at some of the obstacles from the outset that said yes, me too. And with the elderly and others that are really smart strategie strategies. So that is a story about having to get your way in. So this wasnt figurative it was called the sharp elbow and other tools so when i first got to washington i was 26. And was thrown into a circle of advocates that were pretty much all men most of them were tall men charles kawasaki stepped away from his role and pushed me in and there i was with the guys and at 5foot 2inch and 26 years old i actually recount i took up swearing on purpose to compensate for my size and soft spoken is like i can show these people i need to be tough so i literally started to swear that is not a strategy i recommend. Working on an immigration bill at one point with the congressional markup to get that amended and changed and it ended and the guys stood up into the huddle i was in heels i was angry at talk to charles and set i will never fit in and he said look you are new. You are short and a woman literally said usurer elbow and say let me in the circle which i did but i only had to do it once. But that is what it was like. Over and over i find i am still frequently the only woman in the room or a person of color in the room into be the only woman that i spoke to and the elbow isnt strategy but you need to use it fairly often. And it helps that we talk about it. The one person speaking for everybody. And you had a story. And with the prior administrations and that was all the time. And at the couple of years ago it is true that it comes with that and then also the challenges to have those preconceptions that carry that weight for that responsibility and that is unique to our experience. So talk about being underestimated part of that is how we underestimate ourselves we are constantly worried. But there is also the feeling that you know others are underestimating you. If you say i feel my blackness to get higher up than it means i am a woman in a mans world but also the majority. I am a woman. I am a woman of color. People dont see you at all. That you might want to talk about if you feel like people are underestimating you. And the bigotry of lower expectations and people cant see it. And that potential but then with the all faculty talking about diversity and i wanted to make that point without saying it and i remember thinking and this is what people think about me but really if it is africanamerican or women in the case to the workforce but in general that i want to create space in the workplace and i do that in part and those that you just dont see a lot. And i dont have that luxury now but i got people to show up the way they want to express themselves theres plenty of things they dont exercise because of that but it is preparedness. That you know that your competent and the skill, you want to make sure to take out any margin of error. We tend to over prepare i have been invited to spaces and places because i constructed you may have invited for this reason but i will show you how much more i can contribute as part of that. And then to up the nation. So why did you call your book that . [laughter] its a wonderful title talking with my editor i think the world is to what we bring. But also it referred exactly that all the women that i spoke to landed on the same strategy that when we are concerned we have what it takes then we over prepare so what we do is be over prepare we work and show up knowing our stuff and then we leaned back into that that gives us the strength to compensate for whatever doubts we have. One of the stories i tell in the book has to do with the time one of those i served under told a couple of folks writing the books when i was a domestic policy director i think he said in so many words but the impression the two people that wrote books the impression is that maybe i was less qualified. And with that time i was at the white house. Not that i didnt think i could do the job for president of the United States and i was in a job for five years. But because if that is what that one person felt what is everyone in the world thinking . And then toned up find this stuff that blew up was this set. I dont want that that well to surround this person with other people can carry the water. So in a sense you are not quite on your game you get feedback that they organize meetings without you. And what does it mean and then do a number on yourself. And i learned from talking to other people that this happened to and then just make sure youre doing a really good job and that you are prepared and invariably answer a question you dont know the answer to then you go find out. And that is part of the strategy. One said ultra prepared and that i also see somebody that was a special all secretary which is an incredible highpressure job and was the unconventional choice because it is like the emily post pedigree and what she had was smart and skill and creativity. But those watching her because she didnt fit their image of should operate in that job happens to women and people of color all the time. The way we deal with it is show up. I think everyone has the experience feeling like they are invisible or underestimated or not heard so often. And a fair number felt that they thought we were the affirmative action higher. And all those that know whether on our panel. And with those qualifications. But i do think that again this is almost reflective i immediately assume there is something extra because how els else . Anybody that is thinking that the cards are stacked against you. So the fact that you could even be considered and with that preparation so i wish i could give people different lenses to understand what it takes but also with that pressure to