Is a privilege. Just even the idea that we can sit in the back of the country and make wisecracks, which is really what we do. We sit in the back and we throw spit balls. But never forgetting the fact that it is a luxury in this country that allows us to do that. That it is a country that allows for open satire. And i know that sounds basic. And it sounds as though it goes without saying. But thats really what this whole situation is about. Its the difference between closed and open. Its the difference between free and and burdened. And we dont take that for granted here, by any stretch of the imagination. And our show has changed. I dont i dont doubt that. What its become, i dont know. Subliminable is not a punchline anymore. One day it will become that again, and and lord willing, itll become that again. Because it means that we have ridden out the storm. But the main reason that i wanted to speak tonight is is not to tell you what the shows going to be. Not to tell you about all the incredibly brave people that are here in new york and in washington and around the country. But but weve had an unenduring pain here and an unendurable pain. And i just i wanted to tell you why i grieve, but why i dont despair. Im sorry. Luckily we can edit this. One of my first memories is of Martin Luther king being shot. I was five. And if you wonder if this feeling will pass when i was five and he was shot, heres what i remember about it. I was in a school in trenton. And they shut the lights off. And we got to sit under our desks. And we thought that was really cool. And they gave us cottage cheese, which was a cold lunch because there was rioting. And we but we didnt know that. We just thought, my god, we get to sit under our desks and eat cottage cheese. And and what a and thats what i remember about it. And that was a tremendous test of this countrys fabric. And this countrys had many tests before that and after that. And the reason i dont despair is because this attack happened. Its not a dream. But the aftermath of it, the recovery, is a dream realized. And that is Martin Luther kings dream. Whatever barriers weve put up are gone, even if its just momentary. And were judging people by not the color of their skin, but the content of their character. And you know, all this talk about these guys are criminal masterminds, theyve theyve gotten together and theyve their extraordinary guile, and their wit, and their skill. Its a lie. Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters, these policemen, and and people from all over the country literally, with buckets, rebuilding. That thats extraordinary. And thats why weve already won. They cant its its light. Its democracy. Its weve already won. They cant shut that down. They live in chaos. And chaos it cant sustain itself. It never could. Its too easy and its too unsatisfying. The view from my apartment was the world trade center. And now its gone. And they attacked it. This symbol of American Ingenuity and strength and labor and imagination and commerce. And it is gone. But you know what the view is now . The statue of liberty. The view from the south of manhattan is now the statue of liberty. You cant beat that. So were going to take a break. And im going to stop slobbering on myself and the desk. And were going to get back to this. And its going to be fun and funny. And its going to be the same as it was. And i thank you. Well be right back. With at t, strong can turn a simple lunch break. Into advanced economics. At ts network has the nations strongest 4g lte signal. [music] do you like cougars . Terry will you shut up you are adorable. Thank you. Ladies your belts all snugged up . Why do we have to buckle up . The pick up stinks with diesel. [ding] youve got to be kidding oh please ah this is the end oh my god [brakes screech] we need resuscitation. 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Hell tell us everything he knows very shortly, sir. As you were. Where were we . 13 serving 14 service if your boss stops by, you act like youre working. Its what you do. If you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Happy anniversary to me its safeways anniversary. Happy anniversary to me but youre the one whos gonna save some serious money. Happy anniversary to me right now with your club card usda choice ribeye steak is 7. 99 a pound 32ounce gatorade is 69 cents and select quaker cereal is 1. 49 happy anniversary to me. Safeways huge anniversary sale its just better. [music playing] hey, welcome back. You know whats nice . A good cry. I feel like Robin Williams in the millennium man. Im in the back room going, i can feel love. Anyway, thank you for your indulgence. And now we move on. We wanted to show you some stuff that i think i pray will make you smile. During our election coverage we met all kinds of people that we just sort of fell in love with. And one man in particular epitomized to me this sort of frontier american spirit of a man who believed in all things being possible. And his name is charles r. Doty. And i think youll enjoy seeing his story. So hi. Im charles r. Doty. Its morning in america again. Vance degeneres voiceover following unsuccessful president ial bids in 1984, 88, 92, and 96 all eyes are on oklahoma political powerhouse charles doty as he considers yet another unsuccessful run for the presidency. This is the moment in time that i