Body to egypt. You will never have to sit next to a baby on an airplane again. And trump is getting impeached. cheers and applause a lot of trump fans in the audience. Lets catch up on todays headlines. First up, some exciting news from the world of history and art. New Yorks Metropolitan Museum of art has sent a stolen antique back home. The met returned the golden coffin of an egyptian priest. It was smuggled out of egypt after the revolution in 2011. The coffin dates back 2,000 years and forged documents were used to sell it. Trevor the metropolitan had a gold coffin smuggled out of egypt. It was smuggled in someones ass. Not easy. laughter but they used forged documents, how should we have known this 2,000yearold coffin belongs in egypt . How does someone fool you . See, ive got the receipt when i see this image, i think why dont we bury people like this anymore . Not the gold part. Just like painting face on the coffin. I think thats cool. I want to be buried like that. Because when you die, your face is so sad. I think they should repaint our faces on the front of the coffin so when you die, youre there and what they do is they close your coffin face on top of your other face, then you can have your cool face, because the death face is like and the other face is, mmhmm, im dead, im dead laughter if youve ever lost sthg something, dont give up hope. Iceland recorded one of the craziest lost and found stories of all time. Interesting story about an iphone that fell from an airplane, found a year later with a recording of the fall. Pilot was flying over iceland in summer of 2018 trying to record a flooded river and he dropped the plane. There it goes out the window, down, down and fud. He tried to find the phone but no luck. After a year later a land owner called the pilot and said people out for a walk discovered the phone. Trevor guy dropped a phone out of the plane and it works . But somehow i drop mine from the toilet to the ground and it shatters into pieces . That is some bullshit laughter you know what would be funny is if the pilot was trying to get rid of the phone. You never think of this, what if he was in the plane and got a text message and she says, whos stephanie . And hes like, aaahhh i guess well never know. Now a year later, shes, like, whos stephanie . Hes, oh, i dropped it on the bathroom floor. laughter if you love flying but hate crying babies, fly japan. Japan aerials is coming to the passengers who dont want to sit next to crying babies. The map shows where babies will be seated on upcoming flights. This is good news for parents traveling with babies as well because they can Congress Gate around travelers with babies who wont mind being around them. Trevor what a genius move Japan Airlines will show you where the babies are on a plane before you book your seat. Best invention in flying since the seatback tray. Before the tray when you asked for orange juice you just had to be, like, yes, please, yes. laughter i love this idea, i want to see where the babies are on a flight because nothing worse than thinking youre going to sleep on a plane but youre sitting next to a tiny crazy person. Thats what babies are, a tiny crazy screaming and shitting themselves and eat their feet. What are you . I hope this means more babies will sit next to each other because thats the only way you can ever get a baby to stop crying. Ever been around babies . One baby cries, and another baby sees that one and they will be, aaahhh and the other will be, like, whoa, whats doing on there . Is someone going to deal with this . So i love the idea. I also dont think we should stop there. Yeah, i just want to know where the babies are on a plane. I also want to know where the dude who snores is going to be on the plane. I want to know where the person who gets up and goes to the bathroom five times an hour is going to be on a plane. And i definitely want to know where the people who talk to you the whole flight will be on the plane. Talk sphorg the runway. Once we get over 10,000 feet, you shut up, im not your friend. We talk here. Youre oh, cool, seat belts go on, mouth goes off as well. So congrats to Japan Airlines for letting us see the crying babies and Spirit Airlines let you see where the adults will be crying. Spirit airlines, you will wish you were sitting next to a baby. Lets move on to our top story. Impeachment cheers and applause its the congressional version of the morning after pill. Three dissince nancy pelosi speaker of the house and woman who hands out tums on halloween announced former impeachment proceedings into President Trump. Lets catch up the absolutely tremendous fantastic road to impeachment. No other president should ever have to go through the problem superintendentle harassment cheers and applause trevor it is safe to say, this has been one of the wildest weeks of Donald Trumps presidency, including the week he got fake dreadlocks and spoke like a ja jamaican president , te mexicans are coming over the wall, mack, mack, mack laughter monday, the ukraine scandal broke up, tuesday democrats opened impeachment inquiry, wednesday the call came out and today the secret whistleblower complaint that kicked the whole thing off has finally been released. Major breaking news in the impeachment investigation into President Trump. The House Intelligence Committee released the whistleblower complaint. This is the second paragraph. In the course of my as i recall duties i have received information from multiple u. S. Government officials that the president of the United States is using the power of his office to slits interference from a foreign country in the 2020 u. S. Election. Trevor thats right. The whistleblowers complaint has accused the president of soliciting foreign interference in americas election which is really bad for trump. Whats even worse is that this entire complaint is only nine pages long, which means people might actually read it. laughter hell, if it had a few pictures, trump himself might even read it. laughter because you guys dont remember, but that was