come at you from society. Asking about how she got to princeton through affirmative action and says that got me to the starting line with then you have to sell let them be prepared and do it well. Nobody will let you take shortcuts. And with those expectations. And to that point and with that metaphor. And it is excessive after that i thought more about lock than life preparedness. And then any moment now my luck will run out is not about life but opportunity to get to the starting line. But im here because of the confidence so it could be tempting because this is a different narrative in your head with this power issue to bring to the table. Do you feel you have other expectations on your shoulders . And that position and to go to have that kind of hope and expectations and with other people to come after you and people of color . Yes. And to describe that in the way i experience it is the person in this role i better not screw it up it will be harder for whoever comes after me. I was the seniormost person in the white house. So with my expertise i know the community really well and the thing that i know a lot about on with lots of other people to describe in the book is an Amazing Group of people there were a lot of us but to carry the water there is attention that i feel all the time and i never understood if i got the balance right or not that there are those that dont necessarily know what you know and to do the job well but sometimes your job is to hold back a little bit it isnt to be an advocate 100 percent of the time that we serve the whole country well. And to be understood and to lift up her stuff and let her have her five minutes of talking then we will go on and do everything. So he will have to represent, calibrate so they can hear you know what they just dont know it will be uncomfortable. In which of the times we are pushing too hard its a constant calibration. But there is a sense if you screw it up it will be harder for the next person after you. And what we tried to do like people like Valerie Jarrett to try to create a safe space for people to ask for feedback, to up their game and do that calibration and this is one of the strategies outlined in the book and i had a conversation just this weekend someone else looking for advice that despite those who are safe enough you can say how did that go with that didnt go well valerie was one of those places for me that she provided one of them and you cant say how do i . Of not being understood with this point im trying to make i cannot tell how others are receiving me she was committed to her comments to make sure she did the job well to get feedback thats one of the strategies i recommend asking for feedback but when you can give it honestly some people see that as a sign of weakness i think its a sign of strength and im trying to up my game so its important to figure out who your team is and i didnt just ask for feedback from the people that i reported to but also reporting to me. That was important that i did a good job. As the deputy chief of staff as department of education and the deputy secretary that you were pretty high up there. Yes and the three of us do that. [laughter] and then the three of us do this together because he never stops whats going on within that organization so it is critical that all stages. And then you have to look for those people to tell you what they thank you want to hear but it doesnt make it better in fact i am skeptical that really you cannot come up with anything . Its not possible. And then looking for that feedback it with my own sense of self on that network of people to help you calibrate you have to push and you want to push maybe we go too far or not far enough but to be on your own calibration to be at peace with yourself. We have worked together in many different ways you have taught me more that not only report to me but i learned far more and i have another questio question. What i failed to take into account i almost by definition more perspective than in the way decisions are traditionally made corporate boardrooms and many settings that determine the course of our lives where decisions are made frequently by men so just by virtue and there is evidence now that those from a variety of backgrounds making a decision to make better decisions they make decisions that are more effective than this is true for every sector. Some people early in their careers to just know when they walked in the room that the people in the room need you and what you bring they may not know that they do but they do. And its important that you know that they do that for you get the confidence to say the hard things that sometimes you need to say or you just hold your own we feel like you are on your ow own. And that evidence to support it but the key is. So there is a comment many of you are commenting and asking questions one of the things that i think is special is that you come from a place of kindness and generosity and talk about the superpowers but the part of the book thats not what people would expect but that is not exactly the first thing you recommend so talk about the book. We think about this long and hard and thank you for that lovely comment. She herself is the episcopal priest so she knows a thing or two. And is in the book because it is too often mistaken for weakness and thats a mistake i talk about at how the beginning of my career i took up swearing to show that i could be tough. And we understand leadership and toughness from a narrow lens not that man cant be kind but not necessarily what we associate with leadership but its a way i try to show up in the world and its a skill set. It is tremendously important. And part of my job was to help drive the decisionmaking