Transcripts For CNN Real Time With Bill Maher 20240922

And now the hbo original series real time with bill maher you doing everybody. How are you doing thank you i appreciate it. Thank you very much all right. Sit down. We have some. This show, i mean unbelievable. The amount of news we have to cover it's a good thing we've stopped clapping so let's not bury the lead. The big story this week they tried to shoot trump again. Let's not not funny. This okay i'm being serious now. This is the second time this happened. I said this before. There can be no fuzz on this. This is not funny okay? it's not okay. It's not okay to wish it happened problem well, i mean, look, this happens too frequently. I'm sorry this happened on the golf course. A guy was laying in wait, and it happens, too much. In fact, besides the shooter, there were two other shooters beside him waiting to play through this has got to stop to come out with a statement. This is no time to talk about gun control. They said guns do not kill people pagers kill people other big story. This week. The fight with hezbollah is on. They're in the middle east. And the way israel did it some pretty amazing, you know terrorists know this for a long time. The first thing you got to do, get rid of your cell phone because they could track you there. So they've been using old school pagers. And the israelis this week made all the pagers blow up in what they call operation 1980s drug dealer israel man. They they took the fight from their river to their pants dicks oh, i'm telling you nobody's in the mood to take any shit these days. Did you see kamala with oprah winfrey? asked her about owning a gun and kamala said anybody who breaks into my house is getting shot. Yes accused her of turning even blacker losing his mind. He's losing his mind. He's losing his cool. And he's going to lose the election. Uh well, you know, i thank you that's it i put i put down my marker on that last week made my prediction. But this i'm telling you, even for him, it's going off the rails. He keeps saying now kids are undergoing sex change operations at school. At school they're doing it at school. Wow. When i was nervous for picture day oh at school and you know, in that case girls who want to become boys you got to get them early before first period. And then there's there is a republican who was who was the candidate for governor. Governor in north carolina named mark robinson. He's a super christ jesus loving hard right, conservative, african american man. And then cnn has dug up a lot of his past. That's what happens when you run. Okay. He was on all these websites. He liked tranny porn, didn't care about abortion, he said. And he wanted to or intimated he would like to bring back slavery. And of course, the republican reaction to this is predictable, awful unforgivable continue yes and he also referred to himself as a black nazi also posted that he spied on women in the girls locker room. So he's a peeping tom and an uncle tom. That's something new. I've never for 25 years. When you think the republicans can't go lower, they do. They? i mean, a black nazi. And i think it is, you know, on his website, he referred to his penis as pee wee german is embarrassing because the trump campaign has a rally scheduled for north tomorrow. And they told mark robinson, you are no longer welcome there. Absolutely not. This is for white nazis only they're not nazis republicans want to replace him with someone less freaky, but he's in jail. So oh, that well, i mean, come on, that is that is an american tragedy story. I mean, pete, did he i don't know if anybody's fallen from that height. I mean, this guy is worth, they say, over $400 million from basically three sources owning a record label brand affiliation and buying lube in bulk i see this? they i don't want to i don't want to judge a book by its cover, but they seized a thousand bottles of lube and baby oil in his house because he was having these parties they called freak off, which went on for days. Sometimes people needed iv. They were partying so hard and you know, a freak off. I'm all good with it bothered me about it is do you bring a gift and i would then you're like, well, i'll bring baby oil there. Oh, everybody brought baby put it with you. It's just but i mean, i don't know if he's ever going to see the light of day again he's in jail. They wouldn't even give him bail. I mean, the charges sex trafficking forced labor, kidnaping arson, bribery, obstruction of justice. And you may say arson that's going a little bit too far, but you try putting out a baby oil fire. All right we've got a great show. We have bret stephens and stephanie ruhle fall, cnn is taking a break from breaking news to air. Have i got news for you? breaking news? i'm getting a sandwich. We need to talk about what constitutes breaking news. Have i got news for you premieres tonight at nine on cnn and stream next day on max the freestyle libre three plus sensor tracks your glucose in real time and over time, it can help lower your a1c this is progress. Learn more and try for free at freestylelibre. Us hey, scott, this stuff's perfect