one of the big problems with Robert Muellers report, it was, like, 500 pages. No one wants to read 500 pages. Give me the secret to eternal life. 500 pages. Yeah, ill just die. Bury me in a gold coffin, im fine. laughter now, this document reiterates a lot of the things we already saw in the transcript of the trumpukraine phone call, but it also goes beyond that. You know how trump and his allies keep saying there was no pressure to ukraine, no pressure on them to investigate biden . Well, the whistleblowers complaint says differently. There was an understanding with ukrainian officials that to get a meeting with President Trump, they had to play by ground rules and those ground rules dealt with vlgt talk about the biden investigation. When you go to the whistleblower complaint where it says multiple u. S. Officials told me the ukrainian leadership was led to believe that a meeting or a phone call between the president and president zelensky would spend on whether zelensky showed willingness to play ball. Trevor according to the whistleblower, trump refused to speak with ukraine unless they agreed to play ball and investigate joe biden. This must have been confusing because to ukraine play ball means soccer but to trump play ball means chasing the meatball that fell out of his sub. Ill get you, meatball i got your family, im coming for you laughter trump and his defenders are saying the whistleblowers account is fake. They say the whistleblower is basing all of this on secondhand information. He didnt hear the calls and he hasnt seen anything himself. They also point out that the president ofo ukraine himself said yesterday that he never felt any pressure from trump. Although, if you actually watched the ukrainian president say it, you might come up with a different impression. President zelensky, few felt any pressure from President Trump to investigate joe biden and hunter biden . I think you read everything. So i think you read text. Im sorry, but i dont want to be involved to democratic open elections of u. S. A. No, we had, i think, good phone call. It was normal. We spoke about many things, and i so i think and you read it that nobody pushed it pushed me. In other words, no pressure. laughter trevor okay. Okay. I dont want to contradict the president , but i dont think the translation of that was no pressure. laughter that man seemed like he was under intense pressure. I mean, he actually said, i dont want to get involved, i mean thats not a comfortable phrase you ever say when youre comfortable. How are you feeling . I dont want to get involved, im so comfortable. You cant ask him that question in front of trump. Its like asking the hostage how hes being treated while the kidnapper is right next to him. How are they treating me . Oh, its amazing, yeah, last night they even gave me toilet paper. I love it here. laughter you cant ask him in front of trump, man laughter so the whistleblowers complaint accuses trump of pressuring the ukraines, while trump and his people say they did nothing wrong and that the call he made to ukraine was completely fine. In fact, trump himself said it was perfect, completely fine, the most perfect call ever made of all time. laughter but heres the thing, if there was nothing shady about that call, then why did the white house staff work so hard to make sure that it never saw the light of day . This whistleblower was hearing from people inside the white house. These people were deeply disturbed by what had transpired in the phone call and details how there was an effort to lock down the phone call to make sure only a very limited number of people had access to it so they put it on basically a separate server. They took it outside the normal channels and put it in a channel normally reserved for highly classified information. The most highly classified information. Trevor thats highly suspicious because if the call was see so perfect why did trumps people want to get rid of it middle east . Thats only something you do when youre trying to hide shady shit. When you come home from school and your parents told you grandpa died of Natural Causes and we threw the body in the river, you would have followup questions. Why did you throw it away is this grandpa just needs to go, like, right now, right now. laughter basically, white house officials heard the call and moved the record of it from a normal computer to a more private server so no one would see it. And this is a new scandal about a private server, throwback thursday. laughter applause wouldnt it be nice if this was the meet cute that brought trump and hillary together . He calls her up and says, i finally understand you, crooked hillary, were the same. laughter but the biggest revelation about this private server isnt just that it contains the phone calls with trump and ukraine, its that it might contain many more. The complaint adds that this was not the first Time White House officials used an extra secured server meant for classified and especially sensitive information. That means calls with other World Leaders were set aside, covered up. Who are those other World Leaders . Trevor thats right. Who are these other leaders, what are the conversations . We thought this was just a ukraine story but that secret server could contain multiple conversations trump doesnt want anybody to hear and nobody has access to those calls so theres no way to find out, or at least there was no way to find out. Because you see the daily show has a secret spy laughter deep inside the white house, melania, and thanks to that spy laughter we have been able to get our hands on a few of those embarrassing calls. Yaw, this is angela merkel. Angela, if you dont help me win my reelection, im going to tell everyone hitler was german. Welcome to popeyes, may i take your order. Mr. Popeyes, if you dont let me try that new spicey chicken sandwich, im going to declare you a terrorist organization. Dad, its my birthday, tell me you love me. Im too busy. Come on. Fine, i love you. Put this call on the private server, no one can ever