at the president s desk. Was never the smartest person in the room rarely had expertise and what they were discussing but those that i had that made me good at the job i could understand as you might imagine the secretary of commerce disagreed with each other my job in that moment was to make sure each got heard that they felt if they were in disagreement and the they would have to decide got the information that they needed the policy brilliance but in that moment to make sure that people who disagree can live whatever decision that they make sometimes day when those decisions the perspective prevails sometimes it does sometimes it doesnt but that information was present to say now i will support that decision because this was a fair process so that requires sympathy and kindness to understand what somebody needs to get a decision made and we think too frequently that the person showing up at kindness is not showing up with strength so i have been very inspired by the book of genesis and then to be okay on the job swearing is the expression of emotion. People do it all the time and enough already through the dawn of time in order to be leaders. That has gotten us fairly far back there are limits and its time to reshape what we think leadership looks like. I could not agree more we also men are socialized not to show their emotions swearing is okay even showing physical emotion and empathy. So its particularly important in washington where you feel that you think the worst of people then you are naive and its not tough enough for the game that if we are working on behalf of the American People and we are supposed to take the seriously that kindness, empathy, emotion, the connection to people is so important and with the government that if youre not this sentence call oldschool journalist so i found that part of your book to be extremely important. Thank you. My former colleague with asking a question. That was one of my questions so thank you. [laughter] the person the people in my head were women and women of color in particular but i think its important for other people to understand what we wrestle with. And also to have an opportunity for what retribution looks like. I hope it is useful to men and i hope people enjoy the book but most of all i hope they find it useful. Thats why i wrote it. We talk about those as human beings so there are some things that are unique. I often think how many books i have written about leadership and i heard from them that they dont always apply but then to learn from them i cannot believe that they dont equally learn but just thinking about themselves how to be emotional is valuable. So we are ready to turn to questions i see one that they said there is any woman you have interviewed have a strategy for a white fragility . For the idea that when you are raising critiques from the position of a woman or person of color often white people get very defensive so you have to protect against that. That is a question. Even just with a specific topic and maybe we should have because it is a thing. But i didnt ask that question in so many terms but i will say that anybody that i have spoke to feels they are juggling multiple things that just came up in my conversations about kindness and representing everybody. And that multiple identities one includes a person who is listening to understand and there is a sense that we are expected to represent as well as understand and this is an argument i have with my wonderful adult daughters with that conversation we are having a lot that they are less willing to modulate how they present something so they can be heard that is much more about expression and being true and authentic. I modulate all the time. But for me i can only speak for me on this, my goal and almost all of those conversations is to bring them with me thats why i modulate but i respect thats not everybodys goal. I remember us having that conversation of impact and if we could modulate to have impact and then just to say deal with it that they should navigate with those conversations that is a part of that but they have to hear it and deal with it and it also depends on what we are talking about that just puts the ball on the other side of the court. That the question from one of the Board Members that i love this question everything you say speaks to the tremendous dignity on your part. In a for women to demonstrate anger and frustration and along the front lines of the estimation. Yes. I never lost it like nine now i will yell at people kind of way but it manifests itself in tears. I had one memorable occasion that the summer of 2014 it was the crisis of large numbers of children coming through Central America alone and a lot of us were making share one are we were caring for those kids and it seems like such a long time ago. But for a very concentrated. We were so focused to get them in proper shelter care and every day my conscience to make sure we did the best possible job under the circumstances not at the same time we were getting a lot of pressure from those advocacy communities which is the world that i come from on a variety of things that there was one meeting in the roosevelt room or both of those things came to a head and i was sitting next to him and that people that i love her like my family where pushing hard on me which is their job because i totally respect but it got heated. So i mostly kept it together that those tears managed to roll down my cheek i thought it was very subtle but it was not. My losing it tends to manifest itself that way i try not to do it in front of other people which ive been told its totally fine to do i didnt know that at the time usually a my way home from work i cry every day. And then to ask a