Transcripts For CNN Real Time With Bill Maher 20240929

Were building a better future for the city we all love. Ad paid for by reelect mayor London Breed 2024. Financial disclosures are available at sfethics. Org. Quip. Free your mouth. A cnn special event. The Vice President ial debate tuesday at nine. And now the hbo original series real time with Bill Maher You Doing thank you thank you down there in the middle. Hey. How You Doing thank you very much. Wow okay thank you so much. Weve got a great show for you i know its all right. I dont know what i did this week, but thank you very much. I know i know, its going to be an exciting time. Its a little more than a month before the Election Debate is tuesday. Are you excited about that really okay. You do you. Im not this i thought was kind of juicy. J. D. Vance, hes in the debate. Hes the Vice President ial candidate. They got his Text Messages. Now, you know before he was on the trump team, he compared trump to hitler, said trump was like Hitler Hitler turns out in his private Text Messages as late as 2020, he was saying trump is a failure as president , but he says he has a simple explanation for why the private messages are different than the public pronouncements. Hes a huge liar this is his conversion theory. Heres what he says is that he was won over by Trumps Performance in office. Really hes you say hes hitler, but then tariffs okay but trumps you know trump i say this every week but its true every week. Hes just losing it more i mean whether its the dogs eating the or the you know last week it was i could have been bigger than elvis if i had a guitar. I mean, this week he says china ruined the Furniture Industry, the Furniture Industry china. He said, im not making that. He said. Chairs used to last, but now they only last a couple of months. Yes thats why when Donald Trump sits on a chair, it breaks China Man the chinese they also make pants that split make up that runs and ramps that make you fall down. Those goddamn chinese but you know he knows hes losing and hes losing to a woman so hes now going after the woman he said this week, women, if he gets reelected women will be this a quote will be happy, healthy, confident and free youre promising women will be confident are you a dictator or a deodorant will be the greatest protector of women. In fact, he he cares about women so much that when he had his beauty pageants, he used to walk into the Dressing Room to check up on them i also obsessed with the idea that Kamala Harris worked at mcdonalds or rather that she didnt. She says that she did when she was young like a zillions of people do. And he says, no theres no evidence of it. You cannot prove you worked at mcdonalds pads their resume by saying they worked at mcdonalds . What no i i think Kamala Harris is playing this one just right now. One of her big issues that shes vulnerable on is the border. So she went to the border this week. She went to the border. That was honest used to be the border czar. She visited there. So interesting along with working at mcdonalds. Now thats two places she worked that have a convenient drive through also working to shore up her vulnerabilities. There have been a lot of pressure on her. She doesnt do interviews, she doesnt answer questions. So she sat for an interview. She said, okay i will answer your Hardball Questions so she went on msnbc okay. All right. I wasnt, you know there were not Hardball Questions but i still expected not them to be rubbing her feet. I is the week we see it every year. The big event goes on in New York the un meets in this week every year in september and, you know, i mean, you could say a lot of bad things about the un. And i probably will tonight, but there is something stirring about 133 different nations, all coming together, different governments different economies, different goals and they all have one thing in common. Theyve all bribed Eric Adams uh eric, hes been on the show. The mayor of New York. I dont understand politicians. I really dont. I mean, he let turkey, the country of turkey bribe him. For what . For, like 10,000 with a bullshit upgrades and flights and hotel rooms. Oh, and what did they get for it oh, the fire department inspection. He called that off on their consulate. I mean, this is so petty and also it was going to get caught. There were other Signs Turkey was in the fix here. I mean, he renamed the lincoln come on. No okay and friends in Florida Hurricane Helene oh, i know we are thinking about you our friends down there, because. Oh, wow, that that was a bad hurricane. And if youre currently in the bushes outside maralago place. The Secret Service will eventually find you but every time we have a hurricane, i see the same thing on the news. Every news has the one guy who they interview who wont go, wont evacuate because god has a plan. Yes. His plan. Hes