for fall, right? yep, it fits your lawn now to strengthen roots all winter for a better lawn next spring. How do you know all this says it right there on the back. Yes it does. Download the my lawn app today for lawn care tips and customized plans. Feed your lawn. Feed it look, everything you heard about me is true i want what's mine cost trust me, it's just the beginning streaming exclusively on max dupixent can help people with asthma breathe better in as little as two weeks. So this dupixent is an add on treatment for specific types of moderate to severe asthma. It's not for sudden breathing problems. Dupixent can cause allergic reactions that can be severe. Tell your doctor right away if you have rash chest pain, worsening shortness of breath tingling, or numbness in your limbs. Tell your doctor about new or worsening joint aches and pain or a parasitic infection. Don't change or stop asthma medicines, including talking to your doctor. Ask your specialist about dupixent today's biggest feat wasn't making costumes for the school play or locking in an appointment and actually getting there with time to spare. It was the fact that the silvas went four for four on getting all their flu shots with no tears. Bravery rewarded when it's time for vaccines it's time for cvs choose safeway? we were loading our suv when crack safelite came right to us, and we could see exactly when they'd arrive with the replacement. We could trust. Schedule free mobile service at safelite. Com safelite repair safelite. Replace what is the dumbest thing you've ever wasted money on? i was paying for two netflix accounts over like three years. How did you figure that out? i saw an app that shows you all the monthly subscriptions you have and how much you're paying what is the app called? rocket money premieres tomorrow at nine on cnn political scientist and author of the recently rereleased book false alarm how climate change panic costs us trillions hurts the poor and fails to fix the planet bjorn lomborg bjorn how are you sir? how are you? good to meet you. It's been a while. Thank you. Okay all right. I'm so glad you're here. Because we can talk about environment every time we have a political campaign in this country. It becomes the forgotten issue people care about it. They care about it, and they care about it. And then they just don't seem to want to talk about it. Maybe because it doesn't poll very well. But, i mean, you are a skeptic of a lot of what goes on about what people say about how dire climate change is. And i think that's good. I think we need skepticism, but i must say, i am skeptical of you. You should be. Exactly. We all just need to be skeptical. So first of all, you've never been paid by anybody, right? like an oil company. No, we don't take money from oil companies. And the important part here is to remember that what we're talking about is really just saying what does the science tell us? and what does the economics tell us? yeah, climate change is a real problem. It is one of the things that we need to fix in the 21st century. But it's not this armageddon that it's been made out to be. You know, you hear on the news, these catastrophic calamitous, calamitous climate stories all the time. But these are very carefully selected worst case scenarios, often based on ultra unrealistic. I've seen you do the opposite. Sorry. I've seen you do the opposite. Okay, well i've. It's a while ago. I'm not remembering what year, but maybe 15 years ago. Are you saying that sea levels in the last two years hadn't risen? but if you look at the chart over time, they are. But. And if you cherry pick two years. I mean, that's what the climate deniers always did. And i know you are not a denier. I wouldn't have you on if you were. But the point i was, i was trying to make there was actually and you can read the whole story and it was in the guardian newspaper. And the point i was trying to make was you constantly hear this thing is getting incredibly bad. And then a couple of years later, it doesn't on the sea level rise, it was actually such that those two years were going down. But obviously i even said it is going to go back up. But the point here is that we can't make these arguments just to show here's something that's really terrible going on and then scare people. I agree that i really hate it when people want to manipulate me. You know try to move me to just tell me the truth okay but the title of the book, false alarm. I don't like that i think that goes way too far. It's not a false alarm right. So. So it's false in the sense that we're being told this is the end of the world. A lot of people believe this is really the end of the world. A new survey, and it could be not tomorrow, but it could be, you know, dick cheney, when we were fighting terrorism, said if there's a 1% chance this is their reasoning to go into iraq which was stupid. Okay. If there's a 1% chance we should treat it like it could happen i feel like this is more than a 1% chance. Okay, i'm going to show you some of the data that actually problem, but it's not the end of the world by any means. So there's two of the world's