they're also filled with delicious cinnamon-y sugar! having dry skin is a struggle. turns out, my body wash was the problem. but with olay ultra moisture body wash, my skin went from dry and dull to visibly healthy in just 14 days. better skin from a body wash? you better believe it. with olay body. >i spend a lot of time sin my truck.y? it's my livelihood. ♪ rock music >> man: so i'm not taking any chances when something happens to it. so when my windshield cracked... my friend recommended safelite autoglass. >> tech: hi, i'm adrian. >> man: thanks for coming. >> tech: oh, no problem. >> tech: check it out. >> man: yeah. they came right to me, with expert service where i needed it. that's service i can trust... no matter what i'm hauling. right, girl? >> singers: ♪ safelite repair, safelite replace. ♪ that's why xfinity mobile lets you design your own data. you can share 1, 3, or 10 gigs of data between lines, mix in lines of unlimited, and switch it up at any time. all with millions of secure wifi hotspots and the best lte everywhere else. it's a different kind of wireless network, designed to save you money. switch and save up to $400 a year on your wireless bill. and save even more when you say "bring my own phone" into your voice remote. that's simple, easy, awesome. click, call or visit a store today. i'm not picking it up. you pick it up! i'm not picking it up. well somebody's gotta pick it up! i'll pick it up! they're clean! ♪ 'cuz my hiney's clean. oh yeah i'm charmin clean. ♪ ♪ that's how i know they're clean. ♪ charmin ultra strong is woven like a washcloth and just cleans better. ♪ yeah, i'm charmin clean. that's right my hiney's clean. ♪ the kid does have a point! enjoy the go with charmin. and for an extra clean finish... try charmin flushable wipes. uh, "fifteen minutes could save you 15%ain? or more on car insurance." i think we're gonna swap over to "over seventy-five years of savings and service." what, we're just gonna swap over? yep. pump the breaks on this, swap it over to that. pump the breaks, and, uh, swap over? that's right. instead of all this that i've already-? yeah. what are we gonna do with these? keep it at your desk, and save it for next time. geico. over 75 years of savings and service. walkabout wednesdays are back! get a sirloin or chicken on the barbie, fries, and a draft beer or coca-cola - all for just $10.99. hurry in! wednesdays are for outback. outback steakhouse. aussie rules. pure gold, we'll help transition 6 square feet of farmland to organic. every 6-pack. 6 square feet can go organic. ♪ every 6-pack. 6 square feet can go organic. where'd you get this from? melanie! hey. you came back. yeah, i'm coming back to the city. thought about what you said, and you were right. if you can make it work, literally anyone can. okay. like anyone on this bus. all right. i have a confession to make. you dropped this in the bar, and i took it. oh, you can keep that. i am so done with sand. if you have $5-- no. okay. thank you. love you, nora. i love you. we will watch "dirty dancing 2: havana nights." "havana nights." it's "havana nights." i just need my space. (latin music playing) (singing in spanish) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> live from comedy central in new york, "the daily show" presents the speechment after the impeachment. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: this is "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! let's do it, people! take a seat! i'm trevor noah! welcome to our live state of the union show. we're live, baby, and if you don't believe me, i'll show you now on the app the democratic party made. it says here it is now 2:00 p.m. on saturday. okay. anyway, we are live. you'll just have to believe me. less than an hour ago, president trump finished his third state of the union address. now the state of the union has been going on for hundreds of years, i know that. but when you take a step back, you have to admit, it's weird as a tradition. because why does the president get to give his own job evaluation? that is strange. nobody else gets to do that. he's up there, like, my economy, the best ever. my military, the best ever. my children -- eh, d-plus. eric. eric, you're holding us down. ( laughter ) this year's state of the union was extra weird because in case you forgot, it's happening right in the middle of trump's impeachment. so, for months, democrats have been saying trump is a threat to democracy and a danger to the public but now they have to clap while he gives a speech. it's like being in the middle of firing so someone who's bridge rapt at work but get interrupted by his birthday party. you're always late, you're -- ♪ happy birthday to you happy birthday to you ♪ ( applause ) ( laughter ) now, not everyone was willing to deal with tonight's speech. ten democrats said they were going to boycott the speech including alexandria ocasio-cortez. ( cheers and applause ) she was, like, none of this is normal andly not legitimize it, which makes sense, and i am totally going to use that excuse to get out of any plans in the future. i'm going to be, like, it is not normal to throw a gender reveal party! i will not legitimize it! ( laughter ) but for those who showed up they witnessed naps pelosi trying to shake trump's hand but he was having none of it. oh! that's embarrassing. that's embarrassing. look, either trump didn't see pelosi's hand or he just didn't want to shake it. honestly, i think it was probably for the best because she's wearing a white suit and she would have nowhere to wipe off the chicken grease that's always on the president's hands, that combined with spray tan, doesn't come out. ( laughter ) awkward handshake aside, trump was focused tonight and he dove right into his greatest hit. >> i am thrilled to report to you tonight that our economy is the best it's ever been. our families are flourishing, our values are renewed, our pride is restored. the state of our union is stronger than ever before. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: oh, man! oh, man! you know what i love about old black people's faces? they always tell the truth. if you can tell, the congressman didn't agree with that one. that's the face of every old timer in the barbershop who says any basketball player is better than jordan. come on, plan! he's got six rings and beat the monsters, come on, man! ( laughter ) traditionally, the state of the union is more about what the president has done than what he plans to do, but tonight trump took a lot of time out of his speech to show off his player-hating degree. >> if we hadn't reversed the failed economic policies of the previous administration, the world would not now be witnessing this great economic success. my administration reversed the failing policies of the previous administration on cuba. under the last administration, more than 10 million people were added to the food stamp rolls. in eight years under the last administration, over 300,000 working-age people dropped out of the workforce. >> trevor: come on, really? it's been three years since obama's been out of the white house, but still trump is obsessed with it. i wonder if he does this with melania, too. like, remember your ex ivan? well, guess what, he still works at the slovenian good locker and i bet you he never got you your own bedroom to sleep in. ( laughter ) last year trump took a lot of flack for delivering a state of the union address during black history month and barely mentioning black people but this month the commander-in-chief rolled in on the soul train. >> african-american youth unemployment reached an all-time low. african-american poverty has declined to the lowest rate ever recorded. we achieved record and permanent funding for our nation's historically black colleges and universities. opportunity zones, a plan spearheaded by senator tim scott as part of our great republican tax cuts. opportunity zones are helping americans like army veteran tony rankins. a few weeks ago signed a bill promoting charles magee to brigadier general. thank you, sir. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: yeah, donald trump made sure that this time his speech was a lot more black, yeah, though i do think he went too far when he delivered the rest of the speech in a do rag. what was a bit extreme. that was a bit extreme. ( laughter ) now, affect, no trump speech would be complete without an absolute blatant lie. and for tonight's address, trump went with an old classic, and that is that he's the champion of healthcare. >> i've also made an iron-clad pledge to american families, we will always protect patients with pre-existing conditions. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: really? that lie is so extreme that if trump was pi pinocchio he would have impaled mitch mcconnell in his seat. stabbed him in the chest. mrrr... joke's on you, i'm all skin, mrrrr... ( laughter ) ( applause ) here's the truth, trump's administration is in court trying to skill pre-existing conditions again. so him saying he's the champion of pre-existing conditions is like the coronavirus saying, i love chinese people, i really do! half( laughter ) trump did what he does best, creating a show made for tv. >> i can proudly announce tonight that an opportunity scholarship has become available. it's going to you, and you will soon be heading to the school of your choice. ( cheers and applause ) and, rush, in recognition of all that you have done for our nation, i am proud to announce tonight that you will be receiving our country's highest civilian honor, the presidential medal of freedom. ( cheers and applause ) tonight we have a very special surprise. i am thrilled to inform you your husband is back from deployment. he is here with us tonight and we couldn't keep him waiting any longer! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: he might not be a great president, but you have to admit, this man knows how to put on a show. the entire night, he kept announcing surprise after surprise after surprise. i thought by the end of the night he was going to go, believe it or not, folks, i've locked up hillary clinton! bring out the cage! bring out the cage, jeffrey epstein! that's right, folks! surprise, surprise! ( laughter ) so, that was the final state of the union of trump's first term and judging by the 212 standing ovations on trump-putin side, they're loving their guy. as far as the democrats, i think nancy pelosi's actions speak louder than words. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you. god bless you, and god glees bless america. thank you very much. >> a moment here at the end of the president's speech, nancy pelosi tearing up what appeared to be a copy of the president's speech. >> trevor: holy shit! nancy pelosi has done it again. i feel like every year she finds a new way to show trump just how little she thinks of him and his speeches. last way you remember it was the sideways clap, remember that? and this year she rips up his speech. trump better pray he doesn't get another state of the union, because next time she'll show up and throw vegetables at him during the speech. no vegetables! no! i'd rather be reimpeached! ( laughter ) on a normal night, the state of the union would be the major news, but right now -- and here's something you only hear every four years -- everyone is talking about iowa. ( laughter ) yeah, because last night was the iowa caucuses. the first vote of the democratic primary campaign. normally we would know who won but this year democrats decided to use a new app to help count the votes, and it has not gone as planned. >> the only results from the iowa caucus at this hour are chaos and confusion. >> chaos, confusion, meltdown, pick your adjective to describe iowa caucuses. >> what a mess! this is not the finish anyone expected. >> it certainly was a mess, and some here are calling it a disaster. >> organizers in the state cite a domino effect of problems for the delay. several issues with the new app where results were to be inputted. >> they had a really crummy app that screwed up the entire thing. >> right now no idea when we are going to know the results. >> so everyone really is just waiting for these official results. >> so we wait and, at the moment, we have nothing. >> you know what i love about cable news in america is their dedication to filling air time with actually nothing. ( laughter ) they're, like, we're not getting any results, nothing is happening. do you want to cover the coronavirus or other international news? no, no, we'll just keep talking about how nothing is happening. anything yet? no, nothing. more nothing. okay. more nothing. yeah. but, yes, the app, the democrat's commission got it to make voting easier, ended up malfunctioning and screwing up the entire night. the average age of the party leadership is 85 years old. the only thing they know about apps can you get one free with the early bird special. that's it. honestly, it's a little embarrassing for the world's greatest democracy to have such a hard time counting votes. america is usually the one teaching the rest of the world how to vote. maybe next time africa should send election observers to iowa. we have been fixing elections for many years. don't worry! ( laughter ) ( applause ) so because of this app, the whole night was thrown into upper chaos, nobody knew what the problem was, nobody knew who won, and eventually the candidates got tired of waiting, and they came out to try to spin the nonresults in the best way they could, oh, we're happy, great, things will be good for us, but one candidate took it to the next level. >> so we're still waiting for any results from last night's iowa democratic caucuses, but that hasn't stopped candidates from spinning the non-existent results. former mayor of south bend pete buttigieg declares victory overnight. listen. >> we know by the time it's all said and done, iowa, you have shocked the nation. by all indications, we are going on to new hampshire victorious! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh? okay, pete. he's going to come out and claim victory even though no results were in at that point? that's a pretty bold move. maybe anytime anything's ambiguous, he jumps in. nobody knows who built stonehenge -- oh, it was me. i did it. i did it. ( laughter ) the whole night was chaos, and what's really interesting is that, even before last night's meltdown, people were worried about relying on this app, right? but the head of iowa's democratic party was, like, don't worry, baby, we've got this. >> the day before the caucus, we asked state party chairman troy price if he had any fear about tech glitches or other problems. do you have a nightmare scenario or what do you do about it? >> this is probably the most prepared we've ever been for these caucuses. we've run through a few different scenarios, but i can tell you we're ready. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: this is the most prepared you've ever been as a party? so what would have happened if you didn't prepare? bad news, everyone! the app automatically changed all the votes to the geico lizard, so he's our nominee now! ( laughter ) even though last night was a disaster, honestly, the caucus system wasn't that great even before the app meltdown. it was a crazy system. even in the iowa caucus you don't just come in and vote. it's a complicated system where you spend hours walking around and building coalitions in a hot gym. like a high school dance without the possibility of a hand job. ( laughter ) and apparently when there's a tie, that's when the rules get really dumb. >> there's 11 delegates to split up and you can't split them in half to the fairest way to decide is a coin toss. >> call heads or tails. tails. urn it over. heads. >> trevor: okay. ( laughter ) it's bad enough to break ties with a coin flip but it looked like this guy didn't even know how