going to drown you have you read the bible . Its a lot of people drowning. All right, we got a great show. Ian bremmer and Yuval Noah Harari are here look at the news of the week and ask questions like, what does a Comedy Show doing On Cnn . Thats too much fun . Landslide i want donald now. Can you slice that . Have i got news for you tonight at nine On Cnn 30. Zyrtec Allergy Relief works fast and lasts a full 24 hours. So dave can be the deliverer of dance. Okay dave, lets be more than our allergies seize the day with zyrtec. Did you know that if you shave, one third of what you remove is skin new dove helps Repair It. So if you shave it dove it. New dove replenish your skin after every shave. What are you talk about the news sports a little family gossip, maybe . Nah, you dont do that. Right. Well heres another topic for you as they get older, their risk of getting really sick from a respiratory virus like Flu Covid 19, or rsv goes up a lot so talk to them about getting the seasons vaccines because youve still got so much to talk about life is not always a straight line. There are knots. You learn to untangle you can play with but you shine back and when life gets messy, you take control. Because every time you look in the mirror, you know you have what it takes to style life the way you want tresemme style your Way Day to put down some Scotts Turf Builder winter guard. Its perfect for giving the lawn a boost. This fall. Thank you perfect for repairing all the fun i have this summer. No, its perfect for strengthening roots to help protect it all winter. More like perfect for giving the grass a deeper green. Come spring. Sounds like its perfect for your neighbor yeah. 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Winning is everything stupid. Next saturday at seven On Cnn on. She is one of the greatest Wits America has ever produced. Currently touring an evening with Fran Lebowitz. You can catch her next on November 13th in nashville, tennessee and November 14th in richardson, texas Fran Lebowitz you . How are you . Nice to see you as always fran. Yes great to see you. Thank you for coming by for your annual check in here at real time. We need you so badly. The people love you. They want you they need your wisdom. You have wisdom, and youre hoarding your wisdom. So give us your wisdom tonight. What is on your mind . Mostly the election, i would guess Katharine Hayhoe Kamala Harris yeah. The election is on my mind the State Of The World is on my mind Eric Adams is on my mind. I was well, as in. Yeah as a New Yorker, what do you think about that . I mean, im so amazed. Not that politicians can be bribed, but that they can be bribed so cheaply hes not, you know, hes not a genius. Eric adams. I mean when i saw, i mean, i didnt even vote for him. Okay . So like, it didnt take much to see that he was, at best, a crook. Okay so i didnt vote for him even in The General. I voted for the socialist candidate. Even though im not a socialist, i dont remember her wouldnt recognize her in a crowd of one, but i did not want to be one millionth responsible for Eric Adams so this should not come as a revelation. I mean the specifics. I agree with you. I mean, when i saw all the specific stuff, like especially the Plane Tickets where he asked for like three more Business Class tickets and two more Business Class tickets, and i thought, eric, youre stealing first class. Like, why Business Class okay its like but for the pettiness of the crimes. Dont you think theyre coming down on him a little hard . No. Hes the mayor of New York no. Yeah, i know, no, im not saying im not excusing it, but, i mean, ive seen politicians do slightly worse things, right . Like, like, try to overthrow the government of the united states. I mean its just its i dont know if it rises to this level of umbrage by everybody. So shocked and horrified. And this is the worst thing that ever happened. Its a little over the top. Well, i dont think anyone thinks its the worst thing has ever happened. Its just that i dont understand why they didnt find this stuff out before, which it was very clear. Its not like, you know before this, he was like abraham lincoln. And then he turned out to be this. I mean, this was a very apparent thing. He didnt even apparently live in New York. Theres as far as i can tell, theres one rule for being the mayor. You have to live in new York City okay . He he said he lived in an apartment in brooklyn, but he also had a condominium in fort lee, new jersey, which he said first. He said he had nothing to do with his girlfriend lived in it. Then he said, well yes, but his Primary Residence was in brooklyn. And im thinking, youre a public servant. Yeah. What do you mean . Your Primary Residence . You know. Who are you . Barry diller how can you have two residences . You know, i mean so he didnt even live in New York okay. He also