leading climate economists. One is richard tol, one of the most quoted climate economists from from this year. And the other one is william nordhaus, the guy prize in climate economics. They both made estimates across all the different estimates of how bad is climate change going to century? at a three degree centigrade or rise the cost is going to be somewhere between two and 3% of gdp. But what will the ocean look like? i mean, i'm not talking about oceans rising. I'm talking about oceans dying and the world can't live without dead oceans. And it seems like they're in bad shape between all the plastic in them they're overfished. I mean there's very many places have no fish left at all they're too acidic coral reefs. I know you've talked about. Oh. That's exaggerated. Tell me about why you think the coral reef problem is exaggerated. That's just the data. So can i just finish the other point i was trying to make before we go on to the coral reefs so 2 to 3% of global gdp is a problem. But remember, by the end of the century the un estimates that the average person on the planet will be 450% as rich as he or she is today. So that means instead of being 450% as rich, we will feel like we're only 435% as rich. Yes that's a problem. No, it's not the end of the world. On the on the coral reef bit rich. So how does rich fix the ocean? no reefs, bit we have a situation where we have on great barrier reef so the world's biggest coral reef the australian marine scientific sorry i can't remember what they're called but they're the guys who who do the data every year on the coral reef since 1986. And they have been assessing what is the total outcome of how how good does the reef look like. And in 2009 to 2012, we thought it was terrible. It was really dramatic. The guardian wrote. The obituary for the great coral reef and the point i've just been making is the last three years they've been at the highest level, the most coral reef we've ever seen in those areas. And so the point is not that there's not a challenge for coral reefs. There is. But most of the challenge comes from overfishing, from industrial pollution from sea runoff. And those are the kinds of things that we should fix. But we're not informed if we're being told this is because of climate change. So we got to change our entire infrastructure and our global economy in order to save the oceans. When it's not actually what's going to happen maybe well imagine, as we treat the oceans ever worse, that the coral reefs are enjoying it more now look, i don't think that they're going to enjoy this, but why are they why are they doing better in the last three years? i don't think we did anything, i don't know. Oh, well, there we go all right. As long as we're that's that's honest. We don't know. I'm. I'm a data guy. I simply try to say, right, i get it. Look at the numbers and what i love that you do is that you inform people of things that you know again, the people who just want to usher me to a point of view would never tell me, like yes, we are using a lot more green energy, but it's not making the amount of fossil fuels we use go down. Why because people just use more. Yeah, that's a really key thing that i don't think americans are aware of we just use more how do we fix that one or do we not have to one of the reasons is because energy is incredibly good. Remember, you and i and most of the audience in here lives in an incredibly energy rich world. We have the opportunity we can keep cool in the summer and hot in the winter. We can get food. We can get transportation. I mean, i came from sweden. I wasn't going to row a boat over here. Right? so the the whole point, the whole point is much better off and it also makes us much more resilient. We can do a most people in the world have virtually no energy. They want a lot more energy. They honestly, you know, most people in subsaharan less energy per year than your refrigerator is not just your my refrigerator use and reality is we need much more energy. What we do need to climate change is to invest more in green energy research and development. So that charge. Well, yeah that. Sorry so that we in the long run actually can make sure that africans and indians and chinese can live an energy rich life. But without the co2 emissions. Yeah well, i want to i mean, that's i think the future. Yeah because i mean, i've said it here a couple of years ago, like, i don't know what will work to solve this problem. I know it didn't work. And that's asking people to be good. Yes. That i know doesn't work. And it's just human nature yeah. And one of the things that we have been trying to do for the last 20 years in climate policy is basically tell people to be poorer, be less welloff, be you know, uncomfortable. Would you mind being a little hotter in the summer and a little colder in the winter? that's just not going to work. What is going to work is innovation remember los angeles in the don't mean to you remember it, but remember that. Sorry, i just made that worse. Okay. No no no it's all right. Anyway. Anyway, i was alive. I'm not in. I moved out anyway. It was terribly polluted and the sort