question that directly builds on that to say if you come out of that Human Rights Community fighting behalf on the human rights advocate and you are in the middle of tough tough decisions and you were criticized by people in the community that all in different ways but how do you manage that . And then to represent communities of color how did you navigate that . So i knew it would come. Thank you for the question is an advocate that i greatly admire i knew if i took the job i knew it was true in my community because any part of governing that includes an Immigration Enforcement it got fairly personal i dont think i was ready for how personally got. But i understood it. I know that as well as anybody because i did it for so long. The way that i grapple with it the first day you hope and believe he will be able to do the best you can every day and understand the tools are not perfect you cannot do a perfect job in the case of immigration the law is badly broken so the tools are terrible. But you use the tools in the most constructive possible way to be governed by law. So i decided on that first day i would try to look at myself in the mirror every day to tell myself im doing the best i could with the tools that i had. It helped a lot and worked for president that i believed in i felt he would not ask me to do something i didnt believe in and i was right about that. There is a lot of criticism that is fair but that comes with the territory trying to lead. Although i did learn that distance between criticism and doing a better job or that lifting up something you have got to fix because it is broken and criticism and i have more respect. When somebody asks me about being a leader, then this is not for you. There is no way to lead effectively that you have to make decisions you hope you can do it in a way to minimize but the criticism will come back to say we have a question but it is the point of the most unexpected response. The book is only just coming out today so i havent had much response yet. But i will say that in the course of writing it i asked my daughters for they are input them in a wonderful position they are 27 and 24. What i wrote about with balancing life and work and i got a chance to ask them, how did it go from your perspective . [laughter] and the response that i got in the course of writing the book is they didnt understand the question i said how much i was working if i was being a mom i wanted to be. They experienced a very differently is when i asked him the question and they wrote me back i was quite startled through all the agonizing for them it was fine. So that surprised me. I try to raise it a lot because i have a lot of colleagues that are raising kids and trying to homeschool in trying to work and it is a lot. So i try to be as assertive to say you experiencing this is doing everything halfway and then to feel different. And then to be responsive in the book and any other reason to see the responses to your question. One has happened to weigh in so we will you that and not why your daughters are less willing to modulate . Maybe the issue is there generation they have had it. And then tinas response i just want to say that i am so tired of asking for permission to be my bad ass self i have demanded everybody elses feelings what i want to say and how i say it if i have the authority to say it or do what i feel is right for my community. So how you create space for hungry passionate women of color and you allow them and tina says that is a big part of it and also says i feel so lucky to hear where we are coming from. All of that is lovely i think we are experiencing but this is because when women are willing to put up with this stuff and i love that honestly and then to bring people with you but also that is the result to be heard and understood and i have respect for people who are not willing to do that bending and hopefully there is a place in between those that allows us to be authentically who we are but in the time i was working and i feel really fortunate but that trajectory of my own career to go completely invisible except in the southwestern florida and new york and chicago to being a wing in the country but with that comes to deal with us and we are here. Because of the history. But this is where they are insisting on being seen in a different way. And to have a conversation and sharing the cohort and be because of you we are in this position and the need to contact something about setting the stage and then taking a really long time that happens in the 17 and 18 hundreds with that Civil Rights Act to be multi generational. And i personally find it refreshing that i can have pushback about diversity not only by people it is refreshing didnt and i couldnt 20 or 30 years ago and that is part of the conversation and how will that and also that juggling that we have been talking about that i am exhausted. And then with that diversity in a way that allows you to be effective and the weight and the pushback and to carry that. And then would challenge that leadership. And then on the one hand a fear as a parent what the real world is like and hope that they change but you also know that you encountered it and when i wrote my article in 2012 many many women have written me and then i had my first child and that was light years better. So a question that would be interesting to say im a young woman who was at the Obama White House that moved to the anti Sexual Violence advocacy the humbled advocate of the movement at the Old Washington style are often not complementary i went to go back and forth between government domestic policy roles and fears frontline advocacy in the future and wondered about the liability so what advice you have for someone