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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

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Hey, cartman howre you feeling . Pretty good, except i had the weirdest dream last night. Really, what about . Well, i dreamed that i was a poor vietnamese girl, and you guys made me ride a big scary bull, and then Leonardo Dicaprio gave me a spank for several hours. Hey, how did you guys won those terrence and phillip dolls . Oh, nowhere. Ha, ha, ha. Wait a minute, you guys did make me ride that bull no, cartman, that was just a dream. Bye ming lee. Thanks again. Ha, ha, ha. Son of a bitch captioning made possible by Comedy Central from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for coming out, as always. Thank you for coming out. Wow im trevor noah. Lets do this thing. Our guest tonight is an upandcoming actor from west philadelphia, born and raised. The one and only will smith is joining us, everybody. cheers and applause so exciting. Were going to be chatting to him about his new movie. Also on tonights show, there are crazy balloons on the loose. America is now under chinese law. And roy wood jr. Finds the republicans who want to take down donald trump. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with the Supreme Court. Americas highest court and the place Ruth Bader Ginsburg goes in between workouts. laughter yesterday, the court heard oral arguments in a big case that could have major impacts on the workplace. The Supreme Court is back at work this week, and today it heard arguments in one of the most important cases of its new term. Does existing law protect l. G. B. T. Q. Employees on the job . The justices heard the case of gerald bostock, fired from a county job in georgia, after joining a gay softball league. He sued, but lower courts threw his case out. They ruled that the 1964 civil rights act, signed by president johnson, which bans job discrimination on the basis of race and sex, among other factors, does not cover sexual orientation. Bostocks lawyer says firing someone for being gay is discrimination based on sex. Trevor man, this is going to be a huge case. And were going to have to wait to see what the court decides. But if you ask me, its crazy that you can fire someone for being gay. You know . I mean, like, if you get fired at work, it should only be for work reasons, like stealing or not showing up or saying you like the final episode of game of thrones. You should be fired. laughter its like a big deal. Also, ive always wondered, how do you fire someone for being gay . You cant tell who is gay. If people havent come out, you dont know. You dont know what gay is. Are you going to have bosses walk up to employees, youre fired for being gay. Hes like, im not gay, im just southern. laughter oh, im sorry. I got confused. Im sorry. You realize this ruling could also affect everyone, not just gay people. Because by this logic, if you extend the logic, anything you do in your sex life could be grounds for losing your jobs. Your sexual preference. Thats what theyre saying. If youre one of those people who is really quiet during sex, you could lose your job at the mall. If youre in to domination and humiliating people you could lose your job at verizon customer service. laughter and if youre the type of person who doesnt believe in the female orgasm you could lose your job as Vice President of the united states. It could be really bad. You dont know. I dont want that to happen to him. But actually iming honest. Im looking forward to this decision because the people who get mad about other people having sex are the ones who arent getting any themselves. See were going to know by the way they vote who on the Supreme Court bleep . And finally, a story about a genderreveal party that turned into a disaster. I mean, it startedaise disaster, because it was a gender reveal party, but things only got worse from there. They thought they planned the perfect gender reveal, then this happened. Gender reveal gone wrong. Oh, nic strike out this couple cant pop the big balloon. Instead, this happens oh, no byebye, balloon. Dad makes chase, but cant make it over that fence. Trevor laughter oh, man all right, kid, i dont know if youre a boy or a girl, but i do know your dads a little bitch. Thats what we learned. applause cheers and applause you know what kills me about this video is they went after the balloon like it was the only way ton their kids gender. Like, 10 years from now, the kids going to be like, mom, am i a boy or a girl . Theyre like, well never know until we find that balloon. And the balloon, the balloon flew away like it was woke as hell. The balloon was like, i reject the premise that this gender is something that can be predetermined applause ill be honest with you, like, i actually think gender reveal parties are come dumbledorf. I dont know why anybody does them. They play it out now. Nobody cares what gender the kid turns out to be. We need dad reveal parties. At a new thing i thought of. Where the mother invites the potential fathers, and then the d. N. A. Test is in the balloon. That will be way more excite, and you should have a surprise applause and you dont lose anything. You dont lose anything. There are still going to be sticks and someone will definitely still be jumping over a fence. It will be like, james, you said you were just a friend. All right, thats it for the headlines. Lets move on to our top story. applause the n. B. A. , 29 of the worlds best basketball teams and, also, the knicks. laughter the regular season hasnt even kicked off yet, but theres already been a ton of drama. Now, have you. Been keeping up, last week, the general manager of the Houston Rockets posted a tweet in support of the prodemocracy protests in hong kong. And the n. B. A. Quickly put out a