am officially announcing my candidacy as a democrat for the president of the united states. Vance degeneres voiceover and already, the doty express is taking on mythic proportions. Any question out of bounds . No, no. Not with me. My lifes an open book. Vance degeneres does your wife travel with you . Charles r. Doty she did one time. Does she like it . No. Besides having no money, no strategy, no volunteers no ads, no bumper stickers no yard signs, and a wife who hates your guts for running, what stands between you and the white house . Hi, this is charles doty. Hes running for president. Im not interested. I spoke to you, i yes. Actually, i have an appointment that im almost late for. Who do you know that is going to vote for you . You can rest assured im going to vote for me. Thats one. Ok. Uh Vance Degeneres voiceover and thats not even counting special interest groups. I do know what the indians are like. Dont forget the cowboys always whoop the indians. Joke. Mr. Doty, lets talk hot button issues. Just say for or against. Ok. The metric system. Against. The united nations. Against. Ufo research. For. Kissing on the first date. Against. Uh nah, id say for. Mr. Doty, do you think youre a viable candidate this year . Uh, no more questions right now. Were getting ready for a rally over here. I do want to thank you for coming out to my rally. Heavy petting on the first date. Having what . Heavy petting on the first date. Uh. sighs against. Against. Vance degeneres voiceover for this candidate big tobacco is not an issue. I understand theres no smoking in the white house. Well, i suppose for the good i could do as president far outweigh whether or not i ever had a cigarette or not. Yeah, id go outside. Vance degeneres voiceover and once the smoke clears, dont be surprised if charles r. Doty is still in the running. So come november the fourth or fifth i dont remember the exact date. But its the general election. Remember you have a friend in doty. Ah. We have a friend indeed. And he has a friend in us. Well be right back. [hero female] were all familiar with this axe daily fragrances which comes in a black can. But what you wouldnt have seen is this axe dry spray antiperspirant. It goes on dry and keeps you dry with no visible residue. Why are you touching your armpit . I was just checking to see if it was dry. [hero female] dont, thats weird. The first ever dry spray antiperspirant from axe. So youre a Small Business expert from at t . Yeah, give me a problem and ive got the solution. Well, we have 30 years of customer records. Our cloud can keep them safe and accessible anywhere. My drivers dont have time to fill out forms. Tablets. Keep it all digital. Were looking to double our deliveries. Our fleet apps will find the fastest route. Oh, and your boysenberry apple scones smell about done. Ahh, youre good. I like to bake. Add new Business Services with at t and get up to 500 in total savings. [grunting] to love this life is to live it naturally. [moo] get excited for the 1989 world tour with exclusive behind the scenes footage all of taylor swifts music videos interviews, and more. Xfinity is the destination for all things taylor swift. [music playing] ah, the band ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to the show. Like most, ive been watching a lot of tv lately. And ive been actually very impressed by the exercise of judgment and restraint on the part of the news media. I know they have far more graphic images that they they will not run. And it reminded me that i once spent the day with someone who i think has really exemplified everything that a journalist should be in these times, peter jennings. And, while our day was not a very conventional one, it it meant a lot to me. And uh, id like you to id like you to take a look at it. Peter jennings can i help you . [trumpet fanfare] jon stewart voiceover it was my hero, peter jennings. He could have thrown me out. But instead, took me on a journey of discovery. Whyd you come to the convention . Uh i come for two reasons. I come for the food, i come to wear makeup. I came here for one reason, really. One reason only. I thought van halen was playing at the spectrum. You ever talk to clinton or bush or i talked to george w. Bush in in austin, texas just the other day. What were you doing . We were we were talking and are you familiar with, uh, urkel . Do you know urkel . My name is sam donnets and i have a website, doodee doodee doo. Im in the inter im in the int so this is stress relief . It helps, i have to tell you. When thats not working, it just helps. Does someone sad always have to be in it . Peter jennings it helps. It helps. Jon stewart voiceover oh my god. The convention floor. I have such faith in you, my fellow americans. Jon stewart does senator mccain understand that theres no one here . Because he seems to be giving a speed. But theres no one here. Jon stewart voiceover we kicked back in the green room. God. Its not polite to laugh, but its like it was written by a child. Jon stewart voiceover then it was off to the grand prize the abc network news desk. Jon stewart ah, wow. Peter jennings come and sit in. Whats this button right here . Its the button i push if i decide that i want to break into regular programming with an urgent bulletin. Could could i try . Here it is. A 1 million question. We rarely see these here. [abc news fanfare] announcer