like me who wants to follow you as an advocate and a policymaker. What a great question. Not sure that skills that word transfer into a governing skill set have to ask about it and to know exactly who i was so i drew some confidence from that. Those are more related than i thought they would be but if you are moving from being an advocate to governing and back again those that will impose a righteousness test or except how you use the tools. Working in an administn who wants you to know, and ive had that much. They had been advocating. Every single time its a continuum and organizing another continuum between your job to find where you belong. You need good people at every point on the continuum. Where i thought i belonged when i got my first job turned out to be wrong and i learned i was better at something else, thats your job is to figure out where your voice is the strongest and where you are engaged in what makes your heart sing when you wake up in the morning and that is the work that he will be effective at doing. Theres a marvelous part of the book where you describe you should be on the front lines and we were talking about the crisis many of us feel we just are not doing enough. We are sitting in our houses and emails and you write very powerfully this is not for me and that is important for all of us. We have to accept the gifts we have and how we can contribute even though we might wish or think that others are contributing more. Theres a question asking im curious about the work place system if they are likely to revert to the existing or Hidden Networks that exclude us and whether we trust ourselves in a crisis and what advice do you have for us. Guest that is a wonderful question. Obviously we are living through a crisis now and you can definitely feel we are all kind of thinking through like what do we know about anything remotely resembling situations like this, where the leaders, while they were men, by definition looking back in history and what were the systems like and what were the ways people made decisions that kept people safe. You revert to those because that is the cap that has been borne that it doesnt necessarily mean that those systems were the right ones or they were appropriate for our kind of time, and what we have learned about the previous crisis is what has come down to us from people who were focusing on a certain kind of leadership and not other kinds of leadership. During the Second World War women were not as important as men, of course we were, but we learned less about that. We dont win we think abou wheno was making the decisions and how did the big stuff happen, you know, theres a lot written and what we learned about at that level of leadership and a lot less about what was happening in the realm of women were engaged in and so i feel excited that we are living in a time that we are reworking those paradigms and beginning to understand leadership in a different way and people who made an enormous contribution because that teaches us a lot about what we need to know right now in this minute in this crisis how to make a Community Together and make sure we are watching out for each other and make sure people that are formidable get protected and frankly help to make sure when we are on the other side that we become a society that we should be. Going back to the old way of making decisions it definitely isnt going to be the way to make the world would they need it to be. The so i think it is something to understand but also to resist if that makes sense. Theres a related question that i find interesting given the way we are all working today. Do you think the dynamics will change the end do you have any advice i think that is interesting because certainly in some ways everybody could be seen equally but in other ways it may be even harder to assert yourself. Im interested in what you have to say. Its an interesting question. What ive noticed i think that chatterbox has opened up and created more space like whether we are directors, we are trying to have people participate in ways that have not happened before. It doesnt feel as risky as speaking up and everybody turned their attention. We were commenting [inaudible] in some ways i think it is creating space by leveraging some of those tools, but like anything i think it also has to be intentional on the part of the person that is leading the conversation as well as part of what your book affirms because you are more than ready and more powerful than you think so there is a twoway part but its a virtual level and i also think the Online Community has created more of this benefit of the anonymity. Im quite fascinated by havent been able to read all of the chapters but theres like a whole different conversation happening which is great. You are right in this kind of the world we are living in is shifting in ways that i think are interesting. What i was reflecting on in the last few days i dont get to see anymore because i dont interact with them otherwise and thinking how do i make time to connect in a way that you would at the watercooler. But if we connect with and learn about their experience on any given day and i think we need to think about how to build them. If you make yourself available thats kind of unexpected so thats an interesting point. I would say yes it is as if people were able to pass notes to everybody. It reminds me of this but how do you address men who talk to you in an angry or dismissive way . Do you adopt a friendly strategy or do you come at them in a similar way, so a very specific question. I can think of some examples of times when this has happened. I tend to get relief calm and focused and in particular again im small in stature so men getting pesky often