statement distancing themselves from that tweet. What was funny about this, though, was that the English Version of the statement was very different from what it was being translated to for the chinese incident. So, like, in english the statement was basically, hey, china, were sorry youre offended. The mandarin was, rest assured, china, we will feet feedthis man to the wolves. Laf laugh then here in america people were pissed that the n. B. A. Was kowtowing to china. So yesterday, they went into damage control mode. Ask things have only escalated from there. Theres new fallout this evening in the n. B. A. s firestorm with china. The n. B. A. Tonight fighting back after being blasted for caving to chinas communist government. Comugzer adam silver, defending Houston Rockets g. M. Daryl morey. We are not apologizing for darrell exercising his freedom of expression. Shortly after adam silver, fresh backlash from the chinas regime. Canc lung a Brooklyn Nets event at a shanghai school. China has started pulling down signage. At least two retailers have pulled merchandise from their website. China state tv said it wont broadcast or stream n. B. A. Preseason games in china. Trevor oh, no not the preseason no laughter nobody cares about the preseason games. Fans in america are like, cuban them here as well . Can you. Yeah, the preseason is just like the boring stuff were forced to sit through before the main event. Like, khanna banning preseason is like disney getting rid of its lines. Im sorry, but youll have to go straight to the rides from now on. I wish it didnt come to this oh, no. Still, china is seriously pissed off about the tweets and theyre pissed off about the response from the n. B. A. And they arent just taking preseason games off the year. Theyre cancelling number events, ripping down n. B. A. Signs everywhere. Everything n. B. A. Related is basically banned no basketball, no lebron, no jumping, yeah. You see a puddle, you just walk right through that shit. And you can have donuts, but no dunkin. laughter and all Office Workers in china, if you need to throw something in the trash, none of this, no buzzer beaters. You get out and place it gently in the bin. laughter so china is basically going to war with the n. B. A. All because of a single tweet. And as surprising as that may seem to some people, the truth is, this kind of thing has been happening between china and American Companies a lot. The n. B. A. Not the only one feeling the heat, either. U. S. Jeweler tiffany also under fire after tweeting an image of a chinese model covering one eye with people believing it was done in solidarity with those hong kong protests. Nike, bowing to pressure from beijing, pulling a sneak frert chinese market. Activision has suspended a professional video game player and taken away his prize money. Apple took the taiwan emoji off its keyboard if you are in hong kong omaco. Marriott apologized to the chinese government. Verpsaki, givenchy, and coach issued apologizes. Mercedesbenz is offering an apology. Gap issued a sincere apology. Delta saying we apologize deeply for the mistake. Trevor china gets offended by a lot of shit like the guy at work who takes everything personally. I like your shoes. You dont like looking at me feet . I do like your feet. Gross, youre a pervert. These companies dont have to take orders from china about what to say or how to act but they do it because nobody wants to lose access to a billion chinese customers. Its a powerful incentive, so powerful, in fact, that chinas influence is affecting how americans can act on american soil. Tonights game between the 76ers and chinas Team Guangzhou loong lions, went on as planned as an International Firestorm hangs over the wells fargo center, and on the sideline, the walking dead and his wife held Free Hong Kong and free h. K. Songs confiscated by security in the first quarter. In the Second Quarter both got kicked out of the game when wachs started yelling Free Hong Kong. As someone who used to live there, he supports the movement. Trevor thats right, fans in philadelphia got kicked out of a basketball game last night for chanting, Free Hong Kong. I didnt realize yelling shit at a basketball game was against the rules. That must have been so confusing for the other fans. The guy next to him was probably like, hey, ben, simmons suck a kardashian bleep . Get out not you, the Free Hong Kong guy. That stuff about the kardashians, that was i had various, carry on. For more on the complicated relationship between china and american businesses we turn to our senior n. B. A. Correspondent, ronny chieng, everybody. cheers and applause ronny. This is a really, really contentious issue right now. What are your thoughts on all of this . Trevor, this whole thing is more disappointing than every meal ive eaten at p. F. Changs. Okay. That place is fake chinese. Im so glad general tsao, isnt around to see what theyve done. Im shocked how the American Companies have behaved. Its complete bullshit and they should be ashamed of themselveses. Trevor this takes guts. Everybody else seems afraid to speak up about china, but you taking a stand is very brave. Well, someone has to say it. In fact, i want to talk to china directly. speaking chinese laughter applause . Trevor wow ronny, like, i dont understand what youre saying, but i can feel your passion, man trevor, please, im not finished. Trevor preach, brother, preach cheers and applause wow wow trevor ronny, that is amazing. Did you did you mention me . I thought i heard my name. Oh, yeah, yeah, i said youre my hero and my friend. laughter trevor im honored, ronny. Youre my hero and my friend. How do i say that in chinese . Close enough. Trevor ronny chieng, everybody. Well be right back. You need to take care of yourself better. I didnt know you cared. I just dont want you to drop dead in front of the customers. I thought we could go for a walk together. To be honest youre not really not my type. Are elves always so cynical . These are dark times. Last christmas i got really ill. So, ah tell me about your diet. Alcohol . Once in a while. Shes drinking like the pirate. Im a mess. I cant do anything. Being human is hard. Just be you. [ screaming ] i did that just incase you thought i was too perfect. This is an ad for a chip we dont need a logo. Its the threesided crunch. You know, that cheesy, spicy, crispycrunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. I need those. An ad with no logo . Its another level. Ahahahahaha. Hahaha. 