Larry tonightly, bobby jindal gets a big endorsement from. Nah, im just kidding. Were not talking about that. Were celebrating history its big gay monday cheers and applause come on out come on out yeah thats right everybody on friday, history was made when the Supreme Court legalized samesex marriage nationwide. Sing it, boys chorus singing all 50 states, start setting some dates all 50 states, start setting some dates larry finally, equal rights have been given to the lgbtq community. chorus singing its about bleep time were treated like equals its about bleep time were treated like equals larry so lets get this party started. This is the the nightly show lets do this chorus singing this is the nightly show this is the nightly show this is the nightly show captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause larry lets do this cheers and applause larry welcome to the the nightly show. audience chanting larry larry thank you very much welcome to the nightly show look at the set this is beautiful rainbow flavor going on im larry wilmore. Tonight in honor of the Supreme Courts decision to legalize marriage for everyone, welcome to Larry Wilmores 2015 yaaaasss kween yaaaasss marriagetravaganzaaaa a slippery slope to happinaaaass roll it Larry Wilmores 2015 yaaaasss kween yaaaasss marriagetravaganzaaaa a slippery slope to happinaaaass larry yes cheers and applause whoo nice give it up for the new york city gaymens chorus cheers and applause this is big gay monday to celebrate what happened friday. Reporters were on the Supreme Courts steps waiting for their producers to bring them the gay marriage ruling. Ah, but what network would have the story first . Would it be americas news room, fox news . Lets see. We have an opinion coming we have the decision. We have the decision coming. Its coming cheers and applause jason jason larry jason jason where the bleep is jason sorry fox news, maybe jason ran off to marry his longtime partner. laughter or maybe hes seeking asylum from fox news . Who knows all i know is that jasons not here jason jason laughter anyway, the Supreme Court ruled 54 in favor of gay marriage. Obama immediately got on the phone to congratulate the lead plaintiff in the decision, jim obergefell. All right. Take care. Thanks for the call mr. President. Byebye. Bye. The president says byebye. Larry the president says byebye. Cmon, wolfman, you dont need to report that. laughter not everything the president says requires the full powers of the situation room. Anyway, obama wasnt done spreading the gay marriage love. Friday night, Obamas White House was bathed in rainbow lights. In fact, everybody was in the rainbow spirit. Niagara falls was lit up. So was the empire state building. Even dick cheney had rainbow lights at his house. Were not making that up dick cheney got em barred, man. laughter of course, everybody wasnt happy about the decision. But today is too momentous a day to spend a lot of time focusing on the haters. So heres a short look at the hatin sponsored by haterades cutrate competitor powerhaterade. When you need to be successful at attacking other peoples success, try powerhaterade. Its blue, and its a little cheaper than haterade. Mmmmm. Salty. applause lets start this hatecation in lets start in louisiana in louisiana, governor and president ial candidate bobby jindal said that no Earthly Court can alter the definition of marriage. No Earthly Court . Is he referring to some kind of Intergalactic Court . You do not want to take things to space court, bobby jindal. They are assholes in space court. They can read your mind. alien voice. i dont believe you, bobby jindal. You just want a show on fox news. Case dismissed. Get married, everybody. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. applause space court, everyone. Thank you very much. President ial candidate ted cruz cruzd over to the today show today and put it in cruz control one of the things Justice Scalia talks about, youve got nine lawyers, theyre all from harvard or yale, there are no protestants on the court, there are no evangelicals on the court. Larry there are no muslims on the court. No buddhists. No klingons or romulans. Once again, we gotta go to space court to find real court diversity. cheers and applause and what would a lot of conservative bloviating be without donald trump . Thats right. audience reacts trump sat down for trump voice the classiest, most incredible interview ever end trump voice with cnns jake tapper this weekend. Hears what happened when the topic veered to gay marriage. Im traditional marriage. Its changing rapidly. But what do you say to a lesbian whos married or a gay man whos married who says, donald trump, whats traditional about being married three times . Well, well, they have a good point. Larry they have an excellent bleep ing point oh jake tapper you just tappered that ass thats my boy and finally, Justice Clarence thomas. Hes not a republican candidate, but i do wish he would run. Into an open pit. Sorry, i couldnt stop myself. He chose to focus on the issue of dignity. And, of course, he used the obvious slave analogy. According to thomas, slaves did not lose their dignity any more than they lost their humanity because the government allowed them to be enslaved. Do you even know what slavery is . Slavery is the complete stripping of humanity and dignity. Thats the point of slavery. And when do you think slaves were whipped . Whenever they dared to try to show any humanity or dignity. Clarence, please approach the bench and then jump off of it into that same aforementioned pit. cheers and applause look, thats what the whole gay marriage fight has been all about. Not about changing the definitions or upsetting institutions. The fight has simply been about humanity and dignity. Well be right back. cheers and applause i am rich. On the grounds of my estate, i hob nob with the glitterati and play equestrian sports. Out on the veranda, we enjoy finger sandwiches and other assorted dainties. I wear nothing less than the finest designer footwear. Wherever i go, the paparazzi capture my every move. Yes, i am rich. Thats why i drink the champagne of beers. Are you sitting down . The new brew pub philly. Sliced beef and beer cheese with a side of beer cheese to dip your beef and beer cheese in. Keep your spirits high and the bill low. With free refills of fries. Only at applebees. With at t, strong can turn a simple lunch break. Into advanced economics. 