involves like size. My defense is to frankly be smarter [inaudible] sorry that is my land line ringing. But they frankly are not being smart so i tend to calm down, get very focused and make sure i have solid reasoning and i can lean into the stuff that i know and to express it well rather than trying to land on the same playing field. I used to push back the and would very quickly be overpowered. Assertion isnt something that you will win in that situation, but i found over time that often if you flip it back on the other person and also know the place, so for what its worth, that is a proven marital strategy anyway. We have a question here from the Foundation President that says, and this is just a comment but i will read it, cecelia has provided a board which we both served at the imperative is to build the machinery of change that may require a long time to build but as activating womens rights and she embodies the kind of fears and intelligence patient that does indeed change the world. Then there is another question for both of you from robinson that says what is your best advice for a white woman to not only be an ally but an accomplice in making change and i think thats an important question for many of us. That is a great question. I think it involves some listening and the best situations like that but ive been in when people ask what do you need, what can i do, how can i support you, so i will give an example, as you heard at the very beginning, promoting a book that ive written an proud of the book but it feels too much like selfpromotion to be in my comfort zone. One of our wonderful colleagues knows me well and knows me well enough to know that so she marched into my office basically to say i know this is uncomfortable for you and here are things i think i can do that you are not going to like to do. That isnt necessarily related to race but it is a strategy and it helps me to be able to ask, but ive actually done in this case. But here is what i see and i think you might need but let me check and let me show up in a way that is kind of observant to what you need to move forward. What would you say . Listening is part of it and the trusts to be open to hearing what works to be co we are experiencing or need. Weve had conversations over the years and i think weve worked close together enough speed to but i think theres another piece, the listening and trust are not enough but the asking is part of it which is if you are more aware they are in circles that we are not of course that you speak out and Say Something that you not only observed this thing to Say Something about it or do something about it in order for the change to have been so that is the other piece i would add to the equation. Another example is recently an invitation to a dinner of scholars it was a group of maybe 40 people and i detected may be one of two people of color in the room and one way to be their ally in that situation we are talking about communities of color except a bunch of wonderful experts that have dedicated their lives to this but they are almost all white. One way to be an ally is to be the person that picked it up and not expect one or two people with clear to say you know maybe it isnt enough to be talking about this subject. That reminds me we were having a conversation about diversity on our panels making some conversations and there was a person who made a comment and i was getting hot. I couldnt believe what i was hearing. The also they were not doing it on my behalf, so i didnt have to be one of the key people at a comment that was made a. It goes a long way. You caught that comment and its great to relate but they also need to do something about it so weve got to put all of those pieces together. A lot of times if a woman makes a comment and its ignored and then a man makes the same comment im often the person that will very deliberately say yes, as she said, or yes, to remind everybody wait a minute the person that really made that comment first was a woman. When a man does that i could just hug him. Comingoing to the level of poing out that actually it was a womans voice and to make sure that shes heard, so those things can make a huge difference in many different situations. There is a related question from sharon and it says im interested in whether the three of you and the women you talk to salt sometimes the burden of expectation that they would play a certain part in the workplace as the social cheerleader, do you feel in particular as women of color that you are supposed to play a certain role . That is a great question. I dont think its necessarily a certain role unless your job is to be the person of color in the room. We did talk about that, when you feel like you are only there for a little bit. I have had somebody say to me and you come to this meeting tomorrow because we are having a meeting on this thing and realized we didnt invite any women or people of color and urls, would you come. It was an honest description of why they were inviting me, but it doesnt speak to whether or not they expected [inaudible] so there is the role and it happens all the time. But im not sure that aside from that there is a specific role that we feel we need to play. Its more that you feel that theres a certain kind of spotlight always on and it never goes off and you are just aware of it all the time. Thats how i experience it. I certainly dont feel that at all, im liberated enough way that it is the one thing you dont want to take away and i dont think it happens is that you only need one africanamerican, one woman, because they are as diverse as whatever is the most diverse thing that there is and if you think about it, your own family and how in your family you are different