of standard climate way of tackling that would be to tell. Would you mind walking instead of driving around in cars? and of course, that wouldn't work in los angeles or anywhere else. But what we did was instead we invented the catalytic converter. It's a little gizmo you put on the tailpipe of car, and then can drive much longer and pollute much, much less. That's how you solve the problem of air pollution and the long run and climate change. All right. So let's go through of these new things just quickly. We only have a couple of minutes and i want to ask you if you ever run into greta in sweden and how does that go i wonder, but okay, giant umbrellas. These are the new things that they're going to that would block a crucial amount of solar radiation and these are all things that they have in pilot programs or the beginning of iron fertilization dumping iron into the ocean it makes photo plankton bloom. And when they die, they carry the co2 they absorb down to the seabed. Carbon capture. They already have something in iceland that pulls 4000 metric tons out of the atmosphere, and they put them in underground caverns, and then they turn into stone cloud brightening sea salt aerosols into the sky that brighten clouds and deflect the sun's rays so this is the future. You're saying this is what we're going to be? no. These are some of the things that we should be looking at because remember, if we could come up with a way to suck out the co2 of the atmosphere, that was what you were talking about from iceland at really low cost. We basically have solved the problem. We could continue doing everything we do and get rid of the entire global warming problem at fairly low cost. We're not there yet at all, but this could be one solution. And the point is, there are lots of these potential solutions now. Most of them are not going to work, but we if we invest a lot more into energy green energy, innovation and also these technologies. So basically innovation, we would have a much better chance of fixing this problem. Right now we're spending trillions of dollars really badly on poor climate policy. I'm simply saying let's spend billions but spend it much smarter on things that will actually stay skeptical all right. Thanks, pal i appreciate it. Good job bjorn lomborg everybody i've been saying publicly what people are saying to themselves, i have enough money. I could just shut up doctors i can't carver. Saturday, october 5th on cnn industry leading global payment solutions help their clients move money around the world seamlessly in over 180 countries and help a partner like the world food program as they provide more than food to people in need. Together, city and the world food program empower families across the globe shingles doesn't care, but shingrix protects only shingrix has proven over 90% effective. Shingrix is a vaccine used to prevent shingles in adults 50 years and older. Shingrix does not protect everyone and is not for those with severe allergic reactions to its ingredients or to a previous dose, and increased risk of guillainbarré syndrome was observed after getting shingrix. Fainting can also happen. 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Without a monthly subscription is amazing. Order today at tablo tv dot com you? great to see you. All right. I was like, i was like, kamala at the debate. You had to, like, reach out first and make sure i was okay. Uh he's a columnist for the new york times. Bret stephens and she hosts the 11th hour on msnbc. And msnbc, and is the senior business analyst for nbc news. Stephanie ruhle is with us. Okay. Uh today. I thought maybe we would talk about rhetoric because that's what's on trump's mind. He got shot at again and he says their rhetoric is causing me to be shot at. And then, of course in true trumpian fashion, always the most unself aware person in the universe goes on to say when they're the ones that are destroying the country, which would be also the kind of rhetoric that would make a borderline person shoot at you. But i mean, he's right. Rhetoric has consequences, but he is possibly the worst person to make this case. Yeah, i mean, it's the pot calling the kettle black. I think that's what the expression was basically born. I mean, he used this is the guy who called the media the enemy of the american people scum, vermin, all these all these phrases. Now he's, of course he's absolutely right that we probably should tone it down when we're calling our opponents the end of democracy. The end of western civilization. We're not helping our arguments. I disagree. I disagree, that's that's a dumb argument. I think, because what? no, you that's their argument, which is that you guys are saying trump is a threat to democracy, but he is a threat to democracy. The answer can't be that. We can't say what's true. I want to say what's true. And the left has to do that too. No, i'm sorry, but every time the left calls trump a threat to democracy, americans remember that in 2016, guys like me were calling trump a threat to democracy. And here we are. I don't think he was then and that dog and that dog is not to say the case