know this ever happened. Trevor not good folks, well be right back. Well be right back. cheers and applause they say were we say playfuls never done dont fight the feeling just let it flow stack it up, rack it up, let it go i got a secret the world should know lets stay playful, oreo dreamworks abominable haon rotten tomatoes. Re [ its nice to have a friend by taylor swift ] its one of the years very best animated adventures. Pure magic woo one of the most inspirational journeys ever created. This is amazing and has a heart as big as Mount Everest its nice to have a friend no matter how hard the journey gets. Never give up. Did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes . Try dawn ultra. Dawn is for more than just dishes. With 3x more grease cleaning power per drop, it tackles tough grease on a variety of surfaces. Try dawn ultra. Snow leopards are almost impossible to find, with ai we can protect what we cant see. But we need to know where they are, because they are threatened. 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Trevor oh, you had me nervous for a second. Yeah, i agree. I agree. I think everyone is angry that the president abused his power like this. Okay, take it easy, maddow. Im mad because our dip shit president cant even get impeached right. Hes wasting his one impeachment on taking down joe biden. Joe biden will take down joe biden the guys already gassed himself out of two elections look, when it comes to biden, all you have to do is just wait it out and hell go away. Hes like a cold or my parole officer. That guy is so obsessed with me, by the way. Trevor i think thats illegal. So, desi, you dont think trump abused his power . No, if anything, he didnt abuse it enough. Look, you only get one impeachment, youve got to make it count. President s used to understand that. Andrew johnson defied congress. Richard nixon had the saturday night massacre. Bill clinton got a b. J. In the Oval Office Laughter head mouth candy the old pacman. Trevor pacman . Yeah making sounds trevor i got it. My point, is trevor, trump has blown it. He might get impeached for gossipping on the phone like a little bitch cheers and applause i mean, like a waste of a wonderful opportunity its like when i gave my husband a hall pass and he used it to kiss karen from the p. T. A. Karen you know what i use my hall pass for . I murder ~bleep Pierce Brosnan trevor that is insane i know, karen from the p. T. A. trevor desi lydic, everybody well be right back cheers and applause displfntl do it even if youre not supposed to be doing it. [translated from japanese] i do what i like. Because there are those who dont. And those who do. Lets do. No matter who tells it. And for justice, no matter who its for, or against. Herebuy a bunch of reeses. Ck. uh huh, there you go turn off all the lights in your house. yeah yeah trick or treat and then just dont answer the door. Not sorry, reeses. I cant wait to hear how too liberal, too conservative. But here, im gonna transform into the aspirational, inoffensive dream girl. Here im gonna become the Mother Teresa of the morning news. Son, i need to tell you what is it, dad . Theres a five cent refund for this bottle in iowa and maine. Means a lot pop. Special moments with dos equis. Keep it interesante. My Car Insurance to geico. This is how it made me feel. It was like that feeling when you pull your green sock out of the dryer and then the very next sock is the other green one. And then you pull out two blue ones. And you keep going till youve matched every single sock in perfect order. And the owner of the laundromat is so impressed, he hangs a picture of you next to the dryer. Geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance. Fifteen minutes could save you the ffor a chip so iconic,ssage. We dont need to name it. No logos, no gimmicks. Just those red and blue bags with the stuff you love in it. Man you know the brand. Its the threesided crunch. That had you trade your buddies for it, if they packed a pack at lunch. No logo, but our names on the tip of your tongue. Shaking for crumbs when the bag is done of that cheesy, spicy, crispycrunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. I need those. But an ad with no logo . Its another level. [upbeat action music] pilot were going to be on the tarmac for another 45 minutes or so. Trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is an actor who stars in the critically acclaimed nbc series the good place. Shes also an activist and the founder of the i weigh movement. Please welcome Jameela Jamil cheers and applause welcome to the daily show. Thats cute that they stood up. They do it for everyone, i know. Trevor no, they stand up because some people are here because they just want to see you, they dont even care about me. cheers and applause some people are offended that i speak till you come out. Just get to jameela, thats what were here for. Fair enough, mate, fair enough. Trevor welcome to the shore. Thank you. Trevor and congratulations on what is it, season three now . Season four of the good place. That started tonight. Final season. Trevor congratulations. cheers and applause trevor i love the premise of the show because well, its like the afterlife, and some people are in hell, some in heaven, but some people are mixed up on where they should be. Where do you think you would be, the good place or no, im saying im an actress, i would go straight to hell where i belong. laughter who makes money this way . Yeah. Trevor do you think you would be in hell . Yeah, where are you going . Will i see you there . Trevor i think ill get into heaven because of my mom. I think my mom has prayed enough. They will be, like, yeah, shes got a plus one, come on in. Thats probably what it will be for me. The show has been really popular. Eth got an interesting vibe about what the story is. But you have become really popular on the show not just because of your character but because of the back story. This is your first acting gig. You were a teacher. No, i have a teacher and a tv host, so i used to