from the rest of them but such is the case in many different culture, so you have this weight or you can feel the spotlight that somehow youve are the spokesperson. And you know thats just not true. When we do something i try to get those perspectives because i know my experience is not another person, woman of color and we should bring all of that into the conversation and i dont think there is enough reality even though weve said it for decades now the reality. We are coming to the end and im going to ask a specific question and then we will turn over to some closing thoughts what do you do when you are asked to speak on diversity. Suddenly im supposed to be the expert, and the National Security expert, what do i know about women in foreignpolicy. Im an immigration expert among many other things. What do you do their . Theres a couple of strategies by what you think that this is my area of expertise, right to go back of asking the question, to turn it back on the person whos asking, whos making it very obvious that theyve at least figured out they needed a panel on diversity so they can do that they need some diversity on the panel. But i think it is okay to reject the notion that because we are the one person of color on the panel but our expertise is actually diverse. I think its okay to ask, and ive now maybe regular habit if somebodys asking me to be on a panel i will ask him i the only person of color on this panel, who else is on the panel . It frequently causes discomfort which that is fine with me and its useful to turn the question back on the person asking like why should the burden be on you to it as plain come it doesnt mean im an expert in diversity. [laughter] jesus told us about your inner sources of strength when faced with a personal attack and you have talked about that, but i think that really is a comment on your sources of strength and all of us have witnessed that. Im going to ask you all to reflect in sort of your closing remarks, im curious about your thoughts on the nature of power. Frederick douglass has said power concedes nothing without demand. If we simplify the Current Situation to white men have the power and how much is needed on our part collectively, how do you think about that . We have a quote from Frederick Douglass in a reference to the Current Situation and maybe in invitation to get some final thoughts. They want to go first . I will comment on the point that is very true if we look at history a team fro came from pog demanded and part of my fear over these last few years is the things that weve allowed to go unchecked or weve only spoken about it in our eco timber but we havent used real action to demand and there are understandable schools of thought but theres a whole lot that has happened between here and there that we have what happened and we havent gone into that cover shift and i absolutely agree when i think about some of the changes that ive made as a leader i rely on the voice and that feedback that says we need to do something differently as part of the world that our current speake speakere house has been very clear that you cannot expect people to give up power. You have to know what you want it for and be prepared to use it. Indexing resources and strengths of the pieces of advice that i cite the meaning if you know who you are and where you belong and you have people in your life that you get a substance from then you can go out there and be boss and demand power and act as an advocate and care much less about whether or not those people like you. Im not sure whether nancy pelosi worries if Mitch Mcconnell likes for. She has this stuff at her core that allows her to do uncomfortable things and that is advice that ive taken to heart when things get hard and things get hard for any person in life, this isnt just true of people of color but this notion is about making a difference and if you know that its easier to go out and do it and people can say things about you that make you feel uncomfortable you dont have to care because youre getting your love at home. That is a beautiful note on which to end and i will say i remember early on when i first started to bleed, my brother was in Investment Banking and would say to me it isnt personal, and i do think many women in particular are more inclined to take criticism personally, we are socialized to be hypersensitive and the pointless guess people are going to tend to ask you things that it isnt personal but its more like a Football Game or just dont assume that its aimed at you. I think that it does help to get into close by suggesting to everybody again to go buy this book. It is my honor to read it. Its a great read. Im learning things. Its funny, its tender and fierce in places. Its a wonderful read and i want to end by saying it is a book for our times. We are in a crisis that demands many different kinds of leadership and crisis that demands care and kindness and connection and solidarity. We are in a crisis that requires that they dra we draw on the taf everybody and women of color and we are grateful for this book, so i thank all of you for being part of this conversation. We look forward to seeing you all again. Host bestselling author James Patterson is our guest on booktv. The author of about 160 bucks or so. Your most recent, the hous housf kennedys and nonfiction. Guest yes, ive done a little nonfiction. Welcome to my house. We are sheltering in florida which is a good place to shelter. Host how many non fictions have you written . Guest i dont count, so probably four or five. The first one was jeffrey epstein, filthy rich, which is now i think i just dropped the video today, it is a fourpart video ink
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