against trump is that he's going to be a terrible president who is going to divide the country that is going to accomplish absolutely nothing, that is going to embarrass us in front of of of the world and is going to conduct a miserable foreign policy. But those are policy questions. You don't stop calling out the truth because people aren't listening, right? when donald trump tells lie after lie, you don't say, well nobody seems to care. It's our job in the media, right? when people complain donald trump got fact checked way more than kamala harris did. You're damn right he did. You know why he told more lies nothing but benefit from a campaign that seeks to treat him as outside the borders of political respectability so if you want to help, is he he's what you have been doing. You said he's going to be a bad president. He's going to he's a bad president because he doesn't concede elections. Not the policy. Shit. That's that comes and goes. Look, most americans realize that here we are, joe biden is the president of the united states. Kamala harris is likely the next president of united states. But the reason that trump has an enduring appeal on so many americans is that so, so many of us in the media want to treat him right as absolutely beyond the pale. And you know how trump supporters respond by oh, yeah, he's beyond the pale. I'm going to vote for him. We have done nothing but help trump for the last eight years. So that's how we should organize our political views by what the idiots will do. I mean that and he is beyond the pale. And on this rhetoric question, i mean, they both have things that they say about the other person that are pretty bad. That's politics that's always going on. There's only one side. There should be no false equivalency here. That uses the kind of rhetoric that they use. Like, i remember trump's here i dug it up. The tough people, i can tell you i have the support of the police, the support of the military. And then he brings up the bikers, the support of the bikers. Right. I think if you have the military and the police, i don't know if we're going to need the bikers, but okay i have the tough people, but they don't play it tough until the democrats go to a certain point, and then it would be very bad. This is the heritage foundation president. That's like the number one republican, the king of project 2025. Okay well, that's kind of a bullshit talking point 2025. But we don't have to go there now. But he is the heritage foundation is the main conservative think tank. We are in the process of the second american revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be. Do you don't hear that from the other side? this idea of, look, we don't want to have to kill you winning and the country keeps going your way, we will. Would you not agree that that is different? i absolutely agree, and look, i've been an opponent of trump from the from day one and i've suffered professional consequences for. No i have no i have for that for that opposition. You're here tonight. That's cool. That's that that is definitely. But look the point is here if we are asking ourselves how we want to best make the case against donald trump constantly pressing the button that he is an existential threat to our democracy, when we are here in 2024, having having an election is not going to work. Make the case that he was and would be a terrible president, and that's an effective case here here's where i take brett's point that we really all could bring down the rhetoric. Donald trump was the one who, who, who started with the divisive vile language when he went down the escalator in 2015. He has capitalized on it. He ran on it. He's benefited politically for it. And our country has suffered. But what he did he saw vulnerabilities and sensitivities that that the american people had, and he saw that they were scared and he told them lies and he freaked them out and he made them panicked. And what we need to do or what democrats need to do is take a look at those vulnerabilities. Right. Look at the immigration thing in the last two weeks, all we're talking about is donald trump with the dogs and the cats in springfield, ohio. And we're saying that's absurd and it's vile and it's idiotic however, there is something to talk about with an issue like immigration, with the country changing so rapidly, there are people in the country who are saying the country is moving so fast because of technology, because of demographics and instead of saying to those people well, then you're old or stupid or you're xenophobic or you're racist instead, see where they are, talk to them and actually embody love thy neighbor. Because you know what? in springfield ohio, it has changed dramatically, right? you got a huge influx of haitian migrants legally there for jobs, but you also should give time and space, maybe for an older generation. That's saying my town is changing. I want to know about this or learn about this instead of just saying, just get with it. The country is moving. So this is such an important such a terrific point that stephanie is making. I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. It's