to do a coin flip. you can't have people that young flipping coins. they don't use real money anymore. we're lucky he didn't open the venmo on his phone and just throw it up in the air. what was that? ( laughter ) ( applause ) so the iowa caucuses were a mess, and it never would have happened if the democrats didn't try to rely on that new fancy app. luckily, though -- luckily -- there's another hot new solution that just came out of silicon valley that can fix voting forever. >> introducing the latest in voting technology, thousands of years in the making, meet paper, the newest innovation in counting ballots. it's only half a millimeter thin, fits in your pocket and holds its charge forever. paper has a user friendly interface for election officials of any age with cutting edge technology, really cutting edge. ow! available in both mini and pro models. best of all, it's hacker-proof and always beats rock. paper. why complicate things? >> trevor: i can't wait for the future! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) (lisa) it's good to be transparent. at h&r block, you know the price before you begin. it makes things... [thud] ...crystal clear. (lisa vo) upfront transparent pricing. (lisa) sorry trevor. (lisa vo) know the price before you begin. it's better with block. the new rx. crafted by lexus. lease the 2020 rx 350 for $419 a month for 36 months. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. lease the 2020 rx 350 for $419 a month for 36 months. michael, your a singer. bubly is a sparkling water. sure is. bubly sparkling water. pack a smile. (food sizzles othat sizzle, that's the soundtrack of chipotle. (director) the soundtrack of chipotle? oh yeah, you come in you're going to be hearing that sizzle. that's how you know that we always have fresh food. (director) fresh! is what you stand for. (giggling) exactly no. uh uh, no way. ♪ come on. no. no. n... ni ni, no no! only discover has no annual fee on any card. on iphone 11 that will have youh seeing double. n... ni ni, no no! right now, switch to t-mobile and get 2 lines of unlimited for only $90 and 2 iphone 11s on us. all on t-mobile's newest, most powerful signal that goes farther than ever before. get twice the deal, 2 lines of unlimited for $90 and 2 iphone 11s on us. ♪ only at t-mobile. (hundred bands in my pocket, it's on me (on me) yeah, your grandmama probably know me (know me) it's a moment when i show up, got 'em sayin', "wow" new doritos flamin' hot limon. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." president trump wasn't the only person giving a speech tonight. after he finished his state of the union union, michigan governor gretchen whitmer gave the democratic response speech. victoria escobar gave the spanish response. we at "the daily show" have our own annual response where we cover tissues that are especially important to black america. please raise, not likely, just clap as for the annual state ofe shit address. >> good evening americans, black people and people of color. >> i'm roy wood, jr. coming to you from a popeyes owned by sedric the entertainer. these black people are gathered to once again ask ourself the question, where we is? laugh raff we can't deny we had setbacks in 2019. let's start with this presidential race. all our black candidates are gone. kamala gone, cory, done. deval patrick, come on. right now the blackest person in the race is andrew yang. and, no, he is not related to the i didn't ying yang twins. i made that same mistake. ( laughter ) but by campaigning on giving all americans $1,000 a month, yang is doing one of the blackest things, promising to hook everybody up before he even got the damn job. y'all know how we do. ( applause ) that is how we do. one time i apply for a job at best buy. i texted half of birmingham. one of black america's biggest setbacks happened at the beginning of 2019. the case of justice smollett. what was he doing? what's worse, a black man doing a hate crime or being out at 2:00 a.m. to eat a subway. but 2019 wasn't all bad. black excellence overflowed in the world of entertainment. tyler perry opened one of the largest movie studios in the country. spike lee won his first oscar. billy porter won an emmy and every red carpet he walked on. ( cheers and applause ) and, of course, lil nas x made the biggest country hit of the year. we finally got one! we got us a country hit! this must be how white people felt when vanilla ice came out. ( applause ) and let's not forget about lizzo. ( cheers and applause ) she sang, she rapped, she terkd and did the unthinkable, she made playing the flute black as hell. lizzo can turn anything white thing into a black thing. i bet on the next album she will be speaking to a manager at the gap! ( laughter ) in sports, in sports we celebrate super bowl m.v.p. patrick mahomes whose last-minute comeback propelled him to victory against the san francisco niners. i know everybody says he's half white, but it must be his black side that won the game because it showed up late in the fourth quarter. ( applause ) we also congratulate sister meg meghan markel who made history by telling the royal family to shove that crown up their ass! ( cheers and applause ) thank you to ms. markel, america is 2 and 0 against the british empire. that's what you get. and this brings me to the future of black shift. what's in store for us in the year 2020. this year we will be supporting black businesses, cheering on sister simone bias at the olympics and supporting our candidates in record numbers, but mostly to see if obama shows up because we miss him. ( applause ) the black citizens, when you ask the question, where we is? i stand here to say to you all the state of black shit is, whoo, goddam! god bless you all! god bless black people! and god bless the series finale on starz! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everybody! we'll be right back! it's time to step up. prep up. step up. prep up. to help keep you free from the risk of hiv. from the makers of truvada, a new prep option: descovy for prep. a once-daily prescription medicine that helps lower the chances of getting hiv through sex. it's not for everyone. descovy for prep has not been studied in people assigned female at birth. talk to your doctor to find out if it's right for you. step up. for health and body. prep up for your one and only love or many loves. for kings, this queen, and you royals in between. for my now. our now. and my future. our future. step up. prep up. descovy is the newest way to prep. descovy does not prevent other sexually transmitted infections, so it's important to use safer sex practices and get tested regularly. you must be hiv-negative to take descovy for prep. so you need to get tested for hiv immediately before and at least every 3 months while taking it. if you think you were exposed to hiv or have flu-like symptoms, tell your doctor right away. they may check to confirm you are still hiv-negative. serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. rare, life-threatening side effects include a build-up of lactic acid and liver problems. the most common side effect was diarrhea. tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. if you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking descovy without talking to your doctor. ask your doctor about your risk of hiv and if descovy for prep is right for you. words are loud but actions are louder. step up. prep up. with descovy for prep. get help paying for descovy for prep. learn more at stepupprepup.com ♪ ...with the same refreshing taste as the original... ...but without any of the sugar. ahhhhhhh! here's mtn dew zeroooooo. i'm am thirsty! here's mtn dew zeroooooo. hurricanes. tornadoes. donald trump is making it worse. trump:"all of this with the global warming. a lot of it's a hoax." vo: mike bloomberg knows the science and understands the challenge, he's led an effort that has shut down half the nation's dirty polluting coal plants so far. as president, a plan for 80% clean energy by 2028 - cutting carbon emissions and creating millions of clean energy jobs. mike will get it done. i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. a lot will happen in your life. wrinkles just won't. neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair's fastest retinol formula works so fast. it takes only one week to reveal younger looking skin. making wrinkles look so last week. rapid wrinkle repair® pair with retinol oil for 2 times the wrinkle fighting power. neutrogena® who doesn't love a deal? i do. check out the united explorer card. savin' on this! savin' on this! savin' in here. rewarded! learn more at the explorer card dot com. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight isñi ançó authr and lgbtq advocate and host of the public affairs show "firing line" with margaret hoover on pbs. please welcome margaret hoover! ( cheers and applause ) so let's jump into it from a perspective that i think is really unique. you have often referred to yourself as añi republican in exile. you know, as somebody who saidñi you're not happy with where the republican party has gone, you feeleth hyperpartisan, people are afraid to stand up to the president. the state of the union isñi interesting because the president says things people like, don't like, and moment where everybody stands. as a republican who is not a complete fan of president trump, what did you like about tonight? >> i loved hisñi shout out toñie president of venezuela, juan guaido. democrats applauded that. >> trevor: nancy pelosi stood up. everybody was happy in that moment. >> it was a wonderful moment to see the reunification of the soldier and his wife and son and daughter, fromñr afghanistan. but i also think of john mccain, the man who served five years in a prison cell the size of thisñi table, who couldn't shake your hand normally, whose son was on the front lines in iraq when he was advocating running for president and he wouldn't even mention him. this man, the president of the united states, never served a day in his family and he's using
Related Keywords
Australia , Afghanistan , Iraq , New Hampshire , United States , Havana , Ciudad De La Habana , Cuba , Slovenia , Iowa , Ying Yang , Henan , China , Whitehouse , District Of Columbia , Spain , Venezuela , Jordan , Slovenian , Americans , America , Spanish , Chinese , Aussie , American , Deval Patrick , Oscar Billy Porter , Nancy Pelosi , Andrew Yang , Mike Bloomberg , Eric , Tyler Perry , Gretchen Whitmer , Charles Magee , John Mccain , Margaret Hoover , Roy Wood Jr ,
comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.