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Notice how this breakfast burrito starts with the basic tortilla, but then inside. Its stuffed with tender, juicy, sliced steak. Whoa whoa. Slow down. What . I said steak. In a breakfast burrito . I cant keep up. This is advanced burrito, right . This is intro to burrito. Boom. Jacks new steak egg breakfast burritos got tender juicy steak, scrambled eggs, and creamy sriracha sauce, all wrapped in a warm tortilla. Lookin for a basic burrito . This aint it. cheers and applause larry welcome back man, it is really exciting. This weekend not only did the rainbow flag go up but another one came down. A North Carolina activist made it her personal mission to remove the Confederate Flag from the grounds of the South Carolina state house this weekend. 30yearold bree newsome scaled the 30foot pole saturday and descended with the flag in hand. Larry woo yeah, man thats what im talking about this is awesome. Its like the old saying if you want something done, wait around and do nothing until a kickass black woman does that bleep for you. Seriously kudos to bree newsome. The nightly show is with you. What she did was amazing. But no sooner did she take it down than they put it back up. audience reacts but what i did not expect was not only how fast they put it back up, but that they actually made a brother do it audience reacts are you bleep ing kidding me . Damn, the south how many ways of not getting it can you not get it . So apparently, theyre going to talk about talking about taking it down, at some point. Luckily, thanks to our nightly show exclusive stateoftheart future event complete speculation Technology Patent pending we are able to give you a glimpse of the South Carolina state legislators discussing when to discuss taking down the Confederate Flag. My esteemed colleagues gentlemen and ladies laughter all right, all right. This is an incredibly important issue which has come to our attention, the Confederate Flag. Now, gentlemen, i know its a bit difficult burks we due we need to talk about but we need to talk about when we need to talk about the actual taking of it down. I have notes here and we should definitely talk about talking about taking down the flag. Thats right. What we need to discuss today is when is a better time for us to have said discussion. A fine suggestion. Guys, guys how about were all here right now. Why dont we just talk about it now . Were all here. Well you are not used to our southern ways. There is a tradition of discussing how we deal with our traditions. Yes. Maumay i suggest we take a recess to ponder these thoughts . That is a fine suggestion but the the meeting just started, guys larry we canal back, gentlemen. Shall we get back to the business at hand . I have a date we circled in my calendar. What is your date, sir . August 14th. Im afraid, gentlemen, i have a barbecue that day. Oh, well. Yeah, you got to respect a mans barbecue. Barbecue season is very tricky. Does march work for you all . bleep just give me the key and ill take the flag down you, sir are no gentleman. Sir, if i may, lets take a recess to think about when we should talk about the talking about your gentlemanliness. bleep . South carolina. cheers and applause larry well be right back sonics Ice Cream Cone day, the day when everybody. Mmhmm. Gets half off Ice Cream Cones at sonic. Yep, everybody except for bobby gamboa. Oh, bobby gamboa thats right. Is it because he stole your girlfriend in second grade . What . Is it because he cheated off you in that one test . Bobby gamboa did . Yeah. Isnt it because he crashed your car in high school or something . No why cant he have Ice Cream Cones . Poor kids lactose intolerant oh. When did he do this . 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The nightly show writer and comedian jordan carlos, comedian guy branum, and transgender activist and the host of so popular which streams live on fridays on msnbc. Com, janet mock. cheers and applause on friday, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of legalizing gay marriage in all 50 states. So, obviously, this was a big weekend for the Gay Community. 1. How drunk did the Gay Community get this weekend . laughter when i was 14, i thought i was going to have to hide who i was for my entire life. Three days ago my black president turned the white house rainbow. Larry wow. Thats how drunk i got. cheers and applause larry that sums it up. Thats pretty awesome. I like that. These are happy moments. Its amazing larry yeah it really is. Obergefell didnt live to see this day to get drunk and have sex with dudes to celebrate applause 2. Does this really mean the whole gay fight is over . And i dont mean the fight is gay. But are we on to other issues . Are there more issues in this area . I think this was a day for guys to be drunk and in love. Monday is a day to figure out whats the next step for a lot of gay folks who dont want to get married. This was largely about getting couples certain protections and rights and our work will be about extending protection and rights to more marginalized lgbtq people who dont want to get married. Lets talk about housing for lgbt youth. 