a terrific point. As you often make terrific points um the way in which demagogues succeed historically is not by that they tell lies. Yes, they do tell lies. But they traffic in half truths. And the problem that we've had in responding to trump is that we listen to the lie like people eating cats in springfield ohio. But we don't listen to the part of the argument that contains an important seed of truth, which is that mass illegal migration has had huge and often negative consequences. And trump's opponents have to, like, come to grips with the parts of the message that are resonating with tens of millions of voters. And democrats will immediately say, but it's not illegal. They're here illegally. But hold on, even if they're here legally, and even if that is the fabric of the united states since our country was founded, we've struggled with assimilating to immigrants whether it was irish people or italian people and take the opportunity to help educate people rather than just say, get with it or you're out of favor. Yeah. I mean been preaching that for a long time and look, i think as i said last week, i think it i think he's toast i think trumpism will go on after him. They will look for somebody else as long as there is on the left people, racial hysterics and hamas lovers and extreme socialists and gender deniers and people who want to keep the parents in the dark there will be another trump but this one, i think is done. You can just feel it. I mean, here are some of the things he said this week. I'm the greatest of all time. Maybe elvis elvis had a guitar. I don't have the privilege of a guitar all, when i think of great guitarists. Elvis like you know, it's like clapton, hendrix, joe walsh, elvis. It was a prop. He never even played it. Uh, he also said, i really haven't been treated very well but that's the story of my life yes. Born into crushing wealth you know, i inheriting a real estate fortune that he squandered. I feel like it's just at that point where they've had enough. And it'll trust me. The polls will be tied on election day, but the people will get in the booth and enough of them will be like, yeah because i don't want people to know i'm him. But i promise you they will. I feel like there's a third of america that's always with the trumps. They used to call them the the birchers and the birthers and the tea party. They go by many different names at the same people and then he moved it to like half the country. And it'll move back a little closer to the third and we'll be okay. We'll see. Yeah. We'll see watching and then our world changed. Tv on the edge premieres tomorrow at nine on cnn the assignment with audie cornish. Listen wherever you get your podcasts a perfect day for a family outing. Shingles doesn't care, but shingrix protects only shingrix has proven shingrix is a vaccine used to prevent shingles in adults 50 years and older. Shingrix does not protect everyone and is not for those with severe allergic reactions to its ingredients or to a previous dose, and increased risk of guillainbarré syndrome was observed after getting shingrix. Fainting can also happen. The most common side effects are pain, redness, and swelling. At the injection site, muscle pain, tiredness, headache shivering, fever, and upset stomach. Ask your doctor or pharmacist about shingrix today. We all know costs are too high. But while corporations are gouging families, trump is focused on giving them tax cuts but kamala harris is focused on you building up the middle class will be a defining goal of my presidency. She'll make groceries more affordable by cracking down on price gouging, and she'll cut housing costs by taking on corporate speculators. Middle class families build america. We need a leader who has their back. I'm kamala harris and i approve this message on medicare. Living with diabetes progress is having your coffee like you like it the freestyle libre three plus sensor is covered by medicare. For more people managing diabetes with insulin this is progress. Ask your doctor today time, there was an meticulously crafted to stir your imagination and dare you to dream luxurious three row dreams up to harry's. Get your trial set for just $7 at harrys. Com slash smooth the pros for have i got news for obvious. Yeah, but what are the cons? we could run out of news before then. That would never happen. Have i got news for you? next on cnn union. Fed. The fed lowered interest rates so that's really good for people who want to buy a house and stuff. Inflation and prices are down crime down. Uh border crossings way down wages are up and the stock market is at record high. And the candidate said, i hate taylor swift running a black nazi in north carolina i mean, i i'm not worried. Democrats need to do a better job. They are dead even i i'm telling you, the polls will be i the polls are dead. I promise you they will be. And i promise you it's going to come out okay. Why why isn't kamala running away? well, here's another reason why i think it's going. You can always tell when it's going south, when the ship is sinking, it's because the person like trump