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It may be news to you that there is also a republican primary happening right now. And the reason you may not know about it is because maybe the g. O. P. Doesnt want you to. You see, the party has already canceled any sort of primary challenge in five states. The question is what has got them so scared. Roy wood jr. Investigates. With all the focus on the democratic primary, people forget that theres also republicans lining up to snatch the nomination from trump. But who the hell are these guys . Lets just say one of them is running on a very Different Party line. Donald trump is a raging racist. What kind of republican candidate calls trump a racist out loud . Im a fiscally conservative, socially liberal republican. I dont even know what that means. All about l. G. B. T. Q. And all about medicinal marijuana, you know, 20 years before anybody else was. Let me get this straight you called trump a racist. Right. Support gay marriage. Support legal weed. Yeah. Jesus christ. Youre a democrat, man. laughter thats democrat shit coming out of your mouth. Im not running as a democrat. Im running as a republican directly against donald trump in the primary. Your bleep sin is blue. Its light blue. I didnt design that. I think there are a lot of people in this country who will vote in the republican primary who are thirsty for something new. Oh, i see what youre doing. Youre positions yourself as the healthier version of trump, right . Like trump zero. You could certainly say that. I dont have demons propelling me forward. Same republican taste, but just none of those filling demons. Taste great, less filling. You got it. The problem for weld is 87 of trump voters think trump is doing a good job, even with all this impeachment shit. So i assembled a focus group of trump voters to see if there really are republicans thirsty for something new. We all know this is our leading brand right now. What drew to you this brand in 2016 . Not a politician. Hes a fighter. Wants to get things done. Was there a moment offer voted for donald trump, that you went, holy shit, i voted for rireality show hntly when i fild in that bubble i did think. Did i make a mistake . And it took a little while to kind of settle down. See, that didnt hit me until charlottesville. Shouldnt be an issue for someone to say, you know, nazi are bad. White supremacy bad. Dont do it. How many of you are concerned by his hesitancy to condemn whies supremacy or anything racist . How many of you all are concerned about the fact that he tweets too manytoo much . Hes got nothing to do but sit on the toilet and tweet about god knows what . Let it go. Show your hands if you feel agitated the way things have gone in the last two, three years. Embarrass said better word. What about embarrassed . Well, what if i told you there was an option other than trump that is republican . Cool. Yeah. You would be open to that. Sure. I would like to introduce to you trump zero. Hes a politician. Hes old trumps old i never said i mean, yeah. Thats jill stein. Its the the next election cycle is jill stein. But his name is bill weld. But, i mean, you could put lipstick on a pig. Its still a pig. Shut the bleep up. laughter applause i just need to show them that welds policies are the flavor theyre looking for, even if it takes all day. Hes fiscally conservative, never been bankrupt. Doesnt tweet at 3 00 in the morning. Probably watched jeopardy hes in bed at 6 40. Handoff approach to markets and and a handsoff approach to grabbing womens genitals. Bill weld says that the government should never be able to stop you from holding a gun or another mans penis in your hand if youre married and gay. Show of hands if youre with him. Oh looks like trump voters are thirsty for change. Now, based on everything that weve discussed today, stand up if you would consider voting for bill weld. laughter now, stand up now. When i say stand up. Damn so no weld . I hope that doesnt mean what i think it means. How many of you are still open to voting for trump again in 2020 . But charlottesville you just said youre not sure if he knows nazis are bad. Stick with the evil that you know. Youve got to be bleep kidding me ill be right back. Good news, they all agree that youre a republican. Bad news youre going to lose. It could be that the three of us running against trump taking up votes from him so we can zoom in the primary, and then, like, the last five sitting president s who had a primary challenge, they go on lose. It wouldnt be win, but it would be a good thing. So even if you dont win, you and the other republicans running against trump could be enough to sink him. You must have done well in school. I did not. laughter . Oh, okay. Well. There you have it. Bill weld a man who is prepared to lose for the good of us all. cheers and applause trevor roy wood jr. , everyone. Well be right back. 