ran partially on the fact that he was a vegan, which i cannot think of anything less important than what they eat okay then finally finally, a bunch of reporters went into his apartment in brooklyn and one of them opened the refrigerator. Which is why you dont want a bunch of reporters in your apartment and there was bacon in the refrigerator. Now, im no expert on veganism but im thinking bacon. Probably not. Yeah. Then he said it was his Sons Bacon and i think its because it was his Sons Apartment i see. All right. So no think theyre coming down to earth. You are much more tolerant than i am, bill. Yes. Okay so we know that. And you also dont live in New York, so you dont care who the mayor is. But i do, right . Yeah no, i dont all right, well, lets move on now. I dont know if youve seen this program often. Probably not, because it involves electricity. Right you have electric but ive been obsessed all year with this idea that they had four years to get trump five different trials. And somehow they let it go away. Like hes not really going to get the trials. Are not going to be apparently involved in this election at all and the democrats had time to do this time four years. And they had the power. No, they were in office. And the Attorney General was merrick garland. And yet it all went away. And now the Supreme Court has ruled that hes not liable for any of this. Right. Because what he had was Supreme Court okay. So, you know the democrats had like elected people, the Supreme Court is completely his, you know, i mean its so disgraceful this court that it shouldnt even be allowed to be called the Supreme Court. You know, i mean it is a its an insult to motown to call it the Supreme Court. So its not even its only a court in the sense that the court of Louis Xvi was a court. You know, i mean, basically its a harem. Okay its a harem. Its trumps harem. So i always feel sorry for the three real judges on the court. You know, i know a lot of people have jobs. Not me, not you. And you have to go to work every day. And there are people you dont like at work but can you imagine having to go to work every day alito, you have to go to work with alito. With kavanaugh, you know, i mean, it must be horrible. So what biden should do . Not that you asked, but when they passed that law, the Supreme Court passed that ruling said, youre not the president , youre the king, which is what that ruling is whatever you want. You can never be, you know held responsible. I thought, you know biden is still the president. No one seems to notice. But should dissolve the Supreme Court, dissolve the Supreme Court. Come on im the king now, like you said, and go home. Okay, good centrist. Um so you but you had Jury Duty recently, did you not im sorry. Jury duty not recently. I have been called for Jury Duty numbers of times, but i have not been called recently, and i always managed to get off like the one there were two times i was about to go on like you know, i dont know. I dont know how they do here, but they call 3 Million people, you know, you sit there like for days, then they call like 100 people. Then you go into the court and then they pick at literally out of a hat, like youre in like third grade and youre picking like, whos going to be the head of the school picnic, okay . And they pick 20 people. Yeah. Yes and so i was one of those 20 people and it was a buy and bust. It was before marijuana was legal. And they the defendant was in the courtroom. Theyre ready to go the second they pick the jury and they asked me a question, you know can you be fair or whatever . And i said no and they got off. Why not . I said, because i think drugs should be legal. So this enraged the judge i said, look, i am this kind of thing, this buying bus thing. This is entrapment. I said, this cop whos sitting in the courtroom in his Cop Suit i said, he goes into the park dressed as a Drug Dealer or drug buyer, buys the drugs and then arrests the guy. Then he comes in here dressed as a cop. You know if you were going to make this illegal, then he should dress as a cop and run after him eventually got off. Yes after being yelled at by the prosecutor. Speaking of getting off, what did you think of the Puff Daddy Situation mean, i only im only asking because Sex Parties, i mean, its sort of like a trend now. And im wondering. I know you were in New York in the 70s when it was a very bohemian kind of place, and you were a part of the the Beautiful People crowd downtown and so forth. Remember Platos Retreat that was a straight place, bill. Platos retreat. Yeah, but it was a sex party. Yes. For straight people. Okay but who apparently needed a special club, even though they had the whole rest of the world, they needed this club but what do you think of the fact that this is sort of a new trend in america . Because weve heard about the Covid Czar in New York the