did not at the center of it starts surrounding himself with. I mean, he normally surrounds himself with pretty crazy people but this laura loomer i don't know if you know anything about her, but i mean, this this is. Yeah. I mean, i want to go through the list of conspiracy theorists, but we thought this would be a good week to get the audience to know her a little better. She's the new groupie in trump's circle. That's my opinion so we do one of our favorites here 24 things you don't know about example, my spirit animal was eaten by haitians. There's immigrants taking my job as a right wing hate monger child, i had two of my bratz dolls deported brown people, just the brown ones trump, but some of the in my head, like jill stein my hobby is refurbishing vintage lawn jockeys jackson faked the moonwalking if you say beetlejuice four times, you get me the government put something in the water that makes you pee is a bit of a not that one. Okay fast, and you need scotts turf builder rapid grass. It grows grass two times faster than dusty. The lawn, giving you a stronger lawn. Smell that freedom. A download the my lawn app today for lawn care tips and customized plants. Feed your lawn feed it can you do this as early as your 40s? you may lose muscle and strength. Protein supports muscle health. Ensure max protein has a 30 gram blend of high quality protein to feed muscles for up to seven hours, so take the challenge. Ensure nutrition for strength and energy shingles doesn't care but shingrix protects only shingrix has proven over 90% effective. Shingrix is a vaccine used to prevent shingles in adults 50 years and older. Shingrix does not protect everyone and is not for those with severe allergic reactions to its ingredients or to a previous dose and increase risk of guillaume barré syndrome was observed after getting shingrix, fainting can also happen. The most common side effects are pain, redness and swelling at the injection site muscle pain, tiredness, headache, shivering, fever and upset stomach. Ask your doctor or pharmacist about shingrix today it won't be hard to find a skilled pro to fix this leak, but before i started angie's list, different story. That was 1995 and a lot has changed at angie's since. But what hasn't changed are the issues that homeowners face busted pipes, kitchen renos roof repairs, lawn care and the solution hasn't changed either. Skilled pros to get all your jobs done well, we just made them easier to findnever l you go to lumi dotcom and get your first starter pack for 30% off closed captioning brought to you by book. Com loved one have mesothelioma we'll send you a free book to answer questions you may have. Call now and we'll come to you. 831 3700. President trump mineral okay. New rule the people participating in the new trend of fridgescaping were you decorate the inside of your refrigerator by placing flowers and picture frames next to the hot dogs. And mayonnaise must be congratulated for their unique sense of tasteful expression. I'm kidding you people are nuts to put things in appliances that don't belong, might i suggest your head and the oven well, someone has to tell jane's addiction. You don't get to cancel your tour just because you got into a fight on stage the guys in the band hate each other and where they don't. The rolling stones, van halen, guns n roses, metallica, fleetwood mac, the eagles, the ramones, pink floyd, the beach boys, the black crowes, aerosmith kiss, simon and garfunkel hoping to catch a fight on stage is the only reason anyone is going to see these guys needs to explain to wannabe assassin ryan ruth that when you're being not the time for a thirst trap all right, i got a spit take out of stephanie ruhle that's funny. Thank you new rule. Now that the u. S. Attorney handling the case against the guy who wanted to shoot trump is a haitian immigrant to admit this season of the election is awesome had everything plot twists, assassination attempts we even killed off the main character and the animals we've had dogs, cats, geese bears and tune in next week when trump reveals his dad isn't an orangutan after all it's time. It's tonka from chimp crazy new rule scott libido. The manga artist who created this painting of kamala harris maniacally eating a dead bald eagle with a nuclear cloud in the background, has to put down the brush and back away from the easel. It's it's time to find some other form of artistic expression. Might i suggest fridgescaping and finally, new rules. Someone has to tell me how americans can keep becoming more alike, but also hate each other more than ever. I was made to think of this recently when it came to my attention that vice presidential candidate j. D. Vance fucks his couch sure you heard it, too. It was everywhere. One guy wrote it on twitter and immediately half the country was all in. Our hate for each other. Is so intense. We all just immediately believe anything bad about the other side. I mean, don't get me started on their eating the dogs eating the dogs coming for the pets hitting the dogs look, i think jd vance is kind of a giant asshole still would love to get you on the show, jd