do what you do. Trevor okay. For less money. Trevor yes. laughter and i moved to america, didnt know what i was going to do. Trevor so you were getting paid in pounds. Yeah. Trevor so you were getting paid more. Probably the same because of the economy. Trevor that was brexit, not my fault. laughter i moved here to be a writer and i got an agent based off the script i wrote and that same agent was representing people at the good place and said we need a pakistani, overly tall english woman. So i went for the audition and got it. Trevor i heard people in the show say jameela is i dont read comments on youtube, just real life. Jameela is one of the funniest people you will ever meet, but she is also one of the most like what people say woke people you will ever meet at the same time. Right. Trevor like how did that journey begin . We all grow up in the world that we grow up in. Yeah. Trevor i always say wokeness is learned. I dont think anyone wakes up and theyre, like, this is how the world works. Yeah. Trevor where did the journey begin . Around 19 years old is when i started activism inactivism, rather, and its an ongoing journey. Its an uphill struggle, i guess. Its something that youre constantly learning and no one is perfectly woke. No one knows all of the answers, everything is constantly updating us in humanity and we need to update alongside it. I call myself a feminist in progress because i consider myself never fully formed, and i think that that helps me know that i always have more to do and more to learn, and i can always be and do better. cheers and applause trevor it is interesting that you say feminist in progress because it does feel like were in a world where Everyone Wants to be heard, rightfully so, but then the conversations around it can become so visceral. No one wants to listen in and around these conversations. You have been very quick to take it. If someone says you didnt include these people or excluded people in the conversation, you go, yes, im sorry, ill include them and move on. Does it ever get tiring to do that or how did you decide to they can that approach . No, i only have the freedom i have now because other people before me fought for women of color to be given opportunities im now able to benefit from. So, no, i never tire of being corrected if im wrong. I have more to learn and im grateful people dont patronize me and they think i can take the criticism and i can. Trevor right. I think the thick we are sometimes searchin searching fol purity and you will never find that. All you can find is progress and not perfection. Ten years ago, i was problematic in my thinking and there were loads of things i didnt know and didnt understand and thought i was right about and had i been counseled at that time, i would have never gone on to become someone who now spends all their life fighting for womens rights and people whos lives are marginalized and who is now able to get instagram and facebook to change their global policies to protect young people. So thank goodness i didnt get counseled. Trevor applause trevor this is a powerful movement you spearheaded is you got the social Media Companies change how they viewed what advertising people were able to see under the age 18. You have been very vocal against people advertising the tummy ts and all the super diet fads. Theyre all laxatives. You just shit fire. Sorry. laughter so anyway, no, but unfortunately there are a lot of impressionable young people that dont know the t is a scam and a lot of these ideas are scams. Yes. Trevor you went to the social Media Companies and said its your job to do something. What are they doing . They have made it possible for anyone under 18 to see cosmetic procedures being sold or any kind of diet or de detox products. We have been letting anyone see anything but heroin injected under your juice freely on the internet. This is just the start of what im doing. Next im moving on the legislation because we need to get this stuff off the market and away from children. Im someone who took these products and i will never get my full health back so im damned this is going to happen again 20 years later. cheers and applause trevor wow. I think im going to see you in heaven. Im just putting it out there. The final season of the good place airs thursday at 9 00 p. M. On nbc. Jameela jamil, everybodiu every. Well be right back. cheers and applause you need to blend in. Your yak is odd looking. Hey, dont body shame my yak. Abominable is one of the years very best animated adventures. Its pure magic. Blueberries . Do something. Does this make you oh, how about this . Ok, well stop. Just kidding, were not gonna stop. Not sorry. Reeses good morning. Good night. The allnew versa the most techadvanced car in its class. This is nissan intelligent mobility. But there is so much more you want to do. New starbucks tripleshot energy. 225 mg of caffeine for the energy to do what matters to you. What gives you energy . cheers and applause trevor thats our show, thanks for tuning in. Saturday my standup tour coming to older o florida. Hope to see you there. Otherwise, back on monday,lightlights. But first, here it is. Your moment of zen. This whistleblower complaint is nine pages and to be fair im halfway through at page 5. And im just looking at the appendices i think there may be the New York Times here ill have to take a little more time. Theres a lot of footnotes, theres a lot of references. There is a lot to go through here. There is. There is nine pages and i know youre talking and reading at the same time, which youre gifted in that. cheers and applause . Spade theres a new study that says certain names will make your baby more likely to grow up an be a billionaire. Number one on the list, oprah, 100 percent of oprahs are billionaires. Isnt that some good shooting . Yeah. Not really funny, more of a fact. applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central amazing, whatever. Youre still fat. And now david spade cheers and applause
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