Covid Czar. You didnt see that the. I dont know what you mean sorry. The Covid Czar in New York went to Sex Parties when he was telling everybody else to shelter inside and and Matt Gaetz went to Sex Parties i mean, ive seen Sex Parties in the headlines i know, like you know i dont think thats the only thing that puffy is being i dont know, i havent followed exactly. You know, the thing about puffy, but the what really stuck in my mind was the 1000 bottles of Baby Oil yeah. Okay. I mean, like, i know they have other evidence. I mean, they do have a video of him kicking a woman in the head right okay, so even if youre in favor of the 1000 bottles of Baby Oil, maybe the kicking of the woman in the head. Not so good and. But i feel like the been asking this question for seven years, since 2017, when the Metoo Thing happened. Why why not . The Music Industry mean, they went after npr pretty bad. Thats true. They got like 4 or 5 guys from npr like Old Guys who like, they posted like an outrageous limerick on the doorway of the book shop. The Music Industry is this open cesspool of misogyny and frankly, rape and Sexual Harassment and somehow they have just the angel of death has flown over them why do you think that is because this is a capitalist country and the Music Industry is much more lucrative than npr. That would be my guess. But its not more you know, i mean i mean a lot of the stories about everybody, starting with metoo, id heard a lot of these stories, you know, for many years, you know so puffy this was not exactly a state secret, you know, but it was a state secret, apparently, to them, you know, hes now in jail, i believe with I Cant remember his name, the Cryptocurrency Guy yes. Frank bankmanfried. Right him. Puffy. And now adams. All right. Its better to stay out of jail. Look who the roommates are. You got like understand that franken is going on again. You dont attend this. This is the festival that people have where they dress like you. I never i assure you, theyre making you into a cult figure. I say its long overdue. I never knew about this until last year i, i is it this time of year yes, it is to to coincide with the un meeting. Like you know which is. Have you ever been to New York during the un . Whatever. The thing is called. So basically its almost like the Super Bowl because high end hookers from all over the Country Pull in. Yes. And theres and that is basically seems to be The Business of the un because the other stuff, as we know theyre not getting done right well so the franken thing, i never heard of it until last year. You know until last year. I think its in a little bar. Its not you know, The General assembly. No, no. Okay. So i think its a little barn. People dress up like me whatever that means. Anything that can get people to read more because i dont think they read that. They dont they dont read and one reason i think they dont read as much as they used to is you wont write another book and whenever whenever i talk to people and they say, when you see Fran Lebowitz just ask her, why wont you write another book um, i wouldnt say. Maybe its not that i wont. Its that i have this, like, Writers Blockade and 45 years. Yes. Thats why i blockade as opposed to block okay, well, what can we do to unblock it . I dont know, as soon as you know, give me a call. Okay Fran Lebowitz. Everybody well take that as a challenge over. Tim Walz And J. D. Vance, in their first and only Face To Face Debate and cnn has it covered with the best political team in The Business. A cnn special event, the Vice President ial debate tuesday at nine On Cnn. I still love to surf, snowboard and of course, skate. 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Com if you or a loved one have mesothelioma free book to answer questions you may have. Call now and well come to you. 800 821 4000. Hey, all right. He is the President And Founder of the eurasia group. And gzero media. Ian bremmer back with us. One of our most frequent guests and hes a historian, Philosopher And Author of the New York times best Seller Nexus a brief history of Information Networks from the Stone Age to ai. Yuval Noah Harari great to have you here stateside okay. Speaking of that biden spoke at the u. N. This week, and he said in the years ahead there may well be no greater test of our leadership than how we deal with ai. And for a 200 year old man, i thought that was pretty forward thinking it does seem that the world is taking ai very seriously at this point. I know you think that maybe we should have the solution originate in the un. Something like the paris climate accord. No, no no, no information. I get bad information think there should be some some group that makes a decision about how we handle ai in the future . Yes, but i think we need to understand the problem before we rush to solutions. Part of the big problem of