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[ turn around, look at me there is someone walking behind you turn around look at me there is someone look at me the amount of Student Loan Debt i have im embarrassed to even say i felt like i was going to spend my whole adult life paying this off thanks to sofi, i can see the light at the end of the tunnel as of 12pm today, i am debt free we have no debt, we dont owe anybody anything, and its fantastic cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight my guest tonight is an Academy Awardnominated actor whose new film is called gemini man. Hey gunfire aarrgh dont shoot him trevor please welcome will smith. cheers and applause wooo love that love that wooo cheers and applause thats enough. Thats thats all we have time for. laughter trevor it was good. It was worth it. Yeah. Trevor welcome back to the show, my friend. Man, i am so happy to be here. Trevor good to see you. You look happy. Yes. Trevor i mean, you always look happy, but im honestly going to say you look happy. Yeah, this last year has probably been the best year of my adult life. Trevor what when people say that, they normally mean like, i got a raise. But you are will smith. Yes. Trevor so if will smith says, this has been the best year of my life, were, like, what were the other ones . What is why . Why would you say that . What does that mean . You know, on my 50th birthday, i went i jumped i did the bungee jump thing, the helicopter over the grand canyon. Trevor right, right, right. The thing white people told you to do, right . Yes. laughter trevor i remember. That i remember that. Its why you need white friends. Trevor that is true, that is true. laughter so i did the bungee out of the helicopter, right. But it was a bigger thing than that for me, right. I had painted myself into a little bit of a of a will smith corner, right. So there were things because i had kids, and because i was will smith, there were things i couldnt say and things i couldnt do, and certain projects i couldnt take. And i had sort of painted myself into a little bit of a fearful corner. And that sort of marked a moment where i told myself, thats it. Im going to do what i want. Im going to say what i want. Im going to live the way i want, without the fear of somehow losing something that that that was precious ive created. And ive been more free and more joyous and more peaceful than in my entire adult life. Trevor that is truly cheers and applause amazing to hear. Because, like, people would never think people would never think that will smith could be at that place in his life. In a weird way, i feel like that is the story of gemini man, right . Exactly. Trevor because in the film, you play the best assassin in the world. Yup. Trevor right . And you play this man, and he goes, you know what . Im done with the game. But the games not done with you. Exactly. Trevor as you see in the trailer, they send the younger version of you to go and kill you. Yes. Trevor because thats the only person good enough. Yes, its because im so good, im so good, the only way that he could get killed, it would have to be me killing me. Trevor its a crazy concept with wild technology. And i know youve talked about that a lot. But, i mean, this is another challenge. We have seen you play all types of characters. Weve seen you just be the only person in the movie, just you and a dog. Yes, yes. Trevor when you make a movie like gemini man, everyone jumps to the assumption, what advice would you give your younger self. Thats the immediate assumption you would have when you watch that movie. Being a parent means you are a gemini man. You have many versions of yourself. You have your kids who weul know and love. What advice do you give them . What are the things you tell them that you dont want them to replicate in your life. Youre successful, so its hard to say dont make my mistakes. I made some pretty good mistakes. What do you hope they maintain in their lives while still maintaining what got to you this level . From doing the deep study of gemini man, and those questions came up what, i really found is nobody can know for you, right. People can know for themselves, but they cant they cant know for you, right . I was making the decision when i graduated from he high school between music and going to challenge. And my mother said, youll never make anything of yourself if you dont go to college. Right. And, you know, that was that was true for her. Trevor right. It wasnt true for me. Right. So i learned and with my kids, i got really humble, right, and not wanting to be on them as if i could possibly know the decisions that they need to make. So i learned to be open and to watch and to Pay Attention and to trust that, you know, the same god that held my hand through the world is going to hold theirs. And im there to support their journey, not to force mine upon them. applause trevor wow. Yeah. Youre not old but youre definitely wise, will smith. Thank you so much for being here man. Its great seeing you again. Thank you for the movie. Gemini man will be in theaters october 11. Well be right back. Halloween is awesome. [trick or treat] yes, yes, yes, yes. [screaming in fear] yay. [laughter] yes thank you. The amazing new iphone has arrived. And so has tmobiles newest signal. No signal goes farther or is more reliable. So you can get more out of the new iphone. Better battery life, new ultrawide camera. And at tmobile get unlimited for only 30 line for 4 lines on a network that goes farther than ever before. And right now, switch at a tmobile store and get the new iphone 11 on us only at tmobile. They mad hot hot . Inal hot heres a shake up my hot flamins mixin with doritos hello talkin bout how far back we go way way way way back is it me youre looking for i dont care about that i aint sharin my snacks the original, now its hot. Media access group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org cheers and applause trevor well, thats our show for tonight. Thank you so much for tuning in. Lights out with david spade is

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