but couch. It's not in his book, as the rumor suggested. What goes on between a man and a pollster is none of my business, but in this case, it just didn't happen. But what is in that book is a much more interesting passage where vance recalls how, at age eight, he thought he might be gay this really resonated with me because when i was eight, puberty was still a few years off. So i hated girls. At eight, they had cooties and i only wanted to be with boys. Well, that does sound gay so the eight year old vance goes to his grandmother, who he calls mama fucking guns stashed around the house in case german's army comes back. I guess and he asks her if she a woman born in kentucky in 1933, thinks he's gay. And she says jd, do you want to suck dicks mama and she says, then you're not gay and even if you did want to suck dicks that would be okay. God would still love you. But stay away from my makeup get rid of that one. I'm in. But other than that, i feel like this is a teachable moment. Maybe the hicks are not as hickey as they used to be. I know it's a cliche that the coastal folks just fly over the flyover states but they mostly do, so they're stuck in a time warp where i don't know farmers looked like this, but farmers use ipads now. They believe in climate change. They went to college and majored in ag it's a science to grow food. Could you do it? are there still prejudiced people in small towns in the former confederacy? of course some of those places are as bad as boston kansas last for abortion rights, and they have a woman governor whereas california is a state that has never had a woman governor america is complicated we talk about red and blue states, but every state is purple 47% of texans voted democrat in 2020. Yeah because texas is a giant state full of people with different ethnicities philosophies, cultures, and forms of shit kicking rural traditions have even crossed over to become quite mainstream. Look on pornhub now everybody is banging their sister i've played cities of the deep south, and they're not that different. They have starbucks just like up north. They've even got that thing where you can tap your card and tip 22% for no reason sure it sounds funny when you hear order ready for american patriot american patriot, your decaf mocha latte is ready america is a funny, mixed up place. Now belle fourche, south dakota has a biker bar that's lgbt friendly and nearby rapid city has a rooftop sky bar that sells $18 cocktails, just like the assholes in la do eureka springs arkansas is home to a 70 foot tall statue of jesus and is also the place the advocate called the gayest small town in america the third largest statue in the whole country is in sugarland, texas, and it's of a hindu monkey. God. Yeah well, a hundred years ago there was a trial about monkeys in the south, and it really triggered people back then but things change nobody in sugarland texas cares now about hindus or monkey gods they don't seem to be scared by indian americans either. There are too many people's doctors now the food never really caught on. That's true indianamerican is going to be president, and another one might be for the other side someday, and jd vance for his insanity, is married to an indianamerican. And despite what laura loomer said about curry mrs. Vance was welcomed warmly at the republican convention and no one but the truly deranged is thinking about curry, although that may be why the food never caught on i'm just i'm just saying it's not all bullets and mullets out there anymore. Just look at the music maybe that's the best analogy for where we are culturally. I used to hate country music for a very good reason. It sucked it changed because the people making it changed. It's not some pickin and a grinnin bumpkin in a rhinestone leisure suit, vaguely longing for the return of segregation anymore mostly a lot of it's good now it sounds like the eagles in 1972. The number one song on the country chart. This week is by shaboozey. Does he look like an oak ridge boy to you malone is a country star now, and you need a bookmark just to make it through his face dogg and willie nelson both have the same hobby year's grammy awards, luke combs performed a duet with tracy chapman a queer black woman and no one ran screaming from the building. In fact, they all loved it. The big hat people and the big hair people they don't hate each other they like and respect each other. They want to work together. We can't duplicate this on a grander scale in america we just resist our worst impulses and next time we're tempted to be hateful and just want the other side to die stop. Stop and think about j. D. Vance's cocksucker loving grandma maybe we're not so different after all all right. Thank you very much. That's our show at the orpheum in memphis, september 28th at david copperfield theatre at the mgm grand in vegas. November 1st and second watch club. Random. My podcast on youtube. Or listen wherever you get your podcasts. I want to thank bret stephens, stephanie ruhle and bjorn lomborg. Now go watch overtime on youtube. Thank you folks

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