humanity, especially with ai, we tend to solve problems and then figure out that we solve the wrong problems so we need to understand what we are facing before we rush to implement this or that solution. So what is the problem that were missing and what is the problem that is really there . I think the key thing to understand about ai is that it is really different from every previous technology in history, like nuclear weapons in the sense that its not a tool, its an agent every previous technology in history, like atom bombs, we decided what to do with it, how to develop it, how to use it. This is the first technology that can actually make decisions by itself that can actually invent new things, new ideas, new medicines, new bombs, by itself. So to think about it differently than how to, for instance limit the spread of nuclear weapons the opportunities are massive. The dangers are also extraordinary, and theyre coming quickly. So i think you need two different types of governance. And one is more traditional. One is that right now the u. S. And china happen to be the dominant actors in the world private and public sector in ai. We waited until 1962 to have even the beginning of an Arms Control Conversation with the soviets, when we almost blew Each Other up in the cuban missile crisis. We cant afford to wait for decades for The Americans and chinese to start talking about Ai Arms control agreements, even though we dont trust Each Other, right . Thats critical. That has to happen but also we need to make sure that the world is talking to Each Other and understanding the these agents whats happening in ai both the opportunities so that they can be used in the Global South for by poorer people in the united states that dont necessarily have the not just by the people that have access to the biggest companies. And that is something that has to be done globally. Thats something that has been advanced this week at the united nations. And with the exception of the russians who tried to scuttle it at the last moment, everyone else agreed europeans, the chinese. Turns out when you have a big issue like this, you can actually get countries together and agree to do some things that when i see it watching and then our world changed. Tv on the Edge Tomorrow at nine On Cnn your Record Label is taking off, but so is your sound engineer. You need to hire. I need indeed. Indeed you do. 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I have atcm a rare but serious disease and getting diagnosed early made a difference. If you have any of these warning signs, dont waitl too. I can feel the winds of change. We look at the news of the week and ask questions like what does a Comedy Show doing On Cnn . Thats too much fun. Landslide. I want donald now. Can you slice that Have I Got News For You . Next On Cnn havent. Let me ask you something else ive probably got wrong. Um think that Free Speech should only extend to humans, not bots . Yes, i did say. Oh, good. I got one out of two. Yes so meaning if there are Chat Bots theres no Free Speech for them, which is not Something Everybody agrees with at this point. Yeah. And also, more importantly, no Free Speech or no free pass for the algorithms that are now managing the Social Media Platforms which are the most important Media Platforms in the world . Um, you know, basically we now have the most sophisticated Information Technology in history, and people are losing the ability to hold the conversation to talk with Each Other, to listen to Each Other this is not just a us problem. It is All Over The World. And this is largely because because we gave one of the most important just in the Media Industry in the world to algorithms which are not regulated and nobody is liable for what they are doing. You know, the job of of News Editors was once one of the most important jobs a Human Can can fulfill, right . Lenin, before he was dictator of the soviet union, was editor of a newspaper mussolini, before he was the dictator of italy. He was editor of a newspaper now, the most important editors in the world are algorithms. The algorithms that decide what you will see on the newsfeed in Facebook Or Tiktok or twitter or youtube and they were given a very specific and narrow goal by their Human Masters to increase human engagement, to increase user engagement. And they discovered by experimenting on billions of Human Guinea Pigs that the easiest way to grab User Attention is to press the Hate Button or the greed button, or the Fear Button in our minds. And this is what they have been doing for the last couple of years or decades and this is what makes the conversation almost All Over The World impossible. They are flooding the world with Junk Information and nobody is liable for that because they hide behind Free Speech. But what we want really, from the corporations is not to be liable for what