from abc news. Did we do it . This just in this is awesome. Jon stewart voiceover sadly, my Network Journey had come to an end. Peter, thank you so much. We very much appreciate it. Goodnight, peter. Youre not as bad as i heard. I appreciate that. Theres one thing. For all of us at abc news goodnight, jon. [abc news fanfare] yes, yes, yes well be right back. Stay with us. [music playing] thats amazing. Its amazing. This is amazing. Thats amazing real people are discovering surprising things at chevy. Were sold. Its so pretty. Theyre goodlooking cars. It feels great. Perfect. This is not what i would expect from a chevy at all. Get more than you expect for less than you imagined at the chevy 72 hour sale. Now, get zero percent financing for seventytwo months on most 2015 chevy vehicles. Hurry, the clock is ticking. Get yours now. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Its just a summer thing double it up this summer. With a hot deal from mcdonalds. The twofifty double combo. A mouthwatering double cheeseburger. And small fries for just twofifty. Ba da ba ba ba here we go again. Another day shackled by wires. How long do we have to keep untangling for just a little taste of power . Who knew charging could be so. Draining . You can keep plugging away. Or, you can change the way you charge. The Samsung Galaxy s6 and s6 edge, with builtin Wireless Charging capabilities. Get 200 or more when you buy a galaxy s6 or s6 edge and trade in an eligible smartphone. Cheesy bites with new crust flavors flavor pizza huts cheesy bites pizza is back with your choice of 1 of 7 crust flavors, like bbq and ranch. No one has more flavor. Only at pizza hut sup party people . bud light lime in a brand new bottle. Summer on. However you have fun wherever you play build the Johnson Johnson first aid kit thats right for you. Pick any three participating products and get a free first aid bag. Be prepared. And play on. [music playing] thats about the grooviest tune ive heard in a long time. Welcome back to the show. I have absolutely no reason to show you this next piece. I have its just pure goofy. Enjoy. [music playing] advertisings main function is to sell products. But sometimes it fulfills a higher purpose. For instance, what better way to make the public aware of amazing scientific advancements in personal hygiene . Announcer imagine a fast, easy, noheat, allnatural hair removal gel. Hm. No. I cant imagine Something Like that. How would it work . Host go over firmly three times. Now hold the skin taut and pull it off in the opposite direction. Sounds great. Can i use it anywhere on the body . Announcer use anywhere on the body. Eyebrows. Wow. Announcer face. Uhhuh. Announcer back. Ugh. Announcer underarms. Ugh. Well, the product certainly seems to work. But it doesnt matter what youre selling, youll never sell any of it without a catchy name. Host introducing nads, the hottest noheat product on the market. And how the aussies have gone mad for nads. Its so successful that three out of four People Choose nads over the competition. Nads. Great name. The best thing about nads is it sounds like youve heard it somewhere before. I guess all i need to know now is how do i get my hands on some nads . Host call now to get your very own supply of nads allnatural hair removal gel. Simple enough. But one thing you dont want to do is leave the consumer with too many questions. Would my nads lose potency over time . Can i share my nads with a friends . Are nads harmful if swallowed . Host call now and receive, absolutely free sues special video, how to get Great Results with nads. Well, ill tell you, im convinced. I just wish i knew about nads in time for bikini season. Jon. See . Were back. Thats our show for tonight. Join us next week at 11 00 and well try and figure out what the hell were going to do then. I do hope that you got a smile out of tonights show. And if you didnt, im about to introduce your moment of zen. Normally, our moment of zen is a piece of disquieting footage, uh something eccentric or quirky. And in keeping with tonights theme of hoping to get a smile out of you, i now say, here it is, your moment of zen. A puppy. Its your moment of zen. Aw, dont be scared. No. A puppy. [music playing] [music playing] announcer april 28, 2003. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [cheering] [theme music] hey, everybody thats the ticket. Welcome to the daily show. Im jon stewart. We have a fine show for you today. Dr. Sanjay gupta will be joining us. And, uh, i saw him backstage and he looked at me in a very pro wrestler like, and he pointed at me, and he said prepare to be guptad i didnt know what that meant. Uh, im kidding around there. Uh, its such an exciting day, and im sorry to be giddy. Not only does, obviously, the show make me happy, but, uh [laughter] also also settle down they all got brownies. It is Saddam Husseins birthday. It is his 66th birthday. And you may say, why are you happy about that . And ill tell you why, because this will be his demise. This will be his downfall. Let me explain. I signed him up for a free birthday sundae at friendlys. Now [laughter] when he shows up [applause] then they get him so it might have already happened. As of the airing of this program, Saddam Hussein was captured at the quaker bridge mall in new jersey at friendlys, eating a sundae out of a tiny helmet. [laughter]