40 identify as home less lgbt youth. Suicide and depression and all these other things impact the way. The Civil Rights Act happened in 1955 for black people and were totally totally cool now. laughter 3. How big is this decision if you put it in historical terms . Is it brown haves board of education . Its no u. S. Post office which means you cant stop getting junk mail, but its bigger than that. There are problems with the decision itself. This decision was an opportunity for the Supreme Court to give equal protection heightened equal protection status to gay and transpeople and they didnt. They just said its a fundamental right issue. Larry they never specified gay or trans. Think never said trans at all and didnt give us heightened protection status and they did it in a summer when we dont have a clear summary jam. Would it have killed them when they gave a nod to the president to say, hey, grande, you might want to do something. applause if anybody wants any champagne i would love some. cheers and applause its everybodys party 4. Why do you think there is still so much resistance . Where is that coming from . Ted cruzs comment darkest 24 hours in our nations history . Really . This is the darkest 24 hours in really . How about a lot of dark bleep ing 24hour periods . That is controlling at its finest. A week before the decision we had the massacre in South Carolina and for him to even say that the ridiculous and hello slavery. applause when lady gaga released that album, that was pretty hard. Brown v. Board of education, you still needed federal marshals desegregating the little rock schools. And that was a republican president. Yes, but i seriously doubt there are going to be federal marshals in bridal parties. I dont think well need to desegregate. The Norman Rockwell painting, instead of the black girl with federal marshals, it will be a gay couple going to the courthouse. Larry do you think its resistance or people just want to get votes . President obama in 2008 lied about his opinion about gay marriage. I think he lied too. T was political posturing he lied about it and we have gay marriage now. I mean, there is something to be said for political lies. And i also think republicans need to get out of their primary. Theyre trying to attract the conservatives. laughter larry are you saying once they get in, whoops, im for gay marriage i think the definition of marriage is redefining marriage. This will be their little stance right now. But i think once they go to the general, they will have to appeal to a larger voter block and i think a part of that will be slightly more liberal. Do you think well ever see the day where we have a gay president who is married . I didnt think i would see a black president in my lifetime. I think so. I travel around talking to college kids all the time. Theyre the most progressive, liberal progressive, theyre studying politics. Do you think theres a gay or trans kid who will be boring enough to be able to run for president . cheers and applause i want to catch up to guy larry maybe well never know this answer but its unknowable. Larry but i think it was a great decision. I think many of these things are just a first step in the rest of these things. In my lifetime, i never thought we would have a cultural moment where one week we have, you know, this major decision on Marriage Equality and then weeks before that we have, you know laverne, a black trans woman, on the cover of four Major National magazines. applause that wasnt even possible in my growing up. Larry and all that, obama said the n word out of context cheers and applause i am rich. On the grounds of my estate, i hob nob with the glitterati and play equestrian sports. Out on the veranda, we enjoy finger sandwiches and other assorted dainties. I wear nothing less than the finest designer footwear. Wherever i go, the paparazzi capture my every move. Yes, i am rich. Thats why i drink the champagne of beers. Is she after our liquid gold . Oh, she better not be. Our claim runs straight down to the glutn free stuffin. Its gluten. Theres gold in them thar shells. Liquid gold. What has happened to americas once glorious super highways . Where are my speedy throughways . My bustling roundabouts . Howdy folks its me, colonel harland sanders. Hungry . Stuck in traffic . Dont eat those bucket seats eat a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken with my summer meal. If your seat belt is clickin, its time for my chicken. Its Finger Lickin good. With at t, strong can tell a bedtime story. From gate 9. At ts network has the nations strongest 4g lte signal. Applebees hit the streets to invite people to try their bold new handheld sandwiches. Ive never had anything like it. He had me at bacon. For the rest of my life this is going to be my only meal. The triple hog dare ya. Incredible. I dont want it to end. Come try the new triple hog dare ya only at applebees. Color is a beautiful thing. I know, i know. Color is a beautiful thing if you feel it, you can find it. All new color by behr. cheers and applause larry all right thats our show i want to thank our panelists jordan carlos, janet mock, and guy branum. applause and a special thank you to the new york city gay mens chorus for performing here today cheers and applause larry goodnightly, everyone cheers and applause chris its 11 59 and 60 seconds. Happy leap second day. Yeah, you didnt know. This happened on mashable. Com today. Get your phones even closer to your radiated faces because its social media day. cheers and applause oh man so great this really necessary annual holiday was started by mashable to celebrate the thing we do with 96 of our wakes lives and its finally here. It seems it comes sooner and sooner in the last couple of years its been invented. If youve been a really good poster this year, you might even get a visit from Snapchat Santa and his sack
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