the Human Users are saying here. Free speech should definitely be protected. They should be liable for what they are, their algorithms do. I tend to comparison if we had a new genetically modified food, we would absolutely be testing it before we release it with society. If we have a new vaccine even if theres a pandemic on, we want to make sure we test it. Its an emergency before we release it. We have algorithms that we are releasing real time into society and just seeing what happens with the kids, with the adults and you know, lets just see if democracy can stand up to that, that that strikes me is a real problem. And the companies im not anticapitalist at all fran will have a different view but, but, but i actually think we need more capitalism. The capitalists that are driving The Business Models Cant only be capitalists when theyre making money and become socialists when theyre causing damage, right . They have to take responsibility for the negative externalities, and they dont want to do and if they refuse to do that, who pays . We pay our kids pay. Thats the danger absolutely. And the other thing is that this is just, you know, extremely primitive ais, the algorithms, the ais that manage the Social Media Platforms. They are just the first generation. We havent seen anything yet in 10 or 20 years. We will have far more powerful ais, and we need to start thinking very seriously, how do we manage that . Again understanding that these are not tools in our hands, these are agents that can make decisions that we cant anticipate, that can invent new ideas from new texts to new financial devices that really go beyond the human imagination. And as you say, incentivize hate, hate and fear. And you mentioned also greed. I would say the only thing that could trump that would be sex which is coming. Yeah. I mean, they used to say, you know, if you put porn on television, it would get the highest ratings. Well, if you had normal television and you allowed put that people the Lizard Brain would go to that but they dont allow anything dirty on tiktok. Look, yuvals worst, hes worried about 10 to 20 years out. Im worried about 2 to 3 years out. When your rolling out ai algorithms, bots that are trained on your personal data youre going to spend more time with that entity, with that bot for your health, for your finances, for your personal relationships. And yes your Love Life than anything else. Again, i dont i dont feel very comfortable, just releasing that because its profitable thats the sex youre talking about. Bill listen to this. Axios put this out today. 54 of respondents in a survey agreed with the statement ive disengaged from politics because I Cant tell whats true. And i thought i throughout this campaign have been reading the paper, of course, many different papers. One day ill Look And Itll be like crime is way down. The next day crime is way up. Depending on where you look. Im in this Business And I cant tell you whether crime is up or down because im. I feel like im one of these people. Although I Cant disengage. Its my job, but i dont know whats true or not. And then i read about Janet Jackson. Did you see what she said about. Oh, she people know shes talking about Kamala Harris and she said, well, i heard her fathers white because thats what trump said and this is Janet Jackson and they were like, why are you saying this . She said thats what i heard most. And then lots of people were like, oh, its a conspiracy. Its like, oh please dont overthink it. This is does. People are telling me im hearing dont overthink it. Its just that not that bright. Theyre not well informed, especially celebrities so its not a conspiracy. This is just somebody said this to her or she saw it somewhere and this is what she is now thinking. You know, bill, the most important issue to americans in this election, its not state of democracy, its not abortion. Its on immigration. Number one issue they consistently say is the economy right . Yes. And yet the way people feel about the economy when you poll them before the 2020 Election And Right after the 2020 election flipped completely, all the democrats were unhappy with the election when trump was the economy, when trump was president. Now theyre happy all of the republicans were unhappy. Now theyre happy. Thats the most important issue were voting on. And literally the only thing that matters to them, principally, is not the rate of inflation. Its not the rate of unemployment, its not the interest rates. Lord knows, not the Stock Market its just whats your guy telling you . Whats your gal telling you that you cant maintain democracy in that environment for long . Okay. I think the key issue is that democracy is based on trust whereas dictatorship is based on terror. If you annihilate systematically destroy trust in institutions destroy trust in the media, in academia, in the courts, and so forth. Some people think that this is liberating the people. So from these institutions, its not when you destroy all trust, the only thing that can still work is a dictatorship. So this is what would be dictators do. They systematically destroy trust. And the other thing to realize is that the vast majority of information is not truth a key misconception, especially in places like silicon valley, is to equate information with truth most information is junk i mean, the truth is a very rare and costly and precious. Uh kind of of of information because, you know, to write a truthful story, you need to invest a lot of time and Effort And Money in Research And Fact checking. Whereas fiction is very very cheap about . The news the sports a little family gossip, maybe . Nah, you dont do that. Right. Well heres another topic for you as they get older, their risk of getting really sick from a respiratory virus like Flu Covid 19, or rsv goes up a lot so talk to them about getting the seasons vaccines because youve still got so much to talk about did you know that if you shave, one third of what you remove is skin new dove helps Repair It . So if you shave it dove it, new dove replenish your skin after every shave as a cardiologist, when i put my patients on a statin to reduce cholesterol, i also tell them it can deplete their coq10 levels. I recommend taking coq10. Schnoll has three times better absorption than regular coq10. Kunal. The brand i trust when you live with Diabetes Progress is having your coffee like you like it without an audience yeah, the freestyle libre three plus sensor tracks your glucose in real time, so everyone else doesnt have to, and over time, it can help lower your a1c confident choices for more control of your life this is progress. Learn more and try for free at freestylelibre. Us not always a straight line. They are knots. You learn to untangle can play with you shine back and when life gets messy, you take control. Because every time you look in the mirror you know you have what it takes to style life the Wa Life changing. Find the real you again. Go to muesli. Com tv. Closed captioning brought to you by book. Com if you or a loved one have mesothelioma, well send you a free book to answer questions you may have. Call now and well come to you 808 two one 4000. Look back 100 years from now, were going to say this is where everything changed in the sky. Hey they cant do it like us we are talking about the revolution. Music difference. The world fundamentally changed. Clinton undermined america felt betrayed. 20 tens have ushered in pete buttigieg. We keep moving, too much, baby. Aint no stoppin. Keep your hands in the air. We keep on rockin we need new rule. We need to track down this car from 2021. I have so many questions about Bud Light. Is my vaccine did you ever think maybe i should look up how to spell vaccine 2023 when you found out Bud Light turns you gay who riddell. Someone has to explain to me the Business Model of The American drugstore. Well sell drugs, but also alcohol, sweatpants halloween crap, and overpriced usb cords and yeah, well well only hire one employee to manage it all who also has to serve Ice Cream and take Passport Photos and and when the shoplifters show up, because nobodys minding the store, well lock everything behind glass and make customers wait 45 minutes for a jar of vaseline. Im telling you, it cant fail boy new rule. People who are still wearing masks in public in September Of 2024 have to write the reason why. On the mask the reasons we will accept. I have a cold. I have a cold sore my Lip Piercing got infected. Im asian, im a huge pussy and ive been in a ive been in a coma since 2021. Wait, are we not still doing this rule. Now that its officially fall, dont ask me to go on a hayride or visit a Pumpkin Patch or check out a Corn Maze or any other happy seasonal bullshit. This is california. We dont do fall here when our when our leaves turn brilliant orange, its because theyre on fire the mom Whos Video of her baby getting stuck in the Doggy Door went viral. Has to answer the question. Why didnt you put down the phone and help your baby goes on for a while. Whats Mom And Dad waiting for . The golden Hour Hitchcock treated tippi when they were making the birds for gods sakes is how you parent humans, you should probably stick to doggies and finally new rule. The smartest thing democrats did this year was finding their patriotism again. If you me a year ago that if Kamala Harris would be the nominee and in her acceptance speech, she would use the word privilege, i would not have guessed that she used it the way she did the greatest privilege on earth, the Privilege And Pride of being an american and Tim Walz also began his speech with a great line saying, were all here tonight for one beautiful, simple reason. We love this country. And yet this message doesnt seem to be catching on with a lot of the younger people. None of them are standing up and screaming, thats my country quite the quite the reverse quite the reverse the protests that started off as justice for palestine have morphed into a broader kind of america. Is the problem. We fucked up the whole World Thing last weekend there was a Propalestine Rally in seattle, and when the Rapper Macklemore said Fuck America, everybody loved it yeah, Fuck America big hit with the queers for Gaza Crowd for a government that would imprison you or kill you for being queer from the Safety And Security of a country that doesnt do that the only place in the world where a white guy from the suburbs could become a Millionaire Rapper because here every person, regardless of race, class or gender, has the right to be talent free guess what . Document allows you to protest and chant hey hey, ho ho, followed by something really stupid yeah Constitution Day was last week. Its an actual federal holiday, but No One noticed. Despite the fact that its probably the greatest legal document ever. Is it flawed of course. It was written by humans and they were all white men as depicted in this illustration from google. I actual ideas in it . I wont hold my breath for that because only 14 of eighth graders are proficient in history now, and only 22 in civics, which may be why 4 in 10 Gen Zers say the authors of the constitution are best described as villains. Wow its amazing. Since in 1970 19, in 1776, James Monroe was 18. Alexander hamilton was 21, and James Madison 25. Joe biden was founders, they were the Gen Z of their day. And when they were your age, they country. What the fuck have you done isnt perfect because it wasnt written by taylor swift. But made excruciating compromises obviously, Slavery But Slavery was a Deal Breaker for the southern states, so there would have been two countries and then to end slavery in North America it would have involved invading a sovereign nation instead of having the moral high ground of keeping a union together. Would that have been better history is complicated and Gen Z reasoning is not they think theyre pure, but theyre really just simplistic. They know two things white people did some very bad things and no, thats it. Thats all they did. Thats what they knew i know that too. But i also know other things like how in 1776, slavery was a lot like flying private. Today if you could afford to, you would have done it to everybody. Did it of all races throughout history in the bible and All Over The World. If you hate George Washington for slavery, are you prepared to hate the Woman King because her empire was built on it too . And where do you imagine is this place outside of your brilliant, pure minds thats so much better than america at least america. Selfcorrects a mechanism for which was actually written into the constitution. The citizens of gaza cannot assemble in protest of their own government, cannot do or say what they want or practice whatever religion they want, or have a free press. All rights guaranteed in just our first amendment, the irony is in all this is that the world, the founders birthed, flawed though it may be provides the bedrock for everything that makes life good for the very people who hate them. So much. Its so easy to take for granted bill of rights, the rule of law, checks and balances, getting a trial by jury, the peaceful transfer of power, protecting Minority Rights and democracy itself. But those are the things that make our pampered, Privileged Bratty lives so relatively cushy. No one starves here, even our poor people are fat to be bribed. Anyone can get rich. The cops are flawed. But were not a police state. The drinks dont make you go blind and No One pushes you out of a window for a bad Yelp Review our government takes a lot and fucks up a lot, but it also gives a lot. Health Care Retirement Money unemployment, disability, college grants, food stamps, maybe in the blissfully perspective, free mind, this all add up to a low bar that america has reached but you have to ask, why do millions of people every Year Risk their lives to come here because we got. The founders were flawed, but they did Build A place the whole world wants to break into. No one is paying a coyote to smuggle them into India Or Russia dont see us as the problem. They see us as the solution. And theres a reason they kill themselves to get here. And its not just the ponds full of Delicious Ducks and geese. All right thats our show. Were off next week. Well be back on october 11th. Ill be at the Taft In Cincinnati this sunday. The majestic in san antonio, october 12th, and the Tulsa Theater in tulsa, october 13. I want to thank Ian Bremmer Yuval Noah Harari and Fran Lebowitz. Now go watch overtime on youtube. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate it thank you okay